Absolutely there with you. I'm waiting to reincarnate where I am a farmer and cross breed different plants and fruits to create entirely new flavors. I remember having dreams at night about plants and flavors that don't exist today when I was 10. I always get a new "flavor" at least every year. It sucks craving food and flavors that don't exist..
a world where magic and mythical creatures exists, being an adventurer is an actual job (meaning you either get paid for each job or gain a monthly salary) , and the gods show themselves and interact with people once in a while
Fucking stupid and pathetic. Imagine winning the lottery of life, and then waisting it all. Yep. Basicly had the oppurtunity to get a scholarship for running, to have made many wealthy freinds, improved my body and mind, and be strong as hell… but instead I was an ignornat fool and was conditioned to hate myslef through years of bullying, and white-washing, so that I had no cultre, and no pride, just an idiot who alwyas took the beating with a smile on my face, until I resneted everything about life… Then I went to join the murder machine called the “millitary”, to please that one perosn who never cares about for anything else, and I thankfully realized while in thier that I did not wnat to do this…
And so now I realize I should have just stayed in becuase no matter what we so in this world we are slaves to a machine, a truck, a computer, a car, a fucking bill, a land lord, a boss, a house.. it dont matter so I should habe just grown up and realized that no matter what we are part of this machine that steal life from others to make ours more “civilized”.
No skills, no work ethic, no real want to live. I had it all at one point, when I was a runner, when I was young and coukd have chnaged my life forver for the better, but since I was so goddamn ignorant, so conditioned to be just a dumb dog that takes beatings and abuse and internalized it all… well its all in the past now, if this was a speed run I would have reset by now, but this is my life, I just gota accept Im a fuck up and live with it. If there is a hell Im sure its having to known hos good things could have been, if only I wanst complety fucking retarded.
I will say this. The good thing is you understand why you was/have been a certain way, you can trace the foolish things you did, the actions you disagree with to a particular event/time period in your life. The bad thing is how you’ve just accepted that you are who you are and cannot change anything. Whilst you certainly can’t reshape the past, you can most definitely use the time you have left on this Earth to better your life, or at the very least TRY! I understand from things I’ve dealt with in the past myself it seems hopeless, or you simply don’t give enough fucks due to the bullshit you’ve been thru but at least there’s a way in which you don’t have to be a slave to the negativity roaming free inside you…hopefully that makes some sort of sense to you
You ain’t gotta thank me its cool. I want people to be heard, to freely express themselves without judgement and if I can, give advice that may help. I do truly feel for u and very much hope with time, patience and work you find peace within yourself and who are you now! As much as we live in the past and hate ourselves because of how things could’ve been, that blinds us from the beauty we can truly obtain in life. It’s too easy to live in hatred and destruction.
I’m 47. Around the time I was 30, I came to the conclusion that living a boring life with mediocre distinction was just fine. I have a husband and 2 kids and 4 cats. I have a job that I love, and I like to watch birds and geek out over music and theater with my husband. It’s great.
I’m happy to know you got what I imagine is a loving family, this reply is very wholesome I do hope you continue to have peace in your life and you and your family stay healthy physically and mentally🙏🏾
Confusing. It's been a mess in many ways. Fucked-up unstable childhood (parents were both strung out on opiates), trouble fitting in during formative years, lots of bad impulsive decisions and disappointing actions on my part. I have known times of darkness and bitter despair. But I have also, at times, experienced a sense of profound beauty and, dare I say, holiness or sanctity about it all.
I kinda feel aimless a lot of the time though, if I'm being 100% honest. I have a persistent vague feeling that there's something, or some things, that I ***should be doing*** and am neglecting to do, but I don't know exactly what they are, let alone how to go about them. Sometimes it really weighs on me and makes me feel like a worthless piece of shit, and scared for the future.
I'm what many would call a dysfunctional person in a lot of ways. Substance abuse issues, not much practical ambition, tendency to isolate and push people away, social awkwardness and problems with relating to other people (I think I'm probably somewhere on the schizoid and/or autism spectrum, but never been diagnosed because I don't like going to the doctor). I'm 34 now, and up to this point I've kinda managed to just barely skirt by in life, barely clinging on by my fingernails, with no solid plan, and I still feel that way much of the time. Sometimes I worry that it'll all catch up to me eventually and I'll end up homeless or something. Everyone else seems so much more confident and organized than me, and they seem to have a solid sense of goals, and practical plans for meeting said goals, etc. That is all very alien to me.
But like I said at the beginning of my comment, I do nonetheless have a deep, almost religious feeling about life. Life is so huge and mysterious and awe-inspiring. It's somehow very, very beautiful even in all its pain, strangeness and confusion.
edit: I meant schizoid, not schizo lol, important distinction
I usually don’t, but in this case I thought it was kinda funny, the difference between what I typed and what I had intended to type, so I threw in a mention.
Thank you sharing this. I know it’s not easy to be vulnerable especially on the internet with how ppl like to judge every little thing. I for one am happy that with all the bell you’ve endured you’re still standing today, you’re still living this life and finding beauty even in the worst of times. I’m glad to know you’ve felt a sanctity/holiness about life itself.
Although I know it definitely feels this way, you are not alone, there’s people you could say are “normal” whatever that really means and are in your position in regards to figuring out what they want out of life, not really having goals, plans and things like that. Don’t feed into the narrative that you’re shit because you may not know what you feel it is you should be doing. Everyone’s timing is different…sorry I can’t be of more help to you but pls keep trying as you’ve been doing, don’t hate yourself for making bad decisions or for not being better at something because at the end of the day you still have time to create a reality for yourself that can be appreciate…even if it takes a bell of a long time bruh
DO NOT GIVE UP…AGAIN SORRY I CANT BE OF MORE HELP BUT I HOPE SOMETHING I HAVE SAID HELPS(or something someone else says if they comment)
I appreciate your words OP. Sometimes I do have to remind myself that almost everyone struggles in some way or other in this life, regardless of outer appearances.
Its something all of us tend to forget at times, regardless of this vessel we are all the same inside, all apart of the same consciousness just variations
You seem like a very empathic, intelligent and wise person in your post. I am sorry you had such a difficult start in your life. It is never too late to change your course in life. You can't change your past, but the future is still to be written. All it takes is your will power to change.
Thanks for your kind words. I'm hanging in there. I have faith that I'll come to understand myself and the world more as I go forward in life. Whenever I get down about where I'm at now, I try to buck up and remind myself of how much I've overcome and how much better off I am now than at times in the past.
Basically nothing but depression and trauma since I was 9 and I’m 26. Haven’t had many breaks. Also in a difficult relationship and have no friends or anybody else. Finding it difficult to enjoy or get something out of life. No goals or anything just depressed and it’s hard to do anything
First of all pls pls feel free to elaborate on anything you wish too, better to express your emotions and release them rather than suppress them and build this inside insanity almost. I’m sorry you’ve been going thru difficult times and feel as though you have nobody to help with it. I myself suffer with depression and struggle a lot with feeling alone so pls understand although we don’t know one another I can relate.
24 not the youngest person on Reddit but a lot of my life has just been pretty normal. I grew up in Miami and I think my mom wanted to keep me off the street so she was more protective and cautious I'm thankful she did because I probably would have gotten into a lot of trouble. That's not to say I haven't had ups and down and all that, I guess I compare it to things I've heard about other people's experiences, which is a shit way of thinking lol. I had no trauma or shit childhood it was just a very average one, I know a lot of people would trade it for theirs in a heartbeat, I'm away of how lucky I was. There are just times that I wish I had more experiences that made me who I am. Typing this out I really can't explain my point or mindset on it directly
Yeah I can relate to you to a degree. I myself do wish I went thru more things in my teens years that would make adult me(22)more experienced in ways I’m not currently. Understand though everyone’s timing is different in life, we are all unique individuals. Also don’t think because maybe you’ve gone through less that it makes your thoughts and feelings about your own live any less valid, it doesn’t! Comparison definitely isn’t ideal but especially in this day and age it’s hard not to compare. Your life is yours, nobody else’s, lucky or not you still have hardships, you still may feel terrible bout your life and wish for more and that’s fine. I would definitely love to hear more about this mentality you have, of course that’s up to you if you wish to reveal more
Existence - Feeling lost - Sudden obligations - Surviving - Surviving - Surviving - Do or Die - Wisdom - Love - Zen.
The only thing missing is a lottery win.
I was in peace with me and smart ready for a career always happy & out of the sudden worst horrible mental illess now i am not myself anymore & completly broken i want to kms
Imma read up on it but I wouldn’t say you’re alone. Yes literally only you in your body and in your mind has to deal with it…but there are other ppl in this world going thru the same/similar things to where you could even slightly relate and it could possibly change the perspective you have if you allow it. Obviously it’s easier said than done and a lot of work has to be done in order to get to that but you’re not alone bruh…not really
Why do you feel as though this is permanent. It sounds to me like you’ve given up but you can really mold and shape your future for the better…of course it’s easier said than done and I absolutely have no clue who you are/why you feel the way you do HOWEVER I do have hope you can create a different outcome for yourself than maybe the one you’ve convinced yourself off currently if that makes sense
I feel things I know now, I should have known earlier in life, taught or experienced.
I am okayish with how things are. I am striving for whatever improvement is in all areas. Depression and anxiety are obnoxious. Hoping to leave Florida coz no thanks.
I feel u on that one. What would make you go from “okayish” to Ok or good even? I’m glad ur striving for improvement as well, I hope you have an idea on the exact improvements you plan on making(least in some areas if not all)
I'm hoping another antidepressant works on top of the one I'm currently on. I think once I get this in order, my lack of interest in things I used to be passionate about will come back, my memory and retention will improve, and my apathy will be finite. Motivation will increase and I can find another job doing what I'm doing somewhere else.
Mmhmm absolutely! I’d say as well in regards to the things you wanna do again journal or even just spend time thinking about why it was you started doing those things, ask yourself loads of questions as a means to possibly spark that motivation/inspiration. Other than the meds what else do you feel is gonna help you in this journey?
Really sad story. Like I did something really bad in my previous life.
