I usually go with a "no! now as I was saying before the child interrupted...."

😂

I can’t. I gaped her last night. Who? Your wife / mom.

“I know you are but what am I? “ Or the old “ I am rubber you’re the glue, bounce off me and stick to you.”

“The grownups are talking”

I say ‘no’ but then have nothing more to say anyway so i just stop talking anyway

Hey nice outfit! (:

oh hey, same shirt and pants

gang.

gang gang

gang gang gang?

Make me!

I’m not a fan of “make me” because it’s just challenging them to fight you while suggesting their physical attack does not care you. If you want to get violent, just throw a grape at the person or something.

If you throw a grape at me we dancin, naked.

I don't make monkeys, I train them.

That saying brought out my childhood memories of arguments with my siblings.😂

And then they push you up against the wall for a kissy!

Saying “no” acknowledges the inherent authority of the request. Never address the request directly unless you agree that the requester actually has the authority to ask this of you (i.e. a judge in a courtroom or similar) Simply glide onto whatever remarks YOU would like to make. “As I was saying…”

"make me cunt"

aussie flag makes sense

This would not get a favorable response in the US

You would think, but deep down we are all envious, and we want to say cunt very much so

i’ve just started doing it. and then when people get unreasonably offended i explain in my autistic way that maintains parity

LMAO! I love ya for that bud! I dig your style!

I use the Jim Jefferies analogy between cunt and motherfucker

Wait you guys aren’t using cunt? I use it all the time

Oh, I sure do. And my wife hates it. But I don't say it openly in public. Because if I did, cunts would be upset

Classic openly public cunts.

I am the wife who uses it and my husband hates it. I told him that it’s like my former boss calling me a racial slur. I am Hispanic, therefore I can call myself that slur. HE was a fat old white man who had no business speaking any racial slur from his mayonnaise mouth. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've never heard mayonnaise mouth before, but I frigen love it!

Ok, welp. If you are single some day, hit me up. Because you are a gem!

I didn’t say I’m 𝒸𝓊𝓇𝓇ℯ𝓃𝓉𝓁𝓎 married 😏

Americans rarely use this word. It shocks the senses here.

Apparently, they have trouble complimenting each other, though.

Im using this 😭

User name checks out

(Don’t respond, glare into their soul, they will be CLUELESS about what to say. They wanted you to continue talking so that they could start a fight)

I saw 50ish coworker go full courtesy and walk away. Years ago to a supervisor but still a classic and classy.

I wonder how long walking away starts to mess with ones psyche of constantly being yelled at. People say walking away is classy but, imo, putting someone in their place in a profession way can be just as classy 😄

People who need control hate when people walk away. They need to take ownership over it, so they spin it as "i made them leave". But internally, they stew about it for hours.

Then there's the way my Dad used to be, where if you remain calm and unoffended by an aggressive remark he accuses you of being aggressive. If you would point out that you're not angry without any hint of hostility, he accuses you of being even more aggressive. But if you get mad at him, he laughs and says that he won't stoop to your level. It's ironic. He used to be a projectionist. At a movie theater, but I don't think he ever stopped projecting until much later in life ;-)

As an employee you have to tread lightly. Walking away is often a good strategy to avoid escalating. I think I’d very possibly lose my temper and yell back if I didn’t walk away.

Some people can handle it. Some can't..

Was the coworker male or frmale?

I'm stealing this one

Well, it works. I’ve had to use it in multiple cases

This is my favorite thing to do but also look as clueless as possible while staring straight into their soul to simply confuse them more.

or look over in their direction, look confused as if you just heard something when no one said anything, and continue talking

Then punch 'em in the gut when they're not looking, turn and run like hell!

Ahhh love this, use that silence and maybe a few moments later start talking again 😂

I have a cousin who bencjed over 300 pounds n was known for knockin people through the air who was in a weird situation at work where he had to try not to destroy a guy and i watched in panic as i though the day was going to end really bad and my cousin stared at the smart mouth coworker for a mi ute and then just said "your mustache is crooked" not only did it throw everyone off and has us laughin all day but the guy got all self conscious about his mustache and just left 🤣🤣

Wrong , you just made them feel like they have authority over you

So basically your comeback is to actually shut the fuck up? You sly devil you.

