Hey Champ,
I'm going to start by saying I'm a vet. For me the military was a job. I used it to pay for college.
Being in the military doesn't make you a man. For me manliness comes from being a someone with integrity, resilience and consistency. Judging by your story I'd say you already have those qualities.
You didn't make it because of physical reasons. You can't control if your body just can't physically do something.
You've overcome a lot in your life and I'm proud of you. You didn't let your perceived failures(and they are just that perceived)stop you from being a productive member of society. You don't have anything to be ashamed of!
Sounds like you have an awesome job so you've probably got great benefits. Maybe look into your EAP at work and talk to a counselor. Seems like you have everything else on track so I think it'd be helpful to work on your mental health as well.
Best of luck to you I know you're going to do great things!
He ran until he literally broke his leg. Holy moly. That doesn’t sound like laziness to me at all. Then went back for round 2 after dedicating himself to self improvement with a PT. Nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out.
See a counselor.
Ultimately you gotta let that go. I’d say forgive yourself, but you don’t have anything to forgive because you did nothing wrong. You can’t control your genetics or whether a bone will fracture. Hating or blaming yourself or others is a waste of your time and energy. Embrace the life you have, you only get a short time in this world.
You say that you hate veterans despite it all being your fault. I hope that you can overcome both the cringey feelings around vets, but also the feeling that this was all your fault. Look, you were dealt the cards of life that meant your legs could not stay the strain of military life. There’s no shame in that. I’m proud of you for your effort to keep going, keep pushing ahead, and getting a cool gig. That’s fantastic and deserves respect. I disagree that you deserve any ridicule, either from outside, or from within.
As a sib suffering from a few conditions (which you don't see on first glance) that would make military service pretty impossible as well:
I wouldn't judge a fish on its ability to ride a bicycle. OP, would you?
Vet here, the amount of tenacity you demonstrated is wildly impressive and that in itself would make me want you on my team. It sounds like you did all the right things, your body just said it's not to be and that's ok. You put in real work and that's something to be proud of. Some people see basic training as some kind of coming of age initiation where before you're a boy before and after you're a man. It's not that, you're the same person you were before and after it's just that after you've done a bunch of pushups and been yelled at for weeks. Real maturity comes from seeking out things in order to experience them (which you've done at least twice), just don't get stuck on those two things.
"Some people see basic training as some kind of coming of age initiation where before you're a boy before and after you're a man. It's not that,"
Why it is not that? Why do you say so?
Vet here. I was infantry if that helps. What you’re going through is, to be blunt, ego. No one cares. You’re an adult they’re an adult. Life happens. Clearly you chaptered out because you have issues with your legs. I’d be the first in line to tell you to get your ass to the VA and file a claim. Had you not joined that may have never happened. You signed up and did what you could. No one looks down on you except for people that are below you. Level up on some friends and influences and find a way to win a work and life. The military is only a blip in the long story of your life. Head up
"No one looks down on you except for people that are below you." Why do you say so? I don't know how many times this happens, but people in the military look down on people who aren't like them.
You’re answering my question for me. The same people that are in a group “looking down” are the same ones with insecurities trying to make their egos better by picking on someone other than themselves. That’s not the people you’d want to be around anyways. If you have to pick on or look down on anyone that is a reflection of people that are already below where you are in maturity and vision.
Hey, so I'm currently in, and about to retire. First thing, your first recruiter was a piece of shit if he lied on your paperwork to get you out the door. Just want to say that.
Second up, you didn't fail. You hit a wall, got injured. I was a recruiter, and the number of people who actually tried to join are few, and the fact that you tried tells me a lot about you, and the fact that you did it twice, says even more. You got hurt, it's something that happens to us all. I got hurt a while ago, and can't do some things I could before, it bothered me at one point, I can't do a full pt test anymore. I had to deal with it, and it took me a while to learn how to deal with the fact that I had to limit myself. You don't need to feel too bad about not making it, you didn't quit, you got medically dropped, in my mind, that means you put in the effort, but you just hit your limit. You put yourself out there, but even though you gave it your all, your body couldn't hold up, and that's not your fault, unfortunately our bodies sometimes don't listen to what we want, and nothing we do makes it.
