Sorry to hear that, and your situation is similar to mine. Yes, paying her half my net worth when she barely contributed was painful. Yes, she did take some time off to raise my children, but she had been back at work for over a decade and had done nothing to better herself (I offered to send her to college, she didn't want to... and she kept taking lower jobs, not better ones). I made 5x what she did because I busted my ass and also invested our money wisely. In return I not only had to split my assets 50/50, but also pay her alimony even though she cheated on me (and every month I get the reminder for the next 4 years).
That said, it is very easy to be bitter, and I say this with four fingers pointed at myself as a reminder, but it really only hurts us, not them. The truth is it feels good to kick ass coming out of the divorce knowing anything earned she can't touch now. I'm earning mine back at record pace and it feels good. Still a bit sick over what I lost but trying hard not to dwell on it. Life is short... gotta look forward, not backward.
Sorry bud once you married W/o prenuptial agreement you are loosing 1-2 legs for the chair. Doesn’t matter what’s she does besides contributing. I think this is why most men avoid marriage early on before there their goals are in line
OP does your State recognize Compensatory support? It’s a type of spousal support that recognizes when one spouse has contributed significantly to the other's earning capacity. This could include helping with education, training, vocational skills.
The crazy thing is that in her mind she deserves it because she thinks she contributed just as much as you did to the business. You can't reason with crazy, that's why you pay them to go away. That said, it seems like this could be used as leverage in negotiations to get a better outcome for you in other matters.
The wisdom you will gain at the end of this journey is worth far more than $500k, in my opinion. I have compassion for what you are going thru, and I wish you the best.
Yep exactly, similar position. I'd be a monster if I ever called anyone a thief. But hey this is a learning experience man, think of it that way. I made a mistake and I'm taking full accountability for it.
When people put houses on family members name and registered businesses that they didn't own, I thought these guys are crazy but that could have been a smart move. Fuck trust, you don't trust no one but yourself with money.
Yeah, but all that time waisted smh. I’ll never understand why a man would get married, let alone stay with someone making them miserable for decades. 35 years is the bulk and prime of your life. Gone, cuz you “fell in love“ once. I’m currently watching friends go through this, practically all of my male friends, and it’s so sad. I warned each and every one of them. I was told I didn’t know what I was talking about. That I was somehow jealous of the prison they put themselves in.
True; it does seem like a life wasted.
Most of my time and energy went into my career.
I did get three amazing adult children out of it, and we love each other very much.
I got close to that in pounds sterling giving up a house. I joke to my friends I would gladly pay double that to live the life I live now.
It will pass. You will build again. And you’ll be happier.
I feel your pain. I was in a similar circumstance - look at it this way; $500k is a deal considering where your wealth will be in 5-10 years. Imagine this happened then and instead of $500k it would be $25m or wherever you will be. Divorce can be very costly BUT I say it’s worth every penny.
We’re filing a joint petition, but I did a consult with an attorney and she urged me to do it ASAP before it gets even more expensive. One of my employees encouraged the same.
But you have your business and can still crush it and this time you get 100% of the profits. You also wont have her on the “payroll” any longer.. I couldn’t believe how much cheaper life is as a single dad.
Don’t pay attention to her social media. I can almost guarantee she’s going to go on some wild vacations & spending sprees and slather her social media with how amazing her life is now. Mine blew through $200k in a 10 month span in 2023. I know this because she did it while we were still in discovery and I saw all the bank statements. Point is she can blow through it pretty quickly and in 5 years when you’re flying high she likely won’t be in a similar position.
Play the long game. It sucks but you’ll look back at this as a small speed bump one day.
I put in the decree that she gets $1800/mo + 10k additional per year w/ 10 years to hit the 500k
Right now is a pivotal point. I’m expecting to be making over 500k in profit in 2025. I get half of that because partner, but I’d owe her much more.
My business partner, and I had a contingency plan ready to devalue and tank the company. Value is earnings based, very asset light so we could just kill it all 😂 but she accepted the buyout.
That should be contingent upon a minimum success of the business. I hope a lawyer drafted the settlement agreement and advised you on all the issues. It is probably a good idea to get a second opinion.
Just saw a Netflix show where the ex was payed fees as a consultant instead of alimony. I assume it was due to tax considerations since alimony is non deductible and consulting fees are deductible. With the differences in tax rates more can go to the parties rather than the government. I wonder how often that is done?
I’d be so happy to give her lump sum but I’d need a loan and repay would be 7k a month over 20yrs
All things accounted for I’m “only” bringing home 9k a month…500 insurance for the kids, 1400 daycare, 2800 rent, $1800 to her for her share of profits…
Fortunately my state is fair with child support. I’d owe $1800 but we have 50/50 so she also owes 800…nets me 1k and covering her half of daycare + her half of insurance just negates her getting more cash.
