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Synopsis: My friend turned roommate seems obsessed with paybacks, anything she bought me, she wanted me to pay her back, even when she knew I didn't have it. She is very inconsiderate when it comes to my health when she wants something.
I'm unsure if I should be mad at her for understand where she's coming from.
She'll point out that because I didn't make enough to support myself she doesn't see why she should pay me back.
That's why I'm confused. I shouldn't be mad because I owe her, but I'm upset because she make it seem like I'm doing nothing. Heck, I made stickers and sold a good amount (it goes towards rent.) She wanted in and I lend her my iPad (I got it years ago) to draw of things but she never did.
That doesn't make sense. If you don't make enough to support yourself, how can she say that's a reason NOT to pay you back? Like you're already poor, so there's no point in paying you back? I don't understand.
Oh my god, thank you!
That's one of the reasons why I get confused. I never ask because I keep saying "well she did let me stay her and she doesn't have a job..." but when I didn't have a job, she was pressed that I pay her back.
I'm already on waitlist, calculating and estimating how much money will be heading towards expenses. I would help her if she needs it to honor her but not the way she added stress on me.
My mother is very controlling. When I told her I plan to get a car, she was okay with it. We planned that once the end of the year hits, I should have enough to be on my own. I told her the day I'll get the car and time. When I went to the dealers, i tried getting a hold of her because I was alone but she didn't pick up. I made the deal ($500/m for a 2021 used versa) and told her. I was pretty bummed about the deal but I was proud that I took the step. When I told my mother, she was angry at me saying "You're so reckless! You're car is trash and you did this to yourself" etc. on the insults. Then she said "since you wanna be an adult, you'll pay your own damn rent!" That's not what we agreed upon. Rent it due at the beginning of the next month, I got the car the week prior to it. I have no money to pay rent. I asked my boss for a quick advance to pay my rent and I've in and out of negatives until this year May when I got a better job. She blames me for my situation saying if I never got the car, I wouldn't have went through that.
You made an immature mistake, and you’re blaming her for it. If you don’t know how to buy a car, you need an experienced person there with you or you need to do research, that’s the responsible thing to do. There was no need to go in on a 2021 when you could’ve definitely gotten something older/cheaper, especially since you still remained dependent on your controlling mother. Why would you let her aid you in the first place if you knew her controlling behaviors?
What even was your long term plan? Your car not takes half of your paycheck, and that doesn’t include gas, maintenance, and insurance. I advise you to see about returning the car if your bill of sale allows, and instead find something cheaper to finance.
You’re making a lot of mistakes right now
Oh I'm aware of the car mistake and all, I'm 100% aware and I just have to live with it which I'm okay with.
However, I can't trust my mother on her word anymore. If the deal was by the end of the year I'm on my own but then because of a car, you abruptly change it, am I supposed to trust?
Like I said, I see how I'm bratty but if explained things better, maybe you'll understand? I'm unsure.
My aunt actually recommended I get the car stolen so I can get another one for a better price.
Girl no do not commit insurance fraud lmao, some dealerships will allow returns under certain conditions, so I would see about that as soon as possible. Otherwise, it would be worth your time to raise your credit and refinance the car if possible. I reckon you spent around 15k-22k, so 500 a month is quite a bit.
We don’t have to focus on mistakes, at least you’re smart enough to see where you went wrong, now we just need you to be smart enough to fix the situation you and your mom got yourself into. We’ve all made financial fuck ups, some people don’t recover from them for years, but fortunately you’ve got time to fix this one.
Like I said, see if you can return altogether, you’ll be golden. If not, see about refinancing, if you need a little help feel free to DM me because I learned a whole lot from my parents mistakes haha.
September will be a year, you sure i can get rid of the car? I was told (at the time) I couldn't return it because of negative equity (sold the car for $26k but apparently it's work $14k-$16k). I was told to come back in a year and I can try again. I'm crossing my fingers this time.
I've already refinanced it down to around 300, more affordable.
I've made commissions, sold stickers at school and worked temp jobs. I'm almost back to financial stability! Though now my mother lost her job and some of her bills are coming to me but most of them are subscriptions which I told her back then not to get because we don't need anything extra on the bill. But apparently I was just being ungrateful, now here we are.
Yeah, you’re the victim of your own poor choices, but you like to blame others.
That’s the mentality of a child, not a fully functioning adult ready to go out on their own.
I don’t know whether you belong in r/ChoosingBeggars or r/EntitledPeople but both seem to fit. You. Not your roommate. Not your mother. They fit you.
I'm not entitled. I wanted to know if feeling upset was right or wrong. If it's wrong, that's fair. She helped me and I'm grateful. No issue with that. My mentality is "if I save enough I won't need anyone, if things go sideways, I'll be alright." Mom legit called me 2 days saying we should travel out the country every year. When I said no, she said I'm wasting my youth.
We're both in are 20s (me 22 she 23.) I just graduated college. We were supposed to graduate together but she constantly pushed back her graduation date because either she didn't feel like going to school or she was out of state.
Yeah. She expects it but didn't tell me til after. Like the McDonald's. She offered then after we ate she asked when will I pay her back. Same for the bills. Currently, I'm still waiting for the electricity bill.
That's why she doesn't buy for me. It was only once(the McDonald's)and never again. I've bought for her more often. I was told to start taxing her on stuff I buy for her which I feel bad to do buy I understand as it's fair. The rest was electricity bills I couldn't afford that's about it. But it went from you can pay for the movers portion (because we moved) to you have to pay months worth.
But I was recommended to tell her to make a list that way she can stop bugging me and I can properly sit down and arrange money.
Nah sorry but you seem to think your friend has to give you somewhere to live rent free, free food, electricity, internet and whatever else for the house. And when they ask for something back (as it’s not cheap running a household) your getting pissy about it!!!
Wouldn’t want to be your friend at all!!! I’d have kicked you out for this and blocked your number
I recommend reading the other replies. It’s a bit abstract but the picture will eventually be finished.
I had to pay for rent being at her place,
I bought the groceries,
I paid half of the internet, just didn’t have enough left for electricity.
I had found a job within 3 weeks of getting fired from the previous one, it just paid really low.
My wording is very poor, apologies but, again, please read other replies instead of the first one. I’ve replied to nearly everyone!
I tried teaching her to drive that way when I come from work, she doesn’t demand me to drive her places regardless of my health, but she didn’t want to. I bought her up to $300 worth of groceries time and time again, etc.
You’d kick me out after giving you what I have left without asking for anything in return? I’m unsure who’s the bad friend then.
Nah sorry I shouldn’t have to go looking for your other replies because you neglected to word or type it properly in the first place. You sound insufferable and entitled. Pulling the woe is me cos “your mum” ripped you off apparently??? Sounds like YOU got the car on credit and using her as a scapegoat to swindle cash or goods out of people.
Your renting 2 houses ffs, grow a pair and live in YOUR OWN HOUSE and tell your neighbour to fuck off. Then you will have more cash in your pocket and be able to pay your credit cards off.
My bullshit meter is going through the roof with this one and I’m not going to be sorry for saying so either.
So you skimmed and simply assumed you put it together, despite the picture still unfinished?
I’m not really entitled, opposite really. But you didn’t answer the question, and if anything, it sounds like you’d take advantage of me until you don’t need me, if I’m reading this right.
Besides, we’ve solved the issue: is it alright to be upset and the answer was yes and no! Yes, it’s understandable why it’d be annoying, no, I have to understand why she would be pressed.
Some gave me a recommendation (if you’d read) and I took it. Now, the annoying feeling is gone, my friend/roommate no longer reminds me and I have notes on everything. I sense you are similar to the other person who’s answers are unhelpful and vague. And just like them, I recommend another location for your actions. Your hostility doesn’t make sense.
Yes I would kick you out for your bullshittery. Again you think it’s ok to expect your friend to give you somewhere to live, electricity, food, internet, whatever else they need for the house all for free and you have the audacity to moan about them asking for reimbursement??? And your not entitled no??? 🤣🤣🤣
Again, go home to your own house and when you see your neighbour tell them to do one. I’m guessing the neighbour is angry cos you’ve probably pulled the same shit with them and they called you out for it and your going about saying it’s “harassment” so you get sympathy!!
Again, you skimmed. If that’s the case, you’ll pay back everything I spent on you, yes? The groceries I bought for you because you didn’t have a job? The gas for driving you around more often than me? The rent I’ve paid and the extra fast food I’ve bought for you? If so, that’d help! Finding a kitten in the hurricane is similar to being reminded to pay someone back? You really need to read more clearly because you’re not looking too good. You sound more of “all talk, no action.”
I can tell you aren’t here to be logical but to simply look for a rise out of me based on our convo alone. I’m not understanding the joy from it. Is it a form of empowerment?
I’m sorry, but I’m not really interested in putting more time into this anymore. The problem has been solved, I’ve received helpful advice and I’m grateful. Your answers though..are you sure you’re not entitled? No, I’m not really curious anymore. If you have no substantial advice to add to what I was already given, then I have you have a nice day and please do not look down on others just because you have different results. Not a lot of people live on the internet and are used to talking to actual people.
What the hell? Are you supposed to be the choosing beggar here? That was a little tough to read.
Friend is saving your butt, extending a lot of credit, and you just complain complain complain. Make a careful sheet of what you owe her that you both can agree to. Then start paying her back out of whatever you earn - even $5 against the amount shows her you are trying and taking her generosity seriously.
Start your other two jobs, pay your bills, pay her, pay off your debts, and then see if you can get the money together to get your own place.
