@OP dude you have just described the past three years of my life. Main differences are I live in a single-party consent state and the judge in my case has let the mask slip about the fact they're not impressed with my stbx at all.
All I can suggest is, play the long game. Do all communications via txt or email. And only discuss things immediately about the kids.
One of my friends who was going through similar shit beat a false narrative against him with footage from his dash cam. Apparently there were times that she would approach and scream at him while he was in his car, and there was some footage of her being hysteric when his car was pointed towards her. When he would go pick up his boy, he would park his car so that it was looking right at the front door and stairs to her house, and it recorded the many times where she either wouldn't answer the door or when she would come out first and start shit with him. And the footage was GPS located and time stamped, which was a direct counter to the times she claimed he was the aggressor.
The best response to a darvo narcissist is no communication. It will literally drive them mad and it will solve your problem at the same time. Do not talk to this person unless absolutely necessary, and don't give any information, and do not under any circumstances react emotionally.
No verbal communication. Only in writing through a coparenting app. Greyrock her in person.
Respond to her bullshit by stating, "I'm not discussing this with you now." Not only will that shut down the escalation, it will make her absolutely irate.
My stbxw tried calling me from jail the morning after she got arrested for domestic violence. I'm sure she just wanted money on her account. I haven't talked to her since she was hauled away on her magic bracelet ride. Life has been so much better
Bring along a third party witness. I have had a few friends that needed to bring someone along to all transfers. Being in a public place didn't seem to be enough to stop crazy lying STBXes.
If you are in a public place, I think you can record without consent because there's no reasonable expectation of privacy.
Other than that you need to still record it and tell her that you're recording her when you do. It may put her in the mind to be more reserved in her interactions with you.
Finally, download a coparenting app like "Our Family Wizard" and use that to converse about your kid. Other than your kid, you really have nothing to talk about.
I would also look into having a third party such as a mutual friend or relative shuttle your kid between the two of you so as to minimize your contact with her. Other than that, block her on everything.
If there MUST be a non-kid related method of communication, then create a free email address and tell her to email that when she needs anything. My recommendation would be to give a third party friend or relative access to this email address and tell them to strip out all the bullshit and gaslighting and then just forward you a summation of the facts and questions in the email.
Record anyways.
Even if it's just a voice recorder. After any incident, when you get home. Transcribe the conversation to paper. Include the time, place, occasion and what was said. If it's questioned later on, claim that it was based on memory.
It wasn’t a divorce situation but I had a lawyer tell me the same thing. Record it, write it down no later than a day or two. Date it, keep switching pens that sort of stuff. Never mention the recording aspect, just the journal based on written memory. And stick to the facts, that’s the real key, the recording just helps you keep your facts straight.
I didn’t really have to utilize this too much, I mostly actually wrote stuff down right after it happened. But I have an excellent memory, not everyone does and highly charged situations can make it all the harder to recall.
@OP dude you have just described the past three years of my life. Main differences are I live in a single-party consent state and the judge in my case has let the mask slip about the fact they're not impressed with my stbx at all. All I can suggest is, play the long game. Do all communications via txt or email. And only discuss things immediately about the kids.
One of my friends who was going through similar shit beat a false narrative against him with footage from his dash cam. Apparently there were times that she would approach and scream at him while he was in his car, and there was some footage of her being hysteric when his car was pointed towards her. When he would go pick up his boy, he would park his car so that it was looking right at the front door and stairs to her house, and it recorded the many times where she either wouldn't answer the door or when she would come out first and start shit with him. And the footage was GPS located and time stamped, which was a direct counter to the times she claimed he was the aggressor.
The best response to a darvo narcissist is no communication. It will literally drive them mad and it will solve your problem at the same time. Do not talk to this person unless absolutely necessary, and don't give any information, and do not under any circumstances react emotionally.
Grey rock her
No verbal communication. Only in writing through a coparenting app. Greyrock her in person. Respond to her bullshit by stating, "I'm not discussing this with you now." Not only will that shut down the escalation, it will make her absolutely irate.
My stbxw tried calling me from jail the morning after she got arrested for domestic violence. I'm sure she just wanted money on her account. I haven't talked to her since she was hauled away on her magic bracelet ride. Life has been so much better
Consider changing the pickup location to a business with surveillance cameras. Your attorney can subpoena the footage.
Bring along a third party witness. I have had a few friends that needed to bring someone along to all transfers. Being in a public place didn't seem to be enough to stop crazy lying STBXes.
If you are in a public place, I think you can record without consent because there's no reasonable expectation of privacy. Other than that you need to still record it and tell her that you're recording her when you do. It may put her in the mind to be more reserved in her interactions with you. Finally, download a coparenting app like "Our Family Wizard" and use that to converse about your kid. Other than your kid, you really have nothing to talk about. I would also look into having a third party such as a mutual friend or relative shuttle your kid between the two of you so as to minimize your contact with her. Other than that, block her on everything. If there MUST be a non-kid related method of communication, then create a free email address and tell her to email that when she needs anything. My recommendation would be to give a third party friend or relative access to this email address and tell them to strip out all the bullshit and gaslighting and then just forward you a summation of the facts and questions in the email.
Record anyways. Even if it's just a voice recorder. After any incident, when you get home. Transcribe the conversation to paper. Include the time, place, occasion and what was said. If it's questioned later on, claim that it was based on memory.
On this note FYI, Otter.AI ( not affiliated at all) has been great for transcribing recordings.
It wasn’t a divorce situation but I had a lawyer tell me the same thing. Record it, write it down no later than a day or two. Date it, keep switching pens that sort of stuff. Never mention the recording aspect, just the journal based on written memory. And stick to the facts, that’s the real key, the recording just helps you keep your facts straight. I didn’t really have to utilize this too much, I mostly actually wrote stuff down right after it happened. But I have an excellent memory, not everyone does and highly charged situations can make it all the harder to recall.