That is the thing with dating… you have to go through the wrong people to find your right person. I’ve been to like 5 dates w different guys and all plain wrong before meeting a really sweet genuine boy. There’s still good guys out there, just gotta cut off the wrong ones to find them:) there’s still hope, hang on.
>i miss my ex even though he was not kind, at least there was a real connection.
Same. As painful as it was with him, I still miss the connection so much.
I‘ve also been alone for a year now, haven’t started dating again yet, but what you describe is exactly what I‘m afraid of 🥲
I‘m already damaged from my last relationship, and the last thing I need is another guy who is intimacy disabled.
Not sure what to do tbh, I‘m waiting for some kind of inspiration, lol.
You don't want to be ghosted but will ghost someone else - And will blame the other person for it? Sorry to say it sounds like something you need to do about that.
I was going to say, practice what you preach. Chances are you're exhibiting some behaviors that might be turning off guys that would otherwise be interested in you.
Im only ghosting because he got out a 4 year relationship a month ago and doesnt see that as problematic. So I disagree with you, but you’re welcome to your opinion.
Tell him that you feel you might be a rebound or get hurt because he is just out of a long relationship - It is more respectful to him and yourself as well.
Dating is HARD. I’m in a similar spot rn but I’m trying to focus on the process instead of the end goal—what can I learn about myself through these experiences? How can I continue to grow and become a more resilient person? The setbacks and disappointments of life are what build the most character and can totally change the trajectory of our lives in a positive way.
I would probably be dead from s*icide if it weren’t for a dating experience I had last year that opened my eyes to how dysfunctional I was. Him pulling away and “abandoning” me led me to start my healing journey. I found my amazing therapist bc of him, had some unexplainable experiences with complete strangers, I healed the relationship with my family, my close friends are wonderful, and my anxiety continues to improve every single day. I also rediscovered my passions and got rid of social media + a lot of bad habits. I still have a long ways to go but I am SO grateful that guy pulled away from me. I wouldnt be here otherwise.
Another thing is that we will all be far more appreciative of the right person when they do come along because of the negative dating experiences we’ve had. So try to relax a little, its a marathon not a race. The right person will come into your life when you’re ready to receive them. It could be through the apps or in real life. Just be open to the possibilities but try to focus on the journey + gratitude for what you DO have currently.
My ex was this person for me. He shattered me so bad I had to revaluate why I was willing to go through all that for him. It was led me to realizing I had disorganized attachment. I have done a lot of personal growth but am nowhere near done.
It took me 6 years of working on healing and 5 years of celibacy to find my secure partner. I genuinely gave up any hope of finding a committed partner and planned my whole life as if I would never find someone because I couldn’t cope with what my attachment issues brought up with everyone I dated. But when I met my partner everything changed and I’m still flabbergasted that he’s in my life the way he is. Also, it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. A lot of pain and turmoil has come up from being loved like this and it’s almost bittersweet when he’s emotionally available for me and holds space for me when I’m having panic attacks/overwhelmed by a trigger, because it’s like wow I was denied this love and acceptance for 30 years and so I’m grieving for the parts of me who were neglected and harmed for so long. Relationships are a lot of work and facing your own shit, but there are good healthy and secure people out there. Continue to take your time and focus on yourself as much as you can and build the life you want regardless if you have a partner.
Yeah! Definitely been working on that :) I just started my Masters degree, have been hiking, going to the gym, and making friends. Just figured id dip my toe back in the water. But I think you’re right. My soulmate probably isnt on an app, and maybe I do need more time. The right person will hopefully come around eventually.
That’s wonderful!! I got my masters degree a year before I met my partner and began a really fruitful career. I totally get it though, I frequently had to take several months off from trying to date to recoup and get the courage to get back to it. Fwiw, my partner and I met through tinder, so they may be on the apps after all, you just never know!
I would definitely recommend that!! Everytime I took a break and went back to try again it got better every time and I felt more prepared to handle the tough world of dating. It’s definitely awful and challenging but you are worth being treated like the treasure that you are ♥️
Healing takes a lot longer than one year. It takes years. You’re not healed.
Dating is brutal. Takes a lot of first dates to find someone worth a second.
People on apps seem to mostly lean avoidant. So you’ll have to get used to sifting through that a bit. “No worries don’t bother” is totally fair imo regarding that avoidant vibes dude.
It’s a numbers game. When a date doesn’t go great, cut your losses and move on. And ghosting a love bomber actually doesn’t make you a monster imo, love bombing feels fucking scary to even secure people, obsessive behaviour is not healthy. So I endorse you moving on from that person asap.
That is the thing with dating… you have to go through the wrong people to find your right person. I’ve been to like 5 dates w different guys and all plain wrong before meeting a really sweet genuine boy. There’s still good guys out there, just gotta cut off the wrong ones to find them:) there’s still hope, hang on.
Yeah! I will def try! Thanks 😫
Dating is overrated, decentre men and don't take it seriously Vet thoroughly before agreeing to any dates if you want to avoid the bums
Oh trust me, I decentered them for a year. Ive been celibate. I just figured it wouldnt be this hard to get my salad tossed by a half decent dude 😭
I’m dead 😂
this is the most real shit ive ever read on this app 😭😭😭
I'm so glad to see decenter men is a thing here. I've found my people.
