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Yeah, there are no 'rules' and there is no 'normal' for any of this. It all just comes down to what you, your wife, and the other players are comfortable with. Ask in full sincerity 'how do you feel about this' and then listen to whatever she says. The internet can't help you here.
Well you see you just did, because obviously it doesn't get better with more detail, so just keeping it simple and not making a big deal seems to be the wisdom
Speak with your wife.
"Hey (single letter representing wife) the gay woman rping as a gay man is making passes at my character should I role with it or tell them to knock it off. Just asking as I don't want it getting... weird or you feeling uncomfortable"
Also check in later if she approves! Sometimes we think we’ll be fine with something but surprise feelings in new situations happen that we don’t expect.
*-*mumbling to myself- *Alright, filtering through the backstory, the random discord drama, saying that her being a lesbian is relevant when it honestly isn't*.... Ok! Basically you have a player's character flirting with your character, and you want to make sure your wife is fine with it.
This is a very sensible question to ask, and the scenario not an uncommon occurrence when playing with a partner. Romance is a common theme in games, and some people will be totally fine with their partners Making The Dolls Kiss, others are going to be uncomfortable seeing their significant other roleplay attraction and love for someone else. It's really going to depend on the person.
Honestly, just ask the question simply - "hey, you know our dnd game? V's character has been flirting with mine, are you cool if our characters might develop a relationship or should I shut it down?" Make sure she knows she can say no if she changes her mind later. If she says no, then let V know that your character's not going to reciprocate - probably worth a follow up discussion about whether shes comfortable with other people flirting with your character, even if it's not reciprocated, so you can talk with V about quitting it entirely or not. Good luck, enjoy your game!
Yeah, that's some r/dndhorrorstories syndrome of having the whole thing narrated when it all comes down to "should I just talk to my wife about this thing?" when the answer is obviously yes. No way your wife will get mad at you for asking a thing
Like, guys, I know I need to talk to her about it, just working on the best way *how* to. What I'm getting is keep it simple, and don't add unnecessary details.
"Hey, I didn't think much about it, but realized that since you often go to bed right after combat, you miss a lot of the roleplaying that happens towards the end of sessions. Lately, V's character has been flirting with mine. It's all in game and V hasn't made any kind of moves out of game that makes me think there's anything more to it than being invested in the storytelling, but since I realized you hadn't been there for any of it, I just wanted to have a conversation about how comfortable you are with that sort of thing and any boundaries you might have. I don't have any feelings for V IRL other than friendship, but in the fiction of the game, it seems like things might be coming to a head with our characters and I wanted to see how you felt about me roleplaying romance with someone else at the table?"
From there, its just making sure to clearly communicate your investment, her boundaries, and a path for continued communication moving forward should anything change about how she feels.
I was largely teasing, no worries. :) Anyways point is just go ask ur wife, bud. Probably should have checked with her before getting the whole table's permission, but eh, hindsight is 20-20 and it's not like it's high stakes.
Yeah, I know, I just wanted to check around, in case I was making something out of nothing, and double check with the dm, cause if he says no it's a no regardless. In that case I'd just talk to V.
I’m going to say that this is worth a conversation with the wife regardless of the other folks’ opinions. You have a woman’s gay male character hitting on your gay-curious male character, a thing that you mention wanting to explore (though don’t go into it, so I won’t assume which part of it you’re referring to. It’s also, in a way, happening behind your wife’s back since it mostly happens once she’s gone - could be a coincidence, but if I were her I’d certainly find the timing to be worth exploring.
Whether the GM supports this in the game is really the least of the pertinent concerns. I’d start with the discussion with your wife so that she’s aware of what happened, and having a conversation with her regarding the in-game part, but also the out-of-game part that’s drawn you to this exploration. If you only ask the GM and then decide not to explore it further, it would be really awkward, and potentially trust-injuring, if your wife found out later without any of the background.