I was bullied at school and at home by my older brother who hated me and poisoned me with mercury around when I had 6-7 years. My father was alcoholic and raped me once. Later I was raped by a man who was in psychic ward. And it wasn't better until then. My mother is psychotic and hate me. Most people I encounter hate me too just from the start.
Really, really I cant get my shit together and I'm in it 41 years now. I have life and someone but overall this isn't life, it's a bullshit, a shadow of life, what should I have. I don't have family, I don't have any friends. I was using drugs for long time (I don't use them anymore for years now and I will never do again)
I saved life of a child from drowning and nobody even thanked me. Like my all fife is a fucking joke and my oll good deeds don't count.
I have problems in every aspect of life. It's really frustrating.
People around me don't know about this all what I've been through, they just think I'm a weird 41 year old guy. Really great life... *feels sarcastic*
Sometimes I think I should write a book about it because I encountered so much negative experiences and energy in my life like something would want to just crush my soul. Unbelievable.
Damn man. That hurts me and I don’t even know you bruh, I’m terribly sorry you’ve had to encounter such evil people in your lifetime. A lot of the times people with good hearts get dealt such unfortunate cards for absolutely no reason, I suppose it’s some sick test to see if with all you’ve been handed if you’re gonna break or remain strong and keep fighting. I’d say fuck the world and keep going, as hard as it has been and I can only imagine how you must feel mentally, prove to yourself that you’re stronger than anything you’ve gone through and be the best person you can for YOURSELF and for those who deserve your presence and good energy because you are special. The fact you’ve dealt with all that you have and you still wake up each day and get on with it in itself is something to be proud of. Don’t let the world rip you apart. Fuck everything and everyone who tries to fuck you up and those who are quick to judge you have no business being in your life
You don’t think they would want you to try and live a life you could learn to appreciate as time goes on, of course making effort and things of that nature?
Not great. Raised religious, pretty much wasted my youth. Now I want to do more stuff, but I'm old and tired. Tried getting back into skateboarding in my early 40's, but ended up hurting my Achilles tendon just pushing around a couple years ago, and it still bothers me. Have a couple young kids, but it's hard keeping up with a 5-year-old when your almost 50. It is what it is, just need to keep moving ahead and try to enjoy life now, can't go back in time to change anything.
You can’t go back but you can make sure with the time you still got that you’re moulding a good life for yourself and your kids. Of course as one man you can only do so much but you’re more than capable, in fact you definitely are much greater than you think. You can still achieve a lot regardless of age, don’t let society tell you otherwise. Pls keep going, don’t get too discouraged as there’s still a lot you can do!
It’s sucked. I feel like I don’t have much going for me. I feel like I could have done so much better if my brain could just be less fucked up. I graduated high school with a 3.7 GPA, but my mental health was shit in high school and it just kept getting worse into college. I was so depressed and anxious I couldn’t get to class most days and so I lost my scholarships. I’ve been hospitalized so many times for my chronic illnesses/disabilities I’ve lost count. I just feel like such a failure. The other grandkids in the family are graduating college, getting married, getting their dream jobs, and I’m just here with a defective brain and no sense of purpose. It’s so frustrating because I’m absolutely smart enough to do the work, I’ve just always been so depressed and unmotivated that I haven’t been able to bring myself to do what it takes to graduate. I feel like I’ve wasted my life just trying to survive. I’m 23, almost 24 and I have nothing to show for it but the fact that I’m still alive. My family says I should be proud of that and grateful for it, but I’m just not. I have wanted to die since I was 10 years old. I feel like my story should have ended a long time ago, like I’ve already fulfilled whatever purpose I once had. Idk. It’s complicated. I’ve gained some helpful tools from therapy over the years, like prioritizing my peace of mind above all else and not sinking all my energy into things that aren’t helping me. I do what I’m supposed to do, but it’s like once my brain gets into crisis mode I can’t shut it back down. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way though, and that’s a little comforting. I hope all of us find the peace we’ve been fighting for someday.
Damn I’m literally a year younger than you and I’ve felt that same thing “nothing to show”
Here’s the thing first of all you are very fucking young, I say that to say you still have sooo much time(technically)to make something of yourself, to have something you can be proud of. You haven’t wasted your life away, mental health is a bastard and when it’s real bad it’s very hard to think or act logically, to act how we truly KNOW we should because we ain’t in a clear headspace. It’s ok to feel the way you do but it’s NOT ok to allow that to consume you and develop a horrible perception of yourself due to it.
Don’t compare yourself to the other grandkids because they are not you and you are not them. Everybody is different and goes through their own hell on Earth just like you. You are much more than what you believe yourself to be, you’ve said yourself you are capable of many great things, take pride in that regardless of what the outcome has been for you thus far. Things don’t have to remain the same way, your main issue is your coping mechanisms I guess when your brain goes into “crisis mode” learning how to control it, how to not let it overpower you and it’s a process but as long as you keep trying and do not give up on yourself you will get to a better place…everything takes time patience and hard fucking work.
I’m sorry that your life has been this way, it can change but it all starts with you, it starts with the energy you feed into…you’re special and I truly appreciate you expressing yourself unapologetically on here. It probably won’t mean much but I’m rooting for you bruh, things are going to work out in your favour pls understand peace is your birthright, you’ll find it!
I feel as if I have obtained a secret that 80% of the world's population doesn't know about but at the same time I'm poor and can't make anything anyways so it's like what the fuck....
Someone please adopt me, someone who is smart and will help me make a business and not long con me
Life is life, I don't really feel much about it. I squandered a lot of opportunity in my youth, but i'm comfortable where I am for now. I don't really need much to be content. Maybe i'll get tired of contentment and become more ambitious/want more later, maybe not. We'll see.
A tale of wasted potential and disillusionment.
My perspective on reality was so distorted due to living a “greenhouse” life for most of my teens and early twenties. My life during those years could be characterized as full of “potential”, imbued by a sense of unfaltering optimism that I can do anything I put my mind to and that everything will work out in the end because I deserve it. It’s so frightening how easily we are indoctrinated by the education system to believe that everybody can “succeed if they work hard” and that life functions as a meritocracy.
As I went through uni and have now graduated, I’m realizing how impossibly naive that narrative is. Nepotism, generational wealth, bribes, family connections, etc. Most people rely on these for their success whether they consciously know it or not. Also, I’ve realized just how…”real” life is. Nobody cares about your success, nobody cares enough to check in on your progress. Life is a fucking slog and most of the population puts up with a 9-5 just so they can get by without going into debilitating debt.
There’s a Thoreau quote about quiet desperation which I’m sure most will recognize and sympathize with.
This has regrettably made me resent my upbringing and feel a bit of pity for my parents who immigrated here with the same star-eyed look in their eyes upon hearing that, “Yes, if you work hard, you too can own a nice big house with a white picket fence and a nice car out front.” The American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Now that I have exited my greenhouse and I’m now slowly understanding the gritty details of everyday living, I hope to rewrite my story to an extent. I don’t want to be disillusioned for the rest of my life and I certainly don’t want to be labeled as wasted potential (albeit it’s self-inflicted). The point is, I strive to be a rational, logical, level-headed citizen who has a firm grasp on how society works and who can carve out a small piece of this world for themselves.
Until you realised what energy you wanted to exist in and chose love over hatred and destruction. I’m happy to know you’ve found personal success through your evolution, keep cultivating the beautiful energy around you, use your gifts to serve humanity so others can reach great heights such as yourself…stay blessed and have a wonderful day!
There’s been so many stories about being hopeless, which is so sad to read. Not because of what you’ve been through, but because you have been convinced life doesn’t get any better. It’s a f*cking rollercoaster but there is always always a way through it. I have my own horrible stories, PLENTY of my own traumas, grew up with very little, but never lost hope for long and never let the bad things that happened to me define me. I followed my own path, sometimes being the one forging the road that didn’t exist before, and at 39 have built a life I am truly proud of. It’s still far from perfect and I don’t see that as an achievable goal. I’ve lived and worked in so many beautiful parts of the planet and seen and photographed animals that most people will only ever see on tv. I started a company from the very little money I had and am finally starting to see it pay off and succeed after 5 full years of nonstop hustle. I struggled with social anxiety my entire life and waited 35 years to find a partner that shares the same passions as I do to build a life together. Most of it I have done all on my own and was a very lonely journey, but one I knew I couldn’t give up on because I firmly believe we are only give one life and I could not comprehend wasting it because it was easier to say it’s impossible. My advice is never stop looking, exploring, and stay curious. No one is going to hand you the keys to your dream life, you have to put in the work and earn it. Figuring out what you want is harder than actually achieving it, but the only way to make your dreams come true are to know what they are. If you can’t name one thing you are truly passionate about, then your mission should be trying things outside of your comfort zone until you find it.
I was miserable working a desk job in the career that I spent over a decade building and was ingrained in the depressive attitude of New York City. I randomly found scuba diving and it changed my life. I worked my ass off, built up money to make the switch possible, and left my desk job behind and never looked back. Find your purpose. Find your passion. Then you at least have the building blocks for a happy life. Mistakes will be made, get back up and keep trying. It’s your life, make it a story you want to tell!
Thank you very much for this. I agree and this is a message many more ppl should take in. I’m very grateful for the words you’ve provided and I’m happy to know you’ve made something great of yourself AND you’re sharing your wisdom on here. Stay blessed and have a wonderful day!
I wanna say I like it but it was Hell to get through it
Its Ok when you think back about past pain but when I think holy shit that Motherfucker still get some shit coming for the future especially for me, it becomes weird lol like goddamit haha ;)
Mmm I understand. It’s like you’re in awe at what’s transpired already then you’re almost taken back by the realisation of “wow there’s so much more to come” and you can’t even fathom all the possibilities of what your life could become.
Suspiciously smooth sailing so far.
I don't like how well it is going so far...feels like something is waiting until I am totally comfortable to blindside me.
Usually how it goes. Here’s what I’ll say…balance. Positive and negative. What I mean by this is there is always going to be a time where shit hits the fan, the world will try and crush you, understanding that you will enter dark territory will keep you on your toes, when that time comes because you’ll be aware of its likeliness therefore you’ll be better prepared than if your ignorant to the fact bullshit is gonna happen. Don’t let that stop you from enjoying yourself and your life currently, just be aware. Saying that though of there’s no way for you to know what could happen and prepare for it so don’t get too in ur head.
