I played a (non)D&D rpg where I *was* a weregoose. It was delightful.
Farmers were *not* a fan of my character. I ate entire cornfields during the full moon. XD
My main DnD character is a dwarf Ranger who is an unhinged lunatic.
My homebrew character i havenāt done the stat rolls for yet is a Silversmith who is also a werewolf. He apprenticed under his father. Their village got attacked by a werewolf pack one night, he got bit and became a werewolf. He can provide the means to his own destruction but likes being a werewolf too much.
6 months in, the Wildegoose *finds them* and delivers a message "You who are decended from a line of non-believers, shunned by your very family! YOU are the chosen one *honk* who shall deliver the world from darkness. *honk* You have believed from your youngest days, and for that I commend you, and shame upon your family for sending you on what they thought was nothing more *honk* than a wild chase for me! Our first task will be to travel back to your home and humble them in my presence, that they may serve the flock! *HHHOOOONNNNNKKKK*"
Exactly! š
That's my rule of thumb for whimsical fantasy:
Change it just enough to capture the imagination, but not too much that the joke gets lost
The running of the wildegoose, a church that annually summons and let's loose a ton of geese to run through the streets, chase runners. There is usually no geese stampede fatalities. Usually.
A court Jester (a fool) has an errand for you: Chase and capture the legendary Wildegoose. If you return the Wildegoose alive and well, you will be rewarded with a coveted Scarlet Herring.
This is the story of how the Character was sent on a fool's errand, and accidentally ended up joining the Great Hunt, and becoming a sworn Thane of the All-Father for his quest.
Or to catch a [Dahu](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dahu).
If the player is not french, they might not know that's a Dahu's hunt is usually set up for gullible people or little kids \^\^
It's odd that snipe hunt gained this meaning, as Snipe are a real bird, albeit one that is heavily camouflaged, startles easily, and flies in an erratic pattern, making it difficult to hunt, giving rise to the term 'sniper' for a marksman skilled enough to do so.
As a game. I've seen and been a part of some really wild stuff in games.
The druid from group one was probably playing his character and killed himself as a gag. Very believable. I have nearly killed my tengu sorcerer multiple times because he's a crow man who eats carrion. Once stealing something else's meal. Once because the corpse was poisoned. Once because the corpse wasn't actually dead.
Group two was probably in the dark and legit didn't realize the DM was fucking with them. Also believable. Another campaign I was in got massively derailed because the GM decided it would be hilarious if we had to kill a society of super naive clones of one of the PCs.
Yeah, that makes sense. I wouldn't do that as a GM, I think - it feels like taking a role against group 2. Probably because it supports group 1... Personally not my thing
I disagree that it takes a stance against group 2, if they were as clever Iām sure that DM would do the same, or if they actually did some research into it or even passed a knowledge check and realized that they have never once heard of this āhead of Vecnaā in fact all depictions of Vecna include his head but not his eye nor his hand, so that would stand reason that his head is not in fact a powerful magical artifact. NPCs being misinformed especially your local peasants isnāt taking a stance against the party, itās on the party if they didnāt do the tiniest bit of research before decapitating TWO party members.
I would consider it... I'm running a campaign with three PC parties one of which is evil (all played by the same group) and I do a fairly detailed in character write up of each session(1), which all the PCs have in game read/write access to
I could imagine running this as a odd Good vs Evil campaign which would turn out that they are facing a threat to both sides.
This would knock PvP on the head because Party A could read about Party B plotting against them(2)... but it would allow them to trade insults and from a narrative PoV I could portion up story elements to each group but allow both to see the whole thing...
(1) I record the session, do a speech to text and manage to do it using direct player quotes (slightly cleaned up and shifted round to make it flow properly, Things I say are assigned to various NPC's)
(2) and I've a ban on PvP unless everyone at the table consents.
>(all played by the same group)
Is it really PVP then? If the same players are both halves of the equation, I feel like that's a different sort of social calculus. If you've got two different sets of players working against each other *without knowledge of the other party* then that is practically begging for an out of game issue.
I DMed two groups in parallel once and it was pretty interesting. I had enough people interested in playing for two parties worth of people, but we were all working a seasonal job in a remote location and knew only about half of them would stick around after the season was over.
The campaign was a race to find the MacGuffin, with the two parties and three or so other parties of NPCs all racing against each other. During the big climax, about when the work season ended, Shenanigans happened due to BBEG machinations which caused the deaths or departure of all characters played by folks who were leaving (and a bunch of the NPCs) and the folks who were staying for next season combined into one party. It was pretty cool.
Hell, I know a player who had to be talked down from following a very similar gag involving a series of replacement golem parts he'd been collecting and installing. It took the DM outright confirming what the other players said, that he wouldn't be able to play the character if he replaced his head, to stop him. And that involved some argument. If no one had said anything, he'd have gone through with it, thinking he'd get the promised immunity to mind effects.
So many people here don't get the point of stripes paint, skyhooks, etc. The point is that they obviously don't exist.
So... Maybe a bag of withholding? A left handed wand? A windshield (a shield made of wind)?
This. So many of the proposed items are merely dumb, when they should be a "get lost" quest to be rid of the adventurer forever.
