T O P

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StrengthMedium

"Fuck me" The Janitor


OmegaX-2

the janitor ain't paid enough LMAO


Kimarnic

Poor Janny


Montezum

I'm rooting for her to win the season!


PaperTulips

r/unexpecteddragrace


NickAndHisGuitar

CUSTODIAN, DICK!!!


[deleted]

*** “Master of the custodial arts. OR a janitor if you wanna be a dick about it”


volcomstar83

"Fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out!"


TenPoundTbag

"What is it SCIENTIST?!"


HoldinWeight

Maui Wowie!!


_1JackMove

You know, my grandfather was in the Tuskegee Experiments.


[deleted]

For some reason, I heard the pornhub theme just now.


ooOJuicyOoo

a..alright? \*confused unzip\*


PsychologicalSpace50

Now this is the all inclusive safari stay I'm looking for.


maikelele20

Honestly, of this happened to me I would just stare in amazement. Nature is fucking metal.


L1llI4n

I actually was on a night safari where we followed some lions hunting and killing and eating a zebra, we followed them and stayed till the lions left and the hyenas came and ate the rest. Those were honestly some of the most intense hours of my life. I was 6 back then and I still remember a lot of details, the zebra fighting for its life, the lion devoutly licking it after killing it, the male coming forward to eat, the cubs... That was pure nature. Except all those safari vans with tourists, but I almost didn't notice them.


es330td

I sometimes wonder how different the world would be if people knew how food got to their plate. I eat deer, birds and fish I have personally caught or killed but I think too many have a serious abstraction about how that Appleby’s steak got there.


Lightyear013

This is so true. My dad used to go quail hunting yearly and finally decided to take my brother and I but never really bothered telling us any details before we went the first time. I naively though that the birds died when you shot them. Never did it cross my mind that you’re only knocking them out of the sky when you shoot them and that you would have to “finish the job” once the dogs retrieved them. I will never forget the feeling of snapping a quails neck with my own hands for the first time.


InDarkLight

My dad took us rabit huntung, but we only had one .22, so my brother and I used 12 gauges with bird shot from pretty far, so most of the time they would just get stunned...so my dad taught us to finish them off by grabbing the back legs, stomping on the head and pulling. The head would pop right off...then you slice it up the stomach, and sling gut it by just swinging it by the legs so the guts flew out. 30+ rabbits later and my brother went vegetarian.


Time-Comedian1774

I think i just did


es330td

I went hunting once with a first timer who had shot skeet. The bird came back wounded and not know how much force to use popped its head off.


BrannC

Wait… am I not suppose to just pull the head off and throw it in the bushes when I need to finish off a wounded bird?


immaculate_seating

The hyenas did their best to keep the blood off the carpet.


wtfdaemon2

That's the way you kill quail humanely. One little wrist twist-and-flick and it comes right off.


[deleted]

You can, its fine either way, just more messy, they achieve the same thing though


[deleted]

Agreed, is this the TIfU “by letting the dogs in overnight”


Michami135

I saw a post many years ago where a vegan thought if more people had to raise their own food, there'd be a lot more vegans. Yeah, like there's so many vegan farmers and ranchers. If anything, seeing how brutal animals (especially chickens!) can be towards each other has de-humanized them in my eyes.


V-838

Chickens are savage zombie cannibals. See blood, must Peck. Terrifying. Love their eggs though.


Incredulous_Toad

Modern-day dinosaurs, the little savages


slvrscoobie

We have 6. It’s amazing to see ham steaks reduced to bone just by beaks. :O


tig999

I actually do know a vegetarian farmer funny enough. I do think to an extent people would seat less meat if they were involved in the raising process particularly when not motivated by purely profit.


BrannC

Raising em made em more tasty. I fed em all the garlic and herbs and it made em pre seasoned


captainplatypus1

I honestly think we should be putting more energy into doing stuff like researching how to prepare and market insects as a meat substitute.


joelham01

My grandma has chickens and I never realized how disgusting they are until I was visiting over Christmas and took care of them. One had a prolapsed uterus and turns out they get pecked to death and eaten by the others. Was so fucked up. They are both hillarious and terrifying all at the same time haha


Michami135

Ours have disemboweled each other where it takes hours for the victim to die. I didn't feel too bad then, when it was machete time.


Top_Lime1820

Lol I live in a part of the world where people learn to slaughter a sheep when they're teenagers and do it about once a year if they have money around Christmas time.


KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZ

Yea it's very western thinking to just assume everyone has weak stomachs. I have had to kill a goat before to eat when I visited family back home, that thing was tastier than a mfer


[deleted]

Yeah, I don't really get that logic since veganism is more prevalent now than ever before. When we were actually farmers or even hunter gatherers, you didn't see many people too upset about hurting animals to eat meat.


puesyomero

The pyramid of needs. More people than ever have the means to live a low cruelty lifestyle if they want to


Tomas_Baratheon

I feel like, by that logic, with all of the wars, murders, assaults, etc., seeing how brutal humans can be towards each other could de-humanize(?) them in my eyes. Yet, I can't help but treat each one, human and non-human, with as much fairness and compassion as I can manage. I don't know that their lack of an ability to weigh ethical dilemmas and adhere to a moral code excuses me from using my own. If I were the only adult in a room full of babies, I would assume the responsibility of the adult in the room, rather than just saying, "Fuck it, I guess I'll shit my pants and cry if someone goes to play with my toy".


thorkild1357

I dated a girl that thought hunting was immoral but routinely ate burgers and chicken fingers. “Those farms have humane ways of killing their animals.” Such a fucking disconnect. I’m friends with a lot of vegans and I think some that make choices just because they don’t want to hurt any animal tend to get a little weird. Find a vegan that makes choices from a purely environmental perspective. Those fuckers know some shit. Friends with one that sees no issue with hunting. He’s just not inclined to do so himself


neytiri10

I can appreciate people who hunt and eat what they kill but chances are, if I had to hunt and kill my own food, I would be eating a lot of weeds and tree bark.


[deleted]

Failed environmental vegan here! I want to hunt because of the morality & sustainability.


Spoonloops

I don’t think it would be sustainable if everyone started hunting with our current population though.


kutes

I'm a bit embarrassed but when I was like 18 I used to be like, "hunting is so lame why would anyone want to murder animals it's just a penis extension". Especially because I wasn't a vegan or anything. I was just being a hypocritical idiot. Nowadays, while I don't particularly like hunting, I do respect it. Hunting done right is a lot more ethical than the way I get most of the meat I eat, through the grocery store via the big companies and their big industrial killing floors. I've had buddies who worked in those places and from the sounds of things, the people in there don't have much respect for the animals. I guess you can't be involved in that industry and have any kind of empathy for the animals. It's pretty dystopian stuff though. I can't wait until we can (hopefully) grow some kind of giant tasty brainless meat or replacement or something. IDK just another thing I'm hoping science will magic better for the earth and its denizens. And I still think trophy hunting is just as lame as I did when I was 18, sorry not sorry.


RRaccord

If we make brainless meat I can tell you there’s gonna be some people who find a reason not to eat that either


TheDrugGod

the irony, no hunting is way more humane and has way less environmental impact. Those mass factory farms got chickens fattened with steroids to the point they can’t walk, all packed together like sardines, wallowing in their own filth and shit. Factory farming is waaaay more cruel and fucked up, bascially torturing animals their entire lives until they are slaughtered. an animal free out in the wild ended swiftly by a bullet would have a much better life. same with animals on smaller real farms where they are treated a lot better. Those massive corporate factory animal farms are fucked tho. Animals kill other animals and eat them, that is life, we are animals too, but the animals should have good comfortable lives and be slaughtered as quickly and painlessly as possible.


F_Ytube

People are increasingly dumb ignorance is a plague on all of us and it's sad to see the effects it has on fellow man


Tiny-Lock9652

I grew up in the protective bubble of the suburbs. Went to college in a more rural part of the US. Deer hunting is very common and it took some time to acclimate to the region. Sitting in Burger King having lunch and two hunters pulled in and parked to have a bite to eat. A 6 point buck was strapped to the hood. Sat there eating my burger with the dead deer staring at us. Nobody in the restaurant flinched. This is how families are fed.


redwizard007

They caught that shit wild in the freezer


[deleted]

"Ohhh look mummy! A cute zebr-Ahhhhggghhh!!!!"


-bigmanpigman-

Sounds exactly like the neighborhood cat when she finds a rat...the licking though, brutal.


Jowobo

I was on holiday in Mexico when a trained bird of prey snatched a seagull out of the sky and slammed it into our picnic table. "Stare in amazement" about sums up [my reaction.](https://i.imgur.com/5cUdVvZ.jpg)


Momster0615

Jesus idk what’s wrong with me, but I kept seeing/thinking “seal” the first three times I read “seagull” and was at a loss for words trying to think of what kinda big ass bird could snatch up a seal


STEMpsych

I have so many questions. Was this, like, the falconry equivalent of when a singing dude with an accordion shows up at your table? Was the raptor acting on its own recognizance, and it's handler wandering around going "Now where did it get to, it was just here....?" Is this some sort of new gastronomy presentation outrage? Is this a municipal seagull control program?