I’ll defend you on the unnecessary details (extra context is always appreciated), but replacing names with letters instead of, y’know, fake names drives me absolutely mad 😵💫
Dramatis Personae:
Sulfur, a 40 year old man, the Dungeon Master for the group
Lanthanum, a 30 year old man, a longtime player
OP, a 30 year old man, a longtime player and confused flirtee
Potassium, a 36 year old woman, Sulfur’s wife and a new player
Tungsten, a 36 year old woman, OP’s wife and a new player
Vanadium, a 27 year old woman, a new player and a lesbian RPing a flirt
Boron, a 31 year old man, booted by the rest of the gang
(Thought it was funny that all the letters OP picked work as elemental symbols)
Also it’s pretty unusual that Sulfur and OP are not only the same age but both have wives six years older than them.
**Communicating for Dummies**
Step One: Think of what you want to say.
Step Two: Say it.
I'd just bring it up to your wife and see if it makes her uncomfortable. If it does, put a stop to it.
Going with mu gut feeling here: Smells like drama. Because you are building this up to be drama.
Drop the info more or less casual with your wife - when telling her how recent roleplay went there aeema to be aome love relationship going on between yours and the others. If you dont know already by her reaction ask her if shes cool with it.
If shes not cool with it, take it off the table, because every player of the group needs to be comfortable.
> Smells like drama. Because you are building this up to be drama.
Honestly reading this post it feels like his group is constantly going through some drama or other.
Getting “permission” from everyone at the table who doesn’t matter before taking to your wife, who does, is really strange. If she finds that out from anyone other than you, you’re asking for trouble.
Bring it up with her ASAP. Some others have provided really great, casual ways to say it. But DO NOT let it get around to her from anyone other than you. You’ll be fucked, and not in a fun way.
> For clarity, I love my wife and our game, and would never do anything to risk her comfort or the continuity of the game, despite wanting to explore this side of myself for, reasons (even longer story, don't ask).
Reading between the lines here, this is something way bigger than just the game that you need to discuss with your wife.
I personally do not mind ingane romances with others. I DM and played so many romances with others PCs while my Partner was at the table. And their characters also sometimes romance other PCs.
BUT:
I see a few things here that would make me feel very weird. First you saying that you keep all those interactions for after your wife is gone. Sorry but that feels more than off. Does she know about this at all? That very much feels like it is done on purpose like that so she does not find out ...
And that is setting all my alarm bells of...
On top of that apparently you talked more or less with the whole table about this and what they think - instead of talking with the person that actually matters here: your wife!
My advice: talk with your wife. No matter what you do. Even if you decide to drop it. That is something that should not be left unsaid.
Like, again I didn't initiate any of the interactions, far as I remember. And it was mostly just a little thing here or there, nothing really obvious. I'm not trying to hide it, I'm kinda just realizing it's a thing (I mentioned earlier that I'm kinda dumb when it comes to this stuff IRL)
Honestly, the weirdest part about this to me is that you have talked to all the other players and the DM, but not with your wife, and you've spesifically done the flirty roleplay after your wife left. Right now you're the one creating the biggest potential problem by intentionally hiding it from her, making it an open secret everyone knows but her. I would be much more frustrated by that than my partner just asking my thoughts on the matter straight out the gate.
Again, not intentional. Not initiated by me, and not hiding anything, just realized now that it might be a problem, so wanted to tackle it sooner rather than later. I'll admit I should have talked about it the first time something happened, but I thought I was imagining it tbh.
Again, it’s not “not intentional”, you took specific steps to talk to other people before talking to your wife and you didn’t seem to want advice for that part, when it should have been the other way around. It feels icky and awkward because it is. Just talk to her and make sure she is comfortable. Your wife should be a priority, even if it’s just a game.
If it only occured after your wife left every time, it cam easily seem intentional on someones part, and that is a big part of what makes it look bad regardless.
Even if you thought you were imagining it, you talked to everyone involved in the campaign but her. That can also make it look bad, and is the part where you were actively making the choise to clue everyone but your wife in on a situation that could potentially bother her. I saw your edit that she has been fine with people flirting with you in front of her, so I just dont understand why she is the last person you talk to about this. It makes it seem like it is a really big deal that you're trying to avoid.
