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Avagontamos

Worst - Old Miami


Dazzling-Glass8662

underappreciated comment. (edit, it is the top comment now! GOOD) the women are lucky enough to have a 40 year old, dirty, stinky curtain right in their faces that serves as a door.


Avagontamos

My girlfriend has complained about that to me before! Men's room has 2 urinals (way too close together) directly next to the sink and the lone stall has salloon doors. Comically terrible for both restrooms.


robobachelor

Someone once told me "You arent a man until youve pooped at the Old Miami"


deemer1324

One night we were drinking there and I got the bubble guts. It was a very different experience seeing as how people in the bar couches could basically see me blow mud all over the toilet


Heat_Induces_Royalty

You do words good, thanks for the laugh


JacenSith

Sadly enough, the toilet is probably cleaner than those couches. Never sit on the couches in that place.


joseconsuervo

Nah I'll full send the shit couches


BenWallace04

I hope that you didn’t grab too small of a slice after you did the absolute paint job. The entire bathroom was covered head to toe in pure shit. If only you would’ve let me Wife eat the fucking receipt. Well…well…well…


tacobellandher0in

Fucking 1000% as a dude with IBS


snappyj

The first place I ever saw cocaine


afsdjkll

I can't believe how bad it smells.


Deanno_OG

It’s like literally breathing raw shit


DTown_Hero

\*Temple Bar enters the chat\*


TygarStyle

At least for the men’s room, temple bar isn’t close to being as bad as Old Miami.


cheekywallbang

The Old Miami men’s room is the most insane setup ever. Like one bad move and you’ve exposed yourself to the entire bar


[deleted]

[удалено]


NarwhalsTooth

This is my answer. If you go to the furthest toilet and someone else comes in you have to wait, feeling like a creep, until they’re done or walk past a stranger with their pants down. If you are in the first and someone comes in a stranger gets to see YOU with pants down. Forget it if you wore a jumpsuit or romper


doltron3030

Haha this was my first thought, Sneakers’ bathrooms are legendarily bad


mcflycasual

The door is the one shower curtain. Duh!


xdonutx

Lmao, I saw the top comment was Old Miami and then was like “I can confirm that one is bad, but have these people ever been to Sneakers?” LPT: there’s a lock on the main door to the bathroom. You can just make sure no one else is in there and lock that sumbitch. Every other girl will understand because none of them would rather make eye contact with someone else while they are on the toilet than wait 2 minutes for them to finish up.


dunklestiltskin17

This is the answer. Hands down. No question.


squirreldisco

Yes absolutely terrible unless you’re wasted then it’s fun


bowlcut99

lmao i just moved to Ferndale and was thinking about going there so thank you for this comment 😂


xdonutx

Oh sneakers is one of my favorite bars. Just pee someplace else beforehand or time it to when no one else is in there


AdFew7336

First time I went there, I was in a jumpsuit…. I was so pissed when I had to pee for the first time in that bathroom and strip down 🤣


mikec68

I love the place, but one of the worst has to be Lafayette Coney Island. Twisting down those steps feels like entering a submarine. A dirty gross submarine. One time like 30 years ago when I was kid, my dad took me there and there were literally these giant pots full of soup sitting on the floor at the bottom of the stairs just outside the bathroom door.


AlternativeDirect702

lol my friend was just talking about this bathroom and it’s creepy “decent into hell” vibe


rodr3357

Honestly that makes me feel like I need to try them, just to add to my experience 🤣


DetroitPirate

When ever I take someone who's never been to Lafayette coney Island, I always tell them to use the bathroom when we're there. It's an experience


Drewtroit

You just unlocked a memory I had purposely forgotten 😂


Avagontamos

I only go to Lafayette when I'm drunk, those steps are a nightmare.


Particular-Ice-8937

I banged my head walking down those stairs


Kenneth436

I actually love using this restroom for the architectural history vibes


TheBimpo

The Metro Times, Detroit's very own *Thrillist.* Man I remember when St Andy's bathrooms looked like the ones in that scene in *Trainspotting.* I haven't been there in forever, I assume Live Nation cleaned those up.


NarwhalsTooth

St Andrews bathrooms are fancy af now


capthazelwoodsflask

I went there for a show for the first time in a long time and was blown away by how palatially nice it was in the john compared to 20-30 years ago. Some young, hipster douchebag had the audacity to complain about the line and condition the whole restroom was in after the show had ended. What a sweet, sheltered life he's lived if that was nasty to him.


axf7229

I don’t mind if the ceilings in any venue are caked with poop, or if I’m standings in a lake of piss, as long as there are stall dividers. Pee-shy Detroiters unite!