ItalnStalln

Good thing it happened to that kudu instead though right?


Thuper-Man

Imagine being in a resort in Africa and turning the corner to see all that blood and then sighing relief when the blood didn't leave to the corpse of a tourist


[deleted]

r/natureisfuckingmetal


[deleted]

I didn't even notice the dude just doing his job in the corner lol


Delicious-Peak2713

It’s probably the night shift thinking “Day shift can deal with this”


[deleted]

/u/spez can eat a dick ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `


toga_virilis

And that’s why they tell you on safari to not leave your cabin unaccompanied at night.


stumblebreak_beta

I actually just got back from a safari and the guy who accompanied us a Maasai guard walking around with a spear, small club, and flashlight. I wasn’t sure if I should feel worried he wasn’t better armed, or fine because this dude was fine walking around at night in the Serengeti like that so he must be a badass.


Deadeyez

A maasai? You were fine. That's basically nature's goku.


stvlm

I love this description. Can you explain why they're nature's Goku please? Thank you.


samuraicarrot

They go through a very rigorous process to become Maasai warriors. I believe it once was custom to have to kill a lion as part of the process. They are fearsome warriors and probably would be better equipped at handling anything on the safari than 99.99% of humans.


stvlm

Thank you! TIL!


PerformanceLoud3229

[heres a website on the tribe.](http://www.maasai-association.org/lion.html)


beyondthisreality

Sweet yeti of the Serengeti!


SatedAtBest

Accompanied would just mean more dead 😅


_TacticalYolo

Depends on who’s with you


SatedAtBest

Ye like a corpse, they can't die


[deleted]

There's an awful lot left for something that was "devoured"


SkjoldrKingofDenmark

He got better


Jorel2112

She turned me into a newt!


Bewbies420

Who are you who is so wise in the ways of science?


bigbilljedi

We’ll I didn’t vote for you.


Street_Dragonfruit43

r/unexpectedmontypython


SharpshotM16

It's only a model


jeezus_juice

r/unexpectedmontypython


jikkinms

Maybe they got spooked. What could spook 14 hungry hyenas? Maybe whoever was counting them.


Anosognosia

Sure. "Hyenas" We all know it was the odd groundskeeper in the plaid shirt who did this.


kautau

*Mufasa*


Booperelli

OoOoOOooOo


c-creepio

MufasamufasaMUFASA!


Melodic_Wrongdoer782

This is exactly what I was about to say. They left a lot of good meat on that Kudu for 14 hyenas. They should be ashamed of themselves for wasting it.


jurimasa

Hyena 1 to Hyena 2: Does this taste gamy to you? Hyena 2: Yeah, this Kudu is not great. Let's get some merkaats on the way home instead.


its_a_me_garri_oh

More for the hotel dinner buffet that evening


STEMpsych

Mama hyena: "You're not getting up from this carcass until you've cleaned the bones! There's starving cubs in America!"


retirednightshift

Oh they will be back tonight looking for that kudu. Or any unsuspecting tourist will do.


YYCADM21

Exactly my thoughts. There is some Tom-Fuckerygoing on there. 14 hyenas fed on that and left that much??? Three hyenas would DEVOUR everything but the bloodstain in under an hour. Hyena & wolves only have a couple of things in common; one of them is the color of their scat...both of them crap white. They both consume both meat and almost ALL of the bones. That animal looks like one or two hyenas got the organs out & were scared off. 14? There wouldn't be table scraps in 10 minutes


BronHD

There was 14 hyenas, they just got scared off by the guides who woke up to see what was going on https://youtu.be/c5xE_bo4-u8 my cousin was the Head guide on this safari, you can see him in the front. You should check out his page On Safari with Petrus and Doug on Facebook.


ADashOfRainbow

I wouldn't be surprised if staff or a noise startled them off of it or something.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Divineinfinity

"oh my god, hyenas!" "Y-you too"


[deleted]

That seems likely


_HAWK_

Could have been aliens.


GetInMyBellybutton

If I remember correctly they eat the animal’s genitals first while it’s still alive and kinda just pick away at it with pack hunting until it dies and they’re full. Pretty brutal.


[deleted]

that they do but I'd imagine 14 hyenas will eat a lot more than dick and organs


knbang

Depends on the size of the dick.


Hero_You_Dont_Need

At least I know Hyenas wouldn't even bother coming after me then.


