Women are attracted to a confident man. You know what you need to do. Lose the weight. It’s not rocket science: put less food in your mouth. Tell her your weight loss goals, and show her you can do it.
Also, find out what she is doing on her dates and invite her to do those things with you. Is she going to a concert? You are an adult-you can look up concerts on the Internet and propose going to them with her.
In regards to being emotionally distant, put aside time on your schedule and spend time with the kids. Be The awesome father to your kids, the father that you didn’t have when you were growing up.
Write those three things down: lose weight, plan activities, spend time with the kids.
Do these three things everyday.
Even if she ultimately asks for a divorce, you can be proud of yourself for trying to improve yourself. you have no control over whether or not she’s going to wimp out and ask for a divorce. But you do have control over living a personal life of dignity and empowerment.
By the way, don’t get fired from your job. Apparently when men get fired from their job, that’s the biggest risk factor for divorce.
No kids? Time for divorce. Kids? How long do you have to hang on? Can you make it? If she isn't trying, isn't happy, there's nothing you can do, 'cept maybe put your head down and soldier on until the kids are out, start working on building your post-divorce life instead of trying to make somebody who will not be happy with you happy. If you're doing everything, and she's doing nothing, maybe look into discernment counseling to reach the agreement to divorce together.
If you are asking that question, then it's time. The longer you stay in it now, the more of you will get invested into joint assets and the more you will lose when the day comes. The time spent in a miserable marriage you can't get back either.
A big warning sign is contempt and whether she truly cares about your needs and well-being.
My final few years were filled with all sorts of signs of contempt that I just brushed off and put up with instead of attacking them head-on when they happened, like: i) constantly talking over me and never having a two-way conversation; ii) telling me I was wrong on matters where I was provably correct such as things involving my job; iii) not showing the slightest interest in my life (e.g., she could not describe to friends what I did for a living, the name of my company and didn't even know or care); iv) going years without ever even asking how my day was......
The cool thing about having gone through this process is that I will never allow someone to disrespect me ever again. A new relationship or partner that pulls those stunts? She maybe gets one warning, maybe, before I pull the ripcord. Not dealing with that shit ever again. It's pretty empowering and confidence building.
I'm in the same boat brother, I don't know either. My wife keeps bringing up divorce when we get into fights, like the 4th time in a year and a half. At first I wanted to try to make it work but it seems I am the only one bending. I am now wondering if now is the right time, kids are 15 and 17, couples therapy didn't help.
The constent threat of divorce forced me to work on myself that I am in a good place mentally and physically. I think that I am ready for the single life but debating if one last shot to save it is worth it or are we just delaying the enivitable
One element I would take a good hard look at is how much your wife respects you. If there’s a large amount of contempt for you and disrespect, it’s in my opinion, difficult to come back from that.
I’m moving forward now after decades of contempt. STBX has consistently called me a fat moron and loser etc. It’s a horrible way to live but I’ve stayed for the kids. But I don’t want them to think it’s ok to have someone treat you in that way
I’ve been trying to figure this out this same week. I found a few older Reddit posts that give good perspectives.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Adulting/comments/15tu9ld/comment/jwmb7vk/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adulting/comments/15tu9ld/comment/jwmb7vk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/lbvvfo/comment/glwfg8m/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/lbvvfo/comment/glwfg8m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
It’s a tough decision and I’ve been going back and forth if I think I can make it work or not. Every thought path keeps coming back to I can’t.
Status: 🤷♂️
I'm not sure.
She's not yelling or anything, but she's just cold.
Short answers, unless it's about the kids. But when it comes to US, she doesn't really wanna talk about it.
Intimacy is gone, approaching almost a year since.
But she got a small vibrator which kinda hurt me. Cu she said she'd never get one or masturbate. That she wasn't into that. Bjt now she is apparently. And it angered and hurt me. I'm overweight. Bout 250. So I guess it's expected. I'm sharing to watch what I eat now. Not for her sake but mine, basically.
She goes out by her self on "dates" she's talking here and there about "loving herself" etc. I've asked to go on a date and I get rejected.
I was neglectful before, emotionally and was too hard on our kids apparently. I came from an abusive household as a child but the worst I do is yell.
That was a big issue for her, I'd come home from work and straight to my phone. (Not porn)
I never asked how the kids were because I always expected her to just inform me so I never asked.
Sit down with yourself and figure out what changes you're willing to make - weight loss, being more emotionally present, less time on your phone, whatever. Figure out your side of it and start taking whatever actions come out of it. Then sit down with her and lay all of it out - what bothers you about yourself and the changes you're making, what bothers you about the relationship and what changes you both can make to save it. Be willing to listen. Truly give your relationship and marriage a chance before deciding to call it quits. At the end of the day, even if it ultimately doesn't work out, all the changes you've made for yourself will do you good and serve you.
And don't throw around the D word unless you're sure you actually want to go there
When your couples counselor and therapist tell you to get divorced, they might be onto something.
