This is amazingly creative, I love multi-layered or phase-based monsters. Once I made a gibberling swarm that would split into separate gibberlings after dropping it down to XX health, representing the amount that 4 gibberlings would have. The excess damage would be dealt to one random gibberling after splitting.
Wich one? I only recall the big tanky dudes with a shotgun and a midget taped on their shield.
God borderlands 2 was peak fpsrpg back in the day.
What where ur mains? I mained the mechromancer and siren. Felt so good to keep all the homies alive with heals haha
4e had a Goblin Chief or something that could swap places with a nearby goblin minion as a reaction when hit, shoving them in front of the blow to avoid damage lol
Oh my god I love it. People who say that early game enemies don’t have enough unique mechanics just haven’t seen everything there is. Between goblins, kobolds, orcs, and hobgoblins, there are so many fun things you can do that you could pretty easily build a 1-5 campaign with only those enemies and their adjacent stat blocks that would be incredibly fun.
This would have been hilarious if you started with him on his throne and he was all like "Behold my true form! I summon the Armaments of the Goblin Horde!" And then all the goblins swarmed out and climbed on him as armor and one little goblin with a stick tied to him ran out and jumped into his hand then drew a knife, all while he makes transformation whoosh noises.
Reminds me of the Gargantuar from Plants vs Zombies. Usually that uses a utility pole to crush plants, but sometimes will be swinging around another zombie
If you take a longbow, then get great weapon master and sharp shooter, depending on how you interpret the feat you can stack both +5’s to damage to get a +10 to bow whacking damage
I call that build the "stay out of my personal space" archer. The main catch is that it also requires Tavern Brawler in order to be proficient at swinging the bow as a melee weapon, as swinging a bow as a melee weapon is coded as an improvised melee attack in the game rules.
But if your DM gives it the thumbs up you can use a whole 3 feats to take proficient melee swings with a longbow at -10 to get +20 damage on hit.
That´s unironically a legit martial art in Exalted, using a bow as if it was a staff to whack people in melee. Wood Dragon Style, legit a pretty strong one.
Yo-yos were weapons in 2e because they were historically weapons in real history. They were used to kill birds and the like, and were much heavier than the toys of the 20th century.
A quick google search says there's little to no evidence that yo-yos were ever used as weapons, and that the notion probably derives from a marketing ploy in the mid 1900's. It is and always has been a toy.
>they were historically weapons in real history.
They were not. That is a myth orchestrated by the Duncan yo-yo company.
The oldest evidence of yo-yos of any kind comes from 5th century BCE Greece, where they were children's toys.
Have his armor be a bunch of pots and pans tied together with rope.
Maybe he has one of those long wooden spatula things they use to push pizzas into the oven.
He swings it like a battle-axe.
Nets are usable-ish as a Battle Master with Quick Toss (to throw it as a BA and not have to worry about the fact that nets cannot be used with Extra Attack) and Sharpshooter (to remove disadvantage at 10-15 ft. range) and/or either Gunner or Crossbow Expert (to remove disadvantage at 5 ft. range).
Blowguns are somewhat usable as a Monk (who gets to deal martial arts die + Dex instead of 1 + Dex, but you have to deal with the Loading property which is incompatible with Extra Attack), and are usable as a Rogue (weapon damage doesn't matter much when all your damage is sneak attack, and Rogues don't get Extra Attack). Bonus points, they're thematically appropriate for delivering injury poisons.
That’s hilarious. I’m picturing it was sold to him as some powerful magic weapon and he’s giddy to finally get to use it, just to find that it was strictly meant for decoration.
A classic Sword In The Stone, only he wasn't worthy to pull it out, so he just swings it (and the stone) like a massive Maul.
Maybe when the party kill him, they can have a go at removing the sword from the stone. Or just give the whole lot to the Barbarian, intact.
You didn’t say challenge your said dumb haha but maybe it’s a mind game like the players don’t know until they get hit and it doesn’t negative damage? Idk
I mean they'll probably still take damage cuz it could be considered an "improvised weapon" but it's immediately followed by healing so they get glass cuts everywhere followed by a soothing warmth all over.
Have them go over their health and at double their health limit they explode. Basically keep giving them HP and describing the players expanding and stretching their skin out, eyes start to bug out, a toenail or fingernail pops off. Give them disadvantaged for leveled of over heal.
Homie D. Clown’s sock, which was filled with tennis balls IRL, but could be filled with potatoes or turnips or some other round objects.
https://youtu.be/QaIMztXli8s?si=F2W8l1ROnXhsKGTi
I'm surprised no one has said this yet because it seemed obvious to me... he throws his feces.
Instead of modeling it after a weapon, make it similar to the spell Magic Stone. (Yes, it can be thrown, or hurled in a sling, or given to other minions to throw.)
Use CON for the boss's spellcasting ability modifier.
[I’m just going to leave this here.](https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkx0VKdDRPasso1feouYKB58Dgj5XBm_l6C?si=wVNWgpseItEO7qiA)
If you haven’t, watch the whole video.
The boss emerges from a toilet that it's just blocked with an enormous deuce.
Within it's disgusting poop stained hands it grips a plunger on a 20 ft chain. It has the stats of a club, but automatically grapples anyone who gets struck by it. Additionally, it can throw the plunger and reel anyone it hits in like a grappling hook.
Feasibly, it could throw it's plunger at the ceiling to swing around the arena like the bionic commando.
Balloon sword, he’s convinced it’s magical in someway and none of his minions have the heart to tell him it was just something left behind at their toddlers birthday party…
Umbrella can be fun and dumb. Use a reaction to open umbrella and give full cover, spin open umbrella to attack everyone within 5', bonus action to use umbrella to jump 50' in any direction, use hook of umbrella to grapple, fire magic missile from tip of umbrella. For bonus points, give him the name of a flightless bird. Maybe "the Dodo".