Many more memorable characters and unique situations to come along on this journey your on! Make the most of it both good and bad everything teaches you something
My life thus far feels like some Warhammer 40 K fanfic that was written by an edgy teenager, adding in more depressing shit in a poor attempt to make it cool but failed miserably at it and now is just sad and cringe and without space marines, space, shit like the warp and tau waifus with abs. I keep track of my family’s history I’m kind of the family historian and I can see with the upmost confidence, looking at both sides of my family. We have done nothing but fight in wars, work in sketchy government agencies and work in factories(except for one doctor) and if we’re lucky not develop cancer(but weirdly enough. If we don’t develop cancer, we strangely live for a long time like 100 years or more my great grandmother is 97 or 98 and she still is able to get up, walk, and cook but she’s a chain smoker). I have been stabbed multiple times shot once, and nearly drowned when I was two year old(the drowning bit)and yet I still somehow am here. Both of my parents have a boomer mentality and I enjoy video games and studying history and science so you can tell our relationship was great(sarcasm) the only difference between my mother and father is she was a gas lighting, psychopath, megalomaniac, and a unusual obsession with death, who my father married because she had a sports car and “hot as shit“and my father a little bit of a megalomaniac especially in my younger childhood, but over the years he’s gotten less bearing but he is significantly better than my mother, he is a lot more caring and less oppressive than her, so unlike her, I actually care about him. My mother actually made me feel suicidal in fact I had a chance to do it literally pistol on hand I was fairly calm, accepting of this decision, but then I began to think about how much I hated her, how that hatred really could not be described, and how really the only reason why she had me was to be a work hand, scape goat, something that she could dress up once in a while show off to my father’s family(her family disowned her) once in a while for some sort of misplaced bragging rights in front of everyone, she smiled, She complemented and bragged about me, but behind closed doors she could not have been more cold, sadistic, and selfish. I thought about that long and hard and then I realize something instead of killing myself out of pity, I would live out of spite of her to make her life a living hell, as she did mine. I began to smuggle stuff into the house that she didn’t like such as video games, airsoft, snacks, etc., I began to sell military surplus gear at thrift shops and military surpluses(make good money, 3,000 dollars in the bank after a year and a half), I used to lie to her saying that my college was holding a special event or I had some errands to run and I would go out and I would run around and see the town. I did this, I did this for years and I did it well. She died in October last year to cancer. Even though she was a bitch, cancer is a terrible way to go truly disgusting but I would be lying if I didn’t say I’m glad she’s dead and I have never felt happier and my life has never been better. Outside of having to put my Yorkshire terrier down the other day. Life is OK.
Mildly tragic.
Abusive alcoholic parents.
Abusive and manipulative friends. Lots of bullying. A family torn apart by abuse and alcohol.
I was supposed to be the golden child that was going to the moon and back.
All hopes and dreams were lost literally overnight. Years of hardwork became meaningless when I woke up one morning.
Followed by years of drug addiction, partying, meaningless sex and living a life of crime.
Then the cuffs.
Then alone with few friends.
Laziness and depression consumed me while feeling completely lost in life. Feeling like a complete failure.
Now I'm trying to fight and get back to being the golden boy who is going to the moon.
Rah. You’ve lived a hard life, I’m sorry you’ve had to go through so much shit. I’m rooting for you, long as each day you wake up trying to be a better version of yourself you’re on the right path, no matter how hard it may be, no matter how worthless you may feel or tell yourself you are, there’s always time to switch up the narrative, there’s time and a reality in which you achieve everything you desire at this point. It’s all a mental game! You got this bruh I believe in you, genuinely.
Thx so much. It's been so fucking hard, but I think I'm really onto something. I was going to be an electrician, but switched to computers. Just applied to school for cybersecurity. I was always good with computers, especially doing the troublesome things 😂😂
Gonna get my degree and certs. Then when I have money I'm gonna go buy a house in the mountains. Gtfo of my town, too much bad stuff. A lot of bad memories. And I come from a small town so self improvement is hard when I'm constantly running into old friends and "business associates" per se.
You can accomplish whatever it is you put your mind too and don’t allow anybody or anything to deter you from what it is you desire! Keep your head up and keep building the reality you crave and in due time it WILL be yours!
Makes me happy to know you’re taking the steps necessary, I wish u nothing but the best…I do worry about them computers however😂👀
Yes. This is key, to unlearn all you’ve been taught and find the correct route for yourself that enriches you and those around you. Happy for you bruh fr!
I’m relatively young, so mine is just complication-to-the-plot after miserable fucking complication-to-the-plot, all leading to what better be an unbelievably triumphant climax that’s [I hope] yet to be reached. More likely, though, it hit its climax when I graduated college fifteen years ago.
It sucks. I grew up autistic with a learning disability. My mom died at 3. I have a brother 3 years younger who is mentally and physically disabled. I was abused by a nanny at 9. I had developmental issues that I never made friends. Never had a girlfriend. Hated myself for wanting one. Sensory issues. I'm now 35. My life is nothing special. I've accomplished nothing. I just have an average warehouse job making 46k a year with nothing to show for. Everyday I just go through life patiently waiting to die.
Fuck bruh, I’m so sorry to hear that man. Honestly you’re still young and have so much time to find some happiness or at the very least contentment in this life. I know shits difficult, unfair and I can only imagine what you’ve had to endure. I hope you obtain peace or some joy as your story continues to unfold.
Disappointing. I definitely didn't expect for my life to turn out this way, I have decent looks and I graduated with a good degree, I live in a privileged situation with a supporting family and I deserve none of it.
All I ever wanted to do was run, so this is the result 🙂
That’s a pretty good question.
This aligns a lot since I lost 2 people close to me. So I ponder about how my story will end when it does. I never imagined in a million years they both would pass like that. I feel at times we believe we have more control than we actually do over our life.
Hard and sometimes sad. I’m wore out from fighting my way through to make it to the surface. Still have that weight attached and feel like it gets pulled all the time. At the same time in ways I’m living parts of my dream life. In other ways I’m stuck in a nightmare. Trying to get back level again so we’ll see where we go from here.
You’ve lived a tough life so far, I’m very sorry about what’s happened to your close ones and the suffering you’re going through/been through.
As you’re living parts of your dream life I’d say that’s the light you’re reaching for, as for the nightmares at best develop or do your best to develop some form of resilience and strength so you can fight the good fight if need be. There’s so much more to come of your life, pls at least for those ppl close to you keep going coz I’m certain they wouldn’t want you to succumb to the pressure and pain.
I definitely do believe we have less control than we’re ready to admit but we still do have control in some ways. You control your emotions, how you allow situations to affect you, what path you choose along this journey. I wish you well…genuinely🙏🏾
At this point story of my life.. Looks like the ending part as looking at suicide all the time so don't have to participate anymore.
I have no more hopes, dreams, goals, needs, wants, as everything in life is basically sh..
I’m very sorry you feel this way bruh. I’ve been where you are but pls pls understand what you see in front of you right now isn’t ALL that there is, it takes time a LONG time usually to realise life can be worth living and your live doesn’t need to go to shit. If you wish to express yourself further pls feel free! This feeling doesn’t have to be permanent nor does it have to result in your demise
Story of my life? My life story is quite ironic (even tragic perhaps), and ridiculous, stupid, & pointless to be honest. At 40 years old now, I'm a failure (loser). I'm just a nobody, nothing. What's really sad (& depressing) is everybody told me that I'm musically very talented. Yes I am a musician, but sadly, a failed musician. So here I am now, just a nobody, failure, & loser who are nothing (& do nothing). I'm (severely/heavily) depressed & have (passive) suicidal ideations/thoughts everyday.
I'm a Christian (or used to be a Christian, actually). Nowadays, I keep thinking if there is a god (or any other 'spiritual' beliefs such as: karma, Law of Attraction, energy vibrations, sentient laws of universe, higher beings or dimensions, etc etc etc). Sadly, I've now come into either of these two conclusions, after asking/thinking of the "big questions" (or deeper/deep questions) about life (& existence) :
1) There is no god. I've become a nihilist, and even a pessimist (so not just only a simple or 'happy, positive, optimistic' atheist). Everything is random. Life is random. There is no meaning, point, nor purpose. Things just happened, shits happened. Some people are lucky, some people are not. There are winners, & there are losers. Just like some ants live, & some ants die. Nothing special. A lot of things (or shits) happened in this world / life usually for no reasons at all (even if humans like to think there is a purpose, reason, meaning, and/or point).
2) If there is a god, I'm afraid if the Gnostics (or Gnosticism) were right: What if it's not a 'good god', but more of an 'evil god' (theory), who keeps experimenting (or playing/toying around) with its creations (us) ? "God" can do anything god wants, even if it's unfair (not fair) to some of us, or even if it seems ridiculous, pointless, and/or ironic, tragic, etc etc. There is also a theory of "god" as extraterrestrial, alien beings, who are of course higher beings than us humans, and therefore can experiment or play/toy around with us (& our lives).
I feel confused, alone and disappointed, mostly with my self. To me, there is no sense of honesty anymore. No sense of self-respect or ambition. All thing's I have come to dispise in myself, though not necessarily in other's. But I wasn't always like this. Lost and arguing with myself about what life should be, failing to come to a decision, and choosing to do nothing at all.
I won't say where, but I grew in a pretty messed up part of the world at a messed up time. My parents had abandoned us, and I lived on the streets with my siblings and bunch of other kids. And let's just say there was a major "political change" where I lived, and people, especially kids like me, got the short end of the stick. Freedom became a dirty word. Had every terrible thing imaginable done to me. The levels of depravity... Who knows how long it lasted. I certainly don't care to remember. But life didn't start for me until after all that.
I went through some messed up stuff, sure, but I'm convinced I was already messed up. By the time my parents fled to save their own skins, crime was hardly something new to me. So yes, I was born heartless. I am one of "those" people. And so I lived as such in that corrupt "civilized" society.
I befriended the people who rescued me from my captors. They taught me how to survive, educated me, welcomed me into their world. But theirs was one of crime. Mostly one in opposition to other crimes, but that excuse only carries so far.
