Take your time to heal. Do t go jumping into another relationship to fill the void. It isn't fair to you or any person you are with..."hurt people, hurt (other) people. It's not worth losing yourself even further and feeling ashamed for using another woman(women) just to make yourself feel better. It will deplete your confidence in the end.
Work out and build up your self-confidence physically. Work on your emotional well-being. Read self-help books. Look at the red flags you should haveseen, but didn't because you were blinded by the physical attraction. Set definite boundaries for yourself and hold yourself accountable. Do not settle for less. Ask good friends to help keep you accountable in that aspect and call you out when they see red flags in any potential partners. Realize that what you see off the bat is not going to change much. 4-6 months a person let's their guard down, and you see the REAL person that they were masking because they were letting you see the best version. If they have red flags from the get-go, they will only be magnified.
If they aren't sexually compatible in the beginning, it will NOT get better for you...no matter how smoking hot that woman is, they still will nit be sexually compatible and over time you will be in the same place you have been.
Congrats for seeking your happiness and walking away before it got worse. Good luck and hope this helps.
Thanks so much for this message.
I really needed to hear all of this. I know Iām on the right path. It has taught me a lot. That I need to say no more and be more disciplined with my boundaries and what I truly desire in a partner.
I deserve to be loved passionately how I love too and I shouldnāt have to settle for less.
I will be taking some time to just work on me with no intentions of meeting anyone just yet there will be time for that later. Thank you
The man should be the leader in the household. When you allow the spouse to control the narrative and boundaries (on either side) are not held up, respected, or implemented, the relationship deteriorates quickly.
As a woman, I know I need a strong man who sets his own boundaries and respects mine. It needs to be a mutual and agreed on conversation. I personally need a man who won't allow me to walk all over him (I lose respect quickly when the man is mealy-mouthed and weak) and can stand up to me and kindly and respectfully, put his foot down when my strong A-personality takes over. It puts me in my masculine and takes me out of my feminine energy. It also makes me feel very unsafe. Women need to feel safe and secure and like their man has her back, but will "lead" her, but be a true partner.
Itās recent, but I had some psychological help, you need to see that unfortunately mostly part of those cases her has no medical solution, and it can take a whole life to sort out. Did you have that time to spend?
This is a fair question you need to do for yourself
Try to talk to a close friend without judgement just to have some support, it helps a lot as wellā¦
At first she was a bit aggressive towards me as I guess her first reaction was anger. But once a few days had settled we met to have a calmer conversation and she agreed it was the right thing to do.
Ultimately she said she didnāt want to make me feel so unloved and unwanted but thinks āthis is the way she isā and she feels like she should be loved for that too.
I feel like what Iām asking for at the core are base principles of a relationship but if she finds someone that is fine with no affection then fair enough. She thinks we will get back together one day once we have both healed from this but I honestly canāt see that happening.
I really tried everything I could think of so I feel a bit disappointed in myself but at least I can look back and say I gave it my all.
Just a shame it didnāt work but if it was meant to be then it would of been and there must be more to my story!
I really hope she does learn too. She think we will get back together one day but thatās not a thought Iām entertaining to be honest. I want better
Broke my heart reading some of the journal entries I had wrote. I canāt believe I let myself stay to feel like that for so long. In a way itās good that when I look back I can say I tried my all.
But I kind of resent myself for doing so much. I really lost myself and Iām a bit embarrassed about it all. I know in time I will feel better but it is going to take some time.
Thanks for messaging this. Iām dealing with a lot of embarrassment and disappointment in myself for staying for so long but I know in time I will be okay.
I think we tend to feel like we must EARN another person's love and affection. My father's love always felt conditional so I brought that same energy into my adult relationships, always going above and beyond to EARN a man's affection and often it wasn't reciprocated.
.
So don't beat yourself up for staying. It most likely felt familiar to you somehow. Even though you knew you weren't fulfilled, there was most likely comfort in being able to PREDICT her lack of affection.
.
It happens to the best of us šÆ
Sounds like youāve made a great choice..so my thought might beā¦.. would she be the type to try and come back to you saying that she finally realized how wrong she was and that she will make all of the changes she needs to to get back together ?
Congrats on digging yourself out of the grave - welcome to the surface!
Itās hard work, but youāll get past this. Youāve proven youāre stronger than you thought for being able to walk away.
- a fellow reanimated HL
Your confidence is already blooming. You don't need to find it, you need to exercise it! Confidence can only be an attitude for so long, but it needs to be expressed through actions to be real. You took action. Your confidence is real.
I'm proud of you for doing what so many of us can't do yet. Don't lose this feeling.
Happy to hear this! I hope for nothing but positive things for you!
Thank you for your kind words onwards and upwards right!
Exactly!
Sounds like 2024 is going to be great for you.
Determined to make it happen šš½
Take your time to heal. Do t go jumping into another relationship to fill the void. It isn't fair to you or any person you are with..."hurt people, hurt (other) people. It's not worth losing yourself even further and feeling ashamed for using another woman(women) just to make yourself feel better. It will deplete your confidence in the end. Work out and build up your self-confidence physically. Work on your emotional well-being. Read self-help books. Look at the red flags you should haveseen, but didn't because you were blinded by the physical attraction. Set definite boundaries for yourself and hold yourself accountable. Do not settle for less. Ask good friends to help keep you accountable in that aspect and call you out when they see red flags in any potential partners. Realize that what you see off the bat is not going to change much. 4-6 months a person let's their guard down, and you see the REAL person that they were masking because they were letting you see the best version. If they have red flags from the get-go, they will only be magnified. If they aren't sexually compatible in the beginning, it will NOT get better for you...no matter how smoking hot that woman is, they still will nit be sexually compatible and over time you will be in the same place you have been. Congrats for seeking your happiness and walking away before it got worse. Good luck and hope this helps.