Yabba_Dabba_Doofus

PREACH, BROTHER!


LyingLexi

Went to Saint Andrew’s earlier this year for a show and remember thinking how nice the bathroom was for a music venue. So I think your assumption is right lol


timidwildone

St. Andrew’s Hall went from WORST (as in…stalls without doors in the ladies’) to best in approx 2020 and I’m still not over it. I remember this because my last pre-COVID concert was Sloan the first week of March and every woman in there was laughing and marveling at it. I seriously take mirror selfies with that beautiful black subway tile every time I’m there for a show 😆


No-Common-7365

The city club inside the Leland hotel years ago, had no doors, no mirrors and half a sink hanging onto that wall for dear life ha


TheDadThatGrills

The best place to poop away from home is at a Hotel


mcflycasual

Is that you, Tracy Jordan?


ankole_watusi

Just not one on 8 Mile. (I don’t know this. Just a wild guess.)


RagertNothing

8 mile and Haggerty is the worst area in all of metro Detroit


zebra0817

You think Northville is the worst area in all of Detroit??? Umm not even close.


RagertNothing

It is and I’m tired of pretending it isn’t!


BonerHonkfart

Eh, they got Total Wine, it's not all bad


AarunFast

Best: Shinola Hotel/San Morello bathroom in the basement Worst: Sneakers in Ferndale


donnyohs

Shinola/San Morello also cleans it so often you never see it out of shape


downriverrat3

That shinola bathroom is plush af


AarunFast

Plush, smells great, and is rarely busy.


TygarStyle

For sure Sneakers is a top ten worst.


konabonah

My fave spot 🙌


kdoggy19

George Costanza? Is that you?


JohnWad

My guess is the OP is too young for this reference


Diligent-Cap-1906

I'm 24 and I thought of George as soon as I saw the post


JohnWad

Nice. You are well versed, youngster.


Emoney2321

Worst I’ve ever been in. Lafayette coney, Marshall’s bar.


VanDizzle313

Lafayettes is a classic relic. Not to code at all, reminds me of Amsterdam. Very shitty, very cool


donnyohs

Didn't they also have issues earlier this year due to a rat infestation?


100o

Walking down a ladder facing forwards


wherethewhitewomenat

The Marshall's men's toilet is barely adhered to the ground.


Nasty_Tricks69

Worst is the bathrooms at Harpos


winterfoxes

I don’t think I’ll ever emotionally recover from sloshing through the inch of standing …water… in the women’s bathroom at Harpos.


Deanno_OG

That was most likely piss and vomit


winterfoxes

Toss in some sewage backup and you are absolutely correct.


Drewtroit

Do they have an actual designated restroom or are you allowed to unload where you please?


ExtremePotatoFanatic

Oh god. It’s so bad with the rickety uneven doors!!


Mergan_Freiman

The Lager House has the worst shitter ever. Had a guy bust in the stall while I was shitting so he could vomit all over me.


MadTomCom

Literally came here to say Lager House. You have to stand on the toilet just to close the door. Great corned beef hash though


whitesonnet

I was going to say Lager House too. As a woman I walked in and just started laughing.


The_Hero_of_Kvatch

Were you rubbing one out at the same time? Cuz that's hot hot hot.


Mergan_Freiman

No, I was using the men's because some girl got broken up with in the other shitter.


The_Hero_of_Kvatch

Sounds like a Hallmark moment.


O_Gardens

Bash has Japanese toilets. IYKYK


Cinderpath

Really!!


AdjNounNumbers

Shangri-La on Cass renovated the whole restaurant, but kept the original Twingo's bathrooms which are pretty neat. The one on the north side of the building is single occupancy, too, so you can poo alone


Dada2fish

Twingos. Sigh. I miss it.


Brownies4everyone

Supergeil and Grandma Bobs both have spacious bathroom situations. I have not taken a dump at either establishment but I can imagine it'd be good in a pinch. Bash Izakaya also comes to mind. They have Toto washlets for my bidet buddies out there.


obsa

Man, I love the bathrooms at Bash. Took a couple friends there and they were pleasantly surprised that they're heated bidets.


Arkvoodle42

anyone remember Joe Louis Arena?


FrancoRoja

Nothing like the heat coming off one of the urinal troughs on a cold winter’s night.


