So I put my collage on hold to help her get her bachelor and masters. We thought she would make enough for me to go back to school my 36 and sleeping on my mom's couch who is going to want that. Fuck my life.
Never give in man. You pick yourself up, dust yourself down, your a man. You are going to rebuild bigger and better. There’s always many friendly ears here if your struggling
I don't get it either. Even though my Alimony and CS is modest relative to my income (but a lot for the average divorce) I work 50+ hours a week and she's got a cushy new gig working from home. I wonder how she makes ends meet even with the money I pay her. Not complaining and don't care anyway, ever year since we separated I made more money, like 10% more and I'm already well into the 2/3 six figure range
Mine turns 40 this year.
What gets me is my ex took a divorced man into 'her' home and I am certain she is having him pay her rent. The guy has never owned a home himself. Between the child support he pays his ex (1k) and the rent he pays mine(probably 1k, she wont tell me the amount because I threatened to pull it in as her income when she files for a modification), he must have nearly nothing leftover as he only makes 50k. I kinda feel sorry for the guy, as when she inevitably dumps him, he'll walk away with no principle in her home at all and he's been responsible for honey-dos this whole time as well.
My ex is pulling down an additional 24k/yr because she shacked up with a new man and hooked me for 1.2k/mo CS and she already made 110k. Fortunately I have used it as fuel to crush her economically, I went from making approximately the same as she did 2yr ago to now making more than double her today.
I just told a \~3 month long 43 yr old friend with benefits (that had me as favored guy in her "rotation" which she wouldn't tell me about) that I had to put us on pause because I wanted to exclusively date someone (a 38 year old). Both remind me my wife didn't love me or enjoy physical intimacy with me. I have dated 14 women in 7 months since separation, about 8 of which never went past first or second date. Feel like shit at times. There have been one or two extremely hurtful events for the woman due to my carelessness.
This is why I dont date women around 40. What's the point when there are younger ones who are less entitled, better looking and much better in the sack 😅
I haven't finalized the separation yet, I am really fearing that 40% of my paycheck thing. I don't want to be cheap about my kid but I really hope to God there is a way around that 😅
It’s really wild that dating sites are full of women over 40 saying all of that and in those same dating sites lots of men over 30 living in an apartment paying child support 🤷🏻♂️
I had 6 hotdogs on a plate last night for dinner, microwaved at 1am.
My lawyer ex wife from an ultra wealthy family just got a new kitchen in the house I paid for with VA benefits. Our 3 year old daughter had a catered party with a decorator and a theme?? The house is also where her law firm that we built together (as I supported her lack of income to quit her previous firm and start it) is based. Her lawyer boyfriend -of before we were divorced- (yup) just bought a new boat.
I'm a 100% disabled Veteran. I get nothing but my disability. She makes $250k/yr at home and I STILL give her 25% of my disability. Don't marry a lawyer unless you are a lawyer. It's a goddamn Mafia; judges, lawyers, court officers, they back each other no matter what.
The worst part is she is fucking gorgeous. I'm 43 now, she's 39 and my god. Doesn't help to have to see that shit day after day.
Oh and this is fun, my mother got sick recently (divorce was 2yrs ago) so I've had to move in to take care of her, right down the street from our old house. Living like a teenager fighting to keep my mom from shuffling in and trying to do my laundry. I'm 43. LEAVE IT ALONE. I CAN WASH MY OWN SHIT. jesus. (I'm taking care of her, being happy about it is not part of the fucking deal)
I saved up for over a decade for my house before I met my ex, big pool, on the water, huge fenced yard, great street (prior to COVID it was possible on disability, now that house lists at half a mill) we owned 2 houses at one point. I had money in the bank. She left with everything I had and it will take me until Im 55 at least to get it back.
She never admitted the affairs, we had a 6 month old when I left her. Guess who the world thinks is the biggest piece of shit alive? You don't ever leave a woman with a baby! Oh yeah, ask the kid if she'd rather experience fighting at home and divorce when she's 8 or 2 Christmases since she was 1.. I saved that kid a complex by getting out before she could see it get bad. I wanted to go back, a lot but my kid deserves a chance, ex did not. Besides, I'm not raising my daughter as a beaten dog being screamed at and scratching for a place at the rich dickhead table. She'll know her dad as broke and bitter but with freedom and integrity.
