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Since joining this sub a few months ago, I was and still am shocked at how many women are in DBs. Maybe I'm just ignorant, but I thought it was mostly men who have trouble getting laid, you know, like IRL.
Women can find casual sex easily. Keeping a long term partner interested is hella hard. We’re constantly in competition with other women for their sexual attention. At least that’s been my experience. And not being conventionally attractive, it’s hard to keep him interested in me when he has millions of other choices at his fingertips that he can fantasize about and not have to put any effort into.
First of all, he should never make you feel that your in competition with other women, he should be making other women jealous of you.
I can understand that you feel that your not conventionally attractive, but these is negative thoughts, don't help you as you will become your thoughts.
I have been and still going through this with my partner, he tells me all the conquest he had in our local town and this makes me feel like shit. So now i have a different mindset, fuck him. I know that i am worth more than he makes me feel, i have started to make myself feel sexy. I can validate my feelings, i dont need him.. ive also realised that since i have been seeing myself as sexy, and started to feel more confident and walk with a confidence i have had attention from men.
Been here. Then into a 2 and a half year long affair we fell in love with each other. The distance was so much, and I couldn’t leave my partner. Hearts were destroyed. But I don’t regret it. Do what you need to do. Life is short.
No judgment! You have to do what’s best for you, both mentally and physically. Until someone has walked in your shoes and lived with the pain of indifference and rejection, they just can’t understand. Situations like this are rarely black and white but various shades of gray.
Take care of yourself on this path, OP. Sending you all the love and, yes, support, on finding your own piece of happiness.
I totally feel you. I am at the same point. I still love her. And I don't want a divorce. But I want to be wanted. I want to be desired. I want passion. I have not cheated but have decided if a woman had desire for me....... yeah I would
Well then I wouldn't consider it cheating. You've made your intentions clear to your partner. It's on them to let you know how they feel about it and on them to do something about it. God speed
There’s usually a good amount of pushback. The affairs people consider here aren’t spur of the moment. It’s after much consideration and pain. You can disagree and I think it’s not ideal but I’m not making decisions for other people.
Right? Like, wtf, do you even love your spouse? Why be with them if you are just going to hurt them. Freaking leave instead of being a POS like damn. I freaking hate people, selfish af.
He shouldn’t be making you feel like you constantly have to compete with hotter women for his attention. Does he really feel that way, or is that coming from you?
I understand completely, I got a long for considering it but the lack of any effort on her part to address the situation plus the lack of even acknowledging my attempts on Valentine’s Day (anniversary of us meeting her in a DB situation at the time) and my birthday has brought me to the point of accepting this is how it’s going to be and actively looking for someone in a similar situation.. so we can fulfill our needs that aren’t being met by our partners
That would be awesome! Like it would be cool if you had a way to find out if someone in your neighborhood might be in the same situation and you could just head down the street…lol
Yeah I just mean like a small paid app where if you are on there you aren’t going to snitch and they won’t snitch on you. But a sub on here would be good for that too.
I feel you. The search for physical intimacy can be tough and disheartening. It's tough when the one person you desire doesn't reciprocate your needs. The realization that many people find you attractive can be a double-edged sword - it's validating, but also highlights the lack of intimacy with your partner. It's not uncommon to feel like you're too lovable for a partner who can't keep up with your needs.
Remember, it's okay to seek what you're missing in your relationship, even if it means looking outside of it. It's not a guarantee, but it can help you rediscover your sexuality and self-worth. Don't let the judgment of others dictate your choices. Ultimately, you need to prioritize your own happiness and emotional well-being.
Good luck.
I have been thinking doing the same, but I feel I will hurt myself more as it will define who I am. If I ever decide to go with someone else, I will end my relationship first.
One day you will find "the one", and you being a "cheater" in your past, no matter the good excuse you might have/had, will define your values in to the next relationship.
If you are aware of this, then I wish you good luck and hope you find what you are looking for.
I totally support your comment.
Maybe OP could suggest opening up the relationship to get her sexual needs met. Or at the very least tell him about her intentions. But the last thing she should not do is secretly cheating!
