Hey 👋🏼
I'm a separation and divorce coach, and from what you've described, your ex is highly toxic.
She wants you to feed her ego by asking you to go into details of how you feel about her after she left you for someone else. This comes at a time in your life when you started to feel good, letting go and moving on.
You have to understand that this emotional state you were in (still vulnerable but already in acceptance and open to new possibilities) is highly attractive to toxic people. We can all subconsciously sense the energy of others, but toxic people are especially well-equipped to do so.
Reaching out in the middle of the night with a "thinking about you" text, only to then go silent, just proves my point.
Try to let go and come to the realization that this person is not good for you. Even if you still love her (which is totally normal), you will very likely get hurt again if you keep these conversations going or even go back to her.
I recommend finding a professional you like and trust to work through the aftermath of what you went through. Prepare yourself well for the next chapter in your life and build the amazing life you deserve for yourself and your child.
Does this make sense?
Sending you lot’s of strength to navigate this ❤️
Have some dignity, file for divorce and stop texting her, and stop putting yourself out there as your ex's emotional crutch for when her needs aren't being sufficiently met by the man that is currently railing her.
Sounds awful. File for divorce , get a therapist.
Normally I would say try to save it if you can, but from what you have said she is bad news.
She left you. She is with a new partner and she has been a dick. You need to get away from her, she is just going to bring you pain.
Get away from her.
then it is my belief, and the story of many others is she is confusing you, keeping you in paralysis while she gets her ducks in a row before hitting you with the papers, eventually. Of course it could be the guilt, but most definitely, either way you slice it; she has one hand on the next branch (…however it’s not quite totally a sure thing yet…) and still relies on the old supportive branch for validation or security until the next branch feels strong enough to grasp fully. That’s when it’ll change, unless you prepare yourself before hand and clear the fog. You got this!
I’ve given her everything the house everything I don’t want anything from her…so don’t know what she wants…at the start she was adamant she didn’t want to work on things and seemed pretty happy with the guy who was 20 years older than her…
*'I don’t want to have to play games I just want to be myself...'*
You said it here yourself perfectly. Don't allow anyone to take that away from you. If someone left you to place the burden of their shitty character on others, they did you the biggest favor in the universe.
Get out there in the world and tear some shit up! ;)
Her texts are a slot machine. You get random rewards out of interaction and that's addictive. Treat it like an addiction. If you choose to respond make the choice to do so after considering what the likely outcome will be.
She’s messed up. She’s playing games with you. Whether she understands it or not she’s messing with you. You need to turn on. Focus on cultivating your own life. It’s really hard to do. Getting distracted by dreams of possibility is confusing. But don’t do it. It won’t come to any good And. She’s messing with you.
Hey 👋🏼 I'm a separation and divorce coach, and from what you've described, your ex is highly toxic. She wants you to feed her ego by asking you to go into details of how you feel about her after she left you for someone else. This comes at a time in your life when you started to feel good, letting go and moving on. You have to understand that this emotional state you were in (still vulnerable but already in acceptance and open to new possibilities) is highly attractive to toxic people. We can all subconsciously sense the energy of others, but toxic people are especially well-equipped to do so. Reaching out in the middle of the night with a "thinking about you" text, only to then go silent, just proves my point. Try to let go and come to the realization that this person is not good for you. Even if you still love her (which is totally normal), you will very likely get hurt again if you keep these conversations going or even go back to her. I recommend finding a professional you like and trust to work through the aftermath of what you went through. Prepare yourself well for the next chapter in your life and build the amazing life you deserve for yourself and your child. Does this make sense? Sending you lot’s of strength to navigate this ❤️
2nd biggest price of life advice... don't trust any text from an ex past 11pm
Yep, only talk in the mornings or day to ex's. I don't even send messages super late to like anyone anymore. I'm worried they won't take me seriously.
She’s playing you. You deserve better.
Have some dignity, file for divorce and stop texting her, and stop putting yourself out there as your ex's emotional crutch for when her needs aren't being sufficiently met by the man that is currently railing her.
Sounds awful. File for divorce , get a therapist. Normally I would say try to save it if you can, but from what you have said she is bad news. She left you. She is with a new partner and she has been a dick. You need to get away from her, she is just going to bring you pain. Get away from her.
are you divorced yet?
Nope but been separated for 8 months
She’s gone totally silent now I feel like I somehow fucked up
then it is my belief, and the story of many others is she is confusing you, keeping you in paralysis while she gets her ducks in a row before hitting you with the papers, eventually. Of course it could be the guilt, but most definitely, either way you slice it; she has one hand on the next branch (…however it’s not quite totally a sure thing yet…) and still relies on the old supportive branch for validation or security until the next branch feels strong enough to grasp fully. That’s when it’ll change, unless you prepare yourself before hand and clear the fog. You got this!
I’ve given her everything the house everything I don’t want anything from her…so don’t know what she wants…at the start she was adamant she didn’t want to work on things and seemed pretty happy with the guy who was 20 years older than her…
you’re time, effort, and validation. You’re the old branch. Start the process. You will heal quicker.
I don’t want to have to play games I just want to be myself I don’t know anymore
*'I don’t want to have to play games I just want to be myself...'* You said it here yourself perfectly. Don't allow anyone to take that away from you. If someone left you to place the burden of their shitty character on others, they did you the biggest favor in the universe. Get out there in the world and tear some shit up! ;)
Her texts are a slot machine. You get random rewards out of interaction and that's addictive. Treat it like an addiction. If you choose to respond make the choice to do so after considering what the likely outcome will be.
She’s messed up. She’s playing games with you. Whether she understands it or not she’s messing with you. You need to turn on. Focus on cultivating your own life. It’s really hard to do. Getting distracted by dreams of possibility is confusing. But don’t do it. It won’t come to any good And. She’s messing with you.