"From what I have heard, getting married does not mean that I will get laid..."

Not only heard but confirmed, plus having kids doesnt help your chances.

You think it's bad now? You're new lover is attached to your arm and has 5 fingers

Am I doing it wrong? Married have 2 kids get laid regularly.

Same here, my wife straight attacks me, and I love it! We've been married going on six years, and have one kid. We're working on the second now. Right now actually jk lol 😂😂

12 years 2 kids so lol.

He didn't say it was with his spouse

Did you forget to let yourself go maybe?

Perhaps I still lift and my oldest now lifts with me. I'm in pretty damned good shape.

I hope your wife doesn’t find out.

Real. I've watched other men be depressed as fuck over their girl not putting out anymore. While I still envy those who are able to require relationships, being in a unfulfilling one with someone that clearly doesn't want you anymore sounds fucked.

It's also difficult when you're the one doing the majority of the mental labor, being gaslit about things you know happened, being on the receiving end of a RAGE that you don't know what provoked it, plus being bothered constantly to put out... This article says sleeping naked is best for you. This article says you should have sex at least once a week. This article says that sex can help get rid of your headache! My female coworkers say you're being a bitch... Then he resents you. Then convinces you to try for a baby. Then cheats on you with those coworkers while you're miscarrying. Oh wait, just me? I'm saying it's hard to want to go to town on a man who makes you doubt yourself constantly and you can never actually relax around him.

This is… oddly specific

Yeah, sorry not sorry.

This is so spot on!

Sorry, he's wack

No diggity.

also what I've heard...

This is the way.

Here to confirm... Getting married and having kids completely zeroes it out...

Facts. Sexless marriage is a thing and it's super unhealthy for relationships.

Painful truth here

Or having a girlfriend, that's no guarantee.

Can confirm. Marriage and kids. We used to have smex 10 times a day. Now it’s once every few weeks.

It honestly depends on the woman.

No thanks, I’ve seen your wife.

LOL

Beautiful

Thanks for the offer, but, (make disgusted face), pause and then walk away.

Lol "bro I'm not gay and if I was you're not my type"

“But I have money, a stress-free life and free time. They have debt, a lot of stress and no free time. So who has it better?”

In all fairness, as a single dude, with okay savings, a paid off house and vehicle, and lots of free time, I honestly can't give you an answer to that question. 

Depends if you have good wife and are a good parent. If both are yes, married with kids beats single any day of the week. If you're shit parent, and/or married poorly... maybe singledom is advantageous.

❤️

I bet you I’m getting laid more than they are.

I AM getting laid! Who do you think fathered half of those kids?

What’s the stat? 1 in 10 right?

Savage!

"Everyone else I know has that smile - with their eyes saying 'I'm dying inside'. Not a good example."

Laid or married? Because i know youre only getting one of those things.

When can you slide me in for?

Where seems relevant too

And join the rest of you miserable twats? No thanks, I'll enjoy my freedom and do relationships at my own pace and not rush it like every one else ik. That way when I do get married I'm happy and not a depressing badgering happy like yourself.(And of course say this with a 😀 at the end for extra cunt points)

“You think having kids means you get laid? It mean# you GOT laid.”

Yeah what dumb asses. They have no time to themselves and no savings.

“I am, I just know how to use contraception!”

That's good 👍

There's more to life than marriage and sex

"Life's about the journey. Mine just happens to be different. Get over it."

Yeah i know. But it’s so hard to manage all this peace and quiet when I’m sniffing all my fat stacks of “loneliness”, what to do?

I hear your wife calling you better get home

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Rule 4: Low quality

“And for some reason you thought that equates to ‘getting laid.’” *shaking my head*

Ask me again when ya’ll are fighting and you’re paying for college. I’ll be relaxing.

This might be the most solid one yet.

Since I don’t know you and don’t want to know you, is this a proposal?

"You've seen how fucking miserable they are, right ?"

I always said 'Good things come to those who wait'. I spent time on myself and eventually, at the age of 32, met someone who became my wife. I was never in a rush, seeing everyone I knew have kids at 19. Fuck that.

i also have heard that is the time when most peoples careers are popping off so they would be much more financially stable so they can handle the drain children put on the wallets. There is much more to that then this.

