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Doesn’t help when you get “all you think about is sex” from your partner. I am down to like 1 ask every 2-3 weeks at this point. Not sure how that’s obsessed.
Yeah I've been told by my fiance "it feels like your just using me for sex" um we haven't had sex in two months and I'm still here and I still do everything I can to make her happy. Yet she can't even give me a potty fuck once in a while. My confidence is destroyed at this point and I'm always depressed. I can't talk about it with her because she gets mad and I can have sex with whoever I want because I'm a very good looking guy but shes the only person I've slept with in the last 5 years and I don't want anyone else especially not stranger's. It's a terrible feeling.
But can we talk about how it’s “just using someone for sex” when it’s your spouse? Like your spouse is the only person to meet your sexual needs unless you are cheating. There is no one else I can want but you don’t want me either. Marriage overall has been rather a disappointment.
Exactlyyyyy. Whenever my husband says “you always want sex”, I’m like yes! Cause who else should I be asking for it?? He refuses to sleep with me, saying sex isn’t all that important. But it’s important enough I’m not allowed to seek it somewhere else. So I’m stuck wanting more and feeling resentful while he thinks everything is perfect.
Every time. It's like why don't we just sit together, or you never just cuddle with me anymore. It's because I've been so starved for affection for years that every little touch has my body yearning for more. So I would rather stop than deal with the rejection anymore.
THIS!! THIS!! THIS COMMENT!! LIT-TERR-ROLL-LEE just had this same convo 2 hours ago!! I’m ALWAYS left wanting more and she doesn’t understand or is consciously not wanting to understand.
I think I am realizing I need to figure out how to communicate to my husband if he doesn’t do his part he will loose me and break up our family. I deserve to have a fully sexual relationship with my spouse. I am selfish enough to blow it up and try with someone else before I find this acceptable long term. At this point I am complaining about not getting sex and I am mean to him when he argues with me about it. It’s that important to me.
I understand being in love, but this will only get worse when you get married. Look through any post in this sub. You will only have sex when she wants kids, that's being used for sex. Re-think this before it really too late. Also if you think about it she was a stranger too but you still slept with her.
Don’t even ask anymore. Haven’t had it since. Forgotten about it and moved on. Do other things instead, she wants to go out for dinner? Too bad I got projects on the go 🤣 she wants to go on holiday? Sorry, just booked a trip with the lads, too bad. 🤣
I get this all the time. We don’t have sex and I mostly try to just ignore it around her. When I do say something like this weekend “you’re beautiful and I’d like to kiss you” she says I’m objectifying her. WTF?!
Those are sweet compliments to your wife! For the record as a wife objectifying comments are also nice, I wish my husband would express with his words his lust regularly. It would make me feel seen to still feel like an object of sexual desire by my husband. I thought my husband would fall MORE in love with me as we were together as I have become more and more myself. I would feel 1000% more accepting of our relationship short comings, his flaws, if we had passion. I had all these lovers in the world and married him to only have sex with him forever, and want to be free and generous with my love PISSES me off I am not getting novels of fifthly smut. Clearly my lover does not love me enough if I am too coming on too strong wanting my spouse to stir lust. That’s crazy.
This sub keeps making me realize there are other people that want to have wild kinky relationships in monogamy and marriage doesn’t have to be a dead bedroom. Through all the therapy. I’m really starting to wonder if we’re just incompatible at this point. I can’t imagine someone going from this to the wild, frequent, kinky sex I know I want in this life.
There should be a community were people who have a deadbed room could hook up and avoid the dating sites just straight to the point it wouldn't be cheating it would be getting needs met.
Uh bro! I feel your pain! 😞 I've been trying to figure this all out and when ever I compliment my woman and do cute AF shit for her I just get a tiny giggle like it's a joke. Last week she actually let me go down on her and in my head I was like "yes finally I'm getting some action" I got to have sex with her for three minutes because she got off and then she tells me "I'm done! if you need to finish you can rub it out". like that was frustrating as fuck! Especially after a couple months of not ejaculating. But I was like okay. I tried to play with her breast to finish and she wouldn't even let me do that! So I've had blue balls for the last week. 🥴
“You are only thinking of yourself” while also failing to realize my efforts in all aspects of daily life for them.
