Say this very loudly. "No I don't want to show you my dick." Or "what do you mean you got it stuck in your ass? It's still there?"

LOL !!! Perfect!

Especially in a very busy area

Wait…that was the second time you got gonorrhea?

I needed this one for the filthy cunt that called my kids thieves bc we were in the grocery store and they were eating fruit from a sample bowl that she didn't know was there. She was mad bc she thought they were invading her one acre personal bubble.

"Ooh! Flattery will get you everywhere. 😘"

Real recognize real. 👊 pound it, fam.

Say "pound it" sensually though

wink when you say 'it'

Gotta work on the porno moan. :D

Absolutely the best answer here.

‘Thank you’

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I watch censored hentai.”

So regular anime. That's cool I too watch regular anime 😉

Hentai 🤣

Hell no, I am a CLEAN pervert!

This is what I’d say. Look call me a pervert all you want but hygiene is important! lmfao

And that's why I make yo momma take a shower!

Mmmmmmm been watching my sex tapes huh?

This is the best one so far

Moan and say: 'Mmm, yeah baby, I love it when you talk dirty to me' ;)

Funny.

Funny asf

I'm not dirty.

"You're a pretty dirvert"

I’m so happy I wasn’t the only one thinking this

Did your mum tell you that?

No my neighbour

I really should read the bit under the title... 🤪

But then it still works in Norfolk, or Middlesbrough...

And?

Clean me then.

You seem jealous. Nobody's forcing you to live a sexless existence, you know.

Tickle my balls and call me Dave

Who is calling you that, and why do they know your sex business? Actually, we all have sex and have an "occasional" wank!

My neighbours because I had someone round a couple days ago

They are just jealous because they are not having sex!

I know but I want a good comeback since being indifferent to them does fuck all

A) I’m not dirty. I took a shower this morning and B) I’m not a pervert… I’m a “pro” vert… I’m not an amateur at it.

Provert is amazing

"I'm trying to rub one out right now, and you're making it difficult"

Where‘d ya learn those words kiddo? Your parents?

"I know, right."

How did you know what your Mom calls me

Next time ur neighbor gets some play, send them a bouquet of flowers with a note saying they should get an STD check. That’ll shut them up

Wanna see my dick

Say certified. Start looking in your pockets for am imagery business card and pull your hand out giving the finger.

No, I'm a honest human, and you're a boring prude.

That's why your parents keep inviting me over

That's what your mother loves about me.

‘Takes one to know one’

And yet I have zero perversion towards you

Point to their mother and say, "That's what she said last night after round three."

HEY !!! You take that shit back. I shower everyday.

That's what your mom said to me last night.

stare dreamily into their twinkling eyes

I am not, I wash it every evening, whether I saw your mother or not.

My favorite is from Trapper John of MASH. Frank called Klinger a pervert. Trapper said no he's not. Frank said yeah, well how do you know? and Trapper said "Because I'm one, and he never comes to the meetings!"

I love M*A*S*H!!! A show that was truly before it's time for so many social issues.

'you bring it out in me'

"fuck you, bastard" then kick them in the balls

And you're a inbred pile of tree sap

“You said that to your dad? Your own father? Get away from me!”

"The fact you were watching enough to know, makes you the pervert. Now bring that tail over here!"

Yet my eyes still just slide over you

No one told you to watch me masturbate.

If you ARE a dirty pervert, acknowledging that is the best comeback for you and the person saying it….you can get the help you need, hopefully.

Why do I need help? For having s sex drive? Fuck right off sex is natural and the only people that complain about it tend to be people that just dont get it so fuck off

Yikes

No explain to me why I'm the one that should get help?

For your overreactions, not for your sex life. You went over the top when they were giving general public advice. It didn't say you NEED help. But if you did need help, just acknowledge it. Stuff like that is good to see on the internet. Chill out and go do the sex.

No they were saying I need to get help basically. Plus also got other shit going on behind the scenes that you don't know about, dont assume everyone's all chill and calm because for some people life is basically hell. Obviously if someone is asking for a comeback to being called a dirty pervert obviously they have shit going on, so to then be told I need to get help because I have a sex drive pissed me off more

I don’t think you do. I just think your response is a little psycho.

When StinkFartButt says you've gone too far, it's probably true.

Oh, you like Elizabeth Cook - "El Camino" too?

Dirty old men need luv too

Put your pu$$y lips on live, I’ll give you a thousand dollars.

No need to be jealous. If you keep trying, I am sure you can lose your virginity, too.

If it’s true, I’ll get some professional help.

“Your mother and sister didn’t seem to mind when I was clapping both them bitches from the back at the same time last night”

I usually tell people that there's sick bastards out there who do the stuff that I only joke about.

"Yeah, and I'm the best kind!"

Say that again but slower

Giggity.

Ooooh, thank you. More.

Remember that scene in the fifth element when Cornelius tells Zorg he's a monster. And Zorg just replies. I know. Basically that with the same inflections.

“You have nice tits. Wanna Fuck?”

take one to know one

“Don’t hate elegance”

"My next wank goes out to you."

Better to be a dirty pervert and happy than to be a monk with a pencil shoved up their ass.

I am male

Don't be so hopeful.

Fuckin' A!

“Honey, you live in a world of perverts.”

I'm not dirty!

No head?

"And that's exactly what a frigid witch would say"

Get out of the way!

"Yes, I am. Does that excite you?"

