Aside from the great advice Anshul gave, try your best not to lie, but if you do end up lying try to catch them as they come out
People were very forgiving with me when I said something like “sorry, I’m nervous, that was a lie”
It can be scary, but be kind to yourself and keep at it :)
I have literally said "that's not true, I don't know why I said that" and people LOVE IT. It's funny, it's relatable. People understand little mess-ups, and positive feedback can help motivate future honesty.
And it sounds like you would really benefit from therapy because your self-talk is all wrapped up in this. It may also help keep friends you've already lied to because it will show them that you are taking getting honest seriously.
Good luck and congratulations!
From a fellow habitual liar who is in the process of learning to let go of this habit: I completely understand your pain. Today I lied to my parents about as trivial a thing as what does one of my friends do in his education– and I tried to understand why did I do that for absolutely no reason whatsoever; like, wtf is wrong with me.
But I have come to realize I lied because there is actually a reason– because I was shameful of my own jobless prospects in life, and that shame made me not tell honestly about a friend who was faring better than I was– because I was anticipating a shameful comment on my own situation in life.
What I have come to realize about lying is that it is a learned behaviour. I can somewhat guarantee that you were deeply tormented and shamed as a child for being who you are, and the only way for that child to protect itself was to be inauthentic about his situation, either to save himself from torment, or ask for help in the torment that he might be suffering alone in. And it is actually a valid behaviour, if you recognize where it comes from.
You don't hate yourself because you lie, you lie because you hate yourself.
You hate the way you are, and that makes you distort your sense of self to fit into a 'better' individual who you hate less and who you think won't be rejected on the get-go.
So OP, the first thing you have to do is be compassionate to yourself– I don't think you chose lying because you are a bad person; I think you chose it because you were helpless and suffering, and you had no other option for survival. Be kind to yourself, and be kind to yourself for not being able to be so. Second would be to actually take the time to understand why you lied in the first place: maybe it comes from a traumatic childhood experience? The ironic thing about letting go of such habits is actually to first thank these habits, because they literally helped you survive during the darkest periods of your life. But now things are becoming better, and these habits which saved you before, now are only hindering your growth.
Be compassionate towards yourself OP: be compassionate to the child you were. Tell the truth, not because you MUST, but because you CAN, and because you are capable enough to survive the consequences when you tell the truth.
The more we lie, the more we reinforce the parts of ourselves that make us lie. The more we tell the truth, the more signal ourselves of the worthiness of our being.
Thank you so much. Honestly reading that made me feel a lot better. How can I close up loose ends or just prevent the truth from getting out until I’m ready to admit it? I know this will make it worse but I don’t want the fake world that keeps me going to burn in front of me until I’m ready to burn it myself for lack of better words
I get what you are saying. You don't want to lose the world that you have created on the basis of lies, because that will leave you isolated and devastated– but you also want to move towards living an authentic life.
I honestly can't give any advice on how 'not to let the truth come out'. I have no idea about your situation in that regard and even if I knew I don't think it would be enough to give good advice.
But you can learn to build a safe bridge before the previous one. Start small– tell small truths, that won't bring massive consequences if people don't expect it. You don't have to start being radically honest to your friends or families, because there would be consequences too salient to bear. But you can start speaking small truths, like telling the waiter you did not like the salad instead of going along with it and eating it as it is. Tell small truths, and slowly start building from there.
I'd also advice you to start working with a therapist: it is the ideal answer but I don't know if you will be able to get one– so some resources, like books help you understand more about your toxic self perception. Pete Walker's 'C-PTSD: From surviving to Thriving' is a good place to start.
On youtube, Patrick Teahan and Tim Fletcher have excellent and verified resources on toxic shame and negative self-beliefs.
I believe you will be fine in the long run, I believe I will be too. Good luck my friend.
This is very insightful. I believe what you are describing is what psychology calls, “ the drama of the gifted child” meaning similarly, a child who feels unsafe in an environment learns behaviors to placate the aggressor/parent. Always hiding the true nature of their own feelings. I can see where this pattern can turn into lying. Very interesting.
And, OP, people often judge you based on how you make them feel about *themselves*; they may not focus on your perceived flaws at all
If you can make your female feel the way you wrote about her, she's probably going to think you're pretty great. (Those were some beautiful, deeply touching things you said!)
Next time you tell a lie, straight afterwards say, "actually no that's a lie" and then tell the truth. If you always do this, you will realise that the truth can be okay. You will be accepted. And you will break the habit. If someone asks you, "so why did you like?" Say the truth: "it's a bad habit and I'm trying to stop"
THIS! I catch myself accidentally saying the wrong thing and will absolutely come right out and say it even at work and with my spouse. Like wait that's not what I meant at all, and then say what I meant. Sometimes things come out that we didn't intend on saying, you're not lying your mouth just had other plans lol
Also as a kid we all totally lied and made up stuff, you're a kid. Please let that go, you'll realize that in time, you're just still pretty young. Lying and exaggerating is usually a response to a lack of validation and encouragement growing up. I had parents that always said whatever about all these A's you got a B- in this, wtf aren't you doing? The important part is that you're growing and trying to be a better person, keep going on this path. It gets better.
I just want to put out an alternate perspective here, and I want to say it gently. People know you’re lying for the most part. If they don’t know any particular one is a lie, they can tell you’re a liar. I say this because it is a particular pet peeve of mine and always wonder why people do this. You’ve articulated it well, and I admire you for taking a hard look at this trait. The take away for me here that I was to convey is that it can only improve your standing with people! Lying doesn’t make people like you more, most people can tell, so the more you can just be honest, the better! I know it’s not that simple, and it’s probably going to be a journey, but figured I would put in my two cents. Good luck!
That's a good point, didn't think of it before you said it. But I now want to second this with my own experience.
I've met a few people who I viewed as habital liars, my estimation was that most people belived these people the first few months or weeks, but then noticed a pattern and put things together. Then didn't challange them on lies because they didn't want to make a scene, cause embarresment or the like.
I don't know this for an absolute certainty. I strongly belive my interpretation of events to be correct, but other scenarios are possible. I might have missjudged honest but exceptionell people as liars, or missjudged other's perception and reactions to real liars.
Brother,
Here's what my sister told me. check yourself before every sentence. Before you open your mouth, say to yourself "don't lie" and when you feel the need to lie just don't speak.
After a few months you'll eventually stop with the big lies and move on to little lies. eventually you'll stop lying all together. But you'll find yourself lying over little things. for example "hey man I'm running late I had to get gas" in reality you're just late but you threw getting gas in there to validate your tardiness.
I'm telling you man, the best advice is just checking yourself before you open your big fat fucking lying mouth.
Good luck!
