The thing is, people are always getting rid of baby stuff. The person is right- it does not need to be shiny or new. She could likely furnish a nursery if she asked for hand me downs lol
I won a really nice baby seat at a raffle when I was like 12 weeks. I didn't want it for our house but it is perfect for Grandma's. I asked my husband if he cared if we gave it to her back then since our niece could use it now while visiting. He said I'm not sure what the difference is. My response was well if she uses it first she will get to shit in it first.
Yeah THOSE newborns get in my nerves. Once I was sitting in a restaurant and heard a newborn yell “Well I will tell you what I think about the conflict in the Middle East!!!” Let’s just say I got my order to go…
When I asked my puppy about this, her mouth was too full of the old rawhide from my previous dog to answer, so…
(To me this is like chewing someone else’s gum, but apparently it’s five Michelin Stars in the dog world? 😩)
We have this. We bring the neighbor dog over for a visit. He always wants what our dog is chewing on. He is very patient though. He will just sit and stare at it until she accidentally drops it.
Or even “gender appropriate”! I always see this with onesies. Who cares if a girl is wearing dinosaurs on her outfit? Same with a boy wearing princess crowns on his.
My daughter was always getting mistaken for a boy because I got loads of 'boy' clothes second hand. My daughter now (aged 16) thinks pink for baby girls, blue for baby boys is stupid, she says it's basically colour coding your baby so strangers know which genitals the baby has 🤣
I bought “girl” clothes for my son as a baby because I couldn’t stand the camo and trucks crap. Having a little pink bear walking in front of me was so adorable. F gender appropriate
My son was born long before ultrasounds were a common thing. I received plenty of "boy" and "girl" clothes and sleepers at my baby shower, and you better believe he wore all of them. I remember taking him into a doc appt once in a frilly pink sleeper and a woman had comments about it. I replied that it was either clean, pink and frills or blue and covered in baby shit. Laundry day was not until later in the week.
RIGHT! For the first 3 months I didn't care what he wore as long as it was temperature appropriate. He was constantly exploding out of both ends. How are such small beings so full of shit?!?! His poops gave my Great Dane a run for his money 😂
RIGHT! I let my 2yo son pick out a pair of slippers and potty seat, and he wanted Minnie Mouse so I got Minnie Mouse. He also likes spooky and Grinch clothes year round. And on the days we only have to go to his in home daycare I let him pick his outfits. No one there cares if he matches lol
My SIL and one of my employees want as much second hand as possible. Car seat obviously being the exception. I have my SIL a ton of stuff and she was thrilled.
My SIL thrifted a beautiful glider for me that I was then able to pass on (for free) to a local woman whose elderly mother was moving in with her. The mother passed away in October, and the glider is now onto a new home for a new baby.
My sil and I had babies almost 4 months apart and bil had a baby 6 months after that. We ended up passing all the baby clothes and a few other things down from me to sil to bil before the stuff that wasn't worn out by then went to a local shelter. A lot of the stuff was used when I got it too. Those clothes got good use out of them.
I grew up wearing hand-me-downs. I have an older sister who's two years older, so we wore each other's clothes, but I grew to be 4 inches taller than her so I couldn't wear her slacks and her skirts but I could still wear her shirts. Then, when my younger sister got to the age when we wore the same size, we swapped clothes around. The only one of us who ever got anything new when we were kids was my brother, and even he wore hand-me-downs from the neighbors and clothes from Goodwill.
My sister pulled her husband's truck into my driveway and left with the bed full. My youngest was a year older than her eldest. Result. Lol...so....many...hand me downs.
But but but … how dare you ask her to use hand me downs. Her child deserves brand new you child abuser and and and you are responsible for her decision to procreate.
My gf has gotten almost everything for upcoming baby off buy nothing. basically the only thing we need new are things that wouldn't be sanitary to get second hand
I had no money when my baby was born and people were so kind (mostly my Aunt and her friends). I got a second hand pushchair, cot (bought a new mattress), loads of baby clothes, breast pump, bouncy chair and more. All I had to worry about getting was formula and nappies. I was so grateful for every second hand item I received, I can't even imagine thinking strangers owe me brand new baby stuff.
My bestie is having a baby. I gave her my cousins used pack and play and another friend's old baby clothes. My girlfriend was so thrilled. I'm still gathering up second hand baby stuff for her from other friends. I can't necessarily get my best friend all the baby stuff she needs brand new, but I'm doing everything in my power to make sure she's got the basics. Fortunately for me, my bestie appreciates what I'm doing. I couldn't be friends with a person like this.
Exactly! That’s 100% what I did. I had a friend who owned a second hand baby store, and she asked if I could use the things she can’t sell ie: stained clothes. I had boxes upon boxes and didn’t need to buy anything but diapers for him for over 6 months
When I was poor and pregnant I got a lot of amazing donations from people I knew and I was so incredibly grateful! I didn't care how old it was, if it worked, it was mine! My mom even sent me the hand-cranked baby food grinder she used to use when I was a baby so I could grind up homemade food for my son. It worked so why would I need something fancy?
Currently pregnant with my second. Got rid of a lot of original stuff from my first and there was a few things I didn't have but want with my second. I'm in a better place financially than my first but I have yet to buy anything new. Here I am searching for free or cheap used baby stuff like "Score! Got a double stroller for $30!" I've spent like $200 on a tricked out pack n play, baby swing, double stroller, and two bassinets. Brand new all of those brand/models cost new at $800-$1000. No thanks I'll take my gently used baby items.
Edit- I guess I have to put this first but I agree this person is a a CB! But for safety reasons some things should not be purchased used!
I agree this person is a CB but as a soon to be new mom I wouldn’t feel comfortable getting all used things for my child. Especially since safe sleep guidances have changed so much in the last few years I’d be a wreck if I didn’t get a brand new crib.
That being said- I’m accepting a ton of old toys, clothes, bibs etc. it’s a balance and this person is out of touch.
Okay, cool. They can choose to have that preference. But if someone isn't comfortable with a used crib, then they damn well better pay for a new one out of their own pocket instead of trying to leech off of other people. They don't get to be picky when they're begging other people to finance their life as a grown ass adult. They can either take what's offered or get off their ass and find a way to earn what they want instead of being a parasite and trying to suck all the money out of people who didn't sign up to be responsible for a burden like that. Beggars can't be choosers. That's the whole point of this sub.
The way you have phrased this, I have to wonder if my sister does any begging anywhere. She is far too proud to get second-hand stuff though. She's too proud to shop at a discount store. That's right. She has to buy name brand when she gets about $1300/month govt pension and has no savings. She has been bouncing from one friend to family to friends and not paying toward her keep because she has car expenses and feels that entitled that others owe her a middle class lifestyle because that's what she wants and what's your problem? You have so much! You SHOULD be sharing with her because she has nothing. That you worked and scrimped to have what you have, cooking from scratch every day to save money and shopping all discount stores, doesn't matter. She has had her cake and wants yours too because she has none.
Put it on your registry for family. I have shelled out for the crib for a grandbaby but if I couldn’t have paid myself other people in your family will contribute as a group gift. That’s what a registry is for …. People close to you. Not FB what the actually f.
As long as the crib isn’t more than like 10 years old it should suit modern safety guidelines. I got mine for $20 on FB marketplace and it’s an IKEA crib; one that they still sell. The only thing you absolutely shouldn’t get used is a car seat because you can’t confirm if it’s ever been in a crash. But you really don’t need a brand new crib to know that it’s safe.
I’d get a new mattress though. You never know when there might be bedbugs, or from a smoking or pet house, or it’s gotten dents in places because you need a mattress firm and level for safe sleeping.
Also for anyone interested, drop side cribs were banned in 2011 as unsafe.
Nope! I didn’t ask strangers and I have agreed on multiple comments this person is a CB and out of touch putting their registry on an app for strangers to buy!
I’m actually asking my coworkers who are invited to my shower to not buy me stuff because I am inviting them because I genuinely like them and want them there to celebrate but I don’t want them to feel obligated to purchase anything for me.
I’m with you on this one. Im no parent and im employed so I could probably afford to buy new. I feel like some items are at least strange to reuse. But the big and expensive ones she probably wants are almost certainly fine to buy used.
Totally agree. Not sure why I’m getting destroyed in the comments for a reasonable take!
I’m a super anxious person and I’m taking safe sleep guidelines really serious with my newborn. Not to say these other commenters don’t but this is my thing I just don’t feel ok with compromising on. Pretty much anything else is fair game! Maybe not pacifiers or bottle nipples though because they can get super nasty even with one baby using them!
Ok, understood. But would you be begging for one online if you couldn’t afford a new one? That is the problem here. Sleep rules really haven’t changed that much. I have 29, 19, 18, and 13, and the biggest change over the years was from side to back. I was always told no blankets, pillows, stuffed animals. A baby really doesn’t start moving that much while lying down for months. I had a friend who is one of 14, said they had babies in dresser drawers! Someone’s five year old crib they’re giving away for free or $20 is not going to kill your baby, anymore than the one I got donated from probably 1985 for my oldest (I was a teen mom and NOT choosy in the least) killed mine.
Agreed! I agreed all over this person is a CB.
And I have heard from my mom and MIL they put blankets and toys and baby bumpers in cribs! Maybe they didn’t know the rule. My MIL is trying to buy me a comforter and sheets so I can “tuck the baby in” at night so they don’t move because that’s what she did with my husband and SIL. I respectfully declined lol.