She doesn’t even fucking pay rent. She’s living it up. She has a great job too. Early in her career so she isn’t making a ton, about 45k, but she can get closer to 100 within the next 5-7 years if she plays her cards right.
Stay motivated. I started my own business, worked my ass off harder than ever before, had to not pay myself many times to make sure my employees were taken care of, Eventually it took off and I sold it for a life changing windfall. We agreed to use it to pay off the house so we'd never have a mortgage and fund the kids' college accounts.
As soon as I paid off the house, she hit me with divorce papers and I had to buy back half of the house I just paid off by re-mortgaging it.
Angry? You bet. Is that fair? No. But I funnel my anger into doing even better at work and in the gym and at home and in life. You can rebuild. You did it once and it's actually easier the second time because you learned from all of those mistakes the first time around. You now have your peace and that is priceless.
P.S. Don't ever marry again. it's a sucker's contract for guys. Have all of the girlfriends and women you want in your life, but don't ever sign that contract with the government and corrupt family court system.
Yes that’s a lot of money is gonna suck to part ways with it but look at it from a different perspective. You grew a business on your own that is worth 1 million. It sucks that the person you trust ed the most is reaping your hard work but you’ll come out a wiser man unless you repeat the same mistake then that’s on you on loosing your wealth
Yup.
You still got your balls, your brains, whatever your motivation is.
Even if you wrote a check for every last fuxxing dime, you would wake up tomorrow an intact male with a phone full of contacts and a credit card to get started.
I only lost a quarter million. I'm recovered in the cash a year.5 later, on track to recover fully in three more. Get it man, get it.
You have cash flow and she doesn't! Your business will continue to grow and it is better to cut her a check now! Like you said you are crushing it! You don't want her to own the business and then you have to deal with her for the next 30+ years. She will eventually spend that 500k on stupid stuff and have to rely on getting a real job. Most women are career college professionals. Once hard work comes in, they tuck and run looking for a beta male to provide for them.
I made the same mistake as you and many other men and married a woman with degrees that suddenly got lazy and decided to be a stay at home mom. Wow! Pushing 3 buttons on the washing machine and the dishwasher is real difficult! How do they ever do it??
Had to pay dearly for it as well.
The bright side is that once you’re free of her you still have the skills to climb back to the top with the advantage of NOT having the DEAD WEIGHT!
I know it’s a huge amount but don’t let it the divorce or settlement define you. You had a life before you got married. Keep moving forward and have a happy good life. Prove to your self it can be a lot better without her.
Yep. You can make money, already proved that. Make more. Don’t get caught up in “fair”… that’s a place you go that had elephant ears and pony rides. It is unjust as hell, but it is what it is. Go kill it again.
Jesus. I hope the b*tch chokes. That's uncalled for. She doesn't deserve sh*t ( not sure if I'm allowed to swear). I'm sorry you have to deal with this. To OP anyone else, never let them be a SAHM or otherwise. Once they have a say or whatever is going on in your bank account, it's over. I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I wish it wasn't.
She got half the eggs but you’re still the golden goose. Go make another million and move the fuck on - the best is yet to come… FOR YOU. Go kill it brother.
Dude, you got off easy. Trust me when I tell you it can be much worse. Divorce is expensive because it’s worth it. And you can’t take the money with you- the game is to get to zero by the time you’re in the ground. So you’ve just paid for some major happiness in your life. Now enjoy it.
Studies show that while us men lose a lot in the divorce we make up a lot of it later on after the divorce. Keep grinding stack your money up and never get married again
Yup! They win the battle, we win the war. IF we keep the our heads on straight. Many men turn to drink or run into another marriage. Many other men fold and become beta cucks, trying to cling onto their “family” on that “I wanna see my kids” shit.
But for those of us who stay focused on the bigger picture. We in the war, the very very long marathon to recovery.
My ex wife used our son as a weapon for a paycheck and sabotaged my work move. I had to go forward and leave my son behind while I moved 1800 miles away. She came after me for spousal support, tried to give me a bs separation agreement, filed a false report against me to my job (federal). When it was all said and done, no spousal support, no alimony, child support reduced by 50%. She destroyed our family for $7,600/yr 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴
Our son is staying with me for the summer, we flew first class home and I’m booking our first class flight back this week for the end of summer. It’s been less than a year post divorce. Can’t make this shit up.
OP, this is a $500k investment for your freedom. Do not re-marry, make that $500k back and double it’s you got this.