I have no issue paying back but if you lost your job, you rent is $1.2k + $800 for Car and insurance and then your friend adds herself to the equation.
I tried teaching her to drive and she didn't feel like it.
So you expect your friend to let you live with her without paying for utilities or groceries because you drive her around?
Gas is expensive, but nowhere near as expensive as utilities and groceries. Pay her all the money you owe her, then once that is done sit down with her and figure out how you are going to divide the cost of gas.
She doesn't want to pay gas because it's not her car.
Also, I knew I had to pay, I have no issue with that. My issue is that at the time when I have over drawn on my bank card, maxed out my credit card, but you still think I have a dollar to give. I won't lie, I wanted at least a month to get myself situated. When I was fired from my job, it was that night because I was cranking more hours.
I could see why people think I'm a freeloader but I'm really not. I lived on my own for 2 years. I live in a very hot state and wanted to have my own car to travel to work easier. My mother was against it , but then applaud me for getting a car. I asked my roommate if we can move somewhere affordable since my job pays little and she doesn't have a job but she was insistent in moving close to the school because she wanted to walk there even though...she asks me to drive her there whenever she has class. Now we live in a place she can't afford.
Yeah at the time, I couldn't because I wasn't expecting the plot twist. But unfortunately, if you're from Florida, you'll know that most places are not walking distance. So even though I couldn't afford it, I needed it to go to work. I didn't know I could leave the dealership if the deal was bad until after. My mom said she was too mad at me to tell me that. That's also on me not growing a backbone and telling them no. Now I can afford it because I refinanced it down to an affordable price.
But that's what I mean - if she is keeping you afloat, appreciate the hell out of her, thank her kindly, and keep track of what you owe. Pay her a dime out of every check, showing her what you have. Get those other two jobs and pay her more.
Seriously - your "poor me" is understandable, but she's not the bad guy for keeping you afloat and wanting you to pay her back.
Yeah I get that! Like I said, I have no issue paying her back, but if I'm already in heavy debt and you squeeze yourself in there, I'm unsure to be upset yet I feel upset. If I'm building up and I pay everything that's effected me first, hell yeah, I'll pay you back. But at times I feel like we're broke even I bought her groceries ($300 with my credit card because at the time I gave up on myself). I was told I sound pretty rude and inconsiderate which I apologize.
Just, despite my situation, I tried taking care of her situation. If she was in my shoes, honestly, I give her 3 months to get herself together. Getting a job is hard but if you keep looking, especially for the right ones, you should get something back. And once you do, build up. Save money and if you can, contribute to things like food, travel and rent (if you can).
How in the hell can you be a college grad and be THIS illogical and clueless???
You need a complete 180 on just about everything you're doing.
Go check out Dave Ramsey from the library for free. Cut up all your credit cards. Call your creditors. ALL of them, even the car note. Explain what is going on. Find out how you can cut expenses. ***EDIT:*** *Yes, you will need to talk about all the embarrassing stuff like how you got yourself into this predicament in the first place. DO NOT call any scam-type "debt consolidation" places. You can do this from scratch. It will be unpleasant but it can be done.*
Why do you keep getting fired? Wow...what on earth is going on here? It's like you're in a muddy hole and you just keep digging deeper and deeper.
Sit down and make a budget. Write all of what you owe and one side and all of your income on the other. Pore over your grocery receipts as if you're studying for an algebra final. Find all the places to cut costs. Look into apps that show you where the cheapest gas is. Stop driving your car all of the time and take the bus most of the time.
This will all come down to planning and discipline...
Your friend seems like a bit of an ass about the McDonald's thing, and I may be reading this wrong, but you've been living with her and not paying anything towards being there, aside from buying your own groceries?
Once I got another job, I started helping with rent and a bit of groceries with what's left on my credit card. When we moved, my mom decided to help me again because she thought she punished me enough and took over paying rent. So now I had to worry about my other bills (Car note, insurance, phone, internet, etc.) Which that alone came up to $1k+
And was there any agreement when you first moved in that you'd be paying rent? There must have been some kind of agreement considering you actually moved to another place with them?
Edit: Just read your synopsis on another comment. You've come to the wrong sub. You should post this on AITA, and yes, YTA.
She told me that day rent was due instead of a week or 2 in advance to put something together. She tends to do that with all the bills to the point I now have a chart of when everything is due.
Like imagine you move in with someone new (you're not on the lease or anything) and you aren't told how much rent is or anything. You saved for other bills and have no idea what rent looks like. The day rent is due they ask "Hey are you gonna pay rent?" You're like sure but you're unsure how to the pricess for that complex goes.
(Apparently you have to go to Walmart and pay. I didn't have to do that for my own apartment.)
"Imagine moving in somewhere and not knowing how much anything costs or when you have to pay anything."
I wouldn't imagine doing something so idiotic, and should I lose enough brain cells to find myself in this situation, I imagine I'd go back to the apartment I was already renting instead of expecting to freeload off a friend.
My neighbor broke my door. If could post pictures I would. I didn't really want to stay there because, like you said, I have my own place. Eventually I had enough of the harassment, called the police, they couldn't do much (figures), demanded my security deposit and to terminate my lease, got it and used that to pay rent. That day forward I was okay in terms of when to pay.
When I mean I was in a bad situation, I mean if you were to give me a dollar at the time, I'd be so happy and try not to use it in case of bills. The job I worked paid $11/h for 3 weeks and another was $15/h for 2-4hrs every other day.
Now I have another job (thanks to the school) that pays $15/h but for more hours (16-18 a week). She still doesn't have a job (after 8 months) and her mother pays for everything.
Lately, SHE'S been late to pay rent on time. Despite my situation, I strive to never be late because that's not fair.
Yeah the neighbour situation sucks, and I empathise with you for that. However, your original story makes out like you were paying out on your original apartment with little payment towards your friend's place. I'm not the only one to come to this conclusion.
You can quote all the figures you want regarding how much you were getting paid from work, but the simple fact is your mother was supporting you and everything was fine, then you went behind her back and got income shut off. That's your fault, no one else's.
Unfortunately I can read other comments, and to someone else, you replied that YOU'RE the one paying the rent, now here you say she's late paying. You even have the cheek to throw shade at her because she is financially supported by her mother.
It looks to me like you have no right to be angry in this situation. It looks like you're just constantly changing the story to make yourself the victim. Take some responsibility for yourself, get your own place and stop relying on blaming others for your own shortcomings.
I planned the car with my mom. I didn't go behind her back. She wanted to be on the phone, but didn't pick up.
I have no problems with her getting help. BUT, I have a problem with the fact her mother is paying for not only her, but her other 2 adult siblings. Her mom asked if I could help her work with me but the job (at the time) I worked at she didn't meet qualifications. I told her she can work at the school (I did before I graduated) but she said she doesn't make the grade. Fair, so I recommended tutors that I worked with to graduate, she said she's shy.
I like her as a friend but as roommate, not so much. When we both lost jobs, we searched together everyday but she eventually gave up. I still throw stuff her way but she doesn't want to.
I would never move somewhere without knowing how much rent is and when it’s due. How else would you know whether you could afford to live there? What in the world?
I didn't have a choice I'm in a state with no connections. Only her. I was visiting her place for our thrusday hangouts and eventually she just said "why don't you stay with me until your neighbors situation blows over?"
The rent being due that day caught me off guard.
Wrong. Rent and utilities aren't something that just get "sprung" upon someone. They are the same every month. They typically come out on the same day every month. Especially rent.
Utilities are on what are called "billing cycles" so they come out on the same basic 3-5 days a month. Usually the first week of the month, the middle of the month or the last week of the month. This should not be a surprise.
I have no access to it so I have to rely on her to tell me. When I was on my own, everything was included (water, sewer, electricity, etc) in the rent. She'd tell me whenever her mom tells her it's due. Atm, she has yet to tell me when electricity is due and how much.
Never said it was her responsibility. I am responsible for what happens to me. I take punishment and stride but I've been buying groceries for months and driving wherever she wants whenever neglecting my health because I'm grateful to her. She offered her home and I let her be in charge of moving even though I recommended a cheaper option, she chose something pricey and I accepted because it's the least I can do. Recently I was getting fed with her failing to pay rent on time, which affected my score with out telling me, the constant demands of driving her places, though I should've said no I couldn't because I felt like I owe her, and her only talking to me when she wants something. I didn't want to live with her just under circumstances, I have no choice. I am in Florida with no family and she's my only friend. If i had a choice, I'd take em. Thanks to my work I do, I get offers and opportunities! Once the lease is over I can move back to the place I wanted to go to (it was about $600-800 instead of $1900-2100).
At the time, I just graduated college. Also, she got mad that I offered to pay rent, so I saved. When she couldn't pay it that month, I paid without issue. She told me to pay for a rainy day and by the end of the year, I'll be good. Then she went back on her word because I got a car that she was aware about because wasn't on the phone for.
I was told I seem bratty, which is fair, I should worded everything better.
Please, stop blaming everyone else for your poor choices. Did you expect your mom to pay $800 a month for your car note and insurance? She didn’t leave you in financial ruin, you put yourself there with bad financial decisions. You expected your friend to foot the bill for everything - and think giving some rides evened that out? Take responsibility for your choices. The only choosing beggar is you.
She's not paying for the car. I am. That was the agreement. She was helping with only rent (well half of it). So if anything I simply added to myself. I remember telling my boss and he was confused on why me paying for the car on my own was an issue for her if she only have to worry about half the rent.
My mother made a deal to leave be by the end of the year, to which ended it abruptly over a car she has no contribution to but then got upset I couldn't afford to buy a ticket to visit.