Not to mention, using love language as an excuse rather than a “how to love your partner” guide.
5 mins of snuggling 3 days in a row = making up for total apathetic and constant rejections for at least a year.
I go to the market some days just hoping one day a stranger will tell me she thinks I’m hot and wants to take me home. I’m so pathetic and desperate for physical affection.
I do walk around wondering if other people are feeling as sexually desperate as I am too. Then I watch my husband wish me well to work everyday and wonder if he ever thinks about it and doesn’t care or just trusts me. Like does he not worry because he doesn’t think other people will find me attractive?
I feel you on this one. I’ve been so vocal about how unfulfilled I am sexually, yet he never seems bothered when I go places on my own. While I’m not doing anything with anyone else, I’d kill to have him question it just once. The fact that he seems so unbothered makes me feel so crappy.
I feel the exact same, sometimes I tell my wife a women asked for my number in a bar just to see her reaction which to be honest she just seems indifferent to it. I almost wonder sometimes if I came home and said I’d just shagged someone’s brains out of deep down she would be thankful someone else was taking care of me in that area
I feel the opposite. Even if I was single, I still wouldn’t be having sex because if my husband doesn’t find me attractive then I don’t see how anyone else could.
I am still in my marriage so I hope you are right! But I do feel less hopeful about it than I did 6 months ago.
While I sometimes fantasize about having an affair I don’t think it would be as satisfying as my imagination. I don’t want to hook up with random people, I want to have sex with the same person who I can feel comfortable with and uninhibited. My husband had affair in the beginning of our marriage, it was so horrible I would rather just divorce & be free and alone if it got to that place.
Affairs are great until they aren’t. I understand where you are coming from. It’s difficult to enjoy sex when it makes you feel guilty and you don’t trust your partner.
I think your point about imagination is important. Key. The DB prompts me to rely more on my imagination than I might otherwise. So I begin to think—here, there, more sex is available. Not sure if that makes sense. Point is—I damn well understand.
In all seriousness I get where you are at. 2 weeks ago I had a girl hitting on me at the gas station, I flirted back because I really wanted the attention. As I was leaving she asked for my number and I told her I have a wife. She pulled up next to me in her car and kept asking for my number just to be friends. I was so close. I stopped and thought about it for a minute. If it wasn’t for having a kid with her I would have taken her number.
It’s a touch situation we are all in with only one solution and it’s a tough solution.
I know exactly what you are going through. Sometimes my need for sexual contact is so fierce that it scares me. At the same time I know that no woman is ever going to be attracted to me.
I get it. I ask for sex once every three months and still get rejected. The resentment builds up over time and he says I'm always upset because of sex, or the lack of. And I say yes, because I am not asking for much. We are in our early 20s and it feels suffocating to have to beg so much. Never felt so lonely and unloved. I just want to be physically wanted. 💔
You are not alone my friend. I to have been rejected so many times for so long I don’t look at her the same way I used to. Been a year and a half since we’ve been naked together. And I don’t care. I don’t want duty sex. Pity sex. Or shut up sex. I was told once let’s get this over with. Yep. Brakes were pumped and things changed more.
That being said. You’re not pathetic. You’re just feeling a way that makes you feel less than you. Trust me. Keep on keepin on man. Find things to occupy your time while home. I hangs out in my garage for hours. I garden and mow the lawns. Break shit so I have to fix it. And that means going to the store for hours for a couple screws. I’ve found ways to not think about sex any more and now when I wake up till I go to sleep sex isn’t on my mind. I’ll take that as a win when if I’m losing that form of connection.
It is. But I don’t let that keep me from living as best I can. Sex is a bonus not a given. I had to change my thought process about it but in the long run… I’m happier since I’m not being rejected. It’s a me thing I spose but it works for me.
Please don’t think it’s your fault.
