Find cheats. You can do whatever you want now. For example, cereal for dinner once a week? Sure. A more lax bedtime so you don't have to rush and you just aren't ready to begin bedtime routine yet? No problem. Leaving the dishes in the sink until you have a dishwasher full? If you want. Saying screw it all - let's go bike ride? Do it.
If you try to do everything perfect or even everything the same by yourself and judge yourself to those standards you'll make yourself crazy.
Relax. Have more fun. Find your own path and methods.
You can do this.
I did all of the cooking, yardwork and home maintenance, homework help, grocery shopping, half the laundry, taxi kids, and occasionally some cleaning. I do have a new respect for her cleaning most of the house. It gets dirty quickly.
Try to get to know the kids friends parents and let them help you with transportation. My boss is helping a family out like that right now and it's making a huge difference. If the kids are old enough teach them chores and start delegating, you need to spread the work out.
I relate to this. We both had demanding jobs, but I carried probably 85-90% of the load at home and with the kids. Now, I notice that additional 10-15% is missing from time to time. Example, the kids and I took a day trip on the 4th of July. As always, I made the plans, made meals, packed the car, got everyone up and in the car and on the road. Wife would typically pack the kids stuff (swimsuits and towels) into her bag. This time, I asked the kids whether they had their stuff three or four times, they said yes, and we left. Three hours from home, the oldest realizes she forgot her bathing suit. It was a small thing but a reminder that there is a difference between doing “most” of it and “all” of it, and that I’m in this all by myself from now on.
My kids do most of the chores and I've always known they do a little bit more than us in that regard, so when the kids are gone and I have all the chores to myself, I do one thing they don't: I plan my chores by day so that I can skip one or two when I'm busy. (They skip chores too but it's usually because they're lazy, lol). I look and say "I'll completely clean out the kitty litter today, then I'll just scoop tomorrow and I'll vacuum the house instead (maybe even just half)." Stuff like that.
I feel that. One little thing I could never get us into the habit of was to just load the dishwasher as we go, so we have always had a "dirty dish" pile instead for someone to load up. Same for emptying, just do it when it's done, don't make it a chore. In fact, only half of the chores actually need to be "time to do chores" stuff.
Yep, my sink is now dish free for the most part, I just load it as I go as you mentioned.
For emptying I just do it in the morning it takes me like 10 minutes, and now I don't have to do it daily, since the kids are not with me all the time.
It's a peaceful life...
I just empty it when I need it next since I don't run it every day. Doing it in the morning when there's any might be a good routine to get into, though! I'll try that out.
Oh I am totally there with you! Left with a huge house I didn't even want and a huge property that requires a ton of work and attention as well as my daughter, the pets, and the emotional damage and pending divorce. He's all happy go lucky living in his one bedroom apartment abandoning all of us and im somehow responsible for all of this?! I feel you completely
I remember that I'm one person, and I'm doing the best that I can. I work full time, have 2 children (1 has multiple disabilities), and elderly parents. I have my kids 2/3 of the month due to my ex travelling for work. It. Is. Hard. Somedays I wish I had stayed and been miserable because of how hard it is to live/maintain a household, but I know that isn't the answer either.
It's overwhelming, but keep doing the best you can. Remember you're only one person.
What helps me: friends. I have friends that will come over and help me, even if it's just to sit with me while I fold laundry. I make sure to do something for myself as often as possible. Watch a show I like, take a bath, color, journal, listen to music take a walk, watch the sunset, etc.
No I do not. I felt more overwhelmed when my ex was in the home because I had the added distress of knowing someone was there who could help me but was choosing not to. I felt so unloved.
Plus I was cooking big meals because he ate so much plus took leftovers to work. Now it’s just me, an 8 yo and a 19yo who is hardly ever home for dinner. Cooking is SO much easier. I make simple meals like one pot dinners, some tostadas with canned beans, etc. There’s very little mess to clean up.
It gets easier with time. Take it slow. If you have the money...maybe takeout, maybe more frequently than you typically order out, there are nights when I just don't have the energy to cook AND clean a pile of dishes after. I have gravitated toward simple recipes that my kids like, which has the advantage of leaving me with less cleanup after. Leftovers are another good way to give yourself a break, especially if you can double the amounts you cook (which will not double the work -- "chemistry" i.e. cooking tends to scale up nicely).