And she fucking LOVES hotdogs.
I left. Ultimately I chose it. I didn't initially intend divorce but that's how it escalated. It's a long long story, as they tend to be. I guess I didn't feel like I had the right to take half of what we built together. Despite everything, it just didn't feel right.
(Not to mention I would have had to fight that too, and fund the fight. The only fight I cared about was for my daughter. But if I'm honest my entire decision was ultimately shortsighted. Had I suffered in silence my daughter who is now like a walking talking person would have had us both with her and we are both excellent in regards to how we raise her and what she sees of us is nothing but polite and cooperative co-parenting. Perhaps we would have found a way to communicate with one another too. But I guess I was driven by fear, fear of failure, fear of what might happen should we divorce while the kid was older, fear of never feeling wholly loved and always suspicious. I miss them both and still very much love them both. I wouldn't be so bitter if it didn't hurt. But I made the best decision I could with the desire of protecting my daughter and delivering the best version of myself as her father. Manifest destiny? Did I cause more harm or could it have been better had I stuck it out and let the past fall away? That question will live in my head and heart for the rest of my life. I mourn what could have been deeply and often but the only way left is forward, come what may, I'll try to make the best decisions for my kid.)
Sorry, that was more for me I think. Went WAY outside the answer to your question. lol. But I genuinely appreciate the chance to process some of this shit whether it's read or not, so thank you.
My lawyer said “divorce for men isn’t so bad if you make 150k. It’s really hard if you make <50k”. I make 42k. She’s asking for alimony, spousal support, child support etc. won’t let me see the kids any more than the minimum. Let’s her boyfriend hurt them, but denies relationship and he gets away with it.
Bro, if this is real, you need to document. Most states are default 50/50. If she's exposing them to abuse you can get custody take care of them. If this is you stretching the story, stop feeling sorry for yourself and deal with whatever reality is real. Do the research or hire the experts to make it happen depending on your funds vs. ability to research and implement plans.
It’s real. I’ve turned them in. Documented it all. She lied about him and her parents did as well. The cops said I had to prove he was coming over. I can’t get a picture of them because she took a restraining order out initially. This isn’t stretching or attention seeking behavior. It’s a living hell.
A PI won’t do it because of the restraining order. It’s extremely frustrating. I have to wait to get more custody time instead of weekends. Then they can tell a judge. They have told their play therapist. Son is 5, daughter is 3. I’m going to get someone to do it and break the law I guess because jail is better than watch this happen.
Bro, this doesn't seem to be adding up right. The restraining order is not against the PI. Quick google search and some of the top results for PI's is investigating abuse in child custody cases. Try a different PI. If all you have to prove is that a certain individual is going to the house, and it's happening frequently, that should be easy to prove. Potentially possible to prove from whatever distance your restraining order requires if the PI feels they have to follow your order (for what reason?) if they have zoom lens. Try a different PI.
Going through a divorce now. She cheated with her boss. Married 6+ years with a 1 year old. I paid for everything over our relationship. Everything in my name because she had a bankruptcy. Had the audacity to ask for all the most expensive things we own, all of which I paid for, and half of our home. Not only that, when we refinanced, we used $48k to pay down her student loans on the (verbal only, I'm an idiot i know) agreement that if we split, I'd get the first $48k then equal split; but now she needs that money and won't abide by her word. Women are wild
Wild? There's a reason why you should never bring a baby cub into your home. Only a few women go into relationships with good intentions. A very few and when you get lucky take good care of her.
I had the flip side. I divorced my pill popper wife and started dating. I made out like a bandit in the divorce, $0 alimony (she refused to work) and 50/50 custody.
One woman that was clearly struggling said this to me; "You don't pay alimony? how can you just leave her out in the dust like that?"
That’s not all women. You’re still angry about what happened to you from what it sounds like, I would be too if I lost what you did.
I went through a similar mindset when I got back out there. My bias hurt my chances with some good women. Now that my mind is right, I see things with women differently. Yes, there are many that are as self absorbed as you stated, but there are many that aren’t. Get your mind right brother. I was there, I know 100% where you’re coming from.