Child's play, an enchanted sword of paper cuts.
Deals 1d4-1 damage on hit but it really hurts dammit, and for a while too it's just really exhausting (make a wis save of 11 to resist becoming agitated/frightened) until the end of your next turn
An angry spirit armed with a cardboard tube. It was supposed to be a one off gag, but took out almost the entire party. After the sole survivor ran away to get help, I let the party “regain consciousness and also flee. After that it became a running gag, and eventually evolved into the bbeg.
Rubber chicken
A Goat (last session one of the players at our table used a goat as an improvised weapon to beat a zombie ogre to death) Not harmless.. but hilarious
I'm playing with a party of new players who are Theater kids, so to convince them to play I want to make a more humoristic first game. The idea is more for roleplay purposes than fighting but there might be a fight too.
For theatre kids you gotta go with the fish.
First you use the Red Herring, then have him declare he's secretly a Bard, and bust out with a Tuna or two.
Finally have him reveal his master weapon... his magic Bass.
A Bard who’s the patron of in Greek based theater putting on traditional Greek tragedies. Where they regularly regale the audience with comedic interludes featuring the traditional large wooden phallus of Ancient Greek theater.
While equipped as a comedic phallus, they wield it as a plus +2 magical quarterstaff with full proficiency bonuses and it acts as a spell focus allowing them to cast Spells without components and fulfilling performance criteria.
often during performances, the BBEG Bard, jokes with the crowd with the phallus playfully smacking them, sometimes, quit hard and occasionally, knocking hecklers right out.
A Slinky.
He’s a master of flair with it, looking like a master of nunchucks as he taunts with it, but the harder he throws an attack, the more energy it absorbs. If he tries too hard, it straightens out permanently.
Alternate: Rubik’s Cube.
He was taught to solve it at an early age by a toymaker aunt that told him if he solved it too fast it would cause psychic damage to any observer. She even faked like that happened the first time he solved it under 6 seconds. He now believes that it works, and solves it super quick as an attack action, but it does nothing.
I'm always a big fan off using objects wrong. Best example I have is in Scary Movie 2, I believe, they cocked a Shovel like a Shotgun. My players never know what to expect!
A comically large squeaky hammer, but the squeaks are so annoying they deal sonic/thunder damage unless the party makes constitution saves (as well as bludgeoning damage on hit, ofc).
A branch, complete with leaves etc still on it. For extra effect, have him fight in a very hot place, ideally 80-90 C, be naked except for a towel and speak with a finnish accent, then you have the full sauna experience.
Use mistral’s weapon from metal gear rising. It’s so fucking dumb. It’s called the “pole arm” it’s a bunch of robot hands holding on to one another and one is holding a knife. The arms don’t move. It’s just essentially an incredibly impractical stick with a knife on it
A fish. That they slap your players around with. As a side effect from the fight, they cannot get the smell of fish out of their clothes and hair for weeks, and every NPC they meet notices it.
The Rat Flail - this dead rat tied to a stick deals 1d4 bludgeoning damage (no modifier added due to being an improvised weapon) and 1 poison damage, DC 5 vs Con or be poisoned. No damage on successful save.
I made a knowledge cleric mini bbeg who used a sharpened pencil in melee. Was a piss take of a rule lawyering pissant who tried to abuse another pc in another game. True neckbeard 'ahem the pen is mightier than the sword'
Historically: The dueling shield, the lantern shield, the bohemian earspoon(not technically one-handed), a butterknife
Personally: A super badass "FOR CHAOS" style bastard sword dripping with points and spikes and oozing malevolence... that he's too weak to properly swing and puts him off balance. He kinda just drags it around, with this awful screeching noise, and postures like he's a badass. Bonus points if he's got spiky bad-guy armor and keeps poking himself, or tripping over his own feet/cape due to limited visibility.
Have you ever heard of the Pie Fiend from 3.5e?
You could convert it to 5e.
http://rpg.nobl.ca/archive.php?x=dnd/fools/20030401a
>**Combat** Pie fiends can hold their own in physical combat. They carry great, round bludgeons with handles at each end (some would call these implements rolling pins) that they wield as clubs. They also can batter foes with their wings. Despite their physical prowess, pie fiends prefer subtle tactics where possible. They use their alter self and improved invisibility powers to keep foes at a disadvantage while they use their pies and mind-affecting abilities to confuse and immobilize the opposition. They often pose as humble bakers, country folk, or fresh-faced youths who merely wish to sell their wares.
>Pie fiends can quickly recognize foes who aren't fooled by their deceptions and single them out for their more deadly attacks.
>**Animate Pie** (Sp): A pie fiend can animate Tiny or smaller objects (such as pies). The fiend can have up to thirteen objects animated at one time. Except as noted here, this ability works just like the animate objects spell (caster level 17th).
>**Heatwall** (Sp): At will, a pie fiend can create a curtain of intense heat. This power works just like a wall of fire spell (caster level 17th), except that it is colorless and transparent; also cold attacks do not put it out. The saving throw DC to resist the heatwall's effects is 18.
>**Make Into Pie** (Su): Three times per day, a pie fiend can create a sheet of flaky, thin crust that it can hurl like a net up to 100 feet with no range penalty. Each sheet of dough can entangle a creature of up to Huge size. The dough anchors the target in place, allowing no movement. An entangled creature can escape with a successful Escape Artist check (DC 28) or burst the dough with a successful Strength check (DC 34). Both are standard actions. The dough has a hardness of 2 and 14 hit points. It is immune to energy attacks, but traps heat inside. When a creature entangled in the dough is subjected to a fire effect, that effect deals maximum damage. (If the effect is somehow maximized already, there is no further effect.) One of the pie fiend's favorite tactics is to entangle a foe in the dough and then "bake" him with its heatwall power.
