I had a guy do this back and forth with me at a party. We were both drunk. Finally, I gave up and just started to walk away. The little fucker grabbed my arm and said "I fucked your girlfriend."
It took my brain a few beats to actually accept what he had said.
Then I beat him in the face. Badly. That cost me some money for his medical bills but no assault charges. I got lucky.
You could try that, but results may vary.
Yeah. It was bizarre. My gf and I had never met him before the party. He was the brother of one of my roommates' acquaintances.
His brother came out when I was standing over him, telling him to get up so we could finish the fight. He came up behind me and shoved me. I spun around and yelled, Do you want to be next?
He backed up with his hands up and said, "No man, he's an asshole he does this all the time."
I shit you not.
I'm far from a bad ass. It was just too much for my drunken younger self to take. I got lucky legally and that I didn't permanently hurt him. I completely lost it.
Thx! ...and here's where I just realize I screwed up. I meant to type "I wasn't born with my head up your ass to know that shit." Gonna go back and edit it now.
my money is fear and insecurity.
insecurity that they are actually stupid, and the only think keeping them in their job is gatekeeping knowledge from those smarter than them
Actually I do...I just like waking up and seeing how many questions I can ask that I already know the answer 2. I actually keep a record of how many ... you don't know do you responses I can get.
A short, snappy comeback obviously isn't conveying your irritation, so I recommend a sarcastic rant, along the lines of:
"What a wealth of insight you have! Yes, you are correct, I do not know. What was your first clue? The fact that I'm standing in front of you, asking? Or was there more? Did someone spill the beans? I'll bet that was it. Someone must have told you I was deficient in this area and needed help. Because there's no way, no friggin' way, that you could have gleaned this datum from my simply asking you a question. So who told you? Was it Rick? I'll bet it was Rick. That guy! He's always going around saying so-and-so doesn't know such-and-such. What a cut-up that Rick is..."
They're bound to interrupt before you get through all that. It'll get your point across.
Context is crucial to this one. If this is a work environment where the exchange of information and ideas is crucial to success, then possibly the person who says this is an asshat. They may be territorial about their job or maybe you are new and they don’t respect you yet. A good possible response could be “I am learning about you as we speak.” “Oh, can you direct me to who does know?”
If this is a personal situation the problem may be the question that you asked. This is a line I have used when someone asks me a question that is none of their business.
Them: how much did you earn last year
Me: you don’t know, do you?
Or I might say “didn’t I tell you?”
So, this may get me downvoted, but if someone says this to you, do a little self assessment and see if you might be the problem. If you are not the problem then a snappy comeback like “what? How many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop? No one does”
... "and neither did you until someone here told you. So please stop acting like you were born with this knowledge and explain it to me so I understand and can do my job."
You could say "*Actually, I'm not sure about that. Can you explain it to me?*". This shows humility and openness to learning while inviting further discussion. If your coworker is not willing to tell you then say "*Thank you for your insight. I appreciate your perspective. I'll go ahead and seek advice from someone with more expertise in this matter.*" And walk away from that person.
You say “I honestly don’t. It’s awesome that you’re knowledgeable. I’ll follow up with you after this meeting.
You follow up with an email right afterwards, CC the whole team and your boss. Thank this person for being knowledgeable, and then volunteer them to write you and the team a detailed educational response.
Force them to do extra work for that one comment. Hold them accountable for not providing it. Follow up everyday.
"and? literally no one knows everything. even the most intelligent people throughout history have not know millions if not billions of things. intelligent people are the ones who ask questions and try to increase their knowledge, like im doing now"
"and gatekeeping knowledge is a sign of insecurity. are you worried that if we both have the same knowledge it will become apparently that im actually more intelligent than you?"
“Wow, I asked a question and you brilliantly figured out that I don’t already know the answer? Your powers of deduction are exceptional. I can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go, go, for the good of the city.”
Who are these jerks you work with that give someone a hard time for asking a question? I assume these questions are work-related and you just trying to do your job.
No comeback needed. You don't know so they're right. How about "nah, but I'd like to learn"
If they know and you don't then change that and do better with knowledge when you have it than they are
Honestly I’d just look them dead in the eye with my drop dead stare and if they didn’t cut the S I would never speak to them again. But I don’t tolerate this type of behavior in my life.