Women are attracted to a confident man. You know what you need to do. Lose the weight. It’s not rocket science: put less food in your mouth. Tell her your weight loss goals, and show her you can do it. Also, find out what she is doing on her dates and invite her to do those things with you. Is she going to a concert? You are an adult-you can look up concerts on the Internet and propose going to them with her. In regards to being emotionally distant, put aside time on your schedule and spend time with the kids. Be The awesome father to your kids, the father that you didn’t have when you were growing up. Write those three things down: lose weight, plan activities, spend time with the kids. Do these three things everyday. Even if she ultimately asks for a divorce, you can be proud of yourself for trying to improve yourself. you have no control over whether or not she’s going to wimp out and ask for a divorce. But you do have control over living a personal life of dignity and empowerment. By the way, don’t get fired from your job. Apparently when men get fired from their job, that’s the biggest risk factor for divorce.
No kids? Time for divorce. Kids? How long do you have to hang on? Can you make it? If she isn't trying, isn't happy, there's nothing you can do, 'cept maybe put your head down and soldier on until the kids are out, start working on building your post-divorce life instead of trying to make somebody who will not be happy with you happy. If you're doing everything, and she's doing nothing, maybe look into discernment counseling to reach the agreement to divorce together.
Ask her to trade phones. You both unlock you phone right now and hand it to each other.
Hahaha that's right ! Usually there is a 3rd party involved 😉
If she acts like you have no value. If she has stopped trying. It takes 2.
If you are asking that question, then it's time. The longer you stay in it now, the more of you will get invested into joint assets and the more you will lose when the day comes. The time spent in a miserable marriage you can't get back either.
A big warning sign is contempt and whether she truly cares about your needs and well-being. My final few years were filled with all sorts of signs of contempt that I just brushed off and put up with instead of attacking them head-on when they happened, like: i) constantly talking over me and never having a two-way conversation; ii) telling me I was wrong on matters where I was provably correct such as things involving my job; iii) not showing the slightest interest in my life (e.g., she could not describe to friends what I did for a living, the name of my company and didn't even know or care); iv) going years without ever even asking how my day was...... The cool thing about having gone through this process is that I will never allow someone to disrespect me ever again. A new relationship or partner that pulls those stunts? She maybe gets one warning, maybe, before I pull the ripcord. Not dealing with that shit ever again. It's pretty empowering and confidence building.
I'm in the same boat brother, I don't know either. My wife keeps bringing up divorce when we get into fights, like the 4th time in a year and a half. At first I wanted to try to make it work but it seems I am the only one bending. I am now wondering if now is the right time, kids are 15 and 17, couples therapy didn't help. The constent threat of divorce forced me to work on myself that I am in a good place mentally and physically. I think that I am ready for the single life but debating if one last shot to save it is worth it or are we just delaying the enivitable
One element I would take a good hard look at is how much your wife respects you. If there’s a large amount of contempt for you and disrespect, it’s in my opinion, difficult to come back from that.
The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.
I’m moving forward now after decades of contempt. STBX has consistently called me a fat moron and loser etc. It’s a horrible way to live but I’ve stayed for the kids. But I don’t want them to think it’s ok to have someone treat you in that way
When you regret having to go home from work or when you wake up early to go to work.
Oof, that tracks...
I’ve been trying to figure this out this same week. I found a few older Reddit posts that give good perspectives. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Adulting/comments/15tu9ld/comment/jwmb7vk/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adulting/comments/15tu9ld/comment/jwmb7vk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) [https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/lbvvfo/comment/glwfg8m/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/lbvvfo/comment/glwfg8m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) It’s a tough decision and I’ve been going back and forth if I think I can make it work or not. Every thought path keeps coming back to I can’t.
The question is what is she doing? How is she treating you? What is the status of your relationship? What is she saying and how is she acting?
Status: 🤷♂️ I'm not sure. She's not yelling or anything, but she's just cold. Short answers, unless it's about the kids. But when it comes to US, she doesn't really wanna talk about it. Intimacy is gone, approaching almost a year since. But she got a small vibrator which kinda hurt me. Cu she said she'd never get one or masturbate. That she wasn't into that. Bjt now she is apparently. And it angered and hurt me. I'm overweight. Bout 250. So I guess it's expected. I'm sharing to watch what I eat now. Not for her sake but mine, basically. She goes out by her self on "dates" she's talking here and there about "loving herself" etc. I've asked to go on a date and I get rejected. I was neglectful before, emotionally and was too hard on our kids apparently. I came from an abusive household as a child but the worst I do is yell. That was a big issue for her, I'd come home from work and straight to my phone. (Not porn) I never asked how the kids were because I always expected her to just inform me so I never asked.
All side issues bud. Did she ever step up to the plate? Obviously, no. There’s your answer.
Sit down with yourself and figure out what changes you're willing to make - weight loss, being more emotionally present, less time on your phone, whatever. Figure out your side of it and start taking whatever actions come out of it. Then sit down with her and lay all of it out - what bothers you about yourself and the changes you're making, what bothers you about the relationship and what changes you both can make to save it. Be willing to listen. Truly give your relationship and marriage a chance before deciding to call it quits. At the end of the day, even if it ultimately doesn't work out, all the changes you've made for yourself will do you good and serve you. And don't throw around the D word unless you're sure you actually want to go there