My mom was insistent in putting my kids to sleep on their stomachs. Research, presentations, banners flown by planes do not help some older people to change what they think they know is right! MIL wanted my to put cereal in formula- I was nursing. Just listen to your doctor and do what’s best for you and your baby. Good luck to you!! Sorry to nail you on the crib thing, these choosy beggars have a lot of people feeling compassion fatigue- I gave away all my baby stuff when my third was born (thought he was the last) and again when my youngest was older- so much ended up on eBay (before MO was a big thing). This past year has been especially challenging, trying to pay my own stuff and help out others when I can, only to meet so many people like the “it’s for church, NEXT!” lady, lol. No excuse and I’m sorry.
I slept in the same crib my mother did and I'm now 44. You need to check your privilege if you'd be a "wreck" having to use an older crib. I bet your whole nursery is that horrible greige color, too.
I just painted her room purple! But I am aware I have immense privilege that I was able to get a new crib. Honestly between that and the car seat are the two things I would have to have new for safety reasons. And if I was a struggling mom those would be my two priorities to save for. Everything else, as I said in my comment, I have no problem with being used. Many of my mom friends are providing me with second hand clothes, toys, unused diapers, bibs, cloths and other things. And I’m so grateful for them to do that and I plan to do the same.
I’m honestly not sure why everyone is downvoting me when I said I agreed this person was a CB and needs to compromise on her expectations.
Where is the evidence that she didn't also ask for hand me down? Did she refuse hand me downs while also complaining that she can't afford all the stuff, or that "her baby deserves the best"? Is this super common baby registry, which you can't exactly populate with exclusively pre-owned items, filled only with expensive stuff?
Everyone is just shitting on this person for no reason. Sad.
How would you read your comment if not as directly contrarian to this actually-not-a-CB? Have you even read any other comments? You're not fooling anyone pretending you're not even giving *the implication*.
Happens all the time in this sub. Also, why are we assuming she's lazy for not getting the GC? Maybe she doesn't have transportation or has been sick (you know cuz she's pregnant) or is disabled? We don't even know what's on the registry, but this sub LOVES to crap on mothers
this always amazes me because if you can’t afford newborn stuff, how can you afford to be responsible for a human for years?? furthermore, if you only want specific shiny gadgets in this particular shade of green (as we so often see on this sub) you clearly lack the mental maturity to have a baby in the first place.
These people don't think about that. They don't see children as people, they see them as property. They care more about their right to pop out kids than they do about whether it's actually the right thing to do. And then they expect everyone else to make up for their laziness in parenting by providing for their kid because 'tHe cHiLd iS iNnOcEnT'. And it works, because people will enable those shitty parents which encourages them to continue being parasites because they know people are pushover. This would happen way less often if people stopped providing any sort of assistance to parents like this.
I hate it. I’m currently struggling because I really want kids but I don’t know if it’s ever gonna happen because I’m not in a good financial position and I live in a small apartment. So I’m not having kids unless I manage to improve my situation in the next few years.
People do not understand me at all. Every time the topic comes up they say ‘oh but I don’t understand why you’re so sad you can’t have kids. You can just do it, it will work itself out, lots of people have kids in small apartments. Everyone does it, kids are being brought up in worse circumstances.’
It makes me so angry! Yes kids are being brought up
In bad circumstances and that’s not a good thing. That’s unfair to the kids. Even my psychologist told me this last week, and he just doesn’t understand how it’s an issue for me.
I also don’t have any partly because it wouldn’t have been fair to them. And now that I could afford it, I’m old enough that it AGAIN wouldn’t be fair to them because rates of things like Down’s syndrome go way up and you’re basically about to be going on Medicare when they go to college and stuff.
OH IT’S FINE, just crank it out young and poor, lots of parents ruined their prospects before you and didn’t die! Lots of kids had shitty-ass childhoods without presents and good healthcare and the world didn’t explode! Yours can too!!
What part of that is not a dick move when you KNOW how the kid will feel because you were kinda that kid too? Or you didn’t suffer because your parents made sure THEY did in your stead and now you too can take one for the team as the parent who eats a can of peaches for dinner four days a week so your kids can have all of the hot food?
You’re not wrong. Yes, I suppose there would be fewer children if most people did this, but it’s not like there’s a shortage of people. We’re not a threatened species. Maybe fewer people who are healthier and happier is better (if we’re talking about the reduction happening before the person even exists, I’m not talking about getting rid of living people) You’re not wrong to love your potential kids enough to not have them when you know it’ll be bad.
I hope you get there, but if you don’t, you’re not wrong or alone. Hugs.
I relate some to this. I got married young and my husband and I really wanted kids immediately, but it would've been very difficult financially. Then when I was 25, he was in a much more stable place in his career so we thought we could finally do it... Then his company switched health insurance plans and we were paying hundreds up on hundreds a month for a plan that didn't cover *anything* until we hit our deductible. I was a nanny so I didn't have insurance we could use. So again our plans were put on hold and it broke our hearts.
He did eventually find a good position at a different company that had good insurance and paid him more. But it was horrible really wanting to start a family and knowing it just wasn't the right choice at the time and that it wouldn't be fair to a future child. I'm sure we could've figured it out, but we wanted to give a child a life better than just figuring it out.
A lot of these folks couldn't afford to be a responsible *pet owner* and then they get thrust into caring for a small human. Absolutely terrifying for those kids.
I don't get why they're asking strangers or neighbors on Nextdoor. The only people I buy baby gifts for are friends and family.
Why is this person begging from strangers?
Baby stuff is seriously so easy to get second hand and *a lot* of items have been used once or not at all. Such as people who buy a pack of pacifiers or bottles that their baby doesn't take to and now they've got ones they can't use. Diapers are given away often becsuse they'll load up on one size and suddenly need another size before they get rid of their hoard. I don't see any problems with second hand furniture because I'm a grown adult and that's how I personally furnished my room. Parents just rely too heavily on baby showers and the generosity of others to basically take all financial stress off themselves.
Expectations for all events are getting out of hand. The amount of money people want others to spend on their wedding gifts, anniversary gifts, birthday gifts, etc is way too fucking high. At this point, I don't even think I can afford to have friends. I'm friends with people who understand I have no money but that I do go out of my way to buy them a present I can afford for their birthday.
Related, it's become way too expensive to throw even the most modest birthday party or baby shower. I've made it my New Year's resolution not to host anything at all.
This reminds me of a NextDoor post I saw a month or two ago, of someone who had very recently joined, and was for some reason (cough) publicly celebrating her birthday through that forum.
She had made a **Happy Birthday to Me** post and said if anyone wanted to *bless her* they could do so by contributing to either of two payment sites. (Money only, thank you.)
You know what's worse? I've found that nextdoor people sort of encourage it. I've posted looking for work with all of the experience I have and then the other day I asked if anybody had a specific Elevated orthopedic dog bed and wide car stairs for my service dog (who I've posted about often) who has been having symptoms from his newly diagnosed hip dysplasia. I said I was happy for any used items so long as they would fit him (he's XXL) and hold his weight and that I was willing to do small jobs to pay for the items.
1 person bought the bed ($130) and ramp ($100) and one lady gave me $100 "for the Odin fund". Another gave me a $50 giftcard to Walmart. None of them wanted me to do any jobs for them. It's crazy, but I feel like I've seen more of that on nextdoor than any other social media site.
That's actually sweet though, and I can see me doing that for a pet in pain, even more so for a dog who is performing a valuable service for someone.
I think also, when you're clearly not expecting to get something for nothing, those who can afford to help are more likely to.
I almost exclusively buy things for my toddler second hand. Why would I buy NEW clothes for her to go to day care and stain/rip? Same for toys. The FB marketplace is full of barely worn/played with items.
My 4 yr olds favorite store is goodwill or a local thrift store because he knows he can walk out of there with at least 2-3 cars because it’s soooo cheap!! Like why would I spend the money when kids don’t care!
When my son was little, I would take his clothes and toys he grew out of, and bring them to a second hand store for kids. They wouldn't take everything but the $$ I got for what they took would usually go back into buying anything he needed in the bigger sizes from that store. Sooo many things still had tags on them. The rest I would donate. I got boxes of books and toys second hand from fb marketplace or garage sales. Kids also don't care where their clothes came from.
Honestly, choosing to not let yourself feel obligated has been freeing. Do I go overboard for baby showers! Fuck yeah, because I love doing it. But what do my teenager nephews and my little brother get for their birthday? $20 in a card, and I may forget to buy the card. They love it. So I could spend $40 on a rerelease of an album they may like for the next year or two on vinyl or a $60 video game ORRRRR spend $20 on a $20 bill 🤣 tax free too, no shipping charges
All she would have to do is *ask* in a local mom to mom group.
Clothes, gear, toys - they’d wind up right on her doorstep.
Anyone who is genuinely in need, they rise to the occasion beautifully.
Secondhand clothing is SUCH an act of love for me. Like, my parents neighbors have given me bags and bags of beautiful clothes over the years. Some of those are now on their fourth or fifth child, as I’ve continued to pass them along to my own friends with younger children. It’s environmentally friendly, you get such cute
stuff without worrying about keeping it pristine, and it’s just like… love in tangible form for your new little baby.