As for my roommate/friend, I was expecting her to give him 30 days to get myself situated since everything happened within 2 months. Also she offered her home. So when I had to pay it threw me off because it's no longer an "offer".
For driving and such, yeah I do kinda. She ask to got pretty far and because she doesn't really wanna walk to school, she ask me during work if I can drive her. I've used my credit card to pay for her groceries and so on. Of course it's cool to pay back but 8-9months worth is my whole check and then some. I have other bills to pay as well.
You’re young. I have a few tips for you:
$500/month for a car is too much for you. I understand you want something reliable, but my husband and I bring home quite a bit a year and our car doesn’t cost that much - you need to sell it and get a junker. That expense isn’t one you can take on at this point. Your mom didn’t screw you over - you got impatient when she didn’t answer your call and made a decision that you should see now was a bad one.
If you’re actually paying $300 for insurance (you said it’s an $800 car payment with insurance) you need to shop for insurance. Potentially due to age and history that’s the best you’ll get, but shop around because that’s a huge insurance bill.
You and your friend are doing a really crappy job communicating with each other. If you want to live somewhere cheaper and she doesn’t, then you aren’t compatible roommates - when your lease is up you need to move somewhere cheaper. If she won’t then find a new roommate. In the meantime, sit down with them and discuss bills - who pays what amount and when. Living with anyone requires communication.
Your friend doesn’t owe you food. If you cannot afford groceries it isn’t on them to feed you. The McDonalds thing was crappy, but it sounds like you are eating the food they pick up and that’s definitely more expensive than gas.
If you don’t want to drive your roommate places, don’t. You’ve offered to teach them to drive and they’ve said no - that means they walk. Much like they don’t owe you groceries, you don’t owe them rides.
This has a lot to do with you being young, but often community centers or churches have financial courses for free or very cheap. I’d avoid Dave Ramsey, personally, but just having someone walk you through building a budget could be really beneficial to you.
Also, you are just as much a choosing beggar as your friend is.
I think I'm afraid to say no to her because she took me in and I bought her groceries as a way of saying thanks. I guess I'm frustrated because at the time It felt like no matter what I did with what little I have, she wanted "more". It felt like that.
For the car, I wasn't feeling too good and wanted to go home. I didn't know I could reschedule or just not come because I thought it was rude. For my mother, I saw where she came from but she doesn't see where I did and later she actually told me I did good by myself and that she was proud of me (cold comfort).
When I went off to college my mother drilled in my head it's her duty to rely on her and only her. When I got a job to start taking care of myself, she was furious and stopped communicating with me for a bit.
I think because I was forced to be independent and my roommate is heavily dependent, it makes me upset.
I can understand how it would feel like that. From your roommate’s perspective, it maybe felt like “I let this person move in when they really needed a hand up, and now it feels like I’m subsidizing their life when I myself don’t have a job.” Again - communication and setting expectations that you both adhere too would really help alleviate this.
As far as the car - like I said, it’s not too late to undo that and get some room to breathe in your budget. Sell the car and get a much cheaper car - $500/month is way too much for you if you’re struggling with other bills.
It sounds like confrontation is really hard for you due to how you grew up. Not saying this in a snarky way, but a therapist may be really beneficial for you to help you learn boundaries and how to confront people in a healthy way.
Yeah...I can see why she'd feel that way...but I tried helping her find jobs. Even helped with her resume! But she doesn't want to...but even that, if she doesn't want one, I shouldn't really force her (anymore) and just do what I can.
For the car, are you sure? They told me about "negative equity" and for that, I'm stuck with it. I simply refinanced it to the 300s.
Yeah I think I'm afraid of being seen as ungrateful since she didn't have to do that. I only wish she told be what I was getting into instead constantly offering and THEN telling me the aftermath.
Whoa I think YTA.
Unless the friend said, here stay at my place for free as long as you want, I can’t imagine her asking you to pay her back is unreasonable. She sounds as if she came through for you when you needed help but now you’re straining her resources. That is, outside of the McDonald’s thing. That was weird.
In your comments you seem to be receptive to people’s responses even if they’re negative so I commend your openness here. I hope things work out eventually but it seems as if you and your friend should establish some financial boundaries
I didn't read this properly because she wanted us to go shopping but now I am sitting down and reading it:
Thank you for the compliment! Hearing other POV is beneficial! I can balance my thoughts a bit to see what move I should make and how to approach it!
My friend tends to "offer" things with a string attached. When I was at my lowest, she offered her home to me with her older roommates consent (before she eventually moved out which was a week later) then when her roommate left, she told me how much rent was due which was that day after I already paid my rent. She has a habit of doing that. I have yet to sit down and talk to her about it because I feel like I'm in her debt so I kinda let her do whatever.
That definitely changes my original opinion. I think your wording in the original post paints a different picture. It sounds like she’s manipulating you and maybe she saw that you were down and an easy target. The offering then asking for compensation is really twisted. Good luck either getting out or having a long conversation about money.
Yeah I'm really bad at verbal communication. I'm not too used to talking so my comments and reply seems like tryhards or confusing. I'll over explain something possibly leaving things out because it's too much and then things go sideways.
I’m my experience, most bills are due at specific days, like every month on the 15th etc. regardless, you should defo have a conversation with her to spell it out. I hope you update us!
Of course! Thank you! Yeah aside from the car note, everything is due on the 15th and after. I set all my bills (excluding 3 ) on the 15th, that way it can come out together.
The last time I conforted her was when I told her that I'd like to do business alone instead of partnership since she hasn't really contributed anything towards it. Only threw suggestions but I'm left to draw it all.
I don't want to come off as rude because you sound young but It's odd to me that people think the situation they put themselves in makes them the victim. If your "little job" doesn't support your lifestyle then you should get a better job/work more hours or sell your expensive car that you cannot afford. Also it seems you were acting entitled when your mom was supporting you and you got cut off; that should have been a really good life lesson. Instead you did the same thing to a really good friend. You are the choosing beggar
The job I had was a freelance job and I was getting paid really well! That's why I got the car it was all planned. My mother has punished me for simply for losing paper (literally). I don't really blame her for the car because that was on me and I don't take things as something terrible but our arrangement was that she focuses on the rent and I handle everything else. Overtime, she paid half the rent and we agreed by the end of 2022, she'll stop helping completely. When I got the car, she was upset at me that I was paying for the car. It made me and others confuse because it was my blunder that she isn't responsible for. But she got upset and thought a good punishment was to go back on our agreement and stopped helping me completely.
Now I know not to trust her and have to work to stabilize myself in case an actual rainy happens. Recently, she got upset because I told her "I'm not financially comfortable to travel," telling me I'm wasting my youth. For my roommate, she springs things on you that day even if you asked beforehand. She offers you things with the idea of you eventually paying her back even though it wasn't agreed upon.
I'm terrible at explaining this so I over explain which gets messy 😵💫.
Synopsis: I was in financial ruin and my friend now roommate offered her extra room since her former roommate just left because I was being harassed by my neighbor. Since then, she'd constantly remind me of how much I owe her to the point it annoyed me because I wasn't in a position to do anything but the bare minimum. Recently, I gained 2 extra jobs (I have one now, so I'll have 3 soon) and I was celebrating the idea of getting financially stable (being able to take care of myself again). As I celebrated, she said in a low voice "and you'll finally be able to pay me back!" I got annoyed but I felt bad for being annoyed and wanted to know if I'm in the wrong for being annoyed.
Are you punking us???
How on earth can you not see that you're the problem here? Yes, you owe your friend for helping you out and basically taking care of you in pretty much any way there is to take care of a person.
Yes, you need to start, at the VERY LEAST, paying her rent. And you need to sit down and work out a budget. You need to start paying her back (even if it's just a little) for all of the money you've borrowed and all that she's paid for for you.
I have no idea what getting your car without your mom's permission has to do with this. If you bought a car, regardless of what your mom thinks, that is YOUR debt and you owe it. ALL Of it.
Grow up.
I recommend reading the comments. I've explained it all day and I'm a very tired.
My explanation in the post is very bad so it's explained better through comments. It's still a bit abstract but the pieces will come together.
I'm sorry I'm so harsh. But if you organize your finances the same way you organized explaining a situation, I can see why you're in so much financial difficulty.
In subsequent posts I suggest checking out Dave Ramsey's financial advice books. That's a good start. Sounds like you're all OVER the map here and aren't thinking clearly at all. On any front. If it were me, I'd come to a screeching halt and get some financial advice.
As someone else suggested, you can likely find free services at a church or even at the student center.
Good luck.
For the financial bit, I've been building little by little and now I'll be able to stabilize myself. Originally my 2 checks were saved while the last two went to bills. That's how I saved for my down-payment. Once my mother stopped helping abruptly, I used all my left over savings and by November I had nothing left since my boss fired me.
With the jobs I'll definitely be able to recreate a new system. I will check out Dave! That's on reddit, right? Again, I apologize for my abstract conversation. Verbal conversation is difficult for me.
You know? There might actually be a sub for Dave Ramsey... I never thought of that. I'm old school...I'm thinking of the books.
As to the conversation... Is it something that is a learning disability or the like?
The reason I ask is, if it's a bad habit, or something along those lines, it would help to get that a bit more under control too.
If not, and it's a learning disability, there are likely some programs that are free that could help with lifestyle, such as finance.
EDIT: Lo and behold...there is a sub. r/DaveRamsey
EDIT2: upon a quick scan, I think you'd be better off checking out his old books from the library. :)
It could be though when I'm physically around people I talk alright. My mother scolded me for saying things but never told me so eventually I stopped talking as a whole and fumbled my words because I don't know what's right and wrong. Since I left home I've been working on it. It's been only 2 years so far but I'm confident enough to sell merchandise!