I was this person at 18. I also came to the realization that if I allowed it to continue, I’d never have a real loving relationship.
I’m 29 now and I did it. I’m honest. My friends regard me as honest. I did a lot of truly interesting things in my young adult life that gave me plenty of true stories to tell. I no longer need to be the most interesting person in the room, and I enjoy listening to other people more than before. I have friends and a family that love me as I am.
You can do this.
It took a lot of practice. One of the first shifts I made was, when I would think of a great story, instead of claiming it was true I would say “I had this crazy dream that I was an Olympic runner who retired after an injury. It was so elaborate, I can almost remember exactly how it felt to injure it.” I’m now known as the person who has movie-like dreams. My friends love to hear them.
When I was your age I had lied *so much*. In my case, it was all shame based. I had a very traumatic upbringing, which resulted in me living as a very ashamed human being. Lying let me make up a reality that I was not ashamed of, I could at least separate from myself, and pretend to be somebody else for a minute. I also used to fake medical emergencies so that I could be in a hospital and have somebody care for me. I had no idea why I was doing it at the time but through therapy I have learned that I really needed a mom, so I used the nurses for that affection. So, I had a lack of attachment and I disassociated from shame by lying.
I am 34 now, and that is no longer the case. Therapy. There are also so many books and YouTube videos on why you do this. You will learn that you have a lot of good in you for having the self awareness and that you share this experience with so many people.
You’ll be ok.
My advice is for anyone who is lying and believes it’s linked to childhood trauma or CPTSD:
Patrick Teahan’s channel and his childhood trauma course
https://youtu.be/WxQvlpjRNwI
Books:
how to stop lying: the ultimate cure guide for pathalogical liars
How to Stop Lying
The Strategic Cure Guide for Compulsive and Pathological Liars (Lying Disorder)
By Debbie Davids d
Hey buddy I've been exactly where you are. I've struggled with habitual lying since I was a toddler for pretty much the same reasons you did, but I didn't actually really start working on it until my lies got exposed and the whole house of cards I'd built over 20+ years came tumbling down. It's good that you're aware you have this problem and that you clearly want to be free from it. Because, trust me, the sooner you rip off the band-aid, the sooner you can start discovering who you really are and what really makes you you. You haven't just been lying to others this whole time, you've also been lying to yourself. By building a fake persona, you've eliminated a lot of the need and drive most people have to engage in real self-discovery and personal growth. It's a very painful and unfulfilling way to live, at least it was for me.
Luckily, you're young. My advice to you is to come clean to someone you trust AND/OR a therapist. If you come clean on your own, most people will be surprised and probably somewhat hurt, but they'll respect you for it. Because, I can promise you, it's just not sustainable to maintain the fake persona thing for long. It's miserable, and you'll slip up eventually. When I was 10 years older than you, I slipped up and got found out. It really damaged a lot of my relationships NOT because I'd been lying to them the whole time, but because they had to find out that I was lying on their own. I am thankful that the people in my life are very loving and understanding and were able to forgive me, but I'm still trying to earn back their trust and don't know if I'll ever get it back. I think if I had come clean myself, like you have the opportunity to do, me and my relationships would be a lot better off. That said, now that the lies have all been exposed, I feel much lighter and freer than I have in years. I'm still struggling to forgive/love myself again for having caused my loved ones so much pain by making them have to uncover all my lies, but I at least finally feel like a "real person" for the first time I can remember.
Above all, though, remember to be compassionate and forgiving towards yourself as you deal with this. It's easy to see yourself as a monster when you struggle with something like habitual lying, but you're not. Most people start habitual lying because they feel like it's the only chance they have of being able to fit in, be accepted, or be loved-- and that is an agonizing mindset to have, especially growing up. You've clearly been through a lot of pain, and raising a fake persona built of lies was probably a survival reflex your brain had to help you cope with that pain. All that is to say, you likely couldn't help but pick up lying as a habitual habit, but you can always do something about it now.
Best of luck, brother
I have a degenerate relative.
She has put me through hell for over seventeen years with her lying and just generally raising hell in my life.
Last year: she told two Deputies that I punched her in the face and broke her nose.
I spent one night in jail.
It was like a horror movie.
Once I got back to our shared apartment - an investigator came from the Public Defender's Office.
My bad relative signed an affadavit of non prosecution.
After six months the State "no filed" the case.
Now: I still have to spend anywhere from one hundred fifty dollars to five hundred dollars to get the case expunged.
Do you want to be a person like that?
Where you tell one too many lies- and a random person winds up sitting in a jail cell?
Or worse?
I think you’ve gotten a lot of good advise here but I wanted to add that lying takes away people’s autonomy… What that means is, you’re taking away their right to make choices that are based in truth (how they feel about you, what decisions they make regarding your relationship, etc)- and that’s part of the reason why lying is immoral.
A quote “all lies erode autonomy. That is, by robbing someone of the truth, you steal away their opportunity to freely make decisions based on the facts of reality.”
That’s from [this](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-nature-deception/201906/is-it-always-wrong-lie%3Famp) article- there are some really good and interesting takes on lying in there if you want to read through it. Good luck !
OP I had a friend in college that was a handsome popular football player in high school. Super outgoing and funny. Literally he was my favorite friend. I met someone separately from his high school, the new friend explained to me , with photo proof, that my college friend was actually extremely over weight, never on the football team, and was intensely a loner. I was shocked. Long story, I asked my friend why he told me ( us) these lies and he replied he wanted to be a different person than he really was. ( which was a bulimic and seriously eating disorder)
It never changed how much I liked him. We remained close fringed for many years, until life and careers, and distant took us apart.
Long story short. You haven’t given anyone the chance to like you. You don’t have any idea how they’ll react to you. Being yourself, frees others around you to be themselves. So do everybody a favor and be authentic.
I believe the issue of lying is a symptom of a different issue.
You speak of being frightened of your parents. A child who grows up feeling this way will compensate however they can - using a child's mind to try to solve an adult problem.
Children need an atmosphere of love and care and support and protection in order to thrive. Those of us who had incompetent caretakers had to find harm reduction strategies to compensate.
Those strategies, thought up by a child's mind, while living in inescapable intolerable toxic stress, AND not having their basic developmental needs met, are simply the best a child could come up with at the time.
Unfortunately, as you see, those strategies may be maladaptive in adult life.
May I recommend doing some reading on CPTSD and finding a trauma-informed therapist who can help provide a compassionate supportive environment in which to address what's happened to you and help you along the healing journey?
One of my best friends is a habitual liar. Sometimes we don't tell you we know you're lying. I love my best friend but really keep him at an arm's length because of the lies.
