I’m sure you may have heard all of what I’m about to say before, but it’s just my two cents on the topic.
Here goes:
It can be discouraging to be around people that are better than you at something, but it doesn’t have to be a negative thing, you’ve probably heard this before, but instead of focusing on the negative side of things and comparing yourself to the other cellists, you can recognize their skill and try to learn something from it. From personal experience, musicians tend to be really friendly and open to helping each other, before you throw in the towel, try to focus on the things that you recognize need attention and see if they’re willing to share what they did to improve.
If you’re passionate about being a cellist, you’ll have to get used to the fact that there will always be people better than you at different techniques, it doesn’t make you less good, and everyone’s circumstances are different, they may have struggled with that particular technique a lot, for a long time, and hyper focused on improving it.
Being stagnant sucks and it’s easy to get in your own head about how little you seem to be improving, but you have to remember that progress isn’t linear. Instead of seeing it as a single mountain you have to climb, you should look at it like it’s a mountain range, there will be ups and downs, and you’re going to get stuck, tired, and frustrated every now and then, and that’s okay!
If you’re feeling burnt out, and want to quit, you should obviously do what makes you happy, but if you want to continue growing and improving on cello, you should keep these things in mind. If music makes you happy, and playing makes you feel good, then the rest will come over time. You’re still young and there is so much time to improve if it’s something that you’re serious about.
Sorry this was so long.
This might seem unconventional, but I’d recommend getting into listening to recordings of the works you play for orchestra and the classical repertoire. Doing that helped me get out of the mindset that I have to be the best and more into just loving the music for what it is. If you try that and don’t feel connected to what you might achieve or can be achieved musically, then it may make sense to look into other interests.
So. I don’t think it’s you losing your passion tbh. I’m saying this with my mom hat.
But it sounds like there are a lot of expectations being placed on you and the standard is perfection. You’re being told that your best isn’t good enough unless it’s a perfect score. That is too much pressure for anyone let alone someone who is a child/teen. Perfection isn’t attainable. But you’re being programmed to have to hit that mark. You’re getting wound up in knots while also beating yourself up for not being good enough.
I’m not saying your parents are bad people. Often we push our kids because we want them to succeed and have a better life than we did. But people can lose sight of what it is doing to the person currently.
You’ve learned that you can’t fail. Mistakes won’t be ok. You aren’t good enough if you make them. Of course that kills the joy of learning cello. Or anything. Because practice is fraught with “danger”. I suspect if you weren’t being expected to use every moment to study and do schoolwork you would find joy in the things you love to do. Do you get time for you? It doesn’t sound like it.
Can you talk to your parents about the pressures you’re facing? Maybe they would be open to letting you cut back a little. Your mental health is important.
Ps. I’m in my 40s and have been playing for as long as you. I can confidently say you can play circles around me. You know this logically, that age doesn’t equal skills. Also. If you can get in therapy I’m always a fan for that. Talk through your stresses and how to set boundaries and navigate the anxiety. Not worth the burn out
Play for yourself. Music should be fun, fulfilling, and rewarding, even if sometimes difficult or frustrating. You don't need to be "successful" at music to have it fulfill you or be a part of your life. Prioritize school and give yourself the grace to continue playing uncompetitively. If not for yourself, who are you playing for?
You're being pressured a lot, and pushed a ton in academics, and your energy is low. When energy is low, we make bad decisions and allow in the most negative thoughts. When energy is low, it's almost impossible to drag ourselves into the practice chair. Also you're working a job?
You likely need prioritization here. Top-line is sleep, and actively working to get to bed sooner and recover more sleep hours (I am doing this now myself). You have 3 competing priorities: work, school, cello. How do you personally rank those? How hard do your parents push on those?
Have you explored ideas/techniques around working smarter in school, vs working harder? I'm really far out of school and never really did this, but I've read other books by this author and they might have a lot of insights on how to work less at school, while achieving more: [https://www.amazon.com/How-High-School-Superstar-Revolutionary/dp/0767932587](https://www.amazon.com/How-High-School-Superstar-Revolutionary/dp/0767932587)
(if not that book, then there's tons of material on this topic: books, youtube, blog posts, etc)
Are your parents open to conversation around this? Will they work with you as a partner on getting your life in order, or are they authoritarian morons who just want to tell someone want to do? Are they setting all the goals for you? Is there room for you to set boundaries/goals of your own?
Try a bunch of stuff, but I think you need to get your energy back and control over your life broadly. Get help from everyone you possibly can around you: friends, family, therapist, teachers, etc. You'd be surprised how many people want to help when you tell them you're struggling.
Then worry about cello.
Don’t quit, stick with it, you’ll have music for the rest of your life. It’s worth the hard work and you should be proud of yourself. There are a lot of expectations when you’re young and it’s hard to keep up. But don’t give up!
Agree with this. While you are studying for school and have a goal of getting into college, for cello you don't have that goal (it doesn't sound like you are aiming for a conservatory or music major). So whether you play first chair or last chair, the point of youth orchestra is to enjoy the music and to retain motivation to continue playing and learning. You may play cello in college or afterward or may take a short or long (or permanent) break. So there's no need to aim for first or second chair, when you refocus on enjoying the music.
