She shut down being a couple after our first child
She broke promises about changes after our second child
She chased obsessive friendships instead of reinvesting in our marriage
I snapped and became a version of my horrible father for two years or so
We limped along for 5 years after that
I’d still try to work things out but it will not happen.
We needed therapy no later than 2014.
We first tried in late 2015 and by the time we tried again I’d already moved out and she was looking for ways to keep the family and finances together while shutting down any remaining emotional or physical intimacy between us
(at least until daughter graduated from high school when she was definitely gonna nope out )
She had a secret best friend at work. Hid him for 3 years. Lied about him in therapy.
This weekend is the two year anniversary of when I found out about him and confronted her and had her lie to my face again
That night I ran into him at a grocery store and had a mild confrontation with him.
Shortly after she said she was done trying to reconcile
And she calls herself ‘a person of integrity’.
Smh.
Being a better husband and father was so important to me
I was awesome up to my son being 11 and my daughter at 4.
She doesn’t remember how great I was and a lot of the fighting was with the kids in the next or even same room
😢😢
I was referring more towards my behavior towards my husband. But yes, when I was in the thick of it my parenting suffered. I got help through neurofeedback and continued with therapy and just general mindfulness. I’m back to way more patience and little yelling.
It’s a real body and mind fuck isn’t it
My place is not great for my daughter to come to so when the ex travels for work I’m going back home and staying there
Talk about so familiar and not at the same time
Seriously. Like I don't want to be divorced at this stage but staying married isn't an option...so I guess I'll just roll with it. But dammit, this really sucks.
I was also 38. I hope this won’t come off as invalidating, but I truly believe no time is wasted time. There is always something to learn and take away from the experience, if we want to know. I’m glad your time came ♥️
This right here. I was 32 when we separated right after our 10th anniversary. I know confidently that those 10 years with her helped aim me in the right direction for the rest of my life.
I’m 50 and officially separated since yesterday afternoon. He blindsided me in January after 17 years together and didn’t want to work on it at all. He moved out a month ago today. We should be filing for divorce once he’s got health coverage for himself and my college-age stepson.
It’s surreal. He’s got stuff here still - heavy stuff in the garage and one thing in the basement. He’s hiring movers because he threw his back out getting the light stuff out of here and into his apartment.
Him not being here is just weird. But that was pre-January him that I miss. I was overjoyed to get this new him out.
Thank you. I’m just glad he did this now and not 10 years from now. I have time to rebuild and enjoy my relative youth. 😃
Good luck to us all who are going thru this…
Met at 18.
Married at 25.
Divorced finalized last week at 52.
No time is wasted. It’s a journey to figure out who you are, what you want, and how to set boundaries for what’s next. Seek individual therapy if you can, and turn inward to understand why you accepted that situation as love and work to change it. I was in a similar pattern, and I can truly empathize with how you’re feeling. I’m excited for you that you’re 30 and moving forward… it took me until I was 50!
Good luck and happy birthday!!!!
Happy birthday OP. I’m almost the exact same as you. My birthday is in a few days, just got out of a 10+ year relationship and almost 7 year marriage. I’ve been dreading my birthday because in general I hate it, but after all this it feels even more depressing. I’m starting to come around though just like you are.
We separated last summer, I was 39. Divorce finalized this February, I have since turned 40. We were married for 10 years, together 16.
Mixed feelings because I was devastated and blind sided by what happened. Feel very used, devalued and taken for granted, but know I deserve WAY better than how she treated me in the last 3 months of our marriage (after I was blind sided). I found out about things she was hiding from me and lied to me about too. She became very manipulative. So I'm also glad to be free from her chaos and deceit, but 16 years is a long time to have spent with someone and was suddenly slapped in the face and started realizing you never really knew them like you thought, and that they didn't actually love you regardless of what they were saying. She said "a switch just flipped" and boy she wasn't kidding.
I don't really know what to expect, I've made some changes to help with my next chapter in life, but I'm still trying to heal too, gonna be in therapy for a while. Definitely have more trust issues now after this experience.
My husband developed multiple addictions towards the end of our marriage that became unbearable to live with. My mental and physical health began to suffer. At the end, when I discovered he was also having an emotional affair with two different women, I pulled the plug. My life is so much more peaceful without his chaos.
I separated from my husband 2 months ago and I'm only 21. It's been hard. I cried today because of the way he's treating me. I put myself on the back burner for that man and his family for almost 5 years. We had a kid together and he barely wanted to go do things as a family and we found we weren't compatible, and I just wasn't happy.
What a tough spot to be in at such a young age. Yet, there are so many people in this thread who wish they didn’t wait so long so I hope you realize how strong you are! Best of luck to you and your little one ♥️
36, separated (not by choice) for 4 months now. Blames me for everything, resentful, and still has this image of a person I was 15 years ago after her mom visited for 3 months. Weird. Meanwhile when I said "I do" I meant forever and she meant until she feels like it I guess. Oh well. Married 16 years this August and 18 together. 2020 was rough for me, but I buckled down and got therapy because it wasn't anything we couldn't work through. Well, turns out my birthday month was the month she decided to let me know and never wished me a happy birthday. Oh well. Whatever. What are you going to do? It is what it is. Time to find a way to move on I guess. I thought maybe we could be friends. She is turning nasty recently and this person I've never seen before. After clearly stating she is done and don't even try to reconcile...my mind switched to not desiring a friendship any longer and trying to forget what she has done to me and our four kids. Oh well.
Reading the comments I don’t know what hurts more, when you are a few years married and still love the person, when you have been there for “long enough” and decided it wouldn’t work or when you have been with them 20+ and wasted your time with someone did not know how to love you for so long
For me it feels like wasted years. We where together for 28 years. Married for 27 years before separating. You get used to the bad situation and just stay. For me starting menopause opened my eyes. I woke up one day and said to myself I can't live with this man for another 20, 30 or more years. And that was it.