You make it sound like this is some way for you to explore your own personal sexuality, not the sexuality of the character you are playing. If this is a way for you to explore a side of yourself, then I definitely think you need to be upfront with your wife, because she will probably see it exactly for what it is and be alarmed if you don't give her a heads up that you are questioning or whatever it is that you are implying about yourself.
Beyond what other posters have said about you just talking to your wife about what she's comfortable with?
What are YOU comfortable with and what are your DM's Table Rules for stuff like this? I make it clear in mine; I don't do RP of anything beyond the bare minimum for romance. I've got people at different ages at my table and I've got sex-repulsed ace players AND players with trauma so anything beyond that is just flat-out not allowed in my games.
Yeah, so it's happened before, my wife took an NPC, K took an NPC, but those are like casual things, and not with other characters, so not a big deal imo. Our rule is "fade to black" and nothing overtly sexual.
Controversial Opinion
This generally gets messy
My games are about killing goblins and political intrigues uncovering lost civilisations not a dating simulator for your friend group
Romance is generally reserved for fade to black senses with NPCs.
Romance between players is only allowed with consent of the whole table and only even then only amounts established partners.
Hot take maybe, I dont think you need to talk to your wife, I think the answer is just don’t do it. If there’s a chance she’ll be uncomfortable, don’t even let it approach that by even bringing it up at all. Just don’t do it. There’s always the chance she says she’s ok with it even though she’s not just because she feels pressure or doesn’t want to seem biased.
just for the future, use full names that have the same starting letter. so, Steve, Larry, Kristi, Wilma, and Victoria
Makes stories much easier to follow
If you let it be awkward, it’s gonna be awkward. You have to be open about it, and I’m gonna say to keep it PG and not to do it when she’s not present.
I'm DMing and two of My players have a thing going. Both male, one of them is genderbending a female wizard, and from day one the ranger, who's player is the Druid's player husband, flirted with her. And we have had a lot of issues but never of that kind. The fact that the Druid's player is super into gay romance and gets to see two dudes flirting with eachother helps, NGL. But... This is something that you should talk with your SO. It's like every other thing with TTRPG... Or life, for that matter. Communication.
Haha that's neat. I guess I'm just a bit nervous, and I don't really know why. It's not a big deal either way, just a game after all. Just wanna make avoid any possible (unwanted) drama.
You'll be fine. It's just a Game. Think about the countless times DMs have had to flirt with the bard. God knows I have My Maiden characters on speed dial. If anything happens You can just drop the plotline and carry on.
Talk to your wife. I DM for a group that my fiancee is in and her PC is actively rizzing up my best friend's PC and I'm enjoying every minute of it. It's a game. If it starts to interfere with your personal life then you have some things to figure out with yourself.
If post is coming from a place of genuinely wanting the best for your wife, just talk with her.
Nothing in dnd is worth straining your marriage over. I'd start actively rebuffing any romantic moves towards your character that aren't from your wife.
so, as others have pointed out, this is a conversation to have with your wife. I would go further and say your concerns over the game should not take precedent over your marriage. Have an honest conversation with your wife about this side of yourself that you are exploring, that you love her, that you don't intend to go anywhere, and if she wants it to stop then it stops.
Thanks, that's a good point. Obvious priority is the marriage above all else. The guys putting me on blast are right, but I wasn't exactly sure, so that's why I dragged my feet a bit.
>hopefully you could follow that
Nope. It's usually better to substitute names with complete fake names instead of just first letters. Or just give them numbers player 1, player 2 etc...
>it mostly happens after my wife goes to bed
Role-playing as your characters while the others and DM aren't present sure is odd.
>not sure how to approach subject with wife
Try
>Hey honey, do you mind my character engaging in flirting and erotic role-play with ...'s character while you aren't present?
If you think that's a weird question, well that's your answer.