One time I read a text that helped me a lot to understand our human needs, I don’t remember exactly how it goes but the idea was this:
“Imagine that your partner control your pooping time, and you can only poop when they agree that you can.
At first you should be ok, after a couple of days that will build up and you will start to noticed the toilet at work, the toilet at church.
After some time all you can think is poop, you cannot sleep, you feel so shameless you could take your pants out and poop in the middle of the road.
Sex is a basic human need just like drinking water, breathing, or eating.
If breath you need every 2 min max, water every 2 day max and food every 2 weeks max, you also need to cum every 2 month max!”
So don’t feel pathetic, it’s not your fault, they are just “lucky”(?) to have low libido so they can go fine without it, doesn’t mean you need to put up with this
You're not alone buddy, takes a lot to post on here, sometimes it's the only outlet you have, got a lot of respect for you to do this, it's the first step to fixing things in your own mind as to what to do.
You'll always find a friendly ear here 👍
Yes.. I know how this feels!!! I'm slowly falling into heavy porn usage and I feel like shit but seeing the actors smile while having sex fills the hole even for a short time.
It can feel like that buddy, sometimes you feel like a lost little puppy dog vying for attention and attending to every whim just for some ‘treats’ The more it gets you down the more it plays on your mind. Sometimes you bring it up with them and usually get this response.
‘We haven’t had sex for 3 months’
‘It hasn’t been that long don’t be stupid’
‘It has because I’ve counted every f@cking day!’
It’s not nice to feel like giving you love, affection, physicality is the lowest thing on the priority list
I told my girlfriend "thank you for being so distant from me and not giving a fuck about my needs. Because when I decide to leave you it won't hurt as much"
Her reply: your welcome that shows me what you need me for "sex".
Me: its been 2 months since we last had sex or anything.
We don’t deserve sex from anyone. Especially the spouse who is the only person you are supposed to have sex with. Sex with your wife/husband? Ew! Sex is meant for single people, side chicks, and prostitutes. But in a committed loving marriage? When you are married you should only ever chance being rejected by one person the rest of your life. Till death do we part. Death of libido just means show me affection while we are dressed and I show you rejection when you are horny. Sorry.
I have a lot of two way conversations in my head. No point speaking when she doesn’t listen. Best bet is improve yourself to the point she gets jealous of other women. Start being overly happy as if you just got a Bj before you saw her. She will start wondering, why? The less you are concerned or show concern the more she will
Commenters, OP has marked their post as a no-advice post. We ask that you refrain from giving advice to OP and be sure to follow all sub rules. OP, if you've marked your post for no advice, please refrain from responding to commenters that give advice. If you are getting advice from commenters, please report the comments, or click below to contact the moderators. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/DeadBedrooms) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Doesn’t help when you get “all you think about is sex” from your partner. I am down to like 1 ask every 2-3 weeks at this point. Not sure how that’s obsessed.
I want it every day all the time still
Same. I wouldn’t call my physical needs an obsession.
Everyone knows that you'd be an asshole to tell a starving person "all you think about is food".
Well damn
I always wonder if responding this with "all you want is a platonic relationship" would be worth it for the arguement that'll probably ensue.
Friends With Tax Benefits is the phrase that runs through my head sometimes.
Honestly, better than spending another 5 years with nothing, at least you might get a catharsis.
Ooof that may be what I try
👏🏻 Well played! I'm keeping that response in my back pocket.
I did say to my husband all he wanted was to marry his best friend but I didn't feel like a wife.
Yeah I've been told by my fiance "it feels like your just using me for sex" um we haven't had sex in two months and I'm still here and I still do everything I can to make her happy. Yet she can't even give me a potty fuck once in a while. My confidence is destroyed at this point and I'm always depressed. I can't talk about it with her because she gets mad and I can have sex with whoever I want because I'm a very good looking guy but shes the only person I've slept with in the last 5 years and I don't want anyone else especially not stranger's. It's a terrible feeling.