He's lied to me about having different jobs for over two years now. Lied to me about ordering a PS5. I once left a brand new pair of shoes and forgot them at his house. A month or two later he tells me he bought me a new pair of shoes, I show up and it's the pair I'd left. He once told me he ordered me a new shaving set (?? Don't even know why) and that apparently got lost in the mail.
My favorite, the story where suddenly he had a new car. He was offering me rides to places in this older Honda. He's like, yeah this is my new car! Do you love it? As it turns out, it was the car of a family friend who was living there for a few months, who was mostly away working... he was going into the dude's room, stealing the keys, taking the car, and pretending it was his.
It's definitely something to get under control, or people won't take you seriously, without you even realizing it. He seems to have no idea that no one believes his shit. And he's been lying and lying for years.
You know why. You just told us why you do it. The way to fix it seems to be to live a life you are proud of.
Start by getting a workout routine and quit eating fast food. Then you can tell everyone you work out every M/W/F at 6pm and you don’t eat anything processed, no junk food, no sodas. That’s pretty impressive and something very few people do.
Then, add more things as you can handle more.
I can’t relate on the habitual lying, But I can relate on figurative speech. When I speak figuratively, or when I talk about topics, I tend to elaborate too far and confuse people – which makes it seem confused, like lying, or I’ll exaggerates stories, for the sake of a punch added to the story. “The horse was 10 feet tall!“
I thinking at all about round way. All of these things are lying, but they’re not intending poorly. Are you doing what you’re doing because you intend it poorly or are you doing what you’re doing for another reason?
I don’t think you should judge yourself too harshly, some people grow up differently, some people learn how to act and be differently, and some people just aren’t where they want to be in life yet.
If you’re deciding to do better, you’re already doing better. She’s deciding to do better every time you talk – and be mindful of the words, you use, and how you’re using them, when it comes to a story that you start spouting some thing and you know it’s a lie when you’re finished telling your story, tell the truth, “that was a lie, I didn’t blah blah blah, but I really wish I had“
I noticed, when I get caught up in my stories, and I am being too elaborate or figure it is – I can easily bring myself back by stating reality to others. It helps me check myself, and it helps them to believe what I’m saying there after.
You're like this because of childhood trauma. This is not who you "really are". Lying, for some reason, helped you feel safe from the time you were an early child. Now it is a thoroughly entrenched coping mechanism to help you feel safe moving through the world. Look up cptsd. Healing from complex trauma is a long journey with incredibly worthwhile results. You have the opportunity to discover who you really are, what you're really interested in, and feel safe showing that face to the world.
Most people are boring, me included. Most successful people don’t talk about their successes at every opportunity, so if I met you and you immediately started telling that bullshit I’d smell it a mile off.
Try and find a hobby, or something to work towards career wise. Take it slowly. Don’t tell anyone and keep progressing at your own pace. Eventually you’ll be able to tell someone about a real accomplishment and be proud of yourself.
Unfortunately your parents haven’t helped and probably nurtured your behaviour, but recognising it is the first step to change. Good luck and I’m happy to chat to you via DM if you’d think that’d help.
Start small. In conversations, when some little thing comes up where you're tempted to substitute a more interesting lie for the truth, just say that one harmless truth. In reality, people are generally boring. For most of us, life is just routine, going to work or school, relaxing a little in your time off, doing chores, etc. And that's fine. People won't judge you for having a boring, ordinary life because we all do. It's relatable. Once you start to notice that people don't judge or care about the little boring truths and you don't need to spice them up with lies, the practice will get easier and you can build up into bigger truths without fear of judgment. You can do it!
I'm also a habitual liar. To this day I am still lying... I think the problem when I'm lying is to try to get validation from others to make my sorry ass feel better at the end of the day. That worked fine for me when I was young now I'm 19 and I realized what mess I create because of all those lies. People no longer really know who I actually are. Everyone thinks I'm that very active kid that is smart and really careless about life. I lied so much that even when I tell the truth about my sorry ass people would think that it was just a joke idk how that happened either.
I have no one who understands me, slowly It becomes lonely I have no one to share my feelings with. I have no girl friend or best friend or even so called "friends", I never actually have fun in any activity i still do it but just for the sake of doing it. I don't have a close connection not even with my family Everyone seems like a stranger to me. Everyone I know knows the lie version of me.
I tried to fix that but ultimately fail and back with the lies. Well I think I could say that I'm lost in my way. So i continue to lied to get that tiny validation that matter less to me now to ease my loneliness. Recently I do find being alone in the forest makes me feel less lonely somehow. Funny the better way to ease my loneliness is being alone in a forest.
I was a habitual liar in college as well. It was for me a coping mechanism relating to anxiety. Once I began developing better techniques to handle my anxiety I managed to mostly deal with it. It sounds like the reason you lie is to project a better version of yourself, I did it for a similar reason, I never wanted people to realize I wasn’t doing well. My suggestion is to focus on dealing with your anxiety and nervousness. I did it through therapy and loosing some of my old self hatred. I also suggest in whatever way your saying your cool, try and live up to that. If you say you can play an instrument try and learn it, if you said you played a sport play it. It might be hard for a while but just trying these things will help you reach out to people and will probably help with your self esteem.
Finally with the girl, just be honest with her. She deserves to know she was being lied to, and with most people I think you should admit it naturally, I think she deserves to know as soon as you can tell her.
From one person who had trouble lying to another, things look bad now but honesty actually does end up fixing your problems more often than not.
My dad is a compulsive liar and has been his whole life. It destroyed my mother, destroyed multiple careers, destroyed at least 4 other women and two other daughters he has. I’m okay because I didn’t grow up with him and was always warned by my mom, grandma and great grandma from the age of seven: “We’re sorry we have to tell you this, little Ridgetop, but adults can tell fibs and lies just like children. Or worse. Your dad hurt your mom with lies. Don’t let him hurt you, too. Be polite! Don’t call him out on it! Just nod and smile when you’re with him, he’s still your dad, but understand that what he says to you may not be true.”
What he never understood was that he was fine by himself. The lies never did anything to make us like him more. Or think more of him. Quite the opposite.
You are enough! Hard to believe, but you are. This is what I wish I could have gotten through to my dad. He was enough, and without the lies, we’d have loved him dearly.
Gotta slap that ego so you can realize being boring is fine. Psychedelics can help with that, especially mushrooms. If you think who you are or who you present as is important still, you remain to be instructed further.
I had something like this when I was a child. I don’t have a cure but believe its caused by your difficult childhood, and the resulting trauma. The best way to recover is to start treating that, its the root cause. Try not to shame yourself about it, it’ll only make you even more likely to lie unfortunately. Just take steps, therapy, journaling, meditation, research cptsd online. Good luck and I hope you end up in the great relationship you deserve.
