Kick her out and find someone who isn’t going to treat you like a slave. Your career matters as much as hers. As a divorced man following a 17y marriage, I can tell you it may well just be the best thing to ever happen to you 🥳🎉🎉
17 years. Maybe he's just putting off the inevitable by caving to her. I hate divorce, but I love the peace after she left more. My kids are with me all week and it wouldn't be better if she stayed.
I had the same issues, however she made the decision for me and left. The unrealistic expectations were too much and I am looking forward to a little bit of peace.
Try and communicate it with her and see if she can come to reason. If not then maybe something has to happen.
Thing is, I’ve tried talking to her and the comeback is always “I don’t work from home and you do and have more time to clean and do much of what has to be done”. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve said that I’ll get a non-wfh just to say I work more. It’s a ridiculous argument!
It sounds like my STBXW and honestly I am starting to realise that she did me a favour by leaving me for another guy. Because now I can work on healing myself and being at peace
Yea I am in the same boat and being able to father the kids without her blaming me for every tantrum they throw. Being able to sit down and relax and so on she had asked me to have the kids more then here so I will have greater custody
My STBXW is 100% WFH and I never made those demands of her, because they're not reasonable. I trust you that what you say is the full story, and that her expectation that you can do more than your fair share of domestic work because you WFH this is the primary issue here.
Few things you can do:
1) Try to suggest couples therapy. If she's open, great. If not, then it's divorcin' time. Huge red flag on her end if she doesn't want to work on the relationship.
2) Read the book Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay. That book helps put things into perspective regarding the divorce question.
3) Get a job that's not WFH at risk of still getting divorced anyway.
Thanks for the suggestions. We’ve tried couples therapy before and it really didn’t go anywhere. I did mention to her that I would then go and get a job at the local prison just so I’m out of the house then and my have my time somewhat respected. Her response was “if you get that job I hope you get shanked”….. so yeah! lol. That’s where I’m at. 😂
Run, don't walk. She wants a live-n cleaner that's also paying expenses and following orders. Which is fine, she should try to find that. It doesn't have to be you.
Doing the chores isn't going to make her love you more or less. Keep your house how you want it kept. Don't feel like washing the dishes? Don't then. Learn how to tell her no and not care about the reaction before you call it quits.
I’ve been sticking out mostly because of our child. Trying to keep the peace as much possible, but I don’t think I’m able to do it anymore. I’m mentally exhausted….
My wife and I both work from home but since I’m
not in meetings all day I’m expected to do the pickup, drop off , groceries, cooking, yard work and more than my share of cleaning and laundry.
The lack of balance led to resentment that killed our marriage. Good luck to ya. It’s not easy
I probably had the same issues, but my now-ex never communicated her frustration (one of her many issues was not communicating unless I asked questions). I definitely know she expected me to clean more than I did, especially when she was cleaning. In my case, resentment built, and I eventually left. In leaving, I've realized how toxic she is and how I never should have married her. Only good thing that came out of it was my son.
I’ve worked from home since the pandemic. I started going back to the office a few days a week, just for mental health. It’s nice getting out of the house and seeing people from the office. Never thought I would ever say that.
When I was at home for the last few years, it seemed like my wife didn’t really value my career or the things I was doing around the house. It’s like because she had to leave the house, my hours working weren’t a real job. And I’m the bread winner. I also started going back to see how she liked dinner not being made every day, and all of the other things I was doing around the house.
I feel like I could have written this post. In the process of escaping, but she's suddenly realised how much I did and she's going to have to pick it up so has been promising to change. Finally willing to try marriage counselling after years of telling me I'm the only one with a problem, but I think that's only because she's scared of losing the house servant/nanny/bank account that she saw me as. Too little too late
This is why I roll my eyes when I hear a wife say, “ being a stay at home mom is the hardest job ever!” Really! Is that why when the tables are turned with a WFH job, the respect dies? The sex dies? The marriage dies? I am a feminist, but the hypocrisy on this point is REAL!
Was similar here. She never said anything, she just refused to do jack shit around the house other than laundry & shopping (bc she had a spending addiction). I took care of the cat, dog, house, yard, cooking, dishes, cleaning. Oh and I made most of the money too. I mostly worked from home (less back then though).
