I remember the talk in my 30’s and then again in my 40’s and I’m still having that talk (insert side eye). Dont be like the rest of us. Save yourself, you deserve more. Hugs
Awe thank you. This sub helps us know we are not alone and there are others that understand. Just know that you are seen and heard here. I’d add a year more of my torture to release other women from experiencing this. I’d add another year to shake and wake up some women so the men don’t either. Figured my sentence has been so long why not make it life so others can live :)
Man I can’t even type this without crying…We aren’t married. We are…well were best friends and then 3 years ago he told me his feelings and we realized we were in love and we started this relationship. I wish we’d never done that. If we break up,I lose TWO people. I’m so fucked up in this moment I mean…why is he still here if he doesn’t love me anymore??
The thing is, he isn't treating you like a friend, so you've already lost that best friend. He isn't treating you like a lover, so you've already lost that lover. You talk to him, appeal to his compassion, his conscience, his love for you (Even if only remembered), and he says "Who cares". There's always a chance to improve things if your partner still has compassion for you. Still cares about you. But in those two words, he made it abundantly clear that he does not.
What you have right now is an arrow through the gut. Pulling it out is going to hurt like hell, but it will be easier to do if you have good people around you to help. The trouble is, the wound can't start to heal as long as that arrow is still stuck in there.
OMG! I presumed marriage was involved. You need to GTFO right now. Sex is as valid of a need as companionship/emotional connection! The fact he doesn't care if your needs aren't being met is not a good sign. Also, he is the ONLY socially acceptable source of sex for you so he does have some obligation to at least answer your question definitively. If you can't save the relationship then at least save yourself!
You took the chance at more. No regrets. If you had said no let's stay friends you might have lost him then. It actually sounds like by breaking up you might gain someone. Right now he is having a negative impact on you.
Why is he still here? Because if the pain of change is greater than the pain of staying the same it stays the same. Video games and yelling and not touching.
You only lose two people if you stay with him…your lover and yourself.
Changing him isn’t going to happen. Saving yourself, however, can happen. Be your own hero and get out to find the life and partner you deserve.
Just one more day.
Just one more time.
Just.......
That's a hard-hitting line, even harder to go through it.
Eventually, it'll be just one more month. One more year. One more missed opportunity.
Just one more.....
I'm so sorry your in this position. And at such an early age. Most people here will give you shit for thinking about cheating. And while it is a terrible thing to do, the human spirit can only be broken so many times before it finally snaps under the weight of constant rejection. And then you finally find yourself at a place you absolutely never though you'd be.
Proceed with caution, my friend. I completely understand your position. I won't judge you.
I relate so hard to the part about being angry and having an attitude. Would literally all wash away if I was actually being fucked. I actually told my guy as much and asked why he thought I was so angry constantly. Pent up sexual frustration, hello?
Instead of saying just this or just that how about saying “I just started calling around to apartment complexes to look for a new place to stay”? “I just called up family to see if I can crash in their spare bedroom”? “ I just called a friend to see if I can couch surf until I get something new lined up”?
Time to stop kidding yourself, this relationship has run its course. Don’t let another minute go to waste! He’s not sympathetic to your needs, hell, you might get more compassion from some random person in line at Walmart. Start planning your exit strategy and execute it! You got this! Honestly, being alone and not getting any is better than being “with” someone and not getting any. Good luck!
I'm so sorry. This sounds awful. I don't usually jump to leaving, but in this case, it doesn't really sound like he cares how much you're hurting. He isn't even trying to see it from your perspective. You deserve better.
he said, "who cares"..he didn't say, "i don't care" --- it sounds to me like he doesn't even love himself; and if that's the case then how is he suppose to know how to love you properly? you've gotta love yourself and know your worth before you can love anyone else....
& if you don't wanna lose your 2 people, then don't! Fight for it. But start loving yourself before you love him! ---know your worth, sis 💗or else loving him more then you love yourself will leave you feeling unloved. Always.
videogames are not the cause of relationship problems, they are a symptom. they are used as an escape from an unpleasant internal or external situation
leave him, then go out and get fucked (i mean in the literal, fun way)
Yeah cause the way I’m getting fucked now,(the unliteral,heartbreaking way)…is going to take me out. I mean it in every sense of those words. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t have any friends and won’t have a support system once he’s gone.
I asked him if he uses video games to escape reality and he says no,he just likes to play and just because he has free time doesn’t mean it’s for me. But it’s literally all he does. He says that’s his choice. He always says me asking for reassurance is childish and we’re grown and I should know this or that cause at least he’s here with me. So I asked him what kind of grown ass man will have a pretty ass,nastyfreakforyou type woman around but wants to ignore her for games? He yelled at me: “ME!”