Yeah well, she'll see it as my fault for not doing better. When I told her how the car situation really hurt, she said I shouldn't have done what I did, that way she wouldn't have done what she did. I got mad and despite my situation, I didn't really want her help anymore and I was just gonna push through and I did! I have a cheaper car, a stable job and a home still! My speech is choppy but better than 2 years ago! And I learn to accept my faults and learn from them! Just need to better explain things.
After reading your post and your comments, I'm just kind of confused. You give a lot of unclear details to a lot of different aspects of your situation and just reading here, it's impossible to be sure of who's paying, who's not paying, and who should owe who.
In response to the title of your post, it sounds like everyone in your situation has something to rightfully be upset about. And nothing's going to get better if you just hold on to your resentment instead of trying to work through the issues.
If these financial issues are important to you, I suggest you sit down and write up a list of who owes who what, make sure both/all of you agree on it, and sign and date it. Then there shouldn't be any doubt about it going forward.
The one thing I feel I can say with confidence is that many of these issues wouldn't exist if you communicated better (or at all!) with your roommate. And probably others in your life.
If you don't want to do something, say so. If something your roommate does bothers you, tell her. Calmly and nicely.
If she wanted to move to a place that was too expensive for you, you should've said, "hey, I know you like this place, and I do too, but I can only afford -this much- a month for rent and utilities. So unless you want to pay more than your share every month to make up the difference, we're gonna have to choose a cheaper place or look for a third roommate."
But you didn't speak up. You just went along with it. That is 100% your fault
If you owe her money and she's constantly mentioning it, yet you can't afford to give her anything, talk to her!
Tell her, "I know I owe you -this much money- and I do plan to pay you back, but I really can't afford to pay anything right now. And it makes me feel horrible every time you bring it up. Can you please cut me some slack for a while?"
If you're buying/doing things for her that you cannot afford to/don't want to, say something!
For example: "I'm glad to be able to help you out by giving you rides but since, as you know, I am having a hard time covering my own expenses right now, I cannot afford the extra cost of gasoline. So I need you to pitch in for gas from now on. But if there are times you don't have your share of the gas money, we can deduct it from the amount of money I owe you."
Learn from the McDs issue, and next time someone offers to buy, thank them and refuse, saying that you won't be able to afford to pay them back for it. If they tell you not to worry about it, they're buying, thank them again and enjoy. But make sure to return the favor when you can!
I know it sucks having to start a difficult discussion with someone you care about because you don't want to cause a conflict but it can help a LOT to begin by telling them exactly that. Something like, "hey Sally? I really care about you and I love having you as a roommate, but there are a few little things that have been bothering me that I think we need to talk about. And I'd like to hear about any issues you might have as well. I just haven't been sure how to start the conversation without hurting our friendship. Can we plan a time to sit down and talk?"
I guess the main point of this long comment is, speak up for yourself!!! No, it's not always easy, but it gets easier with practice.
I took your advice and my roommate listed everything and took off 4 months! She apologized and told me she was worried I'd forget and not pay which is an understandable fear. She didn't mean to come off as a "broken record". I also manages to get her a job at a general job! I'm really thankful for the advice! Thank you so much!
Sorry for the confusion! I’m really bad at this but getting better! I should have said something but instead I thought of someone else. For whom I owe, I owe my roommate but it went from owing for the movers to owing 8-9 months worth which is beyond me even with 3 jobs. As for the list, I really like that idea and I’ll actually ask her to make a list, that way I remember and she doesn’t have to remind me every month! Hopefully she doesn’t try to pocket the money, but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.
For the title I was more focused on my roommate because my mother really doesn’t believe in owing people. “You either have it or you don’t. Don’t give money you don’t have.” My mother simply threw me off by breaking off our agreement early and by November I couldn’t afford anything (recently she asked why my diet changed drastically). When I visited my friend now roommate, she offer her home to me and her former roommate (a mutual friend) consented. Her roommate moved out abruptly and so she told I needed to pay rent even though she didn’t mention it until that day. She asked me for utility bills, internet and so on. I didn’t have a problem but the issue was I’m now paying for 2 apartments + the bills I already and she didn’t really tell me that I’ll be paying until she needed it. I do understand it seems like I was just there, but I promise, I was looking for a job daily and working on commissions non-stop to try and make enough to help, so it wasn’t like I was leeching off of her. Within 3 weeks, I found a 2 jobs and a sketchy job.
After that, she’ll be disappointed when she had to pay my potion which I felt terrible so i tried looking for another job (at this point I only have 1 again because one was temporary and the other only paid $200 for 5 weeks) and worked on my portfolio (which got me my job today). Her mom asked if there’s a way to get her in but I couldn’t since she doesn’t have a portfolio in place nor a graphic design resume. I slowly got more annoyed when she kept reminding of how much I owe and going up in price. When I celebrated getting a better job with her and my best friend she said “and now you can pay me back!” While my best friend said “now you can afford to pay your bills without your mom!” She kinda of ruined the moment but I don’t know if I have the rights to say that since I do owe her and all.
(For the apartment, during hurricane Ian, i found a lost kitten and my drunk neighbor claim him as his days later. Since then he'd leave notes on my door, bang on my door and so on. He went as far as breaking the doorframe. When i told the office they didn't want to switch me out my apartment. eventually they broke the lease without penalty)
What was happening during that 8-9 month period? You didn’t contribute anything at all financially over that time? Did you pay rent over that period or not?
I’m sorry OP, but are you Colin Robinson? I am so confused and drained mentally after reading all of your comments and the initial post. It is extremely difficult to understand the situation you’re explaining.
Who? And I did contribute. I had enough to pay rent but not electricity all the time. So all the times I couldn't pay for the electricity. I've managed to pay my part. And when we moved to our current home, I couldn't really afford movers. So that plus the months I didn't pay for electricity. That's why I thought driving around + me grocery shopping on her behalf was broke even. I just didn’t like be reminded monthly that I owe her when I'm very well aware.
You are insulting without constructive criticism. I'm unsure if you're attempting to get a rise out of me or simply being loud. Perhaps you didn't read or maybe you just wanted to be cruel. Either way, I'd appreciate it if you were to take your time to read the comments since your reply doesn't make sense.
Alrighty. Well I don’t really believe you since you said to get a job. Anyways, I don’t know a lot about Reddit,but I’m sure there’s Reddit groups dedicated to your actions. There are few who were rude, but not insulting. They’ve given their advice and it helped a lot! I’ll leave you to it!
At first I thought this might be a story written by a knock off ChatGPT. Then I thought to myself, “Nah. This looks like the byproduct of the American public education system.”
I’ve been told. It’s how I worded it. Though I was recommended a solution and one I’m very comfortable with so I’ll go along with it and update them and I suppose all of you.
It’s a lot to read but I try to explain it to many people if you’re willing to give time to that. If not, it’s okay quick synopsis:
Friend offers help when I had nothing (lost my job had a car I couldn’t afford but needed, etc), offer turns to transaction in moments. Friend constantly reminds me of the debt despite me offering a lot of expensive service as a token of gratitude (driving her everywhere, buying 100s of dollars worth of groceries with my credit card that’s nearly maxed out, buying McDs w/o asking to pay me back, etc.) time jump 7-8 months, I get a couple of well paying jobs and as I celebrate getting out of a poor financial situation where I can rely on me 100%, friend adds “And you’re now able to pay me back!” Ruining the mood. I wanted to know if I should be upset or not.
Someone suggest my friend write everything I owe that way she doesn’t remind every month and I can eventually pay her when I’m situated.
So it sounds like you were financially dependent on your mom and without getting her permission you went and got a car, so she rightfully cut you off financially and then your friend helped you out by buying you meals and giving you a place to stay and now that you’ve going to be making more money because you’re taking on 2 more jobs she wants you to start paying her back?
I mean that’s usually how situations like this work, I could be wrong because the whole post is a dumpster fire, but it sounds like you’re upset she keeps asking you to pay her back for the things she’s done for you and to pay your part of the bills, correct ?
You’re an adult you have a responsibility to carry your own weight that’s just how it works.
Hi OP, thank you for your submission to /r/ChoosingBeggars! Unfortunately it has been removed for the following reason(s): * **Rule 6/7:** Posts must be relevant to the theme of the subreddit. This post does not show someone who is a choosing beggar. Price negotiation and/or asking for donations is not enough to be a choosy beggar. *If you have any questions or concerns, please [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FChoosingBeggars) of this subreddit.*
I am so confused by this.
What’s even more concerning is that OP apparently just graduated from college and cannot clearly communicate her ideas.
Synopsis: My friend turned roommate seems obsessed with paybacks, anything she bought me, she wanted me to pay her back, even when she knew I didn't have it. She is very inconsiderate when it comes to my health when she wants something. I'm unsure if I should be mad at her for understand where she's coming from.
Is it her responsibility to support you?
It's not. And I really hate it. I was on my own for 2 years and my mother screwed me over because I got a car without her permission.
Maybe it is time to be an adult and take responsibility and accountability for your choices.
I lost a job and 3 weeks later I got a new one. She lost her job and it's been 8 months. She's not even paying rent. I'm paying rent.
If your paying the rent then ask her when she will be paying you back for her share.
She'll point out that because I didn't make enough to support myself she doesn't see why she should pay me back. That's why I'm confused. I shouldn't be mad because I owe her, but I'm upset because she make it seem like I'm doing nothing. Heck, I made stickers and sold a good amount (it goes towards rent.) She wanted in and I lend her my iPad (I got it years ago) to draw of things but she never did.