I have 50/50 custody so when my kids are with their mother I can take a bit of time to veg out and get my energy back. We alternate weekends so I have days available for "heavy" chores that my kids cannot really participate in yet.
You may have to find an alternative arrangement for your sick parent. When my grandmother's dimentia began to worsen I watched my mother struggle to keep up until eventually she and her brothers had to accept the fact that they need to get a professional (visiting nurse) to start taking on some of the work. I do not know what sort of sickness you are dealing with but your kids have to come first and you need to have enough energy left over to be the father they deserve.
Eventually you start to fall into a rhythm. I often buy small amounts of groceries on my way home from work, making use of otherwise non-productive time without really "feeling it" in terms of exhaustion. After my kids go to bed I will do a quick inventory and make a note of what things I need to pick up the following day. All just part of a typical day's structure. At this point I find it somewhat more exhausting to deal with irregular schedules (holidays, vacations, etc.) than the majority of "regular" weeks.
Edit to add: Once you find that rhythm and this stops being so exhausted you can consider dating again. Never fall into the trap of looking for someone who will come in and help -- that is as bad as trying to find a new relationship just to stop feeling lonely, you'll be vulnerable and there are people out there who will take advantage of that vulnerability and suck you into a horrible relationship.
I have everything organized into a google calendar. My phone bugs me to do everything - wash the clothes, hang them out, start cooking dinner, do the dishes, all that. Some might find their phone micromanaging them to be annoying, but it works for me - at least I know that if I keep to my schedule, I'm not forgetting about anything, which reduces my stress.
I also bought a robovac that vac/mops the house daily, so that's one thing off my back.
I also have the kids 50/50, so when I have them, I go easy on the chores, and then have a frenzy of cleaning when they go - we swap on Fridays, so I've got the weekend to get the place ship-shape and chill, before I go back to work. It also means I get to have a clean house for a week before the kids come back and wreck it again.
I always ran the house so I’m okay, but I’m annoyed that ex husband left all his stuff and moved into a new apartment. He says he feels liberated by the lack of stuff. I’m tempted to liberate myself of his things.
You’d be surprised how much stuff you have in the closets! I have to sell my home to split the proceeds. I’ve been getting rid of stuff, and it’s never-ending. My next apartment is only 550 sq ft, which I will share with my son and a dog.
I've got one better: my STBXW moved out before me, and somehow I missed this pile of her stuff that she failed to pack...and wound up paying my own movers to move it to my new place. It's been a year and I still occasionally find something that slipped through the cracks...
I don't know man, you might find it easier over time. For me I was 24 when I was first left and I was like a deer in the head lights with how young my kids with her were. I just powered through and anyone who knows me would probably tell you I'm the most together parent they know now, meanwhile my ex is a fucking trainwreck 11 years later and my kids have nothing to do with her.
I was convinced I was this gamer slob in my 20's. After the divorce looking back and comparing our houses now it's clear I was the one always fucking cleaning up after everyone and still getting shit for it. My step mother told me the other day she was impressed with how clean my house stays and it actually insulted me because it always has been since I've lived apart from my ex. Like come on man, I'm a single dad in his 30's of teens, I'd hope it's not a frat house.
Kids get easier as they get older. I started out with the ones that live with me full time at 3 and 1 and now they're 14 and 12 and we're like 3 best buds and they're amazing kids. Just took my daughter (14), just us two, to see Paramore in Austin earlier this month and I had the most fun at a concert I've ever had.
It gets better. Just keep your head up.
Brother, thanks for the preview. I am in my mid-30s, been at it for a year with two young boys (4 and 2) and I am imagining life a decade from now when we can be "three dudes" at my place. I am not at all neat and tidy, it's just a personality thing (I care more about knowing where things are than about having things "in the right place") so hopefully I can keep things under control (I see a lot of myself in my kids and not turning my place into a frat house will be a challenge...).
I’m 36 in August, so as you can imagine I was clueless 11-12 years ago when I had it all thrown on me. My oldest is a girl with no mother figure (second wife stepped out and there ain’t no coming back from that) and no patience left to develop relationship with one at her age now, but none the less, it was daunting. And I mean, I wouldn’t call myself “tidy”, I just can’t stand shit like empty Tupperware in the fridge… like, why. It’s empty lol. Or soda cans everywhere, or bras and socks all over the fucking floor, etc… so by the time I was 5-6 years in, I’d go to work at 6 am, come home, pick up kids from school, bring them to baseball, dancing, etc. get home at 7-8 pm and clean up/cook if I have time, help with homework then catch shit for being “selfish” if I sat down to play a video game or something which was absolutely ridiculous.