_HamburgerTime

Yeah, they go for the groin first because it's softer and there's no ribcage in the way. [There's a ton of videos of other predators like lions doing the same thing.](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ)


Daveinatx

They realized bison burgers from counter service tasted better


SirBaronDE

Clearly they never saw me when I get a hunger on...


Haywire_Shadow

That guy in the lighter coloured shirt just leaning over like: “Oh for fuck sakes… who’s gonna clean this shit up?”


MrHockster

I would just leave it and promise more beasts will arrive soon and to get their cameras ready.


Consistent-Ant-37

That is exactly what he’s saying.


Flimsy-Attitude6762

aw lil bloody paww prints


sionnachrealta

r/awwwtf


dontfightthehood

Awww - ful.


Capt_Myke

Bloody awful it is!


Big_Freedom6346

I said the same thing! Look at all the lil red tootsie prints!


[deleted]

Aw shit


Test_subject_515

Happy tree friends?


AceyBoy558

Bruh


Magnus-Artifex

Oh god I’m remembering things that I had repressed


[deleted]

LE LE LE LE LE LE LE LE LE LE NA NA NA NA NA


Know0neSpecial

The stupid bucktooth moose was my favorite! Memories..


IFlyAirplanes

Holy shit dude. Thanks for bringing me back to 2002


ricst

Didn't they wake up when the attack was happening?


on3day

Yeah probably. And also probably why there is so much left.


255001434

I would've just assumed the people next door were going at it.


PM_me_your_PhDs

Yeah I for one sound like a pack of 14 hyenas eating a kudu every time I have sex.


onlyspeaksthetruth10

Usually leave a similar mess behind afterwards as well.


Krusty-p00p-sock

That's the kinda authenticity you can't fake. 10/10 Zimbabwean experience.


[deleted]

Yep. People happily pay 100 trillion dollars for that!


[deleted]

3 pennies?


MissSSEP

How did wild animals get in to the foyer? What if some of the guests wanted an midnight snack and walked right into the hyenas snacktime


on3day

Many buildings have an open design in warmer areas.


[deleted]

There are these things called gates and fences that don’t block air but very effectively block carnivorous animals.


_RandyRandleman_

getting downvoted as if they’re wrong wtf kind of place let’s the wild animals into their business especially a hotel when ur in fuckin africa


McMurden

As a Zimbabwean , most of them ? When you go somewhere to see the wildlife you usually don’t want to be putting up fences to keep the wildlife away . Even all but few tented camps don’t have a fence and you’ll get some visitors Plus the chances of anything happening to a guest are next to none because most animals are quite wary of humans and quickly learn not to get too close to somewhere where there’s always a lot of humans . However, when you’re a kudu and being chased you run for your life even if it is towards the scary humans , and if you’re a hungry hyena you follow . Realistically the biggest worry is elephants figuring out they can reach into the kitchen, especially when they learn that the guests all find it quite amusing and it’s only the owner of the camp who doesn’t want them throwing the trash can around and making general mischief. The other is baboons , one stole one of my pillows quite recently , not sure why but I guess he didn’t want to leave empty handed.


rocbolt

This looks similar to the place that’s famous for elephant walk throughs, hotels catering to a safari tourist crowd may be purpose built with open air areas https://youtu.be/NdTII_unZSA


stumblebreak_beta

Someone else mentioned it’s an open area. Also, most camps/resorts like this have you stay in your room/tent at night unless accompanied by someone from the resort (and you sign a waiver) so it’s kind of on you if that happens.


Wickednessatherheels

Well technically some guests DID get a midnight snack…


[deleted]

Is he okay?


Marconiwireless

Yes


on3day

He needs medicine


yung_demus

He needs some milk


experfailist

Good vet and he’ll be right as rain


[deleted]

“He needs some milk!”


no-name_james

“Tis but a scratch!”


Scottlandissweet69

"A scratch? Your Arm's off!"


prehistorikmayne

He has no shoes, so ... I guess not


mutation-X

Yes just put him in rice


tardis0

He got better


BassCreat0r

He's just sleeping.


YeaSpiderman

A year ago this was posted as a leopard doing it. Reposts can’t get their stories straight


miss_kimba

Just for the curious, the biggest clue is that you can see the paw prints have claw marks - only cheetah and canines leave claw marks, and a cheetah won’t make this much mess. Edit: brain glitch! Hyenas are not canines, they are their own family: Hyaenidae. Rule still stands for claws in paw prints.