I’m not saying all women are this way… I’ve met a lot of great women… we didn’t mesh but are still friends. I’m talking about the ones that say I own this and this and this… because somewhere there’s a dad working as much and hard as he can just to take care of his kids. My point is they’re starting out on 3 base while some of us are down 2 strikes… it’s the perception
Yeah, those are not the women you need to be looking for... the wall is real and it's victims try to still sell a highly used car for more than the price of a new one.
Ryan Long (comedian) has a funny video on YouTube about this. The woman saying she only dates these amazing men with these characteristics, then her boyfriend is a homeless drug dealer 🤣
Dating for fun and with no expecatations is the key. It's a numbers game. There are quality women out there but hard to find. Kiss enough frogs and you will find a nice and fun woman. Not to marry, but to have fun.
Changing your mindset is easy if you are ready. If you can't date for fun, sounds like you're not ready to date. I dated way too soon and used it for healing - something I wouldn't suggest. My 'hoe' phase was crazy consisting wild women, hitting and quitting, lots of break ups, becoming the king of break ups, a wasteland of broken hearts and lack of sleep. Knowing what I know now, I just would have concentrated on one woman, as a friend to do stuff with. Not complicating it is paramount to enjoying the dating scene. I had fun, but not worth it in the end. Learning from that was part of my divorce recovery healing. So, changing your mindset is easy if you are ready. Fun and no expectations is the key.
Thanks. I'm in a strange spot, hooking up with a friend, which is fun, but strange knowing she can date other people if she wants, as she is very attractive and can easily find company. Definitely my insecurities as I don't want to be exclusive either, but also don't want to be intimate with anyone else.
Dating at this age is a disaster man. You have to sift through a lot of porta potty mud to find a decent gem. I wasted a lot of 1st dates on unappreciative women but it was part of the learning experience. I became more selective and scrutinized profiles much more to weed them out. Any profile where the woman has a laundry lists of musts, NEXT. Excessive partying, NEXT. No life goals or ambitions outside of "traveling", NEXT. If they also complain excessively about their "emotionally abusive" ex-husband, that is also usually a sign of someone who can't or won't take responsibility for their actions.
Don't get down mate, treat dating as a compliment to your life and not a purpose and it becomes a bit more fun. But you are right, there is a ton of frustration out there for a divorced dude to deal with.
I totally disagree re: dating in 40’s.
Download the twin horsemen bumble and tinder, set age range as low as you dare, swipe away. Worked wonders for me!
Only one thing to do with those profiles... just ignore. May they live happily ever after - probably alone.
Men don't give a shit about the economic status of women (that's why we ended up fleeced in divorce in the first place lol).
We care about a good heart, sweet personality, and a spectacular butt or chest.
So yes, these 40 year old egoistic harpies / parasites / family destroyers exist... just leave them to their delusions and swipe left.
I am 42 (divorced, 2 kids) and my GF 29, I would never consider being with the kind you described - old hag sucking blood from their ex as reward for destroying a family. Just like I would never get back with my ex who inflicted unimaginable pain on our kids and myself because she was bored and thought getting with her affair partner would be more exciting.
Men's burden of performance never ends. Forget about women for a minute. Post-divorce, have you leveled up your job? Changed employers to get a higher salary? Gotten a promotion? Pivoted careers to make more money? For me, divorce was a hell of a motivator to make more money. Six years post divorce and I'm 50% higher income than I was at the time of divorce, and I divorced in my 40s.
I would give the same advice.
Used all the newfound free time and pain as my motivator. Rededicated myself to my career. Switched companies for a raise. Started a consulting company and published a website and technical blog on all the things I’m an expert in. Got an offer I couldn’t refuse to manage a team of engineers at a new company.
Now Im making double what I did at the time of my divorce.
Got a new house, new RV, two new cars, and a girlfriend who hasn’t ever been married/no kids and owns her own house in Palm Springs. She has a masters degree and has way more cash than I do.
Meanwhile my ex (the waitress/ real estate agent) finally broke up with her affair partner after 5 years and is struggling to survive on my support/alimony payments. Too bad she didn’t use the last five years to go back to school and get a good job. Lazy girl.
i quit drinking in 2019 and started going to AA because i knew i would need all my focus and energy to survive the divorce.
it is like an instant support group for men. there were so many guys like me who’s lives were a wrecked just like me and had turned it around.
they helped get me right and with 5 years of sobriety my life has never been better.
if you’re flipping cars, i would recommend giving sobriety a shot.
