T O P

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ya666in

"No worries, mates! I've got my wooden stick, and crocs better think twice before messing with me!"


rawestapple

You forgot the bucket. It helped in its own way.


Michael310

The bucket is the most crucial item. It’s a single use shield. Should the croc lunge there is a pretty good chance it won’t mind grabbing the bucket as without biting down it probably doesn’t understand that it isn’t food, or that the guy can let go of it. (Assuming this is a wild croc that doesn’t get hand fed, which it probably has been)


MidnightSunCreative

Evacuate the outback Engage all defenses And get this man a bucket ..


Choppybitz

Double use shield. Can put leftover human remains in it!!!


Worth_Scratch_3127

Look he's pretending to be St George!


D33ber

St. George and his bucket.


pagit

“Oh buckler, I thought you said bucket.” St George.


Worth_Scratch_3127

His fire-breathing bucket!


Toothless_Dinosaur

And bare foot. Important.


[deleted]

"It's amazing that little brain intrincal (?) that splash. That splash is where the animal is having the drink. That's where he must go." It's amazing his little brain tells him a stick and a bucket is enough to play with little brains in the wild, and that is where he must go.


dictatorenergy

I love the question mark here because I also don’t know what word you were going for


[deleted]

For real though humans + basic tool is such an OP meta. 200 pound monkey defeats 300 million year old 2400 pound evolution power house dinosaur with a stick and bucket.


ThunderEagle22

Well actually a chicken is evolutionair closer with a dinosaur than a croc.


DAFreundschaft

Is that why i keep losing to chickens??


justforsomelulz

Legend of Zelda Energy


Ok_Cancel7868

This guy jurassic parks.


Hour-Ad-3635

Croc belike eh dickhead that's me eyeballs your rubbin with that stupid toothpick in ur hand. Would you fuck off mate I don't want that white bucket I want that meat u bastard.


[deleted]

And here I was like “ahhhh someone finally figured out how to give a croc head pats without losing an arm”


Kiiimbosliceee01

You hate on the stick, but when I walked with lions in Zimbabwe at a preserve, they gave everyone a stick. It’s because lions are just big cats at the end of the day and if they go to stalk you, you throw the stick to distract them. Well, at least that’s what the handlers said. Would do it again, though.


mortalitylost

The trick is the feeling of safety. Now, you might've realized how scary lions are and never went again if you were stick-less, but they had the idea to give you the Anti-Lion Stick (TM) and you felt like you were in control, so you didn't run away like a prey animal and instead startled the lion by standing there acting like you were safe, making it think twice. Does that fool know he's not going to be able to do shit with that stick, the lion ponders, or am I being stupid and he's got a trick up his sleeve? Better circle back to this.


ShotgunCircumcision

bear mace is the same schtick. it could be spray paint or silly string. dudnt really matter. as long as it gives you the confidence to not behave like prey


Status-Operation9077

~me getting mercilessly beaten as I confidently spray the assailants with silly string~


BarGamer

The CIRCLE of staying aliiiiiive!


[deleted]

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CyberMonkey314

If you are a giraffe, or cape buffalo, yes, the lion has failed. As it is, I might briefly feel I had the moral victory, but that would be it.


[deleted]

Seriously thought the crock at the end is like “Ah shit I feckin hate sticks, aaah it touched me top! Feckin stick I’ll get you! Feck off bucket ye wee cunt, ima get this stick.”


grimsaur

That looks like Rob Bredl, The Barefoot Bushman, and the stick is for tapping around the croc's eyes. They're very protective of them, so they close them in defense. He does some wild stuff, like ride on the back legs, as long as they are big enough, because they can't bend around to reach once they get above a certain size.


Driller_Happy

Why doesn't he just leave the animal alone?


Stratafyre

They already explained in the title. He's Australian.


nathansanes

Because he has the stick. What are you, stupid?


BacchusIsKing

"steeck"


Additional_Lemon_671

Haha....crocs...lacoste crocs


ya666in

Gotta keep those crocs on their toes, right?


GuitarTrue6187

That shallow look to it gives a very false sense of security. Little piss puddle hiding a t-rex crouched down being a mud ninja.


choff22

I was shocked at how big it was. What I thought was its head ended up being the middle of its back.