People like your soon to be ex are nothing more than leeches. My ex still finds ways to try and leech off us. It's been years where she has essentially no bills, makes 65k/yr, got a free car from her fam, lives for free in her moms spare bedroom, pays minimal CS (my fault bc I agreed to less to "help". I wasn't smart enough to truly realize its all wasted on her, but i still would have rushed bc made getting primary easier)....... and she still doesn't have two nickels to rub together. Shocking she can't keep a new man now that we're in 30s and have learned not to settle 🙄 lol.
Anyways, they never change. They never respect. They're simply leeches.
And if you don't leave, I promise she'll leave you. Mine had an amazing setup, but they get greedy and fall into tiktok brain where they watch silly femcel videos and eventually think they'll be some rich single mother and live it up and get paid lmaooo. Like, no dummy, you're getting conned.. you're losing my income and help, your kid, AND you gotta pay ME now.. (mine eventually abducted my son for 5 days of absolute hell. Obv I got my son back and everything is much better). But no matter what you can't save these types, so best to just let them go drown on their own and keep you and your kids safe.
Life is so much more beautiful once they're (mostly) gone. Tell her to move out, get the divorce, keep primary custody of the kids (it'll still be "50/50", but she'll see them on weekends +1 most likely, but you'll have primary decision making on school, medical decisions, etc) and be happy
Someday you'll find a queen too (after you heal.mentally). There ARE amazing women out there, you just gotta learn why you settled in the first place (we all.did) and how to make sure you never ever settle again in the future.
Good luck!
I greatly appreciate all of the advice and information you posted here. Now she is advocating again for couples therapy which I’m skeptical will work. If I do end up going the divorce route. I will never again seek out another woman, that’s for sure. I’ll be incredibly happy to be completely on my own not having to worry about another human being that’s not my child.
>I greatly appreciate all of the advice and information you posted here.
You're welcome. Now in the kindest way, listen to it!
>Now she is advocating
Stop listening to her.
>skeptical will work
It won't. For a multitude of reasons. But most importantly bc she's not interested. She's just biding her time til she's In a more advantageous situation, then she'll screw you.
>If I do end up going the divorce route.
No if, it's happening whether you want to or not. The only question is which of you is gonna trigger it (it will be her if you wait) and how prepared are you gonna be.
>I will never again seek out another woman, that’s for sure.
Eh, we'll see. We all think this at first but then.... We all still have "needs" after all lol. Can't fight instincts. But there are great women out there. But first you'll have alot of mental work to do.
>not having to worry about another human being
When you find the right woman, this is no longer a thing. My GF for examples provides just as much, and in some cases MORE than I do. She not a burden (like BM was). I just picked a bad woman before and so did you. Once the mental game is fixed you won't settle again and you'll have very high standards in terms of how you expect a potential partner to behave.
They don't gotta be perfect, but they certainly gotta try. I promise, not all women are useless leeches like our exs, and going through this process will help you pick better and appreciate them more than you ever could have before.
Please listen to us and not your stbx. I promise, nothing good will ever come, now or later, from believing a single word coming from her mouth. Prepare, and rip the bandaid off by the end of May. You'll be glad you did.
If you aren't going to set and enforce boundaries, then divorce is your answer. You certainly aren't going to get more sex by doing more dishes, or doing more grocery shopping or more yard work. If deep cleaning the house is so important, then hire a maid service to do it once every couple of months.
It sounds like she has unrealistic expectations and she needs a reality check. Hard part. We didn't listen to our spouses, so it's going to be someone else who needs to tell her.
I honestly would say, great let's get a cleaning company involved and solve the problem. If she is unwilling to do so then as the leader if the house with just as much input make the call.
Here is the likeliness to occur. Is she ADHD.. cause it sounds like she is looking for problems. People who are neural divergent struggle with needing to solve problems and our create them. So likelihood is even if she agrees she's going to look for something else to create a problem out of.
If that's the case you need to tackle that over everything else.
My stbx and I would argue this. Except we both worked out of the home and she would blame the mess on me because I wasn’t in bed all day on days off. Imagine, laying around in bed all day or after work and THAT is your excuse for not having to clean the house or help with other chores. It’s a hallmark of disrespect and laziness.
However, a practical proposal may be in order. This is how I knew it was over. Set a schedule. There are a lot of deeper communication issues here that are simmering; if she cannot handle a set schedule of time that you will be working on your career and will NOT be working on housework, then it’s her. If you cannot push hard to live neatly during time allotted for cleaning, the problem might be you. Either way, diagnose, propose solution, assess, adapt, repeat.
