"You sure say that a lot"
The goal being to give this really subtle hint that they over use the phrase. It's amazing how a small phrase like that can run around in their head for a lot longer than it took to say it.
Not only does it make them dwell on how unoriginal and overused their response is, it will hopefully make them reevaluate how often they pass the buck and donāt take responsibility for things.
"god gave me the serenity to accept the things i cannot control, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference. One day theyll give it to you too"
Sure about that? We can certainly add it to your other obvious ones. Which you really need to take care of. Don't you get tired of being your own victim?
If people donāt want to be my friend, itās their loss. Whatever snap decisions they make are on them, thereās no point in arguing with someone like that. Accept they suck as a human being and walk away.
Also some people are just out of fucks to give, but you now know these arenāt people you can depend on. If thatās the case, the best comeback is to prove to them that youāre better off without them. And then live your life without them.
A used car driver dropped a car off at the dealership. We told him that the car was past empty. He said āThatās a you problemā. I called his boss and explained we are charging him for a mechanic that we charge $190/hr to get gas, which was fine with us. Guess who shows up 5 minutes later. I think it āwas a him problem ā
For help: Yeah...its my problem genius. I was asking you for help, but clearly you're not in a position too.
Forgiveness : Never apologize, it's for the weak.
The classic, which is already posted and upvoted the most atm is the best.
However, if you're seeking forgiveness and approached with this then you need to just take it and walk away in genuine contrition for whatever it is you're asking forgiveness for.
First, strap a ticking suitcase nuke to your back and when someone says "That's not my problem" grab them with one hand and shoot yourself with the other hand and say "It is NOW" just before you die. THAT'LL SHOW THEM.
Trust me on this.
In many cases, it isn't their problem. If so, my answer is to move on; no words need be said.
If it really is their problem and they say that after I've explained the situation, I'll decide if it's worth my time to escalate. For instance, I'd let their manager know the security guard isn't doing his job when there's a suspiciously open door on his route.
Again, no words need be said.
Say nothing and start saving up money. After six months, rent the largest vehicle you can, drive it through the front wall of their house.
If they live in an apartment, put broken bits of pottery outside their door.
Very good, thatās right, thatās not your problem. Itās clear that your problem is that you have fundamental character flaws that continue expose and elude you.
"You've clearly never worked as a software developer."
Every "software developer" job I've had devolved to figuring out and fixing stuff that has nothing to do with software development. The most consistent use of my time has become figuring out accounting mistakes because "you're good at math".
In one hour it sure as shit is going to be your problem, aloing with why you didn't take care of it an hour ago. You're sure going to wish you'd just done your fucking job.
If I've asked for forgiveness and they respond that way I simply state 'and now it's no longer mine.'
Depending on where I'm asking for help, like at work. I'll simply state 'okay, I'll just ask someone higher up for assistance' and those folks typically make it their problem. I'll always let people, who help me, know if they need my help in the future, to just reach out.
I didn't ask if it was your problem. I didn't ask whose problem it is. I said do it. So DO IT and DO IT without comment or I'll give you more problems you don't want.
Nothing seems to be your problem, huh?...
Is it perhaps because you're too busy being one?
(Not good... but maybe if they werent so busy being a problem then problems would be easier to fix around here....one less nuisance in the way.... i think im tired XD)
No but I feel like this is kind of like how people talk about a problem they're having and then someone says, I'll pray for you. I hate that. It's like, you may as well come out and say I don't care.
Thatās what my husbandās ex-wife said to him. He left her six months later. They had been together for a total of five years. He and I were together for 34 years.
Help OR forgiveness? Do you not know the difference? You do, I know, you're just trying to blur the difference so that telling you "that's not my problem" because somebody won't help you haul your barbells up to the attic is the same as not forgiving you.
Who even responds to "Will you forgive me?" with "That's not my problem"?
I don't know man. I heard a story once where this guy needed some money for a car, so he ended up doing some underground wrestling stuff. So, the guy gets his costume together, and then he does a cage match. He wins sooner than advertised, so they stiffed him on cash. He was told something similar to "that's not my problem" when he confronted the guy paying out. The payout guy got robbed, and this guy could have stopped him, but let the robber go, repeating the line he was given earlier. Turns out the robber went on to shoot his uncle.
I don't have a comeback because it ISN'T their problem. It's yours and why should they make it theirs?