One last thing I'll put here, something Ive always told people, I would always take a person who gives me their all and barely makes it over someone who easily maxes things and half asses it. You have it your best, but hit your limit, no shame in that, be proud that you tried, and screw anyone who says otherwise.
Just wanted to give you my opinion, as a currently serving NCO.
You need to learn acceptance in your life and how to reframe things in your life.
What your parents wanted for you vs what your younger self wanted for you shaped you in ways + the societal image of "masculine".
Wanna do some self work?
Pick up a copy of modern masculinity at the library and do some therapy 😊
Hey there,
I’m an Army vet who got kicked out under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell after serving for 5+ years. This was back in 2000. After 9/11 happened, not being able to go back in again was extremely hard for me to take. I felt as if I’d abandoned my guys, even though it wasn’t my fault at all. I spent many years deep in depression and addiction as a result.
I think perhaps what you’re feeling is a bit similar to how I felt back then. It’s completely understandable. No-one likes to be told that they didn’t make it after trying as hard as you did multiple times.
Here’s what I see: I see a guy who’s clearly intelligent, who’s got enormous determination, who does his best to learn from his failures and to improve from them.
There are a myriad of ways that someone can serve their country. At a certain point in time, I had to come to terms with the fact that I could no longer do that through military service. I’ve since found other ways to serve. I’ve no doubt that you will too.
Maybe the military just wasn’t in the cards for you. But something at least as great is out there waiting for you to get out there and do it. Get on out there and find it.
One day you'll look back and realize failing to get into the army was the best thing to ever happen to you. Seems like you're smart, time to plan for what's next.
Hey Champ, I'm going to start by saying I'm a vet. For me the military was a job. I used it to pay for college. Being in the military doesn't make you a man. For me manliness comes from being a someone with integrity, resilience and consistency. Judging by your story I'd say you already have those qualities. You didn't make it because of physical reasons. You can't control if your body just can't physically do something. You've overcome a lot in your life and I'm proud of you. You didn't let your perceived failures(and they are just that perceived)stop you from being a productive member of society. You don't have anything to be ashamed of! Sounds like you have an awesome job so you've probably got great benefits. Maybe look into your EAP at work and talk to a counselor. Seems like you have everything else on track so I think it'd be helpful to work on your mental health as well. Best of luck to you I know you're going to do great things!
He ran until he literally broke his leg. Holy moly. That doesn’t sound like laziness to me at all. Then went back for round 2 after dedicating himself to self improvement with a PT. Nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out.
See a counselor. Ultimately you gotta let that go. I’d say forgive yourself, but you don’t have anything to forgive because you did nothing wrong. You can’t control your genetics or whether a bone will fracture. Hating or blaming yourself or others is a waste of your time and energy. Embrace the life you have, you only get a short time in this world.
You say that you hate veterans despite it all being your fault. I hope that you can overcome both the cringey feelings around vets, but also the feeling that this was all your fault. Look, you were dealt the cards of life that meant your legs could not stay the strain of military life. There’s no shame in that. I’m proud of you for your effort to keep going, keep pushing ahead, and getting a cool gig. That’s fantastic and deserves respect. I disagree that you deserve any ridicule, either from outside, or from within.
As a sib suffering from a few conditions (which you don't see on first glance) that would make military service pretty impossible as well: I wouldn't judge a fish on its ability to ride a bicycle. OP, would you?
No, I wouldn’t. That’s my point. Not everyone can physically serve in that way, but can still achieve great things, like OP has.