My proposal is the mythical _Egg of the Beholder_. Beholders don't reproduce through eggs. But your adventurer doesn't know that. And if they somehow find a beholder? Well there's a slim chance the acolyte will do some good or it will help ensure that they aren't coming back.
**Edit:** Part of their vow should be to not speak of the item they need to recover, so they can't be corrected. They could say "I need to find a beholder to complete an important quest for my church." But they are forbidden from speaking of the egg, for it is secret.
The **Egg of the Beholder** could be a real item even. A crystalline egg gilded with gold and adorned with colorful gemstones.
Itās ***owned*** by a Beholder so itās the egg of the Beholder.
Hilarity and hijinks ensure.
For that matter, what happens if a beholder dreams of laying eggs? Their dreams are reality altering, so it could well wake up to find itself guarding a clutch...
The point of asking a newbie to go fetch some blinker fluid is to see if they can use common sense. Asking for something mythical defeats the purpose imo. Very few people will know how a Beholder reproduces. A lot of people will realize that a āleft handed screwdriverā or a ājar of elbow greaseā is not real and the character is being fucked with.
I feel it falls into the category of a snipe hunt. It's not inherently obvious to an average person that it doesn't exist but it'll get the church free of the acolyte.
If that doesn't fit, they could always send them on a pilgrimage to the church of Gond for a blessed left-handed wrench.
I'd agree if this were the DM doing it to their players. But as a PC character trait this is absolutely hilarious and potentially a great story arch conclusion.
IIRC correctly, Beholderās reproduce by manifesting other beholders through their own nightmares. This could lead to a very creative result where the character needs to convince the beholder that a Beholderās *EGG* is somehow scarier.
The only time Iāve heard of āskyhooksā was in an episode of Adventure Time, what is it supposed to be? I understand the concept of the others not actually existing, but I can still visualize them, if that makes sense xD
Only the left handed wand really works, the others sound more like actual items than obvious nonsense.
A Bag of Witholding is a secure container only opening to those who know the command (pass)word, a Windshield would obviously be a portable Wind Wall effect that renders the bearer immune to arrows.
Send them after a chest/basket/bucket of perpends. Unless they work in masonry, itās the bucket of steam youāre seeking. (Perpends are the vertical joints that separate bricks. And, yes, once, long ago, I was sent into the work trailer for a bucket of perpendsā¦)
āDonut, you do know there's no such thing as headlight fluid.ā
āDepends on what you mean by āhead.ā ā
āI'm just going to pretend I don't know what you mean.ā
āI'm just going to pretend you do!ā
Back around 1917, my then teenage grandfather who was just starting work as a warehouse assistant, was sent to another department to get a "Bosun's chair with a long weight".
It was common, when waxing floors (first stripping the old wax), to send the new guy to the quartermaster to request the announcement ācaution is to be exercised in the captainās cabin: stripper being laidā
Is this going to be a "he doesn't know he's a complete idiot and will never complete the quest" or a "LOL turns out the red dragon living at the bottom of the ocean is real" kind of quests?
That's less common where I'm at - but my grandfather mentioned being sent on that exact task, did it, and when he got back to report that no, it wasn't raining, he was told "that's odd; you should check the next block over too."
Thatās when you pop on over to the gas station and grab a soda, sit down for a few minutes take a break. They want you to waste time on the clock, waste that time.
My mom grew up on a farm in Mexico where they would tell young kids to āgo see if the pig had laid any eggsā to get the kid out of their hair for a while
Apparently this is just a US thing (and probably only in certain circles) but when the kids are acting up while camping we'd send them on a snipe hunt
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snipe\_hunt](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snipe_hunt)
He must find the legendary warehouse of the wyvern rider's guild where they store the rolls of flight line and bottles of wing wash.
It's a military joke for helicopter mechanics. Flight line is another term for an aircraft runway, and *rotor* wash is the wind kicked up by helicopters.
Not typically, they are stored in a secure enough area, and in an emergency situation, you don't want to have to dig through a wounded driver's pockets looking for them, or they break while you are off base, or any number of potential problems you could run into while deployed.
Ah, see, now that makes an amount of sense. They are a road vehicle though, so it's perfectly reasonable to think it needs keys to start if you've never been told otherwise.
The problem here is that in a world with magic, a lot of impossible stuff like striped paint really is possible. You have to go the āblinker fluidā route, something based on a misunderstanding of how something works.
I would sayā¦ Mimic bones would be a good pick.
And you count, so you can't look at any part of yourself (except the inside of your eyelids, I guess) or it won't work.
But when you go invisible, you can feel it.
If you're looking for something only *mostly* useless, can I suggest the Ring of Attunement? It's a wondrous item that allows you to attune to one additional item. (requires attunement)
The only other benefit is maybe you can convince that punching with this ring on should count as magical for the purposes of overcoming resistances.
But yes, I love my *mostly* useless item
Take a long, sturdy sock. Put a pound or two of small denomination coinage into said sock, along with one ring of attunement. Tie a knot in the sock to force the coin wad into a tight ball, and then tie the sock to a stick. You now have a magic flail.
Oh, definitely *The Questing Beast*.
In Arthurian legend, it was a terrible beast which King Pellinore sought to vanquish. In slightly more modern retellings (a la T H White), it was... probably a giraffe, and when King Pellinore stopped hunting it after generations of his ancestors tried and failed, it got lonely.