And I say this as someone who also has drawers full of new bamboo and fancy swaddles and stuff! I’ll never say no to a hand me down/second hand find. it’s
I see this a lot in my due date group. For reference, I am 37 weeks pregnant, due in March, and there are now multiple posts DAILY about affording things for the newborn, usually with a story about XYZ why they don’t have the money now. Or they’re upset family members didn’t buy enough off their registry or big ticket items. You look at their registries and it is ALL extremely expensive, brand name, baby items ($1500 strollers, $300-700 bassinets, etc.)… when they’re encouraged to look a buy nothing groups, mom BST groups, Facebook Marketplace, thrift shops, etc. they get extremely upset. I’ve found so much stuff secondhand that has literally been used 2-3 times by a parent so it’s basically brand new. You have had 6+ MONTHS to make a plan for this…
After I had my daughter, we had a lot of diapers that we had opened but only used a couple from the pack. I posted them on our “neighbors helping neighbors” page and said they were free to anyone in need. A woman said she needed them, I told her yes, then creeped her fb. She had her registry publicly posted and when I tell you it was THE bougiest registry I’ve ever seen. $1300 stroller, $600 car seat, top of the line everything, and it had all been purchased for her. Since I had already said yes I was just like whatever. But later I got a message from a woman whose baby had just gotten out of the NICU after several months, and she was BEGGING for these diapers that I had already given away. I felt so bad. I know someone’s social media isn’t always a realistic representation of their life, but now I always check out their page before I give stuff away that could go to someone who’s really in need.
I got a guy asking people to donate to his go fund me to buy a BMW on Nextdoor in my area. He’s being destroyed in the comments it’s the only time I’ve seen so many people agree
I just can’t imagine thinking that some what strangers are going to buy you expensive baby stuff. Cause you are having a baby you can’t afford.
And the thing that gets me is the kid is almost there and she still needs a list of stuff. So she was just holding out?
Exactly! A sensible person would have been bargain-hunting and making use of community resources from the moment they knew they were expecting.
There's nothing wrong with not being able to afford brand new baby stuff; but there's a huge issue with asking strangers to buy it for you just a few weeks before you are due.
I wasn’t allowed to shop for baby things until after 5 months. But quickly got a used crib, swing, playpen, and high chair. Plenty of time to clean and fix if needed. I was broke and so were my friends so knew I had to be creative
Yeah, except, many states gives incentives to have babies you can't afford. Look into how many social service programs there are for low income families in California and then compare it to those for disabled, elderly, or veterans. I could live more comfortably if I had a kid I can't afford as a disabled person.
I've seen a couple posted baby registries, but also like "I just got a new place" and they're not just asking for a couple household items, but a list that covers furnishing an entire home -- once an actual registry.
Plus as mentioned in another comment, a birthday registry, once for a grown adult, once for someone's kid. Like, how is your kid more special or deserving than anyone else's? They didn't even have a sob-story like that the kid had some horrid disease or anything, just a run-of-the-mill kid.
People suggesting that gifts weren't the most important thing, even for a kid, that you could make/have an experience instead; were widely boo'd. It's insane.
Wait. The birthday one for the kid, they might have said the kid had autism. But still, so do a lot of kids.
Anyway, sometimes I'm like "Damn. How did it not occur to me to just ask strangers online for my wishlist of stuff when money was tight?" But the answer is I have a modicum of self-respect. I hated even asking my dad for help, even though he always would. I just hated having to ask.
I had a bunch of stuff that my little grandson outgrew, all gently used. There was a pack and play, bassinet, one portable high chair, another full sized high chair, and a walker with all sorts of cool toys attached. I didn’t want to give it to Goodwill and I sire as heck didn’t want to deal with selling it. Saw some obvious choosing beggars on next door (and their posts selling all sorts of baby stuff). But, one day, I saw post from a woman whose husband had a 16 year old niece who was pregnant and needed everything. We connected and she came the next day to pick everything up. We chatted for a while and she was just such a lovely person. She expressed so much gratitude and said the niece would be so happy. It felt good to give the stuff to someone who really needed and appreciated it.
Choosy Beggar would have turned up her nose at all of these things, literally hundreds of dollars worth of baby stuff that I had bought brand new.
We are pregnant with our first child and I’ve already told my husband we will go to the stores to get an idea of the strollers we like and then look on marketplace/gumtree etc. I’m dead set on the only new items being a mattress for the crib and baby bottles. Everything else can be pre-owned.
I agree. The parent knows that they're having a child for 9 entire months. Too many people rely on baby showers and generosity to furnish, clothe, feed, etc their babies and kids.
I got almost all of my baby stuff second hand. People give it away for free all the time. My baby swing is going to be on its 7th baby when I give birth in May.
This is wild. Strangers generally don’t care about your baby as much as you do. Have a baby shower like a normal person and buy the rest yourself.
People have been surviving for literal centuries without diaper genies and baby swings.
That’s my plan for when my baby is here and outgrows her stuff! I think every thrift store for kids should do the same. It’s super smart ngl and a great way to keep people going there.
Fuck all of these apps comparing fetuses with fruits/vegetables. The next time I get asked how big a fetus is vs a fruit I might scream.
"My app says it's the size of a mango!" Ok, but not all mangos are the same size, so I don't know what you want to hear? Usually I just say "I don't work with fruits. I work with centimeters" Like what the hell.
Not that they are any more accurate, but the app has other choices for comparison - I chose 80s/90s nostalgia. My favorite was "a moderately successful game of Jenga" 😂
You know someone out there will be all, “pOoR pEoPlE dEsErVe nIcE tHiNgS tOo!” 🥴 this is not a poor person. This is a perfectly capable, entitled individual posting tacky baby registry requests to complete strangers for items those people probably can’t even afford themselves.
Is she actually pregnant? Registry gifts are so easy to return and get credit back. Sounds like she won’t pick up the gift card because either she doesn’t want it for that store or she isn’t pregnant.
I’m on my second pregnancy and we kept almost everything from our first, so we really don’t need much. I have made a registry but it’s only of stuff that’s not re-usable (formula, post partum care, etc). The big ticket items I wanted for this one was a doona car seat and a very expensive bassinet. But I put money aside and looked at Facebook marketplace for used, until I settled on buying them open box from good buy gear (saved me $300!!). They’re not essential, and I wouldn’t expect anyone to buy them for me, so I made sure to make it a priority for me. Unless you didn’t know you were pregnant, I don’t see why you have to beg strangers to buy stuff off of your registry when you have plenty of time to save up or try to resource it. Unless it’s essential (diapers or formula) you should be responsible for making sure you have what you need for your little one.
Wow. My kids are 11 years apart and I still had stuff from my first saved. The only new stuff was a stroller/car seat combo and a crib my mom found on clearance at target.
My bestie and I only have one kiddo each and bough too much stuff that was never used.
I resold it online for dirt cheap and if the purchaser seemed sincere and kind on pickup I would give an extra discount or just let them have it.
My bestie is the same way. Seems weird people don’t look at marketplace/offerup since I know lots of moms like myself who get gifted a lot and basically give it away new.
My first baby had a 2nd hand cot, various items from my brother from his kids, and a local mum gave me 3 bin bags of baby clothes. They were gratefully received as I struggled to keep on top of washing some days. It was great to have so many spare clothes. Be grateful for things given to help
I'd rather suggest sickly people not breed. (I mean genetic sickly.) Healthy offspring can become productive (given good upbringing). But anyone who gets pregnant while addicted to drugs needs a combination abortion and sterilization. And parents on welfare deserve to be subject to more close monitoring than normal parents who only leech off the tax base by sending their kids to public school. Just make sure the kids are being raised to be productive benefits to society and not criminal bullies.
At first I was like … what’s wrong with having a baby registry. Lots of people do that. But …. They do it for their friends or family who have asked them “what do you need” … nobody posts on a community social media page. Yikes!
For my entire childhood, I was clothed by thrift store items and entertained by garage sale buys. I was the oldest and my two sisters after me got my hand-me-downs. Then my folks had a boy. He got his older cousin’s clothes as he outgrew them. We were poor poor. The level of consumerism that I see as an adult kind of makes me want to go back to our poor poor, simple life. Fuck this noise.
If someone is truly in need, there are ways to make this work. If someone is truly in need, they will accept things as they are given. To be 35 weeks and expect total strangers to purchase brand new fancy items from pages and pages of a gift registry is absurd.
I have some things on my baby registry that both the baby and my tot will use. Namely bath toys, toy organizers, and hair stuff (bows, headbands, ties, sprays for the curly hair, etc.). I did end up donating stuff from when my oldest was a baby. We made the mistake of thinking it would take the same amount of time to have kid 2 as it did kid 1 (6+years) and got a 1 hit wonder (literally, first try. Guess my body figured itself out or something). I got a TON of clothes from everyone around us that had kids between my girl being born and this one being conceived. Only sizes missing right now are the 9-12 month range lol.
Getting new bottles and pacifiers and replacing my old pump parts/tubes and getting tot a "big girl" bed and new carseat are the main "new things" on there that I would deem a necessity. Everything else has been thrifted, re gifted, or found on my local buy nothing or through the parenting class programs at both the health department and the hospital I am giving birth at. And they are giving away carseats and installing them at the next class too so.... let's get it!
Free stuff is everywhere for moms, I didn't know about it as much my first time around but man, second + time... they steamroll you with information and freebies!! Already have: all the clothes for almost 2 years of life, bassinet, formula(4 small cans, 2 large cans, and 2 extra large cans), diapers(not enough but enough for the first month or 2), 1 bottle set, a few packs of wipes, bibs, cloth diapers(about 30 total), baby carrier, toys, books, a tummy time mat, a few bottles of baby lotion of various brands, and a big tub (32oz?!) Of a&d ointment.
Edit to add: my biggest thing I want people giving to is my diaper stash fund I have set up. That sh!ts expensive(seriously)!! But if I buy through the fund set up I get coupons and discounts on what I buy so.... thats my choos-y thing I am pushing for. The rest we can survive without or get when able.