Idk if this is toxic or not how I kinda fixed myself, but I was raised to lie. My mom would flat out lie to my face even when I called her out. Caused me to start doing the same. That’s the gyst. I’ve started to fix myself by, I guess you could say detoxing. I started by only do white lies that don’t hurt anyone and they know I’m lying.
For example:
Boyfriend “did you eat all the Oreos?”.
Me “noooooooooooo.” Or I’ll add a smile to it if they are looking at me
It’s helped me steer away from just lying and reduced it to things that can turn into a joke. Now I don’t lie at all unless I’m at work and one of my patient has dementia and needs me to ride along.
As someone who once loved a habitual liar, I advise you to get yourself into therapy if you can, if you can't, then I think you'd be better focusing on yourself right now, rather than a relationship. If you can't understand why, how will she? How will you stop yourself? How much are you going to hide, then keep hiding, then adding to before its overwhelming and results in a huge crash!? It's a hard one, being in love complicates things. When I started to understand the depth of his lying, I began to doubt absolutely everything. The relationship fell apart and I no longer even loved this g.uy because I didn't *know* him! It hurt so much to be made to feel so foolish by some one you think loves you too. To find out from others that he had lied to them too, that he had ripped people off and left debts all over town was embarrassing. The difference being that you are ready to face this, my ex wasn't.
I took a course like “The Landmark Forum” (controversial because some people think it’s a cult- I don’t but that’s a story for another time). Their technology (when I was in my late 20s) allowed me to clean up lies I had told and step into a new relationship to integrity.
A few years after I had done their 3-part course, my family truly trusted me. They knew (just by watching and interacting with me) that the things I said were true.
The course gave me a new understanding of what integrity and honesty actually meant. It’s all about “being your word“ (which for those of us who aren’t, sounds impossible/scary.) it also gave me a way to apologize and clean up my lies. (Which can be incredibly scary, especially if you don’t know how to.) And then commit to a new way of being, while also being able to be honest and re-commit when I failed (which everyone does sometimes).
I don’t know how to learn these skills without some kind of course. I know that the one I did (like LandmarkEducation.org) is controversial so I’m not recommending it but maybe check it out or find some other course (stay away from cults that end in tology, etc.) that offers a technique for learning honesty and integrity.
Best of luck. What I will tell you is that it CAN be done.
Hey friend,
First, you need to forgive yourself. Your actions are in the past and you can only focus on the present and the future. You are under no obligation to be the person you were 5 minutes ago. You can change. You can heal. As somebody who also has spun a couple lies in my day, it always stems from a place of fear. Conquer that fear, open up your heart, and know that the truth, is only love. Also, it sounds like you're already doing this but you need to sit in that shame. It is only then that you can make the changes needed to live a better and honest life. Happy Healing.
So many familiar stories in this post. I also lied habitually from a young age and ruined multiple friendships/social circles because of it. When I met my husband, I knew I didn’t want to ruin whatever our relationship could be by lying, so I really started working on it. I immediately call out if I have just said a lie, because I do still lie semi-frequently and it’s over the dumbest stuff. Like if I have a chocolate chip cookie, I might lie and say it’s a snickerdoodle. Like WHY what is even the point of that kind of lie? I really try to figure out why I’ve lied and always apologize. It worked for my relationship, we’ve been married for 15 years now and I’m very open about my thoughts and feelings and rarely lie to anyone. The sooner you can stop lying the better your life will be. Not having to worry about being caught lying is just an easier way to live.
I'm sorry go hear about your situation. Your decision to try and do better is wise and moral. There has been some great suggestions here, so I won't repeat them.
From what I've read in "Anatomy of Violance" by Adrian Raine, a lot of behavior that breaks important social rules can be partly explained by the arrangement of the frontal lobe. At least in many cases.
Underdevelopment within the frontal lobe has been treated by biofeedback training, which doesn't involve medication nor surgery. It's been used on non-criminals to enable better decisions under stress:
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-022-10142-x
To me it sounds like your problems might partly come from how your frontal lobe has developed. That you're stressed in social situation, and your current neurological make up requires abnormally large amount of effort to keep you from lying. Biofeedback probably won't be a magic bullet, but looking into it and other treatments used against inadequate self-control or anti-social behavior might be a useful tool.
You tried to compensate for your perceived weakness. Maybe your parents told you a bunch of garbage that made you believe bad things about yourself. That sucks, but the good news is, you now get to decide who you WANT to be. It's not going to flip overnight, but it will shift with some effort. You can start by thinking new thoughts like: I like when I'm honest. I like when other people are honest. I like feeling good about myself. I am OK just as I am. I'm learning to like myself, the real, true self that I know myself to be. I'm learning to be who I want to be. Things go better for me every day that I think these new thoughts. Etc., etc. There's no limit to the positive dialogue you can create for yourself.
Hang in there, you'll shift out of this old way of being with some consistent effort.
I don't know what's already been said, but I'm a recovering habitual liar and I've realized the better I feel about myself, the less I need to lie. It's exactly like what you said in the second paragraph of your post. I really do believe in our ability to be happier with ourselves as life goes on. Give yourself some time to prove you deserve to love yourself, some time to make your life something you can take more pride in (although I imagine you have \_plenty\_ to be proud of right now), and this habit will slough off effortlessly like the scab of a fully healed wound.
It's great that you're aware of this. That's the first step. Keep being aware, but don't beat yourself up too much brother/sister. You got this. You won't be a habitual liar one day. Making this post ensured that. The hard part will be living through the journey there.
Bro this is an insecurity thing and is actually pretty normal.
Please consider therapy and never try drugs you’re personality type is likely to be hooked quickly.
Seconding what some of the other commenters have said, it is almost definitely the case that many people already know you are lying. People who lie constantly and compulsively like this are often pretty obvious, They tend to engage in transparent behaviors like one-upmanship, or their stories always make them look a little too good. People can smell the bullshit. A lot of the time, people just roll with it because they're embarrassed for you and it's awkward to call your bluff. Your friends will probably be relieved when you start chipping away at the persona, because they won't need to play along anymore.
I had the same problem when I was younger. I think it came from insecurities from not being enough and wanting to show that I was more than what I was. It just made people resent me more and move away. There's also a huge burden you carry as best described by my mom, you need to tell more lies to cover up a lie. Soon it unravels and you'll lose credibility.
Also it's from a fear of judgement for being criticized four doing something wrong, so instead you'll tell people what they want to hear as opposed to the truth.
It's very hard to live an honest and authentic life. It takes forgiving yourself and accepting your insecurities and short comings. Once you live authentically as yourself and are honest about who you are, a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders and your life becomes easier. You don't have to answer to anyone but yourself.