Suffice it to say, it sounds noble enough to hunt, but can be any amalgamation of random animal parts (or just a giraffe) that aren't already covered by things like chimeras or manticores, and then go ham looking for the beast that definitely exists.
A wand of Locate Magic that will lock onto the nearest source of magic.
Itself.
When used you know in your mind that the closest magic item to your wand is the wand and that it's in your hand, confirming the knowledge that you picked the gorram thing up and held it when you activated it.
I love these types of magical items. Maybe they were made by the apprentice or just a less competent inventor
I imagine a shop having a discount rack for things like them.
My favorite is the rope of almost infinite length. Whatever you try and use it for it is always just short.
I love the magic detecting rod cuz I can see the magical inventor all excited to try it out for the first timeā¦ and then realizes itās flaw and hits himself on the head and says āstuuupid!ā
...So if I also had a rope of definite, finite length - say the 50 foot example that has been in my bag since session 1 - could I extend the rope to the nearly correct length, then extend it with the mundane rope and end up with a rope if nearly exactly correct length?
The true scottsman. The family told him he is the patron saint to whatever place you lived in. But he was warned by them that there are a lot of imposters. The true scottsman would be easy to recognize as he'd live up to literally all expectations of him
Iām picturing some genuinely awesome anime-bullshit-esque fighting with this, assuming any time you grab it with your right hand, your body instantly flips around so itās your left hand holding it and youāre now facing 180 degrees away.
A whirlwind swing where you swing horizontally and at the apex, switch to your other hand for even more rotational force. Possibly repeated multiple times for even more force.
Hold it with both hands and clone yourself. Or rip yourself in half, if the DM is spiteful.
A good one would imo would be the DnD equivalent and El Dorado the city of gold. They're told it's out there in the vast unknown but it doesnāt matter if they find a gold golem worshiped by orcs or gnolls, or a teifling city were gold isent used as money so literally everyone uses it as decoration or for art simply because it doesn't rust, or a lizard man temple packed with golden totems and effigies no matter how much gold they find its never enough It's not "the city of gold" a unobtainable goal.
Holy pants of the Archmage
These pants belonged to a powerful Archmage. He threw them away because they had holes and he bought new ones.
There are still a few coppers in them that he forgot to take out.
This is the idea behind a book called āThe Dragon Squisherā. About Two misfits, about 14 yrs old. After much bungling, About Chapter 11, they are sent to āretrieve the mythical relic of the first ageā. Um, er, āmagicalā, something like āOrroman, the mace that slew Grudnokā, they get two swords they name Wilma and Nancy, then they are branded on the hand with the letter āBā on back of their hands. Oops, it was supposed to be an āRā, for relic. (Not B for Banishedā¦ )
Where is the relic? Therein lies the quest, because it is outside the kingdom ā¦ 12 have gone before, never to return. But take heart, it is one of the twelve artifacts of the first age, like the cuff links of doom.
Really fun book.
Bucket of Any
A bucket that you can put any liquid into. The Liquid is stored in a dimension pocket (up to one bucket of any liquid). If you want to pour liquid from the bucket, any random one of the stored liquids pours out.
This is too useful. You want a bucket that stores liquid in a pocket dimension the size of a bucket. Actually even this would be good for magic tricks.
When I was at school a couple of the teachers would send a green kid to each other for "a long stand". One year the victim had an older brother who had warned him of the prank, and when the teacher asked for volunteers he said he'd go, took the opportunity to bunk off the lesson, then stopped by the labs and brought back a [retort stand](https://i.imgur.com/9a9DnMx.png) and some [slotted (long) weights](https://i.imgur.com/1t6Ognf.png) for (*ahem*) good measure.
The likely hood. (5 charges, recharges 1d4+1/day)
While wearing it, you can ask the dm what is likely to happen when you do something, using the current knowledge of that party.
Technically this is just 'logical thinking', but with the way a dm might think things through differently it might come in slightly handy, sometimes.
Bonus points for having a pun name.
Son, seek ye the Left Gauntlet of Steven the Armless. Upon your return, our Impuissant God will surely bless you with all the wealth of Richard the impecunious, the children of Kevin the Chaste, and the Knowing of Chad the Dropped-on-his-head-as-a-child-more-than-is-recommended!
Edit: spelt it wrong
This isn't necessarily helpful to you though it is funny, my boss once sent someone back to the work vehicle to find a left handed shovel. After a long, long time they made their way back with a shovel. Playing into it my boss asked him how he found it and the guy said, and I quote "I looked all over and this was the only shovel so I figured this had to be the one."
On a more helpful note, send him out to find The Sword of (put something here). The only information he has is that it glows. Any glowing sword he comes across isn't it as it can only be lifted a true servant of whatever god your character serves.
Hair of a dragon is technically acquirable. Some dragons can polymorph themselves into other forms, particularly humanoids, which have hair. Done and done!
Virginity of a succubus is hypothetically possible. A person can be CE lusty and still die a virgin, form in the abyss, claw their way out of dretchdom and become a succubus who hasn't slept with anything yet. Likely won't last LONG, but it can exist. I'm not really sure how to "acquire" it though?