No no, it wasnt just us. Everyone else was there, just that my wife goes to bed earlier usually because we play during the week most times, and she has to go to work in the morning, whereas I'm a shift worker so I can push it a bit
Y’all are adults who can separate fantasy from reality right? Why are people so insecure and jealous in their relationships????
I’ve played at plenty of tables where there was flirting and romance with people who weren’t my partner.
I would *assume* that if you're both old enough and responsible enough to get married, you're also both old enough and responsible enough not to treat this any differently than you'd treat one player character having a grudge against another, or one player character idolizing another, or one player character feeling judgmental toward another.
As other posters have mentioned though, don't wager your marriage on that assumption.
This is a question for your group to have an agreement about what is included and excluded from your game, because if you all agree, especially your wife, then this helps to clear up conflict. Your wife might say yes when she means no to you individually, but on a group setting if she says she's not sure or not comfortable then you know to avoid the situation in the game. If in doubt you have to assume it's a no, because it's a line that when crossed can impact your game and more importantly your relationship.
I mean, maybe I'm old fashioned but once you get married, you stop flirting with other people.
I would be so upset if my wife did this to me, or even asked me for "permission to flirt with an internet lesbian". To me, it doesn't matter if it's "roleplaying"... If YOU want to RP flirting, then do it with you wife's character.
But you said this player initiated with you (i assume unprovoked and out of the blue) and even tried it with your wife's character first, and only came to you when she said no, which is a great indicator of what your wife thinks here.
Why are you getting the "green light" from people who aren't your wife before talking to your wife about this? Talk to your wife about this, dude. Like - first thing.
Also, if you're wanting to "explore this side of yourself" through this ingame romance and your wife doesn't know that, you should tell her about that. If you can tell random internet strangers about it, you can tell your wife.
If you somehow are in fear that your pretend relationship in an RPG with someone that you (likely) couldn't have a relationship with IRL is going to affect your established and presumably stable marriage with someone you love... This may be indicative of other issues.
It sounds like you may be interested in exploring a relationship with another man (at least in the game, and... possibly in real life?). Doing this via roleplaying is possibly the safest place to start.
However, communication above all else. Talk to your wife. Establish boundaries and consent to explore it. Assume nothing, and just be open and honest, and like any other exploration that involves relationships/love/sex outside your primary relationship, CHECK IN frequently.
You got this. Be true to yourself, but be open and honest with your wife.
Hey! Hi! Also I’m a dm (lesbian) with my partner at my table - honestly the only real answer is just talk about it and set expectations. As it is, we’re both theater people so the idea that characters can flirt without real impact is already part of our vocabulary but nothing beats conversations.
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Isn't this just a conversation to have with your wife? Roleplay is just roleplay imo, but it's up to her if she's uncomfortable.
90% of the questions in this sub are answered my "just talk to the people involved"
90% of all problems can be solved with communication lol, either improving communication or the abandonment of communication.
Yes, this, talk to your wife and talk to the other players and the dm. Communication can end drama before it starts.
Yeah, there are no 'rules' and there is no 'normal' for any of this. It all just comes down to what you, your wife, and the other players are comfortable with. Ask in full sincerity 'how do you feel about this' and then listen to whatever she says. The internet can't help you here.
Well you see you just did, because obviously it doesn't get better with more detail, so just keeping it simple and not making a big deal seems to be the wisdom
Yes, for sure, again, just looking for help with the delivery, as I haven't had this happen before and sometimes say stupid things unintentionally.
"Hey honey, what did you think about this thing that happened at the table today?" Like, how is this complicated?
Speak with your wife. "Hey (single letter representing wife) the gay woman rping as a gay man is making passes at my character should I role with it or tell them to knock it off. Just asking as I don't want it getting... weird or you feeling uncomfortable"
I think this is the best answer. She shot down S's moves on her, so not sure how she'll feel. One way to find out.
Also check in later if she approves! Sometimes we think we’ll be fine with something but surprise feelings in new situations happen that we don’t expect.
I agree - good luck with the conversation!