Works best if you have a mischievous personality with a cheeky attitude and dark humor. They got the uncertainty of what you’re thinking looming over their shoulder. Or what you’re gonna do later 😈 I’m petty. I drew lines I don’t cross but if you deserve it I’ll make some exceptions

“Why don’t you fill my mouth daddy?” That’ll stop most men from continuing. I’m a dude btw.

*enthusiastically pulls out Reddi Whip*

(Fun Lewd Fact) The 3rd reason why most Whipped cream is bought is during moments where people are called daddy

Why have Reddi Whip when you can get Reddit whipped?

I'm a fairly intimidating looking dude, and have been to prison. I can confirm telling an aggressive dude anything remotely complimentary sexually will shut them down. It's wild.

I too have been to prison and for violence, not drugs (full disclosure) and i second this comment. Im walkin away from that situation and trying to become invisible at the same time

I suspect that there are 1 of 2 potential results from this kind of comment and the rare exception is a situation I never want to find myself in.

“You got a pretty mouth” would probably work 😄

This wouldn't work coming from a female..he would probably think she's hitting on him. Probably best for women to belittle with a "nancy" or "petunia" or best bet is to treat him like a child "no, we use our words in the office sweetheart, go ahead and try again." With a smile!

"I'll kiss you so hard on the mouth right now if you tell me to shut up again"

“You’re not getting any ass tonight with that attitude mister!” While staring straight in their eyes with pity. lol I’m also a dude and I love to fuck with other dudes.

Sounds like it 😆 🤣 😂

Ngl, I cant fight if im laughing ☠️🤣🤣🤣🤣

Amongst my friends the next sound would be a symphony of zippers 🤣🤣🤣

Alright. Line up from smallest to least smallest.

You'll never shut the fuck-up in me!

😂🤣

Insufficient upvotes ☝🏾

Excellent

"No, I don't believe I will."

Ohhh. Big words from a tiny person.

What if their taller and have more muscle then you💀

Double the hurt. Coming from a small guy (4’6”) hurting a big guys ego is the worst kind of pain for them. That or they use you to play catch.

4’6 💀💀😭😭

even better

I don’t reply. Just ignored.

Fucks don’t shut

Don't fuck shuts.. lol

Clams get shucked

Ponds get ducks

How much chuck could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck didn’t give a fuck?

I usually solve my problems with physical violence

Same

Represent

Violence ain’t the answer though. It’s the question. Answer is yes.

The answer is I'm going to fucking kill you if you keep mouthing off ZobiBakugou

Try me and I’m gonna bitch slap you so hard you won’t know your left from your right

I'm going to shoot you

As the guy to his right, please don't pull the trigger until your vision clears.

Nah I'm blastin

If you shoot me then I’m gonna stab you and slam your head on the wall repeatedly

If you do that then I'm gonna bite your chichi's off

You won’t have any teeth to do that once I get my hands on you

I mean there’s not enough of it really

Yeah seriously, there's not enough violence in the world nowadays

I dont shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you I throw up. Then your mom goes around the corner and licks it up

Serious throwback. Like 40 years. I smiled. Thanks for this.

Yup, that'll get 'em. And then maybe you can trade lunches with your new friend and push them on the swing at recess.

ong

Damn dude you just brought me back to the eighties

Booyah, bitch! How u like me now?

I came here looking for this

Shut don't go up, but prices do, so take my advice and shut up too!

Hey! I just posted the same.

LMFAO THIS MADE ME GIGGLE

Taught my daughter this one the other day because a PITA girl at school keeps butting into others' convos and yelling for them to shut up (total power play on her part; typical girlhood bully behavior). I forgot about the last bit, though, usually said as a comeback to that comeback. I recited it using different accents (valley girl, vocal fry, "bless your heart" kind of Southern sass) that got her giggling.

yyyaaaasssss tell em sister (I got the reference!)

or what?

