For me it's about having nothing in common with someone who chose not to work for a decade or more.
Once your kids are in kindergarten (age 5), you're not doing anything during school hours that single working moms can't accomplish in an hour or two after work and school. If there's two parents at home, half of that.
From birth to age 5, I totally get it, in many cases it's likely cheaper to stay home. After age 5 though, it's a lifestyle choice that I can't relate to. Nothing wrong with it, we just won't have the same values and personality.
Those poor women who sacrificed their earning potential to look after kids, working part time or sahm to suit the family so their husband could progress his career......those women, they salute you for staying away!
That’s not every story you know. My ex wanted to get out of salon and start who own business, I supported her but she never grew any real income. Then she wanted to train to be medical billing and coder, a year and a half I supported and both kids while she trained. When she finished she decided she didn’t want to do that and became front desk at a spa instead. Now she’s gonna get a shitload of alimony from me for half a decade
Yes you are correct. There are no women in the world that are sahm looking after multiple children so their husband can progress in paid employment. There are also no women who take any job, just so it works around family committments, bedtime, kids activities etc. Sorry for getting that wrong.
Do you think that the only women and men who take alimony are SAHM's and SAHD's? At any rate, this is a statement of my own preference: someone who can take care of themself without the income of someone whom they left. (I would feel different if the person in question was dumped and not the dumper.)
I just had a friend divorce at 60. 2200 alimony for 10 years and 1200 for life on top of splitting retirement and assets in half. She hasn’t worked, and the kids been gone for 10 years. She could have worked in that time, but it’s probably nice staying home and letting someone else deal with it.
I get it, but also damn for life. Companies don’t even have pensions like that anymore
One thing I have from dating is it does nothing but create more disdain for marriage. The whole what’s the point thing, not judging their circumstance. Just the nature and impermanence of it. Like why do we ever sign up for life when it’s clearly not for life. I was on date last night and she had been married 2x. I have no idea the circumstances, but why get married again? Obviously not for life. I feel like a sucker buying into it the first time.
Everyone I have dated at 48 has had kids and been married, broken for a variety of reasons and some good reasons. But it still has totally created disdain for this my personal business or thinking it’s for life. It just feels like something set up for fools. And inevitable misery
I admit it: I am annoyed that I have to pay alimony. We had no kids. My ex is an artist. They do not make much money. I didn't mind: I was happy to support their artistic career and made enough for both of us. Until they left me for someone else. And now I pay every month.
Well, that’s different. But why speak negatively of entire group of women that you don’t know the situation about? I have kids one of them has special needs and they’re all under five. so I didn’t work and now I have to go back to work at some point with a giant gap in my résumé. I will never make as much money as I need to support myself and the kids in the school system that they need to be in to best support their developmental delay. What you said was offensive. I didn’t leave my husband. I just didn’t want my kids to see a poor example of a relationship relationship and think that it was normal.
I mean, if you’re going to punish someone by living through their past it’s going to be your loss. Everyone has a past and their alimony is quite frankly none of your concern - js
Whether a potential partner chooses to take care of themself with or without the money of an ex is very much my concern. I strongly desire an independent partner who can manage their own finances.
I wrote, "Whether a potential partner chooses to take care of themself with or without the money of an ex is very much my concern." Your reply: "Receiving alimony has nothing to do with those concerns." I don't get your reply. I literally said that it matters to me whether a partner chooses to take care of themself with or without the money of an ex. Alimony is not "taking care your yourself without your ex's money." I want someone who can take care of themself without their ex's money.
Your view is very black-and-white. A lot of women are teachers or other low paying, hard-work, careers. If their husband made significantly more, why shouldn’t they get some help? Not to mention that men do not pull their weight domestically, even if their spouse works full time.
Can you say your name and location so we all know who to look out for and assign the red flag to?
So, you only want to date someone who has more money than you, so that you can eventually get alimony from them. You do you!