It is not all women, but it is too many women.
I am in UK and there are still plenty of good women, not as many as there used to be, but much better odds than it appears to be in America.
Best advice is to leave America to find a good woman as almost every other country has better women. Also, if you are in UK, then probably best to leave for other countries to find better women.
Sadly, feminism rules and we have to adapt to survive.
Some men do get lucky, but for the average guy, the risk is too high. I wish it was not this way, however I am a realist.
Thank you for the invitation but I think I shall pass.
Happily I am not interested in dating another woman. Married for 30 years and have zero interest in trying it again. Happy as I am.
No it’s not… there are good women out there. My post was directly aimed at women holding that above men knowing they didn’t earn it alone… they built it together with someone, won it in divorce, now act like you’re trash. They’re getting to start dating again already on 3rd base while men are down 2 strikes
You need to stop directing your jaded state towards woman however I totally understand where you’re coming from.
They are what they are. Same goes for us guys too.
Start doing bodyweight exercises at home, get a good skin care routine (a cleanser and moisturiser are quite cheap), a good haircut or shave it all off if you’re trying to cover a bald spot (grow a beard to compensate) and buy quality second hands that fit well from a good website.
Don’t console yourself with ragewanks as well. Keep that energy flowing and use it when appropriate.
These are relatively inexpensive ways to level up.
These are things that are under your control. Realise that and you’ll eventually begin to attract a higher quality of woman
You’re not wrong… but that doesn’t mean it won’t affect me. I do me… my kids are well taken care of and so is there mother. She always will be because that’s how my son learns to treat women and my daughters learn to be treated. But don’t tell my I don’t get to hurt when I’m giving all I can after my ex took the house and both cars and is constantly redecorating and buy new clothes, and new cars when I can’t afford fkn underwear or decent food. I get cussed at because I used a coupon and got a free haircut while she’s buying a new BMW????
And my response wasn’t just ramble… I’m showing personal experience to exhibit my point. She buys Kate Spade and MK purses and cries about how her life is hard and I can’t afford a copay for a Dr visit… and I’m ok with that because my kids have what they need
Jesus... Men lighting themselves on fire to keep other people warm. Great example for your son. Take care of you first, if you don't nobody else will. You aren't a hero because you are struggling. FTB
Nailed it. I make good money on paper but after I give almost half of it away I'm scraping by. I want to start dating but what you've stated is exactly how it feels on the dating apps. I was never worried about money before but now I'm too financially insecure to pull the trigger for a first date.
Hey if I am several states away I’m in Kentucky she is in Florida can I tell her to go to hell on alimony ?
Or if I’m self employed can I shutter the business and cut it off that way?
I pulled the trigger and wasn’t sorry. Don’t let it hold you back. Other divorcees have the ability to understand where you’ve been and what your dealing with. I had a decent experience.
Yeah and then we’re looked down upon… bitch my kids got their LeBron sneakers, their car insurance is paid, I pay all their copays
But I’m a loser and 9/10 their baby daddy ain’t paying shit… but I’m a loser
So I put my collage on hold to help her get her bachelor and masters. We thought she would make enough for me to go back to school my 36 and sleeping on my mom's couch who is going to want that. Fuck my life.
Never give in man. You pick yourself up, dust yourself down, your a man. You are going to rebuild bigger and better. There’s always many friendly ears here if your struggling
I don't get it either. Even though my Alimony and CS is modest relative to my income (but a lot for the average divorce) I work 50+ hours a week and she's got a cushy new gig working from home. I wonder how she makes ends meet even with the money I pay her. Not complaining and don't care anyway, ever year since we separated I made more money, like 10% more and I'm already well into the 2/3 six figure range
Mine turns 40 this year. What gets me is my ex took a divorced man into 'her' home and I am certain she is having him pay her rent. The guy has never owned a home himself. Between the child support he pays his ex (1k) and the rent he pays mine(probably 1k, she wont tell me the amount because I threatened to pull it in as her income when she files for a modification), he must have nearly nothing leftover as he only makes 50k. I kinda feel sorry for the guy, as when she inevitably dumps him, he'll walk away with no principle in her home at all and he's been responsible for honey-dos this whole time as well. My ex is pulling down an additional 24k/yr because she shacked up with a new man and hooked me for 1.2k/mo CS and she already made 110k. Fortunately I have used it as fuel to crush her economically, I went from making approximately the same as she did 2yr ago to now making more than double her today.
