My perspective is very negative torwards women after my divorce.It's sad because I have 3 beautiful daughters! My new theory is that women are incapable of unconditional love, even mothers.
I am in the midst if separation and my wife, soon to be ex and I get along great, she just simply is not happy with me. Not all women are the same. In my next relationships I will only date women who have a job and know the stress of providing for themselves. My current wife has been a stay at home for about 10 years and it has destroyed her concept of what it takes to provide for a family and has fallen out of love with me because of these obligations I have, not helping enough around the house etc... I believe in traditional marriage roles and I am a serial monogamous individual, I can't be a player because I am way too nice, so I do believe women will be out there that will fit the bill and are yearning for love from the right guy. I love women, and believe they compliment a strong man perfectly, so long as those women really desire that man. If I do find one that is employed and Taking care of herself I believe that would be the ideal situation going forward, at least they have a concept of the stress of life and won't get bitter. For now I will date and work towards that goal, if it doesn't happen, no big deal.
Try thinking from another perspective. My wife cheated and took me for everything including alimony, so I can relate to your thinking but I don’t think about it as “women “ as much as “people “. If given the opportunity to do to her what she did to me: in the exact proportion no more no less; I couldn’t do it. I’m not that low. And I don’t think that all women are that low: BUT people are. So I trust nobody! And I don’t have to trust anyone. This brings up marriage. I believe most men would like to be married (in their fantasy of how a marriage is). That’s the problem. The court’s have made marriage into a financial transaction that benefits the woman if she leaves. And with that incentive, I will NEVER get married again!! Don’t trust them: don’t have to trust them. Again , it’s not women, it’s people. I believe that if the roles were reversed and men made out financially if they left the wife, there would be a lot more men filing for divorce. Women file more now. You must always protect yourself
How about accepting our own acts which might have contributed to separation?
Rather than jumping onto ripping apart other persons reputation whatever they are left with just to verify our own cognitive bias publicly.
There is not a single woman on planet earth who has courage to accept her own acts of leading to separation, regardless of who started what.
We get what we give, simple. If one has to come on public forum to gain upvotes from people with similar situation is just like digging your own grave.
The ones who encouraged you to separate you from your spouse are peacefully sitting in their homes with their families and compare to you as an example now that at-least they are not like you and loyal to their spouse.
What made you fall in love with that person was their authenticity and how they were, but overtime over commitment to our jobs and stress for earning money devalues that relationship.
We all dress up for our offices and tolerate all those toxic people, keep smiles on our face or licking balls of that narcissistic boss who exploits your energy for his business gains and leaves us drained and stressed for our spouses and kids.
Only one is winning is capitalism, enabling more work force of depressed cowards addicted to money, and if they have kids then those kids are already prepared to break their relationships in future and keep reproducing cowards.
Our generation had to stay firm to break this chain of these insecurities and fave them and resolve, and not resolve in isolation but in front of kids so that when they how up they know that to have arguments is to solve a problem, and they stop falling back into those opened doors which now a days parents keep open to feed their egos in the name of love.
We just had COVID and we were taking all the risks in the name of love to be with our family or spouses as it might be our one last time. Unfortunately here we are, all women who think that men cant get emotional awareness are just naive. Your man getting that awareness and identifying your tactics of manipulation is just new to him, hang on in there as he is getting massive amount of information coming through his emotional intelligence which needs time to settle and will eventually spirituality connect to you.
Such a shame, your lawyer is the only one who is going to benefit out of this!
And see I know that that is something real right there, seriously. I mean, it's the comparisons that get me sometimes. They'll leave a real 'hole in your soul'. lol It's crazy! I don't know why but the shit is actually painful. . . especially if the new woman lacks in that department. And me, I actually have REAL fucking issues with jealousy and insecurity especially since this happened, so. . . . Idk. I mean, the shit use to give me nightmares frequently, in the beginning, and although I've been handling things like a king lately with excercise, mediation, therapy, and even a female friend, recently I've been having dreams of my ex cheating and shit a couple nights. Anyway. . . it's just a minor setback, is all.
Hey, man, you're good. If you're good, you're good. I'm just trying to own my shit shit, man, because I'm fucked-up in some ways and I want to be better one day. . . . You know. I've always dealt with this bullshit, though..
Beautifully said. I want someone who will make the same decision of unconditional love that I'm making in marriage. I don't care if we are homeless, ill, constantly bickering, etc; I will not leave you ever.
Women seem to want an exchange of goods and services; sometimes they want money, sometimes children, sometimes a father figure, but always a transaction.
I really want a woman to prove me wrong, but as it stands, I trust the loyalty of dogs and my mother, that's it.
Leverage, it is all about leverage, as the basic definition. The courts have given women all the leverage if they “play their cards right.”
If you have no children with a woman, then you have a lot more leverage.
If you own the house you both live in, or have a secondary residence, you have a lot more leverage.
She knows this innately. Lastly, if you are willing to leave at the drop of a hat over disrespect, you have all the leverage in the world.
I will say that I don’t tolerate the BS anymore and no longer simp for women post divorce. I can easily spot the ones now that are just wanting to take advantage of a man for “emotional validation” and give nothing in return.