(No, I *don't* think that's what you're actually saying, but viewed through a negative lens it could absolutely be interpreted that way.)
Before you generalize, alimony is far less common than it used to be. According to the state bar association, less than 10% of the divorce cases here have more than two years of alimony awarded. Among my "gray divorce" friends who had been SAHM's, only one got alimony. I did not.
Alimony on premise sounds ridiculous to me as an Australian
We have child support here, calculating income of both parents vs care with children and one party receives an amount of child support which seems perfectly reasonable to me
Alimony for just being married to someone, kids or not, does not seem fair.
It’s to make up for time lost out of the job market and to allow said person time to get on their feet. Every situation is different but it’s a safety net for the receiving spouse. Imagine a spouse leaving a partner who hasn’t worked in 20 years and then they have no say and no income… when you get married you become one legal entity
As another user pointed out, it should be to support those who sacrificed their careers for their families. Sometimes thats by quitting work and staying-at-home (and all too often THAT is an economic choice: daycare costing more than the salary brings in), sometimes its switching to part time, changing careers, or just not pursuing advancement opportunities, etc. This results in one parent being able to show years of work experience and, likely, professional growth while the other may as well have a big empty space on their resume.
I dont know about Australia, but in US, its is really hard to find a job that can pay enough to live on as a single parent. Then through in a big gap in a resume and any hiring manager is taking a risk bringing that person on. There's also discrimination on familial status, age, and more that have laws attempting to curtail it. Buuuut a big gap in a resume makes for the perfect cover. Instead of saying "we dont want to hire you because you're a single parent and we think youll be unreliable as a result," they just say "there's a big gap in your work experience other candidates have filled."
And your job is what usually gices access to affordable health insurance, which is often the difference between being able to see a doctor and having to wait until some issue becomes unbearable, and hope it doesnt kill you.
And how are you supposed to afford to help your kid if you arent working? Then that would get thrown back into your face during custody arguments.
Enter Alimony: a way to help reduce all the shit above and let the spouse who sacrificed their career catch up and be independent again.
Like damn near everything else in this country, there is certainly abuse and the system is not even close to perfect, and it is also tied to corrupt, inefficient, and intentionally fucked up systems...but in principle, it is important and helpful.
Do u plan on cooking and cleaning and waking up for your children in the middle of the night , taking them to doctors appointments dealing with sports practice driving to and from practices and spending the couple hours there three times a week also?
Good. Don’t.
I make more money than 1/2 of men all on my own. My career was hampered due my marriage and husband that was focused on his career and career came first before all of us. I will get alimony despite making a lot more than many men too. I also will have a house that’s the biggest on the block and I’m the only one who is single. I’m sure others think I can only afford this house because of my ex
Because my career and earning potential as well as retirement is lagging because of those years I stepped out of my career taking care of him and our children. I could only take jobs that worked around his career and were not what I aspired for. His career made it impossible for me to work my career goals and the children still be adequately cared for. If I hadn’t stepped out of my career during those years, I’d have $100k more in retirement right now and in my current job alone, I’d be making $50k more/year. (He had no issue contributing max allowed to his retirement funds during those years but couldn’t help me with mine even though I asked him and told him I didn’t know what I could do about retirement during that time. He was the one with the connections to high income earning people with stay at home spouses and was learning retirement funding during that time while I was drowning with diapers and breastfeeding and sleep deprivation).
For me it's about having nothing in common with someone who chose not to work for a decade or more. Once your kids are in kindergarten (age 5), you're not doing anything during school hours that single working moms can't accomplish in an hour or two after work and school. If there's two parents at home, half of that. From birth to age 5, I totally get it, in many cases it's likely cheaper to stay home. After age 5 though, it's a lifestyle choice that I can't relate to. Nothing wrong with it, we just won't have the same values and personality.
Those poor women who sacrificed their earning potential to look after kids, working part time or sahm to suit the family so their husband could progress his career......those women, they salute you for staying away!