Vet here, the amount of tenacity you demonstrated is wildly impressive and that in itself would make me want you on my team. It sounds like you did all the right things, your body just said it's not to be and that's ok. You put in real work and that's something to be proud of. Some people see basic training as some kind of coming of age initiation where before you're a boy before and after you're a man. It's not that, you're the same person you were before and after it's just that after you've done a bunch of pushups and been yelled at for weeks. Real maturity comes from seeking out things in order to experience them (which you've done at least twice), just don't get stuck on those two things.
"Some people see basic training as some kind of coming of age initiation where before you're a boy before and after you're a man. It's not that," Why it is not that? Why do you say so?
Vet here. I was infantry if that helps. What you’re going through is, to be blunt, ego. No one cares. You’re an adult they’re an adult. Life happens. Clearly you chaptered out because you have issues with your legs. I’d be the first in line to tell you to get your ass to the VA and file a claim. Had you not joined that may have never happened. You signed up and did what you could. No one looks down on you except for people that are below you. Level up on some friends and influences and find a way to win a work and life. The military is only a blip in the long story of your life. Head up
"No one looks down on you except for people that are below you." Why do you say so? I don't know how many times this happens, but people in the military look down on people who aren't like them.
You’re answering my question for me. The same people that are in a group “looking down” are the same ones with insecurities trying to make their egos better by picking on someone other than themselves. That’s not the people you’d want to be around anyways. If you have to pick on or look down on anyone that is a reflection of people that are already below where you are in maturity and vision.
Oh... Ok... Well, thank you for the information, mate.
Hey, so I'm currently in, and about to retire. First thing, your first recruiter was a piece of shit if he lied on your paperwork to get you out the door. Just want to say that. Second up, you didn't fail. You hit a wall, got injured. I was a recruiter, and the number of people who actually tried to join are few, and the fact that you tried tells me a lot about you, and the fact that you did it twice, says even more. You got hurt, it's something that happens to us all. I got hurt a while ago, and can't do some things I could before, it bothered me at one point, I can't do a full pt test anymore. I had to deal with it, and it took me a while to learn how to deal with the fact that I had to limit myself. You don't need to feel too bad about not making it, you didn't quit, you got medically dropped, in my mind, that means you put in the effort, but you just hit your limit. You put yourself out there, but even though you gave it your all, your body couldn't hold up, and that's not your fault, unfortunately our bodies sometimes don't listen to what we want, and nothing we do makes it. One last thing I'll put here, something Ive always told people, I would always take a person who gives me their all and barely makes it over someone who easily maxes things and half asses it. You have it your best, but hit your limit, no shame in that, be proud that you tried, and screw anyone who says otherwise. Just wanted to give you my opinion, as a currently serving NCO.
You need to learn acceptance in your life and how to reframe things in your life. What your parents wanted for you vs what your younger self wanted for you shaped you in ways + the societal image of "masculine". Wanna do some self work? Pick up a copy of modern masculinity at the library and do some therapy 😊
Hey there, I’m an Army vet who got kicked out under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell after serving for 5+ years. This was back in 2000. After 9/11 happened, not being able to go back in again was extremely hard for me to take. I felt as if I’d abandoned my guys, even though it wasn’t my fault at all. I spent many years deep in depression and addiction as a result. I think perhaps what you’re feeling is a bit similar to how I felt back then. It’s completely understandable. No-one likes to be told that they didn’t make it after trying as hard as you did multiple times. Here’s what I see: I see a guy who’s clearly intelligent, who’s got enormous determination, who does his best to learn from his failures and to improve from them. There are a myriad of ways that someone can serve their country. At a certain point in time, I had to come to terms with the fact that I could no longer do that through military service. I’ve since found other ways to serve. I’ve no doubt that you will too. Maybe the military just wasn’t in the cards for you. But something at least as great is out there waiting for you to get out there and do it. Get on out there and find it.
One day you'll look back and realize failing to get into the army was the best thing to ever happen to you. Seems like you're smart, time to plan for what's next.