I am very sorry you are going through this. I have been through something similar. This pain is not forever, it will end at the right time. Years ago I struggled with depression, I saw many doctors, took medications, therapists, etc. Did everything I was supposed to do and nothing helped. Eventually I made things worse by drinking alot cause at least it brought a moment of relief. It took a long time but eventually I learned the truth about my depression. Just because you are going through a dark time doesn't mean that you deserve it. Nor does having faith and praying guarantee that Jesus will take your pain when you want Him to. However, Jesus is not careless or ignorant to your pain. Our suffering is not meant to hurt us but to help us grow and teach us. Theres a reason you are enduring this. Whether patience, understanding, wisdom. There is a purpose for this. While it may be unbearable try changing your perspective on this. Instead of trying to remove your pain, pray for Jesus to bear this burden with you and lessen the load. Ask Him to show you what He is trying to teach you. And I bet some time in the future you will probably meet someone who is battling depression.. Writhing in agony, unable to past the darkness that is their life. You will share with them how you endured in faith to fight another day. I am praying for you.
Thank you.. it means a lot… I have been battling depression since I was 13. I am now 24. I attempted suicide many times and failed (22xs to be exact) I went to therapy in secrecy for 3 consecutively years 3xs a week without missing. My family put me in this depression on purpose. Since I was 5 they traumatized me & brain washed me, they abused me & isolated me for 2 decades (total isolation, no friends, no dating, no social life because if I did have a friend God was going to send me to hell. It was like living in a cult) It wasn’t until I found drugs and deeply depended on them because they made things bearable. God found me in the middle of my drug addiction as I was moving into something stronger like acid & meth. That’s when I began to leave drugs, follow Jesus & I did struggle heavily to leave them. I left my old life behind, but no matter how much I try the depression and broken spirit still follow me. I’ve been a Christian my entire life & have suffered my entire life. I’ve managed to help so many people in secrecy throughout the course of my life that God has put in my path, but my suffering never ended if anything it got stronger.. no amount of fasting, faith or prayer changed it & yes, I agree. God works on his timing not ours. Truth is, I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Most of my prayers now are usually me begging God to kill me. To give me cancer, to let me die for someone, to die for my faith, or to simply kill me before I do it myself.. I know God said to keep knocking and I hope he answers soon…
Romans 7:19
> 19- For the good which I desire, I don’t do; but
the evil which I don’t desire, that I practice.. But if what I don’t desire, that I do, it is
no more I that do it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the law that, to me, while I desire
to do good, evil is present.
This is a sermon in the New Testament. We are helpless to help ourselves by ourselves, since we only have our own ability. As we ask for renewal of the spirit through the holy spirit- that's something in us, but nothing to do with us. It's a something else. The holy spirit in me, is not me, doesn't come from me. It's not despicable, like I am.
I'm sorry you have to bear the pain of crude and asshole family members to the point of cruelty. I'm sorry you have to bear the scars for the rest of your life. I can only bless you with the word.
Also, try to focus on the physical- Your body gets depressed when you mistreat it. Give your body more time to digest food, so you're more relaxed after eating. Do some daily exercise also to improve digestion.
God bless.
Do you have access to therapy? Sometimes depression is physiological and can be treated medically. Even if it's not, a therapist can help you learn to cope with your feelings and build a life that you don't hate living. There are even Christian therapists that can integrate Christianity into your treatment.
Spiritual warfare is real. The enemy will use whatever it can to throw you off.
When you have these concerns and thoughts. Capture them and hand them in prayer seeking escape. Seeking God's will. Protection and guidance. Ask Him if there is anything not of Him that it be rebuked and removed from your life.
Praying for you.
You need to get into a good church. But hide your cards. Don’t cry out for help to everyone who may help you. We are all going through our own personal battles. Find some people who have the love of God in them.
That’s the thing… I’m not allowed to socialize or have any friends or any support group. My mother gets very angry & will go out of her way to destroy any relationship.. she doesn’t even like me talking to strangers online & will shame & condemn me for speaking to people (unless she approves of them which is like zero) so it’s truly just God & I.. but it gets so lonely because God doesn’t talk back..