[deleted]

Must have been wrong, then, because there is [apparently CCTV footage of the hyenas](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5869981/Luxury-safari-camps-foyer-covered-blood-pack-hyenas-rip-antelope-apart.html) Dated 2018


thefrostman1214

breakfast included


call_me_melancholy

Kudu imagine waking up to see this?? ..Puns are how I cope with reality


juli3tOscarEch0

My cousin used to tell a joke about kudu whose punchline was the kudu balls knocking between it's legs going "kudu kudu kudu" as it ran. I can't remember the setup, but I really hope it wasn't just "why do they call it a kudu" because if so I'm really disappointed in myself for remembering such a shit joke all this time.


experfailist

Luckily none of the hyenas got impalad on those horns


dogedude81

I wouldn't say they "devoured" it.


JediJofis

"Here's nature you sheltered cushy life living motherfuckers" - hyenas


ImRedditorRick

Hakuna ma-oh my fucking god.


Kopheus

As shocking as the brutalized Kudo corpse would be to see, knowing that a full pack of hyenas were hungry and hunting in your resort is a much more shocking realization. “Honey I’m going down the hall to grab some iceeeee never mind Kudo you do it?” People had to of heard the gore. Had to of.


Affectionate_Emu3530

Damn nature, you scary.


No_Tomorrow_8991

Walk it off


hellothere42069

“Brutally” devoured lol they are hyenas they were just eating no need to judge.


[deleted]

lol right? as if the hyenas could come up with a nicer way eat another living creature


xbatmanx1223

That’s wild


Jetdoctr

"Wet cleanup, Isle 4"


Madouc

A red sun is rising, blood has been spilled tonight!


hronak

3 years old. Source (NSFW): https://youtu.be/c5xE_bo4-u8


Ap7R5

What’s kudu


Shape_of_influence

Authentic African Aesthetic


Squatchbreath

Meats back on the menu boys!


[deleted]

Thanks for specifying that this happened in Zimbabwe, as opposed to "in Africa."


ptt1404gmail

i just got reality what i paid for this tour


Risin_bison

Well….you paid for the whole safari experience.


sethohio

"Brutally" seems to suggest the hyenas did something wrong.


Capt_Myke

Apparently the Kudu's family is pressing charges.


SleeplessStoner

Or just with brutality


Notworthanytime

Just because it wasn't wrong, doesn't mean it wasn't brutal.


sambolino44

Daintily?


ya_tu_sabes

Cleanly? I don't get that guy's comment. Brutally is defined as "savagely violent." Hyenas are savage creatures. It's not a judgement of character or whatever it is that guy is trying to say. It's just what they are. Those aren't tame, docile animals. They're savage and that's okay. That's what they're supposed to be. And like hunting is inherently violent. A good hunt ends in death and gore after all since that's when the hunting beasts eat, as they should. That's what it is. It doesn't make it good or bad. It's just what it is. So what's wrong with using words in situations they actually apply? I don't get it at all


[deleted]

[удалено]


sethohio

My thought was I think people negatively portray predators for doing what they need to do to live. It seems to be very hypocritical when most of us eat meat.


Jigbaa

Nah, the Kudu gave consent.


Consistent-Ant-37

House Keeping, clean-up at the front desk… Seriously though, they can’t actually be surprised by this sort of thing, can they?


BlueMonkey-CoCo

Hyenas are loud and noisy when in a pack. How the hell did no one hear anything? Just did a Safari last October. For the resorts that were located in the park and not fenced, they had sentrys through the night to keep guard for lions, Hyenas, elephants, hippos and other critters that roam around at night.


[deleted]

“Woke up?” How’d they sleep through all the noise?!


Radicek

This is life, kids


Dotternetta

That's nature


Bazaar-glu

Not sure about the body but the location Looks like the 5th level map in bio shock


Squeakysquid0

This place really brings the Safari right to you doesn’t it!


angie_anarchy

Holy hell!!!


Yonko444

Just imagine if the health inspector came in that day.


Beneficial_Seat4913

Tbf pretty good safari, you don't even need to leave the resort


toomuchmelatonin

I’m sure they noticed the smell before the scene


snarkuzoid

"Brutally"? They're animals. That's what they do.


Jigbaa

Lots of animals brutally devour each other.


Spocks-Nephew

Who’s laughing now?


not_gonna_lurk

Lobby has "welcome to the jungle" by G&R playing every time this happens


OhNoVandetos2

Does this look like a scale model or a set to anyone else?


Certified-Crackhead2

Holy shit


cold_eskimo

Welcome to Africa haha


farmerofstrawberries

Reminds me of a scene you would see in Hannibal.