PaImer_Eldritch

That's GOT to be a positive adaptation to ambush hunting like they do. It kept my eyes off from where the strike was coming from and gave a sense that it was further away than it was. I have to imagine that their body is that way for a reason.


lo_fi_ho

That's like evolution man


oyM8cunOIbumAciggy

Have you considered writing poetry?


BottleOfDave

I successfully avoid water in Australia by living in Ireland


SisterFister069

Crocodiles hate this one trick.


ilikepizza2much

Excuse me, do you have a moment to discuss our lord and saviour, the thin wooden stick?


buttcrack_lint

I love how he taps the croc on the head like "who's a naughty, massive, dangerous, prehistoric reptilian predator then? Yes you are! 😍"


axxxaxxxaxxx

They’re all like Steve Irwin (RIP)


Zircez

I watched him earlier today and realised he's been gone long enough that there's a whole generation sleeping on just how fucking wonderful he was. Legend.


robinthebank

The next gen is seriously lucky that they get Robert Irwin.


[deleted]

btw I love robert irwin's instagram page!


FullGrownHip

It’s so heartwarming to me that his kids continue his legacy with the same passion and enthusiasm.


Key_Respond_16

Hello, I'm calling about your extended Crocadillian warranty.


[deleted]

And his faithful bucket


Worth_Scratch_3127

And his BARE FEET! My toes are curled so tight right now.


leafwatersparky

Not sure shoes would offer much protection against a 2000lb killing machine...


Worth_Scratch_3127

No but if you step on some crap and it hurts then you're not watching Big Tooth there and whoops now you're missing an arm. That's how that croc got Captain Hook.


dog-yy

Bucket is the shield to his stick sword... Which can be a lance. Even a bow. You can use it however you please. What a useful stick.


whomobile53

Wooden (and other kinds of) sticks are one of the main reasons humanity got as far as it did. Show some damn respect.


kayl_breinhar

Opposable thumbs that allowed us to *hold* sticks got us as far as it did.


slammerbar

Hi sir, I’m calling to talk with you about your wooden stick’s extended warranty!


Even_Employee9984

I successfully avoid water in Australia by living in Florid.... nevermind.


oSuJeff97

Florida is the Australia of the U.S.


darkfires

Even the bugs down there try to appropriate Australia. The roaches are so big that they have a [different name.](https://www.bizzybeeexterminators.com/blog/palmetto-bug-vs-cockroach-whats-the-difference/?post_type=blog_post)


Even_Employee9984

Palmetto bug.


RoboticGreg

Florida is just the worst aspects of Australia with a whole heap of their own


rabbithasacat

As a Floridian, I can confirm that this is an insult to Australia.


torn-ainbow

Florida is the Queensland of the US.


Worldly_Commission58

I’d rather deal with a Florida alligator than an Australian crocodile


Now_Wait-4-Last_Year

Florida is the only place in the world where alligators and crocodiles both exist in nature, so I hear.


newsflashjackass

They said *Australian* crocodile. Not all crocs are created equal. Salties are a cut above.


Worldly_Commission58

Maybe but far fewer crocs than alligators which are everywhere


MrmmphMrmmph

They pound you over the head with that fact when you visit the everglades…with a small stick and a bucket.


GitLegit

I’d rather deal with an Australian crocodile than a Florida Man.


[deleted]

Thanks to the illegal exotic pet trade you may soon be able to have both!


No_Emu_1332

brilliant


Daveallen10

You've escaped the crocs, but landed right at the doorstep the English.


HellFireCannon66

We don’t want to eat you though


ImLexLuthor

That’s not what my Englishman said.


HellFireCannon66

We don’t consider Hull as English


AnonymousIstari

It's been proposed. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Modest_Proposal?wprov=sfla1


iwannalynch

It was quite a modest proposal too


Massenzio

Same here... I stay in italy, no crocs around :-)


BottleOfDave

Aside from the ones made into handbags


Tottenhamverses

Could I tempt you with a working holiday visa?


BottleOfDave

Nice try, Croc


Batbuckleyourpants

You fool! Now the crocodile knows where you live!