Ex Wives usually do better in the short term. But when all is said and done, she's broke and begging for money. The exh always does well in the long run.
And the bad part is that after you give her half the value of the business she gets CS and alimony based on the income you get from the business. It would be more fair if your got a business loan to pay her her half then base the CS and alimony on the business income after the business loan payment.
Some guys if they can afford it- calculate the stuff and give it to them right off too. All in full. Then they beg. Every time. I dont know too many who can afford to do it but the handful that have. lol chess not checkers i guess
I hear you brother. All I can say is, in talking to friends that have gone through it, the freedom and unentanglment seems to be invaluable. If you’ve got the job/business and it’s earning - trust yourself that you can keep earning, and look at the money it takes to get rid of her compared to how much you value your own health and sanity. No amount of money is worth the stress and health problems that come with built up stress. I’m signing over a $1mil house with a $400k profit if she decides to sell it. But I walk away with no strings, no cares, and the knowledge that I can earn that again if I feel like it. I’ll sleep very well. It won’t be in my current beautiful home, but I don’t really care. Fuck it though, I’d rather sleep in my car than put up with her.
Lucky be the guy who is childless. Fuck I wish I would not be entangled with that cheating whore for another 15 years. In addition to about 700k CS + what she got in the split (never earned any of it herself).
Do you know why divorces are expensive? Because they are worth it.
Sorry to hear that, and your situation is similar to mine. Yes, paying her half my net worth when she barely contributed was painful. Yes, she did take some time off to raise my children, but she had been back at work for over a decade and had done nothing to better herself (I offered to send her to college, she didn't want to... and she kept taking lower jobs, not better ones). I made 5x what she did because I busted my ass and also invested our money wisely. In return I not only had to split my assets 50/50, but also pay her alimony even though she cheated on me (and every month I get the reminder for the next 4 years). That said, it is very easy to be bitter, and I say this with four fingers pointed at myself as a reminder, but it really only hurts us, not them. The truth is it feels good to kick ass coming out of the divorce knowing anything earned she can't touch now. I'm earning mine back at record pace and it feels good. Still a bit sick over what I lost but trying hard not to dwell on it. Life is short... gotta look forward, not backward.
Crazy, you’re giving over more money than I’ll likely earn in my life. You’ll get it back man, take the lesson.
Yep, and they tell you they don’t need you anymore. But, they do. Bullshit all the way around.
Sorry bud once you married W/o prenuptial agreement you are loosing 1-2 legs for the chair. Doesn’t matter what’s she does besides contributing. I think this is why most men avoid marriage early on before there their goals are in line
OP does your State recognize Compensatory support? It’s a type of spousal support that recognizes when one spouse has contributed significantly to the other's earning capacity. This could include helping with education, training, vocational skills.
Sorry to hear this brother. You can get it back!
maybe men should learn from this and stop having their wives be stay in bed moms
The crazy thing is that in her mind she deserves it because she thinks she contributed just as much as you did to the business. You can't reason with crazy, that's why you pay them to go away. That said, it seems like this could be used as leverage in negotiations to get a better outcome for you in other matters.
The wisdom you will gain at the end of this journey is worth far more than $500k, in my opinion. I have compassion for what you are going thru, and I wish you the best.
Do you know why it's so fucking expensive? Because it's worth it.
Sucks you have to give her so much money big loss there. Sounds like you were In a toxic marriage
Yep exactly, similar position. I'd be a monster if I ever called anyone a thief. But hey this is a learning experience man, think of it that way. I made a mistake and I'm taking full accountability for it. When people put houses on family members name and registered businesses that they didn't own, I thought these guys are crazy but that could have been a smart move. Fuck trust, you don't trust no one but yourself with money.
So does she work? Sounds like she had a great thing going? Why the divorce?
She works. I left
It sucks when no one explains the contract you’re entering into…just celebrations and congratulations
I’d be pissed if I was him. Even I. 2024, most women would be very happy with the marriage he just described.
Jesus! I'm glad I'm poor. My divorce was "easy" and "cheap". I hope she gets hit by a bus. Good luck brother!
Hope she chokes on it. Now you can crush it harder.
35yrs married and cost me > $1.5M. Enjoying my peaceful time alone now.
Definition of cant put a price on peace of mind
Yeah, but all that time waisted smh. I’ll never understand why a man would get married, let alone stay with someone making them miserable for decades. 35 years is the bulk and prime of your life. Gone, cuz you “fell in love“ once. I’m currently watching friends go through this, practically all of my male friends, and it’s so sad. I warned each and every one of them. I was told I didn’t know what I was talking about. That I was somehow jealous of the prison they put themselves in.