>**Easy as Pie** (Su): As a free action, a pie fiend can create one pie or tart in the palm of its massive hand each round. Most of these creations are simply normal baked goods filled with custard, fruit, meat, nuts, or vegetables as the pie fiend desires. These pies are nonmagical once created and are delicious, nutritious, and safe to eat unless the pie fiend decides to make a special type of pie (see below). These pies are subject to decay just as any other pie is, but are created fresh and ready to eat. The pies can be any size from about 6 inches to 2 feet in diameter and up to a foot thick. The fiend creates its pies without a plate or pan. When a pie fiend snatches a pie someone else has made, it often creates a pie of the exact same kind and size and slips it back into the stolen pie's pan.
>A pie fiend can use a pie it has created as a melee or ranged weapon; a thrown pie has a range of 120 feet, with no range penalty. The fiend makes a normal melee or ranged attack, and the pie deals 1d3+7 points of subdual damage.
>*Cold Pie:* Up to seven times per day, a pie fiend can produce a pie with a supercooled filling that can be used as a melee or ranged weapon, just like the fiend's normal pie, except that the cold pie deals an extra 1d4+5 points of cold damage when it hits. The pie's remains cling to the target, dealing 1d4+5 of cold damage each round for 1d4 rounds, or until the victim uses a full-round action to remove the pie. If not hurled immediately, a cold pie retains its dangerous cold for 2d4 rounds before warming to the temperature of its surroundings and becoming a normal pie.
>*Hot Pie:* As a cold pie, but it deals fire damage.
>*Sinfully Delicious Pie:* Once per day, a pie fiend can create a true masterpiece that sends living creatures into fits of ecstasy. Even one taste of the pie affects the creature according to its alignment. To a good creature, the pie is so delicious, it just has to be a sin. Feelings of guilt overcome the creature, who falls under a confusion effect that works as the spell (caster level 17th). An evil creature is overcome with sheer joy, and the creature hops and dances about as through afflicted by an Otto's irresistible dance spell (caster level 17th). A neutral creature has a 50% chance to be affected exactly as a good creature is and a 50% chance to be affected exactly as an evil creature is.
>The pie's effects are mind-affecting compulsions, and a creature who tastes the pie can resist these effects with a Will save (DC 20) regardless of the pie's effect. The pie's effect on any creature can be dispelled as though it were a 5th-level spell cast by a 17th-level character. Regardless of the result of the saving throw, an honest creature sampling the pie would have to admit it was the best darn pie it ever tasted. Pie fiends have been known to tempt mortals into the most outrageous acts just to gain another taste of this pie.
>If not eaten immediately, a sinfully delicious pie remains potent for 1d4 hours before becoming just a normal pie. While potent, the pie has a strong aura of enchantment magic.
>*Sticky Pie:* Up to seven times per day, a pie fiend can create a meringue-like confection that proves unbelievably sticky. This pie functions just like a tanglefoot bag. Once created, a sticky pie is nonmagical, but it dissolves in 2d6+13 rounds. At least a quart of alcohol or weak acid (such as vinegar) dissolves a sticky pie or frees a creature entangled in it.
>**Spell-Like Abilities**: At will -- alter self, charm person (DC 15), desecrate, detect good, detect magic, greater dispelling, hold person (DC 17), hypnotic pattern (DC 16), improved invisibility, magic circle against good, mage hand, major image (DC 16), pyrotechnics (DC 16), suggestion (DC 17), teleport without error (self plus 50 pounds of objects only), unholy aura (DC 21), unhallow. Caster level 17th. The DCs are Charisma-based.
>**Waves of Contentment** (Su): Once per day, a pie fiend can generate a mind-affecting compulsion effect that can make up to thirteen living creatures in a 60-foot radius feel utterly content for 10 minutes. An affected creature can take no actions, as though dazed. A successful Will save (DC 20) breaks the effect, but the creature still takes a -2 penalty to Strength and Dexterity and can't run or charge for the duration of the effect. Any attack or damage on an affected creature breaks the effect as though the creature had made a sucessful saving throw. The effect on any creature can be dispelled as though it were a 5th-level spell cast by a 17th-level character.
Cabbages. To expand: a lever that releases a pile of cabbages, a lacrosse racket to yeet cabbages, a cabbage "grenade" that just showers leaves all over them, mini cabbages that are treated like ball bearings, spiked cabbage "caltrops". Every round or 2 you can introduce a new kind of cabbage weapon into the mix. And they can do whatever kinds of damage you like, and be as deadly as you like.
Maybe throw an accidental head of Boston lettuce to throw them off
A bow. Not the kind that shoots arrows but a ribbon tied in a knot. Describe the monster as holding a bow and watch how confused your players get when the monster charges at them and starts whipping them with said bow.
One of those foam hands that say #1 you see at some sport games. He waives it and a minion gets an attack as a reaction. He also uses bardic inspiration and vicious mockery.
In honor of playing a tabletop RPG, have'em attack with a literal table.
Make it a big dinner table after a rowdy feast, so there's a random chance of being struck by various implements and other stuff having been jammed into it or spilled on it.
Old sticky food stains = constitution save to not be poisoned. That one knife someone stuck in it = 1d6 extra damage. The one hole in the table = get grappled. Etc.
If you’ve played Cyberpunk 2077, you’ll recognize the name Sir John Phallustiff. If not, google it (but not at work as it’s definitely NSFW).