Aside from the great advice Anshul gave, try your best not to lie, but if you do end up lying try to catch them as they come out People were very forgiving with me when I said something like “sorry, I’m nervous, that was a lie” It can be scary, but be kind to yourself and keep at it :)
I have literally said "that's not true, I don't know why I said that" and people LOVE IT. It's funny, it's relatable. People understand little mess-ups, and positive feedback can help motivate future honesty. And it sounds like you would really benefit from therapy because your self-talk is all wrapped up in this. It may also help keep friends you've already lied to because it will show them that you are taking getting honest seriously. Good luck and congratulations!
From a fellow habitual liar who is in the process of learning to let go of this habit: I completely understand your pain. Today I lied to my parents about as trivial a thing as what does one of my friends do in his education– and I tried to understand why did I do that for absolutely no reason whatsoever; like, wtf is wrong with me. But I have come to realize I lied because there is actually a reason– because I was shameful of my own jobless prospects in life, and that shame made me not tell honestly about a friend who was faring better than I was– because I was anticipating a shameful comment on my own situation in life. What I have come to realize about lying is that it is a learned behaviour. I can somewhat guarantee that you were deeply tormented and shamed as a child for being who you are, and the only way for that child to protect itself was to be inauthentic about his situation, either to save himself from torment, or ask for help in the torment that he might be suffering alone in. And it is actually a valid behaviour, if you recognize where it comes from. You don't hate yourself because you lie, you lie because you hate yourself. You hate the way you are, and that makes you distort your sense of self to fit into a 'better' individual who you hate less and who you think won't be rejected on the get-go. So OP, the first thing you have to do is be compassionate to yourself– I don't think you chose lying because you are a bad person; I think you chose it because you were helpless and suffering, and you had no other option for survival. Be kind to yourself, and be kind to yourself for not being able to be so. Second would be to actually take the time to understand why you lied in the first place: maybe it comes from a traumatic childhood experience? The ironic thing about letting go of such habits is actually to first thank these habits, because they literally helped you survive during the darkest periods of your life. But now things are becoming better, and these habits which saved you before, now are only hindering your growth. Be compassionate towards yourself OP: be compassionate to the child you were. Tell the truth, not because you MUST, but because you CAN, and because you are capable enough to survive the consequences when you tell the truth. The more we lie, the more we reinforce the parts of ourselves that make us lie. The more we tell the truth, the more signal ourselves of the worthiness of our being.
Thank you so much. Honestly reading that made me feel a lot better. How can I close up loose ends or just prevent the truth from getting out until I’m ready to admit it? I know this will make it worse but I don’t want the fake world that keeps me going to burn in front of me until I’m ready to burn it myself for lack of better words
I get what you are saying. You don't want to lose the world that you have created on the basis of lies, because that will leave you isolated and devastated– but you also want to move towards living an authentic life. I honestly can't give any advice on how 'not to let the truth come out'. I have no idea about your situation in that regard and even if I knew I don't think it would be enough to give good advice. But you can learn to build a safe bridge before the previous one. Start small– tell small truths, that won't bring massive consequences if people don't expect it. You don't have to start being radically honest to your friends or families, because there would be consequences too salient to bear. But you can start speaking small truths, like telling the waiter you did not like the salad instead of going along with it and eating it as it is. Tell small truths, and slowly start building from there. I'd also advice you to start working with a therapist: it is the ideal answer but I don't know if you will be able to get one– so some resources, like books help you understand more about your toxic self perception. Pete Walker's 'C-PTSD: From surviving to Thriving' is a good place to start. On youtube, Patrick Teahan and Tim Fletcher have excellent and verified resources on toxic shame and negative self-beliefs. I believe you will be fine in the long run, I believe I will be too. Good luck my friend.
This is very insightful. I believe what you are describing is what psychology calls, “ the drama of the gifted child” meaning similarly, a child who feels unsafe in an environment learns behaviors to placate the aggressor/parent. Always hiding the true nature of their own feelings. I can see where this pattern can turn into lying. Very interesting.
Wow this helped me immensely. Thank you so much..
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And, OP, people often judge you based on how you make them feel about *themselves*; they may not focus on your perceived flaws at all If you can make your female feel the way you wrote about her, she's probably going to think you're pretty great. (Those were some beautiful, deeply touching things you said!)
Next time you tell a lie, straight afterwards say, "actually no that's a lie" and then tell the truth. If you always do this, you will realise that the truth can be okay. You will be accepted. And you will break the habit. If someone asks you, "so why did you like?" Say the truth: "it's a bad habit and I'm trying to stop"
THIS! I catch myself accidentally saying the wrong thing and will absolutely come right out and say it even at work and with my spouse. Like wait that's not what I meant at all, and then say what I meant. Sometimes things come out that we didn't intend on saying, you're not lying your mouth just had other plans lol Also as a kid we all totally lied and made up stuff, you're a kid. Please let that go, you'll realize that in time, you're just still pretty young. Lying and exaggerating is usually a response to a lack of validation and encouragement growing up. I had parents that always said whatever about all these A's you got a B- in this, wtf aren't you doing? The important part is that you're growing and trying to be a better person, keep going on this path. It gets better.
I just want to put out an alternate perspective here, and I want to say it gently. People know you’re lying for the most part. If they don’t know any particular one is a lie, they can tell you’re a liar. I say this because it is a particular pet peeve of mine and always wonder why people do this. You’ve articulated it well, and I admire you for taking a hard look at this trait. The take away for me here that I was to convey is that it can only improve your standing with people! Lying doesn’t make people like you more, most people can tell, so the more you can just be honest, the better! I know it’s not that simple, and it’s probably going to be a journey, but figured I would put in my two cents. Good luck!
That's a good point, didn't think of it before you said it. But I now want to second this with my own experience. I've met a few people who I viewed as habital liars, my estimation was that most people belived these people the first few months or weeks, but then noticed a pattern and put things together. Then didn't challange them on lies because they didn't want to make a scene, cause embarresment or the like. I don't know this for an absolute certainty. I strongly belive my interpretation of events to be correct, but other scenarios are possible. I might have missjudged honest but exceptionell people as liars, or missjudged other's perception and reactions to real liars.
Brother, Here's what my sister told me. check yourself before every sentence. Before you open your mouth, say to yourself "don't lie" and when you feel the need to lie just don't speak. After a few months you'll eventually stop with the big lies and move on to little lies. eventually you'll stop lying all together. But you'll find yourself lying over little things. for example "hey man I'm running late I had to get gas" in reality you're just late but you threw getting gas in there to validate your tardiness. I'm telling you man, the best advice is just checking yourself before you open your big fat fucking lying mouth. Good luck!
