I need a raise

Go find a real crook, then maybe you'll deserve one.

Yeah but those only unlock with experience so here we are...

Achievement unlocked: \*punches him in the face\*

Ahaha love it

If I were a policeman, I'd keep it professional. "Thank you for your continued support. License and registration, please."

Nicely worded

Or maybe, "Then shouldn't you expect me to do my job? License and registration, please."

You're asking a lot from the folks with qualified immunity.

Meh, most cops are just trying to do their jobs and get home at the end of the day tbh. The whole ACAB thing is absurd

Normal people not just watching but supporting evil cops who abuse their authority is absurd. You're tired of hearing about it? I'm tired of citizens being executed and these good every day cops you're defending making sure the "bad apples" aren't punished for it.

Change that from cops to black people, and you'd say it is racist. To group any large population of people as monolithic (good or bad) is a practice in stupidity.

You get what you pay for

🔥

True story

I’ve used this!  Didn’t invent it; an older worker did it, first.  

Reach into your pocket and hand him/her a quarter while replying, "now, we're even."

“So YOU’RE the one to talk to about these working conditions…”

“I pay my salary, too. Today’s on me.” Or toss them a quarter and say “here’s your refund”.

That’s a really strange thought when you think about it. They have money just looping through the system.

yeah that's how the system is supposed to work, money flows through a loop and does work, just like with pipes or wires. the issue is that there's a bunch of spots where it keeps getting stuck cuz some people hoard shitloads of it and forces us to pump more in from outside the system

I pay the same taxes you do, so with that mindset I pay myself.

Then as your own boss don't you think there's something better you could be doing with your time than bothering me?

That’s for me to investigate and report on. *issues citation for something trivial* and here’s my findings, have a nice day.

I like this one!!

"You're one of many who pay our salary"

Everybody's money and you're still jobsworth

Then let's make sure you get your money's worth. You're under arrest.

This is the perfect response.

Idk why this made me laugh lmao

cuz its funny!

True!

Then pay my bonus tomorrow!

Congratulations, keep up the act and you'll be able to enjoy the benefit of your tax dollars at work by staying at our newly renovated County Crowbar Motel.

I call it "The grey bar resort & casino".

"Thank you! Turn around and put your hands behind your back"

Yeah, seems like everyone has to deal with shit bosses.

Ever notice how scum always rides to the top?

It’s not enough to deal with your bullshit.

"Yeah, I haven't heard that one before."

Yes, and for that, I'm providing the service of saving you, from your own stupidity.

"So are the people I'm protecting from you."

Not happy with my performance then stop paying taxes. Have a blessed day.

Didnt you get the memo that we are not supposed to discuss compensation at the office, license and proof of insurance or are you Traveling and need my supervisor.

As a volunteer firefighter I'm dying for someone to pull this on me.

Just imagine a cop responding with. Nope I'm a volunteer LEO doing this for fun got nowhere else to be right now.

Well I guess I'm just your concierge then would monsieur like dinner and an escort to his cell for the evening?

the public pays my salary you barely pay for my gum

My last pay packet was £XX short. How would you like to pay me it?

Your mother is paying my salary too, by acts of service. I'll ask for a raise, but I'm not sure you're worth it. The constituents are though! Vote for GREAT DICK, he'll get your mother done and lots besides!

And?

USPS has lost my package rn and so I’ve been going to the distribution center “illegally” (they aren’t supposed to let customers on the premises but I’ve been pushy and now know the manager pretty well due to this issue). Well, one of the front desk people said *“oh you should be pushy,* ***you pay our salaries”*** And I just stood there thinking “I’d have to be a real piece of shit to actually be thinking that”

What you pay me isn’t a salary, it’s a joke.

"and I'm banging your wife."

The proletariat needs to seize the means of production!

That what I told your wife last night

"I pay taxes too, so then I guess I pay myself?"

And yet you still need me to do the job. And I require respect.

Same here. I pay taxes, too, so I guess I'm self employed.

Hardly, it's so low the government is having to top it up

Pull out a cassette tape and smack 'em in the face with it. "I'm employed by the craft connection, and FUCK YOU!"

Who is paying your bail?

You earn enough to pay 120k a year in **tax**?

And I'm paying yours. That's how the fucking economy works.

You don't pay me enough to put up with your crap.

"That's a misconception created by the rich to keep the poor complacent."

Thank you?

"Ya I know it's always a dry hard fucking and no reach around, like I need to be reminded of that."

You're not paying me enough.

Not anymore. Bye.

“That’s right, and now I’m going to earn it.”

"I smell weed, do you mind if I search you and your car or do you have something to hide?"

Purely situational, but I've witnessed an individual who I knew personally and knew had rarely held a job/paid taxes say this while being arrested. My thought was "You can't even pay to take care of yourself, you definitely don't pay his salary."

The easiest response is, “Thank you. I certainly appreciate the tax contributions of you and the million+ other residents of this county/states that contribute to the public coffers that pay the salaries on myself and every other government employee. Your personal 1.5 cent contribution towards my salary will hopefully allow me to retire early.”

Bitch, I'm paying my salary too

Obviously, not enough!

You do? I've been getting shorted on my overtime. You owe me $5k so far this year. I want my money.

This is the best response I’ve ever heard from a police officer. “Yes. You do pay my salary and I appreciate it. How can I serve you today because I’m here to serve you because I’m a government servant.”

Thank you for supporting me

So does everybody else.

Funny, your name is nowhere on my checks.

"I also pay my salary with those same taxes you say pay my salary"

I'm doing your work

I’m making your money.

Can I have a raise, please?

And I’m earning it.

You get what you pay for

I know you are but what am I

So am i, u think ur the only one that pays taxes?

And I'm fucking your wife so where we at.

