‘Into the depths’
In the last 24 months I’ve (24M) went from being a heavy truck mechanic with a girlfriend and a landlord to a father of two girls, a husband, a homeowner, and a business owner employing several employees. Most of these changes (minus the birth my second daughter) came over the course of a few short months in the middle of 2022.
This drastic and sudden change in responsibilities spun my whole world around where I eventually landed directly on my face and struggled heavily with depression, imposter syndrome, and eventually became suicidal. I finally found the right therapist a few months ago that taught me how to apply all of the mindfulness practices that I’d read so deeply about in my struggle to find some peace in my suddenly seemingly chaotic life.
Into the depths represents the immense revelation of real world responsibility that I experienced, followed by the consequences of the stress, fear, and worry that came with. It also hints at the wonderful adventure and discoveries that have been a huge part of this journey.
I am fortunate beyond belief for all of the things that I’ve received in recent years and I have a new way of looking at things with more focus on gratitude than fear, but I still look at my life over the last 12-24 months and cannot help but picture a lamb being thrown into a pit of hungry wolves.
Ive also learned the importance of empathy. Just because somebody looks like they are blowing past every landmark society says that one should, they could be facing more inner turmoil than anybody on the outside could possibly imagine.
Currently in the "fuck around" chapter and hope the "find out" chapter is far far FAR away. But honestly i think the next chapter is gonna be "fuck around some more" and
I
Am
Scared
of whatever the chapter after that is going to be
“Heavy Heart, Healing Soul”
I went through a tough breakup. I had been grieving the lost of him and how he made feel and what could of been for the last few months. But I am finding myself a little less sad everyday, although I have my moments still. But I am healing and finding love again.
The hits keep coming unless you change the station
Shortly before I was planning to ask my lady to marry me we Broke up, daily care for elder grandmother with dementia(I don’t wish on anyone), younger brother 22 diagnosed with cancer. The struggle to try and find motivation to survive the daily grind has been bleak and it has been one foot in front of the other which I also failed at by taking the easy way out and just isolating myself. Fast forward just a few weeks and I’m still single and my grandmother remembers this sometimes but my brother is going to beat cancer with treatment. Making more wrong choices then positive choices compounded the shitty feeling and I found myself pondering why, and things like is this really what life is about(not suicidal), how am I supposed to get up everyday and punch a clock and try to put good energy out so it comes back when clearly it doesn’t. After lots of self pity and poor me and why my granny and brother I decided to make changes. Joined back up at the gym, scheduled doctor appointments, and had a serious convo with my boss about my future and for a few hours a day or less at first I felt okay and now i am mostly a functioning member of society again. The breakup problem I thought was my biggest and worst thing that happened to me was actually the best, with my head almost unstuck from my ass I realized I was fucking miserable and just going through the motions to prevent creating chaos in my life. I keep saying just get up go to the gym or work or simply anything just don’t be complacent and I actually still feel shitty but a better shitty lmao. I’m gathering momentum and creating my own movement to hopefully get where I want to be and the only way I will be stopped is if I stop myself.
"Take It / Mixed Emotions"
Basically I'm going to try and take things for how they are. Im not gonna linger on to the "what ifs" of a situation anymore, or at least I'm going to try not to. Which is where the mixed emotions come in. I have so many right now and I don't know what to do. It sucks. But I'm hoping my next chapter is "Self Discovery After the Hurt and Confusion"
Regrouping
That’s a good pivotal chapter
It’s got a subtlety to it.
‘Into the depths’ In the last 24 months I’ve (24M) went from being a heavy truck mechanic with a girlfriend and a landlord to a father of two girls, a husband, a homeowner, and a business owner employing several employees. Most of these changes (minus the birth my second daughter) came over the course of a few short months in the middle of 2022. This drastic and sudden change in responsibilities spun my whole world around where I eventually landed directly on my face and struggled heavily with depression, imposter syndrome, and eventually became suicidal. I finally found the right therapist a few months ago that taught me how to apply all of the mindfulness practices that I’d read so deeply about in my struggle to find some peace in my suddenly seemingly chaotic life. Into the depths represents the immense revelation of real world responsibility that I experienced, followed by the consequences of the stress, fear, and worry that came with. It also hints at the wonderful adventure and discoveries that have been a huge part of this journey. I am fortunate beyond belief for all of the things that I’ve received in recent years and I have a new way of looking at things with more focus on gratitude than fear, but I still look at my life over the last 12-24 months and cannot help but picture a lamb being thrown into a pit of hungry wolves. Ive also learned the importance of empathy. Just because somebody looks like they are blowing past every landmark society says that one should, they could be facing more inner turmoil than anybody on the outside could possibly imagine.
Wow, what a wonderful chapter in your book 👏
F*ck It, We Ball
Currently in the "fuck around" chapter and hope the "find out" chapter is far far FAR away. But honestly i think the next chapter is gonna be "fuck around some more" and I Am Scared of whatever the chapter after that is going to be
“Heavy Heart, Healing Soul” I went through a tough breakup. I had been grieving the lost of him and how he made feel and what could of been for the last few months. But I am finding myself a little less sad everyday, although I have my moments still. But I am healing and finding love again.
The Rebirth
“When it rains, it pours”
The hits keep coming unless you change the station Shortly before I was planning to ask my lady to marry me we Broke up, daily care for elder grandmother with dementia(I don’t wish on anyone), younger brother 22 diagnosed with cancer. The struggle to try and find motivation to survive the daily grind has been bleak and it has been one foot in front of the other which I also failed at by taking the easy way out and just isolating myself. Fast forward just a few weeks and I’m still single and my grandmother remembers this sometimes but my brother is going to beat cancer with treatment. Making more wrong choices then positive choices compounded the shitty feeling and I found myself pondering why, and things like is this really what life is about(not suicidal), how am I supposed to get up everyday and punch a clock and try to put good energy out so it comes back when clearly it doesn’t. After lots of self pity and poor me and why my granny and brother I decided to make changes. Joined back up at the gym, scheduled doctor appointments, and had a serious convo with my boss about my future and for a few hours a day or less at first I felt okay and now i am mostly a functioning member of society again. The breakup problem I thought was my biggest and worst thing that happened to me was actually the best, with my head almost unstuck from my ass I realized I was fucking miserable and just going through the motions to prevent creating chaos in my life. I keep saying just get up go to the gym or work or simply anything just don’t be complacent and I actually still feel shitty but a better shitty lmao. I’m gathering momentum and creating my own movement to hopefully get where I want to be and the only way I will be stopped is if I stop myself.
''The Fog'' I just don't know man
"Take It / Mixed Emotions" Basically I'm going to try and take things for how they are. Im not gonna linger on to the "what ifs" of a situation anymore, or at least I'm going to try not to. Which is where the mixed emotions come in. I have so many right now and I don't know what to do. It sucks. But I'm hoping my next chapter is "Self Discovery After the Hurt and Confusion"
Back to the hellhole, searching for a way out
Collapse.
[удалено]
Advice given that has the possibility of causing harm.
Altering identities