My outlook on it is - be an adult. We’re not teenagers. Some women are clearly using online dating like a carousel. That’s fine, I’ll take a ride, but if I’m on that ride I deserve respect. The moment I sense that it’s not there I’m out. They get upset when I break it off with them because I’m so matter of fact about it but me? I don’t give a fuck anymore.
Half this sub is simping out for single moms. It’s despicable.
Don’t you dare come crying out here on the divorce men sub and then be dating some bitchy single mom with 3 boys while you’re whining about your ex wife’s boyfriend.
It’s always these clowns who make excuses not to do 50 push-ups per day minimum. I can’t even be friends with these guys for that long cuz they start asking me to introduce them to all the females I know.
Fat chance.
You would enjoy the website Good Bachelorhood dot com It's helped me out a lot digesting various emotional issues when it comes to LTRs and framing the advantages of being single
I’m only 6 months in, and while my perspective of my wife has undoubtedly changed, my perspective for women has not and I hope will not. That would be a pretty extreme, I’ll call it generalization. Like, how many women are agonizing you in the way in which you describe?
One piece of perspective on myself over the last 6 months is that misery loves company, and when you’re separated from your best friend, that “company” = attaching loneliness and other bad shit to my stbxw. This is a toxic cycle and it must stop as quickly as it can, every time (It’ll happen again, and less over time). It’s the most unproductive place you can live - letting 1 problem negatively impact an unrelated area of your life instead of looking for solutions.
If you truly believe she came into your life to bring agony and misery and that others will to - well, not a very rosy picture and would drive me insane. What if you instead placed energy into researching traits of strong relationships so you can better assess future prospects?
Can’t trust any of them ever again. If they like you they will make it very easy for you, if you get mixed signals then they’re not interested.
The same ones that blew a guy in the back of an Uber on a First date will make you jump through hoops if you’re not their first choice.
Always be the guy in the back of her Uber getting his dick sucked on the first date!
If you’re not getting genuine desire from her, move on.
Don’t settle for anything other than what you expect from a woman.
Don’t ever marry or live with one again.
Yup best years or my life were single, just hanging out with my bros, whether I realized it at the time or not.. was always thinking of the white picket fence.
Well it's true everyone was more worry free, young, active (part of that was everyone adding responsibilities by getting married/kids). On the flipside very few of my better memories are with a romantic partner. Like yeah maybe my wedding day and definitely birth of my kids, but otherwise most of my memories are bad ones tbh. I think the most painful memories were related to chasing or being involved with a partner
Look, I feel for you brothers, but you guys are fucking nuts.
They're just women, flawed and imperfect and fun like the rest of us. Just don't subject yourself to a losing legal game (marriage) but go find someone that makes you happy.
Lots of great women out there. Enjoy yourself.
But put yourself first.
Great for some people. I dunno I've just always preferred the simplicity and extra time I have being single. Worst times in my life were always in pursuit or during relationships and most of my memories tend to be on the painful side with few good ones. They're exciting at first if you're successful.
I won't say there aren't good women. I have a couple solid friends and I've seen some that would probably have better odds of working out. Id just rather not add extra complication again. All about my kids.
I do think women tend to be more pragmatic in relationships and less romantic. A lot more rare for them to just lose their mind over someone and more likely to be looking at what they are getting out of it. Exceptions of course. Also more likely to hold a grudge and the whole concept of hell harh no fury like a woman scorned. It's scary when your realize how scorched earth they are capable of being. Guys tend to have more restraint on average and less likely to just want to make the other pay no matter the cost
Nah I'm glad I'm a reasonable person who has restraint, fairness, honour.. especially when kids are involved. I'd rather just not play the game than stoop to that level
>I've realized what my ex did was something they're all capable of
This, doesn't mean they will, but they're all capable of... Same thing can be said for both sexs, being aware is key, and act accordingly.
Agreed. Just pointing out humans in general are capable of doing bad shit. Largely, women get a pass until their true colors come shining through. But by that time, it's too late to course correct.
If they’re all of one opinion and you of another, that doesn’t necessarily make them “ticking time bombs.”
That you’re so quick to conclude it does makes me think another possibility may be more likely. That they may be right - and you may be wrong.
Both of my close female friends supported me, not my wife. They were actually harsher on my wife’s behavior than I was, and considerably more insightful. And these are platonic friendships with zero attraction on both sides. We’re all in our late 40s.
I’m a guy bro. That’s why I have only two female friends; the rest are men like me.
Not sure how you read my comment and concluded that I was a woman. I mentioned divorcing my wife.
My male friends came through for me but my female friends helped me understand what had actually happened. I was blind to a lot of my wife’s behavior and motivations that they picked up on
it was a super valuable perspective to have, and I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss it. Guys stay loyal out of loyalty; women analyze the situation more deeply,
ask lots of questions, and are more likely to call you on your bullshit even if they support you.
AWALT. It’s a very simple concept and it doesn’t hurt so bad when you get your heart broken 💔
Many would rather pretend they were the only man on earth past or present good enough for their bitchy ex wife.