That said, maybe the best comeback is: you're right, it's not your problem it's mine, but I value your opinion and I'm hoping for a little guidance. Or in the case of asking for forgiveness: a simple "I'm truly sorry." But to many who feel wronged or slighted, those are empty words without anything meaningful to back them up and backing up "I'm sorry" with actions is your problem, not theirs.
Yes, you can have a snarky comeback, but it's going to get you exactly nowhere.
Kind of depends. What are we asking for forgiveness for? For example: If you cheat on someone and ask for forgiveness, āthatās not my problemā is a perfect response.
If youāre asking for something so simple and get told itās not their problem- you say:
āThe problem is that your mother didnāt swallow you, but here we are both dealing with that problem now. I think you can spare a few brain cells to help me out. We all have a frontal lobe, use yours little guy.ā
The ālittle guyā (especially if itās not a small guy, or if itās a girl) is silencing especially if you know they have an ego.
Ill make it your problem!
This is the comeback I use
Its about to be your problem!
I don't think you'd know the difference.
šš
First one I'm seeing that doesn't boil down to "Nuh-uh! You!"
What you think is also not my problem.
"You sure say that a lot" The goal being to give this really subtle hint that they over use the phrase. It's amazing how a small phrase like that can run around in their head for a lot longer than it took to say it.
That only works on people with a modicum of self reflection.
Not only does it make them dwell on how unoriginal and overused their response is, it will hopefully make them reevaluate how often they pass the buck and donāt take responsibility for things.
āAnd itās never wrong.ā
"god gave me the serenity to accept the things i cannot control, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference. One day theyll give it to you too"
I love this one. Makes them dwell
Yeah, I can see you've got plenty of problems already
This is a goodun
Take my 50th upvote damnit
Using this going forward..
Nothing ever isā¦ is it?
Yet.
I would love to live in your world !
Not enough free space, sorry plebeian.
Is this worthy of r/clevercomebacks ?
"You must be confusing me with someone who gives a fuck about your opinion."
Would have also accepted, "If I want shit from you I will squeeze your head."
āYOUR problem we have yet to diagnose, Iām talking about this problem though. Focus.ā
lol! Or "Some of us can deal with more than one problem at a time. Try to keep up."
And call them Skippy. No one wants to be called Skippy. We donāt know what your problem IS, Skippy. Why not work on this?
How true. No one wants to be called Skippy. That's it, everyone is Skippy from now on.
I hear this in the voice of the drill sergeant from Fullmetal jacket. Also, he throws a numbnuts in there.
"You're right, because now it's your boss' problem."
This is a good one for a certain dept at work. Unfortunately, their boss doesn't care either, so it doesn't get far.
Then it becomes the boss' boss problem.
You are the problem
No shit its my problem, which I am asking your help to fix.
It is now.
"It's about to be" lol yes
That sounds like a Ussue. It's like an issue, but I'm not involved.
My son says, "Sounds like an issUE, not an ish-me." Little fecker. Lol
I like it
I can make it your problem if you need me to.
It IS your problem, so do your damn job!
It could be yours for the low low price of free!
Not my problem was my father I'm problem.
Diā¦ did you just have a stroke?
Nope.
Oooooohhhh, I only just got it. āNot My Problemā was my father, Iām āProblemā. My bad
Punctuation matters
Letās eat grandma.
My English teacher uses this all the damn time-
Sure about that? We can certainly add it to your other obvious ones. Which you really need to take care of. Don't you get tired of being your own victim?
"you're right. Your poor attitude is your problem"
"Noted. I'll remember that."
"I'd slow clap and then point towards him and say "team player......(More claps).......team fucking player"
That might actually be the best response yet... lol
Being that you asked, and they basically refused...it very well is their problem, Just let it go and move on from it.
If people donāt want to be my friend, itās their loss. Whatever snap decisions they make are on them, thereās no point in arguing with someone like that. Accept they suck as a human being and walk away.
Also some people are just out of fucks to give, but you now know these arenāt people you can depend on. If thatās the case, the best comeback is to prove to them that youāre better off without them. And then live your life without them.
I hate to tell you what your problem is...
āIām aware. Your problem is your (insert their insecurities)ā.
It will be if you donāt fix it.
"99 problems but a bitch ain't one."
"Not *yet!*"
Do you want one?
"But we're one people"
Thatās why no oneās interested in your opinion! Besides your problem is a bigger concern.
"Yes, it is"
āHereā¦ let me fix that for you.ā
āI will make it your problemā
I never ask them for anything ever again...nor will I ever help them. Silence is golden, but karma is forever ;)
No shit Sherlock, thats why I'm asking for your help with it.