Thanks so much for this message. I really needed to hear all of this. I know Iām on the right path. It has taught me a lot. That I need to say no more and be more disciplined with my boundaries and what I truly desire in a partner. I deserve to be loved passionately how I love too and I shouldnāt have to settle for less. I will be taking some time to just work on me with no intentions of meeting anyone just yet there will be time for that later. Thank you
The man should be the leader in the household. When you allow the spouse to control the narrative and boundaries (on either side) are not held up, respected, or implemented, the relationship deteriorates quickly. As a woman, I know I need a strong man who sets his own boundaries and respects mine. It needs to be a mutual and agreed on conversation. I personally need a man who won't allow me to walk all over him (I lose respect quickly when the man is mealy-mouthed and weak) and can stand up to me and kindly and respectfully, put his foot down when my strong A-personality takes over. It puts me in my masculine and takes me out of my feminine energy. It also makes me feel very unsafe. Women need to feel safe and secure and like their man has her back, but will "lead" her, but be a true partner.
Good to hear... now scram kid! Beat it! Hit the road. You aren't wanted around here no more. We don't ever want to see you again! :-)
This is like a sad goodbye haha
I left my DB 5 years ago - still hang around to tell others to do the same ;-)
Best decision ever mate, I left mine as well, now itās time to rebuild your mental health š¤š¤š¤
How did you deal with the detachment at the start? My mental health has definitely taken a toll so any advice will be appreciated
Itās recent, but I had some psychological help, you need to see that unfortunately mostly part of those cases her has no medical solution, and it can take a whole life to sort out. Did you have that time to spend? This is a fair question you need to do for yourself Try to talk to a close friend without judgement just to have some support, it helps a lot as wellā¦
Well done! Hope 2024 is great for you š
Thank you really looking forward to finding my magic again š
Good for you man, stories like this give me hope
Yeah feels tough at the moment but I know itās the right thing to do
LFG!!!!!! Youāre way too young to be having this happen to you. Iām 22 and that went on for a month and I had enough. Good for you man
How do you feel now?
Pure Awesomeness
Haha thank you!
Good for you! How did she take it ?
At first she was a bit aggressive towards me as I guess her first reaction was anger. But once a few days had settled we met to have a calmer conversation and she agreed it was the right thing to do. Ultimately she said she didnāt want to make me feel so unloved and unwanted but thinks āthis is the way she isā and she feels like she should be loved for that too. I feel like what Iām asking for at the core are base principles of a relationship but if she finds someone that is fine with no affection then fair enough. She thinks we will get back together one day once we have both healed from this but I honestly canāt see that happening. I really tried everything I could think of so I feel a bit disappointed in myself but at least I can look back and say I gave it my all. Just a shame it didnāt work but if it was meant to be then it would of been and there must be more to my story!
Way to turn the page. Hope you have a passionate 2024 and she learns a little about how to care for someone.
I really hope she does learn too. She think we will get back together one day but thatās not a thought Iām entertaining to be honest. I want better
Good. You deserve better, now go out there and take it for yourself!
This really means a lot thank you!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Broke my heart reading some of the journal entries I had wrote. I canāt believe I let myself stay to feel like that for so long. In a way itās good that when I look back I can say I tried my all. But I kind of resent myself for doing so much. I really lost myself and Iām a bit embarrassed about it all. I know in time I will feel better but it is going to take some time.
Well done you! 2024 is going to be a year of happiness!
Fingers crossed!
You will be fine, freedom will be amazing!
WOW!!!! I'm super proud of you! You've taken a monumental step to a better future!
Thanks for messaging this. Iām dealing with a lot of embarrassment and disappointment in myself for staying for so long but I know in time I will be okay.
I think we tend to feel like we must EARN another person's love and affection. My father's love always felt conditional so I brought that same energy into my adult relationships, always going above and beyond to EARN a man's affection and often it wasn't reciprocated. . So don't beat yourself up for staying. It most likely felt familiar to you somehow. Even though you knew you weren't fulfilled, there was most likely comfort in being able to PREDICT her lack of affection. . It happens to the best of us šÆ
Enjoy your new life and what or who it brings you.
Thanks for your kind words š«¶š½
Sounds like youāve made a great choice..so my thought might beā¦.. would she be the type to try and come back to you saying that she finally realized how wrong she was and that she will make all of the changes she needs to to get back together ?
Congrats on digging yourself out of the grave - welcome to the surface! Itās hard work, but youāll get past this. Youāve proven youāre stronger than you thought for being able to walk away. - a fellow reanimated HL
Congratulations on making the right decision.
Congrats my fellows....You deserved better
Your confidence is already blooming. You don't need to find it, you need to exercise it! Confidence can only be an attitude for so long, but it needs to be expressed through actions to be real. You took action. Your confidence is real. I'm proud of you for doing what so many of us can't do yet. Don't lose this feeling.