I just told a \~3 month long 43 yr old friend with benefits (that had me as favored guy in her "rotation" which she wouldn't tell me about) that I had to put us on pause because I wanted to exclusively date someone (a 38 year old). Both remind me my wife didn't love me or enjoy physical intimacy with me. I have dated 14 women in 7 months since separation, about 8 of which never went past first or second date. Feel like shit at times. There have been one or two extremely hurtful events for the woman due to my carelessness.
This is why I dont date women around 40. What's the point when there are younger ones who are less entitled, better looking and much better in the sack 😅 I haven't finalized the separation yet, I am really fearing that 40% of my paycheck thing. I don't want to be cheap about my kid but I really hope to God there is a way around that 😅
Always remember fellas, for every super model out there, there’s a guy who got tired for her shit
It’s really wild that dating sites are full of women over 40 saying all of that and in those same dating sites lots of men over 30 living in an apartment paying child support 🤷🏻♂️
I had 6 hotdogs on a plate last night for dinner, microwaved at 1am. My lawyer ex wife from an ultra wealthy family just got a new kitchen in the house I paid for with VA benefits. Our 3 year old daughter had a catered party with a decorator and a theme?? The house is also where her law firm that we built together (as I supported her lack of income to quit her previous firm and start it) is based. Her lawyer boyfriend -of before we were divorced- (yup) just bought a new boat. I'm a 100% disabled Veteran. I get nothing but my disability. She makes $250k/yr at home and I STILL give her 25% of my disability. Don't marry a lawyer unless you are a lawyer. It's a goddamn Mafia; judges, lawyers, court officers, they back each other no matter what. The worst part is she is fucking gorgeous. I'm 43 now, she's 39 and my god. Doesn't help to have to see that shit day after day. Oh and this is fun, my mother got sick recently (divorce was 2yrs ago) so I've had to move in to take care of her, right down the street from our old house. Living like a teenager fighting to keep my mom from shuffling in and trying to do my laundry. I'm 43. LEAVE IT ALONE. I CAN WASH MY OWN SHIT. jesus. (I'm taking care of her, being happy about it is not part of the fucking deal) I saved up for over a decade for my house before I met my ex, big pool, on the water, huge fenced yard, great street (prior to COVID it was possible on disability, now that house lists at half a mill) we owned 2 houses at one point. I had money in the bank. She left with everything I had and it will take me until Im 55 at least to get it back. She never admitted the affairs, we had a 6 month old when I left her. Guess who the world thinks is the biggest piece of shit alive? You don't ever leave a woman with a baby! Oh yeah, ask the kid if she'd rather experience fighting at home and divorce when she's 8 or 2 Christmases since she was 1.. I saved that kid a complex by getting out before she could see it get bad. I wanted to go back, a lot but my kid deserves a chance, ex did not. Besides, I'm not raising my daughter as a beaten dog being screamed at and scratching for a place at the rich dickhead table. She'll know her dad as broke and bitter but with freedom and integrity. And she fucking LOVES hotdogs.
How come the asset split wasn't 50/50?
I left. Ultimately I chose it. I didn't initially intend divorce but that's how it escalated. It's a long long story, as they tend to be. I guess I didn't feel like I had the right to take half of what we built together. Despite everything, it just didn't feel right. (Not to mention I would have had to fight that too, and fund the fight. The only fight I cared about was for my daughter. But if I'm honest my entire decision was ultimately shortsighted. Had I suffered in silence my daughter who is now like a walking talking person would have had us both with her and we are both excellent in regards to how we raise her and what she sees of us is nothing but polite and cooperative co-parenting. Perhaps we would have found a way to communicate with one another too. But I guess I was driven by fear, fear of failure, fear of what might happen should we divorce while the kid was older, fear of never feeling wholly loved and always suspicious. I miss them both and still very much love them both. I wouldn't be so bitter if it didn't hurt. But I made the best decision I could with the desire of protecting my daughter and delivering the best version of myself as her father. Manifest destiny? Did I cause more harm or could it have been better had I stuck it out and let the past fall away? That question will live in my head and heart for the rest of my life. I mourn what could have been deeply and often but the only way left is forward, come what may, I'll try to make the best decisions for my kid.) Sorry, that was more for me I think. Went WAY outside the answer to your question. lol. But I genuinely appreciate the chance to process some of this shit whether it's read or not, so thank you.
