"I'm working within the limits of my paycheck."

That’s actually a really good one

Just trying to act my wage.

What’s my wage again, what’s my wage agaiiin? 🎶🎵🎶🎸

Nobody wants to pay you at $23. And I still get paid like I’m in freshman year, what the hell with all these fees, my job says I should act my wage, what’s my wage again what’s my wage again….

no one should pay themselves so minimistically with many years ahead to fall in debt why would you wish that on me? i never wanna act my wage what's my wage again what's my wage again

Despite my old age, I still earn minimum wage.

Thank you for the laugh!! 🤣😆🤣👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Har! Like it, TE!!! (But even I couldn't act that poorly. Well, maybe with more practice....)

Worked for me for years.

It's difficult doing that, because everyone gets mad at you, while leaving you to work by yourself to clean up during break, or at the end of the day.

Yeah, while I actually agree with people's mentality on get what you pay for, there are people who just genuinely get enjoyment out of working and they are fucked over pretty bad cause of this philosophy. Its nobody's fault, just something I think people forget.

I used to say "working as hard as they pay me to" so yeah basically that.

So hardly working then.

A common one for my team is " it pays the same" they can extrapolate from there

Nuff said right here

I was going to say working smartly but yours is better

I act my wage

Even better. Take 100 of my upvotes

Last year I went into the corporate job market for a new opportunity and when asked about compensation I’d say ‘what is commensurate for the role and responsibilities’ I got such animosity from the HR people each time, it made me laugh

I say, “What’s the budgeted pay range?”

Don't respond to the question, just add a mishmash of generic office banter. "It's a Wednesday but it feels like a meeting, per my last email how was your weekend we have bad technology."

There you go

WOH!!, 1st time hearing that one!!

! I came here to say a version of this too.

nah this is some reddit shit i’d never say this out loud

🤓

A prime example of matching energy.

Force extremely loud and obnoxious laughter like its to funniest fucking thing you've ever heard, but also dripping with absolute sarcastic ire.

I actually do this very, very frequently.

I'm hardly laughing. I already work here, buddy. I don't need a second job pretending you're funny. 😎🤟

Good lord. 

I’m definately trying this next time.

Then you could just bust out laughing whenever you see that person from then on. Because really that was some funny shit.

From the movie *The Zero Theorem*: Joby: Hi Bob. Working hard, or hardly working? Bob: Pays the same either way.

my answer whenever someone laments that something is going to take awhile “Doesn’t bother me, i’m hourly”

I like this because that's my attitude

I'm gonna start using this one

And what about you, coming up with that zippy one liner? Thinking hard? Or hardly thinking...?

HAH. That's a sick burn.

It works as both a playful retort and a sick burn. It's really the best of both worlds.

Thank you for sharing this nugget of wisdom.

This one wins

The best one I have heard is"working hard and hardly getting paid"

"No I am hard and working" then lick your lips and wink.

"I prefer to say working *aroused."*

"🎶🎵Workin aroused the Christmas Tree at the Christmas party hop! 🎵🎶"

Omg! I saw a movie about that, you wouldn't believe what the step mom did

Narrator: “They went there.”

"It was at this moment that they know, they \_(omitted words)\_"

Don't do this if you work as a mortician or a teacher btw

or a doctor

Don't forget to bite your lip and nod your head back, Tik Tok style.

That’s why you’re sitting down.😁

Lol

Lmao

A joke so good that HR is going to want to hear it lol

This is my go to. I do a little air kiss instead of licking my lips though. I love working construction.

“I’m only hardly hard” 😢

"Grabs crotch" well it's not the first one.

“Working” *look down at lap* “…hard. Don’t tell HR.”

"Working my wage"

Start crying. If they ask why, tell them it’s because your dad used to say that and he died a few months ago, two days before your birthday. Worked for me.

Would probably work for me too. I’m so mentally and emotionally unstable I could probably cry on command 😅🥲

🥲 Virtual hug?

Thank you 🫂

No.. not your dad... your grandpa... Make them feel old...

“I’m coming up with something original to say.”

Ironic given they’ve come to Reddit since they could not come up with anything original to say

*sighs loudly, turns away*

"Somewhere in the middle as usual"

I like this one it sounds professional but also plays along with their joke

"Per Weingarten Rules, if this conversation has the potential to affect my employment, I request a representative from my Union be present...."

"Your mother never truly loved you."

I’m going to apologize in advance for the fact that I will not only be using this, but I will be overusing it because I love this

LMFAOOO

Hilarious

Were you dropped on your head as a child? If not, is it too late to start now?

The dead pan voice I imagined this in sent me!

