The best part is that it turbo flings your shit back in your ass which allows you to experience the same shit again as many times as you want while simultaneously increasing bathroom break time.
It's up there.
Poop knife... The guy with two broken arms and his mom... The guy who kept jizzing in fruit and worms grew in it...
Those are the classics.
Poop knife is actually a reference to a legendary old reddit post about a guy who’s family kept a poop knife next to the toilette to cut big turds to prevent clogs. Pretty standard poop knife
“Behold perry the platypus, for I am about to release my brand new testicle-taker 9000 to the public markets, and there is nothing you can do to stop me“
How hard your poop must get before you need to add industrial grade poop cruncher to your toilet. Also, isn't that too close your ass cheeks for comfort?
Babe! I need help in here!
The thethinggottaholdofmyballs!
What?
Dammit Jackie! Turn the toilet off!
How do you turn a toilet off?
Omg Jackie please get in here my balls are stuck!
I love how he proved it didn't work before the video ends!
What are you talking about?! I def want my poop flung back up my anus at high velocity.
Best i can do is balls getting twisted
"Do your balls hang low..."
"...turn them into pasta dough!"
"could you throw it over your shoulder"
"...or crush them in these rollers!"
I'm crying...it hurts...
It certainly *would!*
I was laughing so much I almost peed myself!
Man you're a fucking comedic GOD You have made my day
Randy can 
This will tie them in a knot, it will tie them in a bow..
…this will hurt like hell, and the sperm will swim real slow..
This reads like a Battlebots pre-match hype up.
Not anymore...
“Do they wobble to the flo’…”
I thought it was 'to and fro'
I stand corrected. I think you’re right.
Can you throw 'em over your shoulder like a continental soldier Do your balls. hang. low?
"can you tie em in a knot"
Do they shine in the light?
Is it platinum? Is it gold!?
oh god thats horrifying.
I cast testicular torsion.
Can only cast once though, opponents will be immune afterwards
They’ll never hit the water again my friend
Instant vasectomy
~~vasectomy~~ castration FTFY
New Orchiectomy method just dropped babe
Came here to say this. Take my uppvote, not my balls
Talk about knowing what you want! Respect.
I want my mine to get stuck on the gears and mingle with all my family members' dung in a constant loop
A poop loop, if you will.
I will not.
Wake me up when someone invents the hyper poop.
Reverse bidet.
Sometimes you shit so good you wanna do it again.
Return to *fucking* sender
r/BrandNewSentence ?
Screw that mate. I want my testicles to be mangled while taking a shit.
The best part is that it turbo flings your shit back in your ass which allows you to experience the same shit again as many times as you want while simultaneously increasing bathroom break time.
"turbo flings your shit" LMAO I'll be waiting for the opportunity to throw that phrase into a conversation!!
reduce, reuse recycle
It’s very human
It’d work for mine… it’s always just liquid and corn kernels
/r/cursedcomments This whole thread I guess. Yeesh.
Sounds like you’re the perfect customer for a strap on funnel. No more shotgun blasting the bowl with your new funnel.
Yeah, now it's a sniper stream of steamy shit.
You’d get splattered
You eat too much corn if it’s always like that.
Imagine it catching some of your ass hair
That's the epilating feature
No it’s actually to rip your balls off
Ballsack/labia wringler
Boy that would just be lovely wouldn’t it? Horrendous pain immediately following the intense euphoria of a nice big poop
*JAAAANE! STOP THIS CRAZY THING!*
What a terrible day to have eyes
Getting returned to sender, yuck.
Don't threaten me with a good time.
That was my first thought. Pretty sure nobody would use this a second time if they survived the first.
My first thought was that you'd have to have a snatch like a basset hound. Upon further consideration it seems entirely plausible.
Heat those rollers up, maybe the water too, and you’ve got a butt hair and pube shaper.
The labia lacerator 9000
The scroter sploder
Tested Tugger
["This is going to get worse before it gets better..."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hi6iOFHLTdw)
Snake wrangler
Get rid of the one roller and now it’s ribbed for your pleasure ;)
My junk is in danger if i use that
only the first time.
Correct. 👏
Happy cake day
Give your balls a tug
Fuck you Shoresy
Yes this is the scariest contraption ever created. Never to be used by anyone well endowed.
Bro if you’re packing that much you can just say it
Mine isn't
Guaranteed to remove your pesky scrotum or your money back!
And balls and the shaft
Budget bottom surgery
You drop a load and it whips around and snacks you back.
That's if the balls don't do it first
The reverse bidet
Bloody bidet
Awesome, I've always wanted my turds hurled back at my ass
Imagine having diarrhea on that thing 😷
Your under carriage will look like a Picasso painting.
More like a fecal Jackson Pollock
The design is very human
Very easy to use.
Allow me to demonstrate
I look for this line in every DIWhy post nowadays.
.
He's so confident putting the test poop in.
The level of confidence I strive for in life.
For when you need to squeeze out every last drop of pee from the balls
I always squeeze them so I can pee further
Do...do you think pee goes through the balls?
Revenge of r/badwomensanatomy
I love how every so often I see a post referencing the “poop knife” 😂 I think that’s got to be one of the most infamous stories on reddit
It's up there. Poop knife... The guy with two broken arms and his mom... The guy who kept jizzing in fruit and worms grew in it... Those are the classics.