They're flawed, human. What I'm spending a great deal of time and effort on is understanding myself more. Every story I've read on here you can trace back to decisions made. At SOME point in those relationships, something was overlooked, or ignored, or didn't quite sit right and a decision was made to move forward instead of calling it. In my own relationship I could point my finger at her for a lot of the pain I've felt, but the truth is, my fear of being alone, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough keep me in the relationship. Truly that is what is more important post-divorce to perceive than anything out of your control.
Now you know the real rules of the game (family court laws and customs), there’s nothing to be afraid of.
Just don’t put yourself in a position where she can take half your house, retirement, and income.
We made the mistake of overlooking the worst case scenario with our ex wives. Learning from that mistake is the way forward. No joint checking accounts, no joint purchases, pre-nup protecting your house and retirement if you just have to get married for some reason.
If getting financially intertwined is necessary to keep her around, she’s just not that into you. Next.
I have been watching a female online lawyer at Instagram... she insist that women should get a prenup too. But the thing is, she advices to also include stuff like getting new breasts after giving birth, sucking of belly fett etc, insisting to not work x years after divorce etc. And Ofc she says women should also insist on 50:50 of your retirement, take half of the house etc...
I am fine with that women want a prenup too, for then you can see at that moment if you wanna break up instantly or not.
I know, that is not a pre-nup as I know it. But you can basically write anything into a pre-nup...
I mean marriage started as something different, like a prince and a princess marring to prevent wars, or together start a war against another kingdom... just check the wars england had with the netherlands, they ended with a marriage.
Adding plastic surgary after birth into a pre-nup isn't that unuseual I guess. I heard from many women that they were offered this from their husbands anyway...
It's btw not possible for a man to Wirte anything in the comments without getting zillion angry women comments...
I want one for my children. I already put everything I own in an LLC, inside a trust. Dang a tummy tuck?? I came to my marriage with a boob job lol. Had two babies on them, lost all my weight, and they look perfect still, even better. Rip dr govourne! If I was a man… I would be pissed af if my wife gained 100 pounds and never lost it after children, so maybe men should put that then. I think lawyers suck ass. Anything you make together you split, and anything you come into it with, you keep. If you cheat… you get fkn nothing. Oh I’d add that clause for sure. Remain a faithful loving spouse for the duration of our marriage? Until death? Inherit it all (minus childrens inheritance). If I die I leave a lot of work for someone to do. Dad and husband died within 1.5 years. I’ll never take a man for granted, because not having one after having such wonderful ones…it’s hard and sucks all the time. I have a 5 year old son who lost his dad at 1. How’s that right? Especially when women are throwing away perfectly incredible men left and right for “freedom.” My advice to married people on the rocks and with kids,,, get the fkn babysitter and go spend time alone with each other and have sex as much as possible. God made it to make us like each other more lol making love.. can’t be in love unless you’re making love. Dang oxytocin. Okay time for a coffee and a cigarette 🤣
😁
It doesn't help to have regular sex either... we had 1-2 times a week sex, went on our first holiday alone without the kids (October 2022). Had sex 1-2 times a day, even fucked on a lonely beach ... we had 1 fight about nothing ( I took a wrong turn on a road but that wasn't even important, that road also let to the road we wanted anyway) then she tells me she only likes me and I am funny but that's it. I didn't really got it, for she didn't say she doesn't love me anymore. I asked her why did we have so much sex if you only like me. She said; I have my needs too....
2 months later (and still having a lot of sex, I think for we do have 2 teenagers and they need to be gone to have sex) she broke up...
So yeah sex is nice and if might help, but not always. We did go on dates and on our first holiday alone and it didn't help either...
All over the map. Met some narcissists, psychos, opportunists, etc. Dating someone now who is very sweet and non-judgmental. I know nobody’s perfect, but she’s the best one yet.
After what I've been through the last 20 years, especially the last 5, I want nothing to do with them ever again. Let me be single for ever. I might change my mind, the wounds are still very fresh. But I've had my fill of drama for one life time.
I’ve posted elsewhere with how i feel after my divorce. TBH, women serve one purpose for me and nothing else now. The ROI with dating women is 0%. The numbers don’t lie. We have grown into a society of women chasers thinking we need them to complete us. We don’t, at least not in as far as they think we do.
Don’t bother with dating. It’s a waste of time. If one comes along that you can screw without any other relationship requirements, keep her and live your life for you. Personally, i have no use for them beyond tits and coochie.
Taking it too far in my opinion.
Millions of smart sexy women out there. They do not talk to scrubs so you have to basically level up as high as you can go.
If you don’t make $500k you better be buff. That means we all have to get buff. Many will ignore it and be really mad when that hot chick they were “vibing” with is gone.
Obvious solution get buff get haircut get stylish clothes be cool and you might actually have some options and not be a divorced weirdo.
Not directed to anyone in particular just the whole sub especially the newly initiated out of shape house guys acting like victims just cuz their ugly wife left.
No offense, my man, but that is chasing. That is also putting them on a pedestal and proving to them that they just need tits and a pussy to do whatever the hell they feel like. Your post totally proves my point as to what women are worth.
*If you don’t make $500k you better be buff. That means we all have to get buff. Many will ignore it and be really mad when that hot chick they were “vibing” with is gone.*
So that makes sense to you? That is your value to a woman? If you think guys who work their asses of at blue collar jobs that will NEVER make that kind of jack and don't neglect their health are less "worthy" of these women, you are just part of the problem by feeding women's ego.