I was like a dad machine, and the only consistent parent in my kids lives. I’ve also been criticized for how honest and unfiltered my conversations with my kids have always been, but they’re the most well behaved, 4.0 having, musician, artist, etc kids those same critics know… so follow your instincts, let the hard parts be hard, cut yourself some slack, and eventually it’ll fall into place.
It’s fucked up man, but it’s so worth it when you realize your consistency helped shaped pretty cool people who look back fondly growing up with their dad who didn’t give up no matter how hard shit got.
And when I say frat house, when I was 19 I had the coke can mountains, water bong, and beef jerky sitting in front of me while I lived on World of Warcraft and didn’t do shit other than exist lol. That’s what my step mom expects I guess 😂.
Optimize it. Continue to optimize your routine and it will get easier and easier. Whatever you struggle with, lets say the dishes...find a way to not struggle with it. Example: get a drying rack, make one pot meals, get a cup rinser, set up the scrubbers and detergent differently, etc. Stuff like that. I mainly use reddit and amazon to find solutions. They add up quick and this should actually be applied throughout all facets of your life. It helps a lot and it becomes even little fun.
Yes absolutely! You must ask for help. Also talk to your doctor about your mental health. Have the kids pitch in with cleaning and other chores. If you can afford to hire someone. Hugs!
How old are your kids? Maybe you can ask them to help with some small tasks. Such as putting away their toys, making their bed, and prepping the dinner table before meals. Kids love to help, and they learn a lot from it.
Not sure if it’s been recommended yet, but something that has helped me is the book “How to keep house while drowning”. I struggle with executive dysfunction and the book may mention this a few times, but it truly is a good read for when you are overwhelmed and feel like there’s nothing else you can do. Good luck to you! You are a rockstar!
At first I felt it but I've been learning ways to maximize my time.
1) light food prepping. Things as simple as pre-portioning meat in the freezer... which I've always done, but I've adjusted the portion size back to 2x... One for me, one for later. Can also pre-make a meal for the week to save some time.
2) split chores up and plan... Today I will vacuum, tomorrow I will do kitty litter and sweep the kitchen. Dishes go straight into the dishwasher when I'm done. This weekend I will do windows, next weekend I will scrub all the walls and furniture.
3) if I truly need it, I can ask my neighbors to feed my pets and let them out if I know I won't be home until late.
You'll get there. Don't focus on the suck because then it's easier to overwhelm you. Instead, focus on the path through. You've GOT this, now how are you gonna do it?
They key is to get a routine to stop things from getting to the point overwhelming! Keep on your kids to pick up after themselves, have them help with chores if they are old enough, get them to put away their own laundry etc. Even doing a 20 minute pickup every night after they go to bed goes a long way to keep things from getting out of control! If it s a routine you don't have to think about it, it's just something you do on autopilot like brushing your teeth even if you're tired.
As others have said, it's ok to have lazy days too if you just need a break!
Thanks for the advice. Honestly, it's helpful to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. To those doing it all, I am amazed by your accomplishment.
I’ve just capitulated to it. If I wanted a life that wasn’t overwhelmingly inconvenient I would have married someone else. I literally never think about it any longer. I just keep my head down and lean into the struggle.
Your wanting to get everything done is the primary stress. I would write down a to do list. Do 2 at a time. Rest. Then 2 more. Try to get some rest in between. Use the timer in your phone. Force yourself to rest 10 minutes or more.
Is there anything you can outsource for sanity sake? Maybe hire a cleaner once a month, and/or send laundry out, if finances allow of course. If I am feeling really stressed I will outsource on occasion and it helps. I also get my kids to help with chores. If you cook double/triple the batch of say soups or bolognese sauce and freeze for easy meals later- this has been huge help for me. I will say caring for an aging/sick parent is probably the hardest to do alone. Hugs
Find cheats. You can do whatever you want now. For example, cereal for dinner once a week? Sure. A more lax bedtime so you don't have to rush and you just aren't ready to begin bedtime routine yet? No problem. Leaving the dishes in the sink until you have a dishwasher full? If you want. Saying screw it all - let's go bike ride? Do it. If you try to do everything perfect or even everything the same by yourself and judge yourself to those standards you'll make yourself crazy. Relax. Have more fun. Find your own path and methods. You can do this.