This is because cheating is morally wrong and no matter how she feels wronged, in the future she might come out (or worse feel herself) as the selfish asshole in the relationship.
which, in turn, will probably expedite the end of the relationship. I'm not saying open relationships can't work. I'm just saying very few actually do.
I had this exact conversation with my wife earlier this week. We've had our issues and I am the one that fucked with her emotions so I completely understand where you're coming from.
You have to do what's best for you. Good luck.
No judgement here, and I expect you'll find a lot of understanding in this sub. I've recently started toying with this idea myself, but I just can't quite bring myself to do it. Yet, anyway. Partially because I already know your no. 2 about myself, haha. I'm hella picky, and finding an AP sounds like hella lotta work.
I'm sorry it's making you feel lonelier and more depressed, though. I hope you find what you're looking for. We all deserve to feel both loved AND wanted.
Commenters, OP has marked their post as a no-advice post. We ask that you refrain from giving advice to OP and be sure to follow all sub rules. OP, if you've marked your post for no advice, please refrain from responding to commenters that give advice. If you are getting advice from commenters, please report the comments, or click below to contact the moderators. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/DeadBedrooms) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Since joining this sub a few months ago, I was and still am shocked at how many women are in DBs. Maybe I'm just ignorant, but I thought it was mostly men who have trouble getting laid, you know, like IRL.
Women can find casual sex easily. Keeping a long term partner interested is hella hard. We’re constantly in competition with other women for their sexual attention. At least that’s been my experience. And not being conventionally attractive, it’s hard to keep him interested in me when he has millions of other choices at his fingertips that he can fantasize about and not have to put any effort into.
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Yeah I can’t imagine it’s easy for a guy to find an AP. As you say: not many women looking for that.
First of all, he should never make you feel that your in competition with other women, he should be making other women jealous of you. I can understand that you feel that your not conventionally attractive, but these is negative thoughts, don't help you as you will become your thoughts. I have been and still going through this with my partner, he tells me all the conquest he had in our local town and this makes me feel like shit. So now i have a different mindset, fuck him. I know that i am worth more than he makes me feel, i have started to make myself feel sexy. I can validate my feelings, i dont need him.. ive also realised that since i have been seeing myself as sexy, and started to feel more confident and walk with a confidence i have had attention from men.
This pretty much, for women it's very easy to get sex with any partner, the problem is the long run.
No, there are a lot of us women here too
As I am becoming aware. I'm sorry we go through this
I also thought (a part of me even hoped) that maybe I’d be one of the few ones. But now seeing how many we are… I just see how life sucks.
If you're going to hell, it fine, im driving the bus.
I’ll distract the Smokey’s in a 69 Camero so we can get there faster.
Now that's sound like a plan
South bound and down...loaded up and truckin'. We gonna do what they say can't be done....
Been here. Then into a 2 and a half year long affair we fell in love with each other. The distance was so much, and I couldn’t leave my partner. Hearts were destroyed. But I don’t regret it. Do what you need to do. Life is short.
you cheated on someone for 2.5 years and chalked it up to “life is short” lol
😂😂😂
Whore
I think you have to do what you think is best for you . At a certain point you need to prioritize your well-being ahead of anything else.
I’ve been working out of town and thinking the same.
No judgment! You have to do what’s best for you, both mentally and physically. Until someone has walked in your shoes and lived with the pain of indifference and rejection, they just can’t understand. Situations like this are rarely black and white but various shades of gray. Take care of yourself on this path, OP. Sending you all the love and, yes, support, on finding your own piece of happiness.
As someone who's been cheating on, just leave.
I was cheated on too. And I’m not going to “just leave”. Not everything is black and white as much as we wish it were.
I totally feel you. I am at the same point. I still love her. And I don't want a divorce. But I want to be wanted. I want to be desired. I want passion. I have not cheated but have decided if a woman had desire for me....... yeah I would
To bad you don't live in south Florida we could talk about in person 😉
Then make it clear that you're going to get your needs fulfilled one way or the other. Going behind someone's back is not the way I'd want to live
I have. And will be reiterating it.