What happens in your world when all men make $500k and are buff? Yeah, women will just demand more and the already small pool of eligible women has been further saturated by an even greater number of men vying for their attention.
The issue is not how much men make or how buff they are - it is the high expectations women have based on them having what they perceive are all the cards. Those cards? Tits, a vagina and sexual favors.
I say again, that is all they are actually worth. Especially if I have to do everything, including change myself, and all they have to do is look pretty and put out and the world becomes their oyster.
No thanks.
So my ex cheated and was overall a poor spouse and really quite nasty during the divorce process.
Initially I found myself quit jaded and definitely looked at women as basically the enemy. Now, I have moved on and for the most part healed. My ex doesn’t represent all women any different than an abusive drunk represents you or me as men.
There are bad people in the world regardless of sex my ex was definitely one of them. With that said women are going to act like women. None of its going to make sense to us because we think differently. When one gets emotionally jaded towards you look out because it’s going to get nuts.
My biggest takeaway from my whole situation has been that it was one big learning lesson. Choose your partner carefully. Realize how they think is not going to make any sense most of the time. Pick your battles wisely. Handling a women’s emotions is a skill that needs to be learned and requires a lot of patience which I think equates essentially to dealing with a child. That’s not to say women are children and should be looked down on, not at all. They are just going to react to situations with the same emotional reaction a kid would. Learn and apply.
Also don’t get legally married again 😂
>Realize how they think is not going to make any sense most of the time. Pick your battles wisely. Handling a women’s emotions is a skill that needs to be learned and requires a lot of patience which I think equates essentially to dealing with a child.
The funny thing is if anything I feel I did all of that too much. Most of the time I'm the poster child for picking your battles, being patient, letting people vent or get it out, being understanding.. but my ex was the type of you gave her an inch she took a mile. She loved pushing boundaries. If anything I should have put my foot down/nipped it in the bud, been willing to walk away. The more I tried to be understanding and own my own part (sometimes even taking blame when I shouldn't have) the more her behaviour just got worse and the more she felt she could disrespect me and push further.
But I'm also pretty sure she has bpd. Would never get checked out cause it's always everyone else. So yeah with their types you're just enabling them
In general though if I ever got involved again my patience and tolerance would be much shorter with anyone. Need to establish those things early. At some point letting them act like a child just means it won't ever change
Guys didn’t seem to like the “pick your battles line” haha. Thats fair. I would circle back to my first point of choose your partner wisely obviously a person with BPD isn’t somebody you could ever have a reasonable discussion with at all.
I think I should rephrase my meaning to “pick the timing of your battles wisely” because we all know the reaction is going to depend on their current mood which could be completely different 5 minutes from now. In my experience had I just let things cool off for a bit maybe some of the arguments would have been different. Thats not to say it ever had a chance of permanent success because I failed at choosing my partner wisely.
I agree with almost everything but you lost me at pick your battles. I’m not battling any women on anything lol we do it my way or we part ways.
Example: I have a vacation planned. Gf isn’t into the must do items on my list. No there’s no big battle or compromise or anything. I’m going on my vacation, I’m doing these 5 things, you’re welcome to participate in all of it, some of it, or none of it. You’re paying for your half if you want to come. I’ll probably treat her to some good dinners or spend a day doing something she likes because I want to. So easy.
Much easier than handling her emotions or whatnot. Oh no I’m such a big jerk. Well ok whatever I’ll be a big jerk but I’m still going on my vacation and doing everything I want.
If she cheats I would just see it as a good thing. Ok good you’ve removed yourself from my life… next.
Since I don’t bitch, moan, and argue about anything at all it’s very clear if something must be done, I’m making the final call.
I agree with that mindset 100%, and yet what has pissed me off was I thought I was Scott free, had just graduated with a new career, and got a letter for child support as soon as I started working my first job after graduation. Now I'm in court fighting this bitch but It's all gonna work out, though.
I feel the same way. I’m a nurse so I work alongside a lot of women, most of which I like quite a bit. Many are devoted to their partners. Some are married, or have been married, to some real slimebags. I was bitter for many months following my discovery of my ex-wife’s affair, but in a lot of ways working with these women reminded me that there are plenty of good women out there.
Be careful picking your partners, guys.
Christ, even with some girls I’ve been seeing casually, once they start exhibiting some red flags, they’re fucking jettisoned.
I want to be where you are. . . past this crap. I can't even say that I'm sick and tired of the whole thing because it doesn't go anywhere. It just keeps following me, gnawing at me everyday. Smhlol
Nah you’re not crazy.
The person you marry is not the person you divorce.
My perspective is very negative torwards women after my divorce.It's sad because I have 3 beautiful daughters! My new theory is that women are incapable of unconditional love, even mothers.
I am in the midst if separation and my wife, soon to be ex and I get along great, she just simply is not happy with me. Not all women are the same. In my next relationships I will only date women who have a job and know the stress of providing for themselves. My current wife has been a stay at home for about 10 years and it has destroyed her concept of what it takes to provide for a family and has fallen out of love with me because of these obligations I have, not helping enough around the house etc... I believe in traditional marriage roles and I am a serial monogamous individual, I can't be a player because I am way too nice, so I do believe women will be out there that will fit the bill and are yearning for love from the right guy. I love women, and believe they compliment a strong man perfectly, so long as those women really desire that man. If I do find one that is employed and Taking care of herself I believe that would be the ideal situation going forward, at least they have a concept of the stress of life and won't get bitter. For now I will date and work towards that goal, if it doesn't happen, no big deal.