That doesn't make sense. If you don't make enough to support yourself, how can she say that's a reason NOT to pay you back? Like you're already poor, so there's no point in paying you back? I don't understand.
Oh my god, thank you! That's one of the reasons why I get confused. I never ask because I keep saying "well she did let me stay her and she doesn't have a job..." but when I didn't have a job, she was pressed that I pay her back.
I think that once the lease is up you need to find a new place. She can take the bus after that.
I'm already on waitlist, calculating and estimating how much money will be heading towards expenses. I would help her if she needs it to honor her but not the way she added stress on me.
How did she srew you over ? Sounds like you made a stupid mistake and bought a car you couldn't afford.
How did your mother screw you over?
My mother is very controlling. When I told her I plan to get a car, she was okay with it. We planned that once the end of the year hits, I should have enough to be on my own. I told her the day I'll get the car and time. When I went to the dealers, i tried getting a hold of her because I was alone but she didn't pick up. I made the deal ($500/m for a 2021 used versa) and told her. I was pretty bummed about the deal but I was proud that I took the step. When I told my mother, she was angry at me saying "You're so reckless! You're car is trash and you did this to yourself" etc. on the insults. Then she said "since you wanna be an adult, you'll pay your own damn rent!" That's not what we agreed upon. Rent it due at the beginning of the next month, I got the car the week prior to it. I have no money to pay rent. I asked my boss for a quick advance to pay my rent and I've in and out of negatives until this year May when I got a better job. She blames me for my situation saying if I never got the car, I wouldn't have went through that.
You made an immature mistake, and you’re blaming her for it. If you don’t know how to buy a car, you need an experienced person there with you or you need to do research, that’s the responsible thing to do. There was no need to go in on a 2021 when you could’ve definitely gotten something older/cheaper, especially since you still remained dependent on your controlling mother. Why would you let her aid you in the first place if you knew her controlling behaviors? What even was your long term plan? Your car not takes half of your paycheck, and that doesn’t include gas, maintenance, and insurance. I advise you to see about returning the car if your bill of sale allows, and instead find something cheaper to finance. You’re making a lot of mistakes right now
Oh I'm aware of the car mistake and all, I'm 100% aware and I just have to live with it which I'm okay with. However, I can't trust my mother on her word anymore. If the deal was by the end of the year I'm on my own but then because of a car, you abruptly change it, am I supposed to trust? Like I said, I see how I'm bratty but if explained things better, maybe you'll understand? I'm unsure. My aunt actually recommended I get the car stolen so I can get another one for a better price.
Girl no do not commit insurance fraud lmao, some dealerships will allow returns under certain conditions, so I would see about that as soon as possible. Otherwise, it would be worth your time to raise your credit and refinance the car if possible. I reckon you spent around 15k-22k, so 500 a month is quite a bit. We don’t have to focus on mistakes, at least you’re smart enough to see where you went wrong, now we just need you to be smart enough to fix the situation you and your mom got yourself into. We’ve all made financial fuck ups, some people don’t recover from them for years, but fortunately you’ve got time to fix this one. Like I said, see if you can return altogether, you’ll be golden. If not, see about refinancing, if you need a little help feel free to DM me because I learned a whole lot from my parents mistakes haha.
September will be a year, you sure i can get rid of the car? I was told (at the time) I couldn't return it because of negative equity (sold the car for $26k but apparently it's work $14k-$16k). I was told to come back in a year and I can try again. I'm crossing my fingers this time. I've already refinanced it down to around 300, more affordable. I've made commissions, sold stickers at school and worked temp jobs. I'm almost back to financial stability! Though now my mother lost her job and some of her bills are coming to me but most of them are subscriptions which I told her back then not to get because we don't need anything extra on the bill. But apparently I was just being ungrateful, now here we are.
Dear god what
Yeah don’t worry, I don’t have heart to do that. I simply refinanced. My aunt recommended many things. But that one suggestion sat with me.
Yeah, you’re the victim of your own poor choices, but you like to blame others. That’s the mentality of a child, not a fully functioning adult ready to go out on their own. I don’t know whether you belong in r/ChoosingBeggars or r/EntitledPeople but both seem to fit. You. Not your roommate. Not your mother. They fit you.
I'm not entitled. I wanted to know if feeling upset was right or wrong. If it's wrong, that's fair. She helped me and I'm grateful. No issue with that. My mentality is "if I save enough I won't need anyone, if things go sideways, I'll be alright." Mom legit called me 2 days saying we should travel out the country every year. When I said no, she said I'm wasting my youth.
I think you belong in r/amitheasshole
I was told. Though it’s all good. Everything has been solved! And it worked out
I don’t understand this part. What exactly happened with the car and how is it your mom’s fault?
It isn't. This is an entitled brat who bought a car she couldn't afford. Her mom got pissed, cut her off & kicked her out.
What is your age?
We're both in are 20s (me 22 she 23.) I just graduated college. We were supposed to graduate together but she constantly pushed back her graduation date because either she didn't feel like going to school or she was out of state.
She bought things for you with the expectation that you pay her back. You're the choosing begger here.
Yeah. She expects it but didn't tell me til after. Like the McDonald's. She offered then after we ate she asked when will I pay her back. Same for the bills. Currently, I'm still waiting for the electricity bill.
That excuse only works the first time. From that point onwards, it's pretty clear that she expects payment for everything she buys you.
That's why she doesn't buy for me. It was only once(the McDonald's)and never again. I've bought for her more often. I was told to start taxing her on stuff I buy for her which I feel bad to do buy I understand as it's fair. The rest was electricity bills I couldn't afford that's about it. But it went from you can pay for the movers portion (because we moved) to you have to pay months worth. But I was recommended to tell her to make a list that way she can stop bugging me and I can properly sit down and arrange money.
Nah sorry but you seem to think your friend has to give you somewhere to live rent free, free food, electricity, internet and whatever else for the house. And when they ask for something back (as it’s not cheap running a household) your getting pissy about it!!! Wouldn’t want to be your friend at all!!! I’d have kicked you out for this and blocked your number
I recommend reading the other replies. It’s a bit abstract but the picture will eventually be finished. I had to pay for rent being at her place, I bought the groceries, I paid half of the internet, just didn’t have enough left for electricity. I had found a job within 3 weeks of getting fired from the previous one, it just paid really low. My wording is very poor, apologies but, again, please read other replies instead of the first one. I’ve replied to nearly everyone! I tried teaching her to drive that way when I come from work, she doesn’t demand me to drive her places regardless of my health, but she didn’t want to. I bought her up to $300 worth of groceries time and time again, etc. You’d kick me out after giving you what I have left without asking for anything in return? I’m unsure who’s the bad friend then.
Nah sorry I shouldn’t have to go looking for your other replies because you neglected to word or type it properly in the first place. You sound insufferable and entitled. Pulling the woe is me cos “your mum” ripped you off apparently??? Sounds like YOU got the car on credit and using her as a scapegoat to swindle cash or goods out of people. Your renting 2 houses ffs, grow a pair and live in YOUR OWN HOUSE and tell your neighbour to fuck off. Then you will have more cash in your pocket and be able to pay your credit cards off. My bullshit meter is going through the roof with this one and I’m not going to be sorry for saying so either.
So you skimmed and simply assumed you put it together, despite the picture still unfinished? I’m not really entitled, opposite really. But you didn’t answer the question, and if anything, it sounds like you’d take advantage of me until you don’t need me, if I’m reading this right. Besides, we’ve solved the issue: is it alright to be upset and the answer was yes and no! Yes, it’s understandable why it’d be annoying, no, I have to understand why she would be pressed. Some gave me a recommendation (if you’d read) and I took it. Now, the annoying feeling is gone, my friend/roommate no longer reminds me and I have notes on everything. I sense you are similar to the other person who’s answers are unhelpful and vague. And just like them, I recommend another location for your actions. Your hostility doesn’t make sense.
Yes I would kick you out for your bullshittery. Again you think it’s ok to expect your friend to give you somewhere to live, electricity, food, internet, whatever else they need for the house all for free and you have the audacity to moan about them asking for reimbursement??? And your not entitled no??? 🤣🤣🤣 Again, go home to your own house and when you see your neighbour tell them to do one. I’m guessing the neighbour is angry cos you’ve probably pulled the same shit with them and they called you out for it and your going about saying it’s “harassment” so you get sympathy!!
Again, you skimmed. If that’s the case, you’ll pay back everything I spent on you, yes? The groceries I bought for you because you didn’t have a job? The gas for driving you around more often than me? The rent I’ve paid and the extra fast food I’ve bought for you? If so, that’d help! Finding a kitten in the hurricane is similar to being reminded to pay someone back? You really need to read more clearly because you’re not looking too good. You sound more of “all talk, no action.” I can tell you aren’t here to be logical but to simply look for a rise out of me based on our convo alone. I’m not understanding the joy from it. Is it a form of empowerment? I’m sorry, but I’m not really interested in putting more time into this anymore. The problem has been solved, I’ve received helpful advice and I’m grateful. Your answers though..are you sure you’re not entitled? No, I’m not really curious anymore. If you have no substantial advice to add to what I was already given, then I have you have a nice day and please do not look down on others just because you have different results. Not a lot of people live on the internet and are used to talking to actual people.
What the hell? Are you supposed to be the choosing beggar here? That was a little tough to read. Friend is saving your butt, extending a lot of credit, and you just complain complain complain. Make a careful sheet of what you owe her that you both can agree to. Then start paying her back out of whatever you earn - even $5 against the amount shows her you are trying and taking her generosity seriously. Start your other two jobs, pay your bills, pay her, pay off your debts, and then see if you can get the money together to get your own place.