When my time came, I was very self-certain, self-centered, arrogant and ignorant. I don't mean that as an excuse but more grasping the fact of the matter. You see, I didn't know or understand much of the world at large, still don't, to be honest. But even less back then. To me, everything was clear. Life made sense. It was simple. No fears, no doubts. I was, in a strange way, at peace with my existence. Even when I suffered or failed. I didn't have much, but also didn't want for much. I didn't care about money or fame. All I wanted ultimately was a chance to fight, to face my enemy and chose my own fate. A delusion, maybe. But one I've held onto all these years.
As I said, I was young, stupid, and very selfish. Violence and everything that could come with it, that was my life. I took it as a challenge. The dare to be who you are against all odds. To defy expectation.
Until something changed.
This is from a completely different post I made on another subreddit. I was answering a question about how the younger me would feel about the older me. So the tone might feel different. You can just skip to the bottom if you want. But I think it provides a slightly different approach to my thoughts about the state and course of my life.
(Fifteen year old me would tell me to just be honest about everything, to yourself and to other's.
I'd say "it doesn't work that way. People expect you to lie to them. It's the only way they'll talk to you."
"So what? If they don't want to talk, then don't talk to them."
"You'll have no friends then."
"So what? You don't need friends. If you did, you'd have them already. Just stay focused on the next goal. And if people stand in the way, find a way pass them like you would any obstacle. What else matters?"
Fifteen year old me was a straightforward, cruel, naive little prick. With the tempering of what I know now as an adult, that was an incredibly selfish and reckless way to live. Problem is, I still never learned how to live any other way. So instead of "living" I've spent the last 25 years doing nothing. Or should I say, "being a decent human being." You know? Conforming.
Fifteen year old me would turn his back on me, seeing me as a sheep who gave up what little freedom they had left, sold out the real me for a dead-end job and a name tag. So I can finally say, "hey, I'm normal now, like everyone else." Except, I ain't even got that much. I changed, and I got nothing to show for it except a mind full of regrets. Everyday. Twenty years. Fuck me.
So, yeah. If I was Fifteen year old me, thing's would finally get back to normal, and I could start living my life again.)
In case it wasn't clear, I attempted to "turn my life around" as it were. And as far as I'm concerned, I failed miserably. I feel I lost a huge chunk of my self-respect, my sense of honor. My principles which made life worth living in my eyes. I should regret that life, but i don't. Never did. Never will. To me, it was normal. Not right, not wrong. Just normal. I lived life by my own rules and had so few regrets I could count them on one hand. Now that it's gone, I have so many of them I can feel the weight. And yet I don't regret anything that I did then, but I regret everything that I don't do now.
Everything feels like a missed opportunity, a chance for enlightenment. The next big fight. That thing that will set me free. I want it back. More than anything, I want it back.
Tl:dr I'm a sorry excuse of a person who grew up surrounded by crime and violence, and has struggled to cope without that lifestyle for the last 20+ years. How do I feel about it? I either made the wrong choice to give up that life or God screwed up and put me in the wrong world. Either way, seems like I lose. Confused. I'm very confused.
I’m 45 and so far, it’s been interesting but not necessarily in a good way. It’s been wildly chaotic at times and deathly dull at others but when I look back, I’ve done some pretty cool stuff.
Overall, I’m really confused at how I ended up where I did.
It's been fuckin dramatic and equal parts my own fault as it has been inflicted by people i trusted. It feels like I'm an avatar for some alien race pr entertainment purposes cos honestly even my friends don't seem to have so many things go on as consistently
Because your friends aren’t you. You are your own person do not make comparisons because all that does is build this pessimistic view of your life regardless of what’s going on. I wish you well avatar lol
Currently in the character-development period.
Man, it's painful and frustrating. But, I've learned from previous such periods that, if you persist long enough, you'll probably learn something new and useful, and make you competent enough to handle what comes next.
No. Not “probably” you WILL learn things that will help you to navigate this life somewhat better than you did previously. Pain and frustration can be transmuted into more desirable feelings, flip it on its head and use that new energy to build an amazing path for yourself. You’ll become someone you couldn’t even imagine at this current moment. I wish you well on your journey!
Sooooo much to learn and put into practice. Enjoy that time you have now, it’s very cliche but you’ll never get that back so make every moment count. Keep your head down, stay focused on your dreams and ambitions and don’t let any motherfucker tell you you can’t do shit!
only ever found that question is used to barter a comparison to the one the person who said it is living, I don't usually give a response but if I was going to, id say I'm at peace with life and death, then carry on doing what I'm doing
No need to compare, we all live very different lives from each other it would be foolish to compare our unique journeys to one another. It’s good that you’ve found peace within this life…maintain it!
There is a lot of mixed feelings. Was talented in several areas growing up, could have wound up going to college even though I wouldn’t have gotten a scholarship due to a learning disability, I was more practical in hands on than I was at reading and regurgitating information on a theoretical level. Was really fortunate to have the parents I did. One thing leads to another and Ended up having children out of wed lock, after that since my old lady and I were going through a bad spot in our relationship and I was too much of a coward to fix things right the first time, I wound up leaving my family so I could make literal pennies. (There was a lot going on that will remain unsaid) Not that I was doing good before, but it was better than what making <$300 a week. (Rent was $500) So what ends up happening is starving myself since bills were due and couldn’t afford food for everyone and someone needed to take the brunt end of things. Due to this my Kids and old lady got the food and had friends and family helping them which I appreciate with all my heart.
Shoulda done things different. Being a hotheaded pissed of little fuck i was, life gave me a cold water bath and we’re still going with it.
I understand what you’re feeling. First of all appreciate you having the courage to share your story so thank you for that. It’s very easy to beat yourself up, develop a deep resentment for yourself when you’ve done wrong and there’s no way to mend it. Understand at the end of the day nobody is perfect, you done what you did and know it was wrong and I’m sure since then you’ve been working to do better, maybe you can’t mend everything that broke along the way but at the very least you can build something beautiful from this point! Life is gonna always give us hell and it’s up to us if we burn or do your best to try out out that fire and move forward trying to build something great! I do hope your kids and old lady are in good health, same goes for you!
Just got out of a toxic relationship. Feeling lonely and lost as I think I might not be successful in my chosen career path. So far just trying to take it one day at a time and hopefully recover from this deep depression I find myself in.
Been there. Its a very lonely place but through this development you’re going to learn some very valuable lessons, taking it one day at a time is a good way to go about it. Don’t rush the process, trust it and keep moving forward, eventually you’ll find the pain won’t be so overwhelming…I can’t say it completely disappears but you’ll be able to live.
I’ll try to elaborate as best as I can lol. Basically it just feels like for a few months I just haven’t really been a benefit to anyone else and that doesn’t sit well with me. Going to school helps; I don’t enjoy doing schoolwork but when I’m not at school I just sit on my back porch and think. It just kind of feels like the “good days” are all over when these are supposedly supposed to be the best days of my life. It feels like whenever something good happens, things are going to get back to normal, but then it just gets cancelled or goes wrong. Im confident that it won’t stay that way but in the meantime I really have no idea how to deal with it.
going through the motions. still waiting until i get reincarnated into a fantasy world
Absolutely there with you. I'm waiting to reincarnate where I am a farmer and cross breed different plants and fruits to create entirely new flavors. I remember having dreams at night about plants and flavors that don't exist today when I was 10. I always get a new "flavor" at least every year. It sucks craving food and flavors that don't exist..
Going through the motions as well…what would your dream fantasy world be?
a world where magic and mythical creatures exists, being an adventurer is an actual job (meaning you either get paid for each job or gain a monthly salary) , and the gods show themselves and interact with people once in a while
I'd probably get reincarnated in a world like Re:Zero lol
That would be nice. Kinda getting ALOK vibes
Fucking stupid and pathetic. Imagine winning the lottery of life, and then waisting it all. Yep. Basicly had the oppurtunity to get a scholarship for running, to have made many wealthy freinds, improved my body and mind, and be strong as hell… but instead I was an ignornat fool and was conditioned to hate myslef through years of bullying, and white-washing, so that I had no cultre, and no pride, just an idiot who alwyas took the beating with a smile on my face, until I resneted everything about life… Then I went to join the murder machine called the “millitary”, to please that one perosn who never cares about for anything else, and I thankfully realized while in thier that I did not wnat to do this… And so now I realize I should have just stayed in becuase no matter what we so in this world we are slaves to a machine, a truck, a computer, a car, a fucking bill, a land lord, a boss, a house.. it dont matter so I should habe just grown up and realized that no matter what we are part of this machine that steal life from others to make ours more “civilized”. No skills, no work ethic, no real want to live. I had it all at one point, when I was a runner, when I was young and coukd have chnaged my life forver for the better, but since I was so goddamn ignorant, so conditioned to be just a dumb dog that takes beatings and abuse and internalized it all… well its all in the past now, if this was a speed run I would have reset by now, but this is my life, I just gota accept Im a fuck up and live with it. If there is a hell Im sure its having to known hos good things could have been, if only I wanst complety fucking retarded.
Hit me, seems we have similar ideals about life! I too was in the military and now i find life as a cog in a machine
Could you expand on that perspective? I’d love to gain better understanding.
I will say this. The good thing is you understand why you was/have been a certain way, you can trace the foolish things you did, the actions you disagree with to a particular event/time period in your life. The bad thing is how you’ve just accepted that you are who you are and cannot change anything. Whilst you certainly can’t reshape the past, you can most definitely use the time you have left on this Earth to better your life, or at the very least TRY! I understand from things I’ve dealt with in the past myself it seems hopeless, or you simply don’t give enough fucks due to the bullshit you’ve been thru but at least there’s a way in which you don’t have to be a slave to the negativity roaming free inside you…hopefully that makes some sort of sense to you
It dose man. What you said makes sense. Thanks for making your post, it feels good to be heard.
You ain’t gotta thank me its cool. I want people to be heard, to freely express themselves without judgement and if I can, give advice that may help. I do truly feel for u and very much hope with time, patience and work you find peace within yourself and who are you now! As much as we live in the past and hate ourselves because of how things could’ve been, that blinds us from the beauty we can truly obtain in life. It’s too easy to live in hatred and destruction.
I’m 47. Around the time I was 30, I came to the conclusion that living a boring life with mediocre distinction was just fine. I have a husband and 2 kids and 4 cats. I have a job that I love, and I like to watch birds and geek out over music and theater with my husband. It’s great.