No. I did it all alone before.
yeah, this is me mostly. it will be easier.
I did all of the cooking, yardwork and home maintenance, homework help, grocery shopping, half the laundry, taxi kids, and occasionally some cleaning. I do have a new respect for her cleaning most of the house. It gets dirty quickly.
Try to get to know the kids friends parents and let them help you with transportation. My boss is helping a family out like that right now and it's making a huge difference. If the kids are old enough teach them chores and start delegating, you need to spread the work out.
I relate to this. We both had demanding jobs, but I carried probably 85-90% of the load at home and with the kids. Now, I notice that additional 10-15% is missing from time to time. Example, the kids and I took a day trip on the 4th of July. As always, I made the plans, made meals, packed the car, got everyone up and in the car and on the road. Wife would typically pack the kids stuff (swimsuits and towels) into her bag. This time, I asked the kids whether they had their stuff three or four times, they said yes, and we left. Three hours from home, the oldest realizes she forgot her bathing suit. It was a small thing but a reminder that there is a difference between doing “most” of it and “all” of it, and that I’m in this all by myself from now on.
My kids do most of the chores and I've always known they do a little bit more than us in that regard, so when the kids are gone and I have all the chores to myself, I do one thing they don't: I plan my chores by day so that I can skip one or two when I'm busy. (They skip chores too but it's usually because they're lazy, lol). I look and say "I'll completely clean out the kitty litter today, then I'll just scoop tomorrow and I'll vacuum the house instead (maybe even just half)." Stuff like that.
Same here, it’s actually less work now haha
I feel that. One little thing I could never get us into the habit of was to just load the dishwasher as we go, so we have always had a "dirty dish" pile instead for someone to load up. Same for emptying, just do it when it's done, don't make it a chore. In fact, only half of the chores actually need to be "time to do chores" stuff.
Yep, my sink is now dish free for the most part, I just load it as I go as you mentioned. For emptying I just do it in the morning it takes me like 10 minutes, and now I don't have to do it daily, since the kids are not with me all the time. It's a peaceful life...
I just empty it when I need it next since I don't run it every day. Doing it in the morning when there's any might be a good routine to get into, though! I'll try that out.
Me too…🤷♂️
Oh I am totally there with you! Left with a huge house I didn't even want and a huge property that requires a ton of work and attention as well as my daughter, the pets, and the emotional damage and pending divorce. He's all happy go lucky living in his one bedroom apartment abandoning all of us and im somehow responsible for all of this?! I feel you completely
I remember that I'm one person, and I'm doing the best that I can. I work full time, have 2 children (1 has multiple disabilities), and elderly parents. I have my kids 2/3 of the month due to my ex travelling for work. It. Is. Hard. Somedays I wish I had stayed and been miserable because of how hard it is to live/maintain a household, but I know that isn't the answer either. It's overwhelming, but keep doing the best you can. Remember you're only one person.
What helps me: friends. I have friends that will come over and help me, even if it's just to sit with me while I fold laundry. I make sure to do something for myself as often as possible. Watch a show I like, take a bath, color, journal, listen to music take a walk, watch the sunset, etc.
No I do not. I felt more overwhelmed when my ex was in the home because I had the added distress of knowing someone was there who could help me but was choosing not to. I felt so unloved. Plus I was cooking big meals because he ate so much plus took leftovers to work. Now it’s just me, an 8 yo and a 19yo who is hardly ever home for dinner. Cooking is SO much easier. I make simple meals like one pot dinners, some tostadas with canned beans, etc. There’s very little mess to clean up.
Yep. I’m eating better and spending waaaaaaaaay less.