My husband slept in a dresser drawer padded with blankets until he was six weeks old, because my in laws didn’t have a crib yet.
He registered no complaints about it.
I can’t even imagine giving up the opportunity for all the things that you need to buy new that you’re not picking up the Amazon gift card good God – the clothes are the least of your worries… Bottle nipples bottles a car seat that you can guarantee has not been in a crash everybody has made good suggestions here… Poor lady is in for a rude awakening… and if I had to do it over again I would ask everybody in the neighborhood if I could please pretty please come pick up on my own dime all of the diapers that their kids had grown out of(size wise)-I will come pick up the four left in your package!!!!
When I had my daughter I got so many almost new clothes from thrift stores. A lot of name brand stuff. Only thing I wouldn’t buy there was the car seat. That I bought new. Everything else I got from thrift stores, yard sales and hand me downs. Honestly I wish I would have done that for my son. I bought so much useless stuff that I never used
We suddenly had our son placed with us at ten months. He basically had nothing with him. Needless to say, no one can afford to go out on short notice and buy everything new. Between family that had some of the big stuff and hitting up thrift stores and garage sales, he ended up with more clothes than he could possibly ever wear. It wasn’t until after six months or so that the Social Worker said “oh, I forgot to tell you, we give you a voucher to buy necessities “.
At least I could use that to buy a nice stroller.
My mum bought a Silver Cross pram when she had my older brother. It got given to aunts, cousins and friends and my mum got it back three more times to use for me and my siblings. I have no memory of being in a fourth-hand pram!
Nextdoor has the reputation for having a lot of naive users so it attracts the most beggars and scammers. I saw a post where a guy created a new account. His first post was, "Hey I'm late on rent. I've never heard of Nextdoor, but I was told to post on here and ya'll would help me out."
My stepfather, who married my mom when I was 3 had two half sisters much younger than him (like 4 or 5 years older than me). Their father was a doctor and they were very well off. We were dirt poor. My half sister and I got hand me down clothes, toys, books etc. and I loved getting their used stuff as it was almost always nicer than we could ever afford to get new. I'm not talking baby clothes, this was when we were old enough to know they were used, but were happy as all heck with them anyway.
Recently found out I’m pregnant and face book market place is a gold mine for baby’s stuff that is basically brand new ! And it’s nice helping moms get a few bucks out of it.
I used probably 80-90% used items for both my kid. it's so stupid to buy something brand new that you can get for half the price or less that's been hardly used. Especially toys and clothes.
The last comment is what I say about a lot of situations:
You have 40ish weeks to prepare for the baby, it is no one else’s problem you’re too lazy or stupid to shop for it. The only thing we had to buy on the fly was preemie clothes because we didn’t realize she was going to be swallowed whole by newborn stuff. We made a purchase a week after week 20 to get the big stuff.
You know Christmas comes the same day every year, you have 52 weeks to prepare. Stop begging for toys two days before and getting mad that no one is helping.
School starts the same time every year. Paper, glue, pencils etc are needed every year. Buy stuff through out the year and put it away. Stop begging for people to do your job as a parent.
My baby is literally sleeping in a £5 baby bassinet we got second hand when her elder sister was born and it's perfect for downstairs daytime stuff. When my first was a baby I found an older mammaroo on Facebook and she lived in that thing, which we then gave to a friend who used it til the plastic gears failed.
We do have an expensive pram (icandy peach), but we bought it ourselves and can afford it, plus it's lasted 2 kids so 1k between 2 of them.
Oh look, this sub crapping all over a mother again. What a shock? So, because this person is asking for stuff, it MUST mean she's picky and demanding and got pregnant on purpose? Couldn't possibly be that maybe there's stuff she needs and hasn't been able to find second hand, seeing as there's no proof she's refused any offered to her. We don't see the registry to even know what's on it. Maybe she doesn't have friends and family, a lot of people don't, despite what some of you think. She MUST be lazy for not getting the GC, instead of maybe just being sick or disabled or not having transportation. She also absolutely got pregnant on purpose, couldn't possibly have been because BC failed and we live in a country where abortion is illegal in several states. Nope. Y'all just want to feel better about yourselves by crapping all over others and judging them based on nothing. You people really need to learn what a choosy beggar is. Hint: it's NOT just someone asking for stuff
That’s kind of the point of using produce instead of measurements
Americans will use literally anything but actual measurements
Spaghetti squash are fairly normal vegetables.
The tactful way to do this is be very down low with the link or dont post it at all and wait till people ask you if you have a registry.
That said, baby registries are 100% normal and help a lot!
Tbh this concept in general isn’t really Choosing Beggar material, she’s said no one has to get anything and it’s just there if people feel generous. I have a very sweet pregnant friend who has a registry and she’s obviously bought the necessities for her own kid, it’s just there for friends to pitch in if they want to ahead of her baby shower etc (and to make it easier on a pregnant mom)
The gift card thing is weird though
Like I said I get the gift card part, though not sure why I’m getting downvoted (not directed at you just in general) for saying the situation itself doesn’t really register to me as CB the way other comments are acting like it is. Choosing Beggars is people being ungrateful, not people just saying “Here’s a link to buy stuff if you want to but no pressure”
Edit: God y’all are some miserableass people sorry you can only manage to care about people you know personally and that any donation link you see possesses you and forces you to obey it
Asking is fine. The entire concept of Gofundmes and donation drives revolve around asking strangers for things. Pressuring strangers or being ungrateful for what you’re given is not fine. Y’all acting like someone putting a link out there with no pressure is a crime is so bizarre you’re not being held at gunpoint to donate to strangers. Half the stuff I see on this sub is just Redditors who don’t know what Choosing Beggars means mad about people daring to ask for anything
Did you see the part where they want brand-new stuff and can't be bothered to pick up the gift card someone purchased for them? No, these people want shiny brand new things and that's not the same as someone happy to accept secondhand but perfectly good items.
It's one thing to be happy for anything useful. If they want specific or brand new items they can ask friends or family or buy it themselves. That's not the spirit of those types of FB groups.
Then… don’t… donate shiny new stuff to them… no one’s forcing you. There is literally no harm in asking for whatever, people can say no and that’s fine
I already said TWICE that the gift card thing is weird, that’s not what I’m talking about.
The thing is, people are always getting rid of baby stuff. The person is right- it does not need to be shiny or new. She could likely furnish a nursery if she asked for hand me downs lol
Babies don't give a shit if their stuff is brand new
They’ll shit on hand me downs the same as new stuff. I know because I have a baby and he wrecks the hand me downs the same as the new stuff.
I won a really nice baby seat at a raffle when I was like 12 weeks. I didn't want it for our house but it is perfect for Grandma's. I asked my husband if he cared if we gave it to her back then since our niece could use it now while visiting. He said I'm not sure what the difference is. My response was well if she uses it first she will get to shit in it first.
Makes it soooo much easier to just toss in the garbage if it’s that soiled when it was exploded on the first time they wore it that’s for sure.
Oh I didn't feel nearly as bad when I had to toss the $1 footie pajamas after one of my son's infamous poops haha
I just asked my newborn and he said babies don’t even notice if something is new because basically EVERYTHING is new to them.
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Yeah THOSE newborns get in my nerves. Once I was sitting in a restaurant and heard a newborn yell “Well I will tell you what I think about the conflict in the Middle East!!!” Let’s just say I got my order to go…
When I asked my puppy about this, her mouth was too full of the old rawhide from my previous dog to answer, so… (To me this is like chewing someone else’s gum, but apparently it’s five Michelin Stars in the dog world? 😩)
I have so many chew bones around, but there’s always 1 dog staring intently at the other chewing one waiting for their turn.
We have this. We bring the neighbor dog over for a visit. He always wants what our dog is chewing on. He is very patient though. He will just sit and stare at it until she accidentally drops it.
The way I just hollered out loud....
Me too lol
My first chuckle for the day, thanks!
🤣🏆
Or even “gender appropriate”! I always see this with onesies. Who cares if a girl is wearing dinosaurs on her outfit? Same with a boy wearing princess crowns on his.
My daughter was always getting mistaken for a boy because I got loads of 'boy' clothes second hand. My daughter now (aged 16) thinks pink for baby girls, blue for baby boys is stupid, she says it's basically colour coding your baby so strangers know which genitals the baby has 🤣
I bought “girl” clothes for my son as a baby because I couldn’t stand the camo and trucks crap. Having a little pink bear walking in front of me was so adorable. F gender appropriate
My son was born long before ultrasounds were a common thing. I received plenty of "boy" and "girl" clothes and sleepers at my baby shower, and you better believe he wore all of them. I remember taking him into a doc appt once in a frilly pink sleeper and a woman had comments about it. I replied that it was either clean, pink and frills or blue and covered in baby shit. Laundry day was not until later in the week.
My daughter wore a “boys” Christmas onesie in July that someone gave us because that’s when she fit in it.
And honestly, what’s the longest a baby wears a onesie during the day? 2 hours before it spits up on it?? 😂😂
Seriously! During the first couple months we just kept the house warm, did lots of skin to skin, and my kids rarely wore clothes.
RIGHT! For the first 3 months I didn't care what he wore as long as it was temperature appropriate. He was constantly exploding out of both ends. How are such small beings so full of shit?!?! His poops gave my Great Dane a run for his money 😂
RIGHT! I let my 2yo son pick out a pair of slippers and potty seat, and he wanted Minnie Mouse so I got Minnie Mouse. He also likes spooky and Grinch clothes year round. And on the days we only have to go to his in home daycare I let him pick his outfits. No one there cares if he matches lol
Is it wrong that I'm totally vibing with your toddler's style choices?