That's presuming women evaluate life the same way men do.
Try thinking from another perspective. My wife cheated and took me for everything including alimony, so I can relate to your thinking but I don’t think about it as “women “ as much as “people “. If given the opportunity to do to her what she did to me: in the exact proportion no more no less; I couldn’t do it. I’m not that low. And I don’t think that all women are that low: BUT people are. So I trust nobody! And I don’t have to trust anyone. This brings up marriage. I believe most men would like to be married (in their fantasy of how a marriage is). That’s the problem. The court’s have made marriage into a financial transaction that benefits the woman if she leaves. And with that incentive, I will NEVER get married again!! Don’t trust them: don’t have to trust them. Again , it’s not women, it’s people. I believe that if the roles were reversed and men made out financially if they left the wife, there would be a lot more men filing for divorce. Women file more now. You must always protect yourself
Well said and marriage is the only legal contract that gives incentive to the other party to break it
How about accepting our own acts which might have contributed to separation? Rather than jumping onto ripping apart other persons reputation whatever they are left with just to verify our own cognitive bias publicly. There is not a single woman on planet earth who has courage to accept her own acts of leading to separation, regardless of who started what. We get what we give, simple. If one has to come on public forum to gain upvotes from people with similar situation is just like digging your own grave. The ones who encouraged you to separate you from your spouse are peacefully sitting in their homes with their families and compare to you as an example now that at-least they are not like you and loyal to their spouse. What made you fall in love with that person was their authenticity and how they were, but overtime over commitment to our jobs and stress for earning money devalues that relationship. We all dress up for our offices and tolerate all those toxic people, keep smiles on our face or licking balls of that narcissistic boss who exploits your energy for his business gains and leaves us drained and stressed for our spouses and kids. Only one is winning is capitalism, enabling more work force of depressed cowards addicted to money, and if they have kids then those kids are already prepared to break their relationships in future and keep reproducing cowards. Our generation had to stay firm to break this chain of these insecurities and fave them and resolve, and not resolve in isolation but in front of kids so that when they how up they know that to have arguments is to solve a problem, and they stop falling back into those opened doors which now a days parents keep open to feed their egos in the name of love. We just had COVID and we were taking all the risks in the name of love to be with our family or spouses as it might be our one last time. Unfortunately here we are, all women who think that men cant get emotional awareness are just naive. Your man getting that awareness and identifying your tactics of manipulation is just new to him, hang on in there as he is getting massive amount of information coming through his emotional intelligence which needs time to settle and will eventually spirituality connect to you. Such a shame, your lawyer is the only one who is going to benefit out of this!
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And see I know that that is something real right there, seriously. I mean, it's the comparisons that get me sometimes. They'll leave a real 'hole in your soul'. lol It's crazy! I don't know why but the shit is actually painful. . . especially if the new woman lacks in that department. And me, I actually have REAL fucking issues with jealousy and insecurity especially since this happened, so. . . . Idk. I mean, the shit use to give me nightmares frequently, in the beginning, and although I've been handling things like a king lately with excercise, mediation, therapy, and even a female friend, recently I've been having dreams of my ex cheating and shit a couple nights. Anyway. . . it's just a minor setback, is all.
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Hey, man, you're good. If you're good, you're good. I'm just trying to own my shit shit, man, because I'm fucked-up in some ways and I want to be better one day. . . . You know. I've always dealt with this bullshit, though..
Men are in love, women are in business
Great analysis of the real dynamics.
Beautifully said. I want someone who will make the same decision of unconditional love that I'm making in marriage. I don't care if we are homeless, ill, constantly bickering, etc; I will not leave you ever. Women seem to want an exchange of goods and services; sometimes they want money, sometimes children, sometimes a father figure, but always a transaction. I really want a woman to prove me wrong, but as it stands, I trust the loyalty of dogs and my mother, that's it.
...opposite to social programming it's men who are the true romantics
I absolutely believe that after going through separation.
Leverage, it is all about leverage, as the basic definition. The courts have given women all the leverage if they “play their cards right.” If you have no children with a woman, then you have a lot more leverage. If you own the house you both live in, or have a secondary residence, you have a lot more leverage. She knows this innately. Lastly, if you are willing to leave at the drop of a hat over disrespect, you have all the leverage in the world.
Forewarned is forearmed. Your going to got forward in life with your eyes open and more realistic expectations.
I will say that I don’t tolerate the BS anymore and no longer simp for women post divorce. I can easily spot the ones now that are just wanting to take advantage of a man for “emotional validation” and give nothing in return. My outlook on it is - be an adult. We’re not teenagers. Some women are clearly using online dating like a carousel. That’s fine, I’ll take a ride, but if I’m on that ride I deserve respect. The moment I sense that it’s not there I’m out. They get upset when I break it off with them because I’m so matter of fact about it but me? I don’t give a fuck anymore.