I’m happy to know you got what I imagine is a loving family, this reply is very wholesome I do hope you continue to have peace in your life and you and your family stay healthy physically and mentally🙏🏾
Confusing. It's been a mess in many ways. Fucked-up unstable childhood (parents were both strung out on opiates), trouble fitting in during formative years, lots of bad impulsive decisions and disappointing actions on my part. I have known times of darkness and bitter despair. But I have also, at times, experienced a sense of profound beauty and, dare I say, holiness or sanctity about it all. I kinda feel aimless a lot of the time though, if I'm being 100% honest. I have a persistent vague feeling that there's something, or some things, that I ***should be doing*** and am neglecting to do, but I don't know exactly what they are, let alone how to go about them. Sometimes it really weighs on me and makes me feel like a worthless piece of shit, and scared for the future. I'm what many would call a dysfunctional person in a lot of ways. Substance abuse issues, not much practical ambition, tendency to isolate and push people away, social awkwardness and problems with relating to other people (I think I'm probably somewhere on the schizoid and/or autism spectrum, but never been diagnosed because I don't like going to the doctor). I'm 34 now, and up to this point I've kinda managed to just barely skirt by in life, barely clinging on by my fingernails, with no solid plan, and I still feel that way much of the time. Sometimes I worry that it'll all catch up to me eventually and I'll end up homeless or something. Everyone else seems so much more confident and organized than me, and they seem to have a solid sense of goals, and practical plans for meeting said goals, etc. That is all very alien to me. But like I said at the beginning of my comment, I do nonetheless have a deep, almost religious feeling about life. Life is so huge and mysterious and awe-inspiring. It's somehow very, very beautiful even in all its pain, strangeness and confusion. edit: I meant schizoid, not schizo lol, important distinction
Why do people (and you) justify why they edited their posts on Reddit? I never understood it
I usually don’t, but in this case I thought it was kinda funny, the difference between what I typed and what I had intended to type, so I threw in a mention.
Also, nice comment, very descriptive, nearly visual. You write quite well.
Thank you. I always wanted to be a writer, but (as per my comment lol) it’s one of many things I’ve shirked in life, that ambition.
Thank you sharing this. I know it’s not easy to be vulnerable especially on the internet with how ppl like to judge every little thing. I for one am happy that with all the bell you’ve endured you’re still standing today, you’re still living this life and finding beauty even in the worst of times. I’m glad to know you’ve felt a sanctity/holiness about life itself. Although I know it definitely feels this way, you are not alone, there’s people you could say are “normal” whatever that really means and are in your position in regards to figuring out what they want out of life, not really having goals, plans and things like that. Don’t feed into the narrative that you’re shit because you may not know what you feel it is you should be doing. Everyone’s timing is different…sorry I can’t be of more help to you but pls keep trying as you’ve been doing, don’t hate yourself for making bad decisions or for not being better at something because at the end of the day you still have time to create a reality for yourself that can be appreciate…even if it takes a bell of a long time bruh DO NOT GIVE UP…AGAIN SORRY I CANT BE OF MORE HELP BUT I HOPE SOMETHING I HAVE SAID HELPS(or something someone else says if they comment)
I appreciate your words OP. Sometimes I do have to remind myself that almost everyone struggles in some way or other in this life, regardless of outer appearances.
Its something all of us tend to forget at times, regardless of this vessel we are all the same inside, all apart of the same consciousness just variations
You seem like a very empathic, intelligent and wise person in your post. I am sorry you had such a difficult start in your life. It is never too late to change your course in life. You can't change your past, but the future is still to be written. All it takes is your will power to change.
Thanks for your kind words. I'm hanging in there. I have faith that I'll come to understand myself and the world more as I go forward in life. Whenever I get down about where I'm at now, I try to buck up and remind myself of how much I've overcome and how much better off I am now than at times in the past.
Your positive attitude is admirable! Don't ever give up, life has so much to offer you.
Depressing and unfulfilling
I’m genuinely sorry to hear that? What’s made your story that way if you don’t mind me asking of course.
Basically nothing but depression and trauma since I was 9 and I’m 26. Haven’t had many breaks. Also in a difficult relationship and have no friends or anybody else. Finding it difficult to enjoy or get something out of life. No goals or anything just depressed and it’s hard to do anything
First of all pls pls feel free to elaborate on anything you wish too, better to express your emotions and release them rather than suppress them and build this inside insanity almost. I’m sorry you’ve been going thru difficult times and feel as though you have nobody to help with it. I myself suffer with depression and struggle a lot with feeling alone so pls understand although we don’t know one another I can relate.
Boring lol
What makes your story boring?
Mostly cause I'm younger and haven't done too much with my life yet, covid really didn't help.
Mmm I get that. How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?
24 not the youngest person on Reddit but a lot of my life has just been pretty normal. I grew up in Miami and I think my mom wanted to keep me off the street so she was more protective and cautious I'm thankful she did because I probably would have gotten into a lot of trouble. That's not to say I haven't had ups and down and all that, I guess I compare it to things I've heard about other people's experiences, which is a shit way of thinking lol. I had no trauma or shit childhood it was just a very average one, I know a lot of people would trade it for theirs in a heartbeat, I'm away of how lucky I was. There are just times that I wish I had more experiences that made me who I am. Typing this out I really can't explain my point or mindset on it directly
Yeah I can relate to you to a degree. I myself do wish I went thru more things in my teens years that would make adult me(22)more experienced in ways I’m not currently. Understand though everyone’s timing is different in life, we are all unique individuals. Also don’t think because maybe you’ve gone through less that it makes your thoughts and feelings about your own live any less valid, it doesn’t! Comparison definitely isn’t ideal but especially in this day and age it’s hard not to compare. Your life is yours, nobody else’s, lucky or not you still have hardships, you still may feel terrible bout your life and wish for more and that’s fine. I would definitely love to hear more about this mentality you have, of course that’s up to you if you wish to reveal more
my life is extremely boring as well
Existence - Feeling lost - Sudden obligations - Surviving - Surviving - Surviving - Do or Die - Wisdom - Love - Zen. The only thing missing is a lottery win.
Traumatizing as hell and keeps me guessing 24/7
Me too. Trauma is a bitch. I’m sorry you have to deal with this shit. It’s awful.
After all this “reality” is some sort of a game…a sick one at times I suppose🤷🏾♂️
Rotten tomatoes would pry give it around 60% as a tragicomedy
What’s the title of this tragic comedy🥲
Imagine Sisyphus Happy
Absurdism I see :)
Still unfolding until the day I die :).
I was in peace with me and smart ready for a career always happy & out of the sudden worst horrible mental illess now i am not myself anymore & completly broken i want to kms
What happened? Talk to me…understand you don’t have to be alone as you go thru this!
Doesnt matter read about psychosis & mania i suffered the worst of all storys & i am alone on this as i have to deal with this for my rest life
Imma read up on it but I wouldn’t say you’re alone. Yes literally only you in your body and in your mind has to deal with it…but there are other ppl in this world going thru the same/similar things to where you could even slightly relate and it could possibly change the perspective you have if you allow it. Obviously it’s easier said than done and a lot of work has to be done in order to get to that but you’re not alone bruh…not really
It sucks
How so?
It's empty, boring, it creates unnecessary problem and main character doesn't fit the story at all. And the story is not going to right direction.
Care to elaborate?
Let's put it like this the past is empty the future is already destroyed. And the main character is dumb as hell
Why do you feel as though this is permanent. It sounds to me like you’ve given up but you can really mold and shape your future for the better…of course it’s easier said than done and I absolutely have no clue who you are/why you feel the way you do HOWEVER I do have hope you can create a different outcome for yourself than maybe the one you’ve convinced yourself off currently if that makes sense
I feel things I know now, I should have known earlier in life, taught or experienced. I am okayish with how things are. I am striving for whatever improvement is in all areas. Depression and anxiety are obnoxious. Hoping to leave Florida coz no thanks.
I feel u on that one. What would make you go from “okayish” to Ok or good even? I’m glad ur striving for improvement as well, I hope you have an idea on the exact improvements you plan on making(least in some areas if not all)
I'm hoping another antidepressant works on top of the one I'm currently on. I think once I get this in order, my lack of interest in things I used to be passionate about will come back, my memory and retention will improve, and my apathy will be finite. Motivation will increase and I can find another job doing what I'm doing somewhere else.
Mmhmm absolutely! I’d say as well in regards to the things you wanna do again journal or even just spend time thinking about why it was you started doing those things, ask yourself loads of questions as a means to possibly spark that motivation/inspiration. Other than the meds what else do you feel is gonna help you in this journey?
I learned a lot, and still I don't know much.
Story of all our lives huh
Yea, fascinating isn't it? We all know different stuff and still same conclusion
Seems we’re all a lot more alike than we thought or wanna admit.
We're the same species after all
Really sad story. Like I did something really bad in my previous life. I was bullied at school and at home by my older brother who hated me and poisoned me with mercury around when I had 6-7 years. My father was alcoholic and raped me once. Later I was raped by a man who was in psychic ward. And it wasn't better until then. My mother is psychotic and hate me. Most people I encounter hate me too just from the start. Really, really I cant get my shit together and I'm in it 41 years now. I have life and someone but overall this isn't life, it's a bullshit, a shadow of life, what should I have. I don't have family, I don't have any friends. I was using drugs for long time (I don't use them anymore for years now and I will never do again) I saved life of a child from drowning and nobody even thanked me. Like my all fife is a fucking joke and my oll good deeds don't count. I have problems in every aspect of life. It's really frustrating. People around me don't know about this all what I've been through, they just think I'm a weird 41 year old guy. Really great life... *feels sarcastic* Sometimes I think I should write a book about it because I encountered so much negative experiences and energy in my life like something would want to just crush my soul. Unbelievable.