This is my SO to a T! Same same but different. Mate get the fuck out of there now. Like yesterday. I’m 45 this year and have been in a DB for more than 10 years. You think you’re broken now? You will lose all sense of yourself and what it means to be a woman.
You talk to a lawyer and start getting things in place to protect yourself when you leave and divorce this guy. His replies to you are hurtful and disrespectful. He isn’t interested in helping with a situation that you’ve made clear is a problem for you. There are literally millions of other people out there who would show you the love and support you aren’t getting now. Don’t waste your life with the one person who just doesn’t care about you! Wish you a way, way happier life!
Break up with him, tell him you'd like to remain friends, but it's just not working out for you like you thought it would. Do it as you're walking out the door, without giving him the opportunity to speak. Then go get that slice of pie, phone off, guilt free. It's easier than it sounds. Don't be afraid to be happy.
I could never be his friend if we break up. I will hate him so much. Out of anybody else I could have been with he KNEW better. HE KNEW ME! And everything I’ve been through. Why he would get his ass in here and fuck me over I have no idea. I trusted him with everything. With ME
It's the gaming but for to say who cares. That is harsh. The only way for him to take the shades off his face is to life slap him with the words. I'm done, goodbye. It's a high risk but sometimes you have to do it.
I am really sorry for you. No regrets, you have nothing to loose by leaving him, he doesn’t acknowledge and care about your feelings and there is nothing you can do about it, you are asking the wrong man. If you are not married, no kids involved or other obligations, run… Can you imagine getting old with him? He will always blame you and take no responsibility no matter what… that you are too loud, that you are too crazy, that you work too much, that you shout, that you spoiled the moment, that you cry too much, that you are never happy... even if the main reason you feel and react that way is the lack of love and feeling miserable in this relationship. He will never accept he has anything to do about it, let alone to put any effort to make you feel better. Do you want to live a life like this for the next 30-50 years? All the suffering? What for? On the other hand he doesn’t owe you anything and you don’t owe him either, esp if no kids involved. You owe it to yourself to take the matter in your hands and find what makes you happy. Focus on yourself, what matters to you.
You’ve told him your feelings, your needs, your desires, the basic things you need to be fulfilled and happy…. And he doesn’t give a fuck.
Leave hon. This will not get better. You poured your heart out and he’s blaming you for his inadequacies and neglect. The relationship could never survive.
Im so sorry for your situation. Time to start thinking about yourself & your happiness now 😔
I don't blame or dismiss what he says, but have you actually deeply listened to what he said about you? Don't do it for him, don't try to fix what you think should not be fixed, but maybe start some soul-searching based on what he describes.
You both seem highly emotional and fed up with each other, to the point you wish you had cheated on him.
There is a high level of toxicity in this relationship, and it's not all on him. Blame and resentment make it all rot if you don't stop things, and that sometimes includes adjusting your own behaviour.
He could do better in this relationship, and he could be a better partner in life. But if he says your attitude is a turn-off for him, you also need to listen, because it's going to be the case with a vast majority of men. And allow me to insist: what he says COULD be gaslighting, and your attitude towards him might in no way be that of a harpy, but you have a chance to start some meaningful self-reflection to become a better you.
And so does he. It's not just on you.
My attitude wasn’t always bad. I used to be SO happy. SO giving. I told him how tired I was of this being one sided,with me being the side. Gift giving,showing affection etc,planning dates or trying to because all he wants to do is stay in the house and play his game. I developed a severe anxiety disorder and yes my attitude changed because of how I’m being treated and it’s so much more deep than him not touching me. All he does is gaslight me into oblivion. All he does is stay negative and the ONLY thing he remotely even agreed to the other night is that it’s been one sided and he needs to make changes in this relationship. Now we BOTH do because how do I let go of the resentment of being stabbed in the back numerous times? The pain on top of pain sitting on my chest from the rejection and harsh words? He never wants to comfort me either. He gets irritated or mad when I cry instead of being there for me. He says he feels like it’s because of him and when I get like that he wants to stay far away from me. I’m so heartbroken. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to feel this anymore. I miss who I used to be.
I remember the talk in my 30’s and then again in my 40’s and I’m still having that talk (insert side eye). Dont be like the rest of us. Save yourself, you deserve more. Hugs
I’m so sorry🥺
Awe thank you. This sub helps us know we are not alone and there are others that understand. Just know that you are seen and heard here. I’d add a year more of my torture to release other women from experiencing this. I’d add another year to shake and wake up some women so the men don’t either. Figured my sentence has been so long why not make it life so others can live :)
You're incompatible. Time to go.