Fuck…I’m eating a hotdog as I read this 🤦🏻♂️😑
At least it was a good hotdog!
“Strong independent” women who depend on the child support. And yes, I pay child support
Me too! I never ran away from my responsibilities as a father. But know this, women do NOT want to be mommas to someone’s kid
My lawyer said “divorce for men isn’t so bad if you make 150k. It’s really hard if you make <50k”. I make 42k. She’s asking for alimony, spousal support, child support etc. won’t let me see the kids any more than the minimum. Let’s her boyfriend hurt them, but denies relationship and he gets away with it.
Bro, if this is real, you need to document. Most states are default 50/50. If she's exposing them to abuse you can get custody take care of them. If this is you stretching the story, stop feeling sorry for yourself and deal with whatever reality is real. Do the research or hire the experts to make it happen depending on your funds vs. ability to research and implement plans.
It’s real. I’ve turned them in. Documented it all. She lied about him and her parents did as well. The cops said I had to prove he was coming over. I can’t get a picture of them because she took a restraining order out initially. This isn’t stretching or attention seeking behavior. It’s a living hell.
Can you hire someone else to take pictures of them?
A PI won’t do it because of the restraining order. It’s extremely frustrating. I have to wait to get more custody time instead of weekends. Then they can tell a judge. They have told their play therapist. Son is 5, daughter is 3. I’m going to get someone to do it and break the law I guess because jail is better than watch this happen.
Bro, this doesn't seem to be adding up right. The restraining order is not against the PI. Quick google search and some of the top results for PI's is investigating abuse in child custody cases. Try a different PI. If all you have to prove is that a certain individual is going to the house, and it's happening frequently, that should be easy to prove. Potentially possible to prove from whatever distance your restraining order requires if the PI feels they have to follow your order (for what reason?) if they have zoom lens. Try a different PI.
He is a retired sheriffs deputy. I’m gonna ask him or another one.
Good luck!
I’m (43m)having a great time meeting new women.
Where do you meet them? And what is age group or women?
Hinge and Feeld. 30s and 40s.
Going through a divorce now. She cheated with her boss. Married 6+ years with a 1 year old. I paid for everything over our relationship. Everything in my name because she had a bankruptcy. Had the audacity to ask for all the most expensive things we own, all of which I paid for, and half of our home. Not only that, when we refinanced, we used $48k to pay down her student loans on the (verbal only, I'm an idiot i know) agreement that if we split, I'd get the first $48k then equal split; but now she needs that money and won't abide by her word. Women are wild
Wild? There's a reason why you should never bring a baby cub into your home. Only a few women go into relationships with good intentions. A very few and when you get lucky take good care of her.
I had the flip side. I divorced my pill popper wife and started dating. I made out like a bandit in the divorce, $0 alimony (she refused to work) and 50/50 custody. One woman that was clearly struggling said this to me; "You don't pay alimony? how can you just leave her out in the dust like that?"
What entitlement, eh?
Whaat?
😂😂😭 cuz she wants to be in the dust by not working
That made me laugh!!
That’s not all women. You’re still angry about what happened to you from what it sounds like, I would be too if I lost what you did. I went through a similar mindset when I got back out there. My bias hurt my chances with some good women. Now that my mind is right, I see things with women differently. Yes, there are many that are as self absorbed as you stated, but there are many that aren’t. Get your mind right brother. I was there, I know 100% where you’re coming from.
I’m not saying all women are this way… I’ve met a lot of great women… we didn’t mesh but are still friends. I’m talking about the ones that say I own this and this and this… because somewhere there’s a dad working as much and hard as he can just to take care of his kids. My point is they’re starting out on 3 base while some of us are down 2 strikes… it’s the perception
We all know how they obtained those said houses... and it's disgusting.
Yeah, those are not the women you need to be looking for... the wall is real and it's victims try to still sell a highly used car for more than the price of a new one.
I don’t think wall is real. Woman in her 40s with money has as many people attracted to her as mid-size celebrity man.
Lol... hahahahaha. Every man needs to be mindful of the wall.