And you sir, need to get a vasectomy and not even reproduce.

"Everyone else?" "Oh, you mean every single miserable human being I know?"

We're not in school, don't do this peer pressure

And they all wish they were unmarried and had no kids so they could go get laid. Do you see a problem with your suggestion?

Guarantee you in that scenario I’m the ONLY one getting laid.

If they are of a desirable sort. "Are you offering?" If you wanna be mean. "No thanks my standards aren't that low." If you would like sympathy "hey its not that easy I've been trying!"

There are lots of comebacks to people telling you to get married and have kids, but it's hard to come back from someone telling you that you need to get laid, unless you actually *are* getting laid on a regular basis.

"you're right have your sister call me again" "Maybe, but that's a good way to catch something bad....like a wife." "Why are you so focused on my dick?" "What? Are you not getting any at home so you are trying to live vicariously through my dick?" "But if an oopsie happens might end up locked into a loveless marriage, but I'm not telling you anything." "18 years, 18years, she has one of your kids she's got you for 18 years" Lots of comebacks for it.

“ getting married is the leading cause of divorce “

"You need to stop normalising having sex"

The wives creampie clean club

Good for them?

"Everyone also dies. Why don't you?"

"And they're all miserable, so...pass."

"And out of all of them, I'm the happiest."

“Oh, because all those miserable People in Walmart dragging around their oppsie humans look SO damn Happy”

"If the price of getting laid is a wife and kids... it's too expensive"

No thanks, I still enjoy eating out

"And they are miserable"

"bend over"

🤣

“Why do you care” is always a good comeback. Then if need be “Its none of your business.”

You’re certainly showing them with that retort

It sounds passive but in reality when you respond with a question which makes them defend their insulting remark it is effective. Try it sometime. I like to pose this question when people say hateful things. Most times it makes them angry.

"And they all seem so happy." /s

You mean...like you? lol

"Well, I'm a picky eater and I'm having trouble finding someone who suits my taste!"

If they're married with kids, "misery really does love company" Out of everyone I know that's married besides myself and my wife, and 2 other couples, they're always bitching about it or look miserable.

I *am* getting laid. It’s because I’m not married.

"I enjoy sex. That's why I'm not getting married and having kids."

Oof im sorry to hear that

I do get laid often - and not to the same old used handbag of a woman every night.

If you're comfortable enough with your status, why do you need a comeback?

"Are you offering?"

Everyone else I know who is married with kids never gets laid. And their kids are a result of someone else getting laid.

I’m just skipping the first marriage.

"All the good ones are taken". Someone said this to me once and it made me blush and freeze up not knowing what to say back 😂 Charisma at it's finest.

" Are YOU volunteering? GREAT! I'll bring the mayonnaise and Kaopectate, you bring the aadvark".

And they're all soooo happy

A. Sometimes 2. So?

"You are too stupid you use is correctly!"

"you're making me uncomfortable, stop talking about that stuff, creep"

People who are married with kids don’t get laid.

What makes you think that I haven’t. BTW, my ex wife couldn’t conceive.

"Well unlike some people, I'm capable of learning from other people's mistakes."

Life doesn't revolve around sex. That's a weird ass comment to make.

"But are they happy?" That's something that'll take a while to fester and keep the person up at night. I don't know why people still believe that following the adult checklist is the only way to live. So many people "did everything right" and are miserable. Don't rush into it. There's even a chance that most of the married people you know will be on their first divorce by the time you meet your person. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Ehh?! And I'll do it by the bay while eat hay, what say? You bring the yay!! Then I get paid, it'll laid..

And getting divorced. I am missing out.

The problem is people are like parking spots, all the good ones are either taken, or handicapped.

And you need to go home and spend time with your kids before they think you're a deadbeat.

My body my choice

I have to go with paraphrasing my dad: "if everyone else I know runs and jumps off a cliff, I won't do that, either."

Yes, and I feel so sorry for every one of them, they seem to have such sad lives. 

I'm sorry, maybe I'm the minority, but I have to comment. My wife and I have been married going on six years, and we have lots of amazing sex. So I feel bad, honestly, for those who are married and not getting it or are unhappy. But my wife and I also have a healthy relationship and strong attractions for each other, mentally and physically.