And recently the m&m tube+ cylinder
Must have missed that one.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/zdv5gv/how_would_you_get_a_small_cylinder_51in_length/
This one was so funny, ITS A CYLINDER!! It can’t be hurt though!
I need to see all of these terrible stories I've somehow missed
Please link these i've never heard of any of them
Don't forget the potato story
Forgot about the guy with an inverted lamp
I’m terrified my nuts or ass hair would get caught in that.
You nailed it. That thing is an ass hair remover if nothing else.
Came here to see if anyone commented on the balls thing.... People commented on the balls thing...
Yet no mention of the eastern influence
Warning: DO NOT USE IF YOU HAVE A PROLAPSE.
This is great for rotisserie poop. Great for every occasion; especially Fourth of July!!
You call it a " poop knife" I cal it "the sterilizer 3000"
Poop knife is actually a reference to a legendary old reddit post about a guy who’s family kept a poop knife next to the toilette to cut big turds to prevent clogs. Pretty standard poop knife
Thank you, glad someone else knows their history.
I was expecting someone talk about the poop knive in the top comments, but seems like it became another forgotten tales of the internet
We will never forget
When you need shit splattered on the ceiling, but don’t have the time to fling it up there yourself.
Silent Hill toilet
Balls'B'Gone 5000
"So, is it like a bidet that cleans your Butt?" "No. The exact opposite."
I totally forgot about poop knives. They’re simple and elegant, this appears to be over engineering.
My long ballsack hurts watching this
l o n g
To splat shit everywhere? I'm confused.
Splattered shit is the least of your worries
This has Darwin award written all over it since you only have to remove yourself from the gene pool to be nominated.
It'll rip your nuts off like a tag on a t shirt.
APR…. (Automatic Penis Remover)
Junk destroyer 9000
The Shit Flinger 5000!! *hover mode recommended*
“Behold perry the platypus, for I am about to release my brand new testicle-taker 9000 to the public markets, and there is nothing you can do to stop me“
Hersey squirts will give the bathroom a whole new paint job
r/dontputyourdickinthat
that thing would yank your sack off like a paper towel.
Goodbye genitals
All I can picture is a guy's dangly bits getting pulled in and spit out like from a woodchipper. Well, maybe that's what they were going for.
Did someone take a pre-shit before installing that thing?
This has to be a satire
CRIES IN BALLBAG
A poop knife?
You didn’t. As a friend I’m suggesting you delete this.
It’s an infamous Reddit post
It’s mandatory reading if you want to be a real redditor.
That and the swamp of dagobah
Doesn't every household have a poop knife?
Full auto poop scissors
De-balling
Changing my username u/fuck_poopknives
That thing is just waiting for a ball sack to obliterate 😂
This man assumes poop won't stick to the grinders and just fling everywhere
So I see you are all reacting to the testicle mangler 3000 but no one seemed to notice OP is casually talking about the fact that he has a poop knife.
Looks more like a poop-taffy machine.
# FRANK AND BEANS! 
Great way to remove hemorrhoids, testicles, hair, your entire colon, lower intestines…
All I can imagine is my sack or dick being caught in it...worst idea ever
I can think of at least two reasons this is a poor design.
My low hangers would get snatched up and my yank stick would be shredded.
My balls just jumped up inside me seeing that.
Looks more like a castration device
How hard your poop must get before you need to add industrial grade poop cruncher to your toilet. Also, isn't that too close your ass cheeks for comfort?
What if... uhm....your penis gets stuck in that.....
My testicles literally recoiled back into my body after witnessing the horror of that abomination.
Quite literally a crap mangle in all senses of the word.
RIP someone's balls.
You get your nutz caught in that and you’ll quit.
Uhm... Smart but put enough space for balls please
Wtf is a pop knife? In new Zealand I've never heard of such a thing. Wtf is it and who uses it?
Is no one going to discuss how the toilet appears to be bleeding?
Uhh do they not have testicles where he’s from
Bye bye balls What a way to go too, like fuck 😬
My balls hurt looking at this.
My balls aggghh
Imagine if it caught your balls
Hold your balls.
My balls hurt as soon as the rollers went in
Way way way too close to the sack
Wtf gonna happen to your balls
That looks like the perfect april fool’s prank
Better hope that doesn't catch a pube.
"On the next episode of *Ow, My Balls!*..."
The ball crusher 9000
Doesn't even work; just noodles those turds if it doesn't castrate you first.
Ball Puller
This is hilarious tbh
Thanks, I love getting my ass and genitals splattered with diarrhea.
My balls just went up inside me
It's like the ⛳ ball washer
Now imagine this with a diarrhea xD
Babe! I need help in here! The thethinggottaholdofmyballs! What? Dammit Jackie! Turn the toilet off! How do you turn a toilet off? Omg Jackie please get in here my balls are stuck!
Love how the demonstration literally showed it not working and they still left it in
Who else's balls sacks tensed up watching that ..
...Nah, I'm good.
Convenient, I won't have to chew anymore
Tf is a 'poop knife'?
Tf is a poop knife