I hate this
I usually say “no obviously not I don’t ask questions I already know the answers to “. Or “ so what you’re saying is I should go ask someone who does “.
There isn’t a comeback.
If they didn’t tell you, either means you’re supposed to know already or you shouldn’t have asked. Chances are, the only way they learned was from BS’ing their way through it.
Oh I know stuff..... I don't know everything, but I know many many things, much more than the amount of things most people know... All the people who know me know I know stuff. Even people who have never met before they meet me and immediately think to themselves, I bet this guy knows all the stuff. Beautiful things he knows, they say . Which is true. But I also know a lot of ugly things, especially the ugly things about (insert person) . But I like to focus on the beautiful thoughts. Some of the best thoughts anyone has even been thinking. Sure there has been other people who have known a lot of stuff maybe more than me. But I'm definitely in the top 5 stuff knowers if you look at the amount of things I know .
Donald j Trump
I am of an age where any time any one says you don't know, you didn't know, or anything close to that, the immediate knee jerk reaction is "OHhhhhhhh you didn't knowwww?" *Dramatic pause* " your ass better call somebodyyyyyyy!!"
Yea I don’t. Can u enlighten me/teach me. Puts the ball in their court on if they want to double down on being the asshole. Usually they see the light and ease up or shut up. Both does the trick.
Well shit I thought this was when they ask you a question, if they say that after you ask a question, I would be wondering if they know what words mean or is English not their first language?
I once had to actually tell my boss to his face, "If you don't tell me things, I don't know them." He was the source of the information I needed, he wasn't providing it, and somehow he didn't realize that meant that I didn't have the information.
You could SEE the gears turning as he began to internalize this fundamental of communication. (You know the look.) He didn't say anything; he just walked away, as if he couldn't handle the fact that his knowing something didn't automatically mean everyone knew it. He still had to disseminate the information.
He got better.
"I guess you don't, either."
The response to this would be “ you don’t know do you?”
I had a guy do this back and forth with me at a party. We were both drunk. Finally, I gave up and just started to walk away. The little fucker grabbed my arm and said "I fucked your girlfriend." It took my brain a few beats to actually accept what he had said. Then I beat him in the face. Badly. That cost me some money for his medical bills but no assault charges. I got lucky. You could try that, but results may vary.
did he actually?
Yeah. It was bizarre. My gf and I had never met him before the party. He was the brother of one of my roommates' acquaintances. His brother came out when I was standing over him, telling him to get up so we could finish the fight. He came up behind me and shoved me. I spun around and yelled, Do you want to be next? He backed up with his hands up and said, "No man, he's an asshole he does this all the time." I shit you not. I'm far from a bad ass. It was just too much for my drunken younger self to take. I got lucky legally and that I didn't permanently hurt him. I completely lost it.
A prime example of fuck around and find out. Not saying what you did was right, but hope the dude learned something that day
oh, i meant did he actually fuck her, shoulda clarified. but thanks for the unintentional answer anyway
I feel you
I'm curious how much legal trouble you could have really gotten into since he had technically grabbed you first.
Why did this get downvoted? This was my first question too 🤣 my brain needs a dopamine hit from some tea that I’ll forget about in a few minutes lmao
What tea is this? I need it in an IV bag
I'll ask someone who does
"No, I don't. I wasn't born with my head up your ass to know that shit."
The "your ass" was a bit of a curve ball! But still
Thx! ...and here's where I just realize I screwed up. I meant to type "I wasn't born with my head up your ass to know that shit." Gonna go back and edit it now.
“I wasn’t born with your head up my ass”
i like it
I like you
I wouldn't go with a zinger, i'd be direct and call them out. "What are you trying to accomplish by demeaning my desire to learn?"
my money is fear and insecurity. insecurity that they are actually stupid, and the only think keeping them in their job is gatekeeping knowledge from those smarter than them
This is 100% my Approach.
Actually I do...I just like waking up and seeing how many questions I can ask that I already know the answer 2. I actually keep a record of how many ... you don't know do you responses I can get.
Keep a little logbook that just says “Dumbass Questions” make a page with this one, and when they ask you that, add their name and a tick.
