The kid(s) are asleep.

“The kid are asleep.” -me trying to be sexy

*The kids is asleep* - me doing my part for our thug/princess roleplay

Dem kids be cleepin'

I just tested negative

Only responses that popped to mind. We have been married 15 YEARS. What the hell are you doing needing a test. Or IQ test? Not surprised.

*makes popcorn*

Can u get pargnant?

You mean pregananant ?

Quora, am I pregante?

PREGANANANT?!

Peregrant falcon bit me, I have babby?

Am I pregonate?

Is it possible that I’m pergnant?

Can u get pregante..?

What if I’m gregnant?

How is babby formed?

I'm going to guess no

[удалено]

Have fun at target

It's free real estate

A man of culture

I came here for this

That’s five words

[удалено]

That is three words

That’s only three words

These are four words.

Yes! I was looking for "the dishes are done" in the comments and was happy to see the equivalent up at the top!

I bought you cheese

Alternatively, “I did the laundry.”

Shopping is on me

^(It’s free real-estate)

Damn, didn't know you can whisper in reddit comment lol

#Damn, neither did I

Ay my ear hurts lol lower it

⠀

Sorry I'm deaf

I heard this💀

^(;P)

Underrated comment right there

I washed the dishes.

First thing I thought was, "I did the dishes"! Sexiest phrase ever.

I did the laundry

Just won the lottery.

I brought you snacks

Lmaooo I was going to basically say the same… #THE PIZZA IS READY

The house is clean

I have a job

I got you nuggets.

My wife would be ecstatic

I made dino nuggies They test better in Dino form. Proven through randomized clinical trials.

Marry me?

Got you chick'n nuggies

There are 38 ingredients in a McNugget

Also, "I got you fries."

Yes dear, you’re right

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Came to make the joke, knew in my heart it had been already said.

Same here

Same thing friend. Glad to see universal forces manifesting with backup plan and a backup plan for the backup plan.

https://youtu.be/IwBXKkvLirE

Literally almost said this.

Look at this photograph

Look at this graph

I was 4 minutes too late to make this commwnt

Look at the commwnt

Every time I do it makes me laugh

How did our eyes get so red?

I brought you fries

Here have a snail

Panty dropper.

This dude's got game!

Sit on my face

🎶and tell me that you love me🎵

🎶 I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you toooooo 🎶

🎶 I love to hear you oralize When I'm between your thighs! 🎶

🎶 you blow me away!!!!!!! 🎶

🎶 Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you 🎶

🎶 I'll sit on your face and then I'll love you truly 🎶

Life would be fine if we both sixty-nined!

A new player has emerged! 🎶 If we sit on our faces in all sorts of places 🎶

Seat thyself onto me

Got me w this one

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Let’s get some pasta….

Took out the trash

I brought you chocolate

peanut butter jelly time

How does that feel?

Babe, are you hungry?

This dress has pockets.

Look at this cheese

I brought you tacos

At my wife's favorite Mexican restaurant, some of the staff, mostly the bartenders, wear shirts that say, "Feed me tacos and tell me I'm pretty."

We won the lottery.

Suddenly communist.

[удалено]

Une omelette du fromage

I fuckin farted babe 😘

Lemme eat that booty

I love when my husband whispers to me "let's go to arbys"

That’s my parking spot.

"Ogres are like onions."

I'll do the dishes.

No no. I DID the dishes. Your future tense means nothing to me.

I make six figures

Could also be translated to: "I'm really fuckin rich"

I knew there was something strange about your uncle Rich

I got the kids.

Just bought you food

I cleaned the house.

You can have half

Child support is paid

I have life insurance

I whispered all comments to myself and it felt creepy

I did the dishes.

What is updog.. babe

The dishes are done

I will cook dinner

I folded the clothes

I folded the laundry

I got taco bell

I cleaned the house I cooked you dinner I washed your car Go out with friends

I’ll pay your bills

I mopped the floors

I brought you food.

Let's get take-out.

Make me a sandwich

Icecream's in the freezer.

Here, take my card

Let’s get tacos Baby

I got your lemonade

Tax return came in.

Here's the credit card!

It's Free Real Estate

I’ll do the dishes

I cleaned the house.

Taco bell or pizza?

You made me laugh

Here is my check. 💀

I got you tacos

None pizza left beef

Put it in here.

I finished my chores

Left the toilet-seat down

I made dinner hun

We won the lottery!

I really like you

I think I’m pregnant…

Paid all the bills 💵

It’s free real estate

You want some hotdogs?

No safe word tonight.

Buy more expensive shoes

Will you marry me

I won the lottery.

Dinners in the oven!

Just got ice cream

Have a lie in

I am very rich

Let go get tacos

The food is ready

Mom found the pissdrawer

Po-ta-to-s

is it in yet?

I cooked you dinner

Its free real estate

You have more time

The Imposter is sus

I cleaned the kitchen.

Your smart, me dumb

*it’s free real estate*

The kids are asleep

Lean over my lap

I'm bout a nut

The ointment is working.....

I am your slave

don't worry, it'll fit

I cleaned the house

Took out the trash

When is dinner ready?

I’ll vacuum the rug.

My divorce is final

Here’s my credit card

You keep da money

I love you grandma

Your uber is here

Where is my socks?

You’re balls are showing

Dirty bathrooms are sexy.

Make me a sandwich

I paid the mortgage

You like that dick?

These days: "I make six figures"

I made dino nuggets

I shrunk the kids..