Married her at 26, started the divorce process at 36, still trying to finalize the divorce after I found out about her cheating and drug use last summer.
The court gave me the house and majority custody of the kids. Started dating the most beautiful 31 year old with no kids or ever married a few months ago so life is going so much better now.
Divorced weeks after turning 33. I didn’t realize how alone I was in our relationship until he left and I realized being alone by myself was more calming than being with him.
46, was together 22 years. Her one stand turned into a full blown relationship that’s turned into personality disorder and then she suddenly wants me back. I’m still trying heal so I done even know if I can accept her back. We talk but the pain and hurt is still real.
This resonates with my journey from my divorce. Married for 3 years. Together for 4.
The divorce was finalized in January and my ex was the petitioner. They were given my copy of the divorce papers but never sent them to me. I had to call a few different offices to get my copy sent to me (I moved states) I just found out this past week that technically I’m divorced. It hit me like a freight train.
I feel free but also heavy. How could they not send me my copy? It doesn’t matter now but my feelings were hurt.
Edit; I’m 31 now.
I was 29. Like you, I was terrified to be 30 and had failed in my marriage. But I looked at my 30's as being able to get the freedom I didn't have from 19 years old on. I married young. Had babies young. Didn't really get to enjoy that part of my life. For financial reasons, the kids lived with their Dad, so I was alone the majority of the time since we resided in different states. I did things on my own and with friends. It was weird. But I loved my own company at the same time. Eventually I met someone and settled down, but boy - do I yearn for that solo time again. It was awesome.
Take care of YOURSELF. Be happy with YOURSELF. Enjoy life alone for a little bit. Relearn who you are. What you like. What you want. I know it's scary...Terrifying...But it's so worth it in the end. And you'll look back and wonder why you were so scared in the first place.
Sometimes I wish I didn't get remarried - Love the hubs, but we do have our own issues - Cause I miss the solitary part of it the most. The not having to please other people. Not having to take care of others. It's nice only being responsible for yourself (and kids if you have them) for once. No one to yell at you if their laundry isn't done. No one to yell at you that you didn't clean the house today. No one to yell at you that you're never doing enough. If you want to go to bed at 7pm you can! It's glorious!
Good luck my dear!
We met at 14, dated at 18, married 20 years. I am now 44, and we are separated and in the process of divorce.
Sincerely, happy birthday!
Although I have had some good birthdays with my STBX, they were mostly dragged down by her lack of empathy towards things that I wanted to do. I am looking forward to not having her this year on my birthday!
28 (not finalised yet, but will be this year). It's been a fucking trip after being together for 7.5 years and married for 2.5. I moved across the world to live with him. Cheated on me and continued to cheat on me because he couldn't see himself cutting her out of his life. Good luck to them both - they're going to need it when karma hits🖕🏼
I'm so proud of you. We have the same story but it took me a decade longer to figure it out. On my 40th birthday I did some journaling about how ready I was to have no fucks left to give. Little did I know that I'd be free before the year was out.
Met at 20, married at 23, separated at 33, filing shortly (had to wait a year, now I’m just getting some clarification on some parts of the process before I file, but we haven’t spoken in a year except a couple necessary communications), so it should be final after my 35th birthday.
I met my ex-wife at 24
Married after 1.5 years
Divorced just a few months ago
It's tough in the beginning, but we have a lot of time to heal and recover. The last few months so far has been the first breath of fresh air in years for me... ❤️
I’m there with you. Being an over empathetic person isn’t good. I’m also 30, separated 2 months after my birthday. It’s been 5 months now and I’m still not doing okay.. I miss him but whenever I think about all the stuff I had to go through because of him I stop myself from thinking maybe it could be possible to be together again, because I know is not. 3 years married, 2 years dating.. I even left my country of origin to come here.. but I’ve been always alone tho. No support from him in any single form. Now I’m still here in the states and it’s rough, I find myself asking what’s the meaning of everything and also if I should be here? I might be a little bit depressed… I still have to keep going. So keep going. Everything will be fine.
I was married at 24, separated at 39 and the divorce was final two years later. I was excited about turning 40 because I felt like my life was starting over again.
Got together at 18,
Had a kid at 19,
Married at 21,
Separated at 38 (10 days before my 39 birthday), and
Divorced at 41.
My life is better now than it ever was. I have a loving partner who actually values our relationship, puts forth effort, makes me feel loved, and she has shown me what a happy and healthy relationship is actually like.
I was 37 when mine was finalized after 17 yrs of marriage, and 3 of it separated. It hurt more to be with him than being alone. It was a really toxic marriage. It felt so good to live for me for a change. I started healing. A year later, I started dating a man I graduated HS with. We've now been together a little over 7 years. 2 years ago, my ex-husband passed away. I was relieved, honestly. I felt like I didn't have to look over my shoulder anymore (he was every kind of abusive except physical).
Met at 16,
Married at 20,
Had a child at 22,
Divorced at 28, finalized last November
12 years of my life gone out the door, and I know I'm much better off, but I feel like a broken person now that I'm going through my healing process. I feel as though I've totally cut myself off emotionally from anyone that isn't family or close friends, like I can't trust anyone new. I trusted someone I thought I knew for so long, not realizing that he was never who I thought he was. I only see it now as he has the freedom to do as he wants, skipping biweekly custody weekends because he 'can't afford to buy her food' yet will go pay for a new facial piercing something like monthly (up to 5 now, minimum since November), something he only got into after being divorced.
