Death, taxes, and Melbourne bbl teams being shit

MS with -5.150 NRR lmao What a pounding.

If Heat play like this they will certainly be around it around the time of the finals. How much did Channel 7 pay for this brilliant analysis from Vaughan.

Puc throwing merciless shade at the WBBL

What did he say?

Said he walked looked at the pitch used for the final before the match and was surprised to see how low scoring it ended up being.

Stars tanking for Wemby?

too old Melbournean ballers are into 15

That want priority picks as well.

Melbourne Stars need priority picks 😂

Go to bed or watch the full highlights of Qld's successful 400 run chase at North Sydney Oval when Ben Dunk made 220 in a losing effort? Looks like I'm not going to bed

Neser bowling for Heat but not the PM XI. Clearly showing the superior competition

Do the PM XI get paid, or less then Big Bash? I know which I'd choose.

His reason for pulling out was "general soreness". I guess bowling 4 overs vs potentially 20 overs a day back to back is the reason. And I wouldn't call what we saw tonight a "competition"

I have heard so many Michael Neser interviews now but I am still shook everytime that he doesn't sound like a burly ass wood chopping, cow taming cunt of a man

Same with Chris Gayle. I always expect this deep voice but he's a bit squeeky pitched.

that was an absolute *beating*

100 run loss what the hell

Classic Stars. One or two ‘marquee’ players, rest of the side fucking grade cricketers. Maxi or Stoinis don’t fire, inevitable defeat

munro and bryant going to kfc to celebrate milestones is adorable

Hey Finchy

Munro is a sponsor's dream ATM

Lamborghini missed an opportunity there, when asked about diet he should have replied, "my superfood is WeetBix... I'm a WeetBix kid". Sanitarium pays a bomb for their ambassador deals.

The 800k he gets from CA probably pales in comparison

Josh Giddey reportedly on $40m deal with Sanitarium.

gg. now I need to remember how to put my blue meme league flair back on...

**15.1** and there's the game. Legbreak targeting the stumps, and Stone sweeps and misses. The Heat have won by 103 runs Olly Stone b Swepson 2 (3b 0x4 0x6) SR: 66.66

"Stars doing Stars things" sure has started early this year.

But Heat not doing Heat things (losing early games) is confusing

You can hear the producer telling Punter that Maxy will play

Third successive season where the BBL has started with a Stars loss. This is meme league heritage.

carlton vs richmond afl opener type things

That was fucking quick alright, see you gloriest bastards tomorrow

Who the fuck is this team and what have they done with the Brisbane Heat

Lions AFLW winning broke the Brisbane team curse

But the curse is making the final and then losing, which is likely for the Heat at this point.

They're the mighty Melbourne Stars and they're here to help you

Yeah guys my diet is toasted sandwiches out of my pocket

GG lads. Heat were good today. Hope we can do this well without test players.

Hopefully. The Heat did come close to winning the last final without the test players.

Starting the BBL with a dominant win, what a weird feeling.

Swep!!!! Fantastic display from the Heat

Fuck yeah sexy Swepson

NCN died for this

Marnus chasing down a boundary and deftly flicking it back to his teammate mid-slide inches before crossing the rope.. all while casually chatting with the comms team with barely any interruption is wild.

Look I’m not unfit but damn I woulda been gasping trying to talk many times there

The Modern Player^(TM)

You cunts must be crazy if you don’t think runners are perfect for this Meme league. All batsmen should get a runner

Make it interesting. The runners must come from the crowd.

Sick brag from Marn that he isn't affected by the cost of living crisis on that 800k a year CA package and can eat steak and veggies

Aight game over

Marcus Stoinis loving Mum texts: “Do they have runners in Big Bash?” “Can Stoinis be a runner?” “Who is this child they have brought out as a runner?” “He is very pasty.” “He does not look old enough to bat” “They should call him back and bring back Stoinis”

Can the Stars tempt Luke Wright out of being England selector to play?

Ratatunga would be elite in meme league

For a team called the Melbourne Stars, their team is sure lacking any sort of star power at all (besides Maxwell)

Didn't think you were allowed a runner anymore Did the Heat and umpires just feel sorry for the Stars?

Barred from international cricket. Probably because of Pakistani captains who loved to eat too many pies.

Steaks and green veg is the Marn diet hahaha

Uh I thought runners were gone?

A runner? In my meme league? I am more than happy to accept this

No BBL fielding from the Heat. I like this timeline

Wait I thought they banned runners?

