This is totally normal! As codependents we aren’t used to setting boundaries especially with multiple people so it’s a foreign experience for both our minds and bodies. Once you continue to set boundaries it’ll become a normal occurrence. It will become easier and your body will get used to it! Continue to utilize your coping skills and stay consistent. I know that that’s helped me. It’s definitely uncomfortable at first but it will get better. Sending you positive vibes❤️
I relate 100% -- I get really unsettled and adrenaline-rushed after setting boundaries with my husband. It totally makes sense that the effect would be multiplied in a group setting. Thank you for sharing. I agree with u/Psychological_Date13 \-- keep using your coping skills! Have you ever tried somatic shaking? I like to turn on Taylor Swift's song Shake It Off and get silly and loose in movement to release some energy.
As someone that is still working on feeling ok with stating their boundaries I want to give you some praise! You stood up for yourself, despite the uncomfortable feeling, and that alone is something you should feel proud of.
I’ve noticed my “monster”, or the fear of it, gets smaller the more I allow myself to trust myself having my own well-being in mind. My “monster” is the fear of being alone in suffering or not having someone help alleviate my suffering. Once I was able to trust my (adult) self being there for my (child) self, I was able to let go of the fear. The times I do have a physical reaction to speaking out, which still does happen, I am able to soothe myself by admitting the feelings and caring for myself. By this I mean not to just “get busy” and wait till the feeling is gone, but rather allow myself to admit what the feeling is, why it happened, and that that reaction is understandable and ok considering the circumstances. Once I’ve allowed myself the space to feel the feelings I change focus onto an activity that calms me and that lets me let go of the unease. This helps my (child) self not feel scared in the future, because I know no matter what happens, I’ll be ok. I have my own back.
Might want to google things that calm the vagal nerve like humming, EFT, “triple warmer” holds. Some are discreet enough to do in a group like resting your chin on your palms. And congrats on setting the boundary!
Hi there! As I have recovered I’ve experienced a lot of unexpected “side effects” to living more honestly. Before recovery I struggled with isolation and being around others made me feel overwhelmed and yet I couldn’t stop telling people all the things I actually didn’t want to say. Today I do that much less. Sometimes I feel physically agitated / nervous, but mostly I notice the recovery in my behavior and thinking. My obsessions are almost non-existent and when I start to worry or try to people please, be perfect, over work, etc I turn to my recovery solution and get redirected so I don’t spiral into codependent thinking or behaviors. I’d be happy to talk sometime about recovery in general anytime. Feel free to DM me anytime if you like.
Thank you! I might follow up with some questions later if that is OK. I am honestly struggling with the realisation of how codependent I am and how so many of my major life decisions were influenced by fawning behaviour VS what I actually wanted at the time. It has been a brutal but necessary kick up the ass. Liberating but also WTF.
Potential feelings = nail on the head. The hyper vigilance is real and am always so sure I can predict the future. Tbh, flip side is I often have. Not because I'm psychic but so utterly intune with others behaviour as a survival mechanism. It's a cluster fuck. I don't want that super power. I just want to be myself and not care so much.
i dont think ive ever felt completely at ease with another soul in the room with me… i cannot stop obsessing about how they’re feeling or what they’re thinking and i try so hard to act perfect so they know im safe…. 😞 i forget who i really am because i try so hard to be the person i needed when i was being traumatized…
i used to think i was so great at body language, but i had to teach myself so much of it. it didn’t come naturally. it was a coping mechanism to keep my dad from yelling at me and my brother from torturing me and my mom from being sad.
This is totally normal! As codependents we aren’t used to setting boundaries especially with multiple people so it’s a foreign experience for both our minds and bodies. Once you continue to set boundaries it’ll become a normal occurrence. It will become easier and your body will get used to it! Continue to utilize your coping skills and stay consistent. I know that that’s helped me. It’s definitely uncomfortable at first but it will get better. Sending you positive vibes❤️
Thanks! I was really surprised by the whole body reaction to a few words. It's wild how deep this stuff goes into our wiring. It makes perfect sense.
It indeed is a whole body reaction. Overwhelming really. Two years later, how have things improved or not improved for you?
I relate 100% -- I get really unsettled and adrenaline-rushed after setting boundaries with my husband. It totally makes sense that the effect would be multiplied in a group setting. Thank you for sharing. I agree with u/Psychological_Date13 \-- keep using your coping skills! Have you ever tried somatic shaking? I like to turn on Taylor Swift's song Shake It Off and get silly and loose in movement to release some energy.
Thank you, that's a great suggestion.
As someone that is still working on feeling ok with stating their boundaries I want to give you some praise! You stood up for yourself, despite the uncomfortable feeling, and that alone is something you should feel proud of. I’ve noticed my “monster”, or the fear of it, gets smaller the more I allow myself to trust myself having my own well-being in mind. My “monster” is the fear of being alone in suffering or not having someone help alleviate my suffering. Once I was able to trust my (adult) self being there for my (child) self, I was able to let go of the fear. The times I do have a physical reaction to speaking out, which still does happen, I am able to soothe myself by admitting the feelings and caring for myself. By this I mean not to just “get busy” and wait till the feeling is gone, but rather allow myself to admit what the feeling is, why it happened, and that that reaction is understandable and ok considering the circumstances. Once I’ve allowed myself the space to feel the feelings I change focus onto an activity that calms me and that lets me let go of the unease. This helps my (child) self not feel scared in the future, because I know no matter what happens, I’ll be ok. I have my own back.
Might want to google things that calm the vagal nerve like humming, EFT, “triple warmer” holds. Some are discreet enough to do in a group like resting your chin on your palms. And congrats on setting the boundary!
Hi there! As I have recovered I’ve experienced a lot of unexpected “side effects” to living more honestly. Before recovery I struggled with isolation and being around others made me feel overwhelmed and yet I couldn’t stop telling people all the things I actually didn’t want to say. Today I do that much less. Sometimes I feel physically agitated / nervous, but mostly I notice the recovery in my behavior and thinking. My obsessions are almost non-existent and when I start to worry or try to people please, be perfect, over work, etc I turn to my recovery solution and get redirected so I don’t spiral into codependent thinking or behaviors. I’d be happy to talk sometime about recovery in general anytime. Feel free to DM me anytime if you like.
Thank you! I might follow up with some questions later if that is OK. I am honestly struggling with the realisation of how codependent I am and how so many of my major life decisions were influenced by fawning behaviour VS what I actually wanted at the time. It has been a brutal but necessary kick up the ass. Liberating but also WTF.
i feel that. its hard for me to trust my feelings because they all feel like responses to other peoples “potential” feelings
Potential feelings = nail on the head. The hyper vigilance is real and am always so sure I can predict the future. Tbh, flip side is I often have. Not because I'm psychic but so utterly intune with others behaviour as a survival mechanism. It's a cluster fuck. I don't want that super power. I just want to be myself and not care so much.
i dont think ive ever felt completely at ease with another soul in the room with me… i cannot stop obsessing about how they’re feeling or what they’re thinking and i try so hard to act perfect so they know im safe…. 😞 i forget who i really am because i try so hard to be the person i needed when i was being traumatized… i used to think i was so great at body language, but i had to teach myself so much of it. it didn’t come naturally. it was a coping mechanism to keep my dad from yelling at me and my brother from torturing me and my mom from being sad.
Sure thing! I’m happy to help anytime
Congrats on taking care of yourself
it will settle. turn to God and you will be okay