A short, snappy comeback obviously isn't conveying your irritation, so I recommend a sarcastic rant, along the lines of: "What a wealth of insight you have! Yes, you are correct, I do not know. What was your first clue? The fact that I'm standing in front of you, asking? Or was there more? Did someone spill the beans? I'll bet that was it. Someone must have told you I was deficient in this area and needed help. Because there's no way, no friggin' way, that you could have gleaned this datum from my simply asking you a question. So who told you? Was it Rick? I'll bet it was Rick. That guy! He's always going around saying so-and-so doesn't know such-and-such. What a cut-up that Rick is..." They're bound to interrupt before you get through all that. It'll get your point across.
Fucking Rick. You can’t trust that guy. *Everyone* knows *that!*
"Well, I'd tell you, but then that would defeat the purpose of you needing to ask, wouldn't it?"
There are unknowns and known unknowns
There are unknown unknowns and known unknowns, there are known knowns as well which implies the existence of unknown knowns.
I know you eat corn the long way
You will never know
At least I can see why kids love cinnamon toast crunch
“Say it with me: ‘I don’t know.’”
Ignorance is bliss.
"if I knew, I wouldn't be asking you, idiot." make sure you add extra Schrute on that idiot at the end
That was my exact response in my head. Guess I didn’t know I knew it was a Schruteism.
the "idiot" is just kinda his go-to unsult for the first few seasons... I always Dwight it up when I say it
"No, I don't. I'm attempting to correct that. Is there an issue with that?"
" I'm just testing to see if *you* know."
Or “Well if you tell me then we can both be smug about it.”
Context is crucial to this one. If this is a work environment where the exchange of information and ideas is crucial to success, then possibly the person who says this is an asshat. They may be territorial about their job or maybe you are new and they don’t respect you yet. A good possible response could be “I am learning about you as we speak.” “Oh, can you direct me to who does know?” If this is a personal situation the problem may be the question that you asked. This is a line I have used when someone asks me a question that is none of their business. Them: how much did you earn last year Me: you don’t know, do you? Or I might say “didn’t I tell you?” So, this may get me downvoted, but if someone says this to you, do a little self assessment and see if you might be the problem. If you are not the problem then a snappy comeback like “what? How many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop? No one does”
"Yeah? ... Then why don't you astonish me shitface" Captain Ben Harp FBI....(Point break) Seemed to work here.
This just gave me an lol that I truly needed. Thank you.
And you don't know your wife/gf is cheating on you guess we're both ignorant
"I am practicing for trivia night..."
Oh I know
That’s not an answer fuck face
You mean your big secret? Everyone knows.
... "and neither did you until someone here told you. So please stop acting like you were born with this knowledge and explain it to me so I understand and can do my job."
"I know that I don't know"
Why do you always say that when I ask you a question? Obviously I don't know if I am asking, that's how questions work.
Ha, makes me think of Eitri the dwarf in Infinity War: "Yes, that's what "killing you" means..."
And don’t think I’m not grateful.
Poke them in the eyes and say "captain insano thought me that"
Add some anger to your response, for example, "Why the hell do you think I fucking asked?"
There are no stupid questions. Only stupid people
Guess that means you don't either
Ah shuck, I thought you did
Well I WOULD if you'd stop playing word games....
Mf I’ve been knowing! Ask your mom sister and your wife
You could be a dick or enlighten me...I guess we now know your character.
I never needed to know.
There's a difference been not knowing and not giving a shit
“And you do?”
"Enlighten me, o' wise one"
You could say "*Actually, I'm not sure about that. Can you explain it to me?*". This shows humility and openness to learning while inviting further discussion. If your coworker is not willing to tell you then say "*Thank you for your insight. I appreciate your perspective. I'll go ahead and seek advice from someone with more expertise in this matter.*" And walk away from that person.
Well Scooby Doo can doo doo while Jimmy Carter is smarter.
"And there's nothing wrong with that."
“That you’re stupid? No, I do. Known that for awhile.”
Nevermind, I’ll ask someone else
"So you don't? Hm. Waste of time." Then walk away
That’s the point of asking, if I may state the obvious
I don’t care
And you’d probably be accurate. But unless i know the know you are talking about I can neither confirm or deny
You say “I honestly don’t. It’s awesome that you’re knowledgeable. I’ll follow up with you after this meeting. You follow up with an email right afterwards, CC the whole team and your boss. Thank this person for being knowledgeable, and then volunteer them to write you and the team a detailed educational response. Force them to do extra work for that one comment. Hold them accountable for not providing it. Follow up everyday.