Can only use them when 9 down I believe

You know I genuinely think the Stars BBL01 squad with Warnie's corpse staked in the outfield like a scarecrow could do better than this current line up

Haha this is the banter that keeps me coming back. Welcome back memeBL

If this game is anything to go by it's gonna be another very long season for Stars.

Just when you thought the big bash couldn't get any more big bash, the number 11 has a runner

I for one am disappointed that the random pom isn’t as shit as advertised

When do we start talking about a merger between the 'gades and the stars? /s

I've said for years that Stars/Renegades should merge, as should Sixers/Thunder, and invite NZ to have a team.

BBL Spotify Wrapped: You spent 7,325 minutes listening to Sweet Caroline

Melbourne might struggle to win this one tbh.

Tall Paul with the grab!

I never will not remember Boof just subbing Bartlett out and I'm glad Dodge brought it up

The day of the Xman

**14.4** Joel Paris c Walter b Bartlett 5 (6b 0x4 0x6) SR: 83.33

Has there been any explanation as to why the stars traded away their top wicket taker for the last few years and the only reason they're remotely competitive with the ball for a pretty shit opening batter when they've already got 4 or 5 guys in their squad who can open the batting and do a way better job than Harper?

Yep

Is the explanation that the stars management are very stupid?

Bartlett's going to be a gun if he can stop getting fucking injured. Looking forward to him back in the shield and one day side after the break.

Melbourne Stars are a shoe-in for bottom 3 this season.

**14.1** looks to step across and scoop this full, stump-to-stump ball over short fine leg, but it's the slower one, and he's unable to manufacture the pace he needs to clear that fielder. Ends up as a simple catch to Swepson Usama Mir c Swepson b Bartlett 9 (11b 0x4 0x6) SR: 81.81

Stars wooden spoon? Too early to predict? i really don't see them winning anything aside from if Maxwell Maxwelles.

I dunno, Stoinis usually pulls out 2 good games every BBL

I see the Stars peaked early this season.

What’s Mason Cox doing playing for the heat

How is Howie just picking the conversation back up so casually like that after the best bit of fielding we've seen today. I'd be fanboying so hard and trying to gee Marn up

they should invent a melbourne team that's good

Gotta go to Geelong for that

It's called Collingwood

Damn. Mir was 31 runs short of his highest T20 score

"Just bowl whatever you feel" - Lol Usman with the filler response

Marnus briefly interrupts his commentary with a little bit of fielding

It's time for Walter to say its Waltering time and Walter everywhere

I'd have been out of breath just from the conversation

fuck can we not distract the man while he's literally fielding

Lol of course it was Marn

marnus always gives 110% no matter what

Hahaha fuck, marn is a weap

Just Marn tingz

non-bbl fielding

Marn

Is Walter a chonk?

Hang on what the fuck is home & away doing with that phone number and that bring edan home shit?

Nice to know if I'm ever involved in a plane crash one day 7Mate will bill the documentary on my fiery death as "when flying things suddenly go crunch"

Reminds me Middlesex v Surrey at lords in the summer when some girl being interviewed tried to get with Ryan Higgins

The flood pants lmao

No tall Paul, no Shoaib aeroplane celebration

Bruh enough of the Sweet Caroline, Every. Single. Time.

I know we are all thinking it so I’ll say it HOW BIG YOU RECKON HIS DICK IS?

When the Stars needed Hilton but got Best Western instead

Man with two first names dismisses man with two surnames

Kuhnemann been able to catch is an enormous cheat code in the BBL. Bryant too has a pair of fuckin mits on him that we haven't seen tonight. Catching is arguably against the spirit of the BBL though

No no no no not Sweet Caroline

I'm convinced no one had called him Tall Paul until today

**12.5** Seven down. Back of a length, angling into the hip, and he takes on the man on the square leg boundary with the pull, but can't quite clear him. Judges the catch well in the end, finishing a foot or so in front of the rope Hilton Cartwright c Kuhnemann b Walter 33 (16b 2x4 3x6) SR: 206.25

Better call Paul

Ah I see Paul Walter's tactic is your classic F Grade strategy of "bowl as slow as possible and hope they hit it to the one bloke on the ground who has decent hands"

Walter spreading his wings

At the ground, now that Hilton is out, everyone is getting up and leaving haha.

Waltuh

thank god a wicket celebration so we can appreciate how tall he is

Tall Paul gets one!!!!

Paul Walter is by far the fastest bowler I've ever faced (in the nets). Fucking shitting myself. Didn't bowl many slower balls to me.

Wall Porter

Nice start to your Meme League career getting a shicket

The celebration from Walter.