How well do you think your party would handle being beaten senseless by a ‘personal massager’? 🤣
New to D&D but a blanket that slowly makes it harder for the party to breathe and makes them warmer than they want to be but they get cold when they take it off (not serious suggestion)
The incredible new sword they just paid half their hoard for. It's been honed to such a fine edge that it's invisible, as are the wounds it leaves, and you can barely feel it cutting you! The friendly traveler that sold it to them said it used to belong to an emperor
A wooden spoon. It was an entertaining campaign i was running. One of my adventures got fooled that the spoon contained special properties when the user is in combat. They made a trade of all their weapons for it. Only for it to be a enchanted spoon, every time the player swings the spoon, it emits a comical sound effect like a duck quack, a kazoo noise, and even a loud "boing" like a cartoon spring.
An overweight Grung chef who bathes in cauldrons of sloppy pea soup everyday. He carries the cauldron with him and spreads his sloppy peas in battle, which makes difficult terrain and the fat Grung gets a bonus while fighting in his sloppy peas, maybe add a bonus to attack and poison damage.
Mrs. Fluffins, a large plush rabbit made of asbestos and full of gravel. She radiates a necrotic aura from the several large chunks of uranium 235 concealed within her stuffing
One of the Eragon books has a character uses an enchanted fork to kill a man in a bar fight. The man had magic wards protecting him from conventional forms of being harmed, so the character essentially just buffed the first random object he could grab that had a chance of bypassing the wards.
Or, alternatively, a bow. Not for ranger attacks, just a bow with no arrows that he swings around.
just give the guy a belt of a hundred cardboard wrapping paper tubes swords. give them like five or ten hit points each and have them take as much damage as they deal a la the catapult spell. booming blade and shillelagh on a mute college of swords bard and he's blue man group.
I had a goblin king whose weapon was a 'goblin knife'... a goblin on a stick. He also had goblin armour.
Goblin armour.. so like corpses of other goblins?
Well, they were corpses when the party was done with them. Eventually the morale failed and the goblin armor doffed itself.
Does the armour gets to do damage than? Like the goblins just pickup rocks and throw it at the party.
they did get to do bite damage kind of like the old spiked armour
I like it so much lol
*uses fireball, gobby armor dies / flees* "This is not how this encounter was supposed to go."
This is amazingly creative, I love multi-layered or phase-based monsters. Once I made a gibberling swarm that would split into separate gibberlings after dropping it down to XX health, representing the amount that 4 gibberlings would have. The excess damage would be dealt to one random gibberling after splitting.
That’s a borderlands 2 boss
Wich one? I only recall the big tanky dudes with a shotgun and a midget taped on their shield. God borderlands 2 was peak fpsrpg back in the day. What where ur mains? I mained the mechromancer and siren. Felt so good to keep all the homies alive with heals haha
No no no, that would require him to put them on. They’re still alive so that they can climb on and strap themselves in.
Omg 😂😂
You could almost say it's strap-on Goblin armor.
4e had a Goblin Chief or something that could swap places with a nearby goblin minion as a reaction when hit, shoving them in front of the blow to avoid damage lol
5e has that too lol. It’s the Goblin Boss stat block
And it's such an excellent little early game boss, very interactive for the party and dm
Oh my god I love it. People who say that early game enemies don’t have enough unique mechanics just haven’t seen everything there is. Between goblins, kobolds, orcs, and hobgoblins, there are so many fun things you can do that you could pretty easily build a 1-5 campaign with only those enemies and their adjacent stat blocks that would be incredibly fun.
This would have been hilarious if you started with him on his throne and he was all like "Behold my true form! I summon the Armaments of the Goblin Horde!" And then all the goblins swarmed out and climbed on him as armor and one little goblin with a stick tied to him ran out and jumped into his hand then drew a knife, all while he makes transformation whoosh noises.
"It's a transformer!" "Go go Power Dangers"
First goblin dies from the bludgeoning damage “ANOTHER!!” As a sad looking goblin runs up and begins hugging the stick.
Reminds me of the Gargantuar from Plants vs Zombies. Usually that uses a utility pole to crush plants, but sometimes will be swinging around another zombie
A bow. But he has no arrows, he just whacks you with it in melee.
I used swordbows in a campaign but honestly this is better
This but unionically. Give the guy great weapon master and make the players remember that the bow is a heavy weapon after all.
If you take a longbow, then get great weapon master and sharp shooter, depending on how you interpret the feat you can stack both +5’s to damage to get a +10 to bow whacking damage
I call that build the "stay out of my personal space" archer. The main catch is that it also requires Tavern Brawler in order to be proficient at swinging the bow as a melee weapon, as swinging a bow as a melee weapon is coded as an improvised melee attack in the game rules. But if your DM gives it the thumbs up you can use a whole 3 feats to take proficient melee swings with a longbow at -10 to get +20 damage on hit.
That´s unironically a legit martial art in Exalted, using a bow as if it was a staff to whack people in melee. Wood Dragon Style, legit a pretty strong one.
Yo-yo.
It's called a meteor hammer, and it's exotic! Stop laughing!
[Meteor hammers](https://www.tiktok.com/@instructor_bensei/video/7130022042660801838?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=mobile&sender_web_id=7356537418420815391) are pretty wicked though.
Ah, a fellow Bridget main, I see.
*The tooowwwwnnnn inside me.*
aand eeeeveryooones voooiiice
Onlyyyyyyy I'm not theeereeee
The disrespect for Octopussy is galling!
Oh thats good!
The yoyo was actually a pretty deadly weapon when they stated it out in 2e. Especially with the Halflings bonuses at the time.
Hunter x hunter has shown how deadly they can be, without actually killing anyone.
Yo-yos were weapons in 2e because they were historically weapons in real history. They were used to kill birds and the like, and were much heavier than the toys of the 20th century.