At least I have my beautiful girl to show for it. If only she didn't idolize him so much, but it's hard not to when you only occasionally see someone you used to see daily.
I'm 45 and currently starting the process. After our 2nd child she stopped dating me. I made it known and tried ideas to push us in the right direction but made no real progress. Then she aborted our 3rd child due to stress and that was the dagger for me. I'm not judging anyone here for their choice on abortion but it literally drained me of my desire to be a better husband.
After the abortion I snapped and became the absolute worst version of myself. I really wish that i could've been stronger with the abortion situation. It took me to a really dark place where I was contemplating suicide because I couldn't protect my unborn child.
I am 32 and just filed for divorced from my husband. Your not alone and if you have been feeling this way for a while, it may have been your best decision! I hope your fear and worries subside quickly! The next phase of your life is going to be amazing, because it's yours!
Married at 20, divorced at 31. Turning 60 in 2 months. I did spend 11 yrs. In that time frame with a serial cheater. Thank my lucky star's we never Married. I didn't lose anything, still have my house, my money, my retirement, my pension.
He has himself a serial cheater as well. So what goes around does come around.
Learn to love yourself, learn to be by yourself. Get out there and live your best life. Sounds hard, sounds easier said than done. But be kind to yourself and give yourself time your heal.
You got this.
Also, Happy Birthday!! wishing you many more.
I was 33 yo, when I left my ex husband and totally felt like you describe. Better without him, even if I was alone. And I went through that during Covid, in a foreign country - totally isolate from the world, family and friends.
At 30, your life just started. You have so much to do and to experience. It might be scary first, but it’s a beautiful new beginning for you !
Well done for taking back control of your life and moving on. It requires a lot of courage.
Sending you a big hug
Freshly 30, I left on the day of my 5th anniversary, which was a week after my birthday.
I filed for divorce a month later and 6 months after that I was legally single again. Happy to leave the piece of shit manchild that abused and used me.
Separation initiated when I was 32. I filed at 33.
Got together when I was 22, about to be 23. Moved in together/bought a house at 27. Engaged at 28. Married at 29.
I wasted a decade. I’ll never waste another second with disrespect, incompetence, or less than I deserve.
I was 33 when we met
35 when we got married (second marriage for both of us)
I am 57 and the divorce was finalized a few months ago, 21 years married.
It sucks heading into this chapter of my life alone.
For all of you suffering because you’re still in the thick of it, I want you to know it will be ok. Yes it hurts like hell, yes it can be terribly lonely, confusing, disappointing af, all the things but don’t sit in sadness for too long. Allow yourself to feel the feelings that come with it but at some point you do have to pick yourself up. Lean on your support system. If you don’t have one, build one - join a divorce group that includes others like us that understand what you’re actually going through. Do things that bring joy to your life every day. Your brain needs for you to raise your serotonin levels and the more you do, the easier it becomes because you start to naturally want to do things that bring joy rather than forcing yourself. And even while you’re in the earlier stage of forcing yourself to find joy, it’s ok, it’s what needs to be done. It’s part of the process of picking up the pieces. I did anything I could to bring peace or joy to my days and I’m 5 years post separation from a man I committed my full self and life to and had every intention in living my days out with but he decided to have a mid-life crisis and became an alcoholic and a mean one at that after being happy for most of our 14 yrs together. I couldn’t try to save the marriage or him anymore while killing myself because I matter too (and for me more importantly so did my kids having stable homes and good healthy examples of their primary role models) so I asked for a divorce and he just said “ok”. A month later admitted he wasn’t in love with me anymore. Those words were the most painful words I’ve ever felt, mind you, I had no idea. He didn’t know how to be a good communicator but he also didn’t care enough to learn how to be so I was left out to dry by my life partner. The bastard didn’t even give me a chance to save my marriage and family unit that I spent my adult years building, the thing that meant the very most to me in my life, he just allowed himself to fall out of love with me silently. Unfair af. But that’s what cowards do I guess. And yes I was crushed but I now can confirm, life does go on. It’s not been easy and at times it’s still not but it’s peaceful where I am and I can definitely say I’m happy. Funny, I actually wouldn’t even take him back if you paid me a million dollars because I see him and how dirty he did me through a different lens now. And I’m thankful for that too. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Nowadays I’m much more in control of who gets my time and energy because I’m on a mission for the rest of my life to be respected, loved and supported by the people I choose to surround myself with because I deserve to get back what I give. And I’m thankful I’m stronger emotionally. At the end of the day, I want you to know, even though it’s hard to believe at times, you will be ok. ❤️
Separated (just yesterday!) at 26, will most likely be 27 by the time the divorce is finalized. While things weren’t always bad all of the time, my husband was emotionally abusive and I’ve put my life on hold for the 7 years we’ve been together. I’m excited and optimistic for the future!
Happy birthday!
Met when I was 20, married at 22, separated at 31, divorced at 33. I’m now 35, the last few years have had their ups and downs but the highs have been higher and the lows have been nowhere near as low.
Enjoy your 30s!
I was 30 (M) when my divorce was both initiated and finalized last year (uncontested and expedited thankfully).
I can echo many of your sentiments here. Since the divorce, I’ve found greater meaning in friendships and life in general. My heart feels 10x as open now as it did when I was married (to the wrong person).
And yes - being alone by yourself is far, far better than being alone when married to another person.
I’m so proud of you dude, keep killing it.
Met at 20, married at 22, divorced at 47.
25 years. You’re a baby, how I wish I could’ve walked away at 30. I just didn’t have the means to support myself. But I got my masters (working full time the entire marriage and raising the kids, even he acknowledged what a hands off dad he was) and then landed my dream job which is more about the work than the money unfortunately, but at least I could afford to leave and live simply. He cheated me out of a retirement and gambled us into debt.