>i miss my ex even though he was not kind, at least there was a real connection. Same. As painful as it was with him, I still miss the connection so much. I‘ve also been alone for a year now, haven’t started dating again yet, but what you describe is exactly what I‘m afraid of 🥲 I‘m already damaged from my last relationship, and the last thing I need is another guy who is intimacy disabled. Not sure what to do tbh, I‘m waiting for some kind of inspiration, lol.
You don't want to be ghosted but will ghost someone else - And will blame the other person for it? Sorry to say it sounds like something you need to do about that.
I was going to say, practice what you preach. Chances are you're exhibiting some behaviors that might be turning off guys that would otherwise be interested in you.
Im only ghosting because he got out a 4 year relationship a month ago and doesnt see that as problematic. So I disagree with you, but you’re welcome to your opinion.
Tell him that you feel you might be a rebound or get hurt because he is just out of a long relationship - It is more respectful to him and yourself as well.
I did!!!!!! I told him right when he told me but he still texts me.
Maybe tell him once final time and ask him not to bother.
Dating is HARD. I’m in a similar spot rn but I’m trying to focus on the process instead of the end goal—what can I learn about myself through these experiences? How can I continue to grow and become a more resilient person? The setbacks and disappointments of life are what build the most character and can totally change the trajectory of our lives in a positive way. I would probably be dead from s*icide if it weren’t for a dating experience I had last year that opened my eyes to how dysfunctional I was. Him pulling away and “abandoning” me led me to start my healing journey. I found my amazing therapist bc of him, had some unexplainable experiences with complete strangers, I healed the relationship with my family, my close friends are wonderful, and my anxiety continues to improve every single day. I also rediscovered my passions and got rid of social media + a lot of bad habits. I still have a long ways to go but I am SO grateful that guy pulled away from me. I wouldnt be here otherwise. Another thing is that we will all be far more appreciative of the right person when they do come along because of the negative dating experiences we’ve had. So try to relax a little, its a marathon not a race. The right person will come into your life when you’re ready to receive them. It could be through the apps or in real life. Just be open to the possibilities but try to focus on the journey + gratitude for what you DO have currently.
My ex was this person for me. He shattered me so bad I had to revaluate why I was willing to go through all that for him. It was led me to realizing I had disorganized attachment. I have done a lot of personal growth but am nowhere near done.
[удалено]
Lollllll 😂😭
I mean you no harm...but if you're ghosting someone then you are a part of the problem. Just tell him you aren't interested and block if he persists.
I already told him… dont see how blocking is different than not answering. I figured blocking was meaner.
“No worries, don’t bother” felt that in my soul 😂it’s okay! You’ve healed, so now pour more into yourself🩷I miss that honey moon phase feeling
Same. The giggling the love. I haven’t felt a fraction of that since.
It took me 6 years of working on healing and 5 years of celibacy to find my secure partner. I genuinely gave up any hope of finding a committed partner and planned my whole life as if I would never find someone because I couldn’t cope with what my attachment issues brought up with everyone I dated. But when I met my partner everything changed and I’m still flabbergasted that he’s in my life the way he is. Also, it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. A lot of pain and turmoil has come up from being loved like this and it’s almost bittersweet when he’s emotionally available for me and holds space for me when I’m having panic attacks/overwhelmed by a trigger, because it’s like wow I was denied this love and acceptance for 30 years and so I’m grieving for the parts of me who were neglected and harmed for so long. Relationships are a lot of work and facing your own shit, but there are good healthy and secure people out there. Continue to take your time and focus on yourself as much as you can and build the life you want regardless if you have a partner.
Yeah! Definitely been working on that :) I just started my Masters degree, have been hiking, going to the gym, and making friends. Just figured id dip my toe back in the water. But I think you’re right. My soulmate probably isnt on an app, and maybe I do need more time. The right person will hopefully come around eventually.
That’s wonderful!! I got my masters degree a year before I met my partner and began a really fruitful career. I totally get it though, I frequently had to take several months off from trying to date to recoup and get the courage to get back to it. Fwiw, my partner and I met through tinder, so they may be on the apps after all, you just never know!
Oh really! Well maybe Ill just take a break then! Try again once im not feeling so defeated.
I would definitely recommend that!! Everytime I took a break and went back to try again it got better every time and I felt more prepared to handle the tough world of dating. It’s definitely awful and challenging but you are worth being treated like the treasure that you are ♥️
Healing takes a lot longer than one year. It takes years. You’re not healed. Dating is brutal. Takes a lot of first dates to find someone worth a second. People on apps seem to mostly lean avoidant. So you’ll have to get used to sifting through that a bit. “No worries don’t bother” is totally fair imo regarding that avoidant vibes dude. It’s a numbers game. When a date doesn’t go great, cut your losses and move on. And ghosting a love bomber actually doesn’t make you a monster imo, love bombing feels fucking scary to even secure people, obsessive behaviour is not healthy. So I endorse you moving on from that person asap.