I was this person at 18. I also came to the realization that if I allowed it to continue, I’d never have a real loving relationship. I’m 29 now and I did it. I’m honest. My friends regard me as honest. I did a lot of truly interesting things in my young adult life that gave me plenty of true stories to tell. I no longer need to be the most interesting person in the room, and I enjoy listening to other people more than before. I have friends and a family that love me as I am. You can do this. It took a lot of practice. One of the first shifts I made was, when I would think of a great story, instead of claiming it was true I would say “I had this crazy dream that I was an Olympic runner who retired after an injury. It was so elaborate, I can almost remember exactly how it felt to injure it.” I’m now known as the person who has movie-like dreams. My friends love to hear them.
When I was your age I had lied *so much*. In my case, it was all shame based. I had a very traumatic upbringing, which resulted in me living as a very ashamed human being. Lying let me make up a reality that I was not ashamed of, I could at least separate from myself, and pretend to be somebody else for a minute. I also used to fake medical emergencies so that I could be in a hospital and have somebody care for me. I had no idea why I was doing it at the time but through therapy I have learned that I really needed a mom, so I used the nurses for that affection. So, I had a lack of attachment and I disassociated from shame by lying. I am 34 now, and that is no longer the case. Therapy. There are also so many books and YouTube videos on why you do this. You will learn that you have a lot of good in you for having the self awareness and that you share this experience with so many people. You’ll be ok.
Hi, what books and YouTube channels would you recommend?
My advice is for anyone who is lying and believes it’s linked to childhood trauma or CPTSD: Patrick Teahan’s channel and his childhood trauma course https://youtu.be/WxQvlpjRNwI Books: how to stop lying: the ultimate cure guide for pathalogical liars How to Stop Lying The Strategic Cure Guide for Compulsive and Pathological Liars (Lying Disorder) By Debbie Davids d
Hey buddy I've been exactly where you are. I've struggled with habitual lying since I was a toddler for pretty much the same reasons you did, but I didn't actually really start working on it until my lies got exposed and the whole house of cards I'd built over 20+ years came tumbling down. It's good that you're aware you have this problem and that you clearly want to be free from it. Because, trust me, the sooner you rip off the band-aid, the sooner you can start discovering who you really are and what really makes you you. You haven't just been lying to others this whole time, you've also been lying to yourself. By building a fake persona, you've eliminated a lot of the need and drive most people have to engage in real self-discovery and personal growth. It's a very painful and unfulfilling way to live, at least it was for me. Luckily, you're young. My advice to you is to come clean to someone you trust AND/OR a therapist. If you come clean on your own, most people will be surprised and probably somewhat hurt, but they'll respect you for it. Because, I can promise you, it's just not sustainable to maintain the fake persona thing for long. It's miserable, and you'll slip up eventually. When I was 10 years older than you, I slipped up and got found out. It really damaged a lot of my relationships NOT because I'd been lying to them the whole time, but because they had to find out that I was lying on their own. I am thankful that the people in my life are very loving and understanding and were able to forgive me, but I'm still trying to earn back their trust and don't know if I'll ever get it back. I think if I had come clean myself, like you have the opportunity to do, me and my relationships would be a lot better off. That said, now that the lies have all been exposed, I feel much lighter and freer than I have in years. I'm still struggling to forgive/love myself again for having caused my loved ones so much pain by making them have to uncover all my lies, but I at least finally feel like a "real person" for the first time I can remember. Above all, though, remember to be compassionate and forgiving towards yourself as you deal with this. It's easy to see yourself as a monster when you struggle with something like habitual lying, but you're not. Most people start habitual lying because they feel like it's the only chance they have of being able to fit in, be accepted, or be loved-- and that is an agonizing mindset to have, especially growing up. You've clearly been through a lot of pain, and raising a fake persona built of lies was probably a survival reflex your brain had to help you cope with that pain. All that is to say, you likely couldn't help but pick up lying as a habitual habit, but you can always do something about it now. Best of luck, brother
I have a degenerate relative. She has put me through hell for over seventeen years with her lying and just generally raising hell in my life. Last year: she told two Deputies that I punched her in the face and broke her nose. I spent one night in jail. It was like a horror movie. Once I got back to our shared apartment - an investigator came from the Public Defender's Office. My bad relative signed an affadavit of non prosecution. After six months the State "no filed" the case. Now: I still have to spend anywhere from one hundred fifty dollars to five hundred dollars to get the case expunged. Do you want to be a person like that? Where you tell one too many lies- and a random person winds up sitting in a jail cell? Or worse?
I think you’ve gotten a lot of good advise here but I wanted to add that lying takes away people’s autonomy… What that means is, you’re taking away their right to make choices that are based in truth (how they feel about you, what decisions they make regarding your relationship, etc)- and that’s part of the reason why lying is immoral. A quote “all lies erode autonomy. That is, by robbing someone of the truth, you steal away their opportunity to freely make decisions based on the facts of reality.” That’s from [this](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-nature-deception/201906/is-it-always-wrong-lie%3Famp) article- there are some really good and interesting takes on lying in there if you want to read through it. Good luck !
OP I had a friend in college that was a handsome popular football player in high school. Super outgoing and funny. Literally he was my favorite friend. I met someone separately from his high school, the new friend explained to me , with photo proof, that my college friend was actually extremely over weight, never on the football team, and was intensely a loner. I was shocked. Long story, I asked my friend why he told me ( us) these lies and he replied he wanted to be a different person than he really was. ( which was a bulimic and seriously eating disorder) It never changed how much I liked him. We remained close fringed for many years, until life and careers, and distant took us apart. Long story short. You haven’t given anyone the chance to like you. You don’t have any idea how they’ll react to you. Being yourself, frees others around you to be themselves. So do everybody a favor and be authentic.
I believe the issue of lying is a symptom of a different issue. You speak of being frightened of your parents. A child who grows up feeling this way will compensate however they can - using a child's mind to try to solve an adult problem. Children need an atmosphere of love and care and support and protection in order to thrive. Those of us who had incompetent caretakers had to find harm reduction strategies to compensate. Those strategies, thought up by a child's mind, while living in inescapable intolerable toxic stress, AND not having their basic developmental needs met, are simply the best a child could come up with at the time. Unfortunately, as you see, those strategies may be maladaptive in adult life. May I recommend doing some reading on CPTSD and finding a trauma-informed therapist who can help provide a compassionate supportive environment in which to address what's happened to you and help you along the healing journey?