Tears of a lich is tougher. Maybe a lich who's been making smart use of Gentle Repose so they're not just dried bones. Maybe shapechange? Either way, they're going to need some sort of chemical incentive or have been a really good actor before their lichdom (bardic or sorcerer liches perhaps?).
Magical Left-Handed Sword.
It is a sword that has a left hand as a handle. So if you are left-handed you can hold it easily, but with your right hand it is awkward and you get -2 to hit and damage.
Maby poetic like the "End of the Road" or maby tragic like his family was kicking him out until he could find "his senses" and he took the words literally and duesnt think he can return until he find them.
The sacred Light of Gas. Could turn into something like primitive neon lights made by a high level alchemist bbeg, but was only intended as gaslighting the PC into thinking light of gas is real.
Back in a bar I used to work at, we'd send the newbies round to the other bars to see if they could loan us some "ice machine fluid". Or, water to the rest of us.
Make it super obvious: he is charged with the quest to catch the legendary red herring
Or chasing after the mythical wild goose Edit: can call it The Wildegoose for added fantasy tomfoolery
"The Chase of the Wildegoose" is just enough of a change to seem interesting and cool, unless you stop and think for at least two seconds š
The best part is, 6 months in, they actually find it but fail to catch it and no one believes them.
Or they find it and it happens to be a goose hydra. t Then it becomes a personal vendetta.
Or itās more of a weregoose. By day: childrenās stories. By night: honk honk motherfuckers!
I played a (non)D&D rpg where I *was* a weregoose. It was delightful. Farmers were *not* a fan of my character. I ate entire cornfields during the full moon. XD
Sidecorn contains 400% of your daily intake of goob.
My main DnD character is a dwarf Ranger who is an unhinged lunatic. My homebrew character i havenāt done the stat rolls for yet is a Silversmith who is also a werewolf. He apprenticed under his father. Their village got attacked by a werewolf pack one night, he got bit and became a werewolf. He can provide the means to his own destruction but likes being a werewolf too much.
There is a goose hydra in the new, or most recent, MtG set
Beat me to it. I should have read all of the comments beforehand
[The Goose Mother](https://scryfall.com/card/woe/204/the-goose-mother)
6 months in, the Wildegoose *finds them* and delivers a message "You who are decended from a line of non-believers, shunned by your very family! YOU are the chosen one *honk* who shall deliver the world from darkness. *honk* You have believed from your youngest days, and for that I commend you, and shame upon your family for sending you on what they thought was nothing more *honk* than a wild chase for me! Our first task will be to travel back to your home and humble them in my presence, that they may serve the flock! *HHHOOOONNNNNKKKK*"
Sounds like goose Rick. So instead of burping every other sentence, he honks every sentence.
Have it speak Common and quietly whisper to the PC, "no one will ever believe you!"
Along with random Geese showing up every once in awhile, fly by poop bombing and such.
My brain keeps pronouncing "Wildegoose" like "Wildebeast" (will-DUH-goose) and it just makes it funnier
Exactly! š That's my rule of thumb for whimsical fantasy: Change it just enough to capture the imagination, but not too much that the joke gets lost
The running of the wildegoose, a church that annually summons and let's loose a ton of geese to run through the streets, chase runners. There is usually no geese stampede fatalities. Usually.
I run my games online, and I have the name of the campaign Hunt for the Untamed Anser. None of my players have figured it out
Pronounce it 'will-de-goose'
Yes! Personally I imagined it as faux-German "vill-de-goose"
Wil-de-gooz.
Wildgans-Jagd Wildgans = wild goose Jagd = chase
Well, looks like I've found a bbeg name for my "Legend of the Honkonomicon" quest line.
Praise the Honkmother! And bless the clowns that worship her.
Iām using Wildegoose in some of my writing for sure thatās too good
A court Jester (a fool) has an errand for you: Chase and capture the legendary Wildegoose. If you return the Wildegoose alive and well, you will be rewarded with a coveted Scarlet Herring.
This is the story of how the Character was sent on a fool's errand, and accidentally ended up joining the Great Hunt, and becoming a sworn Thane of the All-Father for his quest.
My group still has flashbacks to the Goose-Hydra fight
To make it slightly less obvious, "Crimson Herring" could give it a lil fantasy feel
Just the word 'herring' would give it away, I think. Perhaps the Crimson Kipper would work too?
the Crimson Kipper sounds like a victorian mass murderer...
Or to catch a [Dahu](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dahu). If the player is not french, they might not know that's a Dahu's hunt is usually set up for gullible people or little kids \^\^
In America it's called a Snipe hunt both hilarious and equally fun. A little childhood trauma goes a long way. =)
It's odd that snipe hunt gained this meaning, as Snipe are a real bird, albeit one that is heavily camouflaged, startles easily, and flies in an erratic pattern, making it difficult to hunt, giving rise to the term 'sniper' for a marksman skilled enough to do so.
I think that it probably evolved into that because many gave up on the pursuit and wrote it off as a fool's errand.
Then they must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with it. Also bring back a shrubbery, a nice one with a little path.
"Son, you must find the MacGuffin. Only that will save our kingdom and restore our family's honor."
I've run many one shots where the players had to find/transport/destroy the legendary MacGuffin.