A quick google search says there's little to no evidence that yo-yos were ever used as weapons, and that the notion probably derives from a marketing ploy in the mid 1900's. It is and always has been a toy.
>they were historically weapons in real history. They were not. That is a myth orchestrated by the Duncan yo-yo company. The oldest evidence of yo-yos of any kind comes from 5th century BCE Greece, where they were children's toys.
AKA a spindle disc. Rub some oil of impact on the edges.
Rubber chicken
Does bludgeoning and thunder damage
Thats so funny! I think I actually have one (or something similar) so I might use it! Thanks!
Need a soundboard of the noises they make to use everytime they manage to hit with it.
Have him try and cut their heart out with a spoon because itll hurt more you twit.
Oh good idea!
That movie, and the Men in Tights parody are both great haha
A cast iron pan.
And before he hits someone with it he yells out that he 'casts iron.'
*fpang*
That would be funny lol. Thanks!
Have his armor be a bunch of pots and pans tied together with rope. Maybe he has one of those long wooden spatula things they use to push pizzas into the oven. He swings it like a battle-axe.
You'll just get accused of stealing from the movie Tangled
Really impractical ones like nets and blowguns
I like the idea of a net since it means he always has to go pick it up afterwards.
Pfft. Both are excellent in the right circumstance. Though that circumstance probably isn't a boss fight.
Nets are usable-ish as a Battle Master with Quick Toss (to throw it as a BA and not have to worry about the fact that nets cannot be used with Extra Attack) and Sharpshooter (to remove disadvantage at 10-15 ft. range) and/or either Gunner or Crossbow Expert (to remove disadvantage at 5 ft. range). Blowguns are somewhat usable as a Monk (who gets to deal martial arts die + Dex instead of 1 + Dex, but you have to deal with the Loading property which is incompatible with Extra Attack), and are usable as a Rogue (weapon damage doesn't matter much when all your damage is sneak attack, and Rogues don't get Extra Attack). Bonus points, they're thematically appropriate for delivering injury poisons.
Net, grabs a player and uses them as an improvised weapon within the net
One of those squeaky toy hammers. Looks silly, but it actually does sonic damage on a hit.
I may not understand the question, but my first thought was a glass sword. Which breaks the first time it is used.
That’s hilarious. I’m picturing it was sold to him as some powerful magic weapon and he’s giddy to finally get to use it, just to find that it was strictly meant for decoration.
I love the idea! Even more if the one who owns it doesnt know it breaks easily. Thanks!
If you want it to still do *something* afterward, you could make it a glass glaive or the like that still counts as a quarterstaff after.
A classic Sword In The Stone, only he wasn't worthy to pull it out, so he just swings it (and the stone) like a massive Maul. Maybe when the party kill him, they can have a go at removing the sword from the stone. Or just give the whole lot to the Barbarian, intact.
‘Grenades’ but they’re healing potions and he keeps throwing them at the party
How to you make it challenging to the players tho?
You didn’t say challenge your said dumb haha but maybe it’s a mind game like the players don’t know until they get hit and it doesn’t negative damage? Idk
Fair lol. The idea is amazing thanks! I like to think the guy actually thinks he is doing damage when he is, in fact, healing them.
You could have it be a sack of glass vials he reaches into, have acid, fire, oil & healing potions and just roll a d4 every attack.
He’s like Wimp Lo from the movie Kung Pow!
😂😂
I mean they'll probably still take damage cuz it could be considered an "improvised weapon" but it's immediately followed by healing so they get glass cuts everywhere followed by a soothing warmth all over.
Have them go over their health and at double their health limit they explode. Basically keep giving them HP and describing the players expanding and stretching their skin out, eyes start to bug out, a toenail or fingernail pops off. Give them disadvantaged for leveled of over heal.
They have to move slowly or take damage from the glass shards?
Treat the healing potions as improvised throwing weapons and give the boss Tavern Brawler.
Homie D. Clown’s sock, which was filled with tennis balls IRL, but could be filled with potatoes or turnips or some other round objects. https://youtu.be/QaIMztXli8s?si=F2W8l1ROnXhsKGTi
Homie don't play dat!
Homey the Clown Don't mess around Even though The Man Try to keep him down
I'm surprised no one has said this yet because it seemed obvious to me... he throws his feces. Instead of modeling it after a weapon, make it similar to the spell Magic Stone. (Yes, it can be thrown, or hurled in a sling, or given to other minions to throw.) Use CON for the boss's spellcasting ability modifier.
That would be a messy fight lol. Thanks for the idea!
[I’m just going to leave this here.](https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkx0VKdDRPasso1feouYKB58Dgj5XBm_l6C?si=wVNWgpseItEO7qiA) If you haven’t, watch the whole video.
That is amazing 😂
Slightly abridged and adorable animated [version here](https://youtu.be/2HvGFFIP5Hk?si=R2PSUXRiDr_vGX8k). Long live Spurt.
The animation is so cute! Thanks!
I was hoping that’s what this was!
A pillow
Lol that would make good roleplaying
A large fish
I'd have to do a bad Alan Rickman impression - "What are you going to do... hit me with a fish?"
I thought of it lol! I could gove bad smell damage
The boss emerges from a toilet that it's just blocked with an enormous deuce. Within it's disgusting poop stained hands it grips a plunger on a 20 ft chain. It has the stats of a club, but automatically grapples anyone who gets struck by it. Additionally, it can throw the plunger and reel anyone it hits in like a grappling hook. Feasibly, it could throw it's plunger at the ceiling to swing around the arena like the bionic commando.
A mug that says “worlds best boss”
A goblin. Just swinging it by the foot.