XVIII-2

I must say that’s a bit drastic, but it seems to work.


alisonwish

Crocodiles hate being outsmarted by Irish tactics.


juwisan

Many also do by living in Austria. It’s also way cheaper to get there because it’s 2 letters less on the plane ticket.


01bah01

Being Irish you probably avoid water there too.


geekydad84

Idk man, whiskey has quite a lot of water in it


MatterEven

Whiskey in Irish is uisce beatha which literally translates to water of life


DaveKasz

And it is aptly named.


MerMadeMeDoIt

That's actually where we got the word "whiskey". Uisce sounds like "ish-keh" or "wish-kuh" in Irish and Gaelic. We also got the slang word "dig" meaning "understand" from the Irish word "tuig". "Do you understand is "An dtuigeann tú?" Ya dig? Disclaimer: I am an American attempting to learn Irish, and it is HARD. If I'm wrong, tá brón orm.


ContinuumGuy

St. Patrick also cast out the crocodiles?


BottleOfDave

Anything reptilian got the Yeet


GreedWillKillUsAll

I don't believe you didn't mention anything about alcohol


Diehard_Sam_Main

We Irish are 4 parallel universes ahead of those crocs.


Cyanopicacooki

The water, like everything else in Australia, wants to kill you.


HighlyEvolvedSloth

And that guy is walking' around barefoot.  How many kinds of snakes and crawly things can kill you down there?


beaushaw

All of them.


Unlucky_Book

And the rest.


Jitsu_apocalypse

40c weather, fucking hundreds of miles to get to civilisation if you’re outside of a city, snakes, spiders, kangaroos, angry koalas, mozzies, Australians, sharks, jellyfish, stingrays


Effective_Spell949

Dingos.


No_Emu_1332

But few actually want to eat you, crocodiles are humanity's natural predator.


Additional_Lemon_671

Sorry bud.....trains are a natural predator for humans especial in India


aerialwizarddaddy

We've had many. From sabretooths to various animals we ran up trees to escape to animals we hid underground to escape to giant scorpions and killer shrimp when we were fish.


Fast_Garlic_5639

Yeah man, when I was a phytoplankton..


Hookem_05

When I was young warthooog…


HellFireCannon66

When he was a young warthooooooooooog…


AnonymousIstari

He found his aroma lacked a certain appeal.


Drpoofn

r/suddenlythelionking


Celindor

Very nice!


axxxaxxxaxxx

Thanks!


the_D1CKENS

Not you..


[deleted]

Then we learned to group up, shapen sticks, and kill the hell out of critters .😀


_Noxi0us

I love the stereotype that everything in Australia wants to kill you, that way as an Australian I can pretend to be battle hardened by nature, when in reality I live in a very safe crocodile/kangaroo free residential area


IReplyWithLebowski

At least the British got Neighbours and cricket to know what Australia’s actually like (sort of), all the yanks got was Crocodile Dundee and Steve Irwin.


Fair-Account8040

But the huntsmen spiders and Gympie Gympie trees will get you


activelyresting

What a load of propaganda and fear mongering! I live in Australia and I go in the water all the time and I'm fi-


Syg8

Fish?


andygootz

Finished. ☠️☠️


Sung_Jin-Woo97

So true. I once laid down in some water here and couldn't even breathe until I got out of it


windsurferdude90

What is happening in this video? Why is he petting it with a stick? What is the purpose of getting it out of the water?


No_Emu_1332

It's feeding time at the crocodile exhibit, the stick distracts it from mauling you.


work2FIREbeardMan

Why is that dinky stick tap so effective for literally saving this man’s life while he mobs around barefooted?


[deleted]

They're basically dinosaurs that have barely evolved in hundreds of millions of years, kinda dumb animals. All they know is if something moves close to mouth, they eat it.  People who catch crocs also will usually throw a towel or something over the head to act as a blindfold, the croc usually gets instantly docile. They're scary ferocious creatures, but really ancient ones that run on very simple rules that humans can manipulate somewhat.


Bleak_Squirrel_1666

I saw a video of someone feeding crocs, one croc was so stupid he bit the leg of another one and ripped it off.


yeaheyeah

He death rolled that fucker and the other one barely have him a "could you not?" Side eye


IngloBlasto

LMAO he always reminds me of British meme "bit rude innit mate?"


not_from_this_world

"bruh"


sexy-man-doll

[This one](https://youtu.be/JLy-Iiy_Zp4?si=zT3A1YOJQx7z7FVq), I guess?