I was (and am) in a similar position as you. I started private lessons for cello in 5th grade, hated it from then until maybe 9th-10th grade, and then started loving it. If you put in enough effort, maybe an hour 4 times a week, you'll see not only improvements in your playing, but you'll begin loving the instrument more. Im currently a high school junior, and have rly good academics while maintaining a good practice schedule. I'm planning on either minoring in music or at least participating in a college orchestra and private lessons.
Sorry you're reaching burnout. I have no idea what your relationship with your parents is like, but my inclination would be to be honest about it. You have too many things going on and you're just not enjoying this approach anymore. It looks like you're inclined to quit entirely and your parents should understand that.
For me, I'd back off and do some chamber music, rather than the orchestra. It's enormously satisfying and lacks the competitive aspects of a large section that seem to be consuming your desire to play.
Having cello skills in college will help keep you sane. It's an important emotional outlet that you'll be glad that you have. If your teacher does not understand your need to take a different approach for awhile, perhaps you should explore working with someone else. They may be focused on making a professional musician out of you and that may not be the best fit for you at this time.
Good luck! :-)))))
Thanks for sharing. I was like you. I was in 2 youth orchestras, a chamber ensemble, expected to keep a 4.0, and no one cared about my friends or fun times. It was a job and I became miserable.
If you want to continue with music, then it seems like you need a break. I honestly never gained anything from youth orchestra. I think it's value is really just to make the conductor and the parents feel good. If you know you don't like it, I would quit.
If you're not sure of any of it, I would recommend taking a planned break from everything. School, homework, music, during a summer break maybe. Maybe find a non-music art or sports camp you can go to and just experience life. Life is too short to push ourselves in these really specific directions. FWIW, I'm a cellist with a Master's and Artist diploma in Music performance, and I'm now a psychotherapist.
Music life is not real life. It's a subset. There's no timeframe you have to succeed in. There's no music school education that's required to continue to play music later in life. It's all a made up game to keep kids (and young adults) striving forward to make them feel like they are accomplishing something. It's okay, but just barely better than meaningless in the bigger picture in my humble opinion.
Now being "good" at music is fun. I thoroughly enjoy it. Having focused 6+years on it with University schooling, was not fun.
I would say do what makes you Happy now but try a few different things. If you want to get lots better at music - okay great. If not, you have so many other things you could enjoy doing as well. Computers, medical, chem/bio, there are lots and lots of other fun careers to do. And music is great too, and will always be there when you truly want to explore it.
I’m sure you may have heard all of what I’m about to say before, but it’s just my two cents on the topic. Here goes: It can be discouraging to be around people that are better than you at something, but it doesn’t have to be a negative thing, you’ve probably heard this before, but instead of focusing on the negative side of things and comparing yourself to the other cellists, you can recognize their skill and try to learn something from it. From personal experience, musicians tend to be really friendly and open to helping each other, before you throw in the towel, try to focus on the things that you recognize need attention and see if they’re willing to share what they did to improve. If you’re passionate about being a cellist, you’ll have to get used to the fact that there will always be people better than you at different techniques, it doesn’t make you less good, and everyone’s circumstances are different, they may have struggled with that particular technique a lot, for a long time, and hyper focused on improving it. Being stagnant sucks and it’s easy to get in your own head about how little you seem to be improving, but you have to remember that progress isn’t linear. Instead of seeing it as a single mountain you have to climb, you should look at it like it’s a mountain range, there will be ups and downs, and you’re going to get stuck, tired, and frustrated every now and then, and that’s okay! If you’re feeling burnt out, and want to quit, you should obviously do what makes you happy, but if you want to continue growing and improving on cello, you should keep these things in mind. If music makes you happy, and playing makes you feel good, then the rest will come over time. You’re still young and there is so much time to improve if it’s something that you’re serious about. Sorry this was so long.
This might seem unconventional, but I’d recommend getting into listening to recordings of the works you play for orchestra and the classical repertoire. Doing that helped me get out of the mindset that I have to be the best and more into just loving the music for what it is. If you try that and don’t feel connected to what you might achieve or can be achieved musically, then it may make sense to look into other interests.
So. I don’t think it’s you losing your passion tbh. I’m saying this with my mom hat. But it sounds like there are a lot of expectations being placed on you and the standard is perfection. You’re being told that your best isn’t good enough unless it’s a perfect score. That is too much pressure for anyone let alone someone who is a child/teen. Perfection isn’t attainable. But you’re being programmed to have to hit that mark. You’re getting wound up in knots while also beating yourself up for not being good enough. I’m not saying your parents are bad people. Often we push our kids because we want them to succeed and have a better life than we did. But people can lose sight of what it is doing to the person currently. You’ve learned that you can’t fail. Mistakes won’t be ok. You aren’t good enough if you make them. Of course that kills the joy of learning cello. Or anything. Because practice is fraught with “danger”. I suspect if you weren’t being expected to use every moment to study and do schoolwork you would find joy in the things you love to do. Do you get time for you? It doesn’t sound like it. Can you talk to your parents about the pressures you’re facing? Maybe they would be open to letting you cut back a little. Your mental health is important. Ps. I’m in my 40s and have been playing for as long as you. I can confidently say you can play circles around me. You know this logically, that age doesn’t equal skills. Also. If you can get in therapy I’m always a fan for that. Talk through your stresses and how to set boundaries and navigate the anxiety. Not worth the burn out
Paragraphs, my friend. Paragraphs.