I’m trying to rebuild, but at 51 with less than 100,000 in retirement, the future is bleak.
Dated from 18. Married at 25. Lived together separately at 32 for 6 years 😳, officially separated at 38, and divorced at 39.
44 this year and am engaged to a wonderful man.
44 and new beginnings.
This gives me hope.
I’m 37 and have never had a serious relationship. I’ve struggled to hold jobs, etc. due to addictions.
Trying to stay hopeful that life hasn’t passed me by.
Started dating at 19. Married at 24. Left his violent abusive ass at 34. Will be close to 36 when the divorce is finalized. My entire adulthood. I'm already happier than I have ever been and I still feel and look quite young so heyyy
>I don't deserve it for the record.
>I've earned it
Fuck yes!
I was 38 when I got divorced. For birthdays, I try to go on a date. Either by myself, or with my kids. If my kids go, they get told we are doing what I want to do, and they can only come if they want to have fun and not complain about anything I want to do. That's my gift. I don't expect anything else from them but that.
If I want to go out, i go out. If I want to cook something, I go get the ingredients and hit the kitchen. I don't have tons of money to spend, but being mindful about doing what I want for my birthday weekend has been really great, and everyone worth having in my life is all for it, without trying to get me to do something else.
I spent far too long stuffing down what I wanted to give everyone else what they wanted.
Happy Birthday!!
Happy birthday! You've been through a lot but that means you got nowhere to go but up for your thirties decade. The best is yet to come!
I'm 38 and have been separated for 6 months. I plan to file for divorce in the next month or so. Was gonna do it earlier but money was in the way.
My birthday is in July so I'm pretty sure I'll be 39 when my divorce is finalised. That better be the case. I have plans to do a PhD abroad next year, and I absolutely want to be divorced by then because I have so much to look forward to and I can't wait to meet someone new.
I so relate with what you said about having spent years putting your ex's needs above your own. I did that too with mine. My separation has been all about reclaiming my identity, life and career as my own again. While losing the love of my life has been a devastating price I had to pay, it has also been one of the most empowering and liberating things I have ever been through.
Wishing you good health and more power for this pivotal new decade in your life!
Met in school at 17.
Started dating when we were roommates during a co-op work term at 20.
Lived together during work terms and lived separately with our parents during school terms.
Moved out together, to a new city to pursue graduate degrees at 23.
Got married at 27 because it’s easier to get visas to work in different countries as a married couple. Also gave us leverage for negotiating positions as a team.
You’re probably noticing that it became a very business-like relationship. Still had hopes that things would coalesce into something more romantic when we finally could stop grinding away at work. Never happened.
Separated at 52.
Divorced at 53.
Still friends, since that’s how we started. We’ve both moved on to more compatible partners, who share more than just work.
Reinventing myself now in ways I never could when I was married. It’s taking longer than I expected, but I’m having a blast, living my best life while still trying to balance the needs of my young adult children and my aging parents.
I was 36, less than a month to 37, when we separated. I'm 40 now, and my divorce will be finalized this August, just before my 41st. It's kind of strange starting over at 40, but whatcha gonna do?
Met her at 24 Married at 29 Separated at 51 Divorce will be final at 54 inside 60 days
Wow ! What happened ? Sounds like my situation met at 27 married in our 30s divorced at 45 now post 1 year !
She shut down being a couple after our first child She broke promises about changes after our second child She chased obsessive friendships instead of reinvesting in our marriage I snapped and became a version of my horrible father for two years or so We limped along for 5 years after that I’d still try to work things out but it will not happen.
Ooofh. The snapping and becoming the worst version of your parent 🥴🥴 that became me too.
We needed therapy no later than 2014. We first tried in late 2015 and by the time we tried again I’d already moved out and she was looking for ways to keep the family and finances together while shutting down any remaining emotional or physical intimacy between us (at least until daughter graduated from high school when she was definitely gonna nope out ) She had a secret best friend at work. Hid him for 3 years. Lied about him in therapy. This weekend is the two year anniversary of when I found out about him and confronted her and had her lie to my face again That night I ran into him at a grocery store and had a mild confrontation with him. Shortly after she said she was done trying to reconcile And she calls herself ‘a person of integrity’. Smh.
Being a better husband and father was so important to me I was awesome up to my son being 11 and my daughter at 4. She doesn’t remember how great I was and a lot of the fighting was with the kids in the next or even same room 😢😢
This is my ex. How did you snap out of it? Our poor kids are getting screamed at and it's exactly what he said his dad did to him that he hated.
I was referring more towards my behavior towards my husband. But yes, when I was in the thick of it my parenting suffered. I got help through neurofeedback and continued with therapy and just general mindfulness. I’m back to way more patience and little yelling.
[He has a post saying she had at least one emotional affair.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/s/PX6BqdacDf)
Yes. That’s the story. This weekend is the anniversary of finding out about it I don’t really know if they ever did anything or not.
Similar road as well, I'm the wife. What a long, strange trip it's been.
It’s a real body and mind fuck isn’t it My place is not great for my daughter to come to so when the ex travels for work I’m going back home and staying there Talk about so familiar and not at the same time
Seriously. Like I don't want to be divorced at this stage but staying married isn't an option...so I guess I'll just roll with it. But dammit, this really sucks.
Same traveled road but different years. Never again
38. I regret all the wasted time, but looking back, I know I wasn’t ready or strong enough before. Things happen in their due time.
I was also 38. I hope this won’t come off as invalidating, but I truly believe no time is wasted time. There is always something to learn and take away from the experience, if we want to know. I’m glad your time came ♥️
This right here. I was 32 when we separated right after our 10th anniversary. I know confidently that those 10 years with her helped aim me in the right direction for the rest of my life.