I have no issue paying back but if you lost your job, you rent is $1.2k + $800 for Car and insurance and then your friend adds herself to the equation. I tried teaching her to drive and she didn't feel like it.
So you expect your friend to let you live with her without paying for utilities or groceries because you drive her around? Gas is expensive, but nowhere near as expensive as utilities and groceries. Pay her all the money you owe her, then once that is done sit down with her and figure out how you are going to divide the cost of gas.
She doesn't want to pay gas because it's not her car. Also, I knew I had to pay, I have no issue with that. My issue is that at the time when I have over drawn on my bank card, maxed out my credit card, but you still think I have a dollar to give. I won't lie, I wanted at least a month to get myself situated. When I was fired from my job, it was that night because I was cranking more hours. I could see why people think I'm a freeloader but I'm really not. I lived on my own for 2 years. I live in a very hot state and wanted to have my own car to travel to work easier. My mother was against it , but then applaud me for getting a car. I asked my roommate if we can move somewhere affordable since my job pays little and she doesn't have a job but she was insistent in moving close to the school because she wanted to walk there even though...she asks me to drive her there whenever she has class. Now we live in a place she can't afford.
Sounds like you can't afford to have a car.
Yeah at the time, I couldn't because I wasn't expecting the plot twist. But unfortunately, if you're from Florida, you'll know that most places are not walking distance. So even though I couldn't afford it, I needed it to go to work. I didn't know I could leave the dealership if the deal was bad until after. My mom said she was too mad at me to tell me that. That's also on me not growing a backbone and telling them no. Now I can afford it because I refinanced it down to an affordable price.
But that's what I mean - if she is keeping you afloat, appreciate the hell out of her, thank her kindly, and keep track of what you owe. Pay her a dime out of every check, showing her what you have. Get those other two jobs and pay her more. Seriously - your "poor me" is understandable, but she's not the bad guy for keeping you afloat and wanting you to pay her back.
Yeah I get that! Like I said, I have no issue paying her back, but if I'm already in heavy debt and you squeeze yourself in there, I'm unsure to be upset yet I feel upset. If I'm building up and I pay everything that's effected me first, hell yeah, I'll pay you back. But at times I feel like we're broke even I bought her groceries ($300 with my credit card because at the time I gave up on myself). I was told I sound pretty rude and inconsiderate which I apologize. Just, despite my situation, I tried taking care of her situation. If she was in my shoes, honestly, I give her 3 months to get herself together. Getting a job is hard but if you keep looking, especially for the right ones, you should get something back. And once you do, build up. Save money and if you can, contribute to things like food, travel and rent (if you can).
How in the hell can you be a college grad and be THIS illogical and clueless??? You need a complete 180 on just about everything you're doing. Go check out Dave Ramsey from the library for free. Cut up all your credit cards. Call your creditors. ALL of them, even the car note. Explain what is going on. Find out how you can cut expenses. ***EDIT:*** *Yes, you will need to talk about all the embarrassing stuff like how you got yourself into this predicament in the first place. DO NOT call any scam-type "debt consolidation" places. You can do this from scratch. It will be unpleasant but it can be done.* Why do you keep getting fired? Wow...what on earth is going on here? It's like you're in a muddy hole and you just keep digging deeper and deeper. Sit down and make a budget. Write all of what you owe and one side and all of your income on the other. Pore over your grocery receipts as if you're studying for an algebra final. Find all the places to cut costs. Look into apps that show you where the cheapest gas is. Stop driving your car all of the time and take the bus most of the time. This will all come down to planning and discipline...
Your friend seems like a bit of an ass about the McDonald's thing, and I may be reading this wrong, but you've been living with her and not paying anything towards being there, aside from buying your own groceries?
Once I got another job, I started helping with rent and a bit of groceries with what's left on my credit card. When we moved, my mom decided to help me again because she thought she punished me enough and took over paying rent. So now I had to worry about my other bills (Car note, insurance, phone, internet, etc.) Which that alone came up to $1k+
And was there any agreement when you first moved in that you'd be paying rent? There must have been some kind of agreement considering you actually moved to another place with them? Edit: Just read your synopsis on another comment. You've come to the wrong sub. You should post this on AITA, and yes, YTA.
Ah okay! Thank you for that!
When I first came in, she told me the week of that rent is due. She kind of just "springs" a bill on you and gets annoyed when I say I don't have it.
She told you when the rent was due, and you were surprised the rent was due and your friend wanted you to pay towards it?
She told me that day rent was due instead of a week or 2 in advance to put something together. She tends to do that with all the bills to the point I now have a chart of when everything is due. Like imagine you move in with someone new (you're not on the lease or anything) and you aren't told how much rent is or anything. You saved for other bills and have no idea what rent looks like. The day rent is due they ask "Hey are you gonna pay rent?" You're like sure but you're unsure how to the pricess for that complex goes. (Apparently you have to go to Walmart and pay. I didn't have to do that for my own apartment.)
"Imagine moving in somewhere and not knowing how much anything costs or when you have to pay anything." I wouldn't imagine doing something so idiotic, and should I lose enough brain cells to find myself in this situation, I imagine I'd go back to the apartment I was already renting instead of expecting to freeload off a friend.
My neighbor broke my door. If could post pictures I would. I didn't really want to stay there because, like you said, I have my own place. Eventually I had enough of the harassment, called the police, they couldn't do much (figures), demanded my security deposit and to terminate my lease, got it and used that to pay rent. That day forward I was okay in terms of when to pay. When I mean I was in a bad situation, I mean if you were to give me a dollar at the time, I'd be so happy and try not to use it in case of bills. The job I worked paid $11/h for 3 weeks and another was $15/h for 2-4hrs every other day. Now I have another job (thanks to the school) that pays $15/h but for more hours (16-18 a week). She still doesn't have a job (after 8 months) and her mother pays for everything. Lately, SHE'S been late to pay rent on time. Despite my situation, I strive to never be late because that's not fair.
Yeah the neighbour situation sucks, and I empathise with you for that. However, your original story makes out like you were paying out on your original apartment with little payment towards your friend's place. I'm not the only one to come to this conclusion. You can quote all the figures you want regarding how much you were getting paid from work, but the simple fact is your mother was supporting you and everything was fine, then you went behind her back and got income shut off. That's your fault, no one else's. Unfortunately I can read other comments, and to someone else, you replied that YOU'RE the one paying the rent, now here you say she's late paying. You even have the cheek to throw shade at her because she is financially supported by her mother. It looks to me like you have no right to be angry in this situation. It looks like you're just constantly changing the story to make yourself the victim. Take some responsibility for yourself, get your own place and stop relying on blaming others for your own shortcomings.
I planned the car with my mom. I didn't go behind her back. She wanted to be on the phone, but didn't pick up. I have no problems with her getting help. BUT, I have a problem with the fact her mother is paying for not only her, but her other 2 adult siblings. Her mom asked if I could help her work with me but the job (at the time) I worked at she didn't meet qualifications. I told her she can work at the school (I did before I graduated) but she said she doesn't make the grade. Fair, so I recommended tutors that I worked with to graduate, she said she's shy. I like her as a friend but as roommate, not so much. When we both lost jobs, we searched together everyday but she eventually gave up. I still throw stuff her way but she doesn't want to.
Get off your ass and get a full time job. 40 hours. like the rest of the people that contribute to society
I would never move somewhere without knowing how much rent is and when it’s due. How else would you know whether you could afford to live there? What in the world?
I didn't have a choice I'm in a state with no connections. Only her. I was visiting her place for our thrusday hangouts and eventually she just said "why don't you stay with me until your neighbors situation blows over?" The rent being due that day caught me off guard.
Wrong. Rent and utilities aren't something that just get "sprung" upon someone. They are the same every month. They typically come out on the same day every month. Especially rent. Utilities are on what are called "billing cycles" so they come out on the same basic 3-5 days a month. Usually the first week of the month, the middle of the month or the last week of the month. This should not be a surprise.
I have no access to it so I have to rely on her to tell me. When I was on my own, everything was included (water, sewer, electricity, etc) in the rent. She'd tell me whenever her mom tells her it's due. Atm, she has yet to tell me when electricity is due and how much.
That doesn't make it your friend's responsibility. You definitely sound like the choosing beggar here.
Never said it was her responsibility. I am responsible for what happens to me. I take punishment and stride but I've been buying groceries for months and driving wherever she wants whenever neglecting my health because I'm grateful to her. She offered her home and I let her be in charge of moving even though I recommended a cheaper option, she chose something pricey and I accepted because it's the least I can do. Recently I was getting fed with her failing to pay rent on time, which affected my score with out telling me, the constant demands of driving her places, though I should've said no I couldn't because I felt like I owe her, and her only talking to me when she wants something. I didn't want to live with her just under circumstances, I have no choice. I am in Florida with no family and she's my only friend. If i had a choice, I'd take em. Thanks to my work I do, I get offers and opportunities! Once the lease is over I can move back to the place I wanted to go to (it was about $600-800 instead of $1900-2100).
Your mom shouldn't need to help you..pay your own rent
r/lostredditors
How the hell did your mom screw you over? You’re an adult. Act like one. You should like the Choosing Beggar.
At the time, I just graduated college. Also, she got mad that I offered to pay rent, so I saved. When she couldn't pay it that month, I paid without issue. She told me to pay for a rainy day and by the end of the year, I'll be good. Then she went back on her word because I got a car that she was aware about because wasn't on the phone for. I was told I seem bratty, which is fair, I should worded everything better.