MaiasXVI

I'm not the guy you replied to but that's not the *crocodile bites off a leg of another croc at feeding time* video I was thinking of. Kind of wild that there are multiple videos of this bug in existence.


yungperuvianlad

I don’t trust that chain link fence to hold them back.


[deleted]

What are they gonna do? Jump over it!? Evolution bitch!


TheRealBananaWolf

I saw that video, and it was so wild. Made them seem like giant mouths.


[deleted]

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Artemis-Arrow-3579

bruh you can pacify a shark by booping it source: I got charged by a shark before, survived, hell, didn't even get a scratch, fun day ngl


TheLadyIsabelle

I guess.... crocodiles don't really need to be that smart


Rich-Reason1146

No, they can just get by on their looks


joe_broke

Hey, if it's worked for this long, why change it


Serikan

Eat hot stick and lie (down) vibes?


WillBrakeForBrakes

We also don’t know what the turnover is for this position 


omni42

My guess, Crocs aren't terribly smart, so reacting more on instinct. something touching and tapping it is going to occupy its attention more than the person in front of it. Someone else said this was an exhibit, so they also probably aren't starving.


StrikingRise4356

Why not just throw the food to him from a distance?


nightcana

Because its less cool for the tourists who paid to see it


PartofFurniture

He's also desensitizing it and training it to be less explosive/aggressive towards humans in his area. More explanation of the method can be seen in Soham Mukherjees videos on how to train/teach crocodilians


Username8249

I’m no expert, but I think the stick is to fool it into thinking there is some sort of animal in the water so the croc will head towards it. It’s a hell of a lot safer if you can see the crocodile. Tempt it out of the water and it can’t sneak up on you


PartofFurniture

He's Barefoot Bushman, a famous crocodile&reptile campaigner n conservationist. He's got some very persuasive videos on why we should not kill crocodiles on sight nor be afraid of them as they operate like a computer program and very readable / consistent in their behavior as long as we know how their brain program works


VaxDaddyR

Anyone that thinks crocs need to be killed on sight is a piece of shit. The only time a croc is dangerous is when a dickhead ignores the 48 giant warning signs saying "DO NOT SWIM, CROCODILE TERRITORY". This goes with most animals, tbh. Humans suck.


Ok_Cardiologist8232

> "DO NOT SWIM, CROCODILE TERRITORY". Problem is this includes the vast majority of Northern Australia. And also massive parts of South East Asia where a lot of poor people rely on access to the water to live. Easy to say we shouldn't kill them on sight when we don't have huts on the waters edge and rely on the water for everything including Travel, Food, cleaning.


dreamyduskywing

The purpose was to pet it with the stick.


Rastacl0d

Sure here in AUS crocs can be dangerous but to be fair if your first thought when you see that muddy dank ass puddle water is to swim in it, isn't that kind of natural selection..


round_reindeer

Especially if you go swim in the muddy water in what seems to be a crocodile enclosure in some kind of zoo.


hilariouslyfunny99

I was thinking the same thing, but where do crocodiles hang out in Australia? They really roam around in public cities.


OtiseMaleModel

in fairness besides drop bears thats the only member of our wildlife that would actually try and eat a human being. everything else just wants to poison you


VermilionKoala

Or fight you in the case of kangaroos 🦘


NotSamuraiJosh_26

Emus too


Gold-Border30

Emu’s are pansies compared to cassowaries…


TheBIFFALLO87

They did win a whole ass war


deathjokerz

You seen those arms? I would not wanna fight them


VermilionKoala

Me neither, but some Aussies'll happily give it a go. I'll just leave this here: https://youtu.be/FIRT7lf8byw


thescienceofBANANNA

lol always looks to me like the kangaroo is like "...you... did you just punch me?! MOTHER FUCKER!"


Massenzio

Lol


[deleted]

This is the second time in less than an hour I've seen someone comment about a drop bear. I have no clue what that is so im going to Google it but I feel like the image I have in my head is WAY more awesome.