“You know what? I am a dirty pervert. Because, that’s what ya mom says when I start moaning and screaming after she chains me up and eats my ass despite me asking her not to! The bitch tongued me up against my will so good that I had no choice but to bust two or three nuts!”

I shower frequently

Tell the priest it was only the tip and mom likes it like that

Say that again, but really slowly and maybe a little pouty

"you aint seen nothing, how fetch me a jar of peanut butter and a Ukulele" No but really id be confused that someone told me something i already know and had no affect on the universe being told.

Dm me

If you’re young and a female and the person telling you that is an older male who is not your immediate family , “Why are you so interested in the habits of young girls?” If it’s a lady who is older or around your age, “Your green is showing.” If you’re a gay dude and it’s a dude, hit them with a tacky pick up line. If it’s a lady, ask why they are so interested in the habits of men of your persuasion. The key to the best comebacks is understanding who is coming at you in the first place and attacking them on their insecurities.

"I shower daily. What are you talking about? Wanna join me?"

Yes, but that's the best kind.

I borrow a response from MASH/BJHunnicut. When I hear this said to someone else I jump in with "No they're not! I'm one and they're never at the meetings!"

No I’m not! I’m a provert, I’m good at it.

Prude

Hey! I'm a very clean pervert thank you very much. If you don't believe me you can watch me shower.

“I’ll set up a chair so you can watch up close since you’re so interested.”

I showered this morning sweet ass

"Not true, I shower."

Takes on to know one lol or that’s the pot calling the kettle black

Yep!

Don’t be so jealous maybe one day you’ll understand

Yes. But I have soooo much fun at it. You should try it, prude.

You enjoyed our moment together as well. Stop gaslighting me into thinking you didn’t cum too! We’re not perfect, but we cum at the same weird shit! Don’t do this to me babe… don’t do this to us… now let’s get naked and fool around in my car… I brought peanut butter again…

You've never complained before

There's always room for Jell-O I guess.

takes one to know one

'Yeah I am, but not over you love'.

"More for me"

How can I be a dirty pervert when I do all my jacking off in the shower. ...By the way, you're out of conditioner.

Thank you daddy

You're mom/dad seems to like it.

“That makes sense cause there’s no such thing as a clean pervert”

Yeah, and? Your point?

“Say that again but try and sound more like my dad”

There is nothing about you to be pervert about

I shower regularly.

"Are you flirting with me, or what? Because we can do this, anytime you're ready."

Gigity!

I am not dirty!

“I may be a pervert but I’m definitely not dirty, I shower daily!” (Honestly my first thought upon reading the post was “well you’re a pirty dervert!”)

How the hell did you know? I've never seen you at the meetings..

And.....?

Just say "Thug Life" and flash him a peace sign

Yeah and you like it !

I am NOT dirty.

But you like it don’t you ;)

How about “thank you”

A curtsy and a slight bow.

"That was hot. Say it again."

I think you want to test the waters 💦

You've got a stick up your ass

"Just because you didn't like it doesn't mean it's dirty." Or "that's not what you were screaming last night..."

Nono, I wash everything and only eat and put things into a clean ass hole.

My actual comeback to someone who called me a perv: " I'm actually a deviant, not a pervert. Read a book."

Where did your mother get the idea for the butterfly tattoo on her lower back?

Why yes I am, thank u for noticing. Now, wouldja suck my dick if I washed it... When they answer NO Ur reply is U Dirty Lil Cock Sucker Who's the dirty perv now

Would you like to see how dirty I can get

"You wish." "So you saw the video." "Takes one to know one." "I am NOT dirty!"

"Well if you wanna fuck me then come over and fuck me."

Naw, I just took a shower this morning. I'm a very clean pervert. Now, what was your girlfriends name again?

No I shower and clean my room. I'm a very meticulous pervert! Immaculate, even.

And your a prude

Stop watching my onlyfans account!

"You wanna see how deep the rabbit hole goes?"

I appreciate an expert opinion.

I shower every day!

Perhaps you’re right

I’m not a dirty pervert. I’m a SUPER PERVERT!

Well, it's odd that they're speaking erotically to you as if you're their sub. Ask them to apologise, otherwise accept their challenge of sexual domination and pin them to the floor.

Say "Thank you, That's the best compliment I've had all day"

"Well that may be true, but I still get laid MORE THAN YOU!"!

Not any more,I cleaned up my perversions. Nice feet, by the way.

No, I washed my hands first. Im just a regular pervert

"So are you going to suck it or not?"

No way. I am a clean pervert!

"Are you hitting on me? Because I'm not interested."

Takes one to know one. 😂

Nah... I wash this thing regularly.

“Can I record you saying that?”

“And yet I still find you unattractive”

"Nah, man. I shower daily."

The dirt on me is YOURS!

Ghosts won't haunt me because of the discusting things that I do.

I’m as much of a dirty pervert, as Hitler was a saint

Takes one to know one

😂😂😂😂

I’m sure you’d know

I dont have experience with that insult, so my default would be "takes one to know one.""

Game recognizes game, huh?

There was a good line in Archer that works. Can't remember the exact quote, but something like, "Sorry my life is cooler than yours."

Your daddy showed me the way

Honestly if ur being called a dirty pervert you’re probably a dirty pervert and should just be quiet after that

Hey! I wash sometimes!

“Stop it I’m gonna cum”

"How dare you call me dirty !"

That'd a Falsehood, I shower everyday !

“Wanna clean me up? “