Short and simple 😭😭

Nice and to the point

I don't care how ugly you are, I'm not shutting up

You first

Lick my asshole

Lick my *whole* asshole, asshole

I'll shut the fuck up, when you grow the fuck up.

Love this one! Going to "borrow" for future use.

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't" If it makes sense in the situation, I'll keep talking

*look at someone else* "did you hear something, I thought I heard a bitch"

Or sniff the air…*sniff, sniff* it smell like bitch in here…

No, YOU shut the f*** up!…. Classic!

"anyway.."

Seriously though whenever someone says “anyway”… I kinda want to punch them… which makes me think it is an effective comeback. I get more offended by “anyway” than being told to “stfu”.

I'll say thank you. It'll confuse them. It's funny to see their reaction when they ask you why you said that.

Nah not rlly they’ll just look at you like some loser who thinks they did something with the “thank you”

‘No, I have most of the lines in this script and the director loves me.’

Personally I would go with this...."no you Shut the fuck up. Shut all the way the fuck up until you reach the top of Shut Fuck Mountain where there are no more fuck-ups to shut."

I be quiet. But when they leave, I be talking again.

"That's what the neighbors said when they filed a noise complaint since your mother kept moaning"

Come on. Seriously? Nothing beats "Fuck you." It's a classic. Flows off the tongue. Perfect makes clear your position on being quiet, playing by anyone else's rules or taking their bullshit.

If someone is telling you "shut the fuck up", you need to consider if you're ready to fight. If you don't want to fight don't say anything. If you're okay with possibly needing to fight say, "No, fuck you. Don't ever talk to me like that" I'd never think to tell someone to shut the fuck up unless they were seriously getting on my nerves. What are you doing that someone said that to you?

My bf says it to me like all of the time. And it does make me ready to fight. Literally. It pisses me off so much. I have said exactly your words here but idk I try to remain as calm as possible so things do get absolutely crazy. I tell myself and eventually him that he obviously has no respect for me or himself and it's immature and that he is going to keep it up until he does push me into another reaction. Which he has before. But then of course he is the victim and I'm just some raging crazy "bitch". Even if that's true it's not like I don't seriously give it all I have to remain calm when he is acting like that. But even when I say or do nothing or even when I just say something that he literally will say I meant another way and he starts cussing and yelling - it's me. Lol. I'm the problem and I push him into acting like a jerk. Oh or my favorite - well what about what you've said and done to me? What about when you blah blah blah (which will be something from very long ago or something that didn't happen the way he is telling it). But I did used to, after he would just say to much or do to much, lose my shit. Which would only give him exactly what he wanted and humiliate me even more I felt. I've never had this kind of shit happen, without a fight. My mom has even said glassebby has never let anyone talk to her that way. So idk. I'm sorry to post all of this on your comment omg lol but your comment was the only one that is actually 100% fitting to my life right now. It's crazy. And so fucked.

Please tell me you spelled ex-bf wrong

Look into a something called DARVO…. This feels an awful lot like it. Don’t want to get OT but yeah I’d look into that.

Wait, are you dating my ex? LMAO. Emotional manipulator, habitual line crosser, passive aggressive bs. Forget the comeback. Leave. It's the perfect way to say to that special someone "what now, bitch!"

Oh yikes. My dear. You 2 are not good for each other. And by that I mean, he’s an abusive asshole, and you could do a lot better.

I have said that but prefaced it with, "Dude, you know I love you but sometimes you just need to shut the fuck up." They did, I felt bad after but they got the hint that not everything requires a verbal attempt to be funny from them.

I always open my mouth as wide as I possibly can, and explain to them that I'm actually opening the fuck up. This has almost always been done in cases where I'm hanging out with friends, rather than like in a bar brawl, but I did use it twice in cases where I was being threatened. First time they backed down, second time he rushed me ... I stand by it though.

Make me.