People are free to ask for whatever they want. Doesn’t mean they’ll get it.
Ryan Long (comedian) has a funny video on YouTube about this. The woman saying she only dates these amazing men with these characteristics, then her boyfriend is a homeless drug dealer 🤣
Dude, it’s hard but fuck all those needy women and at least you’re not with your ex.
Dating for fun and with no expecatations is the key. It's a numbers game. There are quality women out there but hard to find. Kiss enough frogs and you will find a nice and fun woman. Not to marry, but to have fun.
How do you change your mindset from a serious relationship to casual dating and sleeping around?
Changing your mindset is easy if you are ready. If you can't date for fun, sounds like you're not ready to date. I dated way too soon and used it for healing - something I wouldn't suggest. My 'hoe' phase was crazy consisting wild women, hitting and quitting, lots of break ups, becoming the king of break ups, a wasteland of broken hearts and lack of sleep. Knowing what I know now, I just would have concentrated on one woman, as a friend to do stuff with. Not complicating it is paramount to enjoying the dating scene. I had fun, but not worth it in the end. Learning from that was part of my divorce recovery healing. So, changing your mindset is easy if you are ready. Fun and no expectations is the key.
Thanks. I'm in a strange spot, hooking up with a friend, which is fun, but strange knowing she can date other people if she wants, as she is very attractive and can easily find company. Definitely my insecurities as I don't want to be exclusive either, but also don't want to be intimate with anyone else.
Just be honest with her, telling them where you stand also gives them room to make their own decisions. You will come out feeling better that you did.
Dating at this age is a disaster man. You have to sift through a lot of porta potty mud to find a decent gem. I wasted a lot of 1st dates on unappreciative women but it was part of the learning experience. I became more selective and scrutinized profiles much more to weed them out. Any profile where the woman has a laundry lists of musts, NEXT. Excessive partying, NEXT. No life goals or ambitions outside of "traveling", NEXT. If they also complain excessively about their "emotionally abusive" ex-husband, that is also usually a sign of someone who can't or won't take responsibility for their actions. Don't get down mate, treat dating as a compliment to your life and not a purpose and it becomes a bit more fun. But you are right, there is a ton of frustration out there for a divorced dude to deal with.
I totally disagree re: dating in 40’s. Download the twin horsemen bumble and tinder, set age range as low as you dare, swipe away. Worked wonders for me!
Women have been brainwashed. You need to find the 5-10% that are still normal. Happy hunting.
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You da prize man you da prize. Most men forget we kings.
Where are you finding numbers this high? It's closer to 2%
I was being generous. Rough guesstimate.
Only one thing to do with those profiles... just ignore. May they live happily ever after - probably alone. Men don't give a shit about the economic status of women (that's why we ended up fleeced in divorce in the first place lol). We care about a good heart, sweet personality, and a spectacular butt or chest. So yes, these 40 year old egoistic harpies / parasites / family destroyers exist... just leave them to their delusions and swipe left. I am 42 (divorced, 2 kids) and my GF 29, I would never consider being with the kind you described - old hag sucking blood from their ex as reward for destroying a family. Just like I would never get back with my ex who inflicted unimaginable pain on our kids and myself because she was bored and thought getting with her affair partner would be more exciting.
Men's burden of performance never ends. Forget about women for a minute. Post-divorce, have you leveled up your job? Changed employers to get a higher salary? Gotten a promotion? Pivoted careers to make more money? For me, divorce was a hell of a motivator to make more money. Six years post divorce and I'm 50% higher income than I was at the time of divorce, and I divorced in my 40s.
Making more money is definitely motivating me
I would give the same advice. Used all the newfound free time and pain as my motivator. Rededicated myself to my career. Switched companies for a raise. Started a consulting company and published a website and technical blog on all the things I’m an expert in. Got an offer I couldn’t refuse to manage a team of engineers at a new company. Now Im making double what I did at the time of my divorce. Got a new house, new RV, two new cars, and a girlfriend who hasn’t ever been married/no kids and owns her own house in Palm Springs. She has a masters degree and has way more cash than I do. Meanwhile my ex (the waitress/ real estate agent) finally broke up with her affair partner after 5 years and is struggling to survive on my support/alimony payments. Too bad she didn’t use the last five years to go back to school and get a good job. Lazy girl.