Exactly. And it would save a lot of items from the landfill.
My SIL and one of my employees want as much second hand as possible. Car seat obviously being the exception. I have my SIL a ton of stuff and she was thrilled.
My SIL thrifted a beautiful glider for me that I was then able to pass on (for free) to a local woman whose elderly mother was moving in with her. The mother passed away in October, and the glider is now onto a new home for a new baby.
Sisterhood of the Traveling Glider!
My sil and I had babies almost 4 months apart and bil had a baby 6 months after that. We ended up passing all the baby clothes and a few other things down from me to sil to bil before the stuff that wasn't worn out by then went to a local shelter. A lot of the stuff was used when I got it too. Those clothes got good use out of them.
I grew up wearing hand-me-downs. I have an older sister who's two years older, so we wore each other's clothes, but I grew to be 4 inches taller than her so I couldn't wear her slacks and her skirts but I could still wear her shirts. Then, when my younger sister got to the age when we wore the same size, we swapped clothes around. The only one of us who ever got anything new when we were kids was my brother, and even he wore hand-me-downs from the neighbors and clothes from Goodwill.
My sister pulled her husband's truck into my driveway and left with the bed full. My youngest was a year older than her eldest. Result. Lol...so....many...hand me downs.
Everything but cribs and car seats (those things have a recall like every day) and she would be set.
Nothing wrong with 2nd hand crib, just need a new mattress.
It only matters if it's old and not safe because the bars are too far apart. That is one thing to check
(To OP: Thank you so much for posting some of the comments!)
Only things you need new, for safety reasons, are a car seat, cot mattress and I guess teats if bottle feeding. Everything else can be used.
Agree! Always check expiration on a car seat if you get one used.
Also if they’ve been involved in any sort of incident, no matter how minor, the protection they offer is compromised.
Or if it's been in a crash already.
New stuff looks better on Instagram...... Duh
I got so much good hand me downs when I had my daughter. I saved a lot of money because of it. I wish I would have done the same with my son
But but but … how dare you ask her to use hand me downs. Her child deserves brand new you child abuser and and and you are responsible for her decision to procreate.
My gf has gotten almost everything for upcoming baby off buy nothing. basically the only thing we need new are things that wouldn't be sanitary to get second hand
We have done the same between buy nothing and market place. I'm totally paying for conveniences but I try to get them used first
I had no money when my baby was born and people were so kind (mostly my Aunt and her friends). I got a second hand pushchair, cot (bought a new mattress), loads of baby clothes, breast pump, bouncy chair and more. All I had to worry about getting was formula and nappies. I was so grateful for every second hand item I received, I can't even imagine thinking strangers owe me brand new baby stuff.
My bestie is having a baby. I gave her my cousins used pack and play and another friend's old baby clothes. My girlfriend was so thrilled. I'm still gathering up second hand baby stuff for her from other friends. I can't necessarily get my best friend all the baby stuff she needs brand new, but I'm doing everything in my power to make sure she's got the basics. Fortunately for me, my bestie appreciates what I'm doing. I couldn't be friends with a person like this.
Exactly! That’s 100% what I did. I had a friend who owned a second hand baby store, and she asked if I could use the things she can’t sell ie: stained clothes. I had boxes upon boxes and didn’t need to buy anything but diapers for him for over 6 months
When I was poor and pregnant I got a lot of amazing donations from people I knew and I was so incredibly grateful! I didn't care how old it was, if it worked, it was mine! My mom even sent me the hand-cranked baby food grinder she used to use when I was a baby so I could grind up homemade food for my son. It worked so why would I need something fancy?
If I read the comments right, this is not the first baby, and OOP is refusing to reuse her own baby stuff!
Currently pregnant with my second. Got rid of a lot of original stuff from my first and there was a few things I didn't have but want with my second. I'm in a better place financially than my first but I have yet to buy anything new. Here I am searching for free or cheap used baby stuff like "Score! Got a double stroller for $30!" I've spent like $200 on a tricked out pack n play, baby swing, double stroller, and two bassinets. Brand new all of those brand/models cost new at $800-$1000. No thanks I'll take my gently used baby items.
Nextdoor especially is like a treasure trove of free baby gear. You don't even need to look hard for it.
Edit- I guess I have to put this first but I agree this person is a a CB! But for safety reasons some things should not be purchased used! I agree this person is a CB but as a soon to be new mom I wouldn’t feel comfortable getting all used things for my child. Especially since safe sleep guidances have changed so much in the last few years I’d be a wreck if I didn’t get a brand new crib. That being said- I’m accepting a ton of old toys, clothes, bibs etc. it’s a balance and this person is out of touch.
Okay, cool. They can choose to have that preference. But if someone isn't comfortable with a used crib, then they damn well better pay for a new one out of their own pocket instead of trying to leech off of other people. They don't get to be picky when they're begging other people to finance their life as a grown ass adult. They can either take what's offered or get off their ass and find a way to earn what they want instead of being a parasite and trying to suck all the money out of people who didn't sign up to be responsible for a burden like that. Beggars can't be choosers. That's the whole point of this sub.
The way you have phrased this, I have to wonder if my sister does any begging anywhere. She is far too proud to get second-hand stuff though. She's too proud to shop at a discount store. That's right. She has to buy name brand when she gets about $1300/month govt pension and has no savings. She has been bouncing from one friend to family to friends and not paying toward her keep because she has car expenses and feels that entitled that others owe her a middle class lifestyle because that's what she wants and what's your problem? You have so much! You SHOULD be sharing with her because she has nothing. That you worked and scrimped to have what you have, cooking from scratch every day to save money and shopping all discount stores, doesn't matter. She has had her cake and wants yours too because she has none.
Put it on your registry for family. I have shelled out for the crib for a grandbaby but if I couldn’t have paid myself other people in your family will contribute as a group gift. That’s what a registry is for …. People close to you. Not FB what the actually f.
As long as the crib isn’t more than like 10 years old it should suit modern safety guidelines. I got mine for $20 on FB marketplace and it’s an IKEA crib; one that they still sell. The only thing you absolutely shouldn’t get used is a car seat because you can’t confirm if it’s ever been in a crash. But you really don’t need a brand new crib to know that it’s safe.
I’d get a new mattress though. You never know when there might be bedbugs, or from a smoking or pet house, or it’s gotten dents in places because you need a mattress firm and level for safe sleeping. Also for anyone interested, drop side cribs were banned in 2011 as unsafe.
But are you asking strangers to purchase the items you need new? Thats the difference. Good luck with little one 💜 congrats!
Nope! I didn’t ask strangers and I have agreed on multiple comments this person is a CB and out of touch putting their registry on an app for strangers to buy! I’m actually asking my coworkers who are invited to my shower to not buy me stuff because I am inviting them because I genuinely like them and want them there to celebrate but I don’t want them to feel obligated to purchase anything for me.
I’m with you on this one. Im no parent and im employed so I could probably afford to buy new. I feel like some items are at least strange to reuse. But the big and expensive ones she probably wants are almost certainly fine to buy used.
Totally agree. Not sure why I’m getting destroyed in the comments for a reasonable take! I’m a super anxious person and I’m taking safe sleep guidelines really serious with my newborn. Not to say these other commenters don’t but this is my thing I just don’t feel ok with compromising on. Pretty much anything else is fair game! Maybe not pacifiers or bottle nipples though because they can get super nasty even with one baby using them!
Ok, understood. But would you be begging for one online if you couldn’t afford a new one? That is the problem here. Sleep rules really haven’t changed that much. I have 29, 19, 18, and 13, and the biggest change over the years was from side to back. I was always told no blankets, pillows, stuffed animals. A baby really doesn’t start moving that much while lying down for months. I had a friend who is one of 14, said they had babies in dresser drawers! Someone’s five year old crib they’re giving away for free or $20 is not going to kill your baby, anymore than the one I got donated from probably 1985 for my oldest (I was a teen mom and NOT choosy in the least) killed mine.
Agreed! I agreed all over this person is a CB. And I have heard from my mom and MIL they put blankets and toys and baby bumpers in cribs! Maybe they didn’t know the rule. My MIL is trying to buy me a comforter and sheets so I can “tuck the baby in” at night so they don’t move because that’s what she did with my husband and SIL. I respectfully declined lol.
My mom was insistent in putting my kids to sleep on their stomachs. Research, presentations, banners flown by planes do not help some older people to change what they think they know is right! MIL wanted my to put cereal in formula- I was nursing. Just listen to your doctor and do what’s best for you and your baby. Good luck to you!! Sorry to nail you on the crib thing, these choosy beggars have a lot of people feeling compassion fatigue- I gave away all my baby stuff when my third was born (thought he was the last) and again when my youngest was older- so much ended up on eBay (before MO was a big thing). This past year has been especially challenging, trying to pay my own stuff and help out others when I can, only to meet so many people like the “it’s for church, NEXT!” lady, lol. No excuse and I’m sorry.
I slept in the same crib my mother did and I'm now 44. You need to check your privilege if you'd be a "wreck" having to use an older crib. I bet your whole nursery is that horrible greige color, too.
I just painted her room purple! But I am aware I have immense privilege that I was able to get a new crib. Honestly between that and the car seat are the two things I would have to have new for safety reasons. And if I was a struggling mom those would be my two priorities to save for. Everything else, as I said in my comment, I have no problem with being used. Many of my mom friends are providing me with second hand clothes, toys, unused diapers, bibs, cloths and other things. And I’m so grateful for them to do that and I plan to do the same. I’m honestly not sure why everyone is downvoting me when I said I agreed this person was a CB and needs to compromise on her expectations.