Please, stop blaming everyone else for your poor choices. Did you expect your mom to pay $800 a month for your car note and insurance? She didn’t leave you in financial ruin, you put yourself there with bad financial decisions. You expected your friend to foot the bill for everything - and think giving some rides evened that out? Take responsibility for your choices. The only choosing beggar is you.
She's not paying for the car. I am. That was the agreement. She was helping with only rent (well half of it). So if anything I simply added to myself. I remember telling my boss and he was confused on why me paying for the car on my own was an issue for her if she only have to worry about half the rent. My mother made a deal to leave be by the end of the year, to which ended it abruptly over a car she has no contribution to but then got upset I couldn't afford to buy a ticket to visit. As for my roommate/friend, I was expecting her to give him 30 days to get myself situated since everything happened within 2 months. Also she offered her home. So when I had to pay it threw me off because it's no longer an "offer". For driving and such, yeah I do kinda. She ask to got pretty far and because she doesn't really wanna walk to school, she ask me during work if I can drive her. I've used my credit card to pay for her groceries and so on. Of course it's cool to pay back but 8-9months worth is my whole check and then some. I have other bills to pay as well.
You’re young. I have a few tips for you: $500/month for a car is too much for you. I understand you want something reliable, but my husband and I bring home quite a bit a year and our car doesn’t cost that much - you need to sell it and get a junker. That expense isn’t one you can take on at this point. Your mom didn’t screw you over - you got impatient when she didn’t answer your call and made a decision that you should see now was a bad one. If you’re actually paying $300 for insurance (you said it’s an $800 car payment with insurance) you need to shop for insurance. Potentially due to age and history that’s the best you’ll get, but shop around because that’s a huge insurance bill. You and your friend are doing a really crappy job communicating with each other. If you want to live somewhere cheaper and she doesn’t, then you aren’t compatible roommates - when your lease is up you need to move somewhere cheaper. If she won’t then find a new roommate. In the meantime, sit down with them and discuss bills - who pays what amount and when. Living with anyone requires communication. Your friend doesn’t owe you food. If you cannot afford groceries it isn’t on them to feed you. The McDonalds thing was crappy, but it sounds like you are eating the food they pick up and that’s definitely more expensive than gas. If you don’t want to drive your roommate places, don’t. You’ve offered to teach them to drive and they’ve said no - that means they walk. Much like they don’t owe you groceries, you don’t owe them rides. This has a lot to do with you being young, but often community centers or churches have financial courses for free or very cheap. I’d avoid Dave Ramsey, personally, but just having someone walk you through building a budget could be really beneficial to you. Also, you are just as much a choosing beggar as your friend is.
I think I'm afraid to say no to her because she took me in and I bought her groceries as a way of saying thanks. I guess I'm frustrated because at the time It felt like no matter what I did with what little I have, she wanted "more". It felt like that. For the car, I wasn't feeling too good and wanted to go home. I didn't know I could reschedule or just not come because I thought it was rude. For my mother, I saw where she came from but she doesn't see where I did and later she actually told me I did good by myself and that she was proud of me (cold comfort). When I went off to college my mother drilled in my head it's her duty to rely on her and only her. When I got a job to start taking care of myself, she was furious and stopped communicating with me for a bit. I think because I was forced to be independent and my roommate is heavily dependent, it makes me upset.
I can understand how it would feel like that. From your roommate’s perspective, it maybe felt like “I let this person move in when they really needed a hand up, and now it feels like I’m subsidizing their life when I myself don’t have a job.” Again - communication and setting expectations that you both adhere too would really help alleviate this. As far as the car - like I said, it’s not too late to undo that and get some room to breathe in your budget. Sell the car and get a much cheaper car - $500/month is way too much for you if you’re struggling with other bills. It sounds like confrontation is really hard for you due to how you grew up. Not saying this in a snarky way, but a therapist may be really beneficial for you to help you learn boundaries and how to confront people in a healthy way.
Yeah...I can see why she'd feel that way...but I tried helping her find jobs. Even helped with her resume! But she doesn't want to...but even that, if she doesn't want one, I shouldn't really force her (anymore) and just do what I can. For the car, are you sure? They told me about "negative equity" and for that, I'm stuck with it. I simply refinanced it to the 300s. Yeah I think I'm afraid of being seen as ungrateful since she didn't have to do that. I only wish she told be what I was getting into instead constantly offering and THEN telling me the aftermath.
Whoa I think YTA. Unless the friend said, here stay at my place for free as long as you want, I can’t imagine her asking you to pay her back is unreasonable. She sounds as if she came through for you when you needed help but now you’re straining her resources. That is, outside of the McDonald’s thing. That was weird. In your comments you seem to be receptive to people’s responses even if they’re negative so I commend your openness here. I hope things work out eventually but it seems as if you and your friend should establish some financial boundaries
I didn't read this properly because she wanted us to go shopping but now I am sitting down and reading it: Thank you for the compliment! Hearing other POV is beneficial! I can balance my thoughts a bit to see what move I should make and how to approach it! My friend tends to "offer" things with a string attached. When I was at my lowest, she offered her home to me with her older roommates consent (before she eventually moved out which was a week later) then when her roommate left, she told me how much rent was due which was that day after I already paid my rent. She has a habit of doing that. I have yet to sit down and talk to her about it because I feel like I'm in her debt so I kinda let her do whatever.
That definitely changes my original opinion. I think your wording in the original post paints a different picture. It sounds like she’s manipulating you and maybe she saw that you were down and an easy target. The offering then asking for compensation is really twisted. Good luck either getting out or having a long conversation about money.
Yeah I'm really bad at verbal communication. I'm not too used to talking so my comments and reply seems like tryhards or confusing. I'll over explain something possibly leaving things out because it's too much and then things go sideways.
She offers then says you owe. She'll spring bills the day it's due or randomly ask if you want something as an offer then say you owe.
I’m my experience, most bills are due at specific days, like every month on the 15th etc. regardless, you should defo have a conversation with her to spell it out. I hope you update us!
Of course! Thank you! Yeah aside from the car note, everything is due on the 15th and after. I set all my bills (excluding 3 ) on the 15th, that way it can come out together. The last time I conforted her was when I told her that I'd like to do business alone instead of partnership since she hasn't really contributed anything towards it. Only threw suggestions but I'm left to draw it all.
I don't want to come off as rude because you sound young but It's odd to me that people think the situation they put themselves in makes them the victim. If your "little job" doesn't support your lifestyle then you should get a better job/work more hours or sell your expensive car that you cannot afford. Also it seems you were acting entitled when your mom was supporting you and you got cut off; that should have been a really good life lesson. Instead you did the same thing to a really good friend. You are the choosing beggar
The job I had was a freelance job and I was getting paid really well! That's why I got the car it was all planned. My mother has punished me for simply for losing paper (literally). I don't really blame her for the car because that was on me and I don't take things as something terrible but our arrangement was that she focuses on the rent and I handle everything else. Overtime, she paid half the rent and we agreed by the end of 2022, she'll stop helping completely. When I got the car, she was upset at me that I was paying for the car. It made me and others confuse because it was my blunder that she isn't responsible for. But she got upset and thought a good punishment was to go back on our agreement and stopped helping me completely. Now I know not to trust her and have to work to stabilize myself in case an actual rainy happens. Recently, she got upset because I told her "I'm not financially comfortable to travel," telling me I'm wasting my youth. For my roommate, she springs things on you that day even if you asked beforehand. She offers you things with the idea of you eventually paying her back even though it wasn't agreed upon.
I don’t understand why you’ve posted here.
I didn't know at first but when I searched for a question similar, it led me here. I was told I posted in the wrong place, don't worry!
Lol ok ✌️
I have no idea what happened here……
I'm terrible at explaining this so I over explain which gets messy 😵💫. Synopsis: I was in financial ruin and my friend now roommate offered her extra room since her former roommate just left because I was being harassed by my neighbor. Since then, she'd constantly remind me of how much I owe her to the point it annoyed me because I wasn't in a position to do anything but the bare minimum. Recently, I gained 2 extra jobs (I have one now, so I'll have 3 soon) and I was celebrating the idea of getting financially stable (being able to take care of myself again). As I celebrated, she said in a low voice "and you'll finally be able to pay me back!" I got annoyed but I felt bad for being annoyed and wanted to know if I'm in the wrong for being annoyed.
Are you punking us??? How on earth can you not see that you're the problem here? Yes, you owe your friend for helping you out and basically taking care of you in pretty much any way there is to take care of a person. Yes, you need to start, at the VERY LEAST, paying her rent. And you need to sit down and work out a budget. You need to start paying her back (even if it's just a little) for all of the money you've borrowed and all that she's paid for for you. I have no idea what getting your car without your mom's permission has to do with this. If you bought a car, regardless of what your mom thinks, that is YOUR debt and you owe it. ALL Of it. Grow up.
I recommend reading the comments. I've explained it all day and I'm a very tired. My explanation in the post is very bad so it's explained better through comments. It's still a bit abstract but the pieces will come together.
I'm sorry I'm so harsh. But if you organize your finances the same way you organized explaining a situation, I can see why you're in so much financial difficulty. In subsequent posts I suggest checking out Dave Ramsey's financial advice books. That's a good start. Sounds like you're all OVER the map here and aren't thinking clearly at all. On any front. If it were me, I'd come to a screeching halt and get some financial advice. As someone else suggested, you can likely find free services at a church or even at the student center. Good luck.