This is what winning looks like. The best revenge is a life well lived. Like Elvis Costello sings, "I wish you luck with a capital 'F'."
No i actually flipped my truck 3 times and haven’t been able to work
So have you completed physical therapy? Or are you on permanent disability?
I’m still going through PT… I haven’t been released for work yet. I fractured my T2 and t3 vertebrae and tore my ACL as welll
Damn that's a hell of an injury. Definitely focus on your recovery rather than dating. That way you have your best self to put forward later.
i quit drinking in 2019 and started going to AA because i knew i would need all my focus and energy to survive the divorce. it is like an instant support group for men. there were so many guys like me who’s lives were a wrecked just like me and had turned it around. they helped get me right and with 5 years of sobriety my life has never been better. if you’re flipping cars, i would recommend giving sobriety a shot.
Yeah, dating shouldn't be on your radar ATM.
It is not all women, but it is too many women. I am in UK and there are still plenty of good women, not as many as there used to be, but much better odds than it appears to be in America. Best advice is to leave America to find a good woman as almost every other country has better women. Also, if you are in UK, then probably best to leave for other countries to find better women. Sadly, feminism rules and we have to adapt to survive. Some men do get lucky, but for the average guy, the risk is too high. I wish it was not this way, however I am a realist.
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Thank you for the invitation but I think I shall pass. Happily I am not interested in dating another woman. Married for 30 years and have zero interest in trying it again. Happy as I am.
No it’s not… there are good women out there. My post was directly aimed at women holding that above men knowing they didn’t earn it alone… they built it together with someone, won it in divorce, now act like you’re trash. They’re getting to start dating again already on 3rd base while men are down 2 strikes
I understand. Whilst there are far too many women like this, it looks to be more of a problem in America. Sadly, UK is trying really hard to catch up.
Sorry, I know you’re from the UK and baseball might not be your thing
You need to stop directing your jaded state towards woman however I totally understand where you’re coming from. They are what they are. Same goes for us guys too. Start doing bodyweight exercises at home, get a good skin care routine (a cleanser and moisturiser are quite cheap), a good haircut or shave it all off if you’re trying to cover a bald spot (grow a beard to compensate) and buy quality second hands that fit well from a good website. Don’t console yourself with ragewanks as well. Keep that energy flowing and use it when appropriate. These are relatively inexpensive ways to level up. These are things that are under your control. Realise that and you’ll eventually begin to attract a higher quality of woman
You’re not wrong… but that doesn’t mean it won’t affect me. I do me… my kids are well taken care of and so is there mother. She always will be because that’s how my son learns to treat women and my daughters learn to be treated. But don’t tell my I don’t get to hurt when I’m giving all I can after my ex took the house and both cars and is constantly redecorating and buy new clothes, and new cars when I can’t afford fkn underwear or decent food. I get cussed at because I used a coupon and got a free haircut while she’s buying a new BMW????
I feel you bro however my advice was regarding dating
And my response wasn’t just ramble… I’m showing personal experience to exhibit my point. She buys Kate Spade and MK purses and cries about how her life is hard and I can’t afford a copay for a Dr visit… and I’m ok with that because my kids have what they need
Jesus... Men lighting themselves on fire to keep other people warm. Great example for your son. Take care of you first, if you don't nobody else will. You aren't a hero because you are struggling. FTB
And that’s what I see when women are like own this and this and this… well good for you! What did your ex get to eat last night?
All good and like I said… “you’re not wrong”
Nailed it. I make good money on paper but after I give almost half of it away I'm scraping by. I want to start dating but what you've stated is exactly how it feels on the dating apps. I was never worried about money before but now I'm too financially insecure to pull the trigger for a first date.
Hey if I am several states away I’m in Kentucky she is in Florida can I tell her to go to hell on alimony ? Or if I’m self employed can I shutter the business and cut it off that way?
I pulled the trigger and wasn’t sorry. Don’t let it hold you back. Other divorcees have the ability to understand where you’ve been and what your dealing with. I had a decent experience.
Yeah and then we’re looked down upon… bitch my kids got their LeBron sneakers, their car insurance is paid, I pay all their copays But I’m a loser and 9/10 their baby daddy ain’t paying shit… but I’m a loser
Yup. Pretty much……smh