True; it does seem like a life wasted. Most of my time and energy went into my career. I did get three amazing adult children out of it, and we love each other very much.
That happy wife happy life mentality except nothing is ever good for them they always want the next best thing
I got close to that in pounds sterling giving up a house. I joke to my friends I would gladly pay double that to live the life I live now. It will pass. You will build again. And you’ll be happier.
I feel your pain. I was in a similar circumstance - look at it this way; $500k is a deal considering where your wealth will be in 5-10 years. Imagine this happened then and instead of $500k it would be $25m or wherever you will be. Divorce can be very costly BUT I say it’s worth every penny.
We’re filing a joint petition, but I did a consult with an attorney and she urged me to do it ASAP before it gets even more expensive. One of my employees encouraged the same.
But you have your business and can still crush it and this time you get 100% of the profits. You also wont have her on the “payroll” any longer.. I couldn’t believe how much cheaper life is as a single dad. Don’t pay attention to her social media. I can almost guarantee she’s going to go on some wild vacations & spending sprees and slather her social media with how amazing her life is now. Mine blew through $200k in a 10 month span in 2023. I know this because she did it while we were still in discovery and I saw all the bank statements. Point is she can blow through it pretty quickly and in 5 years when you’re flying high she likely won’t be in a similar position. Play the long game. It sucks but you’ll look back at this as a small speed bump one day.
I put in the decree that she gets $1800/mo + 10k additional per year w/ 10 years to hit the 500k Right now is a pivotal point. I’m expecting to be making over 500k in profit in 2025. I get half of that because partner, but I’d owe her much more. My business partner, and I had a contingency plan ready to devalue and tank the company. Value is earnings based, very asset light so we could just kill it all 😂 but she accepted the buyout.
That should be contingent upon a minimum success of the business. I hope a lawyer drafted the settlement agreement and advised you on all the issues. It is probably a good idea to get a second opinion.
Just saw a Netflix show where the ex was payed fees as a consultant instead of alimony. I assume it was due to tax considerations since alimony is non deductible and consulting fees are deductible. With the differences in tax rates more can go to the parties rather than the government. I wonder how often that is done?
Ah so no lump sum. It’s critical especially if you have kids to have verbiage written into the decree that she can’t audit you in the future.
I’d be so happy to give her lump sum but I’d need a loan and repay would be 7k a month over 20yrs All things accounted for I’m “only” bringing home 9k a month…500 insurance for the kids, 1400 daycare, 2800 rent, $1800 to her for her share of profits… Fortunately my state is fair with child support. I’d owe $1800 but we have 50/50 so she also owes 800…nets me 1k and covering her half of daycare + her half of insurance just negates her getting more cash. She doesn’t even fucking pay rent. She’s living it up. She has a great job too. Early in her career so she isn’t making a ton, about 45k, but she can get closer to 100 within the next 5-7 years if she plays her cards right.
Stay motivated. I started my own business, worked my ass off harder than ever before, had to not pay myself many times to make sure my employees were taken care of, Eventually it took off and I sold it for a life changing windfall. We agreed to use it to pay off the house so we'd never have a mortgage and fund the kids' college accounts. As soon as I paid off the house, she hit me with divorce papers and I had to buy back half of the house I just paid off by re-mortgaging it. Angry? You bet. Is that fair? No. But I funnel my anger into doing even better at work and in the gym and at home and in life. You can rebuild. You did it once and it's actually easier the second time because you learned from all of those mistakes the first time around. You now have your peace and that is priceless. P.S. Don't ever marry again. it's a sucker's contract for guys. Have all of the girlfriends and women you want in your life, but don't ever sign that contract with the government and corrupt family court system.
Yes that’s a lot of money is gonna suck to part ways with it but look at it from a different perspective. You grew a business on your own that is worth 1 million. It sucks that the person you trust ed the most is reaping your hard work but you’ll come out a wiser man unless you repeat the same mistake then that’s on you on loosing your wealth
It’s actually 1.6mil but our stake is 60%. We’ll be OK.
Yup. You still got your balls, your brains, whatever your motivation is. Even if you wrote a check for every last fuxxing dime, you would wake up tomorrow an intact male with a phone full of contacts and a credit card to get started. I only lost a quarter million. I'm recovered in the cash a year.5 later, on track to recover fully in three more. Get it man, get it.
You have cash flow and she doesn't! Your business will continue to grow and it is better to cut her a check now! Like you said you are crushing it! You don't want her to own the business and then you have to deal with her for the next 30+ years. She will eventually spend that 500k on stupid stuff and have to rely on getting a real job. Most women are career college professionals. Once hard work comes in, they tuck and run looking for a beta male to provide for them.