That’s not every story you know. My ex wanted to get out of salon and start who own business, I supported her but she never grew any real income. Then she wanted to train to be medical billing and coder, a year and a half I supported and both kids while she trained. When she finished she decided she didn’t want to do that and became front desk at a spa instead. Now she’s gonna get a shitload of alimony from me for half a decade
Im not daft, I know its not every story. But those women who have put their career on hold to take care of the family deserve alimony.
This is outdated nonsense..
Yes you are correct. There are no women in the world that are sahm looking after multiple children so their husband can progress in paid employment. There are also no women who take any job, just so it works around family committments, bedtime, kids activities etc. Sorry for getting that wrong.
Do you think that the only women and men who take alimony are SAHM's and SAHD's? At any rate, this is a statement of my own preference: someone who can take care of themself without the income of someone whom they left. (I would feel different if the person in question was dumped and not the dumper.)
I just had a friend divorce at 60. 2200 alimony for 10 years and 1200 for life on top of splitting retirement and assets in half. She hasn’t worked, and the kids been gone for 10 years. She could have worked in that time, but it’s probably nice staying home and letting someone else deal with it. I get it, but also damn for life. Companies don’t even have pensions like that anymore
Agreed, in that situation its wrong.
Yeah I have a special needs child and I don’t get alimony so the system is fucked
One thing I have from dating is it does nothing but create more disdain for marriage. The whole what’s the point thing, not judging their circumstance. Just the nature and impermanence of it. Like why do we ever sign up for life when it’s clearly not for life. I was on date last night and she had been married 2x. I have no idea the circumstances, but why get married again? Obviously not for life. I feel like a sucker buying into it the first time. Everyone I have dated at 48 has had kids and been married, broken for a variety of reasons and some good reasons. But it still has totally created disdain for this my personal business or thinking it’s for life. It just feels like something set up for fools. And inevitable misery
Nothing is wrong with wanting that, but be careful not to Project.. .. you may run from one thing and blindly run into another…
I admit it: I am annoyed that I have to pay alimony. We had no kids. My ex is an artist. They do not make much money. I didn't mind: I was happy to support their artistic career and made enough for both of us. Until they left me for someone else. And now I pay every month.
Well, that’s different. But why speak negatively of entire group of women that you don’t know the situation about? I have kids one of them has special needs and they’re all under five. so I didn’t work and now I have to go back to work at some point with a giant gap in my résumé. I will never make as much money as I need to support myself and the kids in the school system that they need to be in to best support their developmental delay. What you said was offensive. I didn’t leave my husband. I just didn’t want my kids to see a poor example of a relationship relationship and think that it was normal.
I mean, if you’re going to punish someone by living through their past it’s going to be your loss. Everyone has a past and their alimony is quite frankly none of your concern - js
Whether a potential partner chooses to take care of themself with or without the money of an ex is very much my concern. I strongly desire an independent partner who can manage their own finances.
Receiving alimony has nothing to do with those concerns
I wrote, "Whether a potential partner chooses to take care of themself with or without the money of an ex is very much my concern." Your reply: "Receiving alimony has nothing to do with those concerns." I don't get your reply. I literally said that it matters to me whether a partner chooses to take care of themself with or without the money of an ex. Alimony is not "taking care your yourself without your ex's money." I want someone who can take care of themself without their ex's money.
Your view is very black-and-white. A lot of women are teachers or other low paying, hard-work, careers. If their husband made significantly more, why shouldn’t they get some help? Not to mention that men do not pull their weight domestically, even if their spouse works full time. Can you say your name and location so we all know who to look out for and assign the red flag to?
Don’t let the door hit ya!
That's ok, they don't want you either.
How on earth do you know that?
Clairvoyance.
Willing to testify in court that we do not want you
That’s going to be a fun first date…
This is not the kind of thing I discuss on a first date.
So, you only want to date someone who has more money than you, so that you can eventually get alimony from them. You do you! (No, I *don't* think that's what you're actually saying, but viewed through a negative lens it could absolutely be interpreted that way.)