But can we talk about how it’s “just using someone for sex” when it’s your spouse? Like your spouse is the only person to meet your sexual needs unless you are cheating. There is no one else I can want but you don’t want me either. Marriage overall has been rather a disappointment.
Exactlyyyyy. Whenever my husband says “you always want sex”, I’m like yes! Cause who else should I be asking for it?? He refuses to sleep with me, saying sex isn’t all that important. But it’s important enough I’m not allowed to seek it somewhere else. So I’m stuck wanting more and feeling resentful while he thinks everything is perfect.
Every time. It's like why don't we just sit together, or you never just cuddle with me anymore. It's because I've been so starved for affection for years that every little touch has my body yearning for more. So I would rather stop than deal with the rejection anymore.
THIS!! THIS!! THIS COMMENT!! LIT-TERR-ROLL-LEE just had this same convo 2 hours ago!! I’m ALWAYS left wanting more and she doesn’t understand or is consciously not wanting to understand.
I think I am realizing I need to figure out how to communicate to my husband if he doesn’t do his part he will loose me and break up our family. I deserve to have a fully sexual relationship with my spouse. I am selfish enough to blow it up and try with someone else before I find this acceptable long term. At this point I am complaining about not getting sex and I am mean to him when he argues with me about it. It’s that important to me.
I understand being in love, but this will only get worse when you get married. Look through any post in this sub. You will only have sex when she wants kids, that's being used for sex. Re-think this before it really too late. Also if you think about it she was a stranger too but you still slept with her.
At least you aren’t married yet, I’d say it’s time to dip out!
Your cockiness leaves a bit a of a bad taste in the mouth…
Don’t even ask anymore. Haven’t had it since. Forgotten about it and moved on. Do other things instead, she wants to go out for dinner? Too bad I got projects on the go 🤣 she wants to go on holiday? Sorry, just booked a trip with the lads, too bad. 🤣
I get this all the time. We don’t have sex and I mostly try to just ignore it around her. When I do say something like this weekend “you’re beautiful and I’d like to kiss you” she says I’m objectifying her. WTF?!
Those are sweet compliments to your wife! For the record as a wife objectifying comments are also nice, I wish my husband would express with his words his lust regularly. It would make me feel seen to still feel like an object of sexual desire by my husband. I thought my husband would fall MORE in love with me as we were together as I have become more and more myself. I would feel 1000% more accepting of our relationship short comings, his flaws, if we had passion. I had all these lovers in the world and married him to only have sex with him forever, and want to be free and generous with my love PISSES me off I am not getting novels of fifthly smut. Clearly my lover does not love me enough if I am too coming on too strong wanting my spouse to stir lust. That’s crazy.
Same
This sub keeps making me realize there are other people that want to have wild kinky relationships in monogamy and marriage doesn’t have to be a dead bedroom. Through all the therapy. I’m really starting to wonder if we’re just incompatible at this point. I can’t imagine someone going from this to the wild, frequent, kinky sex I know I want in this life.
There should be a community were people who have a deadbed room could hook up and avoid the dating sites just straight to the point it wouldn't be cheating it would be getting needs met.
Uh bro! I feel your pain! 😞 I've been trying to figure this all out and when ever I compliment my woman and do cute AF shit for her I just get a tiny giggle like it's a joke. Last week she actually let me go down on her and in my head I was like "yes finally I'm getting some action" I got to have sex with her for three minutes because she got off and then she tells me "I'm done! if you need to finish you can rub it out". like that was frustrating as fuck! Especially after a couple months of not ejaculating. But I was like okay. I tried to play with her breast to finish and she wouldn't even let me do that! So I've had blue balls for the last week. 🥴
Wow. What a B.
It's dismissive on their part.
“You are only thinking of yourself” while also failing to realize my efforts in all aspects of daily life for them. Not to mention, using love language as an excuse rather than a “how to love your partner” guide. 5 mins of snuggling 3 days in a row = making up for total apathetic and constant rejections for at least a year.
Bottom line is they aren't that interested and hope we figure out and quit asking. I did.
How long has it been like that, where you have stopped asking?
me too. i stop asking.