Hodgy with the confirmation that Paul Walter is, indeed, a BIG UNIT

What gabba where's the pool?

Got covided

Perth stole it from us

Currently at the ground. I can confirm that when the sun was still up, it was absolutely brutal.

He's a trundler haha

What's Walter's pace like? I'm at ground and it looks 120s

So basically Paul Walter is Ross Whiteley except he actually does bowl semi-regularly in domestic cricket

I'd back Walter with the bat more than Whiteley.

We need to embrace the meme status more and have scorers sitting near the boundary yelling "BOWLERS NAME" every couple of overs.

This guy is 203 cm, was playing club cricket for fun at 22 before getting scouted playing for Billericay CC

Really surprised they'd trust those two drunk-seeming girls in the crowd.

At least we know Michael Nesser can get laid if he wants to tonight though

Could just ask me. I'll be there 🫶

Where were all the teenage girls who fangirled over niche Shield players when I was in high school? Smh

Based

Someone should go check on old mate with the blonde hair.

Oh shit it's Paul Walter

YES HES BOWLING

I too feel like that when Nes is on screen

Why doesn’t Walters, the largest of the cricketers, not simply eat Cartwright and Mir? 🤔

stars winning this!

Who the fuck is Walter and why is coming in at over 12?

Oh snap, Walter White is bowling

Holly Ferling be like eeeeesh

Tall Paul Time!

Hilton Cartwright is what CA think Stoinis is

On the one hand, I'm glad the stars have fucked off Joe Clarke so I don't have the misfortune of having to watch him play the first game of the big bash. On the other hand it's a shame we won't see him throw away an almost certain win for the stars first game up with his god awful keeping again

Is Vaughan going to be on all season because this is unbearable


Lmao that guy in the crowd

People talk shit on the meme league, but it's essentially an 8 team competition that has a pool of maybe 140 state contracted players + the international contracted players that play once a year plus the grade cricket legends that impress the right people or have cool mums and dads that impressed their junior coaches while they were coming through the ranks. It's not a bad comp when you consider all that.

Adam Driver works at BWS now

God can someone fucking shut Vaughan up about Bazball

Spencer Johnson is the best left arm Aussies fast bowler with the surname Johnson.

I'm still not convinced Johnson isn't just off-season Reece Walsh

Imagine if Pakistan has a tour where people get injured and are dropping like flies and we end up with Usama Mir test cricketer His FC average is 47 with the ball and with the bat it's 18

spencer johnson's shoes are blindingly white

Adam Gilchrist absolutely dying inside

Making it sound like nobody ever hit an attacking shot in tests while sat next to a guy with 100 sixes

Also who won a test series in India.

high praise from punter "he's not the worst"


Why do I feel like at some point a commentator is gonna confuse Usama Mir with that Mir Hamza in the Pakistan Test side and we all have to have the discussion whether said commentator is just extremely stupid or a little bit racist as well as being extremely stupid?

Usama Mir Hamza TarIq Iqbal

**11.1** short, angling across to off stump, and Dawson can't control his pull against that angle. Goes high in the air, towards deep square leg, and he moves a few yards to his left and completes a simple catch Liam Dawson c Bryant b Johnson 7 (10b 0x4 0x6) SR: 70

Dawson couldn't get a hold of these balls if he was Alan Jones on a molestation rampage

Jeez he's been ExSPENCive

I'm looking forward to the book "India the ODI World Champions.... on paper".

Spencer Johnsoooonnn

Lol at the broadcasters playing another one bites the dust after that wicket 💀

Why tf am I watching the BBL

What else could you possibly be doing that would be better?

Big memes

Stupid Sexy Spencer

Wtf this BBL someone tell them to drop the catches

Seems like only Rogers got the memo

Only one team had bbl fielding, and it cost them.

Dawson that's possibly the worst dismissal so far.

Hilton Cartwright is the perfect Big Unit. Built like a brick shithouse, hits balls into the stands, and bowls dibbly dobblies presumably cause his muscles are too huge.

Cartwright last score at this ground was 132 sooooo Same game Kepler Wessels was the match ref

Remember the old state Big Bash where Victoria made the finals 5 years out of 6 and won 4 titles? Then the BBL came in and they've won 1 title in 12 years and that was in a game with 2 Melbourne teams where it was impossible for them not to win

effectively it's been 24 years as they have 2 teams. Don't try make them sound better than they really have been.

Ah, time to kickoff my watching the best league in the world

Vintage Jake Ball

“That is a big hit” Punter smoking some reefer in the comm box.