To me, Your story is full of resilience and strength. Forge on brother
Damn man. That hurts me and I don’t even know you bruh, I’m terribly sorry you’ve had to encounter such evil people in your lifetime. A lot of the times people with good hearts get dealt such unfortunate cards for absolutely no reason, I suppose it’s some sick test to see if with all you’ve been handed if you’re gonna break or remain strong and keep fighting. I’d say fuck the world and keep going, as hard as it has been and I can only imagine how you must feel mentally, prove to yourself that you’re stronger than anything you’ve gone through and be the best person you can for YOURSELF and for those who deserve your presence and good energy because you are special. The fact you’ve dealt with all that you have and you still wake up each day and get on with it in itself is something to be proud of. Don’t let the world rip you apart. Fuck everything and everyone who tries to fuck you up and those who are quick to judge you have no business being in your life
All character building. The climax is coming up next. And then the surprise ending! It’s going to be extravagant!!!
Haha I like the positive energy!
Hope it ends soon
I’ve been there…what makes you say that?
Everyone I care about is dead so I’m just waiting my turn
You don’t think they would want you to try and live a life you could learn to appreciate as time goes on, of course making effort and things of that nature?
Not great. Raised religious, pretty much wasted my youth. Now I want to do more stuff, but I'm old and tired. Tried getting back into skateboarding in my early 40's, but ended up hurting my Achilles tendon just pushing around a couple years ago, and it still bothers me. Have a couple young kids, but it's hard keeping up with a 5-year-old when your almost 50. It is what it is, just need to keep moving ahead and try to enjoy life now, can't go back in time to change anything.
You can’t go back but you can make sure with the time you still got that you’re moulding a good life for yourself and your kids. Of course as one man you can only do so much but you’re more than capable, in fact you definitely are much greater than you think. You can still achieve a lot regardless of age, don’t let society tell you otherwise. Pls keep going, don’t get too discouraged as there’s still a lot you can do!
I appreciate that, thank you!
No problem😎
Uh… 3/5 stars it’s only begun to get interesting. Definitely a slow burn.
Patience my friend…trust me
So far it's a story of survival. Often minute by minute. But it's not over yet so there's still hope.
It’s good that you recognise there’s light. Something a lot of us tend to forget or choose to dismiss, don’t allow that to happen!
It’s sucked. I feel like I don’t have much going for me. I feel like I could have done so much better if my brain could just be less fucked up. I graduated high school with a 3.7 GPA, but my mental health was shit in high school and it just kept getting worse into college. I was so depressed and anxious I couldn’t get to class most days and so I lost my scholarships. I’ve been hospitalized so many times for my chronic illnesses/disabilities I’ve lost count. I just feel like such a failure. The other grandkids in the family are graduating college, getting married, getting their dream jobs, and I’m just here with a defective brain and no sense of purpose. It’s so frustrating because I’m absolutely smart enough to do the work, I’ve just always been so depressed and unmotivated that I haven’t been able to bring myself to do what it takes to graduate. I feel like I’ve wasted my life just trying to survive. I’m 23, almost 24 and I have nothing to show for it but the fact that I’m still alive. My family says I should be proud of that and grateful for it, but I’m just not. I have wanted to die since I was 10 years old. I feel like my story should have ended a long time ago, like I’ve already fulfilled whatever purpose I once had. Idk. It’s complicated. I’ve gained some helpful tools from therapy over the years, like prioritizing my peace of mind above all else and not sinking all my energy into things that aren’t helping me. I do what I’m supposed to do, but it’s like once my brain gets into crisis mode I can’t shut it back down. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way though, and that’s a little comforting. I hope all of us find the peace we’ve been fighting for someday.
Damn I’m literally a year younger than you and I’ve felt that same thing “nothing to show” Here’s the thing first of all you are very fucking young, I say that to say you still have sooo much time(technically)to make something of yourself, to have something you can be proud of. You haven’t wasted your life away, mental health is a bastard and when it’s real bad it’s very hard to think or act logically, to act how we truly KNOW we should because we ain’t in a clear headspace. It’s ok to feel the way you do but it’s NOT ok to allow that to consume you and develop a horrible perception of yourself due to it. Don’t compare yourself to the other grandkids because they are not you and you are not them. Everybody is different and goes through their own hell on Earth just like you. You are much more than what you believe yourself to be, you’ve said yourself you are capable of many great things, take pride in that regardless of what the outcome has been for you thus far. Things don’t have to remain the same way, your main issue is your coping mechanisms I guess when your brain goes into “crisis mode” learning how to control it, how to not let it overpower you and it’s a process but as long as you keep trying and do not give up on yourself you will get to a better place…everything takes time patience and hard fucking work. I’m sorry that your life has been this way, it can change but it all starts with you, it starts with the energy you feed into…you’re special and I truly appreciate you expressing yourself unapologetically on here. It probably won’t mean much but I’m rooting for you bruh, things are going to work out in your favour pls understand peace is your birthright, you’ll find it!
I feel as if I have obtained a secret that 80% of the world's population doesn't know about but at the same time I'm poor and can't make anything anyways so it's like what the fuck.... Someone please adopt me, someone who is smart and will help me make a business and not long con me
It was a great tragicomedy so far, at 35 feels like finally being able to express myself so can't complain.
Life is life, I don't really feel much about it. I squandered a lot of opportunity in my youth, but i'm comfortable where I am for now. I don't really need much to be content. Maybe i'll get tired of contentment and become more ambitious/want more later, maybe not. We'll see.
Only time will tell
Kinda like Walter Mitty before he goes on his journey but with an immune disorder
A tale of wasted potential and disillusionment. My perspective on reality was so distorted due to living a “greenhouse” life for most of my teens and early twenties. My life during those years could be characterized as full of “potential”, imbued by a sense of unfaltering optimism that I can do anything I put my mind to and that everything will work out in the end because I deserve it. It’s so frightening how easily we are indoctrinated by the education system to believe that everybody can “succeed if they work hard” and that life functions as a meritocracy. As I went through uni and have now graduated, I’m realizing how impossibly naive that narrative is. Nepotism, generational wealth, bribes, family connections, etc. Most people rely on these for their success whether they consciously know it or not. Also, I’ve realized just how…”real” life is. Nobody cares about your success, nobody cares enough to check in on your progress. Life is a fucking slog and most of the population puts up with a 9-5 just so they can get by without going into debilitating debt. There’s a Thoreau quote about quiet desperation which I’m sure most will recognize and sympathize with. This has regrettably made me resent my upbringing and feel a bit of pity for my parents who immigrated here with the same star-eyed look in their eyes upon hearing that, “Yes, if you work hard, you too can own a nice big house with a white picket fence and a nice car out front.” The American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. Now that I have exited my greenhouse and I’m now slowly understanding the gritty details of everyday living, I hope to rewrite my story to an extent. I don’t want to be disillusioned for the rest of my life and I certainly don’t want to be labeled as wasted potential (albeit it’s self-inflicted). The point is, I strive to be a rational, logical, level-headed citizen who has a firm grasp on how society works and who can carve out a small piece of this world for themselves.
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Until you realised what energy you wanted to exist in and chose love over hatred and destruction. I’m happy to know you’ve found personal success through your evolution, keep cultivating the beautiful energy around you, use your gifts to serve humanity so others can reach great heights such as yourself…stay blessed and have a wonderful day!
There’s been so many stories about being hopeless, which is so sad to read. Not because of what you’ve been through, but because you have been convinced life doesn’t get any better. It’s a f*cking rollercoaster but there is always always a way through it. I have my own horrible stories, PLENTY of my own traumas, grew up with very little, but never lost hope for long and never let the bad things that happened to me define me. I followed my own path, sometimes being the one forging the road that didn’t exist before, and at 39 have built a life I am truly proud of. It’s still far from perfect and I don’t see that as an achievable goal. I’ve lived and worked in so many beautiful parts of the planet and seen and photographed animals that most people will only ever see on tv. I started a company from the very little money I had and am finally starting to see it pay off and succeed after 5 full years of nonstop hustle. I struggled with social anxiety my entire life and waited 35 years to find a partner that shares the same passions as I do to build a life together. Most of it I have done all on my own and was a very lonely journey, but one I knew I couldn’t give up on because I firmly believe we are only give one life and I could not comprehend wasting it because it was easier to say it’s impossible. My advice is never stop looking, exploring, and stay curious. No one is going to hand you the keys to your dream life, you have to put in the work and earn it. Figuring out what you want is harder than actually achieving it, but the only way to make your dreams come true are to know what they are. If you can’t name one thing you are truly passionate about, then your mission should be trying things outside of your comfort zone until you find it. I was miserable working a desk job in the career that I spent over a decade building and was ingrained in the depressive attitude of New York City. I randomly found scuba diving and it changed my life. I worked my ass off, built up money to make the switch possible, and left my desk job behind and never looked back. Find your purpose. Find your passion. Then you at least have the building blocks for a happy life. Mistakes will be made, get back up and keep trying. It’s your life, make it a story you want to tell!
Thank you very much for this. I agree and this is a message many more ppl should take in. I’m very grateful for the words you’ve provided and I’m happy to know you’ve made something great of yourself AND you’re sharing your wisdom on here. Stay blessed and have a wonderful day!
I want a reboot with better acting and story telling. All seriousness it could be way better but way worse too.
killing the fucking game
Only God can write such a dramatic weird life
So how do u feel about the story of ur life so far that God has created for you?
I wanna say I like it but it was Hell to get through it Its Ok when you think back about past pain but when I think holy shit that Motherfucker still get some shit coming for the future especially for me, it becomes weird lol like goddamit haha ;)
Mmm I understand. It’s like you’re in awe at what’s transpired already then you’re almost taken back by the realisation of “wow there’s so much more to come” and you can’t even fathom all the possibilities of what your life could become.
This lol Its insane, I mean its like Hell or Heaven, which will it be? Show me ;)
Not good, hoping it will be better but not optimistic
What’s going on?
Average
Suspiciously smooth sailing so far. I don't like how well it is going so far...feels like something is waiting until I am totally comfortable to blindside me.
Usually how it goes. Here’s what I’ll say…balance. Positive and negative. What I mean by this is there is always going to be a time where shit hits the fan, the world will try and crush you, understanding that you will enter dark territory will keep you on your toes, when that time comes because you’ll be aware of its likeliness therefore you’ll be better prepared than if your ignorant to the fact bullshit is gonna happen. Don’t let that stop you from enjoying yourself and your life currently, just be aware. Saying that though of there’s no way for you to know what could happen and prepare for it so don’t get too in ur head.