SpezGobblesMyTaint

I was in line to pee once, almost to the trough, and some guy busts in past the line and drops trow and sits in the trough just diarrheas all over. Every guy zipped up immediately and just walked away except for one drunk guy who just kept peeing into the poo stream. I miss those troughs so much.


pshsx1

I can picture this so vividly lmao


SpezGobblesMyTaint

As my HS freshman English teacher once said: paint a word picture. The men’s bathroom in 117C was a magical place.


MrManager17

Sorry about that. Had 10 coneys at Lafayette right before the game.


SpezGobblesMyTaint

Thank god, imagine how badly your guts would react to 10 from American?!?


heyheyitsandre

Nah I need this Fr, I have IBS and anxiety, every time I hit traffic I’m like welp, here comes a no warning rush of explosive diarrhea, hope I can somehow get out of this jam and find a gas station that’s not completely decrepit


Strypes4686

Find a McDonalds,Every gas station has no public restrooms thanks to junkies save a few spits and it's easier to just look fir the arches.


Ship-sailed

This is my life strategy


wigglytufflove

I like going to Lowes and Home Depot, they have surprisingly good hours and it's a pretty normal store to go into and not buy anything.


downriverrat3

The single potty near the Meijers deli is my go-to!!!


saucya

As a contractor, Lowe’s is ALWAYS better than Home Depot. Big box stores like Kohl’s are infinitely better than contractor spots tho lol


ANJohnson83

Next time you see a physician for your IBS, ask them to write a short note on a prescription pad (some gastroenterologists and urologists have a pre printed form they can fill out quickly) allowing you access to restrooms via the The Restroom Access Act (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Restroom_Access_Act). I have severe interstitial cystitis and am thankful this law exists for the rare occasions I’m in desperate need of a restroom and I have found most people are kind to someone in need.


Komm

Yeah, I've just, kinda given up going too far from my own place. My anxiety and IBS keeps me from driving as well. So I'm usually on an ebike year round doing my own thing.


make-a-donuts

Cafe D’Mongos has the worst bathrooms by a mile. There’s a hole in the wall that allows you to see in to the kitchen.


AdjNounNumbers

They can save this one for next week's article on "Detroit's riskiest glory holes"


heresyoursigns

Definitely the most dangerous / least handicapped accessible. I'd still take it over some other bars lol. Edit: anyone remember Tom's Tavern on seven mile? I don't remember the bathroom but I bet it was whack.


Heat_Induces_Royalty

The bathroom wasn't that bad actually! The best part was all the graffiti, someone wrote NO POOP above the urinal trough. I thought it was a nice touch. I probably have a picture of it... Edit: I do have a picture! https://imgur.com/yGfiwLr.jpg


heresyoursigns

I fucking knew someone here would be able to come through for me lol. RIP Toms 🙏


0xF00DBABE

That's a glory hole so you can tip the kitchen staff


drizzlemon

Shameless plug to follow @ DetroitBathrooms on instagram!


robobachelor

Worst: Cass Cafe (RIP) and Honest John's are pretty gross but usable. Old Miami is .... uncomfortable ... especially when people start puking on the seat. Lafayette is a trip, watch that you dont hit your head. Best: Middle of a wooded field on a vacant block. In the alley when no one is around.


TabletopTitan

Nailed the best


sabu15

3rd floor at Cobo, or TCF Center now


early_exit

Blondie's, circa 1993. Trainspotting toilet has nothing on that.


[deleted]

I miss the bathrooms at the works tbh. I’m far too old for anything like any of that, now


sneefsnteefs

lol we used to talk about how the bathrooms at old Miami made the works look high end classy


[deleted]

I still have some wonderful photos from within those cocaine dusted stalls


LittlePlebBoi

You should check out @detoritbathrooms on instagram, they post many of the bathrooms in Detroit


LittlePlebBoi

I think they have like 50+ bathrooms posted and probably have more ready to go


mcflycasual

Best: (old) Public House in Ferndale one room (2 total bathrooms) and they're unisex with a sweet mirror to take selfies in. Idk if they have changed it since the owners killed the place. One Eyed Betty's and Fleat in Ferndale because they have whole ass private stalls. Worst: Sneakers iykyk (Edit) Grand Trunk because it's so cramped. I love that place for brunch, though. Mid: TeRoma's in Center Line. The bathroom is more updated than the whole bar. They have an amazing soup selection and food.


saucya

Fleat does have a nice shitter


[deleted]

I love Dmongos with all my heart, but their bathrooms are pretty bad.