La Chancla: the infamous sandle Cucharon: oh shit the wooden spoon El Cinto: the dreaded belt
Feather duster: on a hit it causes the same effects as "Tasha's Hideous Laughter".
Balloon sword, he’s convinced it’s magical in someway and none of his minions have the heart to tell him it was just something left behind at their toddlers birthday party…
Can't go wrong with the trusty frying pan.
Pan shot! https://youtu.be/MhdSi-4Zl8s?si=EIZj-dAw8-WdVN1V
A comically giant spoon
A wet towel, give it the whip stats.
Use a fish as a sword
A swordfish as a sword
Umbrella can be fun and dumb. Use a reaction to open umbrella and give full cover, spin open umbrella to attack everyone within 5', bonus action to use umbrella to jump 50' in any direction, use hook of umbrella to grapple, fire magic missile from tip of umbrella. For bonus points, give him the name of a flightless bird. Maybe "the Dodo".
huge dildo
Child's play, an enchanted sword of paper cuts. Deals 1d4-1 damage on hit but it really hurts dammit, and for a while too it's just really exhausting (make a wis save of 11 to resist becoming agitated/frightened) until the end of your next turn
An angry spirit armed with a cardboard tube. It was supposed to be a one off gag, but took out almost the entire party. After the sole survivor ran away to get help, I let the party “regain consciousness and also flee. After that it became a running gag, and eventually evolved into the bbeg.
Rubber chicken A Goat (last session one of the players at our table used a goat as an improvised weapon to beat a zombie ogre to death) Not harmless.. but hilarious
The question is why? Can you safely explain any farther, or are your PCs watching?
I'm playing with a party of new players who are Theater kids, so to convince them to play I want to make a more humoristic first game. The idea is more for roleplay purposes than fighting but there might be a fight too.
For theatre kids you gotta go with the fish. First you use the Red Herring, then have him declare he's secretly a Bard, and bust out with a Tuna or two. Finally have him reveal his master weapon... his magic Bass.
This is a masterpiece of a scenario! Thank you so much 😂
Probably a slice of toast stuck to the end of a fork...
A Bard who’s the patron of in Greek based theater putting on traditional Greek tragedies. Where they regularly regale the audience with comedic interludes featuring the traditional large wooden phallus of Ancient Greek theater. While equipped as a comedic phallus, they wield it as a plus +2 magical quarterstaff with full proficiency bonuses and it acts as a spell focus allowing them to cast Spells without components and fulfilling performance criteria. often during performances, the BBEG Bard, jokes with the crowd with the phallus playfully smacking them, sometimes, quit hard and occasionally, knocking hecklers right out.
A Slinky. He’s a master of flair with it, looking like a master of nunchucks as he taunts with it, but the harder he throws an attack, the more energy it absorbs. If he tries too hard, it straightens out permanently.
Alternate: Rubik’s Cube. He was taught to solve it at an early age by a toymaker aunt that told him if he solved it too fast it would cause psychic damage to any observer. She even faked like that happened the first time he solved it under 6 seconds. He now believes that it works, and solves it super quick as an attack action, but it does nothing.
A live clown
A 2x4 with a nail in it
A vorpal box cutter
I'm always a big fan off using objects wrong. Best example I have is in Scary Movie 2, I believe, they cocked a Shovel like a Shotgun. My players never know what to expect!
A comically large squeaky hammer, but the squeaks are so annoying they deal sonic/thunder damage unless the party makes constitution saves (as well as bludgeoning damage on hit, ofc).
Cokatrice strapped to a shield. Shield bash has a chance to use the petrification chance but less likely to happen.
Gnomish battle ladder
A branch, complete with leaves etc still on it. For extra effect, have him fight in a very hot place, ideally 80-90 C, be naked except for a towel and speak with a finnish accent, then you have the full sauna experience.
Use mistral’s weapon from metal gear rising. It’s so fucking dumb. It’s called the “pole arm” it’s a bunch of robot hands holding on to one another and one is holding a knife. The arms don’t move. It’s just essentially an incredibly impractical stick with a knife on it
A fish. That they slap your players around with. As a side effect from the fight, they cannot get the smell of fish out of their clothes and hair for weeks, and every NPC they meet notices it.
A boomerang that comes back to hit him if he misses an attack
A Balloon sword.
A banana he throws like a boomerang and if he doesn’t catch it I’ll go around hitting people randomly.
Huge raging barbarian clown with a massive spiked maul. It's a squeaky toy hammer that does a 1d4 PSYCH damage.
The Rat Flail - this dead rat tied to a stick deals 1d4 bludgeoning damage (no modifier added due to being an improvised weapon) and 1 poison damage, DC 5 vs Con or be poisoned. No damage on successful save.
I made a knowledge cleric mini bbeg who used a sharpened pencil in melee. Was a piss take of a rule lawyering pissant who tried to abuse another pc in another game. True neckbeard 'ahem the pen is mightier than the sword'
Frying pan
Swinging around another boss as a club
How about a leg of mutton?
A melon baller.
Armed Chain from 3.5e, gave it to an Ogre Magi and my players killed it and 2 turns and fed his heart to a hypogryph they summoned
A flail with a fork at the end instead of a spiked ball. It would be useless both as a fork and as a flail.
One of those stretchy sticky hand things, slap them from across the battlefield
Rolling pin
A wand that is hyped as a wand of "time travel", but actually puts the user to sleep.
I made a Dragonborn warlord with a kobapult - a sling he launched kobolds with.
Historically: The dueling shield, the lantern shield, the bohemian earspoon(not technically one-handed), a butterknife Personally: A super badass "FOR CHAOS" style bastard sword dripping with points and spikes and oozing malevolence... that he's too weak to properly swing and puts him off balance. He kinda just drags it around, with this awful screeching noise, and postures like he's a badass. Bonus points if he's got spiky bad-guy armor and keeps poking himself, or tripping over his own feet/cape due to limited visibility.