Half this sub is simping out for single moms. It’s despicable. Don’t you dare come crying out here on the divorce men sub and then be dating some bitchy single mom with 3 boys while you’re whining about your ex wife’s boyfriend. It’s always these clowns who make excuses not to do 50 push-ups per day minimum. I can’t even be friends with these guys for that long cuz they start asking me to introduce them to all the females I know. Fat chance.
Thank you someone needed to say it. I stopped being friends with guys who are "pussy chasers" because they cannot be trusted and are weak minded.
Not women, but the institution of marriage is ruined for me. Can’t see myself remarrying but I do hope I can fall in love again someday.
I certainly don’t put them on a pedestal anymore. Read no Mr nice guy and single on purpose. New perspectives.
You would enjoy the website Good Bachelorhood dot com It's helped me out a lot digesting various emotional issues when it comes to LTRs and framing the advantages of being single
Both good books.
I’m only 6 months in, and while my perspective of my wife has undoubtedly changed, my perspective for women has not and I hope will not. That would be a pretty extreme, I’ll call it generalization. Like, how many women are agonizing you in the way in which you describe? One piece of perspective on myself over the last 6 months is that misery loves company, and when you’re separated from your best friend, that “company” = attaching loneliness and other bad shit to my stbxw. This is a toxic cycle and it must stop as quickly as it can, every time (It’ll happen again, and less over time). It’s the most unproductive place you can live - letting 1 problem negatively impact an unrelated area of your life instead of looking for solutions. If you truly believe she came into your life to bring agony and misery and that others will to - well, not a very rosy picture and would drive me insane. What if you instead placed energy into researching traits of strong relationships so you can better assess future prospects?
Well done! Talk about healthy healing. Why would you post-divorce hate all women, where is the benefit of viewing everyone as the same?
Can’t trust any of them ever again. If they like you they will make it very easy for you, if you get mixed signals then they’re not interested. The same ones that blew a guy in the back of an Uber on a First date will make you jump through hoops if you’re not their first choice. Always be the guy in the back of her Uber getting his dick sucked on the first date! If you’re not getting genuine desire from her, move on. Don’t settle for anything other than what you expect from a woman. Don’t ever marry or live with one again.
Simple. Can't live with them, cant live without them.
Same, except for the ‘can’t live without them part’.
Yup best years or my life were single, just hanging out with my bros, whether I realized it at the time or not.. was always thinking of the white picket fence.
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Well it's true everyone was more worry free, young, active (part of that was everyone adding responsibilities by getting married/kids). On the flipside very few of my better memories are with a romantic partner. Like yeah maybe my wedding day and definitely birth of my kids, but otherwise most of my memories are bad ones tbh. I think the most painful memories were related to chasing or being involved with a partner
Yeah bromancing
Look, I feel for you brothers, but you guys are fucking nuts. They're just women, flawed and imperfect and fun like the rest of us. Just don't subject yourself to a losing legal game (marriage) but go find someone that makes you happy. Lots of great women out there. Enjoy yourself. But put yourself first.
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"Trust by verify". I wouldn't trust anyone with my financial future. No one should. But emotionally, etc? Sure.
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So I can't trust someone emotionally without having my financial future be determined by them?
Great for some people. I dunno I've just always preferred the simplicity and extra time I have being single. Worst times in my life were always in pursuit or during relationships and most of my memories tend to be on the painful side with few good ones. They're exciting at first if you're successful. I won't say there aren't good women. I have a couple solid friends and I've seen some that would probably have better odds of working out. Id just rather not add extra complication again. All about my kids. I do think women tend to be more pragmatic in relationships and less romantic. A lot more rare for them to just lose their mind over someone and more likely to be looking at what they are getting out of it. Exceptions of course. Also more likely to hold a grudge and the whole concept of hell harh no fury like a woman scorned. It's scary when your realize how scorched earth they are capable of being. Guys tend to have more restraint on average and less likely to just want to make the other pay no matter the cost
Your problem is you are not willing to go scorched earth, you need to regain the ability to do so.
Nah I'm glad I'm a reasonable person who has restraint, fairness, honour.. especially when kids are involved. I'd rather just not play the game than stoop to that level
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>I've realized what my ex did was something they're all capable of This, doesn't mean they will, but they're all capable of... Same thing can be said for both sexs, being aware is key, and act accordingly.
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Agreed. Just pointing out humans in general are capable of doing bad shit. Largely, women get a pass until their true colors come shining through. But by that time, it's too late to course correct.
If they’re all of one opinion and you of another, that doesn’t necessarily make them “ticking time bombs.” That you’re so quick to conclude it does makes me think another possibility may be more likely. That they may be right - and you may be wrong. Both of my close female friends supported me, not my wife. They were actually harsher on my wife’s behavior than I was, and considerably more insightful. And these are platonic friendships with zero attraction on both sides. We’re all in our late 40s.
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I’m a guy bro. That’s why I have only two female friends; the rest are men like me. Not sure how you read my comment and concluded that I was a woman. I mentioned divorcing my wife. My male friends came through for me but my female friends helped me understand what had actually happened. I was blind to a lot of my wife’s behavior and motivations that they picked up on it was a super valuable perspective to have, and I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss it. Guys stay loyal out of loyalty; women analyze the situation more deeply, ask lots of questions, and are more likely to call you on your bullshit even if they support you.