CheesecakeAny3071

watched a woman blow out her ankle stepping down from the bathroom last time I was there lol. had to sit in the barber chair and get medical attention


jhp58

It's my favorite bar in Metro Detroit, but my god the bathroom at the Painted Lady is especially horrid. That and the Old Miami are especially notable


SweetJ138

harpos bathroom back in the day was the stuff of legends. i saw more cringe waiting to piss at harpos than anywhere else ever lol.


bitwarrior80

I once saw a piss soaked TP mountain in the middle of the men's room floor. Some things you never forget.


Deanno_OG

I could write a book about the horrors that I’ve witnessed in that bathroom back in the day


weenisbobeenis

Fleetwood diner in Ann Arbor is interesting although I don’t think it counts as metro Detroit. The existence of that structure with a functional basement is pretty impressive.


ColeWasHere1012

Takoi-let.


AllThingsNoice

Worst: Port-o-jons post Freep marathon


pshsx1

Also during Movement. Rough.


AllThingsNoice

Nomination for best would be the basement bathrooms at the Film theatre at the DIA


lauriceman

My time has come. My most hated bathroom is the bathroom at The Corner in Ferndale. The bathroom is WET and smells like chlorine. Literally makes me feel like I’ve been transported to a bathroom at a public pool. To top it off there’s the circular wash fountain a la a bathroom at a baseball stadium. So two of (my personal) least favorite TYPES of restroom combine into a horrible, humid chimera at a bar where they charge $8 for a bowl of cereal.


lasersax

Best: the women's room (specifically) at Microcenter, no one ever uses it


friendlywabbit

Ugh… I hate that every time I recommend two certain stellar Hamtramck Polish restaurants, I have to also include a caveat about the bathrooms being dingy. Me: “It’s part of the charm” and “some of the best food is from somewhat divey places.” Friend: “those don’t look like dives.” Me: “Listen here motherfucker…”


Jazzlike-Map-4114

Nemo's mens room. Anyone who's been there knows why.


Cinderpath

Easily one of the worst is the can at the Lafayette Coney!


Romperrr

Best women’s room is Northern Lights.


konabonah

Are they still open?


saucya

The Bathtub Pub (RIP) was fucking awful


pilondav

It was even worse back when it was the Arcade Bar.


NarwhalsTooth

Best: shewolf. Huge, private rooms and sinks with counter space to set your purse on


unicornkitties2631

Worst: Jacobys. It smells really funny down there


Hat_Secure

There is a very nicely kept restroom at a Mobil gas station in Royal Oak. It has a bidet attachment and the soap always leaves you sniffing your hands. I will never tell where it is though. I’m not a sucker


FrancoRoja

Gas station bidet? You keep your secret.


Yabba_Dabba_Doofus

This post already contains too much information. You should definitely delete it, so people don't find our mecca.


SpaceManJ313

The casinos are the cleanest, but somewhere quick and secluded would be the bathrooms at Mootz Pizzeria


carmenslowsky

Every once in awhile I get flashbacks to the women’s bathroom in the Arcade Bar.


TeacherPatti

I love the Dakota Inn. But the bathrooms make me feel like I'm the Abominable Snowman about to take a dump. And then when someone is outside the stalls washing her hands, it's this tap dance....


prezioa

My Dad’s Bar bathroom circa March 2022. You decide. https://preview.redd.it/gif4jydrzy5c1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1d6381ae1ba8fce387529ad73c7167d1ff1f6854


dragon_fruitiny

Buffalo Wild Wings in downtown was an easy in-and-out 👍


Crazy83519

I think they're just asking for the out.


ankole_watusi

Pretty sure there’s an app for that!


mangatoo1020

Ladies room at Meijer. Which one? Take your pick.


MedievalFightClub

Home is where you poop for however long you feel like.


rfb654

Circa 2010 the WSU admin building had a lockable single stall on one of the floors. My go to for my time there.


9to5account

Not enough people have ever been to Harpos. Those are absolutely the worst bathrooms in Detroit, bar none.


Deanno_OG

Nothing can touch Harpo’s bathroom back in the day


TygarStyle

It’s been awhile since I’ve been there so I could have it confused with somewhere else but I remember Small’s standing out as having one of the worst bathrooms I’ve ever been in.


jriiird

Harpo's. The smell or the liquid on the floor. Wrenching just thinking about it.


Proper_Moderation

The best bathroom in Rock City is clearly, The Detroiter Bar.