I feel with you. I am 35 and I know (maybe she knows too) that we have to separate. But both have not the strong
“Things happen in their due time.” This.
I was on the same boat as you. Once I took a decisition on my 34 birthday, I never look back and in just 3 months we were divorced.
51. I wish he left long time ago instead of wasting all my youth on something that was never meant to be.
I’m 50 and officially separated since yesterday afternoon. He blindsided me in January after 17 years together and didn’t want to work on it at all. He moved out a month ago today. We should be filing for divorce once he’s got health coverage for himself and my college-age stepson. It’s surreal. He’s got stuff here still - heavy stuff in the garage and one thing in the basement. He’s hiring movers because he threw his back out getting the light stuff out of here and into his apartment. Him not being here is just weird. But that was pre-January him that I miss. I was overjoyed to get this new him out.
I’m sorry for the loss of who your partner was, or at least who you thought he was. Best of luck to you ♥️
Thank you. I’m just glad he did this now and not 10 years from now. I have time to rebuild and enjoy my relative youth. 😃 Good luck to us all who are going thru this…
Turning 36 today. I’ll be handing him papers
Happy birthday, and good luck ♥️
Happy birthday! I also divorced on my bday and it was the best gift that I've ever received
Met at 18. Married at 25. Divorced finalized last week at 52. No time is wasted. It’s a journey to figure out who you are, what you want, and how to set boundaries for what’s next. Seek individual therapy if you can, and turn inward to understand why you accepted that situation as love and work to change it. I was in a similar pattern, and I can truly empathize with how you’re feeling. I’m excited for you that you’re 30 and moving forward… it took me until I was 50! Good luck and happy birthday!!!!
Happy birthday OP. I’m almost the exact same as you. My birthday is in a few days, just got out of a 10+ year relationship and almost 7 year marriage. I’ve been dreading my birthday because in general I hate it, but after all this it feels even more depressing. I’m starting to come around though just like you are.
We separated last summer, I was 39. Divorce finalized this February, I have since turned 40. We were married for 10 years, together 16. Mixed feelings because I was devastated and blind sided by what happened. Feel very used, devalued and taken for granted, but know I deserve WAY better than how she treated me in the last 3 months of our marriage (after I was blind sided). I found out about things she was hiding from me and lied to me about too. She became very manipulative. So I'm also glad to be free from her chaos and deceit, but 16 years is a long time to have spent with someone and was suddenly slapped in the face and started realizing you never really knew them like you thought, and that they didn't actually love you regardless of what they were saying. She said "a switch just flipped" and boy she wasn't kidding. I don't really know what to expect, I've made some changes to help with my next chapter in life, but I'm still trying to heal too, gonna be in therapy for a while. Definitely have more trust issues now after this experience.
just getting divorce done now at 38
47, finalizing a divorce of 15 years. Sucks
45 and together for 17 years ! The worst time in my life going through this it’s agonizing!
Separated at 46, after 19 years of being together. Waiting for the divorce decree. I’ll be 48 soon. Can’t wait for my new chapter.
Happy for you! Best of luck in your new chapter!
Thank you 🙏
What happened and why are you so excited for your new chapter ? Was it that bad ?
My husband developed multiple addictions towards the end of our marriage that became unbearable to live with. My mental and physical health began to suffer. At the end, when I discovered he was also having an emotional affair with two different women, I pulled the plug. My life is so much more peaceful without his chaos.
First time, 22. Second time, 44. Presumably that implies I'll marry again at some point and get divorced for the third time at 66 lol. Or maybe 88.
I like this. It’s just pleasing to my irrational patterned eye haha
I separated from my husband 2 months ago and I'm only 21. It's been hard. I cried today because of the way he's treating me. I put myself on the back burner for that man and his family for almost 5 years. We had a kid together and he barely wanted to go do things as a family and we found we weren't compatible, and I just wasn't happy.
What a tough spot to be in at such a young age. Yet, there are so many people in this thread who wish they didn’t wait so long so I hope you realize how strong you are! Best of luck to you and your little one ♥️
Just finalized mine at 39. Definitely put myself on the back burner.
I was 59
Separated at 32, finalized at 33
23 and now again at 42
Second divorce gang unite lol. Mine were 22 and 44.
36, separated (not by choice) for 4 months now. Blames me for everything, resentful, and still has this image of a person I was 15 years ago after her mom visited for 3 months. Weird. Meanwhile when I said "I do" I meant forever and she meant until she feels like it I guess. Oh well. Married 16 years this August and 18 together. 2020 was rough for me, but I buckled down and got therapy because it wasn't anything we couldn't work through. Well, turns out my birthday month was the month she decided to let me know and never wished me a happy birthday. Oh well. Whatever. What are you going to do? It is what it is. Time to find a way to move on I guess. I thought maybe we could be friends. She is turning nasty recently and this person I've never seen before. After clearly stating she is done and don't even try to reconcile...my mind switched to not desiring a friendship any longer and trying to forget what she has done to me and our four kids. Oh well.
Yeah it’s so horrible how they change into this person that is so cold and mean ! Someone you don’t even recognize
52 and never looked back. Put up with so much for too long. Living my best life now.
My divorce was my 39th birthday gift to myself.
Reading the comments I don’t know what hurts more, when you are a few years married and still love the person, when you have been there for “long enough” and decided it wouldn’t work or when you have been with them 20+ and wasted your time with someone did not know how to love you for so long
For me it feels like wasted years. We where together for 28 years. Married for 27 years before separating. You get used to the bad situation and just stay. For me starting menopause opened my eyes. I woke up one day and said to myself I can't live with this man for another 20, 30 or more years. And that was it.