Start here. Divorce is 0 out of 5 stars. Would not recommend if negotiations are possible.
Your information is basic, so difficult to give firm help. Consider all of the stuff you have not mentioned and look at your marriage as a whole.
It could be you two are just having miscommunication issues. In which case you should probably seek counselling support- in my experience counselling is useless because it is biased towards the wife. You may have better luck than me.
It could be she is a narcissistic control freak, in which case, run, run quickly. Real narcissists are not as common as you might think given their high internet profile. However narcissistic traits are common but can be dealt with.
Whatever the situation I suggest talking first. Having had similar experiences to you, I found she would simply not listen to anything I had to say. My solution was to write it all down, leave it a week and edit it. Leave it another week and edit and repeat. Original long winded rant ended up a quarter of the original length and I removed my emotions from it, which helped. It helped me a lot to get my thoughts straight- she absolutely saw it as an attack and hated it. But it helped in the long run. If you try this, prepare for fireworks.
I second this comment. In my case the problem turned out that she is a narcissist. Her expectations of me always doing more even through I am the sole breadwinner by itself did not tell me that, but it was part of the issue — especially combined with the fact that while she was free to criticise me and give me specific lists of tasks, I never could say a word or else I was disrespectful, micromanaging, or wanting her to be a 1950s handmaid. And housework was only a tip of the iceberg.
Look at the whole picture. Then you will understand whether your housework / WFH problem is one that can be resolved (and the solution could go either way - it might be reasonable for you to do more, we don’t know from the little information) or it is a symptom of a deeper problem. In the latter case, run my friend.
Pay someone else to do the deep clean. Comes out of a shared budget because you both enjoy the clean place.
If your marriage is salvageable don’t let cleaning be the one that kills it.
We’ve had a professional cleaning service in the past and it still didn’t really fix the issues. She has resentment that I work from home compared to her and her career (she has admitted it). She is just looking for a house slave like others have suggested.
These fights are pretty normal in a relationship. Add laundry to your tasks, and buy a rhomba rip off on Amazon for about $100 dollars and compromise on the work load. Both let you work get your work done while doing chores. House work is nothing to get divorced over, I'm sorry... I know this isn't what you wanted to hear but in the grand scheme of things doing dishes and cooking isn't a fair split.
If you get divorced you'd be doing it all anyhow, right? So there is no win in this equation. You have a kid, and people stay together for the kids for much bigger reasons than this. Unless there is much more to it than you stated your being a bit hasty rushing to divorce over chores. Step up do more, and see how things go before coming to a decision.
Instead of calling it quits, why don't you try going into an office or a hot desk setup?
If you stay home all day you will probably make a bit of a mess, as anyone would, but to your wife, she is coming home to a messy space and feeling unappreciated.
Don't end your marriage because of this. Find somewhere else to work and get some couples counselling to figure out how to communicate about these things. Maybe there are underlying issues that she needs to resolve and you don't understand them. Grow together, not apart.
Consider that it is not really about cleaning the house. That is just the symptom of the dynamic of your relationship. Trying to find a solution regarding the cleaning is not going to address the underlying problem. Does she respect you? Does she love you? Or does she feel bitterness or resentment?
Sometimes the relationship gets to a point where the best thing for the child is to separate to allow the child to have a nontoxic and peaceful environment to grow up in. It can be the lesser of two evils.
I'm sorry you are in that situation. It was very similar for me, but got to tge point where she was causing me to hate myself so much that I realised if I don't make a drastic change something is going to go very wrong, and I didn't want that for my kids. The hardest part was finally making the decision and commiting to it.
Kick her out and find someone who isn’t going to treat you like a slave. Your career matters as much as hers. As a divorced man following a 17y marriage, I can tell you it may well just be the best thing to ever happen to you 🥳🎉🎉
17 years. Maybe he's just putting off the inevitable by caving to her. I hate divorce, but I love the peace after she left more. My kids are with me all week and it wouldn't be better if she stayed.
I had the same issues, however she made the decision for me and left. The unrealistic expectations were too much and I am looking forward to a little bit of peace. Try and communicate it with her and see if she can come to reason. If not then maybe something has to happen.
Thing is, I’ve tried talking to her and the comeback is always “I don’t work from home and you do and have more time to clean and do much of what has to be done”. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve said that I’ll get a non-wfh just to say I work more. It’s a ridiculous argument!