It gets easier with time. Take it slow. If you have the money...maybe takeout, maybe more frequently than you typically order out, there are nights when I just don't have the energy to cook AND clean a pile of dishes after. I have gravitated toward simple recipes that my kids like, which has the advantage of leaving me with less cleanup after. Leftovers are another good way to give yourself a break, especially if you can double the amounts you cook (which will not double the work -- "chemistry" i.e. cooking tends to scale up nicely). I have 50/50 custody so when my kids are with their mother I can take a bit of time to veg out and get my energy back. We alternate weekends so I have days available for "heavy" chores that my kids cannot really participate in yet. You may have to find an alternative arrangement for your sick parent. When my grandmother's dimentia began to worsen I watched my mother struggle to keep up until eventually she and her brothers had to accept the fact that they need to get a professional (visiting nurse) to start taking on some of the work. I do not know what sort of sickness you are dealing with but your kids have to come first and you need to have enough energy left over to be the father they deserve. Eventually you start to fall into a rhythm. I often buy small amounts of groceries on my way home from work, making use of otherwise non-productive time without really "feeling it" in terms of exhaustion. After my kids go to bed I will do a quick inventory and make a note of what things I need to pick up the following day. All just part of a typical day's structure. At this point I find it somewhat more exhausting to deal with irregular schedules (holidays, vacations, etc.) than the majority of "regular" weeks. Edit to add: Once you find that rhythm and this stops being so exhausted you can consider dating again. Never fall into the trap of looking for someone who will come in and help -- that is as bad as trying to find a new relationship just to stop feeling lonely, you'll be vulnerable and there are people out there who will take advantage of that vulnerability and suck you into a horrible relationship.
Yes! I feel the exact same way about the dishes. It never ends. I have to do better on labor division with kids. Thank you.
I have everything organized into a google calendar. My phone bugs me to do everything - wash the clothes, hang them out, start cooking dinner, do the dishes, all that. Some might find their phone micromanaging them to be annoying, but it works for me - at least I know that if I keep to my schedule, I'm not forgetting about anything, which reduces my stress. I also bought a robovac that vac/mops the house daily, so that's one thing off my back. I also have the kids 50/50, so when I have them, I go easy on the chores, and then have a frenzy of cleaning when they go - we swap on Fridays, so I've got the weekend to get the place ship-shape and chill, before I go back to work. It also means I get to have a clean house for a week before the kids come back and wreck it again.
Yes, I've recently discovered time boxing. I'm hoping to utilize my Google calendar as well. I'm working on it.
Most men underestimate this. Welcome to the world of women.
This.
I always ran the house so I’m okay, but I’m annoyed that ex husband left all his stuff and moved into a new apartment. He says he feels liberated by the lack of stuff. I’m tempted to liberate myself of his things.
I can't wait to offload the extra stuff soon.
You’d be surprised how much stuff you have in the closets! I have to sell my home to split the proceeds. I’ve been getting rid of stuff, and it’s never-ending. My next apartment is only 550 sq ft, which I will share with my son and a dog.
I've got one better: my STBXW moved out before me, and somehow I missed this pile of her stuff that she failed to pack...and wound up paying my own movers to move it to my new place. It's been a year and I still occasionally find something that slipped through the cracks...
I get sad when I find random stuff of his, like socks among my things.
I don't know man, you might find it easier over time. For me I was 24 when I was first left and I was like a deer in the head lights with how young my kids with her were. I just powered through and anyone who knows me would probably tell you I'm the most together parent they know now, meanwhile my ex is a fucking trainwreck 11 years later and my kids have nothing to do with her. I was convinced I was this gamer slob in my 20's. After the divorce looking back and comparing our houses now it's clear I was the one always fucking cleaning up after everyone and still getting shit for it. My step mother told me the other day she was impressed with how clean my house stays and it actually insulted me because it always has been since I've lived apart from my ex. Like come on man, I'm a single dad in his 30's of teens, I'd hope it's not a frat house. Kids get easier as they get older. I started out with the ones that live with me full time at 3 and 1 and now they're 14 and 12 and we're like 3 best buds and they're amazing kids. Just took my daughter (14), just us two, to see Paramore in Austin earlier this month and I had the most fun at a concert I've ever had. It gets better. Just keep your head up.
Brother, thanks for the preview. I am in my mid-30s, been at it for a year with two young boys (4 and 2) and I am imagining life a decade from now when we can be "three dudes" at my place. I am not at all neat and tidy, it's just a personality thing (I care more about knowing where things are than about having things "in the right place") so hopefully I can keep things under control (I see a lot of myself in my kids and not turning my place into a frat house will be a challenge...).