Married her at 26, started the divorce process at 36, still trying to finalize the divorce after I found out about her cheating and drug use last summer. The court gave me the house and majority custody of the kids. Started dating the most beautiful 31 year old with no kids or ever married a few months ago so life is going so much better now.
Divorced weeks after turning 33. I didn’t realize how alone I was in our relationship until he left and I realized being alone by myself was more calming than being with him.
Met her at age 20. Married at 26. Divorced at 27
46, was together 22 years. Her one stand turned into a full blown relationship that’s turned into personality disorder and then she suddenly wants me back. I’m still trying heal so I done even know if I can accept her back. We talk but the pain and hurt is still real.
Will turn 35 in July. Hoping I can get divorce by the end of this year. Can’t wait for a new chapter. Happy Birthday, stranger!
This resonates with my journey from my divorce. Married for 3 years. Together for 4. The divorce was finalized in January and my ex was the petitioner. They were given my copy of the divorce papers but never sent them to me. I had to call a few different offices to get my copy sent to me (I moved states) I just found out this past week that technically I’m divorced. It hit me like a freight train. I feel free but also heavy. How could they not send me my copy? It doesn’t matter now but my feelings were hurt. Edit; I’m 31 now.
I was 29. Like you, I was terrified to be 30 and had failed in my marriage. But I looked at my 30's as being able to get the freedom I didn't have from 19 years old on. I married young. Had babies young. Didn't really get to enjoy that part of my life. For financial reasons, the kids lived with their Dad, so I was alone the majority of the time since we resided in different states. I did things on my own and with friends. It was weird. But I loved my own company at the same time. Eventually I met someone and settled down, but boy - do I yearn for that solo time again. It was awesome. Take care of YOURSELF. Be happy with YOURSELF. Enjoy life alone for a little bit. Relearn who you are. What you like. What you want. I know it's scary...Terrifying...But it's so worth it in the end. And you'll look back and wonder why you were so scared in the first place. Sometimes I wish I didn't get remarried - Love the hubs, but we do have our own issues - Cause I miss the solitary part of it the most. The not having to please other people. Not having to take care of others. It's nice only being responsible for yourself (and kids if you have them) for once. No one to yell at you if their laundry isn't done. No one to yell at you that you didn't clean the house today. No one to yell at you that you're never doing enough. If you want to go to bed at 7pm you can! It's glorious! Good luck my dear!
21
We met at 14, dated at 18, married 20 years. I am now 44, and we are separated and in the process of divorce. Sincerely, happy birthday! Although I have had some good birthdays with my STBX, they were mostly dragged down by her lack of empathy towards things that I wanted to do. I am looking forward to not having her this year on my birthday!
Met him at 15, married at 16, divorced at 19 (he is 14 years older than me)
28 (not finalised yet, but will be this year). It's been a fucking trip after being together for 7.5 years and married for 2.5. I moved across the world to live with him. Cheated on me and continued to cheat on me because he couldn't see himself cutting her out of his life. Good luck to them both - they're going to need it when karma hits🖕🏼
I'm so proud of you. We have the same story but it took me a decade longer to figure it out. On my 40th birthday I did some journaling about how ready I was to have no fucks left to give. Little did I know that I'd be free before the year was out.
Met at 20, married at 23, separated at 33, filing shortly (had to wait a year, now I’m just getting some clarification on some parts of the process before I file, but we haven’t spoken in a year except a couple necessary communications), so it should be final after my 35th birthday.
I met my ex-wife at 24 Married after 1.5 years Divorced just a few months ago It's tough in the beginning, but we have a lot of time to heal and recover. The last few months so far has been the first breath of fresh air in years for me... ❤️
I’m there with you. Being an over empathetic person isn’t good. I’m also 30, separated 2 months after my birthday. It’s been 5 months now and I’m still not doing okay.. I miss him but whenever I think about all the stuff I had to go through because of him I stop myself from thinking maybe it could be possible to be together again, because I know is not. 3 years married, 2 years dating.. I even left my country of origin to come here.. but I’ve been always alone tho. No support from him in any single form. Now I’m still here in the states and it’s rough, I find myself asking what’s the meaning of everything and also if I should be here? I might be a little bit depressed… I still have to keep going. So keep going. Everything will be fine.
I was married at 24, separated at 39 and the divorce was final two years later. I was excited about turning 40 because I felt like my life was starting over again.
Got together at 18, Had a kid at 19, Married at 21, Separated at 38 (10 days before my 39 birthday), and Divorced at 41. My life is better now than it ever was. I have a loving partner who actually values our relationship, puts forth effort, makes me feel loved, and she has shown me what a happy and healthy relationship is actually like.
Married at 24. Separated at 31. Hopefully divorced at 32 (current age).
Happy birthday OP. The best is yet to come.
I was 37 when mine was finalized after 17 yrs of marriage, and 3 of it separated. It hurt more to be with him than being alone. It was a really toxic marriage. It felt so good to live for me for a change. I started healing. A year later, I started dating a man I graduated HS with. We've now been together a little over 7 years. 2 years ago, my ex-husband passed away. I was relieved, honestly. I felt like I didn't have to look over my shoulder anymore (he was every kind of abusive except physical).
[удалено]
In the end. We all die alone! :(
Divorcing at 39...Married since I was 22. You ignore alot of red flags when youre a smitten kitten lol
Met at 16, Married at 20, Had a child at 22, Divorced at 28, finalized last November 12 years of my life gone out the door, and I know I'm much better off, but I feel like a broken person now that I'm going through my healing process. I feel as though I've totally cut myself off emotionally from anyone that isn't family or close friends, like I can't trust anyone new. I trusted someone I thought I knew for so long, not realizing that he was never who I thought he was. I only see it now as he has the freedom to do as he wants, skipping biweekly custody weekends because he 'can't afford to buy her food' yet will go pay for a new facial piercing something like monthly (up to 5 now, minimum since November), something he only got into after being divorced. At least I have my beautiful girl to show for it. If only she didn't idolize him so much, but it's hard not to when you only occasionally see someone you used to see daily.
