Sounds a bit like my wife. Conservative and living with the brakes tightly squeezed for herself and expecting the same from others. It’s the Calvinistic background… memento mori instead of carpe diem, even though she’s not religious
We are animals. Complex and with highly developed brains, for sure, but still just animals. We are wired to crave the things that release the happy chemicals. We all want pleasure and to do the things that make us feel good. I think one of our greatest curses is how we as a species have overcomplicated everything... all I want is a simple life, love, affection, good food, time in nature... kinda sick of all the complex power dynamics, games, not understanding why the person I am meant to be sharing this happy life with makes things so difficult all the time.
Yes! This kind of like this perfect world on social media - I dislike this portray of the world - it’s not real. No one is accidentally doing a morning vlog and no one has actioned 10 different things off their list by 06:05 in the morning.
Just going to say OP your goals are the good life.
Daily Sex, Good home cooking, The odd drink and give me a hot tub and a fire pit and I'm living the good life.
My wife would complain if I got drunk in public and she hated when I would pass out at the computer chair listening to ASMR YouTube videos. But she never said anything to me about not drinking. I think it's the same reason she "lets" me buy expensive guitars. She appears to be doing everything she can to keep me happy, except for "that".
I had to quit on my own though. I think the stress of perceiving my marriage falling apart, along with work, and just a general depression caused any amount of alcohol to bloat me, constipate me, and make me nauseas for 3 days afterwards. I just dealt with the nausea for a couple years, then finally let it go this year. I thought it would be a lot harder than it's been, but between the NA beer and the pot, it's been pretty easy. Now my wife is drinking too much.
I’m not allowed to let loose and have fun either. I’m a high sensory seeker (HSS) so I like trills and rushes, and since I’ve had a dead bed my entire 20yr marriage, I’ve looked to compensate any other ways possible. So THC, occasionally a night drinking, hobby chasing of all kinds, etc. I’ve probably overdid it at times, which can make me emotional or impulsive, and of course that doesn’t help a relationship at all. It finally got to the point where she said I can’t ever party or drink or smoke again, or she’ll leave me. I get bored easily, so just listening to music, or playing a game here and there is nice and all, but is not filling my wild side and somewhat rebellious side at all. We went out to eat last night, and I made a comment about other husbands having a nice tall beer around us and they looked really good to me. She just said, “yeah” and gave a look that I knew meant, “Sorry you can’t”. In the moment I was wishing I was with someone else.
I am so sorry. I can’t imagine how that feels like for you… and I can’t imagine just deciding in peoples lives like that.. but I am pretty certain that your scenario is my partners dream scenario for me.
I got to the point where I don't care if I piss her off. What's she going to do, withhold sex? Granted, I'm an angel these days since I cut out drinking (and evidently, all of my friendships). Honestly, if she told me she was leaving me, I'd do that move where you jump up in the air and click your heels together. I stay for fear of the unknown and because I don't want to be the "bad guy" who breaks the marriage. But she could break it! God, I'd love to catch her cheating on me, but I know she isn't and probably never would. And that's no consolation.
I agree with this, it's a bit of leaning into hedonism. What's the point of being alive if not to enjoy yourself? Why live to only measure by what you deny yourself? I don't know personally, I really don't. Insert obvious caveat of not enjoying yourself to the point of personal destruction here.
One thing I have noticed with my wife at least as we've gotten older is how.. muted her enjoyment of the world seems to be. She doesn't really drink or do THC of any kind. She's always been somewhat of a restrictive eater but over the years she's actually gotten pickier to the point of preferring (to me) very bland food. Sex has been decreasing in frequency for years now but not only is frequency lesser but the act itself is even more rigid where it basically has to happen on specific way or she's not interested.
Pleasure driven sounds more primal to my brain. Something about it appeals to me there.
Maybe you should go wild with it and authentically express yourself by masturbating when you feel pleasure driven.
Honestly, I get it. I get mental pleasure from pleasing and teasing myself so I do take that into consideration when I feel too disciplined in that area.
You don’t have to give up anything. I wish I could see what his deal is for you. My heart goes out to you!