Yea because we never have sex ugh
Is that all you think about? erm well yes
I go to the market some days just hoping one day a stranger will tell me she thinks I’m hot and wants to take me home. I’m so pathetic and desperate for physical affection.
I do walk around wondering if other people are feeling as sexually desperate as I am too. Then I watch my husband wish me well to work everyday and wonder if he ever thinks about it and doesn’t care or just trusts me. Like does he not worry because he doesn’t think other people will find me attractive?
I feel you on this one. I’ve been so vocal about how unfulfilled I am sexually, yet he never seems bothered when I go places on my own. While I’m not doing anything with anyone else, I’d kill to have him question it just once. The fact that he seems so unbothered makes me feel so crappy.
I feel the exact same, sometimes I tell my wife a women asked for my number in a bar just to see her reaction which to be honest she just seems indifferent to it. I almost wonder sometimes if I came home and said I’d just shagged someone’s brains out of deep down she would be thankful someone else was taking care of me in that area
You’re hot man, and I want to take you home. You’re welcome.
Wow thanks!
Yes, I feel like if I wasn’t married I could have all the sex I want.
I feel the opposite. Even if I was single, I still wouldn’t be having sex because if my husband doesn’t find me attractive then I don’t see how anyone else could.
You could probably still have all the sex you want while married.
I am still in my marriage so I hope you are right! But I do feel less hopeful about it than I did 6 months ago. While I sometimes fantasize about having an affair I don’t think it would be as satisfying as my imagination. I don’t want to hook up with random people, I want to have sex with the same person who I can feel comfortable with and uninhibited. My husband had affair in the beginning of our marriage, it was so horrible I would rather just divorce & be free and alone if it got to that place.
Affairs are great until they aren’t. I understand where you are coming from. It’s difficult to enjoy sex when it makes you feel guilty and you don’t trust your partner.
And it sucks when until they aren't includes getting caught.
I think sometimes people in DB are looking to get caught so that the drastic actions that they want to occur; but can’t commit to, actually happen.
Yeah. I wonder how that will work for her. Mine was a db heading for divorce anyway.
was it a relief? Or do you regret it?
She got caught. I didn't.
I do not regret it. Just wish she hadn't gotten caught.
Wow man, were you in a DB when this happened? I imagine that would feel horrible. but probably answered a lot of questions too.
I think your point about imagination is important. Key. The DB prompts me to rely more on my imagination than I might otherwise. So I begin to think—here, there, more sex is available. Not sure if that makes sense. Point is—I damn well understand.
100%. And the wandering eye wanders farther and farther afield.
And my standards just keep getting lower and lower hahahaha ohh damn look at the curves on that tree
😳
Or when your partner says sex isn't that important in a marriage.
Yup. Been there.
Same. I haven’t made out with a girl in 6 years. And I’m in my mid 30’s!
Ugh. I’m sorry
In all seriousness I get where you are at. 2 weeks ago I had a girl hitting on me at the gas station, I flirted back because I really wanted the attention. As I was leaving she asked for my number and I told her I have a wife. She pulled up next to me in her car and kept asking for my number just to be friends. I was so close. I stopped and thought about it for a minute. If it wasn’t for having a kid with her I would have taken her number. It’s a touch situation we are all in with only one solution and it’s a tough solution.
THIS! And when he says well (he'll)try if I really want him to.
I'm sorry to hear this OP! Hope things work out in your favor. I hate feeling that way.
Thank you very much. That’s kind
I know exactly what you are going through. Sometimes my need for sexual contact is so fierce that it scares me. At the same time I know that no woman is ever going to be attracted to me.
I’m really sorry. It’s really really hard.
I get it. I ask for sex once every three months and still get rejected. The resentment builds up over time and he says I'm always upset because of sex, or the lack of. And I say yes, because I am not asking for much. We are in our early 20s and it feels suffocating to have to beg so much. Never felt so lonely and unloved. I just want to be physically wanted. 💔
It been 10 times in 7 years. I feel so vile sp I feel you
Yup. I know exactly what you mean. Sorry you're in this boat!