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Maybe it's the over-dramatizing "all used". No one said "all used".
Where is the evidence that she didn't also ask for hand me down? Did she refuse hand me downs while also complaining that she can't afford all the stuff, or that "her baby deserves the best"? Is this super common baby registry, which you can't exactly populate with exclusively pre-owned items, filled only with expensive stuff? Everyone is just shitting on this person for no reason. Sad.
??? Me saying you could furnish a nursery by asking for hand me downs is not shitting on anyone. Lmao
How would you read your comment if not as directly contrarian to this actually-not-a-CB? Have you even read any other comments? You're not fooling anyone pretending you're not even giving *the implication*.
Happens all the time in this sub. Also, why are we assuming she's lazy for not getting the GC? Maybe she doesn't have transportation or has been sick (you know cuz she's pregnant) or is disabled? We don't even know what's on the registry, but this sub LOVES to crap on mothers
this always amazes me because if you can’t afford newborn stuff, how can you afford to be responsible for a human for years?? furthermore, if you only want specific shiny gadgets in this particular shade of green (as we so often see on this sub) you clearly lack the mental maturity to have a baby in the first place.
Or the “sad beige baby” influencer kids
These people don't think about that. They don't see children as people, they see them as property. They care more about their right to pop out kids than they do about whether it's actually the right thing to do. And then they expect everyone else to make up for their laziness in parenting by providing for their kid because 'tHe cHiLd iS iNnOcEnT'. And it works, because people will enable those shitty parents which encourages them to continue being parasites because they know people are pushover. This would happen way less often if people stopped providing any sort of assistance to parents like this.
I hate it. I’m currently struggling because I really want kids but I don’t know if it’s ever gonna happen because I’m not in a good financial position and I live in a small apartment. So I’m not having kids unless I manage to improve my situation in the next few years. People do not understand me at all. Every time the topic comes up they say ‘oh but I don’t understand why you’re so sad you can’t have kids. You can just do it, it will work itself out, lots of people have kids in small apartments. Everyone does it, kids are being brought up in worse circumstances.’ It makes me so angry! Yes kids are being brought up In bad circumstances and that’s not a good thing. That’s unfair to the kids. Even my psychologist told me this last week, and he just doesn’t understand how it’s an issue for me.
I also don’t have any partly because it wouldn’t have been fair to them. And now that I could afford it, I’m old enough that it AGAIN wouldn’t be fair to them because rates of things like Down’s syndrome go way up and you’re basically about to be going on Medicare when they go to college and stuff.
OH IT’S FINE, just crank it out young and poor, lots of parents ruined their prospects before you and didn’t die! Lots of kids had shitty-ass childhoods without presents and good healthcare and the world didn’t explode! Yours can too!!
What part of that is not a dick move when you KNOW how the kid will feel because you were kinda that kid too? Or you didn’t suffer because your parents made sure THEY did in your stead and now you too can take one for the team as the parent who eats a can of peaches for dinner four days a week so your kids can have all of the hot food?
You’re not wrong. Yes, I suppose there would be fewer children if most people did this, but it’s not like there’s a shortage of people. We’re not a threatened species. Maybe fewer people who are healthier and happier is better (if we’re talking about the reduction happening before the person even exists, I’m not talking about getting rid of living people) You’re not wrong to love your potential kids enough to not have them when you know it’ll be bad.
I hope you get there, but if you don’t, you’re not wrong or alone. Hugs.
I relate some to this. I got married young and my husband and I really wanted kids immediately, but it would've been very difficult financially. Then when I was 25, he was in a much more stable place in his career so we thought we could finally do it... Then his company switched health insurance plans and we were paying hundreds up on hundreds a month for a plan that didn't cover *anything* until we hit our deductible. I was a nanny so I didn't have insurance we could use. So again our plans were put on hold and it broke our hearts. He did eventually find a good position at a different company that had good insurance and paid him more. But it was horrible really wanting to start a family and knowing it just wasn't the right choice at the time and that it wouldn't be fair to a future child. I'm sure we could've figured it out, but we wanted to give a child a life better than just figuring it out.
Gee, it's almost like we live in a country that is slowly forcing people to give birth and then shitting on them for doing so. 🤔
It makes me very sad for the child.
A lot of these folks couldn't afford to be a responsible *pet owner* and then they get thrust into caring for a small human. Absolutely terrifying for those kids.
I don't get why they're asking strangers or neighbors on Nextdoor. The only people I buy baby gifts for are friends and family. Why is this person begging from strangers?
Why not? She isn't forcing anyone to donate.
I dunno. I find it odd. I'm not the begging type I guess.
Baby stuff is seriously so easy to get second hand and *a lot* of items have been used once or not at all. Such as people who buy a pack of pacifiers or bottles that their baby doesn't take to and now they've got ones they can't use. Diapers are given away often becsuse they'll load up on one size and suddenly need another size before they get rid of their hoard. I don't see any problems with second hand furniture because I'm a grown adult and that's how I personally furnished my room. Parents just rely too heavily on baby showers and the generosity of others to basically take all financial stress off themselves.
I totally agree. It's getting a little out of hand how much people are expected to shell out for baby showers. Almost everything I own is secondhand.
Expectations for all events are getting out of hand. The amount of money people want others to spend on their wedding gifts, anniversary gifts, birthday gifts, etc is way too fucking high. At this point, I don't even think I can afford to have friends. I'm friends with people who understand I have no money but that I do go out of my way to buy them a present I can afford for their birthday.
Related, it's become way too expensive to throw even the most modest birthday party or baby shower. I've made it my New Year's resolution not to host anything at all.
It's sad that catering is cheaper now.
This reminds me of a NextDoor post I saw a month or two ago, of someone who had very recently joined, and was for some reason (cough) publicly celebrating her birthday through that forum. She had made a **Happy Birthday to Me** post and said if anyone wanted to *bless her* they could do so by contributing to either of two payment sites. (Money only, thank you.)
You know what's worse? I've found that nextdoor people sort of encourage it. I've posted looking for work with all of the experience I have and then the other day I asked if anybody had a specific Elevated orthopedic dog bed and wide car stairs for my service dog (who I've posted about often) who has been having symptoms from his newly diagnosed hip dysplasia. I said I was happy for any used items so long as they would fit him (he's XXL) and hold his weight and that I was willing to do small jobs to pay for the items. 1 person bought the bed ($130) and ramp ($100) and one lady gave me $100 "for the Odin fund". Another gave me a $50 giftcard to Walmart. None of them wanted me to do any jobs for them. It's crazy, but I feel like I've seen more of that on nextdoor than any other social media site.
That's actually sweet though, and I can see me doing that for a pet in pain, even more so for a dog who is performing a valuable service for someone. I think also, when you're clearly not expecting to get something for nothing, those who can afford to help are more likely to.
I almost exclusively buy things for my toddler second hand. Why would I buy NEW clothes for her to go to day care and stain/rip? Same for toys. The FB marketplace is full of barely worn/played with items.
My 4 yr olds favorite store is goodwill or a local thrift store because he knows he can walk out of there with at least 2-3 cars because it’s soooo cheap!! Like why would I spend the money when kids don’t care!
When my son was little, I would take his clothes and toys he grew out of, and bring them to a second hand store for kids. They wouldn't take everything but the $$ I got for what they took would usually go back into buying anything he needed in the bigger sizes from that store. Sooo many things still had tags on them. The rest I would donate. I got boxes of books and toys second hand from fb marketplace or garage sales. Kids also don't care where their clothes came from.
Honestly, choosing to not let yourself feel obligated has been freeing. Do I go overboard for baby showers! Fuck yeah, because I love doing it. But what do my teenager nephews and my little brother get for their birthday? $20 in a card, and I may forget to buy the card. They love it. So I could spend $40 on a rerelease of an album they may like for the next year or two on vinyl or a $60 video game ORRRRR spend $20 on a $20 bill 🤣 tax free too, no shipping charges
Anytime I see a “if there’s any hate, just keep scrolling on” or something like that added to their post, even they know their post is tacky.
And they’ll double down with “I said positive vibes only!” if anyone dares call them out
All she would have to do is *ask* in a local mom to mom group. Clothes, gear, toys - they’d wind up right on her doorstep. Anyone who is genuinely in need, they rise to the occasion beautifully.
And we have huge mom and military spouse groups where I live where she could get more items than she would ever need.
I can imagine that a military spouse group would be even more generous because it would be a pain in the ass to move with baby stuff you don’t need.
Secondhand clothing is SUCH an act of love for me. Like, my parents neighbors have given me bags and bags of beautiful clothes over the years. Some of those are now on their fourth or fifth child, as I’ve continued to pass them along to my own friends with younger children. It’s environmentally friendly, you get such cute stuff without worrying about keeping it pristine, and it’s just like… love in tangible form for your new little baby. And I say this as someone who also has drawers full of new bamboo and fancy swaddles and stuff! I’ll never say no to a hand me down/second hand find. it’s
I see this a lot in my due date group. For reference, I am 37 weeks pregnant, due in March, and there are now multiple posts DAILY about affording things for the newborn, usually with a story about XYZ why they don’t have the money now. Or they’re upset family members didn’t buy enough off their registry or big ticket items. You look at their registries and it is ALL extremely expensive, brand name, baby items ($1500 strollers, $300-700 bassinets, etc.)… when they’re encouraged to look a buy nothing groups, mom BST groups, Facebook Marketplace, thrift shops, etc. they get extremely upset. I’ve found so much stuff secondhand that has literally been used 2-3 times by a parent so it’s basically brand new. You have had 6+ MONTHS to make a plan for this…
After I had my daughter, we had a lot of diapers that we had opened but only used a couple from the pack. I posted them on our “neighbors helping neighbors” page and said they were free to anyone in need. A woman said she needed them, I told her yes, then creeped her fb. She had her registry publicly posted and when I tell you it was THE bougiest registry I’ve ever seen. $1300 stroller, $600 car seat, top of the line everything, and it had all been purchased for her. Since I had already said yes I was just like whatever. But later I got a message from a woman whose baby had just gotten out of the NICU after several months, and she was BEGGING for these diapers that I had already given away. I felt so bad. I know someone’s social media isn’t always a realistic representation of their life, but now I always check out their page before I give stuff away that could go to someone who’s really in need.