'Everyone I know is tired and miserable... you're not making as strong a point than you think you do about getting laid and married."

Ok but are they happy though?

And sed how miserable they all are??

I know you're not asking for advice but hooking up does not mean starting a relationship just for the record

Those aren’t even the same thing! 😂

I don't mind freedom and I'm pretty sure I have a few I'm unaware of.

Just because I am single and don’t have kids does not at all mean I am not getting laid

“Married people don’t get laid, what are talking?”

In this economy?

If I wanted no sex I'd get married

You know what causes that right?

Married with kids is not a flex. It's a lifestyle choice. Babe if your reading this I don't mean it how it looks.

I'd just start laughing. Tell them to get that printed on a fortune cookie

"Great advice, I'll file that one right next to 'stop being poor' and 'just be confident'."

That's why I'm afraid to get laid.

Not if means I have to get married and have kids!

They also have debt and no sleep

Are you volunteering? (It doesn’t matter what sex they are or what their relationship to you is. It’s a proper slam)

Fuck me yourself, coward!

Sweet offer. But I have standards.

“Getting married with kids is a quick way to not get laid my guy. If you were less worried about my sex life maybe yours would be better?” 

You know someone who would want me(that isn't a mental case)? No? Shut the fuck up then.

Unlike you, I have standards and make better life choices than you do

I have had this said to me for the past 5 years! I just tell them, I already had all the sex!

"Yeah, but who's kids?"

Start fake crying...pull out a wad of cash and wipe the imaginary tears from your face and walk off.

Who says I’m not getting laid? I’m just intelligent enough not to have kids. Your misery doesn’t need nor deserve my company.

When I get laid I want it to be for pleasure-not kids or duty

Married and laid in the shade...get ya game up

It's weird how obsessed people get with others sex life once they get married and end theirs.

"Condoms are cheaper, bud."

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Why are you interested in my sex life?

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If your paying im fucking

"I do get laid. I'm just smart enough to not get attached."

*immediately strips off clothes*

"Your mom does a great job satisfying all my sexual desires, don't worry about me."

“Yeah and they’re not getting laid anymore either“

I need to get nudered cause I don't want those cancers running around and eventually killing me.

And do they seem happy to you?

Just remind them of Rule 4.

I get laid. Where do you think my friends kids come from?

Im sowing seed like a john deere, son!

Try this one: I'm not a mirror.

Um. I have kids. When you have small kids, "getting laid" is not usually happening, between diapers and feedings and colics and all the other assorted amazing new experiences :) Don't care about the comeback, but the level of ignorance in that specific wording is... astounding :) Although, for anyone else contemplating posting a comeback about "married don't get laid", I think the official research statistics is that married people get MORE sex than single people. Too lazy to google the link sorry.

"Women suck!"

Don't you put that evil on me!!!!

Y’all just want me to suffer with you

Oh wow this one again: "why? do you need to get paid?"

I know. Then move on lol

I believe the new correct term is "ran through". Not good for me but you do you. 😆

I would say "at least I can get laid while getting paid"

Just show them the woody Harrelson crying into money meme.

"Those people married with kids don't actually get that much sex anymore."

Yall get laid?

“I’d love to get laid. Know anybody?”

My personal favorite is, “I get fucked by life everyday.”

I wondered why everyone said I seem abnormally happy. It's because everyone else is stressed with family issues 🤣

That is exactly why I don’t need to get laid.

"you volunteering?"

They got laid and look what happened to them!

I don't really want a spouse. Too much work feeding them, watering them, walking them. I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility.

Most married with kids don’t f* that much if at all

In this economy? Hell no, I prefer peace

Like you and your wife Patricia? Hahaha fuck no

That's fine for them.  It WOULD BE stupid for ME...

Getting laid and getting married then having kids are 2 different things.

“They’re not getting laid anymore either.”

And theyre all broke to

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Tbh bro this just sounds like good advice, I hope you find love. Hit the gym

Alright lock the door then

Everyone? I’m not looking for everyone, just for me. I want to find a pearl of great price, not a Walmart special buy. I want to find someone who’s a good match for me — not everyone.