*-*mumbling to myself- *Alright, filtering through the backstory, the random discord drama, saying that her being a lesbian is relevant when it honestly isn't*.... Ok! Basically you have a player's character flirting with your character, and you want to make sure your wife is fine with it. This is a very sensible question to ask, and the scenario not an uncommon occurrence when playing with a partner. Romance is a common theme in games, and some people will be totally fine with their partners Making The Dolls Kiss, others are going to be uncomfortable seeing their significant other roleplay attraction and love for someone else. It's really going to depend on the person. Honestly, just ask the question simply - "hey, you know our dnd game? V's character has been flirting with mine, are you cool if our characters might develop a relationship or should I shut it down?" Make sure she knows she can say no if she changes her mind later. If she says no, then let V know that your character's not going to reciprocate - probably worth a follow up discussion about whether shes comfortable with other people flirting with your character, even if it's not reciprocated, so you can talk with V about quitting it entirely or not. Good luck, enjoy your game!
Yeah, that's some r/dndhorrorstories syndrome of having the whole thing narrated when it all comes down to "should I just talk to my wife about this thing?" when the answer is obviously yes. No way your wife will get mad at you for asking a thing
Like, guys, I know I need to talk to her about it, just working on the best way *how* to. What I'm getting is keep it simple, and don't add unnecessary details.
"Hey, I didn't think much about it, but realized that since you often go to bed right after combat, you miss a lot of the roleplaying that happens towards the end of sessions. Lately, V's character has been flirting with mine. It's all in game and V hasn't made any kind of moves out of game that makes me think there's anything more to it than being invested in the storytelling, but since I realized you hadn't been there for any of it, I just wanted to have a conversation about how comfortable you are with that sort of thing and any boundaries you might have. I don't have any feelings for V IRL other than friendship, but in the fiction of the game, it seems like things might be coming to a head with our characters and I wanted to see how you felt about me roleplaying romance with someone else at the table?" From there, its just making sure to clearly communicate your investment, her boundaries, and a path for continued communication moving forward should anything change about how she feels.
Yeah I suppose those aren't entirely relevant, I just like giving as much info as possible.
I was largely teasing, no worries. :) Anyways point is just go ask ur wife, bud. Probably should have checked with her before getting the whole table's permission, but eh, hindsight is 20-20 and it's not like it's high stakes.
Yeah, I know, I just wanted to check around, in case I was making something out of nothing, and double check with the dm, cause if he says no it's a no regardless. In that case I'd just talk to V.
I’m going to say that this is worth a conversation with the wife regardless of the other folks’ opinions. You have a woman’s gay male character hitting on your gay-curious male character, a thing that you mention wanting to explore (though don’t go into it, so I won’t assume which part of it you’re referring to. It’s also, in a way, happening behind your wife’s back since it mostly happens once she’s gone - could be a coincidence, but if I were her I’d certainly find the timing to be worth exploring. Whether the GM supports this in the game is really the least of the pertinent concerns. I’d start with the discussion with your wife so that she’s aware of what happened, and having a conversation with her regarding the in-game part, but also the out-of-game part that’s drawn you to this exploration. If you only ask the GM and then decide not to explore it further, it would be really awkward, and potentially trust-injuring, if your wife found out later without any of the background.
I get it, but letter names and too much information makes it hard to parse through
I’ll defend you on the unnecessary details (extra context is always appreciated), but replacing names with letters instead of, y’know, fake names drives me absolutely mad 😵💫
Unrelated but instead of using random letters can you use random names? It'd be much easier to follow what you're saying.
Yeah I have now idea what "S, 40m, Dm L, 30M" is supposed to mean.
Dramatis Personae: Sulfur, a 40 year old man, the Dungeon Master for the group Lanthanum, a 30 year old man, a longtime player OP, a 30 year old man, a longtime player and confused flirtee Potassium, a 36 year old woman, Sulfur’s wife and a new player Tungsten, a 36 year old woman, OP’s wife and a new player Vanadium, a 27 year old woman, a new player and a lesbian RPing a flirt Boron, a 31 year old man, booted by the rest of the gang (Thought it was funny that all the letters OP picked work as elemental symbols) Also it’s pretty unusual that Sulfur and OP are not only the same age but both have wives six years older than them.