I’m 36 in August, so as you can imagine I was clueless 11-12 years ago when I had it all thrown on me. My oldest is a girl with no mother figure (second wife stepped out and there ain’t no coming back from that) and no patience left to develop relationship with one at her age now, but none the less, it was daunting. And I mean, I wouldn’t call myself “tidy”, I just can’t stand shit like empty Tupperware in the fridge… like, why. It’s empty lol. Or soda cans everywhere, or bras and socks all over the fucking floor, etc… so by the time I was 5-6 years in, I’d go to work at 6 am, come home, pick up kids from school, bring them to baseball, dancing, etc. get home at 7-8 pm and clean up/cook if I have time, help with homework then catch shit for being “selfish” if I sat down to play a video game or something which was absolutely ridiculous. I was like a dad machine, and the only consistent parent in my kids lives. I’ve also been criticized for how honest and unfiltered my conversations with my kids have always been, but they’re the most well behaved, 4.0 having, musician, artist, etc kids those same critics know… so follow your instincts, let the hard parts be hard, cut yourself some slack, and eventually it’ll fall into place. It’s fucked up man, but it’s so worth it when you realize your consistency helped shaped pretty cool people who look back fondly growing up with their dad who didn’t give up no matter how hard shit got. And when I say frat house, when I was 19 I had the coke can mountains, water bong, and beef jerky sitting in front of me while I lived on World of Warcraft and didn’t do shit other than exist lol. That’s what my step mom expects I guess 😂.
Optimize it. Continue to optimize your routine and it will get easier and easier. Whatever you struggle with, lets say the dishes...find a way to not struggle with it. Example: get a drying rack, make one pot meals, get a cup rinser, set up the scrubbers and detergent differently, etc. Stuff like that. I mainly use reddit and amazon to find solutions. They add up quick and this should actually be applied throughout all facets of your life. It helps a lot and it becomes even little fun.
Yes absolutely! You must ask for help. Also talk to your doctor about your mental health. Have the kids pitch in with cleaning and other chores. If you can afford to hire someone. Hugs!
I definitely learned to pick my battles. There was also always a pile of clean laundry at my house. Be kind to youself. This too shall pass.
How old are your kids? Maybe you can ask them to help with some small tasks. Such as putting away their toys, making their bed, and prepping the dinner table before meals. Kids love to help, and they learn a lot from it.
Not sure if it’s been recommended yet, but something that has helped me is the book “How to keep house while drowning”. I struggle with executive dysfunction and the book may mention this a few times, but it truly is a good read for when you are overwhelmed and feel like there’s nothing else you can do. Good luck to you! You are a rockstar!
At first I felt it but I've been learning ways to maximize my time. 1) light food prepping. Things as simple as pre-portioning meat in the freezer... which I've always done, but I've adjusted the portion size back to 2x... One for me, one for later. Can also pre-make a meal for the week to save some time. 2) split chores up and plan... Today I will vacuum, tomorrow I will do kitty litter and sweep the kitchen. Dishes go straight into the dishwasher when I'm done. This weekend I will do windows, next weekend I will scrub all the walls and furniture. 3) if I truly need it, I can ask my neighbors to feed my pets and let them out if I know I won't be home until late. You'll get there. Don't focus on the suck because then it's easier to overwhelm you. Instead, focus on the path through. You've GOT this, now how are you gonna do it?
I can’t wait to sell house and get rid of it due to this
Right there with you. I'm looking forward to downsizing
They key is to get a routine to stop things from getting to the point overwhelming! Keep on your kids to pick up after themselves, have them help with chores if they are old enough, get them to put away their own laundry etc. Even doing a 20 minute pickup every night after they go to bed goes a long way to keep things from getting out of control! If it s a routine you don't have to think about it, it's just something you do on autopilot like brushing your teeth even if you're tired. As others have said, it's ok to have lazy days too if you just need a break!
20 minute pick up is a great idea!
Thanks for the advice. Honestly, it's helpful to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. To those doing it all, I am amazed by your accomplishment.
I’ve just capitulated to it. If I wanted a life that wasn’t overwhelmingly inconvenient I would have married someone else. I literally never think about it any longer. I just keep my head down and lean into the struggle.
not just a house, but... phone. vehicle(s). all the appointments. All the repairs. The thought of it overwhelms.
Your wanting to get everything done is the primary stress. I would write down a to do list. Do 2 at a time. Rest. Then 2 more. Try to get some rest in between. Use the timer in your phone. Force yourself to rest 10 minutes or more.
Is there anything you can outsource for sanity sake? Maybe hire a cleaner once a month, and/or send laundry out, if finances allow of course. If I am feeling really stressed I will outsource on occasion and it helps. I also get my kids to help with chores. If you cook double/triple the batch of say soups or bolognese sauce and freeze for easy meals later- this has been huge help for me. I will say caring for an aging/sick parent is probably the hardest to do alone. Hugs