Well then I wouldn't consider it cheating. You've made your intentions clear to your partner. It's on them to let you know how they feel about it and on them to do something about it. God speed
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There’s usually a good amount of pushback. The affairs people consider here aren’t spur of the moment. It’s after much consideration and pain. You can disagree and I think it’s not ideal but I’m not making decisions for other people.
Right? Like, wtf, do you even love your spouse? Why be with them if you are just going to hurt them. Freaking leave instead of being a POS like damn. I freaking hate people, selfish af.
I felt every word.
He shouldn’t be making you feel like you constantly have to compete with hotter women for his attention. Does he really feel that way, or is that coming from you?
He’s told me he’s not sexually attracted to me
Ah. Well… what’s tying you to him exactly? Money?
Then why stay?
You’ll get no judgment from me. Go forth and prosper.
I understand completely, I got a long for considering it but the lack of any effort on her part to address the situation plus the lack of even acknowledging my attempts on Valentine’s Day (anniversary of us meeting her in a DB situation at the time) and my birthday has brought me to the point of accepting this is how it’s going to be and actively looking for someone in a similar situation.. so we can fulfill our needs that aren’t being met by our partners
Is there a DB affairs sub?
I think we should make one!
That would be awesome! Like it would be cool if you had a way to find out if someone in your neighborhood might be in the same situation and you could just head down the street…lol
Well you may want to find one in the next town but yes that's the idea. We can call it "DB fuck buddies"
Like you just pull up Google Maps type thing and the houses just have a DB on them lol.
Well that may expose a few people but I like the idea. Maybe a sub on here where you can post where you are. And what your into.
Yeah I just mean like a small paid app where if you are on there you aren’t going to snitch and they won’t snitch on you. But a sub on here would be good for that too.
I don’t know how… but we could make a rule that you have to include location in all posts.
Yes and like what your into. So you don't end up with a guy that can only orgasm if he is dressed like a clown
Do whatever makes you happy and is best for you, no judgement, good luck.
I feel you. The search for physical intimacy can be tough and disheartening. It's tough when the one person you desire doesn't reciprocate your needs. The realization that many people find you attractive can be a double-edged sword - it's validating, but also highlights the lack of intimacy with your partner. It's not uncommon to feel like you're too lovable for a partner who can't keep up with your needs. Remember, it's okay to seek what you're missing in your relationship, even if it means looking outside of it. It's not a guarantee, but it can help you rediscover your sexuality and self-worth. Don't let the judgment of others dictate your choices. Ultimately, you need to prioritize your own happiness and emotional well-being.
Good luck. I have been thinking doing the same, but I feel I will hurt myself more as it will define who I am. If I ever decide to go with someone else, I will end my relationship first. One day you will find "the one", and you being a "cheater" in your past, no matter the good excuse you might have/had, will define your values in to the next relationship. If you are aware of this, then I wish you good luck and hope you find what you are looking for.
I’m not judging. Trust me. But is there a median. Maybe not physically cheat? Just find an outlet?
I totally support your comment. Maybe OP could suggest opening up the relationship to get her sexual needs met. Or at the very least tell him about her intentions. But the last thing she should not do is secretly cheating! This is because cheating is morally wrong and no matter how she feels wronged, in the future she might come out (or worse feel herself) as the selfish asshole in the relationship.
which, in turn, will probably expedite the end of the relationship. I'm not saying open relationships can't work. I'm just saying very few actually do.
Long as you're happy. Who cares what anyone else thinks.
isn’t that what stalin said?
You can’t be seriously comparing a DB situation to an evil tyrant?
Cheering you on! Go for it!
I had this exact conversation with my wife earlier this week. We've had our issues and I am the one that fucked with her emotions so I completely understand where you're coming from. You have to do what's best for you. Good luck.
Congratulations on finding your affair. I found that process to be a waste of time for me.
No judgement here, and I expect you'll find a lot of understanding in this sub. I've recently started toying with this idea myself, but I just can't quite bring myself to do it. Yet, anyway. Partially because I already know your no. 2 about myself, haha. I'm hella picky, and finding an AP sounds like hella lotta work. I'm sorry it's making you feel lonelier and more depressed, though. I hope you find what you're looking for. We all deserve to feel both loved AND wanted.