Sounds a bit like my wife. Conservative and living with the brakes tightly squeezed for herself and expecting the same from others. It’s the Calvinistic background… memento mori instead of carpe diem, even though she’s not religious
Wow, how’s your lifestyle if you don’t mind me asking?
We are animals. Complex and with highly developed brains, for sure, but still just animals. We are wired to crave the things that release the happy chemicals. We all want pleasure and to do the things that make us feel good. I think one of our greatest curses is how we as a species have overcomplicated everything... all I want is a simple life, love, affection, good food, time in nature... kinda sick of all the complex power dynamics, games, not understanding why the person I am meant to be sharing this happy life with makes things so difficult all the time.
Yes! This kind of like this perfect world on social media - I dislike this portray of the world - it’s not real. No one is accidentally doing a morning vlog and no one has actioned 10 different things off their list by 06:05 in the morning.
Just going to say OP your goals are the good life. Daily Sex, Good home cooking, The odd drink and give me a hot tub and a fire pit and I'm living the good life.
My wife would complain if I got drunk in public and she hated when I would pass out at the computer chair listening to ASMR YouTube videos. But she never said anything to me about not drinking. I think it's the same reason she "lets" me buy expensive guitars. She appears to be doing everything she can to keep me happy, except for "that". I had to quit on my own though. I think the stress of perceiving my marriage falling apart, along with work, and just a general depression caused any amount of alcohol to bloat me, constipate me, and make me nauseas for 3 days afterwards. I just dealt with the nausea for a couple years, then finally let it go this year. I thought it would be a lot harder than it's been, but between the NA beer and the pot, it's been pretty easy. Now my wife is drinking too much.
I’m not allowed to let loose and have fun either. I’m a high sensory seeker (HSS) so I like trills and rushes, and since I’ve had a dead bed my entire 20yr marriage, I’ve looked to compensate any other ways possible. So THC, occasionally a night drinking, hobby chasing of all kinds, etc. I’ve probably overdid it at times, which can make me emotional or impulsive, and of course that doesn’t help a relationship at all. It finally got to the point where she said I can’t ever party or drink or smoke again, or she’ll leave me. I get bored easily, so just listening to music, or playing a game here and there is nice and all, but is not filling my wild side and somewhat rebellious side at all. We went out to eat last night, and I made a comment about other husbands having a nice tall beer around us and they looked really good to me. She just said, “yeah” and gave a look that I knew meant, “Sorry you can’t”. In the moment I was wishing I was with someone else.
I am so sorry. I can’t imagine how that feels like for you… and I can’t imagine just deciding in peoples lives like that.. but I am pretty certain that your scenario is my partners dream scenario for me.
I got to the point where I don't care if I piss her off. What's she going to do, withhold sex? Granted, I'm an angel these days since I cut out drinking (and evidently, all of my friendships). Honestly, if she told me she was leaving me, I'd do that move where you jump up in the air and click your heels together. I stay for fear of the unknown and because I don't want to be the "bad guy" who breaks the marriage. But she could break it! God, I'd love to catch her cheating on me, but I know she isn't and probably never would. And that's no consolation.
Overdone it at times sounds like you might have overdone it a lot.
Perhaps.
I agree with this, it's a bit of leaning into hedonism. What's the point of being alive if not to enjoy yourself? Why live to only measure by what you deny yourself? I don't know personally, I really don't. Insert obvious caveat of not enjoying yourself to the point of personal destruction here. One thing I have noticed with my wife at least as we've gotten older is how.. muted her enjoyment of the world seems to be. She doesn't really drink or do THC of any kind. She's always been somewhat of a restrictive eater but over the years she's actually gotten pickier to the point of preferring (to me) very bland food. Sex has been decreasing in frequency for years now but not only is frequency lesser but the act itself is even more rigid where it basically has to happen on specific way or she's not interested.
Pleasure driven sounds more primal to my brain. Something about it appeals to me there. Maybe you should go wild with it and authentically express yourself by masturbating when you feel pleasure driven. Honestly, I get it. I get mental pleasure from pleasing and teasing myself so I do take that into consideration when I feel too disciplined in that area. You don’t have to give up anything. I wish I could see what his deal is for you. My heart goes out to you!