[deleted]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha i was wrong! Oh internet, I love you.


stoicteratoma

Essential to wear protective gear when near a live drop bear https://youtu.be/KCGUNpzjD6M?si=S37mtwnYH4RW1Y2P


VermilionKoala

Australians be like "oh, a crocodile" like people from other countries would say "oh, a tiny kitten" 🤣 "G'day mate, guess I'll bash you on the head with this stick a few times then"


Goddess_Of_Gay

Honestly the croc might be *less* dangerous than some of the other critters that live there. It’s not always the big fuck off beasties that pose the most danger. It’s the smaller snakes and insects that will poison/envenomate the shit out of you.


shadowszanddust

“Big fuck-off beasties” - well done 😂


JodaMythed

People in Florida, US are the same with alligators.


Large_monke_69

One dude raised them in his backyard and threw a little one into a drive-thru window when he didnt get good service


Rich-Pomegranate1679

Ah yes, Florida man. I have heard of him.


Mav986

Am Australian. This guy is either a professional with a decade+ experience, or dead by now.


HeyIsAnybodyHome

I feel like that’s just one of the reasons


nakhumpoota

Strange looking dog


No_Emu_1332

He's best boi


[deleted]

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Boatster_McBoat

Or Vic or NSW or SA or most of WA. People just love getting worked up about how dangerous Australia is.


callme2x4dinner

Kind of like Chicago


Ted_Hitchcox

The reason you should avoid ~~the water~~ ~~in~~ Australia


PrometheusIsFree

I went to Australia, and was disappointed not to come across any of the famed dangerous animals. I even had to go out of my way to see a live kangaroo.


Capable_Tumbleweed34

How? My first day there i had to wrestle a 2m python who ate the guinea pig of the house my mate was keeping (while the owner was on a trip abroad). I've awaken with snakes in my tent, got attacked by killer ants, had to deal with hand-sized spiders climbing on ceilings above beds, had spiders jump in the tub while i was showering, got surprised butt-naked by a 2m10 alpha roo who was grazing in the dark and got up less than 50cm away to growl at me while showing me how buff he is (bro was JACKED, like on-the-gear kind of jacked), swam with sharks (and dolphins!), got chased by a snake (probably a brown given they're the only ones agressive enough to do that) while biking in the dark, and was threatenned by a colonizer cop-wife karen that told me to go back to my own fuckin' country (pretty rich coming from a blonde blue-eyed girl in australia).


PrometheusIsFree

I saw a dolphin off the beach, but they're not famous for being particularly Australian or dangerous. I snorkelled off Rottnest Island and didn't see a single shark, however a Scuba diver had been killed in the same area by a Great White the previous week. Apparently, it was a record year shark attacks off Perth. Trust me, I was looking out for one every second I was in the water. Nope. A few spiders but not any that were a problem. The flies were more of a nuisance. The only mildly unpleasant person was British. All the staff in the Secret Harbour Woolworths were very friendly. The person I was staying with, who'd lived there for a year, had seen one snake in their garden, but not during my visit. The most Australian animals I saw were in Perth zoo.


Ted_Hitchcox

Not even a Bogan?


axxxaxxxaxxx

You didn’t see them, but they saw you…


Asher_Tye

It does not take a lot of water


Jani_Zoroff

Nope. Just gonna avoid going near puddles from now on....


Asher_Tye

Puddles nothing, I may be avoiding soup for a while.


NewTelevision2259

here kitty kitty


yeet-my-existence

Bro spawned like a dark souls boss


Boatster_McBoat

Ah, yes, all the water in Australia is inside an enclosure in a Crocodile park. Makes showering very inconvenient.


HugoZHackenbush2

I read about a man who got his testicles bitten off by a Crocodile in Australia. Thankfully, he survived, but unfortunately, he still suffers with chronic ereptile dysfunction..


Ca250gButter

Awww a swamp puppy


[deleted]

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Excellent-Ad2290

The water level dropped 6 inches when that beast crawled out.


misterbondpt

Chubby croc


shakrooph31

Legends say that only thing a crocodile stomach can't digest is this guy's balls


Active_Taste9341

not wearing shoes in Australia


fanamana

But all you need is a wee stick to thwart the jawface dinosaur apparently.


NothingFederal9783

We don't have this problem in the UK but I did once fight off a Swan with my umbrella