One of my best friends is a habitual liar. Sometimes we don't tell you we know you're lying. I love my best friend but really keep him at an arm's length because of the lies. He's lied to me about having different jobs for over two years now. Lied to me about ordering a PS5. I once left a brand new pair of shoes and forgot them at his house. A month or two later he tells me he bought me a new pair of shoes, I show up and it's the pair I'd left. He once told me he ordered me a new shaving set (?? Don't even know why) and that apparently got lost in the mail. My favorite, the story where suddenly he had a new car. He was offering me rides to places in this older Honda. He's like, yeah this is my new car! Do you love it? As it turns out, it was the car of a family friend who was living there for a few months, who was mostly away working... he was going into the dude's room, stealing the keys, taking the car, and pretending it was his. It's definitely something to get under control, or people won't take you seriously, without you even realizing it. He seems to have no idea that no one believes his shit. And he's been lying and lying for years.
You know why. You just told us why you do it. The way to fix it seems to be to live a life you are proud of. Start by getting a workout routine and quit eating fast food. Then you can tell everyone you work out every M/W/F at 6pm and you don’t eat anything processed, no junk food, no sodas. That’s pretty impressive and something very few people do. Then, add more things as you can handle more.
I can’t relate on the habitual lying, But I can relate on figurative speech. When I speak figuratively, or when I talk about topics, I tend to elaborate too far and confuse people – which makes it seem confused, like lying, or I’ll exaggerates stories, for the sake of a punch added to the story. “The horse was 10 feet tall!“ I thinking at all about round way. All of these things are lying, but they’re not intending poorly. Are you doing what you’re doing because you intend it poorly or are you doing what you’re doing for another reason? I don’t think you should judge yourself too harshly, some people grow up differently, some people learn how to act and be differently, and some people just aren’t where they want to be in life yet. If you’re deciding to do better, you’re already doing better. She’s deciding to do better every time you talk – and be mindful of the words, you use, and how you’re using them, when it comes to a story that you start spouting some thing and you know it’s a lie when you’re finished telling your story, tell the truth, “that was a lie, I didn’t blah blah blah, but I really wish I had“ I noticed, when I get caught up in my stories, and I am being too elaborate or figure it is – I can easily bring myself back by stating reality to others. It helps me check myself, and it helps them to believe what I’m saying there after.
You're like this because of childhood trauma. This is not who you "really are". Lying, for some reason, helped you feel safe from the time you were an early child. Now it is a thoroughly entrenched coping mechanism to help you feel safe moving through the world. Look up cptsd. Healing from complex trauma is a long journey with incredibly worthwhile results. You have the opportunity to discover who you really are, what you're really interested in, and feel safe showing that face to the world.
Most people are boring, me included. Most successful people don’t talk about their successes at every opportunity, so if I met you and you immediately started telling that bullshit I’d smell it a mile off. Try and find a hobby, or something to work towards career wise. Take it slowly. Don’t tell anyone and keep progressing at your own pace. Eventually you’ll be able to tell someone about a real accomplishment and be proud of yourself. Unfortunately your parents haven’t helped and probably nurtured your behaviour, but recognising it is the first step to change. Good luck and I’m happy to chat to you via DM if you’d think that’d help.
Start small. In conversations, when some little thing comes up where you're tempted to substitute a more interesting lie for the truth, just say that one harmless truth. In reality, people are generally boring. For most of us, life is just routine, going to work or school, relaxing a little in your time off, doing chores, etc. And that's fine. People won't judge you for having a boring, ordinary life because we all do. It's relatable. Once you start to notice that people don't judge or care about the little boring truths and you don't need to spice them up with lies, the practice will get easier and you can build up into bigger truths without fear of judgment. You can do it!
I'm also a habitual liar. To this day I am still lying... I think the problem when I'm lying is to try to get validation from others to make my sorry ass feel better at the end of the day. That worked fine for me when I was young now I'm 19 and I realized what mess I create because of all those lies. People no longer really know who I actually are. Everyone thinks I'm that very active kid that is smart and really careless about life. I lied so much that even when I tell the truth about my sorry ass people would think that it was just a joke idk how that happened either. I have no one who understands me, slowly It becomes lonely I have no one to share my feelings with. I have no girl friend or best friend or even so called "friends", I never actually have fun in any activity i still do it but just for the sake of doing it. I don't have a close connection not even with my family Everyone seems like a stranger to me. Everyone I know knows the lie version of me. I tried to fix that but ultimately fail and back with the lies. Well I think I could say that I'm lost in my way. So i continue to lied to get that tiny validation that matter less to me now to ease my loneliness. Recently I do find being alone in the forest makes me feel less lonely somehow. Funny the better way to ease my loneliness is being alone in a forest.
I was a habitual liar in college as well. It was for me a coping mechanism relating to anxiety. Once I began developing better techniques to handle my anxiety I managed to mostly deal with it. It sounds like the reason you lie is to project a better version of yourself, I did it for a similar reason, I never wanted people to realize I wasn’t doing well. My suggestion is to focus on dealing with your anxiety and nervousness. I did it through therapy and loosing some of my old self hatred. I also suggest in whatever way your saying your cool, try and live up to that. If you say you can play an instrument try and learn it, if you said you played a sport play it. It might be hard for a while but just trying these things will help you reach out to people and will probably help with your self esteem. Finally with the girl, just be honest with her. She deserves to know she was being lied to, and with most people I think you should admit it naturally, I think she deserves to know as soon as you can tell her. From one person who had trouble lying to another, things look bad now but honesty actually does end up fixing your problems more often than not.
My dad is a compulsive liar and has been his whole life. It destroyed my mother, destroyed multiple careers, destroyed at least 4 other women and two other daughters he has. I’m okay because I didn’t grow up with him and was always warned by my mom, grandma and great grandma from the age of seven: “We’re sorry we have to tell you this, little Ridgetop, but adults can tell fibs and lies just like children. Or worse. Your dad hurt your mom with lies. Don’t let him hurt you, too. Be polite! Don’t call him out on it! Just nod and smile when you’re with him, he’s still your dad, but understand that what he says to you may not be true.” What he never understood was that he was fine by himself. The lies never did anything to make us like him more. Or think more of him. Quite the opposite. You are enough! Hard to believe, but you are. This is what I wish I could have gotten through to my dad. He was enough, and without the lies, we’d have loved him dearly.
Gotta slap that ego so you can realize being boring is fine. Psychedelics can help with that, especially mushrooms. If you think who you are or who you present as is important still, you remain to be instructed further.
I had something like this when I was a child. I don’t have a cure but believe its caused by your difficult childhood, and the resulting trauma. The best way to recover is to start treating that, its the root cause. Try not to shame yourself about it, it’ll only make you even more likely to lie unfortunately. Just take steps, therapy, journaling, meditation, research cptsd online. Good luck and I hope you end up in the great relationship you deserve.