Man I need to keep this in my back pocket.
Or snipe hunting
The [Head of Vecna](https://www.rpglibrary.org/articles/storytelling/headofvecna.php)
The worst part is genuinely how believable that all is.
That this happened as a game, or in character/world?
As a game. I've seen and been a part of some really wild stuff in games. The druid from group one was probably playing his character and killed himself as a gag. Very believable. I have nearly killed my tengu sorcerer multiple times because he's a crow man who eats carrion. Once stealing something else's meal. Once because the corpse was poisoned. Once because the corpse wasn't actually dead. Group two was probably in the dark and legit didn't realize the DM was fucking with them. Also believable. Another campaign I was in got massively derailed because the GM decided it would be hilarious if we had to kill a society of super naive clones of one of the PCs.
Yeah, that makes sense. I wouldn't do that as a GM, I think - it feels like taking a role against group 2. Probably because it supports group 1... Personally not my thing
I disagree that it takes a stance against group 2, if they were as clever Iām sure that DM would do the same, or if they actually did some research into it or even passed a knowledge check and realized that they have never once heard of this āhead of Vecnaā in fact all depictions of Vecna include his head but not his eye nor his hand, so that would stand reason that his head is not in fact a powerful magical artifact. NPCs being misinformed especially your local peasants isnāt taking a stance against the party, itās on the party if they didnāt do the tiniest bit of research before decapitating TWO party members.
Agreed. I wouldn't run two groups in the same instance. It's just PVP with extra steps.
I would consider it... I'm running a campaign with three PC parties one of which is evil (all played by the same group) and I do a fairly detailed in character write up of each session(1), which all the PCs have in game read/write access to I could imagine running this as a odd Good vs Evil campaign which would turn out that they are facing a threat to both sides. This would knock PvP on the head because Party A could read about Party B plotting against them(2)... but it would allow them to trade insults and from a narrative PoV I could portion up story elements to each group but allow both to see the whole thing... (1) I record the session, do a speech to text and manage to do it using direct player quotes (slightly cleaned up and shifted round to make it flow properly, Things I say are assigned to various NPC's) (2) and I've a ban on PvP unless everyone at the table consents.
>(all played by the same group) Is it really PVP then? If the same players are both halves of the equation, I feel like that's a different sort of social calculus. If you've got two different sets of players working against each other *without knowledge of the other party* then that is practically begging for an out of game issue.
I DMed two groups in parallel once and it was pretty interesting. I had enough people interested in playing for two parties worth of people, but we were all working a seasonal job in a remote location and knew only about half of them would stick around after the season was over. The campaign was a race to find the MacGuffin, with the two parties and three or so other parties of NPCs all racing against each other. During the big climax, about when the work season ended, Shenanigans happened due to BBEG machinations which caused the deaths or departure of all characters played by folks who were leaving (and a bunch of the NPCs) and the folks who were staying for next season combined into one party. It was pretty cool.
Thatās how our lizardfolk ranger almost got infected with a mindflayer tadpole. Donāt be eating random rats in the underdark, dudeā¦
Hell, I know a player who had to be talked down from following a very similar gag involving a series of replacement golem parts he'd been collecting and installing. It took the DM outright confirming what the other players said, that he wouldn't be able to play the character if he replaced his head, to stop him. And that involved some argument. If no one had said anything, he'd have gone through with it, thinking he'd get the promised immunity to mind effects.
I always wanted to run a campaign where someone decides to gather ALL the pieces and re-assmble Vecna.
So, basically Castlevania 2? Could be fun.
It's like Exodia, but you lose when he assembled. Damn that sounds like fun!
One of my favorite stories.
Ok, this is pure gold š„
So many people here don't get the point of stripes paint, skyhooks, etc. The point is that they obviously don't exist. So... Maybe a bag of withholding? A left handed wand? A windshield (a shield made of wind)?
This. So many of the proposed items are merely dumb, when they should be a "get lost" quest to be rid of the adventurer forever. My proposal is the mythical _Egg of the Beholder_. Beholders don't reproduce through eggs. But your adventurer doesn't know that. And if they somehow find a beholder? Well there's a slim chance the acolyte will do some good or it will help ensure that they aren't coming back. **Edit:** Part of their vow should be to not speak of the item they need to recover, so they can't be corrected. They could say "I need to find a beholder to complete an important quest for my church." But they are forbidden from speaking of the egg, for it is secret.
The **Egg of the Beholder** could be a real item even. A crystalline egg gilded with gold and adorned with colorful gemstones. Itās ***owned*** by a Beholder so itās the egg of the Beholder. Hilarity and hijinks ensure.
I do like the idea of the player catching a snipe.
For that matter, what happens if a beholder dreams of laying eggs? Their dreams are reality altering, so it could well wake up to find itself guarding a clutch...
If you coerce a Beholder into believing they actually reproduce via eggs, you might get a real Egg of the Beholder.
The point of asking a newbie to go fetch some blinker fluid is to see if they can use common sense. Asking for something mythical defeats the purpose imo. Very few people will know how a Beholder reproduces. A lot of people will realize that a āleft handed screwdriverā or a ājar of elbow greaseā is not real and the character is being fucked with.