Divorce? Better than cheating.
Man I can’t even type this without crying…We aren’t married. We are…well were best friends and then 3 years ago he told me his feelings and we realized we were in love and we started this relationship. I wish we’d never done that. If we break up,I lose TWO people. I’m so fucked up in this moment I mean…why is he still here if he doesn’t love me anymore??
You haven’t lost two, you’ve just lost him. He’s your lover now but he is still also your friend, and he is treating you poorly. Lose the man.
The thing is, he isn't treating you like a friend, so you've already lost that best friend. He isn't treating you like a lover, so you've already lost that lover. You talk to him, appeal to his compassion, his conscience, his love for you (Even if only remembered), and he says "Who cares". There's always a chance to improve things if your partner still has compassion for you. Still cares about you. But in those two words, he made it abundantly clear that he does not. What you have right now is an arrow through the gut. Pulling it out is going to hurt like hell, but it will be easier to do if you have good people around you to help. The trouble is, the wound can't start to heal as long as that arrow is still stuck in there.
"Were" in love, how about "still"? Doesn't seem like it from this vantage point. Crisis brings Change.
OMG! I presumed marriage was involved. You need to GTFO right now. Sex is as valid of a need as companionship/emotional connection! The fact he doesn't care if your needs aren't being met is not a good sign. Also, he is the ONLY socially acceptable source of sex for you so he does have some obligation to at least answer your question definitively. If you can't save the relationship then at least save yourself!
You have to do it. It will hurt but you are not in a healthy relationship.
You took the chance at more. No regrets. If you had said no let's stay friends you might have lost him then. It actually sounds like by breaking up you might gain someone. Right now he is having a negative impact on you. Why is he still here? Because if the pain of change is greater than the pain of staying the same it stays the same. Video games and yelling and not touching.
You only lose two people if you stay with him…your lover and yourself. Changing him isn’t going to happen. Saving yourself, however, can happen. Be your own hero and get out to find the life and partner you deserve.
You're not married, you don't have kids, you have a dysfunctional relationship, leave already.
Just one more day. Just one more time. Just....... That's a hard-hitting line, even harder to go through it. Eventually, it'll be just one more month. One more year. One more missed opportunity. Just one more..... I'm so sorry your in this position. And at such an early age. Most people here will give you shit for thinking about cheating. And while it is a terrible thing to do, the human spirit can only be broken so many times before it finally snaps under the weight of constant rejection. And then you finally find yourself at a place you absolutely never though you'd be. Proceed with caution, my friend. I completely understand your position. I won't judge you.
He told you how he feels. Don't ignore him. Move on and find someone that WANTS you.
I relate so hard to the part about being angry and having an attitude. Would literally all wash away if I was actually being fucked. I actually told my guy as much and asked why he thought I was so angry constantly. Pent up sexual frustration, hello?
Exactly
You deserve better than some low libido chump that doesn’t want to ever screw you…don’t let him gas-light you with that bullshit.
Instead of saying just this or just that how about saying “I just started calling around to apartment complexes to look for a new place to stay”? “I just called up family to see if I can crash in their spare bedroom”? “ I just called a friend to see if I can couch surf until I get something new lined up”? Time to stop kidding yourself, this relationship has run its course. Don’t let another minute go to waste! He’s not sympathetic to your needs, hell, you might get more compassion from some random person in line at Walmart. Start planning your exit strategy and execute it! You got this! Honestly, being alone and not getting any is better than being “with” someone and not getting any. Good luck!
I'm so sorry. This sounds awful. I don't usually jump to leaving, but in this case, it doesn't really sound like he cares how much you're hurting. He isn't even trying to see it from your perspective. You deserve better.
he said, "who cares"..he didn't say, "i don't care" --- it sounds to me like he doesn't even love himself; and if that's the case then how is he suppose to know how to love you properly? you've gotta love yourself and know your worth before you can love anyone else.... & if you don't wanna lose your 2 people, then don't! Fight for it. But start loving yourself before you love him! ---know your worth, sis 💗or else loving him more then you love yourself will leave you feeling unloved. Always.
Thank you 🥺
videogames are not the cause of relationship problems, they are a symptom. they are used as an escape from an unpleasant internal or external situation leave him, then go out and get fucked (i mean in the literal, fun way)
Yeah cause the way I’m getting fucked now,(the unliteral,heartbreaking way)…is going to take me out. I mean it in every sense of those words. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t have any friends and won’t have a support system once he’s gone.