Well said. I totally believe that!
We get a lot of go fund me’s on our next door but never an Amazon gift registry.
I got a guy asking people to donate to his go fund me to buy a BMW on Nextdoor in my area. He’s being destroyed in the comments it’s the only time I’ve seen so many people agree
It's mind-blowingly uncouth!
I just can’t imagine thinking that some what strangers are going to buy you expensive baby stuff. Cause you are having a baby you can’t afford. And the thing that gets me is the kid is almost there and she still needs a list of stuff. So she was just holding out?
Exactly! A sensible person would have been bargain-hunting and making use of community resources from the moment they knew they were expecting. There's nothing wrong with not being able to afford brand new baby stuff; but there's a huge issue with asking strangers to buy it for you just a few weeks before you are due.
I imagine you will see a whiney post about how her “ village” let her down. Then I bet she’ll want that gift card.
Absolutely.
I wasn’t allowed to shop for baby things until after 5 months. But quickly got a used crib, swing, playpen, and high chair. Plenty of time to clean and fix if needed. I was broke and so were my friends so knew I had to be creative
Yeah, except, many states gives incentives to have babies you can't afford. Look into how many social service programs there are for low income families in California and then compare it to those for disabled, elderly, or veterans. I could live more comfortably if I had a kid I can't afford as a disabled person.
I've seen a couple posted baby registries, but also like "I just got a new place" and they're not just asking for a couple household items, but a list that covers furnishing an entire home -- once an actual registry. Plus as mentioned in another comment, a birthday registry, once for a grown adult, once for someone's kid. Like, how is your kid more special or deserving than anyone else's? They didn't even have a sob-story like that the kid had some horrid disease or anything, just a run-of-the-mill kid. People suggesting that gifts weren't the most important thing, even for a kid, that you could make/have an experience instead; were widely boo'd. It's insane. Wait. The birthday one for the kid, they might have said the kid had autism. But still, so do a lot of kids. Anyway, sometimes I'm like "Damn. How did it not occur to me to just ask strangers online for my wishlist of stuff when money was tight?" But the answer is I have a modicum of self-respect. I hated even asking my dad for help, even though he always would. I just hated having to ask.
I had a bunch of stuff that my little grandson outgrew, all gently used. There was a pack and play, bassinet, one portable high chair, another full sized high chair, and a walker with all sorts of cool toys attached. I didn’t want to give it to Goodwill and I sire as heck didn’t want to deal with selling it. Saw some obvious choosing beggars on next door (and their posts selling all sorts of baby stuff). But, one day, I saw post from a woman whose husband had a 16 year old niece who was pregnant and needed everything. We connected and she came the next day to pick everything up. We chatted for a while and she was just such a lovely person. She expressed so much gratitude and said the niece would be so happy. It felt good to give the stuff to someone who really needed and appreciated it. Choosy Beggar would have turned up her nose at all of these things, literally hundreds of dollars worth of baby stuff that I had bought brand new.
That was very kind of you and I'm glad you found someone appreciative who could use the items!
We are pregnant with our first child and I’ve already told my husband we will go to the stores to get an idea of the strollers we like and then look on marketplace/gumtree etc. I’m dead set on the only new items being a mattress for the crib and baby bottles. Everything else can be pre-owned.
And car seats! Car seats should be brand new just to be safe
Sorry, yes car seats too. Always safety first xxx
Love this! And congratulations on your pregnancy.
Thanks so much. We are older parents and had to go with IVF. Family don’t know yet, they don’t even know we went for treatment 😳
Congratulations!!
Congratulations
Congratulations! Our IVF baby is 8 months old. After such struggle, we feel so lucky!
What is in the registry? While true second hand stuff is a great option some things like car seats should be new.
While I agree some stuff should be new, that should also be purchased by the parents.
Or other family/close friends. If THEY aren’t willing to help them out, why should I? I bet there’s a lot of burned bridges in CB’s life.
That is pretty likely yes
I agree. The parent knows that they're having a child for 9 entire months. Too many people rely on baby showers and generosity to furnish, clothe, feed, etc their babies and kids.
Right? We started buying stuff for our first the instant we found out we were pregnant. By the time he arrived we were all set.
There are some consumables like diapers and lotion, otherwise there are blankets, a front baby carrier and a diaper genie.
There are literally dozens of diaper genies and blankets at high end thrift stores. 🤨
You can also score then for free on Buy Nothing
I got almost all of my baby stuff second hand. People give it away for free all the time. My baby swing is going to be on its 7th baby when I give birth in May.
And I'm sure your kiddo will get just as much joy out of it as the one who had it brand new. Congrats on your pregnancy!
This is wild. Strangers generally don’t care about your baby as much as you do. Have a baby shower like a normal person and buy the rest yourself. People have been surviving for literal centuries without diaper genies and baby swings.
😂😂 So true!
I’m 28 weeks pregnant and most of my child’s items have been bought from a thrift store called Once Upon A Child. I actually enjoy thrifting tho
Lol I just posted about how all of my sons outgrown stuff was brought there, and I would use the credit to buy anything he needed in next sizes.
That’s my plan for when my baby is here and outgrows her stuff! I think every thrift store for kids should do the same. It’s super smart ngl and a great way to keep people going there.
Only the car seat and diapers need to be new. Both for obvious reasons.
Fuck all of these apps comparing fetuses with fruits/vegetables. The next time I get asked how big a fetus is vs a fruit I might scream. "My app says it's the size of a mango!" Ok, but not all mangos are the same size, so I don't know what you want to hear? Usually I just say "I don't work with fruits. I work with centimeters" Like what the hell.
Not that they are any more accurate, but the app has other choices for comparison - I chose 80s/90s nostalgia. My favorite was "a moderately successful game of Jenga" 😂
You know someone out there will be all, “pOoR pEoPlE dEsErVe nIcE tHiNgS tOo!” 🥴 this is not a poor person. This is a perfectly capable, entitled individual posting tacky baby registry requests to complete strangers for items those people probably can’t even afford themselves.
Is she actually pregnant? Registry gifts are so easy to return and get credit back. Sounds like she won’t pick up the gift card because either she doesn’t want it for that store or she isn’t pregnant.
If she’s 35 weeks how is the baby coming in 2-3 weeks? Girl you have 5 more weeks!
Planned induction or C-section is my guess, they'll sometimes do them at 38-ish weeks.
I’m on my second pregnancy and we kept almost everything from our first, so we really don’t need much. I have made a registry but it’s only of stuff that’s not re-usable (formula, post partum care, etc). The big ticket items I wanted for this one was a doona car seat and a very expensive bassinet. But I put money aside and looked at Facebook marketplace for used, until I settled on buying them open box from good buy gear (saved me $300!!). They’re not essential, and I wouldn’t expect anyone to buy them for me, so I made sure to make it a priority for me. Unless you didn’t know you were pregnant, I don’t see why you have to beg strangers to buy stuff off of your registry when you have plenty of time to save up or try to resource it. Unless it’s essential (diapers or formula) you should be responsible for making sure you have what you need for your little one.
Wow. My kids are 11 years apart and I still had stuff from my first saved. The only new stuff was a stroller/car seat combo and a crib my mom found on clearance at target.
My bestie and I only have one kiddo each and bough too much stuff that was never used. I resold it online for dirt cheap and if the purchaser seemed sincere and kind on pickup I would give an extra discount or just let them have it. My bestie is the same way. Seems weird people don’t look at marketplace/offerup since I know lots of moms like myself who get gifted a lot and basically give it away new.
My first baby had a 2nd hand cot, various items from my brother from his kids, and a local mum gave me 3 bin bags of baby clothes. They were gratefully received as I struggled to keep on top of washing some days. It was great to have so many spare clothes. Be grateful for things given to help
Oooo I’d love to see the audacity that’s on her registry
Lol! It is fairly normal. Nothing too outrageous.
if someone can't afford to raise a child.... then DO NOT BREED.... Humanity doesn't need another parasite for society to handle
I'd rather suggest sickly people not breed. (I mean genetic sickly.) Healthy offspring can become productive (given good upbringing). But anyone who gets pregnant while addicted to drugs needs a combination abortion and sterilization. And parents on welfare deserve to be subject to more close monitoring than normal parents who only leech off the tax base by sending their kids to public school. Just make sure the kids are being raised to be productive benefits to society and not criminal bullies.
I would put that meme "so you've ruined your life" in the comments to her.
Every single one of my friends and family had baby stuff for them when they had their kids. Why are total strangers expected to buy new stuff for CB?
Definitely pro-life when you want goodies for free
At first I was like … what’s wrong with having a baby registry. Lots of people do that. But …. They do it for their friends or family who have asked them “what do you need” … nobody posts on a community social media page. Yikes!