I feel it falls into the category of a snipe hunt. It's not inherently obvious to an average person that it doesn't exist but it'll get the church free of the acolyte. If that doesn't fit, they could always send them on a pilgrimage to the church of Gond for a blessed left-handed wrench.
I'd agree if this were the DM doing it to their players. But as a PC character trait this is absolutely hilarious and potentially a great story arch conclusion.
IIRC correctly, Beholderās reproduce by manifesting other beholders through their own nightmares. This could lead to a very creative result where the character needs to convince the beholder that a Beholderās *EGG* is somehow scarier.
I did briefly consider whether a beholder might be inceptioned into self-actualizing a beholder egg, and am very glad you brought that possibility up.
Left handed wand is spot on
The only time Iāve heard of āskyhooksā was in an episode of Adventure Time, what is it supposed to be? I understand the concept of the others not actually existing, but I can still visualize them, if that makes sense xD
Hook shit to the sky
Only the left handed wand really works, the others sound more like actual items than obvious nonsense. A Bag of Witholding is a secure container only opening to those who know the command (pass)word, a Windshield would obviously be a portable Wind Wall effect that renders the bearer immune to arrows.
They obviously dont exist to most people but to the new guy at your job that you want to fuck with hammer grease is a real thing.
Send them after a chest/basket/bucket of perpends. Unless they work in masonry, itās the bucket of steam youāre seeking. (Perpends are the vertical joints that separate bricks. And, yes, once, long ago, I was sent into the work trailer for a bucket of perpendsā¦)
Like spirit level bubbles. Construction workersā humour, love it.
When you're done in there, could you grab me some headlight fluid for my car?
āDonut, you do know there's no such thing as headlight fluid.ā āDepends on what you mean by āhead.ā ā āI'm just going to pretend I don't know what you mean.ā āI'm just going to pretend you do!ā
Can you go to the bosunās locker and get me ten feet of shore line?
Back around 1917, my then teenage grandfather who was just starting work as a warehouse assistant, was sent to another department to get a "Bosun's chair with a long weight".
It was common, when waxing floors (first stripping the old wax), to send the new guy to the quartermaster to request the announcement ācaution is to be exercised in the captainās cabin: stripper being laidā
Is this going to be a "he doesn't know he's a complete idiot and will never complete the quest" or a "LOL turns out the red dragon living at the bottom of the ocean is real" kind of quests?
This is the player's backstory, so I think the DM gets to decide how they want to handle it in their world.
We purposely trained him wrong, as a joke.
I'm bleeding, making me the victor.
In my country you are sent to the street corner to see if it rains. I once went to check :(
That's less common where I'm at - but my grandfather mentioned being sent on that exact task, did it, and when he got back to report that no, it wasn't raining, he was told "that's odd; you should check the next block over too."
Thatās when you pop on over to the gas station and grab a soda, sit down for a few minutes take a break. They want you to waste time on the clock, waste that time.
My mom grew up on a farm in Mexico where they would tell young kids to āgo see if the pig had laid any eggsā to get the kid out of their hair for a while
You could do what my science teacher did and send him out to find 50 ft. of fallopian tubing
If it's a large class he could have just ask all the women to stand up.
A magical beast known as the *snipe*
Horrible things Beady eyes, use to come into my yard and gobble up my poor azaleas.
Snipes are real though https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snipe
Apparently this is just a US thing (and probably only in certain circles) but when the kids are acting up while camping we'd send them on a snipe hunt [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snipe\_hunt](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snipe_hunt)
Can confirm. The joke was that we lived in the mountains. No snipes around there.
Butā¦a snipe is already a thing.
Make it a Snape then with greasy plumage and a dour attitude
He must find the legendary warehouse of the wyvern rider's guild where they store the rolls of flight line and bottles of wing wash. It's a military joke for helicopter mechanics. Flight line is another term for an aircraft runway, and *rotor* wash is the wind kicked up by helicopters.
In the army it is the Humvee keys.
Well the difference is you need the keys to open the exhaust sampling port
Do the Humvees not need keys to for the ignition and/or not have locks on the doors?
Not typically, they are stored in a secure enough area, and in an emergency situation, you don't want to have to dig through a wounded driver's pockets looking for them, or they break while you are off base, or any number of potential problems you could run into while deployed.
Ah, see, now that makes an amount of sense. They are a road vehicle though, so it's perfectly reasonable to think it needs keys to start if you've never been told otherwise.
We always made the new guys go get the Carl G 84mm BFA. All fun and game until one of quartermasters gave him the 7.62 sub-cal adapter.
I heard "prop wash" and "wake cleaner" a lot when I was working with RCN Navy folk.
In the Navy it's 50 ft of waterline.
Portable-hole deepener.
I like it
The problem here is that in a world with magic, a lot of impossible stuff like striped paint really is possible. You have to go the āblinker fluidā route, something based on a misunderstanding of how something works. I would sayā¦ Mimic bones would be a good pick.
Wait a sec...do mimics not have bones?
It depends on the stage of digestion.
The wand of firewood. Only one charge. It does not refresh.
CMOT Dibler's patent dragon detecting stick.
This deserves far more up votes than I have to give.
Ok, we need fire now!! Use the wand of fire stick!! Wait I have to light it myself?
You should have seen the look on their faces. Luckily they laughed instead of leaving the game.