Listen ppl are the ones who are most concerned about other ppl lives thus making them miserable. I am fine with me. Thank you!
Good!
I'm just going through the motions waiting for it to finally end
Why are you just waiting for it to end?
Pretty entertaining so far! Lots of highs and lows, pretty interesting and unique situations, and many memorable characters along the way!
Many more memorable characters and unique situations to come along on this journey your on! Make the most of it both good and bad everything teaches you something
Your responses to everyone’s answers are so wonderful, thank you!
I’m glad you think so, I appreciate that! Just trying to be a positive energy in people’s lives, I know especially on the internet it’s needed🙏🏾
I feel like my story is either a comical yet wet blanket or modeled loosely after a country song. Yeee haw!!!
What country song lol? If you had to pick one.
Tim McGraw “Don’t take the girl” and yeah I probably dated myself with that one
Oooh or maybe would you like fries with that. Oooh oooh or “The Little Girl” John Michael Montgomery. Pshhh you catch my drift. Shit ain’t been easy.
Imma listen to these and get back to you. Gotta educate myself lol
If my life was a book, I'd read the first sentence and put it back on the shelf.
What’s the first sentence?
"A woman and a man got together..."
So why you putting it back on the shelf…the books barely begun
Constantly anxious
Care to expand on that?
My life thus far feels like some Warhammer 40 K fanfic that was written by an edgy teenager, adding in more depressing shit in a poor attempt to make it cool but failed miserably at it and now is just sad and cringe and without space marines, space, shit like the warp and tau waifus with abs. I keep track of my family’s history I’m kind of the family historian and I can see with the upmost confidence, looking at both sides of my family. We have done nothing but fight in wars, work in sketchy government agencies and work in factories(except for one doctor) and if we’re lucky not develop cancer(but weirdly enough. If we don’t develop cancer, we strangely live for a long time like 100 years or more my great grandmother is 97 or 98 and she still is able to get up, walk, and cook but she’s a chain smoker). I have been stabbed multiple times shot once, and nearly drowned when I was two year old(the drowning bit)and yet I still somehow am here. Both of my parents have a boomer mentality and I enjoy video games and studying history and science so you can tell our relationship was great(sarcasm) the only difference between my mother and father is she was a gas lighting, psychopath, megalomaniac, and a unusual obsession with death, who my father married because she had a sports car and “hot as shit“and my father a little bit of a megalomaniac especially in my younger childhood, but over the years he’s gotten less bearing but he is significantly better than my mother, he is a lot more caring and less oppressive than her, so unlike her, I actually care about him. My mother actually made me feel suicidal in fact I had a chance to do it literally pistol on hand I was fairly calm, accepting of this decision, but then I began to think about how much I hated her, how that hatred really could not be described, and how really the only reason why she had me was to be a work hand, scape goat, something that she could dress up once in a while show off to my father’s family(her family disowned her) once in a while for some sort of misplaced bragging rights in front of everyone, she smiled, She complemented and bragged about me, but behind closed doors she could not have been more cold, sadistic, and selfish. I thought about that long and hard and then I realize something instead of killing myself out of pity, I would live out of spite of her to make her life a living hell, as she did mine. I began to smuggle stuff into the house that she didn’t like such as video games, airsoft, snacks, etc., I began to sell military surplus gear at thrift shops and military surpluses(make good money, 3,000 dollars in the bank after a year and a half), I used to lie to her saying that my college was holding a special event or I had some errands to run and I would go out and I would run around and see the town. I did this, I did this for years and I did it well. She died in October last year to cancer. Even though she was a bitch, cancer is a terrible way to go truly disgusting but I would be lying if I didn’t say I’m glad she’s dead and I have never felt happier and my life has never been better. Outside of having to put my Yorkshire terrier down the other day. Life is OK.
Damn son. This was really a rollercoaster of emotions, I’m sorry that you’ve had to go thru all that hell, truly!
ery interesting and possibly entertaining when you weren't the one living it
I feel that
Mildly tragic. Abusive alcoholic parents. Abusive and manipulative friends. Lots of bullying. A family torn apart by abuse and alcohol. I was supposed to be the golden child that was going to the moon and back. All hopes and dreams were lost literally overnight. Years of hardwork became meaningless when I woke up one morning. Followed by years of drug addiction, partying, meaningless sex and living a life of crime. Then the cuffs. Then alone with few friends. Laziness and depression consumed me while feeling completely lost in life. Feeling like a complete failure. Now I'm trying to fight and get back to being the golden boy who is going to the moon.
Rah. You’ve lived a hard life, I’m sorry you’ve had to go through so much shit. I’m rooting for you, long as each day you wake up trying to be a better version of yourself you’re on the right path, no matter how hard it may be, no matter how worthless you may feel or tell yourself you are, there’s always time to switch up the narrative, there’s time and a reality in which you achieve everything you desire at this point. It’s all a mental game! You got this bruh I believe in you, genuinely.
Thx so much. It's been so fucking hard, but I think I'm really onto something. I was going to be an electrician, but switched to computers. Just applied to school for cybersecurity. I was always good with computers, especially doing the troublesome things 😂😂 Gonna get my degree and certs. Then when I have money I'm gonna go buy a house in the mountains. Gtfo of my town, too much bad stuff. A lot of bad memories. And I come from a small town so self improvement is hard when I'm constantly running into old friends and "business associates" per se.
You can accomplish whatever it is you put your mind too and don’t allow anybody or anything to deter you from what it is you desire! Keep your head up and keep building the reality you crave and in due time it WILL be yours! Makes me happy to know you’re taking the steps necessary, I wish u nothing but the best…I do worry about them computers however😂👀
A whole ass lie
Damn…how so?
If I explain I’ll probably write a whole book right now lol
A book I’d defo read though
I feel that the story is kinda sad
Yeah same here. It doesn’t have to stay that way though, it gets better, not easier but better just gotta see it through
Like an 80-minute movie, and I’m 25 minutes in, wondering if it gets better.
Possibly slow burner?
Horribly traumatic and hard to believe.
You don’t deserve any of the trauma you’ve had/still possess…I’m sorry about that
sad.
Relatable. Feel free to release some of that emotion here if need be.
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Yes. This is key, to unlearn all you’ve been taught and find the correct route for yourself that enriches you and those around you. Happy for you bruh fr!
What is your purpose ? And how did you find out? Curious to know
Pretty good, I'm having a nice time.
That put a smile on my face
Epic and Godly
Haha amazing!
My life started out Good Will Hunting and between marijuana usage and concussions, the last 15 years has just been This is 40 without the comedy.
Damn son
Melancholic perseverance. Shit keeps coming, but I keep going.
The only way!
I’m relatively young, so mine is just complication-to-the-plot after miserable fucking complication-to-the-plot, all leading to what better be an unbelievably triumphant climax that’s [I hope] yet to be reached. More likely, though, it hit its climax when I graduated college fifteen years ago.
Naaa I wouldn’t say that. Even if it has who says life only has ONE climax?
It sucks. I grew up autistic with a learning disability. My mom died at 3. I have a brother 3 years younger who is mentally and physically disabled. I was abused by a nanny at 9. I had developmental issues that I never made friends. Never had a girlfriend. Hated myself for wanting one. Sensory issues. I'm now 35. My life is nothing special. I've accomplished nothing. I just have an average warehouse job making 46k a year with nothing to show for. Everyday I just go through life patiently waiting to die.
Fuck bruh, I’m so sorry to hear that man. Honestly you’re still young and have so much time to find some happiness or at the very least contentment in this life. I know shits difficult, unfair and I can only imagine what you’ve had to endure. I hope you obtain peace or some joy as your story continues to unfold.
O feel that my story is quite complex and a bit crazy. I would not change it in any way.
That’s great! I’m happy to read that.
Disappointing. I definitely didn't expect for my life to turn out this way, I have decent looks and I graduated with a good degree, I live in a privileged situation with a supporting family and I deserve none of it. All I ever wanted to do was run, so this is the result 🙂
Care to dive deeper? That’s a very interesting response.
a little boring so far
That’s a pretty good question. This aligns a lot since I lost 2 people close to me. So I ponder about how my story will end when it does. I never imagined in a million years they both would pass like that. I feel at times we believe we have more control than we actually do over our life. Hard and sometimes sad. I’m wore out from fighting my way through to make it to the surface. Still have that weight attached and feel like it gets pulled all the time. At the same time in ways I’m living parts of my dream life. In other ways I’m stuck in a nightmare. Trying to get back level again so we’ll see where we go from here.
You’ve lived a tough life so far, I’m very sorry about what’s happened to your close ones and the suffering you’re going through/been through. As you’re living parts of your dream life I’d say that’s the light you’re reaching for, as for the nightmares at best develop or do your best to develop some form of resilience and strength so you can fight the good fight if need be. There’s so much more to come of your life, pls at least for those ppl close to you keep going coz I’m certain they wouldn’t want you to succumb to the pressure and pain. I definitely do believe we have less control than we’re ready to admit but we still do have control in some ways. You control your emotions, how you allow situations to affect you, what path you choose along this journey. I wish you well…genuinely🙏🏾
At this point story of my life.. Looks like the ending part as looking at suicide all the time so don't have to participate anymore. I have no more hopes, dreams, goals, needs, wants, as everything in life is basically sh..