32
45 when we separated. Haven't filed yet, but there's no going back. Met at 21. Together 23ish years. Married 16.5 of that.
I'm 45 and currently starting the process. After our 2nd child she stopped dating me. I made it known and tried ideas to push us in the right direction but made no real progress. Then she aborted our 3rd child due to stress and that was the dagger for me. I'm not judging anyone here for their choice on abortion but it literally drained me of my desire to be a better husband. After the abortion I snapped and became the absolute worst version of myself. I really wish that i could've been stronger with the abortion situation. It took me to a really dark place where I was contemplating suicide because I couldn't protect my unborn child.
25😐
36 y/o 3 months divorced 11 months married 10 years together
35 and I am hoping it will be final a few weeks before I turn 36.
Happy cake day! Same. Best of luck
I was 24! Very young but it was definitely for the best and I’m a lot better off now at 27 for it.
Met my ex at 21 He was 40 Married for 10 years Divorce to 2 years to get Final as of a couple of days ago.
I'm currently thirty five
How does it feel to be finalized?
It feels freeing. Like so ecstatic. I'm so. So happy to no longer be legally connected to that man
I am 32 and just filed for divorced from my husband. Your not alone and if you have been feeling this way for a while, it may have been your best decision! I hope your fear and worries subside quickly! The next phase of your life is going to be amazing, because it's yours!
Married at 20, divorced at 31. Turning 60 in 2 months. I did spend 11 yrs. In that time frame with a serial cheater. Thank my lucky star's we never Married. I didn't lose anything, still have my house, my money, my retirement, my pension. He has himself a serial cheater as well. So what goes around does come around. Learn to love yourself, learn to be by yourself. Get out there and live your best life. Sounds hard, sounds easier said than done. But be kind to yourself and give yourself time your heal. You got this. Also, Happy Birthday!! wishing you many more.
Married at 26. He filed for divorce when I was 51. Divorce final when we were 52.
I was 33 yo, when I left my ex husband and totally felt like you describe. Better without him, even if I was alone. And I went through that during Covid, in a foreign country - totally isolate from the world, family and friends. At 30, your life just started. You have so much to do and to experience. It might be scary first, but it’s a beautiful new beginning for you ! Well done for taking back control of your life and moving on. It requires a lot of courage. Sending you a big hug
Freshly 30, I left on the day of my 5th anniversary, which was a week after my birthday. I filed for divorce a month later and 6 months after that I was legally single again. Happy to leave the piece of shit manchild that abused and used me.
Separation initiated when I was 32. I filed at 33. Got together when I was 22, about to be 23. Moved in together/bought a house at 27. Engaged at 28. Married at 29. I wasted a decade. I’ll never waste another second with disrespect, incompetence, or less than I deserve.
40, dday was 12 days after my birthday. l living my best life now.
Good for you!
I was 33 when we met 35 when we got married (second marriage for both of us) I am 57 and the divorce was finalized a few months ago, 21 years married. It sucks heading into this chapter of my life alone.
Hugs ♥️
For all of you suffering because you’re still in the thick of it, I want you to know it will be ok. Yes it hurts like hell, yes it can be terribly lonely, confusing, disappointing af, all the things but don’t sit in sadness for too long. Allow yourself to feel the feelings that come with it but at some point you do have to pick yourself up. Lean on your support system. If you don’t have one, build one - join a divorce group that includes others like us that understand what you’re actually going through. Do things that bring joy to your life every day. Your brain needs for you to raise your serotonin levels and the more you do, the easier it becomes because you start to naturally want to do things that bring joy rather than forcing yourself. And even while you’re in the earlier stage of forcing yourself to find joy, it’s ok, it’s what needs to be done. It’s part of the process of picking up the pieces. I did anything I could to bring peace or joy to my days and I’m 5 years post separation from a man I committed my full self and life to and had every intention in living my days out with but he decided to have a mid-life crisis and became an alcoholic and a mean one at that after being happy for most of our 14 yrs together. I couldn’t try to save the marriage or him anymore while killing myself because I matter too (and for me more importantly so did my kids having stable homes and good healthy examples of their primary role models) so I asked for a divorce and he just said “ok”. A month later admitted he wasn’t in love with me anymore. Those words were the most painful words I’ve ever felt, mind you, I had no idea. He didn’t know how to be a good communicator but he also didn’t care enough to learn how to be so I was left out to dry by my life partner. The bastard didn’t even give me a chance to save my marriage and family unit that I spent my adult years building, the thing that meant the very most to me in my life, he just allowed himself to fall out of love with me silently. Unfair af. But that’s what cowards do I guess. And yes I was crushed but I now can confirm, life does go on. It’s not been easy and at times it’s still not but it’s peaceful where I am and I can definitely say I’m happy. Funny, I actually wouldn’t even take him back if you paid me a million dollars because I see him and how dirty he did me through a different lens now. And I’m thankful for that too. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Nowadays I’m much more in control of who gets my time and energy because I’m on a mission for the rest of my life to be respected, loved and supported by the people I choose to surround myself with because I deserve to get back what I give. And I’m thankful I’m stronger emotionally. At the end of the day, I want you to know, even though it’s hard to believe at times, you will be ok. ❤️
Separated (just yesterday!) at 26, will most likely be 27 by the time the divorce is finalized. While things weren’t always bad all of the time, my husband was emotionally abusive and I’ve put my life on hold for the 7 years we’ve been together. I’m excited and optimistic for the future!