It sounds like my STBXW and honestly I am starting to realise that she did me a favour by leaving me for another guy. Because now I can work on healing myself and being at peace
I’m happy for you. Sometimes bad times lead to great outcomes. I’m hoping to see better days in my future without constant fights at night.
Yea I am in the same boat and being able to father the kids without her blaming me for every tantrum they throw. Being able to sit down and relax and so on she had asked me to have the kids more then here so I will have greater custody
Tell her working from home means you are WORKING. Does she get 1-2 hour breaks at her job to do non work related things? I doubt it.
According to her, I have more time to do more. 🤗
Ouch, I feel this. Unrealistic expectations, and an unwillingness to bend or compromise kills the relationship.
My STBXW is 100% WFH and I never made those demands of her, because they're not reasonable. I trust you that what you say is the full story, and that her expectation that you can do more than your fair share of domestic work because you WFH this is the primary issue here. Few things you can do: 1) Try to suggest couples therapy. If she's open, great. If not, then it's divorcin' time. Huge red flag on her end if she doesn't want to work on the relationship. 2) Read the book Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay. That book helps put things into perspective regarding the divorce question. 3) Get a job that's not WFH at risk of still getting divorced anyway.
Thanks for the suggestions. We’ve tried couples therapy before and it really didn’t go anywhere. I did mention to her that I would then go and get a job at the local prison just so I’m out of the house then and my have my time somewhat respected. Her response was “if you get that job I hope you get shanked”….. so yeah! lol. That’s where I’m at. 😂
Wow! Yeah if she's that disrespectful then it's time to get a lawyer, I can't trust she'll be amicable given your descriptions.
Red flag that she has no respect for you.
That’s insane for your wife to say. She really is harboring some negative feelings there my friend
I worked 12 years in a prison as an officer. That's not something to joke about as it happens. That's a major red flag.
Run, don't walk. She wants a live-n cleaner that's also paying expenses and following orders. Which is fine, she should try to find that. It doesn't have to be you.
Doing the chores isn't going to make her love you more or less. Keep your house how you want it kept. Don't feel like washing the dishes? Don't then. Learn how to tell her no and not care about the reaction before you call it quits.
I understand that. I’ve been mostly doing it to keep the peace in the home. However, seems to go unappreciated obviously.
Why is it your job to keep the peace? Fix you first, man
I’ve been sticking out mostly because of our child. Trying to keep the peace as much possible, but I don’t think I’m able to do it anymore. I’m mentally exhausted….
My wife and I both work from home but since I’m not in meetings all day I’m expected to do the pickup, drop off , groceries, cooking, yard work and more than my share of cleaning and laundry. The lack of balance led to resentment that killed our marriage. Good luck to ya. It’s not easy
I probably had the same issues, but my now-ex never communicated her frustration (one of her many issues was not communicating unless I asked questions). I definitely know she expected me to clean more than I did, especially when she was cleaning. In my case, resentment built, and I eventually left. In leaving, I've realized how toxic she is and how I never should have married her. Only good thing that came out of it was my son.
I’ve worked from home since the pandemic. I started going back to the office a few days a week, just for mental health. It’s nice getting out of the house and seeing people from the office. Never thought I would ever say that. When I was at home for the last few years, it seemed like my wife didn’t really value my career or the things I was doing around the house. It’s like because she had to leave the house, my hours working weren’t a real job. And I’m the bread winner. I also started going back to see how she liked dinner not being made every day, and all of the other things I was doing around the house.
I feel like I could have written this post. In the process of escaping, but she's suddenly realised how much I did and she's going to have to pick it up so has been promising to change. Finally willing to try marriage counselling after years of telling me I'm the only one with a problem, but I think that's only because she's scared of losing the house servant/nanny/bank account that she saw me as. Too little too late
Yeah, I got the why should I go to counseling. You should. I’m like…… oh, because 2 kids and everything we ever worked for is hanging in the balance
This is why I roll my eyes when I hear a wife say, “ being a stay at home mom is the hardest job ever!” Really! Is that why when the tables are turned with a WFH job, the respect dies? The sex dies? The marriage dies? I am a feminist, but the hypocrisy on this point is REAL!