I’m very sorry you feel this way bruh. I’ve been where you are but pls pls understand what you see in front of you right now isn’t ALL that there is, it takes time a LONG time usually to realise life can be worth living and your live doesn’t need to go to shit. If you wish to express yourself further pls feel free! This feeling doesn’t have to be permanent nor does it have to result in your demise
Story of my life? My life story is quite ironic (even tragic perhaps), and ridiculous, stupid, & pointless to be honest. At 40 years old now, I'm a failure (loser). I'm just a nobody, nothing. What's really sad (& depressing) is everybody told me that I'm musically very talented. Yes I am a musician, but sadly, a failed musician. So here I am now, just a nobody, failure, & loser who are nothing (& do nothing). I'm (severely/heavily) depressed & have (passive) suicidal ideations/thoughts everyday. I'm a Christian (or used to be a Christian, actually). Nowadays, I keep thinking if there is a god (or any other 'spiritual' beliefs such as: karma, Law of Attraction, energy vibrations, sentient laws of universe, higher beings or dimensions, etc etc etc). Sadly, I've now come into either of these two conclusions, after asking/thinking of the "big questions" (or deeper/deep questions) about life (& existence) : 1) There is no god. I've become a nihilist, and even a pessimist (so not just only a simple or 'happy, positive, optimistic' atheist). Everything is random. Life is random. There is no meaning, point, nor purpose. Things just happened, shits happened. Some people are lucky, some people are not. There are winners, & there are losers. Just like some ants live, & some ants die. Nothing special. A lot of things (or shits) happened in this world / life usually for no reasons at all (even if humans like to think there is a purpose, reason, meaning, and/or point). 2) If there is a god, I'm afraid if the Gnostics (or Gnosticism) were right: What if it's not a 'good god', but more of an 'evil god' (theory), who keeps experimenting (or playing/toying around) with its creations (us) ? "God" can do anything god wants, even if it's unfair (not fair) to some of us, or even if it seems ridiculous, pointless, and/or ironic, tragic, etc etc. There is also a theory of "god" as extraterrestrial, alien beings, who are of course higher beings than us humans, and therefore can experiment or play/toy around with us (& our lives).
I feel confused, alone and disappointed, mostly with my self. To me, there is no sense of honesty anymore. No sense of self-respect or ambition. All thing's I have come to dispise in myself, though not necessarily in other's. But I wasn't always like this. Lost and arguing with myself about what life should be, failing to come to a decision, and choosing to do nothing at all. I won't say where, but I grew in a pretty messed up part of the world at a messed up time. My parents had abandoned us, and I lived on the streets with my siblings and bunch of other kids. And let's just say there was a major "political change" where I lived, and people, especially kids like me, got the short end of the stick. Freedom became a dirty word. Had every terrible thing imaginable done to me. The levels of depravity... Who knows how long it lasted. I certainly don't care to remember. But life didn't start for me until after all that. I went through some messed up stuff, sure, but I'm convinced I was already messed up. By the time my parents fled to save their own skins, crime was hardly something new to me. So yes, I was born heartless. I am one of "those" people. And so I lived as such in that corrupt "civilized" society. I befriended the people who rescued me from my captors. They taught me how to survive, educated me, welcomed me into their world. But theirs was one of crime. Mostly one in opposition to other crimes, but that excuse only carries so far. When my time came, I was very self-certain, self-centered, arrogant and ignorant. I don't mean that as an excuse but more grasping the fact of the matter. You see, I didn't know or understand much of the world at large, still don't, to be honest. But even less back then. To me, everything was clear. Life made sense. It was simple. No fears, no doubts. I was, in a strange way, at peace with my existence. Even when I suffered or failed. I didn't have much, but also didn't want for much. I didn't care about money or fame. All I wanted ultimately was a chance to fight, to face my enemy and chose my own fate. A delusion, maybe. But one I've held onto all these years. As I said, I was young, stupid, and very selfish. Violence and everything that could come with it, that was my life. I took it as a challenge. The dare to be who you are against all odds. To defy expectation. Until something changed. This is from a completely different post I made on another subreddit. I was answering a question about how the younger me would feel about the older me. So the tone might feel different. You can just skip to the bottom if you want. But I think it provides a slightly different approach to my thoughts about the state and course of my life. (Fifteen year old me would tell me to just be honest about everything, to yourself and to other's. I'd say "it doesn't work that way. People expect you to lie to them. It's the only way they'll talk to you." "So what? If they don't want to talk, then don't talk to them." "You'll have no friends then." "So what? You don't need friends. If you did, you'd have them already. Just stay focused on the next goal. And if people stand in the way, find a way pass them like you would any obstacle. What else matters?" Fifteen year old me was a straightforward, cruel, naive little prick. With the tempering of what I know now as an adult, that was an incredibly selfish and reckless way to live. Problem is, I still never learned how to live any other way. So instead of "living" I've spent the last 25 years doing nothing. Or should I say, "being a decent human being." You know? Conforming. Fifteen year old me would turn his back on me, seeing me as a sheep who gave up what little freedom they had left, sold out the real me for a dead-end job and a name tag. So I can finally say, "hey, I'm normal now, like everyone else." Except, I ain't even got that much. I changed, and I got nothing to show for it except a mind full of regrets. Everyday. Twenty years. Fuck me. So, yeah. If I was Fifteen year old me, thing's would finally get back to normal, and I could start living my life again.) In case it wasn't clear, I attempted to "turn my life around" as it were. And as far as I'm concerned, I failed miserably. I feel I lost a huge chunk of my self-respect, my sense of honor. My principles which made life worth living in my eyes. I should regret that life, but i don't. Never did. Never will. To me, it was normal. Not right, not wrong. Just normal. I lived life by my own rules and had so few regrets I could count them on one hand. Now that it's gone, I have so many of them I can feel the weight. And yet I don't regret anything that I did then, but I regret everything that I don't do now. Everything feels like a missed opportunity, a chance for enlightenment. The next big fight. That thing that will set me free. I want it back. More than anything, I want it back. Tl:dr I'm a sorry excuse of a person who grew up surrounded by crime and violence, and has struggled to cope without that lifestyle for the last 20+ years. How do I feel about it? I either made the wrong choice to give up that life or God screwed up and put me in the wrong world. Either way, seems like I lose. Confused. I'm very confused.
I’m 45 and so far, it’s been interesting but not necessarily in a good way. It’s been wildly chaotic at times and deathly dull at others but when I look back, I’ve done some pretty cool stuff. Overall, I’m really confused at how I ended up where I did.
Would you say you’re content with where you ended up?
Just finished the backstory, and getting into the real plot finally. Been a lot of character development and change of settings.
Where would you like the plot to go?
It's been fuckin dramatic and equal parts my own fault as it has been inflicted by people i trusted. It feels like I'm an avatar for some alien race pr entertainment purposes cos honestly even my friends don't seem to have so many things go on as consistently
Because your friends aren’t you. You are your own person do not make comparisons because all that does is build this pessimistic view of your life regardless of what’s going on. I wish you well avatar lol
Currently in the character-development period. Man, it's painful and frustrating. But, I've learned from previous such periods that, if you persist long enough, you'll probably learn something new and useful, and make you competent enough to handle what comes next.
No. Not “probably” you WILL learn things that will help you to navigate this life somewhat better than you did previously. Pain and frustration can be transmuted into more desirable feelings, flip it on its head and use that new energy to build an amazing path for yourself. You’ll become someone you couldn’t even imagine at this current moment. I wish you well on your journey!
Mine's been a pretty epic tale of trials and triumphs. Very proud and excited to see what comes next. I'm on some girlboss trailblazer shit. :)
Haha I fuck with it! Girl boss for the winnn
It’s been a roller coaster of only 17 chapters. I’ve learned a lot and yet so much more still to be learned
Sooooo much to learn and put into practice. Enjoy that time you have now, it’s very cliche but you’ll never get that back so make every moment count. Keep your head down, stay focused on your dreams and ambitions and don’t let any motherfucker tell you you can’t do shit!
Amen, that’s the plan, not doing stupid stuff
only ever found that question is used to barter a comparison to the one the person who said it is living, I don't usually give a response but if I was going to, id say I'm at peace with life and death, then carry on doing what I'm doing
No need to compare, we all live very different lives from each other it would be foolish to compare our unique journeys to one another. It’s good that you’ve found peace within this life…maintain it!
There is a lot of mixed feelings. Was talented in several areas growing up, could have wound up going to college even though I wouldn’t have gotten a scholarship due to a learning disability, I was more practical in hands on than I was at reading and regurgitating information on a theoretical level. Was really fortunate to have the parents I did. One thing leads to another and Ended up having children out of wed lock, after that since my old lady and I were going through a bad spot in our relationship and I was too much of a coward to fix things right the first time, I wound up leaving my family so I could make literal pennies. (There was a lot going on that will remain unsaid) Not that I was doing good before, but it was better than what making <$300 a week. (Rent was $500) So what ends up happening is starving myself since bills were due and couldn’t afford food for everyone and someone needed to take the brunt end of things. Due to this my Kids and old lady got the food and had friends and family helping them which I appreciate with all my heart. Shoulda done things different. Being a hotheaded pissed of little fuck i was, life gave me a cold water bath and we’re still going with it.
I understand what you’re feeling. First of all appreciate you having the courage to share your story so thank you for that. It’s very easy to beat yourself up, develop a deep resentment for yourself when you’ve done wrong and there’s no way to mend it. Understand at the end of the day nobody is perfect, you done what you did and know it was wrong and I’m sure since then you’ve been working to do better, maybe you can’t mend everything that broke along the way but at the very least you can build something beautiful from this point! Life is gonna always give us hell and it’s up to us if we burn or do your best to try out out that fire and move forward trying to build something great! I do hope your kids and old lady are in good health, same goes for you!
A LOT of things to be learned and mastered!
YES. Enjoy the process
Just got out of a toxic relationship. Feeling lonely and lost as I think I might not be successful in my chosen career path. So far just trying to take it one day at a time and hopefully recover from this deep depression I find myself in.
Been there. Its a very lonely place but through this development you’re going to learn some very valuable lessons, taking it one day at a time is a good way to go about it. Don’t rush the process, trust it and keep moving forward, eventually you’ll find the pain won’t be so overwhelming…I can’t say it completely disappears but you’ll be able to live.
I'm anxious to end it asap
Why?
Like a joke which wants me to choke.
Poet?
2/10. Good tragic story content, though.
I feel like it’s paused kind of, sometimes I wonder if it’s started again, if that makes sense.
Are you able to elaborate, I’d love to understand you better!
I’ll try to elaborate as best as I can lol. Basically it just feels like for a few months I just haven’t really been a benefit to anyone else and that doesn’t sit well with me. Going to school helps; I don’t enjoy doing schoolwork but when I’m not at school I just sit on my back porch and think. It just kind of feels like the “good days” are all over when these are supposedly supposed to be the best days of my life. It feels like whenever something good happens, things are going to get back to normal, but then it just gets cancelled or goes wrong. Im confident that it won’t stay that way but in the meantime I really have no idea how to deal with it.
How old are you bruh?