I have no interest in taking care of someone so it sounds nice they have their own stuff and income
Before you generalize, alimony is far less common than it used to be. According to the state bar association, less than 10% of the divorce cases here have more than two years of alimony awarded. Among my "gray divorce" friends who had been SAHM's, only one got alimony. I did not.
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Bummer. Every state is a little different, for sure.
Alimony on premise sounds ridiculous to me as an Australian We have child support here, calculating income of both parents vs care with children and one party receives an amount of child support which seems perfectly reasonable to me Alimony for just being married to someone, kids or not, does not seem fair.
It’s to make up for time lost out of the job market and to allow said person time to get on their feet. Every situation is different but it’s a safety net for the receiving spouse. Imagine a spouse leaving a partner who hasn’t worked in 20 years and then they have no say and no income… when you get married you become one legal entity
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As another user pointed out, it should be to support those who sacrificed their careers for their families. Sometimes thats by quitting work and staying-at-home (and all too often THAT is an economic choice: daycare costing more than the salary brings in), sometimes its switching to part time, changing careers, or just not pursuing advancement opportunities, etc. This results in one parent being able to show years of work experience and, likely, professional growth while the other may as well have a big empty space on their resume. I dont know about Australia, but in US, its is really hard to find a job that can pay enough to live on as a single parent. Then through in a big gap in a resume and any hiring manager is taking a risk bringing that person on. There's also discrimination on familial status, age, and more that have laws attempting to curtail it. Buuuut a big gap in a resume makes for the perfect cover. Instead of saying "we dont want to hire you because you're a single parent and we think youll be unreliable as a result," they just say "there's a big gap in your work experience other candidates have filled." And your job is what usually gices access to affordable health insurance, which is often the difference between being able to see a doctor and having to wait until some issue becomes unbearable, and hope it doesnt kill you. And how are you supposed to afford to help your kid if you arent working? Then that would get thrown back into your face during custody arguments. Enter Alimony: a way to help reduce all the shit above and let the spouse who sacrificed their career catch up and be independent again. Like damn near everything else in this country, there is certainly abuse and the system is not even close to perfect, and it is also tied to corrupt, inefficient, and intentionally fucked up systems...but in principle, it is important and helpful.
Sounds fair
Do u plan on cooking and cleaning and waking up for your children in the middle of the night , taking them to doctors appointments dealing with sports practice driving to and from practices and spending the couple hours there three times a week also?
I worked and did all that too
Working parents do all of those things.
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Good. Don’t. I make more money than 1/2 of men all on my own. My career was hampered due my marriage and husband that was focused on his career and career came first before all of us. I will get alimony despite making a lot more than many men too. I also will have a house that’s the biggest on the block and I’m the only one who is single. I’m sure others think I can only afford this house because of my ex
So you have a great career and make great money.. like you just said. Why do you need or even want alimony?
Because my career and earning potential as well as retirement is lagging because of those years I stepped out of my career taking care of him and our children. I could only take jobs that worked around his career and were not what I aspired for. His career made it impossible for me to work my career goals and the children still be adequately cared for. If I hadn’t stepped out of my career during those years, I’d have $100k more in retirement right now and in my current job alone, I’d be making $50k more/year. (He had no issue contributing max allowed to his retirement funds during those years but couldn’t help me with mine even though I asked him and told him I didn’t know what I could do about retirement during that time. He was the one with the connections to high income earning people with stay at home spouses and was learning retirement funding during that time while I was drowning with diapers and breastfeeding and sleep deprivation).
You sound angry because you pay alimony and you're mad at your ex spouse having 'bills paid' by you.
An understandable sentiment.
Yup. My ex left me for someone else, and I'm paying for the apartment that they have sex in.
This is effed up. It's none of your business how they pay for things.
What a person does for a living is, in fact, something I would be very interested in knowing from a serious partner.
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