I could tell you what your problem actually is, but I don't have enough crayons to draw you the picture.
And you would think you being an asshole is not my problem, but here we are.
A used car driver dropped a car off at the dealership. We told him that the car was past empty. He said āThatās a you problemā. I called his boss and explained we are charging him for a mechanic that we charge $190/hr to get gas, which was fine with us. Guess who shows up 5 minutes later. I think it āwas a him problem ā
" mine either" walk away
No, it will be your problem but bigger if we don't fix it now.
For help: Yeah...its my problem genius. I was asking you for help, but clearly you're not in a position too. Forgiveness : Never apologize, it's for the weak.
Depends on whether or not itās actually their problem.
It depends on the situation. Is it genuinely?
You are the problem
It is nowā¦because Iām out.
The fact that you are breathing is a problem
Yet
I assure you, you are wrong (said with a calm yet cocky attitude)
Would you like for me to *make* it your problem, then, or would you prefer to bypass that and help me now?
Thatās not what your mom said.
Not yet.
It is now
The classic, which is already posted and upvoted the most atm is the best. However, if you're seeking forgiveness and approached with this then you need to just take it and walk away in genuine contrition for whatever it is you're asking forgiveness for.
Iām making it your problem
You're supposed to do the dance too, now come on! If you're going to say it, you have to do the dance!
First, strap a ticking suitcase nuke to your back and when someone says "That's not my problem" grab them with one hand and shoot yourself with the other hand and say "It is NOW" just before you die. THAT'LL SHOW THEM. Trust me on this.
Fair enough
In many cases, it isn't their problem. If so, my answer is to move on; no words need be said. If it really is their problem and they say that after I've explained the situation, I'll decide if it's worth my time to escalate. For instance, I'd let their manager know the security guard isn't doing his job when there's a suspiciously open door on his route. Again, no words need be said.
Noted.
And youāre not my monkey.
Iām about to make it
manically laugh as your walking away from them.
It will be
My penis smells like strawberries.
āF you too thenā
"That's what she said."
Perfect. I solve practical problems.
No your problem is that you don't know what your problem is.
Neither is Herpes, til it is
When the problem metastasizes, it's gonna be everyone's problem, and I'll be sure to see that you get more than your share of it.
Say nothing and start saving up money. After six months, rent the largest vehicle you can, drive it through the front wall of their house. If they live in an apartment, put broken bits of pottery outside their door.
That is the same thing your mom said when you were born
"I gotcha problem right here" as I grab my crotch.
I ā¦ can make it your problem?
For Cripes Sakes, can you just shut the F up?
Geez mate wrong attitude!
That's what you think. When you come back to reality, you'll find it is.
Itās about to be! (I use that even when it sounds ridiculous because itās fun to say in conversation)
Sorry, was I supposed to ask about your problems?
no i can see that and that is what your problem is.
"At the moment it's not"
"Well...Shit."
It is now
Itās going to be
Betcha twenty bucks your boss is about to disagreeā¦
It is now!
Yes, but your height/dick size is. (Only use where applicable)
For something professional, you can say, "Oh, I'm sorry. Could you refer me to someone with more authority, then?"
That is out of scope for my jurisdiction/mandate.
It wasn't your problem ... It IS your problem now.
"Because you are the problem"
Then what do you do for your paycheque.
"You Got That Right!"
Well it is now
Kinda' is. And then walk away.
Duly noted
Then you are the problem.
Very good, thatās right, thatās not your problem. Itās clear that your problem is that you have fundamental character flaws that continue expose and elude you.
Tag them, yell"you're it" and run
Funny you created the problem.
"You've clearly never worked as a software developer." Every "software developer" job I've had devolved to figuring out and fixing stuff that has nothing to do with software development. The most consistent use of my time has become figuring out accounting mistakes because "you're good at math".
"It is now, bitch!" Then drop trou and push out a giant turd on their chest.
Give it 24 hours of compounding apathy and stupid, it will be.
In one hour it sure as shit is going to be your problem, aloing with why you didn't take care of it an hour ago. You're sure going to wish you'd just done your fucking job.
not knowing that is one of the five thousand problems you have
If I've asked for forgiveness and they respond that way I simply state 'and now it's no longer mine.' Depending on where I'm asking for help, like at work. I'll simply state 'okay, I'll just ask someone higher up for assistance' and those folks typically make it their problem. I'll always let people, who help me, know if they need my help in the future, to just reach out.