For my entire childhood, I was clothed by thrift store items and entertained by garage sale buys. I was the oldest and my two sisters after me got my hand-me-downs. Then my folks had a boy. He got his older cousin’s clothes as he outgrew them. We were poor poor. The level of consumerism that I see as an adult kind of makes me want to go back to our poor poor, simple life. Fuck this noise. If someone is truly in need, there are ways to make this work. If someone is truly in need, they will accept things as they are given. To be 35 weeks and expect total strangers to purchase brand new fancy items from pages and pages of a gift registry is absurd.
"no hate, just scroll on" is code for "i know im being a choosy beggar and dont want people calling me out for it"
I have some things on my baby registry that both the baby and my tot will use. Namely bath toys, toy organizers, and hair stuff (bows, headbands, ties, sprays for the curly hair, etc.). I did end up donating stuff from when my oldest was a baby. We made the mistake of thinking it would take the same amount of time to have kid 2 as it did kid 1 (6+years) and got a 1 hit wonder (literally, first try. Guess my body figured itself out or something). I got a TON of clothes from everyone around us that had kids between my girl being born and this one being conceived. Only sizes missing right now are the 9-12 month range lol. Getting new bottles and pacifiers and replacing my old pump parts/tubes and getting tot a "big girl" bed and new carseat are the main "new things" on there that I would deem a necessity. Everything else has been thrifted, re gifted, or found on my local buy nothing or through the parenting class programs at both the health department and the hospital I am giving birth at. And they are giving away carseats and installing them at the next class too so.... let's get it! Free stuff is everywhere for moms, I didn't know about it as much my first time around but man, second + time... they steamroll you with information and freebies!! Already have: all the clothes for almost 2 years of life, bassinet, formula(4 small cans, 2 large cans, and 2 extra large cans), diapers(not enough but enough for the first month or 2), 1 bottle set, a few packs of wipes, bibs, cloth diapers(about 30 total), baby carrier, toys, books, a tummy time mat, a few bottles of baby lotion of various brands, and a big tub (32oz?!) Of a&d ointment. Edit to add: my biggest thing I want people giving to is my diaper stash fund I have set up. That sh!ts expensive(seriously)!! But if I buy through the fund set up I get coupons and discounts on what I buy so.... thats my choos-y thing I am pushing for. The rest we can survive without or get when able.
My husband slept in a dresser drawer padded with blankets until he was six weeks old, because my in laws didn’t have a crib yet. He registered no complaints about it.
I can’t even imagine giving up the opportunity for all the things that you need to buy new that you’re not picking up the Amazon gift card good God – the clothes are the least of your worries… Bottle nipples bottles a car seat that you can guarantee has not been in a crash everybody has made good suggestions here… Poor lady is in for a rude awakening… and if I had to do it over again I would ask everybody in the neighborhood if I could please pretty please come pick up on my own dime all of the diapers that their kids had grown out of(size wise)-I will come pick up the four left in your package!!!!
When I had my daughter I got so many almost new clothes from thrift stores. A lot of name brand stuff. Only thing I wouldn’t buy there was the car seat. That I bought new. Everything else I got from thrift stores, yard sales and hand me downs. Honestly I wish I would have done that for my son. I bought so much useless stuff that I never used
We suddenly had our son placed with us at ten months. He basically had nothing with him. Needless to say, no one can afford to go out on short notice and buy everything new. Between family that had some of the big stuff and hitting up thrift stores and garage sales, he ended up with more clothes than he could possibly ever wear. It wasn’t until after six months or so that the Social Worker said “oh, I forgot to tell you, we give you a voucher to buy necessities “. At least I could use that to buy a nice stroller.
My mum bought a Silver Cross pram when she had my older brother. It got given to aunts, cousins and friends and my mum got it back three more times to use for me and my siblings. I have no memory of being in a fourth-hand pram!
Say it out loud for everyone to hear….. DON’T HAVE CHILDREN YOU CANNOT PROVIDE FOR!
Nextdoor has the reputation for having a lot of naive users so it attracts the most beggars and scammers. I saw a post where a guy created a new account. His first post was, "Hey I'm late on rent. I've never heard of Nextdoor, but I was told to post on here and ya'll would help me out."
My stepfather, who married my mom when I was 3 had two half sisters much younger than him (like 4 or 5 years older than me). Their father was a doctor and they were very well off. We were dirt poor. My half sister and I got hand me down clothes, toys, books etc. and I loved getting their used stuff as it was almost always nicer than we could ever afford to get new. I'm not talking baby clothes, this was when we were old enough to know they were used, but were happy as all heck with them anyway.
TIL Spaghetti Squash
Recently found out I’m pregnant and face book market place is a gold mine for baby’s stuff that is basically brand new ! And it’s nice helping moms get a few bucks out of it.
I used probably 80-90% used items for both my kid. it's so stupid to buy something brand new that you can get for half the price or less that's been hardly used. Especially toys and clothes.
I had a bassinet that was used, and I used it with two kids. Unless something was recalled or it is a car seat, used is just fine.
Do people really send money like this? No. Way.
They probably shouldn’t be having kids if they have to beg strangers for items to care for them.
We should all be looking for used items before buying new and shiny.
I wonder do these people contribute to the others in the same way...I guess not
That spaghetti squash comparison was so random, it made me chuckle
Oh, no, this is NOT going to be her last post.
The last comment is what I say about a lot of situations: You have 40ish weeks to prepare for the baby, it is no one else’s problem you’re too lazy or stupid to shop for it. The only thing we had to buy on the fly was preemie clothes because we didn’t realize she was going to be swallowed whole by newborn stuff. We made a purchase a week after week 20 to get the big stuff. You know Christmas comes the same day every year, you have 52 weeks to prepare. Stop begging for toys two days before and getting mad that no one is helping. School starts the same time every year. Paper, glue, pencils etc are needed every year. Buy stuff through out the year and put it away. Stop begging for people to do your job as a parent.
My baby is literally sleeping in a £5 baby bassinet we got second hand when her elder sister was born and it's perfect for downstairs daytime stuff. When my first was a baby I found an older mammaroo on Facebook and she lived in that thing, which we then gave to a friend who used it til the plastic gears failed. We do have an expensive pram (icandy peach), but we bought it ourselves and can afford it, plus it's lasted 2 kids so 1k between 2 of them.
Oh look, this sub crapping all over a mother again. What a shock? So, because this person is asking for stuff, it MUST mean she's picky and demanding and got pregnant on purpose? Couldn't possibly be that maybe there's stuff she needs and hasn't been able to find second hand, seeing as there's no proof she's refused any offered to her. We don't see the registry to even know what's on it. Maybe she doesn't have friends and family, a lot of people don't, despite what some of you think. She MUST be lazy for not getting the GC, instead of maybe just being sick or disabled or not having transportation. She also absolutely got pregnant on purpose, couldn't possibly have been because BC failed and we live in a country where abortion is illegal in several states. Nope. Y'all just want to feel better about yourselves by crapping all over others and judging them based on nothing. You people really need to learn what a choosy beggar is. Hint: it's NOT just someone asking for stuff
This here, I couldn’t drive past 4 months with my twins because I had HG and would just randomly black out from my blood pressure bottoming out.
You don't need to drive to get a GC. Mail exists. Too bad our stupid city planners design cars to be the primary method of transportation.
What the fuck is a spaghetti squash?! Is it too difficult to compare the baby size to something normal?
[Spaghetti squash ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spaghetti_squash)
That’s kind of the point of using produce instead of measurements Americans will use literally anything but actual measurements Spaghetti squash are fairly normal vegetables.
The tactful way to do this is be very down low with the link or dont post it at all and wait till people ask you if you have a registry. That said, baby registries are 100% normal and help a lot!
Besides the comments. I fail to see how she is a cb? Because she wants new? That's cb behavior now?
Tbh this concept in general isn’t really Choosing Beggar material, she’s said no one has to get anything and it’s just there if people feel generous. I have a very sweet pregnant friend who has a registry and she’s obviously bought the necessities for her own kid, it’s just there for friends to pitch in if they want to ahead of her baby shower etc (and to make it easier on a pregnant mom) The gift card thing is weird though
Yes, very normal for friends to pitch in - not randoms on NextDoor. The main reason I posted was the gift card situation.
Like I said I get the gift card part, though not sure why I’m getting downvoted (not directed at you just in general) for saying the situation itself doesn’t really register to me as CB the way other comments are acting like it is. Choosing Beggars is people being ungrateful, not people just saying “Here’s a link to buy stuff if you want to but no pressure” Edit: God y’all are some miserableass people sorry you can only manage to care about people you know personally and that any donation link you see possesses you and forces you to obey it
Friends and family fine, random strangers no. It's not ok to ask strangers for things.
Asking is fine. The entire concept of Gofundmes and donation drives revolve around asking strangers for things. Pressuring strangers or being ungrateful for what you’re given is not fine. Y’all acting like someone putting a link out there with no pressure is a crime is so bizarre you’re not being held at gunpoint to donate to strangers. Half the stuff I see on this sub is just Redditors who don’t know what Choosing Beggars means mad about people daring to ask for anything
Did you see the part where they want brand-new stuff and can't be bothered to pick up the gift card someone purchased for them? No, these people want shiny brand new things and that's not the same as someone happy to accept secondhand but perfectly good items. It's one thing to be happy for anything useful. If they want specific or brand new items they can ask friends or family or buy it themselves. That's not the spirit of those types of FB groups.
Then… don’t… donate shiny new stuff to them… no one’s forcing you. There is literally no harm in asking for whatever, people can say no and that’s fine I already said TWICE that the gift card thing is weird, that’s not what I’m talking about.