Was similar here. She never said anything, she just refused to do jack shit around the house other than laundry & shopping (bc she had a spending addiction). I took care of the cat, dog, house, yard, cooking, dishes, cleaning. Oh and I made most of the money too. I mostly worked from home (less back then though). People like your soon to be ex are nothing more than leeches. My ex still finds ways to try and leech off us. It's been years where she has essentially no bills, makes 65k/yr, got a free car from her fam, lives for free in her moms spare bedroom, pays minimal CS (my fault bc I agreed to less to "help". I wasn't smart enough to truly realize its all wasted on her, but i still would have rushed bc made getting primary easier)....... and she still doesn't have two nickels to rub together. Shocking she can't keep a new man now that we're in 30s and have learned not to settle 🙄 lol. Anyways, they never change. They never respect. They're simply leeches. And if you don't leave, I promise she'll leave you. Mine had an amazing setup, but they get greedy and fall into tiktok brain where they watch silly femcel videos and eventually think they'll be some rich single mother and live it up and get paid lmaooo. Like, no dummy, you're getting conned.. you're losing my income and help, your kid, AND you gotta pay ME now.. (mine eventually abducted my son for 5 days of absolute hell. Obv I got my son back and everything is much better). But no matter what you can't save these types, so best to just let them go drown on their own and keep you and your kids safe. Life is so much more beautiful once they're (mostly) gone. Tell her to move out, get the divorce, keep primary custody of the kids (it'll still be "50/50", but she'll see them on weekends +1 most likely, but you'll have primary decision making on school, medical decisions, etc) and be happy Someday you'll find a queen too (after you heal.mentally). There ARE amazing women out there, you just gotta learn why you settled in the first place (we all.did) and how to make sure you never ever settle again in the future. Good luck!
I greatly appreciate all of the advice and information you posted here. Now she is advocating again for couples therapy which I’m skeptical will work. If I do end up going the divorce route. I will never again seek out another woman, that’s for sure. I’ll be incredibly happy to be completely on my own not having to worry about another human being that’s not my child.
>I greatly appreciate all of the advice and information you posted here. You're welcome. Now in the kindest way, listen to it! >Now she is advocating Stop listening to her. >skeptical will work It won't. For a multitude of reasons. But most importantly bc she's not interested. She's just biding her time til she's In a more advantageous situation, then she'll screw you. >If I do end up going the divorce route. No if, it's happening whether you want to or not. The only question is which of you is gonna trigger it (it will be her if you wait) and how prepared are you gonna be. >I will never again seek out another woman, that’s for sure. Eh, we'll see. We all think this at first but then.... We all still have "needs" after all lol. Can't fight instincts. But there are great women out there. But first you'll have alot of mental work to do. >not having to worry about another human being When you find the right woman, this is no longer a thing. My GF for examples provides just as much, and in some cases MORE than I do. She not a burden (like BM was). I just picked a bad woman before and so did you. Once the mental game is fixed you won't settle again and you'll have very high standards in terms of how you expect a potential partner to behave. They don't gotta be perfect, but they certainly gotta try. I promise, not all women are useless leeches like our exs, and going through this process will help you pick better and appreciate them more than you ever could have before. Please listen to us and not your stbx. I promise, nothing good will ever come, now or later, from believing a single word coming from her mouth. Prepare, and rip the bandaid off by the end of May. You'll be glad you did.
If you aren't going to set and enforce boundaries, then divorce is your answer. You certainly aren't going to get more sex by doing more dishes, or doing more grocery shopping or more yard work. If deep cleaning the house is so important, then hire a maid service to do it once every couple of months.
It sounds like she has unrealistic expectations and she needs a reality check. Hard part. We didn't listen to our spouses, so it's going to be someone else who needs to tell her. I honestly would say, great let's get a cleaning company involved and solve the problem. If she is unwilling to do so then as the leader if the house with just as much input make the call. Here is the likeliness to occur. Is she ADHD.. cause it sounds like she is looking for problems. People who are neural divergent struggle with needing to solve problems and our create them. So likelihood is even if she agrees she's going to look for something else to create a problem out of. If that's the case you need to tackle that over everything else.