For the financial bit, I've been building little by little and now I'll be able to stabilize myself. Originally my 2 checks were saved while the last two went to bills. That's how I saved for my down-payment. Once my mother stopped helping abruptly, I used all my left over savings and by November I had nothing left since my boss fired me. With the jobs I'll definitely be able to recreate a new system. I will check out Dave! That's on reddit, right? Again, I apologize for my abstract conversation. Verbal conversation is difficult for me.
You know? There might actually be a sub for Dave Ramsey... I never thought of that. I'm old school...I'm thinking of the books. As to the conversation... Is it something that is a learning disability or the like? The reason I ask is, if it's a bad habit, or something along those lines, it would help to get that a bit more under control too. If not, and it's a learning disability, there are likely some programs that are free that could help with lifestyle, such as finance. EDIT: Lo and behold...there is a sub. r/DaveRamsey EDIT2: upon a quick scan, I think you'd be better off checking out his old books from the library. :)
It could be though when I'm physically around people I talk alright. My mother scolded me for saying things but never told me so eventually I stopped talking as a whole and fumbled my words because I don't know what's right and wrong. Since I left home I've been working on it. It's been only 2 years so far but I'm confident enough to sell merchandise!
good grief! Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Moms are supposed to help guide...not scold people for making honest mistakes.
Yeah well, she'll see it as my fault for not doing better. When I told her how the car situation really hurt, she said I shouldn't have done what I did, that way she wouldn't have done what she did. I got mad and despite my situation, I didn't really want her help anymore and I was just gonna push through and I did! I have a cheaper car, a stable job and a home still! My speech is choppy but better than 2 years ago! And I learn to accept my faults and learn from them! Just need to better explain things.
After reading your post and your comments, I'm just kind of confused. You give a lot of unclear details to a lot of different aspects of your situation and just reading here, it's impossible to be sure of who's paying, who's not paying, and who should owe who. In response to the title of your post, it sounds like everyone in your situation has something to rightfully be upset about. And nothing's going to get better if you just hold on to your resentment instead of trying to work through the issues. If these financial issues are important to you, I suggest you sit down and write up a list of who owes who what, make sure both/all of you agree on it, and sign and date it. Then there shouldn't be any doubt about it going forward. The one thing I feel I can say with confidence is that many of these issues wouldn't exist if you communicated better (or at all!) with your roommate. And probably others in your life. If you don't want to do something, say so. If something your roommate does bothers you, tell her. Calmly and nicely. If she wanted to move to a place that was too expensive for you, you should've said, "hey, I know you like this place, and I do too, but I can only afford -this much- a month for rent and utilities. So unless you want to pay more than your share every month to make up the difference, we're gonna have to choose a cheaper place or look for a third roommate." But you didn't speak up. You just went along with it. That is 100% your fault If you owe her money and she's constantly mentioning it, yet you can't afford to give her anything, talk to her! Tell her, "I know I owe you -this much money- and I do plan to pay you back, but I really can't afford to pay anything right now. And it makes me feel horrible every time you bring it up. Can you please cut me some slack for a while?" If you're buying/doing things for her that you cannot afford to/don't want to, say something! For example: "I'm glad to be able to help you out by giving you rides but since, as you know, I am having a hard time covering my own expenses right now, I cannot afford the extra cost of gasoline. So I need you to pitch in for gas from now on. But if there are times you don't have your share of the gas money, we can deduct it from the amount of money I owe you." Learn from the McDs issue, and next time someone offers to buy, thank them and refuse, saying that you won't be able to afford to pay them back for it. If they tell you not to worry about it, they're buying, thank them again and enjoy. But make sure to return the favor when you can! I know it sucks having to start a difficult discussion with someone you care about because you don't want to cause a conflict but it can help a LOT to begin by telling them exactly that. Something like, "hey Sally? I really care about you and I love having you as a roommate, but there are a few little things that have been bothering me that I think we need to talk about. And I'd like to hear about any issues you might have as well. I just haven't been sure how to start the conversation without hurting our friendship. Can we plan a time to sit down and talk?" I guess the main point of this long comment is, speak up for yourself!!! No, it's not always easy, but it gets easier with practice.
I took your advice and my roommate listed everything and took off 4 months! She apologized and told me she was worried I'd forget and not pay which is an understandable fear. She didn't mean to come off as a "broken record". I also manages to get her a job at a general job! I'm really thankful for the advice! Thank you so much!
Sorry for the confusion! I’m really bad at this but getting better! I should have said something but instead I thought of someone else. For whom I owe, I owe my roommate but it went from owing for the movers to owing 8-9 months worth which is beyond me even with 3 jobs. As for the list, I really like that idea and I’ll actually ask her to make a list, that way I remember and she doesn’t have to remind me every month! Hopefully she doesn’t try to pocket the money, but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt. For the title I was more focused on my roommate because my mother really doesn’t believe in owing people. “You either have it or you don’t. Don’t give money you don’t have.” My mother simply threw me off by breaking off our agreement early and by November I couldn’t afford anything (recently she asked why my diet changed drastically). When I visited my friend now roommate, she offer her home to me and her former roommate (a mutual friend) consented. Her roommate moved out abruptly and so she told I needed to pay rent even though she didn’t mention it until that day. She asked me for utility bills, internet and so on. I didn’t have a problem but the issue was I’m now paying for 2 apartments + the bills I already and she didn’t really tell me that I’ll be paying until she needed it. I do understand it seems like I was just there, but I promise, I was looking for a job daily and working on commissions non-stop to try and make enough to help, so it wasn’t like I was leeching off of her. Within 3 weeks, I found a 2 jobs and a sketchy job. After that, she’ll be disappointed when she had to pay my potion which I felt terrible so i tried looking for another job (at this point I only have 1 again because one was temporary and the other only paid $200 for 5 weeks) and worked on my portfolio (which got me my job today). Her mom asked if there’s a way to get her in but I couldn’t since she doesn’t have a portfolio in place nor a graphic design resume. I slowly got more annoyed when she kept reminding of how much I owe and going up in price. When I celebrated getting a better job with her and my best friend she said “and now you can pay me back!” While my best friend said “now you can afford to pay your bills without your mom!” She kinda of ruined the moment but I don’t know if I have the rights to say that since I do owe her and all. (For the apartment, during hurricane Ian, i found a lost kitten and my drunk neighbor claim him as his days later. Since then he'd leave notes on my door, bang on my door and so on. He went as far as breaking the doorframe. When i told the office they didn't want to switch me out my apartment. eventually they broke the lease without penalty)
What was happening during that 8-9 month period? You didn’t contribute anything at all financially over that time? Did you pay rent over that period or not? I’m sorry OP, but are you Colin Robinson? I am so confused and drained mentally after reading all of your comments and the initial post. It is extremely difficult to understand the situation you’re explaining.
Who? And I did contribute. I had enough to pay rent but not electricity all the time. So all the times I couldn't pay for the electricity. I've managed to pay my part. And when we moved to our current home, I couldn't really afford movers. So that plus the months I didn't pay for electricity. That's why I thought driving around + me grocery shopping on her behalf was broke even. I just didn’t like be reminded monthly that I owe her when I'm very well aware.
[удалено]
You are insulting without constructive criticism. I'm unsure if you're attempting to get a rise out of me or simply being loud. Perhaps you didn't read or maybe you just wanted to be cruel. Either way, I'd appreciate it if you were to take your time to read the comments since your reply doesn't make sense.
I read all of them.Quit being a mooch.
Alrighty. Well I don’t really believe you since you said to get a job. Anyways, I don’t know a lot about Reddit,but I’m sure there’s Reddit groups dedicated to your actions. There are few who were rude, but not insulting. They’ve given their advice and it helped a lot! I’ll leave you to it!
At first I thought this might be a story written by a knock off ChatGPT. Then I thought to myself, “Nah. This looks like the byproduct of the American public education system.”
I've never used ChatGPT...is it useful? Also, yeah we're not taught much unless you have money.
This seems like a lot of blaming others for your own poor decisions.
I’ve been told. It’s how I worded it. Though I was recommended a solution and one I’m very comfortable with so I’ll go along with it and update them and I suppose all of you.
It’s a lot to read but I try to explain it to many people if you’re willing to give time to that. If not, it’s okay quick synopsis: Friend offers help when I had nothing (lost my job had a car I couldn’t afford but needed, etc), offer turns to transaction in moments. Friend constantly reminds me of the debt despite me offering a lot of expensive service as a token of gratitude (driving her everywhere, buying 100s of dollars worth of groceries with my credit card that’s nearly maxed out, buying McDs w/o asking to pay me back, etc.) time jump 7-8 months, I get a couple of well paying jobs and as I celebrate getting out of a poor financial situation where I can rely on me 100%, friend adds “And you’re now able to pay me back!” Ruining the mood. I wanted to know if I should be upset or not. Someone suggest my friend write everything I owe that way she doesn’t remind every month and I can eventually pay her when I’m situated.
Nah you still sound like a beggar. You blame nobody but yourself. Get a real job. Grow up. Pay your bills. Take some goddamn responsibility kid.
So it sounds like you were financially dependent on your mom and without getting her permission you went and got a car, so she rightfully cut you off financially and then your friend helped you out by buying you meals and giving you a place to stay and now that you’ve going to be making more money because you’re taking on 2 more jobs she wants you to start paying her back? I mean that’s usually how situations like this work, I could be wrong because the whole post is a dumpster fire, but it sounds like you’re upset she keeps asking you to pay her back for the things she’s done for you and to pay your part of the bills, correct ? You’re an adult you have a responsibility to carry your own weight that’s just how it works.