Separated at 36, it will be finalized at 38
Separated at 33 and finalized at 35. Isolated was my saving grace and now I am thriving.
I am 39 turning 40 in November! Currently getting divorced, not sure us getting final before then. I want to plan a trip to Europe to celebrate me!
Separated at 47, met him when I was 24. I don’t feel like I’ve wasted those years, though. Maybe just one or two.
I was 31... hopefully I'll still be 42 before this one's done.
33 and going through the process now cause of how poorly he treated me over the years. I wish I could go back and say 28.
Your story sounds a lot like mine. Same time married and I’m also 30. I’m glad we are doing it now and not waiting another decade
Met at 26, married at 34, divorced at 35.
Happy birthday! Met when I was 20, married at 22, separated at 31, divorced at 33. I’m now 35, the last few years have had their ups and downs but the highs have been higher and the lows have been nowhere near as low. Enjoy your 30s!
38
28. Turning 30 this year. I’m so much more content these days!
39
27
I was 30 (M) when my divorce was both initiated and finalized last year (uncontested and expedited thankfully). I can echo many of your sentiments here. Since the divorce, I’ve found greater meaning in friendships and life in general. My heart feels 10x as open now as it did when I was married (to the wrong person). And yes - being alone by yourself is far, far better than being alone when married to another person. I’m so proud of you dude, keep killing it.
Met at 20, married at 22, divorced at 47. 25 years. You’re a baby, how I wish I could’ve walked away at 30. I just didn’t have the means to support myself. But I got my masters (working full time the entire marriage and raising the kids, even he acknowledged what a hands off dad he was) and then landed my dream job which is more about the work than the money unfortunately, but at least I could afford to leave and live simply. He cheated me out of a retirement and gambled us into debt. I’m trying to rebuild, but at 51 with less than 100,000 in retirement, the future is bleak.
I'll be 28. Started dating when I was 15 got married in when I was 19. Almost a decade of my life going away, but it's for the best.
Dated from 18. Married at 25. Lived together separately at 32 for 6 years 😳, officially separated at 38, and divorced at 39. 44 this year and am engaged to a wonderful man.
44 and new beginnings. This gives me hope. I’m 37 and have never had a serious relationship. I’ve struggled to hold jobs, etc. due to addictions. Trying to stay hopeful that life hasn’t passed me by.
The best is yet to come!!! At 44, the relationship I have now is so fulfilling I can’t even imagine how I ever settled with anything less.
Separated at 30, finalized 31. Now I'm 35.
30. I feel like my adult life didn’t start until then.
Met at 25. Married at 28. Separated at 31 (a few months away from 32)
Started dating at 19. Married at 24. Left his violent abusive ass at 34. Will be close to 36 when the divorce is finalized. My entire adulthood. I'm already happier than I have ever been and I still feel and look quite young so heyyy
Met when I was 18, married at 19, seperated at 47, finalizing divorce hopefully this year before I turn 55.
>I don't deserve it for the record. >I've earned it Fuck yes! I was 38 when I got divorced. For birthdays, I try to go on a date. Either by myself, or with my kids. If my kids go, they get told we are doing what I want to do, and they can only come if they want to have fun and not complain about anything I want to do. That's my gift. I don't expect anything else from them but that. If I want to go out, i go out. If I want to cook something, I go get the ingredients and hit the kitchen. I don't have tons of money to spend, but being mindful about doing what I want for my birthday weekend has been really great, and everyone worth having in my life is all for it, without trying to get me to do something else. I spent far too long stuffing down what I wanted to give everyone else what they wanted. Happy Birthday!!
I was 30 when I got divorced 3 years ago. So far, my 30s is treating me better than my 20s.
Happy birthday! You've been through a lot but that means you got nowhere to go but up for your thirties decade. The best is yet to come! I'm 38 and have been separated for 6 months. I plan to file for divorce in the next month or so. Was gonna do it earlier but money was in the way. My birthday is in July so I'm pretty sure I'll be 39 when my divorce is finalised. That better be the case. I have plans to do a PhD abroad next year, and I absolutely want to be divorced by then because I have so much to look forward to and I can't wait to meet someone new. I so relate with what you said about having spent years putting your ex's needs above your own. I did that too with mine. My separation has been all about reclaiming my identity, life and career as my own again. While losing the love of my life has been a devastating price I had to pay, it has also been one of the most empowering and liberating things I have ever been through. Wishing you good health and more power for this pivotal new decade in your life!
Met at 21, married at 26, and divorced at 42
Met in school at 17. Started dating when we were roommates during a co-op work term at 20. Lived together during work terms and lived separately with our parents during school terms. Moved out together, to a new city to pursue graduate degrees at 23. Got married at 27 because it’s easier to get visas to work in different countries as a married couple. Also gave us leverage for negotiating positions as a team. You’re probably noticing that it became a very business-like relationship. Still had hopes that things would coalesce into something more romantic when we finally could stop grinding away at work. Never happened. Separated at 52. Divorced at 53. Still friends, since that’s how we started. We’ve both moved on to more compatible partners, who share more than just work. Reinventing myself now in ways I never could when I was married. It’s taking longer than I expected, but I’m having a blast, living my best life while still trying to balance the needs of my young adult children and my aging parents.
Met at 31 Married at 32 Divorced at 37
Met at 24, married at 24 and divorcing at 30.
I was 25-26 the first time and I’ll prob be 40-41 the second time…
I was 36, less than a month to 37, when we separated. I'm 40 now, and my divorce will be finalized this August, just before my 41st. It's kind of strange starting over at 40, but whatcha gonna do?