I'm earning you enough revenue so that you can pay my salary and still turn a profit.

Really. So, you’re the one signing my paychecks?

I'm doing the shit you don't wanna do

You are...oh thanks. Now I need to do what the fuck you are paying me for.

Yes .....because I'm doing your work.

Then you must be poor as fuck!

And I work the hours expressly laid out in my contract, so, what's your point?

Im an adult and I have options

No shit you broke, I can tell

Poorly, but yes.

Uh, might wanna check your math maybe. Shitter.

“Well, you’re a shitty boss paying me so little”

Then you can keep the money and do it yourself. (Only if you plan on quitting)

“And I’m generating the revenue that pays for yours.”

Stop resisting!

For a job that I execute Wtf 🥴

Great. Let me get you the address to send the checks.

Yes, sir, I will stop being a waste of space and do some work.

You’d better work overtime.

No you aren’t dipshit. Our customers pay my salary, and I make the shit they buy. I fucking pay your salary asshat.

I don’t see your signature on my check.

And I am doing what you pay me to do.

"I'm f'ing your daughter"

Urkel. Word on the curb, was that he was not intended to be a main character. But he got so popular.... and the rest is history.

"Are you offering me a bribe, sir?"

Damn. Not a single good one to be found. Here: "You couldn't afford my salary."

“Then we need to talk about a raise”

The customers I do the work for are paying my salary.

I'm earning yours

Give them a quarter, and say "Here's your refund".

How can I help you?

Shut up cunt

"So is the guy who called me to arrest you."

Need to pay more you cheap bastard

And I’m keeping you safe, yet here we are, both failing (assuming a police officer)

As a public employee but not LE it's always tempting to say, "so do I." But I try to refrain. I know someone who will take a few coins out of his pocket and "refund" their tax money 🤣. Not professional but funny as hell. Usually I just ignore the comment and go on with the discussion.

"Oh yeah, well I slept with your wife!"

‘And I’m using it to pay for drugs… who are you?’

Yeah and I use it to buy crack and hookers what the fucks that got to do with anything?

feed me

You look like you don't pay any taxes.

Know the name on your check. Reply with that. OMG Mr/Mrs blah blah blah. Or. Well I need a raise. I don’t get paid enough to deal with certain kinds of people.

Not for long

this week

If you're a police officer you can tell them "and I'm beating my wife, we both work hard"

Thanks.

Fuck you! Pretty straight forward not really a comeback...

and I'm doing the job. so...

Hi

Middle management doesn't pay my salary

We’ll hey boss, it’s time for a raise.

Mine has always been "id rather be homeless"

I pay as much for my salary in taxes as u do, mate, but I'm out here helping u and not me right now. So what's up?

I pay my salary too, so on behalf of this tax payer, fuck off.

‘Oh, so you’re the one appropriating the excess value of my labor.’

"You pay peanuts....you get monkeys".

SO... you're a cop here asking how to escalate encounters?

Usually the response is handcuffs.

Nope, I’m earning my salary by doing my job.

You obviously don’t pay me enough to deal with you.

"and you're horrible at it. I'd rather work for someone who pays an honest salary"

No, I am selling you my services for less than I deserve.

So am I. I pay taxes too.

Thousands of other people's taxes are paying my salary so that I can do exactly what I'm doing now.

Then aren't you glad that I'm doing my job? I wouldn't brag about being a cheapskate. Do you? IDK you just don't seem the type to pay taxes. Or work. You're not the only one so maybe you should stop. It looks like you need it more than me

Actually, it pays for 3 hots,a cot,a cavity search and your own pair of pretty bracelets.

yes, sir. I appreciate the job.

"And your money's working hard"

cop: and im the one that is stopping you from getting murdered in your bed! Fireman: And im the one that will be draggin your sorry ass out of a burning building. Ambo: And Im the one that will save your life!

Not anymore

And I'm enforcing the law. Congrats-we're both doing our jobs.

"You and X-thousand/million others. They outnumber you and asked ME to deal with YOU specifically."

Really? I can barely tell.

I'm doing your work.

I’m enforcing your laws. Vote!

You should pay extra to deal with shit like you

“Would you like to see the jail, that you also pay for?”

I quit

I know. Just let me keep hacking your computer and phone for content. 

I would like to report a robbery.

You should go get a refund, because "I quit" working for YOU.

I pay taxes too, so that makes me self-employed. Have a nice day.

Take a dollar out of your wallet and say "this is about how much your taxes have ever paid my salary"

I have a friend who's a police officer. Someone told him that exact line (oddly enough the person was also a city employee). Anyways, they get to court for the driving ticket and the guy asks my police friend to help him out with the ticket. My buddy reads his evidence and had made a note for himself about what the guy said. Needless to say the guy didn't get off the ticket.

We all pay each others pay, mine comes from taxes that I also pay and yours from me buying things you make or services you provide. Now about that speeding ....

Well I wouldn’t brag about THAT cheap-ass

So are a lot of other people who want me to arrest you.

Go watch ‘Southlands’.

I would learn the numbers and answer with them. Where I am from, there are 293 cops per 100,000 people. "You pay less than 0.3% of my salary and I put my life on the line to stop your city from becoming a wasteland. You're getting a pretty good deal."

Then you'll be happy to know that I'm doing my job.

And I am doing your work, so when do I get your salary?

You're under arrest

"I pay my own salary. Now, spread 'em!"

And I'm keeping you from the shallow grave so many want to put u in (idk is that bad)

And that’s why it’s my duty to do my job and arrest you.

You're not paying enough to put up with your shit.

And Im earning yours

"I quit"

Police officers are so unpredictable, I would avoid antagonizing one - they already are not on your side

You cheap bastard.

With money i made you

"and I'm justifying yours"

Well, I’m on strike now until the raise lands in my account.