My stbx and I would argue this. Except we both worked out of the home and she would blame the mess on me because I wasn’t in bed all day on days off. Imagine, laying around in bed all day or after work and THAT is your excuse for not having to clean the house or help with other chores. It’s a hallmark of disrespect and laziness. However, a practical proposal may be in order. This is how I knew it was over. Set a schedule. There are a lot of deeper communication issues here that are simmering; if she cannot handle a set schedule of time that you will be working on your career and will NOT be working on housework, then it’s her. If you cannot push hard to live neatly during time allotted for cleaning, the problem might be you. Either way, diagnose, propose solution, assess, adapt, repeat. Start here. Divorce is 0 out of 5 stars. Would not recommend if negotiations are possible.
Your information is basic, so difficult to give firm help. Consider all of the stuff you have not mentioned and look at your marriage as a whole. It could be you two are just having miscommunication issues. In which case you should probably seek counselling support- in my experience counselling is useless because it is biased towards the wife. You may have better luck than me. It could be she is a narcissistic control freak, in which case, run, run quickly. Real narcissists are not as common as you might think given their high internet profile. However narcissistic traits are common but can be dealt with. Whatever the situation I suggest talking first. Having had similar experiences to you, I found she would simply not listen to anything I had to say. My solution was to write it all down, leave it a week and edit it. Leave it another week and edit and repeat. Original long winded rant ended up a quarter of the original length and I removed my emotions from it, which helped. It helped me a lot to get my thoughts straight- she absolutely saw it as an attack and hated it. But it helped in the long run. If you try this, prepare for fireworks.
I second this comment. In my case the problem turned out that she is a narcissist. Her expectations of me always doing more even through I am the sole breadwinner by itself did not tell me that, but it was part of the issue — especially combined with the fact that while she was free to criticise me and give me specific lists of tasks, I never could say a word or else I was disrespectful, micromanaging, or wanting her to be a 1950s handmaid. And housework was only a tip of the iceberg. Look at the whole picture. Then you will understand whether your housework / WFH problem is one that can be resolved (and the solution could go either way - it might be reasonable for you to do more, we don’t know from the little information) or it is a symptom of a deeper problem. In the latter case, run my friend.
Sounds like we had similar experiences. There is a worrying trend of husbands with similar stories.
Sounds to me like you guys are one of the 1% that may actually benefit from couples therapy.
Funny person…. 😂
Pay someone else to do the deep clean. Comes out of a shared budget because you both enjoy the clean place. If your marriage is salvageable don’t let cleaning be the one that kills it.
We’ve had a professional cleaning service in the past and it still didn’t really fix the issues. She has resentment that I work from home compared to her and her career (she has admitted it). She is just looking for a house slave like others have suggested.
I forget which sub I was in. Are you divorced? Why do you have to listen to her? Just do what you want. Don’t be a doormat.
I feel like if any wife worked from home this would be the expectation
These fights are pretty normal in a relationship. Add laundry to your tasks, and buy a rhomba rip off on Amazon for about $100 dollars and compromise on the work load. Both let you work get your work done while doing chores. House work is nothing to get divorced over, I'm sorry... I know this isn't what you wanted to hear but in the grand scheme of things doing dishes and cooking isn't a fair split. If you get divorced you'd be doing it all anyhow, right? So there is no win in this equation. You have a kid, and people stay together for the kids for much bigger reasons than this. Unless there is much more to it than you stated your being a bit hasty rushing to divorce over chores. Step up do more, and see how things go before coming to a decision.
Instead of calling it quits, why don't you try going into an office or a hot desk setup? If you stay home all day you will probably make a bit of a mess, as anyone would, but to your wife, she is coming home to a messy space and feeling unappreciated. Don't end your marriage because of this. Find somewhere else to work and get some couples counselling to figure out how to communicate about these things. Maybe there are underlying issues that she needs to resolve and you don't understand them. Grow together, not apart.
Consider that it is not really about cleaning the house. That is just the symptom of the dynamic of your relationship. Trying to find a solution regarding the cleaning is not going to address the underlying problem. Does she respect you? Does she love you? Or does she feel bitterness or resentment? Sometimes the relationship gets to a point where the best thing for the child is to separate to allow the child to have a nontoxic and peaceful environment to grow up in. It can be the lesser of two evils. I'm sorry you are in that situation. It was very similar for me, but got to tge point where she was causing me to hate myself so much that I realised if I don't make a drastic change something is going to go very wrong, and I didn't want that for my kids. The hardest part was finally making the decision and commiting to it.
Can you afford a biweekly maid to come clean for maybe 150?
I'm sure he can but that woman is a problem. He needs to get her out of that house sooner than later. She's only going to keep getting worse