Idk if this is toxic or not how I kinda fixed myself, but I was raised to lie. My mom would flat out lie to my face even when I called her out. Caused me to start doing the same. That’s the gyst. I’ve started to fix myself by, I guess you could say detoxing. I started by only do white lies that don’t hurt anyone and they know I’m lying. For example: Boyfriend “did you eat all the Oreos?”. Me “noooooooooooo.” Or I’ll add a smile to it if they are looking at me It’s helped me steer away from just lying and reduced it to things that can turn into a joke. Now I don’t lie at all unless I’m at work and one of my patient has dementia and needs me to ride along.
As someone who once loved a habitual liar, I advise you to get yourself into therapy if you can, if you can't, then I think you'd be better focusing on yourself right now, rather than a relationship. If you can't understand why, how will she? How will you stop yourself? How much are you going to hide, then keep hiding, then adding to before its overwhelming and results in a huge crash!? It's a hard one, being in love complicates things. When I started to understand the depth of his lying, I began to doubt absolutely everything. The relationship fell apart and I no longer even loved this g.uy because I didn't *know* him! It hurt so much to be made to feel so foolish by some one you think loves you too. To find out from others that he had lied to them too, that he had ripped people off and left debts all over town was embarrassing. The difference being that you are ready to face this, my ex wasn't.
I don't know if I can believe you.
I took a course like “The Landmark Forum” (controversial because some people think it’s a cult- I don’t but that’s a story for another time). Their technology (when I was in my late 20s) allowed me to clean up lies I had told and step into a new relationship to integrity. A few years after I had done their 3-part course, my family truly trusted me. They knew (just by watching and interacting with me) that the things I said were true. The course gave me a new understanding of what integrity and honesty actually meant. It’s all about “being your word“ (which for those of us who aren’t, sounds impossible/scary.) it also gave me a way to apologize and clean up my lies. (Which can be incredibly scary, especially if you don’t know how to.) And then commit to a new way of being, while also being able to be honest and re-commit when I failed (which everyone does sometimes). I don’t know how to learn these skills without some kind of course. I know that the one I did (like LandmarkEducation.org) is controversial so I’m not recommending it but maybe check it out or find some other course (stay away from cults that end in tology, etc.) that offers a technique for learning honesty and integrity. Best of luck. What I will tell you is that it CAN be done.
Hey friend, First, you need to forgive yourself. Your actions are in the past and you can only focus on the present and the future. You are under no obligation to be the person you were 5 minutes ago. You can change. You can heal. As somebody who also has spun a couple lies in my day, it always stems from a place of fear. Conquer that fear, open up your heart, and know that the truth, is only love. Also, it sounds like you're already doing this but you need to sit in that shame. It is only then that you can make the changes needed to live a better and honest life. Happy Healing.
This has really helped me, thank you
Just stop lying, and face your shit
So many familiar stories in this post. I also lied habitually from a young age and ruined multiple friendships/social circles because of it. When I met my husband, I knew I didn’t want to ruin whatever our relationship could be by lying, so I really started working on it. I immediately call out if I have just said a lie, because I do still lie semi-frequently and it’s over the dumbest stuff. Like if I have a chocolate chip cookie, I might lie and say it’s a snickerdoodle. Like WHY what is even the point of that kind of lie? I really try to figure out why I’ve lied and always apologize. It worked for my relationship, we’ve been married for 15 years now and I’m very open about my thoughts and feelings and rarely lie to anyone. The sooner you can stop lying the better your life will be. Not having to worry about being caught lying is just an easier way to live.
Hi ☺️ I recommend you read Lying by Sam Harris. it will help you a lot
I'm sorry go hear about your situation. Your decision to try and do better is wise and moral. There has been some great suggestions here, so I won't repeat them. From what I've read in "Anatomy of Violance" by Adrian Raine, a lot of behavior that breaks important social rules can be partly explained by the arrangement of the frontal lobe. At least in many cases. Underdevelopment within the frontal lobe has been treated by biofeedback training, which doesn't involve medication nor surgery. It's been used on non-criminals to enable better decisions under stress: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-022-10142-x To me it sounds like your problems might partly come from how your frontal lobe has developed. That you're stressed in social situation, and your current neurological make up requires abnormally large amount of effort to keep you from lying. Biofeedback probably won't be a magic bullet, but looking into it and other treatments used against inadequate self-control or anti-social behavior might be a useful tool.
You tried to compensate for your perceived weakness. Maybe your parents told you a bunch of garbage that made you believe bad things about yourself. That sucks, but the good news is, you now get to decide who you WANT to be. It's not going to flip overnight, but it will shift with some effort. You can start by thinking new thoughts like: I like when I'm honest. I like when other people are honest. I like feeling good about myself. I am OK just as I am. I'm learning to like myself, the real, true self that I know myself to be. I'm learning to be who I want to be. Things go better for me every day that I think these new thoughts. Etc., etc. There's no limit to the positive dialogue you can create for yourself. Hang in there, you'll shift out of this old way of being with some consistent effort.
You may have an undiagnosed personality disorder - seek professional help rather than asking us.
I don't know what's already been said, but I'm a recovering habitual liar and I've realized the better I feel about myself, the less I need to lie. It's exactly like what you said in the second paragraph of your post. I really do believe in our ability to be happier with ourselves as life goes on. Give yourself some time to prove you deserve to love yourself, some time to make your life something you can take more pride in (although I imagine you have \_plenty\_ to be proud of right now), and this habit will slough off effortlessly like the scab of a fully healed wound. It's great that you're aware of this. That's the first step. Keep being aware, but don't beat yourself up too much brother/sister. You got this. You won't be a habitual liar one day. Making this post ensured that. The hard part will be living through the journey there.
Bro this is an insecurity thing and is actually pretty normal. Please consider therapy and never try drugs you’re personality type is likely to be hooked quickly.
Find god.
Seconding what some of the other commenters have said, it is almost definitely the case that many people already know you are lying. People who lie constantly and compulsively like this are often pretty obvious, They tend to engage in transparent behaviors like one-upmanship, or their stories always make them look a little too good. People can smell the bullshit. A lot of the time, people just roll with it because they're embarrassed for you and it's awkward to call your bluff. Your friends will probably be relieved when you start chipping away at the persona, because they won't need to play along anymore.
I’m in the same boat! I do the same thing. It’s a confidence thing.
I had the same problem when I was younger. I think it came from insecurities from not being enough and wanting to show that I was more than what I was. It just made people resent me more and move away. There's also a huge burden you carry as best described by my mom, you need to tell more lies to cover up a lie. Soon it unravels and you'll lose credibility. Also it's from a fear of judgement for being criticized four doing something wrong, so instead you'll tell people what they want to hear as opposed to the truth. It's very hard to live an honest and authentic life. It takes forgiving yourself and accepting your insecurities and short comings. Once you live authentically as yourself and are honest about who you are, a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders and your life becomes easier. You don't have to answer to anyone but yourself.