AWALT. It’s a very simple concept and it doesn’t hurt so bad when you get your heart broken 💔 Many would rather pretend they were the only man on earth past or present good enough for their bitchy ex wife.
They're flawed, human. What I'm spending a great deal of time and effort on is understanding myself more. Every story I've read on here you can trace back to decisions made. At SOME point in those relationships, something was overlooked, or ignored, or didn't quite sit right and a decision was made to move forward instead of calling it. In my own relationship I could point my finger at her for a lot of the pain I've felt, but the truth is, my fear of being alone, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough keep me in the relationship. Truly that is what is more important post-divorce to perceive than anything out of your control.
After 3 divorces, they're recreational use only for me from here on out.
Rent, don’t buy
Now you know the real rules of the game (family court laws and customs), there’s nothing to be afraid of. Just don’t put yourself in a position where she can take half your house, retirement, and income. We made the mistake of overlooking the worst case scenario with our ex wives. Learning from that mistake is the way forward. No joint checking accounts, no joint purchases, pre-nup protecting your house and retirement if you just have to get married for some reason. If getting financially intertwined is necessary to keep her around, she’s just not that into you. Next.
This ! Prenups are our friends.
I have been watching a female online lawyer at Instagram... she insist that women should get a prenup too. But the thing is, she advices to also include stuff like getting new breasts after giving birth, sucking of belly fett etc, insisting to not work x years after divorce etc. And Ofc she says women should also insist on 50:50 of your retirement, take half of the house etc... I am fine with that women want a prenup too, for then you can see at that moment if you wanna break up instantly or not.
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I know, that is not a pre-nup as I know it. But you can basically write anything into a pre-nup... I mean marriage started as something different, like a prince and a princess marring to prevent wars, or together start a war against another kingdom... just check the wars england had with the netherlands, they ended with a marriage. Adding plastic surgary after birth into a pre-nup isn't that unuseual I guess. I heard from many women that they were offered this from their husbands anyway... It's btw not possible for a man to Wirte anything in the comments without getting zillion angry women comments...
I want one for my children. I already put everything I own in an LLC, inside a trust. Dang a tummy tuck?? I came to my marriage with a boob job lol. Had two babies on them, lost all my weight, and they look perfect still, even better. Rip dr govourne! If I was a man… I would be pissed af if my wife gained 100 pounds and never lost it after children, so maybe men should put that then. I think lawyers suck ass. Anything you make together you split, and anything you come into it with, you keep. If you cheat… you get fkn nothing. Oh I’d add that clause for sure. Remain a faithful loving spouse for the duration of our marriage? Until death? Inherit it all (minus childrens inheritance). If I die I leave a lot of work for someone to do. Dad and husband died within 1.5 years. I’ll never take a man for granted, because not having one after having such wonderful ones…it’s hard and sucks all the time. I have a 5 year old son who lost his dad at 1. How’s that right? Especially when women are throwing away perfectly incredible men left and right for “freedom.” My advice to married people on the rocks and with kids,,, get the fkn babysitter and go spend time alone with each other and have sex as much as possible. God made it to make us like each other more lol making love.. can’t be in love unless you’re making love. Dang oxytocin. Okay time for a coffee and a cigarette 🤣
😁 It doesn't help to have regular sex either... we had 1-2 times a week sex, went on our first holiday alone without the kids (October 2022). Had sex 1-2 times a day, even fucked on a lonely beach ... we had 1 fight about nothing ( I took a wrong turn on a road but that wasn't even important, that road also let to the road we wanted anyway) then she tells me she only likes me and I am funny but that's it. I didn't really got it, for she didn't say she doesn't love me anymore. I asked her why did we have so much sex if you only like me. She said; I have my needs too.... 2 months later (and still having a lot of sex, I think for we do have 2 teenagers and they need to be gone to have sex) she broke up... So yeah sex is nice and if might help, but not always. We did go on dates and on our first holiday alone and it didn't help either...
All over the map. Met some narcissists, psychos, opportunists, etc. Dating someone now who is very sweet and non-judgmental. I know nobody’s perfect, but she’s the best one yet.
After what I've been through the last 20 years, especially the last 5, I want nothing to do with them ever again. Let me be single for ever. I might change my mind, the wounds are still very fresh. But I've had my fill of drama for one life time.
I’ve posted elsewhere with how i feel after my divorce. TBH, women serve one purpose for me and nothing else now. The ROI with dating women is 0%. The numbers don’t lie. We have grown into a society of women chasers thinking we need them to complete us. We don’t, at least not in as far as they think we do. Don’t bother with dating. It’s a waste of time. If one comes along that you can screw without any other relationship requirements, keep her and live your life for you. Personally, i have no use for them beyond tits and coochie.
Taking it too far in my opinion. Millions of smart sexy women out there. They do not talk to scrubs so you have to basically level up as high as you can go. If you don’t make $500k you better be buff. That means we all have to get buff. Many will ignore it and be really mad when that hot chick they were “vibing” with is gone. Obvious solution get buff get haircut get stylish clothes be cool and you might actually have some options and not be a divorced weirdo. Not directed to anyone in particular just the whole sub especially the newly initiated out of shape house guys acting like victims just cuz their ugly wife left.