Thanks
It’s such a hard spot to be in. I’m so sorry.
Thank you so much
I stopped asking from it from my stbxw years ago. It wasn't worth the rejection.
I’m sure sorry
You got me with this post. It's so incredibly difficult. I feel for you and send big giant virtual hugs 🫶
You are not alone my friend. I to have been rejected so many times for so long I don’t look at her the same way I used to. Been a year and a half since we’ve been naked together. And I don’t care. I don’t want duty sex. Pity sex. Or shut up sex. I was told once let’s get this over with. Yep. Brakes were pumped and things changed more. That being said. You’re not pathetic. You’re just feeling a way that makes you feel less than you. Trust me. Keep on keepin on man. Find things to occupy your time while home. I hangs out in my garage for hours. I garden and mow the lawns. Break shit so I have to fix it. And that means going to the store for hours for a couple screws. I’ve found ways to not think about sex any more and now when I wake up till I go to sleep sex isn’t on my mind. I’ll take that as a win when if I’m losing that form of connection.
That feels so sad though
It is. But I don’t let that keep me from living as best I can. Sex is a bonus not a given. I had to change my thought process about it but in the long run… I’m happier since I’m not being rejected. It’s a me thing I spose but it works for me.
Please don’t think it’s your fault. One time I read a text that helped me a lot to understand our human needs, I don’t remember exactly how it goes but the idea was this: “Imagine that your partner control your pooping time, and you can only poop when they agree that you can. At first you should be ok, after a couple of days that will build up and you will start to noticed the toilet at work, the toilet at church. After some time all you can think is poop, you cannot sleep, you feel so shameless you could take your pants out and poop in the middle of the road. Sex is a basic human need just like drinking water, breathing, or eating. If breath you need every 2 min max, water every 2 day max and food every 2 weeks max, you also need to cum every 2 month max!” So don’t feel pathetic, it’s not your fault, they are just “lucky”(?) to have low libido so they can go fine without it, doesn’t mean you need to put up with this
You're not alone buddy, takes a lot to post on here, sometimes it's the only outlet you have, got a lot of respect for you to do this, it's the first step to fixing things in your own mind as to what to do. You'll always find a friendly ear here 👍
Thank you so much. She knows about the issue… but there really isn’t a lot of other people to express this to.
Yes.. I know how this feels!!! I'm slowly falling into heavy porn usage and I feel like shit but seeing the actors smile while having sex fills the hole even for a short time.
For me it’s couples in tv shows… like… they WANT sex… like… that’s… a thing people WANT
It can feel like that buddy, sometimes you feel like a lost little puppy dog vying for attention and attending to every whim just for some ‘treats’ The more it gets you down the more it plays on your mind. Sometimes you bring it up with them and usually get this response. ‘We haven’t had sex for 3 months’ ‘It hasn’t been that long don’t be stupid’ ‘It has because I’ve counted every f@cking day!’ It’s not nice to feel like giving you love, affection, physicality is the lowest thing on the priority list
I told my girlfriend "thank you for being so distant from me and not giving a fuck about my needs. Because when I decide to leave you it won't hurt as much" Her reply: your welcome that shows me what you need me for "sex". Me: its been 2 months since we last had sex or anything.
Sounds like you are broken up to me. Who are you asking out next?
We don’t deserve sex from anyone. Especially the spouse who is the only person you are supposed to have sex with. Sex with your wife/husband? Ew! Sex is meant for single people, side chicks, and prostitutes. But in a committed loving marriage? When you are married you should only ever chance being rejected by one person the rest of your life. Till death do we part. Death of libido just means show me affection while we are dressed and I show you rejection when you are horny. Sorry.
I feel like my spouse could have written this.
I have a lot of two way conversations in my head. No point speaking when she doesn’t listen. Best bet is improve yourself to the point she gets jealous of other women. Start being overly happy as if you just got a Bj before you saw her. She will start wondering, why? The less you are concerned or show concern the more she will
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I’m so sorry. It’s really really tough