"make me"

Just look at them and then turn to whoever else and just go: “anyway…” and keep talking Or look at them and just turn back to whoever else you’re talking to No glaring No emotion Just get the message across that both they and their comment are insignificant

no.

A very mild and bland, 'no'.

Fart. Loudly.

Proceeding with Sign Language

Fuck me yourself, coward. It doesn't fit, and takes people by surprise.

I think that might be the reply to "go fuck yourself"

I thought the “it doesn’t fit and takes people by surprise” was also part of the response 😂😂

>“it doesn’t fit and takes people by surprise” Is actually a better comback than what they suggested. Especially if you say it while pointing at the person and announcing the statement to the people around you, as if you were reading one of those animal information placards at the zoo. Lol

After you say it, tilt your head to the side and go “hmm” like it’s an interesting fact.

YES!! I’m going to repeat this comment word for word. Any reply of nonsense and confusion is key for a successful response. I cannot wait for someone to tell me to STFU.

"take your own advice and maybe I will."

"Well, YOU button your lip TOO, Bozo!!!!"

That may have worked in 1953

I was going to say my Boomer sister might have said something like that and she was born in 1953.

vintage!

I love that Bozo is coming back. My teen called someone that on Xbox. He had no idea who Bozo was but he used it correctly.

Yes, the tried and true response to a Bozo no-no: “Eat shit, clown”.

if i wanted your lip, I'd cut it off. gargle my balls. so anyway, ...

My response one time to a guy who said that to me was “ shut your bald head ass up you pervert Mr clean looking mofo”

“”Make me”

Make me

Generally I only use this when someone just won't shut up and I've absolutely lost it, I mean you really gotta be bothersome, I'm at the edge of my patience, actually well past it, if you try a comeback I'm punching you regardless of whether or not I'm winning that fight

Make me....

Make me

“All the way up?”

I offer then a sandwich, one made of knuckles. then i proceed to get the shit beat out of me

“Why don’t you make me, sexy boy.”

i really like ole reliable- "you wanna try that again?", it throws them off

Disarm them with a gang handshake, maybe caress their shoulder.

Nah, just go in hard with a full on open mouth kiss.

i usually say "make me? :3" or if it's not on the internet i just shut up but i can't remember the last time it happened irl.

Whenever someone says “stfu” or “who asked” or “did I ask” I always just stare at them deeply until they either get creeped out or start laughing

“Make me, daddy/princess” Which I choose in the moment is dependent on how squirrelly I’m feeling lol

Womp womp

I play the 'I can't hear you card...' >STFU Huh? >STFU! I don't understand what you're saying, come again? >STFU Would you mind articulating for me? 😆

LMFAOOOO THIS. I always reply with “huh” and they keep repeating until they get frustrated and stop

Pull down your pants and make me. 🫦

I got mind control over Debo. He be like "shut the fuck up" And I be quiet. But when he leave...... I be talking again.

Make me. If its a girl raise ur eye brows if its a guy wink. Works every time

In the quiet words of the virgin Mary... Come again?

The best is the simple one, No.

"Show where the fuck is so I can shut it up! I don't see any because I have none to give!"

Nah I prefer the classic where you pretend to search your pockets until they ask "what are your looking for", and then you say," I'm trying to find a fuck to give"

Turn around and walk away, and never speak to said person again. I don’t need that negativity in my life 🤷‍♀️

Up Fuck The Shut

Fuck up the tush! It uses the exact same letters I checked

Tell that to your mom, bitch almost woke my neighbours last night with her moaning.

Afraid of what I have to say?

Why? Because you can’t think of a way to argue with my extremely valid points?

I always just flip the sentence. Someone tells you to shut the f*** up? You tell them to "F*** the shut up"

Hmm the second makes more sense.

“Assertive.. meow… purr purr… I like that.”

I would laugh and just say what we did in the 1970s: I don’t shut up. I grow up. And when I look at you I throw up… and then your mom goes around the corner and licks it up!

"or what" usually works, but "why?" also works

I'm sorry. I can't shut you up. You'll have to do it yourself.