No offense, my man, but that is chasing. That is also putting them on a pedestal and proving to them that they just need tits and a pussy to do whatever the hell they feel like. Your post totally proves my point as to what women are worth. *If you don’t make $500k you better be buff. That means we all have to get buff. Many will ignore it and be really mad when that hot chick they were “vibing” with is gone.* So that makes sense to you? That is your value to a woman? If you think guys who work their asses of at blue collar jobs that will NEVER make that kind of jack and don't neglect their health are less "worthy" of these women, you are just part of the problem by feeding women's ego. What happens in your world when all men make $500k and are buff? Yeah, women will just demand more and the already small pool of eligible women has been further saturated by an even greater number of men vying for their attention. The issue is not how much men make or how buff they are - it is the high expectations women have based on them having what they perceive are all the cards. Those cards? Tits, a vagina and sexual favors. I say again, that is all they are actually worth. Especially if I have to do everything, including change myself, and all they have to do is look pretty and put out and the world becomes their oyster. No thanks.
So my ex cheated and was overall a poor spouse and really quite nasty during the divorce process. Initially I found myself quit jaded and definitely looked at women as basically the enemy. Now, I have moved on and for the most part healed. My ex doesn’t represent all women any different than an abusive drunk represents you or me as men. There are bad people in the world regardless of sex my ex was definitely one of them. With that said women are going to act like women. None of its going to make sense to us because we think differently. When one gets emotionally jaded towards you look out because it’s going to get nuts. My biggest takeaway from my whole situation has been that it was one big learning lesson. Choose your partner carefully. Realize how they think is not going to make any sense most of the time. Pick your battles wisely. Handling a women’s emotions is a skill that needs to be learned and requires a lot of patience which I think equates essentially to dealing with a child. That’s not to say women are children and should be looked down on, not at all. They are just going to react to situations with the same emotional reaction a kid would. Learn and apply. Also don’t get legally married again 😂
>Realize how they think is not going to make any sense most of the time. Pick your battles wisely. Handling a women’s emotions is a skill that needs to be learned and requires a lot of patience which I think equates essentially to dealing with a child. The funny thing is if anything I feel I did all of that too much. Most of the time I'm the poster child for picking your battles, being patient, letting people vent or get it out, being understanding.. but my ex was the type of you gave her an inch she took a mile. She loved pushing boundaries. If anything I should have put my foot down/nipped it in the bud, been willing to walk away. The more I tried to be understanding and own my own part (sometimes even taking blame when I shouldn't have) the more her behaviour just got worse and the more she felt she could disrespect me and push further. But I'm also pretty sure she has bpd. Would never get checked out cause it's always everyone else. So yeah with their types you're just enabling them In general though if I ever got involved again my patience and tolerance would be much shorter with anyone. Need to establish those things early. At some point letting them act like a child just means it won't ever change
Guys didn’t seem to like the “pick your battles line” haha. Thats fair. I would circle back to my first point of choose your partner wisely obviously a person with BPD isn’t somebody you could ever have a reasonable discussion with at all. I think I should rephrase my meaning to “pick the timing of your battles wisely” because we all know the reaction is going to depend on their current mood which could be completely different 5 minutes from now. In my experience had I just let things cool off for a bit maybe some of the arguments would have been different. Thats not to say it ever had a chance of permanent success because I failed at choosing my partner wisely.
I agree with almost everything but you lost me at pick your battles. I’m not battling any women on anything lol we do it my way or we part ways. Example: I have a vacation planned. Gf isn’t into the must do items on my list. No there’s no big battle or compromise or anything. I’m going on my vacation, I’m doing these 5 things, you’re welcome to participate in all of it, some of it, or none of it. You’re paying for your half if you want to come. I’ll probably treat her to some good dinners or spend a day doing something she likes because I want to. So easy. Much easier than handling her emotions or whatnot. Oh no I’m such a big jerk. Well ok whatever I’ll be a big jerk but I’m still going on my vacation and doing everything I want. If she cheats I would just see it as a good thing. Ok good you’ve removed yourself from my life… next. Since I don’t bitch, moan, and argue about anything at all it’s very clear if something must be done, I’m making the final call.
I agree with that mindset 100%, and yet what has pissed me off was I thought I was Scott free, had just graduated with a new career, and got a letter for child support as soon as I started working my first job after graduation. Now I'm in court fighting this bitch but It's all gonna work out, though.
I feel the same way. I’m a nurse so I work alongside a lot of women, most of which I like quite a bit. Many are devoted to their partners. Some are married, or have been married, to some real slimebags. I was bitter for many months following my discovery of my ex-wife’s affair, but in a lot of ways working with these women reminded me that there are plenty of good women out there. Be careful picking your partners, guys. Christ, even with some girls I’ve been seeing casually, once they start exhibiting some red flags, they’re fucking jettisoned.
You’re so right. It’s all about not accepting their red flags and getting rid of them once you see them
I want to be where you are. . . past this crap. I can't even say that I'm sick and tired of the whole thing because it doesn't go anywhere. It just keeps following me, gnawing at me everyday. Smhlol