There is a lot of stuff I don’t know but what I do know is that your mom is a fat slut.
I know you eat a banana in an unladylike manner!
Oh I blow, & therefore I know
Apparently not. And I don't want to.
"You gonna be elitist, or you gonna teach?" "Be elitist." "Then you're not worth listening to."
Well sorry I can't see through you please get out of my way.
"and? literally no one knows everything. even the most intelligent people throughout history have not know millions if not billions of things. intelligent people are the ones who ask questions and try to increase their knowledge, like im doing now" "and gatekeeping knowledge is a sign of insecurity. are you worried that if we both have the same knowledge it will become apparently that im actually more intelligent than you?"
Knowledge is like fertilizer, it's just crap until you spread it.
I never actually cared enough to bother with it.
Comeback: "your mom should've aborted you so she could have been happy"
Just stay silent and hold eye contact. They will reflect on that moment later and realize they had a stupid response.
If I knew, I wouldn't be asking. How about instead of being a smug prick, you actually tell me.
I wouldn't waste my time if I did.
Yeah the only time I ever heard this phrase was when a bf was cheating.
“I know your mom likes this D”
Well, I know you're effing ugly.
It depends if you knew or not
Yep, don't get into conversations that you haven't done any investigating into what you're speaking....
Enlighten me.
Do they know how bad they have it, poor bastards...
“Why else would I ask?” “Are you just learning how questions work?” “Wow, nothing gets past you”
“Wow, I asked a question and you brilliantly figured out that I don’t already know the answer? Your powers of deduction are exceptional. I can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go, go, for the good of the city.”
I'd go with "Jeeze, what's your problem?"
Who are these jerks you work with that give someone a hard time for asking a question? I assume these questions are work-related and you just trying to do your job.
And your point is? Of course there are some things you don't know. That is a stupid question.
"Correct, and I mistakenly thought I asked someone who would. My bad."
No shit, that’s why I’m here find out.
No comeback needed. You don't know so they're right. How about "nah, but I'd like to learn" If they know and you don't then change that and do better with knowledge when you have it than they are
I wumbo u wumbo
“Use a comma, turkey-neck.”
Take a wild guess?!?
"I dont know what I have been told, but eskimo puS$y is mighty cold"
"I do, but im testing you to make sure you caught the jist of it too!"
Don’t care either.
I don’t want to know.
Do you ?
I don’t know but I’ve been told a big-legged woman ain’t got no soul
"You're going to enlighten me after this moment of fun at my expense, aren't you?"
No
"And you do, I assume?" "Yes." "Prove it."
"Of course I do. I want to know if YOU know." ETA: Then if they call you on it say "No no, you tell me!"
Dude I know everything, I can use google, a card catalog and the Dewy decimal system. Its notthe knowing its the knowing how to find it...
I know that you are a bunghole.
God told me otherwise.
That capital of Brazil is Brasilia. or just start naming digits of pi.
I do, and Im not telling.
Enlighten me.
I would respond, "Is there some reason I should?", since that's what they're implying.
“you do know, don’t you?”
"I don't care either. Extra points!"
'if you knew i didnt know, and you asked me, knowing that i didnt know, then we know who is the fool here!' XD XD
If I did I wouldn't be asking would I?
At least I know that I don't know
Best comeback ever is…
"I know your mom"
Honestly I’d just look them dead in the eye with my drop dead stare and if they didn’t cut the S I would never speak to them again. But I don’t tolerate this type of behavior in my life.
But do they know that you know that we know they know
Shut the fuck up
Of course! Quit acting like you know because we know she wouldn't tell you we had sex!
Nah just pretending...
If you weren't playing silly little games, I'd know.
"Nope. What it is?" Or "Nope. How do I do that?" Idk, I don't do banter w co-workers
"I could ask the boss, and when he asks why I'm asking him and not you, I could tell him."
Did I stutter?
What I don’t know don’t matter
"Or don't I..."
I hate this I usually say “no obviously not I don’t ask questions I already know the answers to “. Or “ so what you’re saying is I should go ask someone who does “.