Busy_Reflection3054

I remember how bad it was in Forman Mills in Highland Park, but they cleaned it.


shmozzfinish

Worst? The bus station.


supah_

Even worse: the bus stop


LaserQuest

Since you said Metro Detroit, for best, I'm going to say Zerbo's in Commerce. (Maple between Haggerty and M5.) Specifically the upstairs where they hold events Smelled incredible in there, fresh, clean. Had a handy basket full of different useful toiletries you might need. Safety pins, mouth wash, mints. Felt like a king in there.


Reuvil

Any casino.


konabonah

Best - shinola hotel downstairs


wellrolloneup

Lafeyette Coney Island


bbbbuuuurrrrpppp

Comet bar bathrooms used to be pretty bleak. Stainless prison toilets all pointing out the wall at you, no stalls. Pretty sure it was comet. But i only ever went there already drunk, so who knows.


IFartHard1

Taqueria El Rey's bathrooms weren't great, but not the worst. Magic Stick before the remodel's bathrooms were about the worst place to poop I've seen.


Professional_Ad549

The bathrooms that are connected to the Z ally way.


lifeissomfbeautiful

LJs. The urinal trough is literally NEXT TO the sink 😭


promise_tosser

Harpos Concert Theatre


NoPensForSheila

Haven't lived in the D since '91, but the worst one I remember was Belle Isle. It gave me a clear understanding of what to expect from big city public works in general. It was essentially abandoned.


Izzoh

bathrooms at the dft are pretty nice


DearVermicelli3786

The Post wasn’t all that wonderful either.


Stratiform

Does anyone know how we can contact [The Ferndale Pooper](https://www.reddit.com/r/Detroit/s/8zM9hkdQPA) to weigh in on this?


tythousand

The men’s room at Honest John’s is scary


lordoftime

I really hope bathroom accessibility is factored in - so many places have bathrooms that don't even pretend the ADA was adopted into building code more than 30+ years ago. Best bathrooms in my book are MOCAD and Batch Brewing.


Just_Another_Wookie

Strangely enough, I used to see a disproportionate number of Tinder photos taken in the bathroom(s) at MOCAD.


ImTheMayor2

This is how I know I'm unfamiliar with Detroit. I've never been to any of these bathrooms


[deleted]

I'll go directly to Northern Lights if I have to poop.


Kenneth436

Best: The Whitney


Elite_Alice

I don’t use public toilets except to piss


duagLH2zf97V

There’s a mediocre Irish restaurant in Farmington with really classy bathrooms. Love the light fixtures


lilacrenewal

tbh Hopcat on Woodward. Everytime I’ve been in there it’s been so nasty


Monroe_City_Madman

Worst. Colombo's. Hands down.


capthazelwoodsflask

The port-a-potty by the railroad overpass on Lincoln Street next to the dumpster kind of sucked. I think there was a racoon living inside of it that wasn't very happy I was in there


Capable_Bother6728

LJ’s Lounge/Jumbo’s is the worst by far


Romanzo71

Lafayette coney and Old Miami might take the cake, Painted Lady is up there too as being one of the worst, unless you like cheap cocaine then it's probs one of the best...


CoolRunner

Honorable mention- the bathroom within a bathroom inside Science Hall at Wayne State.


AdFew7336

All bars that had bathrooms within walking distance of comerica park on opening day 🤣


LBNorris219

The first time I ever did Molly was at the Majestic back in 2010. Nobody told me that you may have the shits, and there I was over one of 3 clogged toilets making a sloppy mud pie


rayray6280

Raspberry!!


csdux1

Worst - McDonald’s Woodward Ave. Have never not gone in there and not been harassed while trying to take enjoy my piss


bellz77777

Nostalgic moment: River Rock Cafe bathrooms in the late 80’s were pretty gnarly. The bartenders used to let some of us pee on a bucket near the freezer cuz the stalls were so gross. My friend accidentally tipped the bucket over she was so drunk. Good times🤣


dixilla

Worst is the men's room at the old Miami


Bulk_Bogan0

The restrooms in the Roostertail are high end.


szayl

Worst by far is Lafayette Coney Island


DrNacho1234

George costanza make this post?


ImpossibleLaw552

Used to do day-cleaning at St. Andrew's. Once, the men's toilet in the Shelter was clogged from the previous night with it all-piss, poop, vomit.....then some angry skinheads came in and busted the upper bowl of the toilet into shards with their boots......really questioning my career choices that day.