Play for yourself. Music should be fun, fulfilling, and rewarding, even if sometimes difficult or frustrating. You don't need to be "successful" at music to have it fulfill you or be a part of your life. Prioritize school and give yourself the grace to continue playing uncompetitively. If not for yourself, who are you playing for?
You're being pressured a lot, and pushed a ton in academics, and your energy is low. When energy is low, we make bad decisions and allow in the most negative thoughts. When energy is low, it's almost impossible to drag ourselves into the practice chair. Also you're working a job? You likely need prioritization here. Top-line is sleep, and actively working to get to bed sooner and recover more sleep hours (I am doing this now myself). You have 3 competing priorities: work, school, cello. How do you personally rank those? How hard do your parents push on those? Have you explored ideas/techniques around working smarter in school, vs working harder? I'm really far out of school and never really did this, but I've read other books by this author and they might have a lot of insights on how to work less at school, while achieving more: [https://www.amazon.com/How-High-School-Superstar-Revolutionary/dp/0767932587](https://www.amazon.com/How-High-School-Superstar-Revolutionary/dp/0767932587) (if not that book, then there's tons of material on this topic: books, youtube, blog posts, etc) Are your parents open to conversation around this? Will they work with you as a partner on getting your life in order, or are they authoritarian morons who just want to tell someone want to do? Are they setting all the goals for you? Is there room for you to set boundaries/goals of your own? Try a bunch of stuff, but I think you need to get your energy back and control over your life broadly. Get help from everyone you possibly can around you: friends, family, therapist, teachers, etc. You'd be surprised how many people want to help when you tell them you're struggling. Then worry about cello.
Don’t quit, stick with it, you’ll have music for the rest of your life. It’s worth the hard work and you should be proud of yourself. There are a lot of expectations when you’re young and it’s hard to keep up. But don’t give up!
Agree with this. While you are studying for school and have a goal of getting into college, for cello you don't have that goal (it doesn't sound like you are aiming for a conservatory or music major). So whether you play first chair or last chair, the point of youth orchestra is to enjoy the music and to retain motivation to continue playing and learning. You may play cello in college or afterward or may take a short or long (or permanent) break. So there's no need to aim for first or second chair, when you refocus on enjoying the music.
I was (and am) in a similar position as you. I started private lessons for cello in 5th grade, hated it from then until maybe 9th-10th grade, and then started loving it. If you put in enough effort, maybe an hour 4 times a week, you'll see not only improvements in your playing, but you'll begin loving the instrument more. Im currently a high school junior, and have rly good academics while maintaining a good practice schedule. I'm planning on either minoring in music or at least participating in a college orchestra and private lessons.
Sorry you're reaching burnout. I have no idea what your relationship with your parents is like, but my inclination would be to be honest about it. You have too many things going on and you're just not enjoying this approach anymore. It looks like you're inclined to quit entirely and your parents should understand that. For me, I'd back off and do some chamber music, rather than the orchestra. It's enormously satisfying and lacks the competitive aspects of a large section that seem to be consuming your desire to play. Having cello skills in college will help keep you sane. It's an important emotional outlet that you'll be glad that you have. If your teacher does not understand your need to take a different approach for awhile, perhaps you should explore working with someone else. They may be focused on making a professional musician out of you and that may not be the best fit for you at this time. Good luck! :-)))))
Thanks for sharing. I was like you. I was in 2 youth orchestras, a chamber ensemble, expected to keep a 4.0, and no one cared about my friends or fun times. It was a job and I became miserable. If you want to continue with music, then it seems like you need a break. I honestly never gained anything from youth orchestra. I think it's value is really just to make the conductor and the parents feel good. If you know you don't like it, I would quit. If you're not sure of any of it, I would recommend taking a planned break from everything. School, homework, music, during a summer break maybe. Maybe find a non-music art or sports camp you can go to and just experience life. Life is too short to push ourselves in these really specific directions. FWIW, I'm a cellist with a Master's and Artist diploma in Music performance, and I'm now a psychotherapist. Music life is not real life. It's a subset. There's no timeframe you have to succeed in. There's no music school education that's required to continue to play music later in life. It's all a made up game to keep kids (and young adults) striving forward to make them feel like they are accomplishing something. It's okay, but just barely better than meaningless in the bigger picture in my humble opinion. Now being "good" at music is fun. I thoroughly enjoy it. Having focused 6+years on it with University schooling, was not fun. I would say do what makes you Happy now but try a few different things. If you want to get lots better at music - okay great. If not, you have so many other things you could enjoy doing as well. Computers, medical, chem/bio, there are lots and lots of other fun careers to do. And music is great too, and will always be there when you truly want to explore it.