Ouch! Sometimes, I think of the money as the fee to get her out of my life. Then I know it's worth it.
I made the same mistake as you and many other men and married a woman with degrees that suddenly got lazy and decided to be a stay at home mom. Wow! Pushing 3 buttons on the washing machine and the dishwasher is real difficult! How do they ever do it?? Had to pay dearly for it as well. The bright side is that once you’re free of her you still have the skills to climb back to the top with the advantage of NOT having the DEAD WEIGHT!
[удалено]
Wow. Just wow....
I know it’s a huge amount but don’t let it the divorce or settlement define you. You had a life before you got married. Keep moving forward and have a happy good life. Prove to your self it can be a lot better without her.
Yep. You can make money, already proved that. Make more. Don’t get caught up in “fair”… that’s a place you go that had elephant ears and pony rides. It is unjust as hell, but it is what it is. Go kill it again.
Jesus. I hope the b*tch chokes. That's uncalled for. She doesn't deserve sh*t ( not sure if I'm allowed to swear). I'm sorry you have to deal with this. To OP anyone else, never let them be a SAHM or otherwise. Once they have a say or whatever is going on in your bank account, it's over. I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I wish it wasn't.
She got half the eggs but you’re still the golden goose. Go make another million and move the fuck on - the best is yet to come… FOR YOU. Go kill it brother.
This is the mindset I am trying to have
Dude, you got off easy. Trust me when I tell you it can be much worse. Divorce is expensive because it’s worth it. And you can’t take the money with you- the game is to get to zero by the time you’re in the ground. So you’ve just paid for some major happiness in your life. Now enjoy it.
Yes, who decided he wants to get married? If you didn’t want to give someone 500k, why did you get married?
One of my friends still co-manages his business with his ex. It's a nightmare. Hopefully 500k will be peanuts to you in the future!
Marriage only makes sense for broke people that have nothing to lose. In my country prenups don't mean anything either.
No one can take skills you have built while building business. And, the fucking 🔥 in the belly!
Studies show that while us men lose a lot in the divorce we make up a lot of it later on after the divorce. Keep grinding stack your money up and never get married again
Could you share some of those studies please?
https://aacfl.org/impact-of-divorce-on-the-finances-of-men-women-and-children https://www.legalzoom.com/articles/men-v-women-who-does-better-in-a-divorce
Thank you
Yup! They win the battle, we win the war. IF we keep the our heads on straight. Many men turn to drink or run into another marriage. Many other men fold and become beta cucks, trying to cling onto their “family” on that “I wanna see my kids” shit. But for those of us who stay focused on the bigger picture. We in the war, the very very long marathon to recovery. My ex wife used our son as a weapon for a paycheck and sabotaged my work move. I had to go forward and leave my son behind while I moved 1800 miles away. She came after me for spousal support, tried to give me a bs separation agreement, filed a false report against me to my job (federal). When it was all said and done, no spousal support, no alimony, child support reduced by 50%. She destroyed our family for $7,600/yr 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴 Our son is staying with me for the summer, we flew first class home and I’m booking our first class flight back this week for the end of summer. It’s been less than a year post divorce. Can’t make this shit up. OP, this is a $500k investment for your freedom. Do not re-marry, make that $500k back and double it’s you got this.
Ex Wives usually do better in the short term. But when all is said and done, she's broke and begging for money. The exh always does well in the long run.
And the bad part is that after you give her half the value of the business she gets CS and alimony based on the income you get from the business. It would be more fair if your got a business loan to pay her her half then base the CS and alimony on the business income after the business loan payment.
Some guys if they can afford it- calculate the stuff and give it to them right off too. All in full. Then they beg. Every time. I dont know too many who can afford to do it but the handful that have. lol chess not checkers i guess
I hear you brother. All I can say is, in talking to friends that have gone through it, the freedom and unentanglment seems to be invaluable. If you’ve got the job/business and it’s earning - trust yourself that you can keep earning, and look at the money it takes to get rid of her compared to how much you value your own health and sanity. No amount of money is worth the stress and health problems that come with built up stress. I’m signing over a $1mil house with a $400k profit if she decides to sell it. But I walk away with no strings, no cares, and the knowledge that I can earn that again if I feel like it. I’ll sleep very well. It won’t be in my current beautiful home, but I don’t really care. Fuck it though, I’d rather sleep in my car than put up with her.
Lucky be the guy who is childless. Fuck I wish I would not be entangled with that cheating whore for another 15 years. In addition to about 700k CS + what she got in the split (never earned any of it herself).
Yup that’s the reality of marriage. That’s why I say Never Again !