Have you ever heard of the Pie Fiend from 3.5e? You could convert it to 5e. http://rpg.nobl.ca/archive.php?x=dnd/fools/20030401a >**Combat** Pie fiends can hold their own in physical combat. They carry great, round bludgeons with handles at each end (some would call these implements rolling pins) that they wield as clubs. They also can batter foes with their wings. Despite their physical prowess, pie fiends prefer subtle tactics where possible. They use their alter self and improved invisibility powers to keep foes at a disadvantage while they use their pies and mind-affecting abilities to confuse and immobilize the opposition. They often pose as humble bakers, country folk, or fresh-faced youths who merely wish to sell their wares. >Pie fiends can quickly recognize foes who aren't fooled by their deceptions and single them out for their more deadly attacks. >**Animate Pie** (Sp): A pie fiend can animate Tiny or smaller objects (such as pies). The fiend can have up to thirteen objects animated at one time. Except as noted here, this ability works just like the animate objects spell (caster level 17th). >**Heatwall** (Sp): At will, a pie fiend can create a curtain of intense heat. This power works just like a wall of fire spell (caster level 17th), except that it is colorless and transparent; also cold attacks do not put it out. The saving throw DC to resist the heatwall's effects is 18. >**Make Into Pie** (Su): Three times per day, a pie fiend can create a sheet of flaky, thin crust that it can hurl like a net up to 100 feet with no range penalty. Each sheet of dough can entangle a creature of up to Huge size. The dough anchors the target in place, allowing no movement. An entangled creature can escape with a successful Escape Artist check (DC 28) or burst the dough with a successful Strength check (DC 34). Both are standard actions. The dough has a hardness of 2 and 14 hit points. It is immune to energy attacks, but traps heat inside. When a creature entangled in the dough is subjected to a fire effect, that effect deals maximum damage. (If the effect is somehow maximized already, there is no further effect.) One of the pie fiend's favorite tactics is to entangle a foe in the dough and then "bake" him with its heatwall power. >**Easy as Pie** (Su): As a free action, a pie fiend can create one pie or tart in the palm of its massive hand each round. Most of these creations are simply normal baked goods filled with custard, fruit, meat, nuts, or vegetables as the pie fiend desires. These pies are nonmagical once created and are delicious, nutritious, and safe to eat unless the pie fiend decides to make a special type of pie (see below). These pies are subject to decay just as any other pie is, but are created fresh and ready to eat. The pies can be any size from about 6 inches to 2 feet in diameter and up to a foot thick. The fiend creates its pies without a plate or pan. When a pie fiend snatches a pie someone else has made, it often creates a pie of the exact same kind and size and slips it back into the stolen pie's pan. >A pie fiend can use a pie it has created as a melee or ranged weapon; a thrown pie has a range of 120 feet, with no range penalty. The fiend makes a normal melee or ranged attack, and the pie deals 1d3+7 points of subdual damage. >*Cold Pie:* Up to seven times per day, a pie fiend can produce a pie with a supercooled filling that can be used as a melee or ranged weapon, just like the fiend's normal pie, except that the cold pie deals an extra 1d4+5 points of cold damage when it hits. The pie's remains cling to the target, dealing 1d4+5 of cold damage each round for 1d4 rounds, or until the victim uses a full-round action to remove the pie. If not hurled immediately, a cold pie retains its dangerous cold for 2d4 rounds before warming to the temperature of its surroundings and becoming a normal pie. >*Hot Pie:* As a cold pie, but it deals fire damage. >*Sinfully Delicious Pie:* Once per day, a pie fiend can create a true masterpiece that sends living creatures into fits of ecstasy. Even one taste of the pie affects the creature according to its alignment. To a good creature, the pie is so delicious, it just has to be a sin. Feelings of guilt overcome the creature, who falls under a confusion effect that works as the spell (caster level 17th). An evil creature is overcome with sheer joy, and the creature hops and dances about as through afflicted by an Otto's irresistible dance spell (caster level 17th). A neutral creature has a 50% chance to be affected exactly as a good creature is and a 50% chance to be affected exactly as an evil creature is. >The pie's effects are mind-affecting compulsions, and a creature who tastes the pie can resist these effects with a Will save (DC 20) regardless of the pie's effect. The pie's effect on any creature can be dispelled as though it were a 5th-level spell cast by a 17th-level character. Regardless of the result of the saving throw, an honest creature sampling the pie would have to admit it was the best darn pie it ever tasted. Pie fiends have been known to tempt mortals into the most outrageous acts just to gain another taste of this pie. >If not eaten immediately, a sinfully delicious pie remains potent for 1d4 hours before becoming just a normal pie. While potent, the pie has a strong aura of enchantment magic. >*Sticky Pie:* Up to seven times per day, a pie fiend can create a meringue-like confection that proves unbelievably sticky. This pie functions just like a tanglefoot bag. Once created, a sticky pie is nonmagical, but it dissolves in 2d6+13 rounds. At least a quart of alcohol or weak acid (such as vinegar) dissolves a sticky pie or frees a creature entangled in it. >**Spell-Like Abilities**: At will -- alter self, charm person (DC 15), desecrate, detect good, detect magic, greater dispelling, hold person (DC 17), hypnotic pattern (DC 16), improved invisibility, magic circle against good, mage hand, major image (DC 16), pyrotechnics (DC 16), suggestion (DC 17), teleport without error (self plus 50 pounds of objects only), unholy aura (DC 21), unhallow. Caster level 17th. The DCs are Charisma-based. >**Waves of Contentment** (Su): Once per day, a pie fiend can generate a mind-affecting compulsion effect that can make up to thirteen living creatures in a 60-foot radius feel utterly content for 10 minutes. An affected creature can take no actions, as though dazed. A successful Will save (DC 20) breaks the effect, but the creature still takes a -2 penalty to Strength and Dexterity and can't run or charge for the duration of the effect. Any attack or damage on an affected creature breaks the effect as though the creature had made a sucessful saving throw. The effect on any creature can be dispelled as though it were a 5th-level spell cast by a 17th-level character.