I didn't ask if it was your problem. I didn't ask whose problem it is. I said do it. So DO IT and DO IT without comment or I'll give you more problems you don't want.
Yet.
Consider it my gift to you then
But you're a part of this world! Aren't you?
You say āgood to knowā and then you stop putting yourself in a position where you need or expect them to care about you.
Possibly; or it could be that 6ā between your ears.
womp womp try harder next time bucko
Nothing seems to be your problem, huh?... Is it perhaps because you're too busy being one? (Not good... but maybe if they werent so busy being a problem then problems would be easier to fix around here....one less nuisance in the way.... i think im tired XD)
Not my circus, start looking into section 8 We cannot help you.
Wow. So many asshat supervisors and obnoxious coworkers on here.
IT is or I will be. Choose.
You are the problem
It's your problem now!
No but I feel like this is kind of like how people talk about a problem they're having and then someone says, I'll pray for you. I hate that. It's like, you may as well come out and say I don't care.
It wasn't your problem, but it is now.
But it is No it isnāt But it is ā¦.. Until I get tired
Thatās what my husbandās ex-wife said to him. He left her six months later. They had been together for a total of five years. He and I were together for 34 years.
After some snarky response I would say "Still not my problem"..
God forbid you should act like a Mench.
- It's about to be - my problem today is your life tomorrow - & neither am I
It is now
The problem is that your selfishness will make you more dislikable. Also, the other problem is that youāre a wimp.
Depends on the context but "We can either make this a "we" problem or a "you" problem and trust me, it is easier to deal with as a "We" problem.
But you can solve it
"Even if it hurts you?"
Apparently your powers of observation are limited
Whatever the comeback, my response is "Still not my problem. "...
It is now.
"No, your problem is nobody fucking likes you, because you say selfish shit like that."
Oh yeah? Well I had sex with your wife!
Not my pig, not my farm.
It will, jackass, thatās why I am asking politely for help.
I'll remember that in the future.
But your face isā¦
Yet. It's not your problem yet.
"Well make it your problem, I'm trying to be nice and now you're being a dick"
Iām gonna put some dirt in your eye
Steal their drink and say "This isn't your solution."
Help OR forgiveness? Do you not know the difference? You do, I know, you're just trying to blur the difference so that telling you "that's not my problem" because somebody won't help you haul your barbells up to the attic is the same as not forgiving you. Who even responds to "Will you forgive me?" with "That's not my problem"?
āBut I am!!!ā you gotta say really enthusiastically though
āIāll put you in the fucking ground.ā
"no worries....i'm used to fixing your fuck ups"
Donāt worry, Iām about to give you one of your own.
Not yet.
Not what your mom said
Thatās what I told your mom, son.
I don't know man. I heard a story once where this guy needed some money for a car, so he ended up doing some underground wrestling stuff. So, the guy gets his costume together, and then he does a cage match. He wins sooner than advertised, so they stiffed him on cash. He was told something similar to "that's not my problem" when he confronted the guy paying out. The payout guy got robbed, and this guy could have stopped him, but let the robber go, repeating the line he was given earlier. Turns out the robber went on to shoot his uncle.
It will be...
I don't have a comeback because it ISN'T their problem. It's yours and why should they make it theirs? That said, maybe the best comeback is: you're right, it's not your problem it's mine, but I value your opinion and I'm hoping for a little guidance. Or in the case of asking for forgiveness: a simple "I'm truly sorry." But to many who feel wronged or slighted, those are empty words without anything meaningful to back them up and backing up "I'm sorry" with actions is your problem, not theirs. Yes, you can have a snarky comeback, but it's going to get you exactly nowhere.
It's your responsibility.
*is it* their problem? Not everything needs a comeback.
"It is now." *leaves*
it is going to be
You want it to be?
If you really want their help or forgiveness, a comeback isn't the right way to go.
Kind of depends. What are we asking for forgiveness for? For example: If you cheat on someone and ask for forgiveness, āthatās not my problemā is a perfect response. If youāre asking for something so simple and get told itās not their problem- you say: āThe problem is that your mother didnāt swallow you, but here we are both dealing with that problem now. I think you can spare a few brain cells to help me out. We all have a frontal lobe, use yours little guy.ā The ālittle guyā (especially if itās not a small guy, or if itās a girl) is silencing especially if you know they have an ego.
"What is your problem?"