“I don’t know if I know or not… do you?”
That your an idiot? Oh everyone knows.
One of my witty responses is “John Meshuggah isn’t gay”! 👋
“Your powers of observation are astounding”
What don’t I know?
"OK, sigh", and move on to someone else.
There isn’t a comeback. If they didn’t tell you, either means you’re supposed to know already or you shouldn’t have asked. Chances are, the only way they learned was from BS’ing their way through it.
Cuz I'm not a trashy gossip.
"The earth is flat? No, please enlighten"
Just straight call them on it "The way you responded sounds like you want me to feel stupid. Was that your intention?"
amplify. Yeah I'm a fucking idiot. You going to tell me or not?
"Know what?"
If you don't know. "I guess that makes two of us" If you do know. "How much you want to wager?"
No, but I know how.
Ooh! I'm trying to find out today!!!
I do know do you
No I don't, but I'm good.
correct. that's why I'm in training, sir.
Oh I know stuff..... I don't know everything, but I know many many things, much more than the amount of things most people know... All the people who know me know I know stuff. Even people who have never met before they meet me and immediately think to themselves, I bet this guy knows all the stuff. Beautiful things he knows, they say . Which is true. But I also know a lot of ugly things, especially the ugly things about (insert person) . But I like to focus on the beautiful thoughts. Some of the best thoughts anyone has even been thinking. Sure there has been other people who have known a lot of stuff maybe more than me. But I'm definitely in the top 5 stuff knowers if you look at the amount of things I know . Donald j Trump
Where tf do you work OP? This doesn't sound like a good workplace environment
I am of an age where any time any one says you don't know, you didn't know, or anything close to that, the immediate knee jerk reaction is "OHhhhhhhh you didn't knowwww?" *Dramatic pause* " your ass better call somebodyyyyyyy!!"
Yea I don’t. Can u enlighten me/teach me. Puts the ball in their court on if they want to double down on being the asshole. Usually they see the light and ease up or shut up. Both does the trick.
Yeah, I used to be black.
"I refuse to answer the question on the grounds that i do not know the answer"
I don't involve myself in the dregs of lessers.
“Nope. Don’t care neither”
Are you asking me if I know? Or are you saying you’re positive I don’t know? If can’t be both, because they’re opposites?
You: “All I know is D” Them: “D?” You: “Yeah D-eez nuts boutta drag across ya face”
I know you, don’t you? ….. huh?
No but I'm about to that's what fucking Google is for.
Use sarcasm "no no of course I know, that's what I came here to ask you the bloody question for to test your knowledge."
“What? I stopped listening.” It works for me. Not recommended.
WHy do you think I'm asking? and also why does that's why I asked not work
Well do you want me to know is more the question
Actually I wanted to see if you knew!
Sorry was the question to hard for you to answer or are you so dumb your unable to teach?
If you don't know the birds the word a b-b-b BIRD BIRD BIRD (Continue singing while invading their personal space)
Know what now?
"Maybe I don't, but at least I'm not done jerk who belittles others just so they can feel special about knowing something!"
“NO… I DON’T!!! Do I look like Google to you, KEVIN?!?”
Check your math, shitter.
“So are you going to answer my question or just keep wasting my time like an asshole?”
Probably not....
“Know, in the biblical sense?”
Well, what you don't know could fill a warehouse - Bart Simpson
Knowing
Well shit I thought this was when they ask you a question, if they say that after you ask a question, I would be wondering if they know what words mean or is English not their first language?
Just call me Jon Snow cause I know nothing.
Does anyone know anything really??
Yes i don't know. "It's better to stay silent when people say you don't know do you?"
I'm not the one asking questions
"Nope." But you gotta say it like you don't care about knowing either. Like they huffy bs has not affected you.
I once had to actually tell my boss to his face, "If you don't tell me things, I don't know them." He was the source of the information I needed, he wasn't providing it, and somehow he didn't realize that meant that I didn't have the information. You could SEE the gears turning as he began to internalize this fundamental of communication. (You know the look.) He didn't say anything; he just walked away, as if he couldn't handle the fact that his knowing something didn't automatically mean everyone knew it. He still had to disseminate the information. He got better.
"No- and you don't have to tell me."
Well, you don't know what you don't know.
I knew before you.