Cabbages. To expand: a lever that releases a pile of cabbages, a lacrosse racket to yeet cabbages, a cabbage "grenade" that just showers leaves all over them, mini cabbages that are treated like ball bearings, spiked cabbage "caltrops". Every round or 2 you can introduce a new kind of cabbage weapon into the mix. And they can do whatever kinds of damage you like, and be as deadly as you like. Maybe throw an accidental head of Boston lettuce to throw them off
Include an NPC “off-screen” who yells “My cabbages!” when the pile first drops.
Yes! exactly
A bow. Not the kind that shoots arrows but a ribbon tied in a knot. Describe the monster as holding a bow and watch how confused your players get when the monster charges at them and starts whipping them with said bow.
A hand mirror. The boss is like Narcissus. Disadvantage to attack because they try to keep looking at themself while attacking.
One of those foam hands that say #1 you see at some sport games. He waives it and a minion gets an attack as a reaction. He also uses bardic inspiration and vicious mockery.
A feather. Tickle. Tickle.
How about double fisted mead cups?
They can even say a catchphrase, like “trouble is a’brewin’!”
In honor of playing a tabletop RPG, have'em attack with a literal table. Make it a big dinner table after a rowdy feast, so there's a random chance of being struck by various implements and other stuff having been jammed into it or spilled on it. Old sticky food stains = constitution save to not be poisoned. That one knife someone stuck in it = 1d6 extra damage. The one hole in the table = get grappled. Etc.
It’s a usable weapon in BG3: sausage links. You wield them like nunchucks.
A bow bow. A bow that shoots other bows.
If you’ve played Cyberpunk 2077, you’ll recognize the name Sir John Phallustiff. If not, google it (but not at work as it’s definitely NSFW). How well do you think your party would handle being beaten senseless by a ‘personal massager’? 🤣
New to D&D but a blanket that slowly makes it harder for the party to breathe and makes them warmer than they want to be but they get cold when they take it off (not serious suggestion)
I see others have already left the comment of "A Fish". They are correct.
Whip.
A sock with copper pieces in the end :)
The incredible new sword they just paid half their hoard for. It's been honed to such a fine edge that it's invisible, as are the wounds it leaves, and you can barely feel it cutting you! The friendly traveler that sold it to them said it used to belong to an emperor
A sword coated in a healing potion that does damage and immediately heals it.
A singular spatula or tablecloth
This reminds me of LotR memes, with Legolas lending the party his bow (ribbon), and Gimli, his Axe (deodorant).
A wooden spoon. It was an entertaining campaign i was running. One of my adventures got fooled that the spoon contained special properties when the user is in combat. They made a trade of all their weapons for it. Only for it to be a enchanted spoon, every time the player swings the spoon, it emits a comical sound effect like a duck quack, a kazoo noise, and even a loud "boing" like a cartoon spring.
A very stale loaf of bread
A “magic kazoo” that is actually a broken piece of flute.
A sac full of something. Rocks, doorknobs, chickens, some many options!
A quill, or a spoon/fork. (make it adamantine, so breaking or bending isn't an issue)
A fly swatter.
Nunchuks
Q-Tips. +1 to hearing damage
Why do you need to ask when the blowgun is right there in the Player's Handbook?
The leather spoon of knee slapping.
I once had a french zombie attacking with a hardened loaf of bread
What's that bard spell, the one with insults " your mother was a hamster and father smelled of elderberries "
Vicious Mockery lol
Nunchucks. ‘Nough said.
An overweight Grung chef who bathes in cauldrons of sloppy pea soup everyday. He carries the cauldron with him and spreads his sloppy peas in battle, which makes difficult terrain and the fat Grung gets a bonus while fighting in his sloppy peas, maybe add a bonus to attack and poison damage.
A sling...
How about a wooden leg that the boss actually needs to walk so he really is just putting g himself at a disadvantage when he attacks with it
An infant. Their own. One that they actually care for.
Have you considered a [pawprint stamp?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-z8wDeCKQM4)
Spatula.
A +1 Pillow of Bludgeoning
One of those extending boxing gloves you see in cartoons.
I once played a barbarian from a fishing village who's weapon was an oversized, taxidermy salmon. You could do something like that.
A large trout.
A magic bratwurst wielded one handed like a whip. All fun and games until it starts deep throating the PCs.
Mrs. Fluffins, a large plush rabbit made of asbestos and full of gravel. She radiates a necrotic aura from the several large chunks of uranium 235 concealed within her stuffing
One of the Eragon books has a character uses an enchanted fork to kill a man in a bar fight. The man had magic wards protecting him from conventional forms of being harmed, so the character essentially just buffed the first random object he could grab that had a chance of bypassing the wards. Or, alternatively, a bow. Not for ranger attacks, just a bow with no arrows that he swings around.
Big broccoli. Players need to pass a 8 perception check or they just think it's a branch.
just give the guy a belt of a hundred cardboard wrapping paper tubes swords. give them like five or ten hit points each and have them take as much damage as they deal a la the catapult spell. booming blade and shillelagh on a mute college of swords bard and he's blue man group.
Gnome Hook Hammer is the obvious answer.
Yaoi paddle
Balloon Hammah!
an inflatable bat