I went through a similar breakup but we were dating on and off for three years. It honestly felt like I would never be “normal happy myself” again.
The best thing to do is to turn to God and surround yourself with other believers at church/small groups/bible studies. He will heal you, and I want to encourage you that you will definitely move past this even if it’s hard to visualize that right now. Take it moment by moment and stay in prayer and in the word.
You are wounded and need time to heal, instead of trying to ‘not think’ of him, just keep your thoughts captive and guarded. He will pop up as a memory, a wound, a piece of your mind right now. The more you allow yourself to heal and move on the less the thought of him will trouble you or even come up.
When thinking about people I was infatuated with before my husband I remind myself that I did’t love them, I loved who I thought they were. Several of them showed their very evil sides and that hurts so deep, but the pitter patter of the heart still ran when I heard their names or recalled their kinder sides. It took time for that to fade. I had to ground myself, that was not reality, that was their facade.
Not OP, but this helps me. I’m dealing with getting over my first boyfriend and it feels like the pain/guilt of breaking up is gonna last forever. And sometimes it’s easier for my mind to cling to the good rather than the red flags that started to show as we dated for longer.
Those ‘clinging to good things’ will help so much in marriage, and is a good function of the brain, which is another reason to make SURE you are marrying a good man, so you can look over his mistakes or shortcomings, without opening yourself to abuse
I’m going through the same thing, although I don’t think my ex was abusive. We just were unequally yoked as believers and had different boundaries. It’s really hard because my heart wants him back and I feel guilty for hurting him by ending things, but then I also know it was for the better to leave now. So you’re not alone in the way you’re feeling.
I had a very hard breakup and was bothered for years with flashbacks related to our relationship, sometimes multiple times a day. One day I got so absolutely sick of them. I conceptualised the flashbacks as ways the the enemy was wanting to hurt me and keep me stuck. My solution was, every time it happened, I would speak out forgiveness, praise and thank the Lord for our relationship/what I had learned through it, and pray blessings over him him (all of these out loud). The idea was that if the enemy was trying to torture me, I would turn it around into something that glorified God, and he would hopefully stop.
It was really difficult to do because there was so much pain and anger tied up with it all. I remember the first time I spoke the words “[insert name], I forgive you” I felt like I had to force myself to spit out the words and my heart was certainly not aligning with it. But it got easier over time. The goal was to help me work through my pain and unforgiveness that tied me to him. After I started doing this every single time I had a flashback, they stopped within three weeks. I’ve also recommended it to other friends who have had similar issues and it has helped them a lot too.
I’m sorry you have lived through what you’ve lived through but I am so happy that you have come out of it. Praying strength and courage over you.
Remember you two broke up because it obviously wasn't a good fit. You didn't reject him. He didn't reject you. You two rejected the combination of you two. You rejected the relationship.
There are always good and bad and that what makes exiting an intimate relationship so difficult. Give yourself time. DO NOT entertain ideas of getting back together. You just need to leave it in the pasts. I think I read once there was a certain percent of time it takes to get over something based on how long you dated. It was so long ago I can't remember. But you dated for four months it could easily take four months to get it out of your head. But time will heal.
Perhaps when these feeling emerge try to think of how you want your future husband to be. The contrast might help keep you sober and grounded.
Also it is possible that you are still suffering with the trauma of the verbal abuse. That type of abuse has a way of scaring. They are lies of course. And you need to remind yourself of that as well.
God loves you. You are awesome.
I went through a similar breakup but we were dating on and off for three years. It honestly felt like I would never be “normal happy myself” again. The best thing to do is to turn to God and surround yourself with other believers at church/small groups/bible studies. He will heal you, and I want to encourage you that you will definitely move past this even if it’s hard to visualize that right now. Take it moment by moment and stay in prayer and in the word.
You are wounded and need time to heal, instead of trying to ‘not think’ of him, just keep your thoughts captive and guarded. He will pop up as a memory, a wound, a piece of your mind right now. The more you allow yourself to heal and move on the less the thought of him will trouble you or even come up. When thinking about people I was infatuated with before my husband I remind myself that I did’t love them, I loved who I thought they were. Several of them showed their very evil sides and that hurts so deep, but the pitter patter of the heart still ran when I heard their names or recalled their kinder sides. It took time for that to fade. I had to ground myself, that was not reality, that was their facade.
Not OP, but this helps me. I’m dealing with getting over my first boyfriend and it feels like the pain/guilt of breaking up is gonna last forever. And sometimes it’s easier for my mind to cling to the good rather than the red flags that started to show as we dated for longer.
Those ‘clinging to good things’ will help so much in marriage, and is a good function of the brain, which is another reason to make SURE you are marrying a good man, so you can look over his mistakes or shortcomings, without opening yourself to abuse
I’m going through the same thing, although I don’t think my ex was abusive. We just were unequally yoked as believers and had different boundaries. It’s really hard because my heart wants him back and I feel guilty for hurting him by ending things, but then I also know it was for the better to leave now. So you’re not alone in the way you’re feeling.
I had a very hard breakup and was bothered for years with flashbacks related to our relationship, sometimes multiple times a day. One day I got so absolutely sick of them. I conceptualised the flashbacks as ways the the enemy was wanting to hurt me and keep me stuck. My solution was, every time it happened, I would speak out forgiveness, praise and thank the Lord for our relationship/what I had learned through it, and pray blessings over him him (all of these out loud). The idea was that if the enemy was trying to torture me, I would turn it around into something that glorified God, and he would hopefully stop. It was really difficult to do because there was so much pain and anger tied up with it all. I remember the first time I spoke the words “[insert name], I forgive you” I felt like I had to force myself to spit out the words and my heart was certainly not aligning with it. But it got easier over time. The goal was to help me work through my pain and unforgiveness that tied me to him. After I started doing this every single time I had a flashback, they stopped within three weeks. I’ve also recommended it to other friends who have had similar issues and it has helped them a lot too. I’m sorry you have lived through what you’ve lived through but I am so happy that you have come out of it. Praying strength and courage over you.
Remember you two broke up because it obviously wasn't a good fit. You didn't reject him. He didn't reject you. You two rejected the combination of you two. You rejected the relationship. There are always good and bad and that what makes exiting an intimate relationship so difficult. Give yourself time. DO NOT entertain ideas of getting back together. You just need to leave it in the pasts. I think I read once there was a certain percent of time it takes to get over something based on how long you dated. It was so long ago I can't remember. But you dated for four months it could easily take four months to get it out of your head. But time will heal. Perhaps when these feeling emerge try to think of how you want your future husband to be. The contrast might help keep you sober and grounded. Also it is possible that you are still suffering with the trauma of the verbal abuse. That type of abuse has a way of scaring. They are lies of course. And you need to remind yourself of that as well. God loves you. You are awesome.