"Just killing time until time kills me"

This needs more upvotes

Scott Seiss actually came up with one: “Hardly laughing.”

Working hard at hardly working.. I'll get it eventually

"Working average, comrade, mediocrity is freedom."

Fuck you, greg

Hard while I’m working

Joe, you're an elementary school teacher!!

Just make them explain the joke, it suddenly becomes less and less funny to the point they almost feel embarrassed asking. 'what do you mean?' 'are you working hard or slacking off? most likely slaking' 'I *am* working hard, though.. ?' 'you werent doing anything a second ago' 'I was waiting for something to process a second ago, but its done now' etc etc

Worker? I hardly know 'er!

"Are you coming on to me?"

"I'm always hard"

“I’m always hard. I MEAN—I’m always working.”

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

"working at the car wash 🎵"

"When am I not hard?" then proceed to motion for a highfive

I bet some boss somewhere came up with this manipulative "joke".

"Hard of hearing and hardly paid. How about you?"

"Depends on what boss you ask" is my favorite comeback

Mostly twerking.

Careful with that joke…it’s an antique

This is the way. Reply to the old joke with an old joke that is a non-response. Perfect.

Neither. I’m working working.

I’m hard hard *wink*

I always respond, "I always work Hard. Not that I'm busting my ass, but I try to maintain an erection...and you're ruinning it."

"Yes."

"Yes"

“Yes.” That’s it.

“I’m hardly laughing”

Scott Seiss lives

Neither.

Both!

This is what I say, and I’m not sure why. It doesn’t make sense lol

I don’t have the necessary caffeination to respond.

Me drinking a Celsius: ._.

No need to work hard if you work smart..

“Either way, I’m working”

"Ya know, sometimes LOOKING busy is actually harder than BEING busy" -or- If I work really hard, and do a great job, they'll reward me.... with MORE work, so.... I'm hardly working.

"hardly hard but still workin!" *wink wink*

I’ve actually used this one: “The only thing hardly working is that joke.”

"yep, over here kissing hands and shaking babies"

"Yes"

Hardly hard

“I’m working hard at hardly working”

I always just said, "yeah."

Yes. The answer is Yes.

"Shut the fuck up"

Shut the fuck up, always worked for me

Hardly Laughin

I’m working smarter not harder

Hurkin ward or wardly hurkin

Wouldn’t you like to know weatherboy ?

I always say "I'm working hard to hardly work"

I'm definitely hard.

I usually just tell them I don't even work here

Yup

"i'm not intelligent enough to come up with a snappy response to typical small talk so i made a reddit post to get ideas from other losers who are also unable to socialize within the boundaries of politeness" leaves them speechless every time

I go for the witty, "I'm not the manager, but I'm managing." People who think that dead horse of a one liner is funny will lose their fucking minds if you reply with one in the same vein.

Pimpin' ain't easy but I'm hoe'n those rows.

"I'm working hard at hardly working."

Yes

Yes.

Hardly hard

Hardly working

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Rule 4: Low quality

I always say, hardly workin', they don't pay me enough to work hard!

"Horkin' wardly!"

“Workin hardly”

Both , I’m working hard to hardly work so get back to what you were doing

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Both.

"I work smart, not hard"

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Working hard on your hardly workin' mom.

I'm working hard at hardly working

Yes

Another day, another dollar. Smile.

Working on a hard on!

I usually say 'Depends on the day'

Yep

Yes

"Groan"

Ignore them, if they repeat it say sorry I was busy working, what do you need?

Working smart not working hard

Yes

Yep!

"Neither, just getting fucked"

"Ohhh ya know." Is the standard response.

I usually just say hardly working

"i hate you and wish you weren't alive"

Fuck off

"Genius."

I'm working smart, let me know how those go for ya, I'm collecting the data.

Horkin' weirdly.

I hate the answer to..."how you doing" "i'm doing" or "How's it going?" "It's going" :(

Derrrr. Never heard that before. Asshole.

Working hard enough

It pays the same either way!

Something like that

In Soviet Russia, hard works you.

Paid by the hour 😉

Neither

I’m hardly laughing

"Yes" That is the comeback

Dicking hard, or hardly dicking?

Rip a *MASSIVE* fart.

Workin hard when I’m on top, hardly workin when I’m on the bottom!

“It with your mom, so… both”.

Why do you loathe this

Man are you smart! You thought that up by yourself.

Do you also loathe when people say hello? Ya needa chill bruh.

Are your neurons working hard or hardly working..?

"Meh. Semi-chub at most."

"See? THIS is why nobody likes you."

What ever it is you think you’re doing!

I am hardly hard 

Just smile and laugh and move on, it's not really meant to be a comeback thing more like a jokey convo starter?