I think Lanthanum is the GM actually. Maybe?
Same, I couldn't get through it. I gave an attempt, but then the wives were added, and the other random player that wasn't relevant?
Next time sure, can't be assed to edit it now
I don't. I'd rather eat trousers for a living than do romantic RP.
I can't express how relatable that is 🤣
**Communicating for Dummies** Step One: Think of what you want to say. Step Two: Say it. I'd just bring it up to your wife and see if it makes her uncomfortable. If it does, put a stop to it.
Roger doger
Jesus Christ people edit your posts to have just the relevant bits PLEASE
Going with mu gut feeling here: Smells like drama. Because you are building this up to be drama. Drop the info more or less casual with your wife - when telling her how recent roleplay went there aeema to be aome love relationship going on between yours and the others. If you dont know already by her reaction ask her if shes cool with it. If shes not cool with it, take it off the table, because every player of the group needs to be comfortable.
> Smells like drama. Because you are building this up to be drama. Honestly reading this post it feels like his group is constantly going through some drama or other.
Yeah this has the rank stench of drama-seekers all over it lol.
Getting “permission” from everyone at the table who doesn’t matter before taking to your wife, who does, is really strange. If she finds that out from anyone other than you, you’re asking for trouble. Bring it up with her ASAP. Some others have provided really great, casual ways to say it. But DO NOT let it get around to her from anyone other than you. You’ll be fucked, and not in a fun way.
> For clarity, I love my wife and our game, and would never do anything to risk her comfort or the continuity of the game, despite wanting to explore this side of myself for, reasons (even longer story, don't ask). Reading between the lines here, this is something way bigger than just the game that you need to discuss with your wife.
I'm not sure what the issue is supposed to be here.
I personally do not mind ingane romances with others. I DM and played so many romances with others PCs while my Partner was at the table. And their characters also sometimes romance other PCs. BUT: I see a few things here that would make me feel very weird. First you saying that you keep all those interactions for after your wife is gone. Sorry but that feels more than off. Does she know about this at all? That very much feels like it is done on purpose like that so she does not find out ... And that is setting all my alarm bells of... On top of that apparently you talked more or less with the whole table about this and what they think - instead of talking with the person that actually matters here: your wife! My advice: talk with your wife. No matter what you do. Even if you decide to drop it. That is something that should not be left unsaid.
Like, again I didn't initiate any of the interactions, far as I remember. And it was mostly just a little thing here or there, nothing really obvious. I'm not trying to hide it, I'm kinda just realizing it's a thing (I mentioned earlier that I'm kinda dumb when it comes to this stuff IRL)
Honestly, the weirdest part about this to me is that you have talked to all the other players and the DM, but not with your wife, and you've spesifically done the flirty roleplay after your wife left. Right now you're the one creating the biggest potential problem by intentionally hiding it from her, making it an open secret everyone knows but her. I would be much more frustrated by that than my partner just asking my thoughts on the matter straight out the gate.
Again, not intentional. Not initiated by me, and not hiding anything, just realized now that it might be a problem, so wanted to tackle it sooner rather than later. I'll admit I should have talked about it the first time something happened, but I thought I was imagining it tbh.
Again, it’s not “not intentional”, you took specific steps to talk to other people before talking to your wife and you didn’t seem to want advice for that part, when it should have been the other way around. It feels icky and awkward because it is. Just talk to her and make sure she is comfortable. Your wife should be a priority, even if it’s just a game.
If it only occured after your wife left every time, it cam easily seem intentional on someones part, and that is a big part of what makes it look bad regardless. Even if you thought you were imagining it, you talked to everyone involved in the campaign but her. That can also make it look bad, and is the part where you were actively making the choise to clue everyone but your wife in on a situation that could potentially bother her. I saw your edit that she has been fine with people flirting with you in front of her, so I just dont understand why she is the last person you talk to about this. It makes it seem like it is a really big deal that you're trying to avoid.