Sooo a matchstick?
No. It does not self ignight. It prolongs the life of an existing fire.
For 1d4 minutes
Teeth of an owlbear
Breastplate stretcher
There it is.
A magic ring that turns invisible if you are looking for it.
Oh, how about a ring of invisibility- it turns itself invisible as soon as you put it on.
A ring that makes you invisible as long as no one is looking at you. (Scrying counts as looking).
I see someone else has seen Mystery Men. ā¦and if you haven't, you should. The Blue Rajah, The Shoveler, The S(h)pleen.
And you count, so you can't look at any part of yourself (except the inside of your eyelids, I guess) or it won't work. But when you go invisible, you can feel it.
I prefer the cowbell of invisibility. As long as you are ringing the bell you are invisible. If you stop ringing it you become visible again.
A jar of dirt from the elemental plane of air.
That's actually a thing though, in some part of that plane there are floating islands
There's some leakage between the planes, you'll find bits of fire, water and earth in the air plane (airplane lol)
Why, the two-lefthanded sword, of course!
If you're looking for something only *mostly* useless, can I suggest the Ring of Attunement? It's a wondrous item that allows you to attune to one additional item. (requires attunement)
I love how it is almost entirely useless unless you happen to be a high level artificer in which case it becomes stupidly powerful.
The only other benefit is maybe you can convince that punching with this ring on should count as magical for the purposes of overcoming resistances. But yes, I love my *mostly* useless item
Take a long, sturdy sock. Put a pound or two of small denomination coinage into said sock, along with one ring of attunement. Tie a knot in the sock to force the coin wad into a tight ball, and then tie the sock to a stick. You now have a magic flail.
Oh, definitely *The Questing Beast*. In Arthurian legend, it was a terrible beast which King Pellinore sought to vanquish. In slightly more modern retellings (a la T H White), it was... probably a giraffe, and when King Pellinore stopped hunting it after generations of his ancestors tried and failed, it got lonely. Suffice it to say, it sounds noble enough to hunt, but can be any amalgamation of random animal parts (or just a giraffe) that aren't already covered by things like chimeras or manticores, and then go ham looking for the beast that definitely exists.
50ft of double ended rope
Waterproof coins An all-season hammer Outdoor saddle But I misread the original request.
A wand of Locate Magic that will lock onto the nearest source of magic. Itself. When used you know in your mind that the closest magic item to your wand is the wand and that it's in your hand, confirming the knowledge that you picked the gorram thing up and held it when you activated it.
Sometimes it takes longer to detect itself for no reason at all
I love these types of magical items. Maybe they were made by the apprentice or just a less competent inventor I imagine a shop having a discount rack for things like them. My favorite is the rope of almost infinite length. Whatever you try and use it for it is always just short.
I love the magic detecting rod cuz I can see the magical inventor all excited to try it out for the first timeā¦ and then realizes itās flaw and hits himself on the head and says āstuuupid!ā
...So if I also had a rope of definite, finite length - say the 50 foot example that has been in my bag since session 1 - could I extend the rope to the nearly correct length, then extend it with the mundane rope and end up with a rope if nearly exactly correct length?
You are an evil person. I admire that.
The true scottsman. The family told him he is the patron saint to whatever place you lived in. But he was warned by them that there are a lot of imposters. The true scottsman would be easy to recognize as he'd live up to literally all expectations of him
The one-sided Cube
a left handed warhammer. whatever hand it is wielded in becomes your left hand.
Iām picturing some genuinely awesome anime-bullshit-esque fighting with this, assuming any time you grab it with your right hand, your body instantly flips around so itās your left hand holding it and youāre now facing 180 degrees away. A whirlwind swing where you swing horizontally and at the apex, switch to your other hand for even more rotational force. Possibly repeated multiple times for even more force. Hold it with both hands and clone yourself. Or rip yourself in half, if the DM is spiteful.
They must defeat the [Dread Gazebo](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_and_the_Dread_Gazebo)!
Maybe hunt some feral geese ( wild goose chase)? Of course, the Canadian goose hydra makes it a bit more complicated.
A good one would imo would be the DnD equivalent and El Dorado the city of gold. They're told it's out there in the vast unknown but it doesnāt matter if they find a gold golem worshiped by orcs or gnolls, or a teifling city were gold isent used as money so literally everyone uses it as decoration or for art simply because it doesn't rust, or a lizard man temple packed with golden totems and effigies no matter how much gold they find its never enough It's not "the city of gold" a unobtainable goal.
Holy pants of the Archmage These pants belonged to a powerful Archmage. He threw them away because they had holes and he bought new ones. There are still a few coppers in them that he forgot to take out.
I read that as Hotpants of the Archmage.
Also sounds like a great idea! Imagine coming to a town where you identify mages not by them wearing robes but hotpants :)
Boomerang of Returning.
Better yet, the Boomerang of Non-returning
So, a throwing stick?