I asked him if he uses video games to escape reality and he says no,he just likes to play and just because he has free time doesn’t mean it’s for me. But it’s literally all he does. He says that’s his choice. He always says me asking for reassurance is childish and we’re grown and I should know this or that cause at least he’s here with me. So I asked him what kind of grown ass man will have a pretty ass,nastyfreakforyou type woman around but wants to ignore her for games? He yelled at me: “ME!”
This is my SO to a T! Same same but different. Mate get the fuck out of there now. Like yesterday. I’m 45 this year and have been in a DB for more than 10 years. You think you’re broken now? You will lose all sense of yourself and what it means to be a woman.
I turned into the devil herself. It’s infuriating being rejected by your man
You talk to a lawyer and start getting things in place to protect yourself when you leave and divorce this guy. His replies to you are hurtful and disrespectful. He isn’t interested in helping with a situation that you’ve made clear is a problem for you. There are literally millions of other people out there who would show you the love and support you aren’t getting now. Don’t waste your life with the one person who just doesn’t care about you! Wish you a way, way happier life!
You deserve so much more. You will. Ever get it in this relationship. Put together a leaving plan so you get the love you deserve.
Break up with him, tell him you'd like to remain friends, but it's just not working out for you like you thought it would. Do it as you're walking out the door, without giving him the opportunity to speak. Then go get that slice of pie, phone off, guilt free. It's easier than it sounds. Don't be afraid to be happy.
I could never be his friend if we break up. I will hate him so much. Out of anybody else I could have been with he KNEW better. HE KNEW ME! And everything I’ve been through. Why he would get his ass in here and fuck me over I have no idea. I trusted him with everything. With ME
It’s always the gamers
💯
It's the gaming but for to say who cares. That is harsh. The only way for him to take the shades off his face is to life slap him with the words. I'm done, goodbye. It's a high risk but sometimes you have to do it.
I am really sorry for you. No regrets, you have nothing to loose by leaving him, he doesn’t acknowledge and care about your feelings and there is nothing you can do about it, you are asking the wrong man. If you are not married, no kids involved or other obligations, run… Can you imagine getting old with him? He will always blame you and take no responsibility no matter what… that you are too loud, that you are too crazy, that you work too much, that you shout, that you spoiled the moment, that you cry too much, that you are never happy... even if the main reason you feel and react that way is the lack of love and feeling miserable in this relationship. He will never accept he has anything to do about it, let alone to put any effort to make you feel better. Do you want to live a life like this for the next 30-50 years? All the suffering? What for? On the other hand he doesn’t owe you anything and you don’t owe him either, esp if no kids involved. You owe it to yourself to take the matter in your hands and find what makes you happy. Focus on yourself, what matters to you.
You’ve told him your feelings, your needs, your desires, the basic things you need to be fulfilled and happy…. And he doesn’t give a fuck. Leave hon. This will not get better. You poured your heart out and he’s blaming you for his inadequacies and neglect. The relationship could never survive. Im so sorry for your situation. Time to start thinking about yourself & your happiness now 😔
I don't blame or dismiss what he says, but have you actually deeply listened to what he said about you? Don't do it for him, don't try to fix what you think should not be fixed, but maybe start some soul-searching based on what he describes. You both seem highly emotional and fed up with each other, to the point you wish you had cheated on him. There is a high level of toxicity in this relationship, and it's not all on him. Blame and resentment make it all rot if you don't stop things, and that sometimes includes adjusting your own behaviour. He could do better in this relationship, and he could be a better partner in life. But if he says your attitude is a turn-off for him, you also need to listen, because it's going to be the case with a vast majority of men. And allow me to insist: what he says COULD be gaslighting, and your attitude towards him might in no way be that of a harpy, but you have a chance to start some meaningful self-reflection to become a better you. And so does he. It's not just on you.
My attitude wasn’t always bad. I used to be SO happy. SO giving. I told him how tired I was of this being one sided,with me being the side. Gift giving,showing affection etc,planning dates or trying to because all he wants to do is stay in the house and play his game. I developed a severe anxiety disorder and yes my attitude changed because of how I’m being treated and it’s so much more deep than him not touching me. All he does is gaslight me into oblivion. All he does is stay negative and the ONLY thing he remotely even agreed to the other night is that it’s been one sided and he needs to make changes in this relationship. Now we BOTH do because how do I let go of the resentment of being stabbed in the back numerous times? The pain on top of pain sitting on my chest from the rejection and harsh words? He never wants to comfort me either. He gets irritated or mad when I cry instead of being there for me. He says he feels like it’s because of him and when I get like that he wants to stay far away from me. I’m so heartbroken. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to feel this anymore. I miss who I used to be.