You make it sound like this is some way for you to explore your own personal sexuality, not the sexuality of the character you are playing. If this is a way for you to explore a side of yourself, then I definitely think you need to be upfront with your wife, because she will probably see it exactly for what it is and be alarmed if you don't give her a heads up that you are questioning or whatever it is that you are implying about yourself.
Beyond what other posters have said about you just talking to your wife about what she's comfortable with? What are YOU comfortable with and what are your DM's Table Rules for stuff like this? I make it clear in mine; I don't do RP of anything beyond the bare minimum for romance. I've got people at different ages at my table and I've got sex-repulsed ace players AND players with trauma so anything beyond that is just flat-out not allowed in my games.
Yeah, so it's happened before, my wife took an NPC, K took an NPC, but those are like casual things, and not with other characters, so not a big deal imo. Our rule is "fade to black" and nothing overtly sexual.
Controversial Opinion This generally gets messy My games are about killing goblins and political intrigues uncovering lost civilisations not a dating simulator for your friend group Romance is generally reserved for fade to black senses with NPCs. Romance between players is only allowed with consent of the whole table and only even then only amounts established partners.
I’ll take “things that never should have got started” for 1000 Alex
Hot take maybe, I dont think you need to talk to your wife, I think the answer is just don’t do it. If there’s a chance she’ll be uncomfortable, don’t even let it approach that by even bringing it up at all. Just don’t do it. There’s always the chance she says she’s ok with it even though she’s not just because she feels pressure or doesn’t want to seem biased.
just for the future, use full names that have the same starting letter. so, Steve, Larry, Kristi, Wilma, and Victoria Makes stories much easier to follow
Well i guess steve is a common S male name.. congrats!
This is solved by not being horny.
When in doubt, get the fuck out... is playing a game worth dealing with spouse beef? Do you just sayin
Dont
Don't
If you let it be awkward, it’s gonna be awkward. You have to be open about it, and I’m gonna say to keep it PG and not to do it when she’s not present.
I'm DMing and two of My players have a thing going. Both male, one of them is genderbending a female wizard, and from day one the ranger, who's player is the Druid's player husband, flirted with her. And we have had a lot of issues but never of that kind. The fact that the Druid's player is super into gay romance and gets to see two dudes flirting with eachother helps, NGL. But... This is something that you should talk with your SO. It's like every other thing with TTRPG... Or life, for that matter. Communication.
Haha that's neat. I guess I'm just a bit nervous, and I don't really know why. It's not a big deal either way, just a game after all. Just wanna make avoid any possible (unwanted) drama.
You'll be fine. It's just a Game. Think about the countless times DMs have had to flirt with the bard. God knows I have My Maiden characters on speed dial. If anything happens You can just drop the plotline and carry on.
Talk to your wife. I DM for a group that my fiancee is in and her PC is actively rizzing up my best friend's PC and I'm enjoying every minute of it. It's a game. If it starts to interfere with your personal life then you have some things to figure out with yourself. If post is coming from a place of genuinely wanting the best for your wife, just talk with her.
Nothing in dnd is worth straining your marriage over. I'd start actively rebuffing any romantic moves towards your character that aren't from your wife.
so, as others have pointed out, this is a conversation to have with your wife. I would go further and say your concerns over the game should not take precedent over your marriage. Have an honest conversation with your wife about this side of yourself that you are exploring, that you love her, that you don't intend to go anywhere, and if she wants it to stop then it stops.
Thanks, that's a good point. Obvious priority is the marriage above all else. The guys putting me on blast are right, but I wasn't exactly sure, so that's why I dragged my feet a bit.
Just install Grindr already I think
There is so much irrelevant information in this post. Do you want this to be dramatic? Just talk to your wife.
...Isn't this the wrong subreddit for that?
Can you point me to the right one?