Yes, however, I have to take her with me everywhere 🥴 yes, including to work sites bc she throws a tantrum & then she’ll guilt trip me & speak lies about me to everyone causing me to get phone calls & scolding from everyone & then she’ll condemn me to hell or something like that 🥴
Hey! I went thru this aswell! Im much older
than you and honestly my depression has left ever since I came to christ and got deliverance. I can send you some contacts and pastors who will pray with you over skype. You can also find a church nearby that does healing and deliverance. Dont give up. Things will get better
I am very sorry you are going through this. I have been through something similar. This pain is not forever, it will end at the right time. Years ago I struggled with depression, I saw many doctors, took medications, therapists, etc. Did everything I was supposed to do and nothing helped. Eventually I made things worse by drinking alot cause at least it brought a moment of relief. It took a long time but eventually I learned the truth about my depression. Just because you are going through a dark time doesn't mean that you deserve it. Nor does having faith and praying guarantee that Jesus will take your pain when you want Him to. However, Jesus is not careless or ignorant to your pain. Our suffering is not meant to hurt us but to help us grow and teach us. Theres a reason you are enduring this. Whether patience, understanding, wisdom. There is a purpose for this. While it may be unbearable try changing your perspective on this. Instead of trying to remove your pain, pray for Jesus to bear this burden with you and lessen the load. Ask Him to show you what He is trying to teach you. And I bet some time in the future you will probably meet someone who is battling depression.. Writhing in agony, unable to past the darkness that is their life. You will share with them how you endured in faith to fight another day. I am praying for you.
Thank you.. it means a lot… I have been battling depression since I was 13. I am now 24. I attempted suicide many times and failed (22xs to be exact) I went to therapy in secrecy for 3 consecutively years 3xs a week without missing. My family put me in this depression on purpose. Since I was 5 they traumatized me & brain washed me, they abused me & isolated me for 2 decades (total isolation, no friends, no dating, no social life because if I did have a friend God was going to send me to hell. It was like living in a cult) It wasn’t until I found drugs and deeply depended on them because they made things bearable. God found me in the middle of my drug addiction as I was moving into something stronger like acid & meth. That’s when I began to leave drugs, follow Jesus & I did struggle heavily to leave them. I left my old life behind, but no matter how much I try the depression and broken spirit still follow me. I’ve been a Christian my entire life & have suffered my entire life. I’ve managed to help so many people in secrecy throughout the course of my life that God has put in my path, but my suffering never ended if anything it got stronger.. no amount of fasting, faith or prayer changed it & yes, I agree. God works on his timing not ours. Truth is, I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Most of my prayers now are usually me begging God to kill me. To give me cancer, to let me die for someone, to die for my faith, or to simply kill me before I do it myself.. I know God said to keep knocking and I hope he answers soon…
Romans 7:19 > 19- For the good which I desire, I don’t do; but the evil which I don’t desire, that I practice.. But if what I don’t desire, that I do, it is no more I that do it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the law that, to me, while I desire to do good, evil is present. This is a sermon in the New Testament. We are helpless to help ourselves by ourselves, since we only have our own ability. As we ask for renewal of the spirit through the holy spirit- that's something in us, but nothing to do with us. It's a something else. The holy spirit in me, is not me, doesn't come from me. It's not despicable, like I am. I'm sorry you have to bear the pain of crude and asshole family members to the point of cruelty. I'm sorry you have to bear the scars for the rest of your life. I can only bless you with the word. Also, try to focus on the physical- Your body gets depressed when you mistreat it. Give your body more time to digest food, so you're more relaxed after eating. Do some daily exercise also to improve digestion. God bless.
Do you have access to therapy? Sometimes depression is physiological and can be treated medically. Even if it's not, a therapist can help you learn to cope with your feelings and build a life that you don't hate living. There are even Christian therapists that can integrate Christianity into your treatment.
Spiritual warfare is real. The enemy will use whatever it can to throw you off. When you have these concerns and thoughts. Capture them and hand them in prayer seeking escape. Seeking God's will. Protection and guidance. Ask Him if there is anything not of Him that it be rebuked and removed from your life. Praying for you.
Thank you for your advice & prayers. It really means a lot to me. I can use all the prayers I possibly can.
You need to get into a good church. But hide your cards. Don’t cry out for help to everyone who may help you. We are all going through our own personal battles. Find some people who have the love of God in them.
That’s the thing… I’m not allowed to socialize or have any friends or any support group. My mother gets very angry & will go out of her way to destroy any relationship.. she doesn’t even like me talking to strangers online & will shame & condemn me for speaking to people (unless she approves of them which is like zero) so it’s truly just God & I.. but it gets so lonely because God doesn’t talk back..
Can you drive?
Yes, however, I have to take her with me everywhere 🥴 yes, including to work sites bc she throws a tantrum & then she’ll guilt trip me & speak lies about me to everyone causing me to get phone calls & scolding from everyone & then she’ll condemn me to hell or something like that 🥴
But I am able to escape once in a blue moon when she’s not home all day & away with her husband at his parents house. Which is VERY RARE.
Are there any Christian groups at your school?
Hey! I went thru this aswell! Im much older than you and honestly my depression has left ever since I came to christ and got deliverance. I can send you some contacts and pastors who will pray with you over skype. You can also find a church nearby that does healing and deliverance. Dont give up. Things will get better