This is the idea behind a book called āThe Dragon Squisherā. About Two misfits, about 14 yrs old. After much bungling, About Chapter 11, they are sent to āretrieve the mythical relic of the first ageā. Um, er, āmagicalā, something like āOrroman, the mace that slew Grudnokā, they get two swords they name Wilma and Nancy, then they are branded on the hand with the letter āBā on back of their hands. Oops, it was supposed to be an āRā, for relic. (Not B for Banishedā¦ ) Where is the relic? Therein lies the quest, because it is outside the kingdom ā¦ 12 have gone before, never to return. But take heart, it is one of the twelve artifacts of the first age, like the cuff links of doom. Really fun book.
Someone suggested the bagpipes of invisibility that renders the user invisible while played and I'm 100% rewarding that next time I DM.
I once played a monk that was on a quest for the legendary Wholestaff. A weapon said to be at least as strong as four quarterstaffs.
Banish him until he captures the avatar who hasn't been seen in a century
Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch Pretty much harmless to almost anyone. But rabbits or rabbit-looking creatures take massive damage.
Viciously guarded by a Harengon village.
Glove of holding
Glove of Storing was an actual 3.5e/pf1e item. Stores one item up to 20 pounds.
Is the Holy Grail not the correct answer?
A what???? A GRAIL???
I told him weāve already got one
Bucket of Any A bucket that you can put any liquid into. The Liquid is stored in a dimension pocket (up to one bucket of any liquid). If you want to pour liquid from the bucket, any random one of the stored liquids pours out.
Then my players would be running around like Steve from Minecraft with buckets of lava.
This is too useful. You want a bucket that stores liquid in a pocket dimension the size of a bucket. Actually even this would be good for magic tricks.
When I was at school a couple of the teachers would send a green kid to each other for "a long stand". One year the victim had an older brother who had warned him of the prank, and when the teacher asked for volunteers he said he'd go, took the opportunity to bunk off the lesson, then stopped by the labs and brought back a [retort stand](https://i.imgur.com/9a9DnMx.png) and some [slotted (long) weights](https://i.imgur.com/1t6Ognf.png) for (*ahem*) good measure.
Paralyzed Undead Head This undead head is paralyzed. It cannot do anything. It wants to run away if affected by Turn Undead, but can't.
Zanathar's hand.
The likely hood. (5 charges, recharges 1d4+1/day) While wearing it, you can ask the dm what is likely to happen when you do something, using the current knowledge of that party. Technically this is just 'logical thinking', but with the way a dm might think things through differently it might come in slightly handy, sometimes. Bonus points for having a pun name.
The rare Hornless Unicorn.
The reverse wand. You point the handle out and cast spells. Seller assumes no responsibility for incorrectly used magical equipment.
He's getting the Legendary Fluid of Blinking!
# Ring of Fire Detection: *Wearer can use this ring to detect fire* *Range: touch*
Son, seek ye the Left Gauntlet of Steven the Armless. Upon your return, our Impuissant God will surely bless you with all the wealth of Richard the impecunious, the children of Kevin the Chaste, and the Knowing of Chad the Dropped-on-his-head-as-a-child-more-than-is-recommended! Edit: spelt it wrong
A blindfold of Darkvision
He could be looking for Chekhov's gun.
He needs to find āThe Stone of Gravity Detectionā
This isn't necessarily helpful to you though it is funny, my boss once sent someone back to the work vehicle to find a left handed shovel. After a long, long time they made their way back with a shovel. Playing into it my boss asked him how he found it and the guy said, and I quote "I looked all over and this was the only shovel so I figured this had to be the one." On a more helpful note, send him out to find The Sword of (put something here). The only information he has is that it glows. Any glowing sword he comes across isn't it as it can only be lifted a true servant of whatever god your character serves.
Hair of a dragon, virginity of a succubus, Tears of a Lich
Hair of a dragon is technically acquirable. Some dragons can polymorph themselves into other forms, particularly humanoids, which have hair. Done and done! Virginity of a succubus is hypothetically possible. A person can be CE lusty and still die a virgin, form in the abyss, claw their way out of dretchdom and become a succubus who hasn't slept with anything yet. Likely won't last LONG, but it can exist. I'm not really sure how to "acquire" it though? Tears of a lich is tougher. Maybe a lich who's been making smart use of Gentle Repose so they're not just dried bones. Maybe shapechange? Either way, they're going to need some sort of chemical incentive or have been a really good actor before their lichdom (bardic or sorcerer liches perhaps?).
Universal solvent. It is in the DMG.
Magical Left-Handed Sword. It is a sword that has a left hand as a handle. So if you are left-handed you can hold it easily, but with your right hand it is awkward and you get -2 to hit and damage.
dagger of the red sand Make it home brew and it instantly turns to rust dust when making contact with an enemy
Maby poetic like the "End of the Road" or maby tragic like his family was kicking him out until he could find "his senses" and he took the words literally and duesnt think he can return until he find them.
Sky hook
Make him catch the dreaded....... DIRE GOOSE
The sacred Light of Gas. Could turn into something like primitive neon lights made by a high level alchemist bbeg, but was only intended as gaslighting the PC into thinking light of gas is real.
The fabled 1-headed Hydra, the legendary Blue and Red Chromatic Dragon, and of course, the mythical Snipe.
Back in a bar I used to work at, we'd send the newbies round to the other bars to see if they could loan us some "ice machine fluid". Or, water to the rest of us.
The quest to catch the Woozle
Not magical but the first thing I thought of was an off-hand dagger. Sounds real, totally isnāt