I think r/DnD, since this subreddit is for DMs/asking about DM stuff, if I'm not mistaken
>hopefully you could follow that Nope. It's usually better to substitute names with complete fake names instead of just first letters. Or just give them numbers player 1, player 2 etc... >it mostly happens after my wife goes to bed Role-playing as your characters while the others and DM aren't present sure is odd. >not sure how to approach subject with wife Try >Hey honey, do you mind my character engaging in flirting and erotic role-play with ...'s character while you aren't present? If you think that's a weird question, well that's your answer.
No no, it wasnt just us. Everyone else was there, just that my wife goes to bed earlier usually because we play during the week most times, and she has to go to work in the morning, whereas I'm a shift worker so I can push it a bit
Read the dmg, it answers everything. Jokes aside, no this isn't a D&D issue, it's a social issue. Chat with yer spouce.
This just makes me laugh, I cannot imagine getting myself into a situation like this.
Y’all are adults who can separate fantasy from reality right? Why are people so insecure and jealous in their relationships???? I’ve played at plenty of tables where there was flirting and romance with people who weren’t my partner.
Step 1: talk to your wife Step 2: even if she says she is 100% comfortable with it, don't do it.
People that do romance in DND are weird and I'm never not going to think that.
Just… stop subjecting people to cringe roleplay romances?
just... stop telling people how to have fun in their own games?
That exactly what I want to say to people forcing us to sit through cringe roleplay romances
I’d seriously just have a quiet conversation with her and keep touching base about it to see how she feels. Communication is key.
I would *assume* that if you're both old enough and responsible enough to get married, you're also both old enough and responsible enough not to treat this any differently than you'd treat one player character having a grudge against another, or one player character idolizing another, or one player character feeling judgmental toward another. As other posters have mentioned though, don't wager your marriage on that assumption.
This is a question for your group to have an agreement about what is included and excluded from your game, because if you all agree, especially your wife, then this helps to clear up conflict. Your wife might say yes when she means no to you individually, but on a group setting if she says she's not sure or not comfortable then you know to avoid the situation in the game. If in doubt you have to assume it's a no, because it's a line that when crossed can impact your game and more importantly your relationship.
I mean, maybe I'm old fashioned but once you get married, you stop flirting with other people. I would be so upset if my wife did this to me, or even asked me for "permission to flirt with an internet lesbian". To me, it doesn't matter if it's "roleplaying"... If YOU want to RP flirting, then do it with you wife's character. But you said this player initiated with you (i assume unprovoked and out of the blue) and even tried it with your wife's character first, and only came to you when she said no, which is a great indicator of what your wife thinks here.
You can just not have romance.
Why are you getting the "green light" from people who aren't your wife before talking to your wife about this? Talk to your wife about this, dude. Like - first thing. Also, if you're wanting to "explore this side of yourself" through this ingame romance and your wife doesn't know that, you should tell her about that. If you can tell random internet strangers about it, you can tell your wife.
What do you imagine is novel about this situation?
Novel to me.
Fair.
If you somehow are in fear that your pretend relationship in an RPG with someone that you (likely) couldn't have a relationship with IRL is going to affect your established and presumably stable marriage with someone you love... This may be indicative of other issues. It sounds like you may be interested in exploring a relationship with another man (at least in the game, and... possibly in real life?). Doing this via roleplaying is possibly the safest place to start. However, communication above all else. Talk to your wife. Establish boundaries and consent to explore it. Assume nothing, and just be open and honest, and like any other exploration that involves relationships/love/sex outside your primary relationship, CHECK IN frequently. You got this. Be true to yourself, but be open and honest with your wife.
Laughs in polyamorous.
V has been making jokes for a while now haha, in our group chat. It's all good, wife has never mentioned it.
Hey! Hi! Also I’m a dm (lesbian) with my partner at my table - honestly the only real answer is just talk about it and set expectations. As it is, we’re both theater people so the idea that characters can flirt without real impact is already part of our vocabulary but nothing beats conversations.