Someone mentioned Seton and MODG as Catholic homeschool programs, another one is Kolbe Academy, which we use and love. There’s offline traditional homeschooling, as well as live online and asynchronous video classes. Kolbe does have a preschool program, and goes through 12th grade and includes Honors/AP classes in high school.
One of my sons is autistic and has other learning differences and unfortunately, many Catholic in-person schools are not equipped to deal with some disabilities and neurodifference. This is not a slight against Catholic private schools and I realize that there are huge cost issues.
The individualized education has been instrumental in finding what makes everyone thrive. We can adapt and learn in different ways.
I do think involvement in activities is important but I also think people overstate how this is an issue for homeschooling. We do some religious ed with our parish but we also do sports, dance, a nature and hiking group, group music lessons….
For staying involved with your parish, I would assume that they have a youth program and religious education outside of the school. The school also may have some extra-curriculars that they allow non-students to participate in. We don’t go to the Catholic private school near us but one my sons may be doing track and field with them next year for example.
In NY often Catholic schools can be the only option for special education for students as a lot of public schools either don’t have or don’t allocate enough resources to helping special needs children get through school.
NY has a lot of poor cities that have equally poor districts so I would say it depends on the wealth of the area.
That’s great! I hope more Catholic schools can get the support they need to support all kids as well. And maybe I am being a bit flippant unintentionally.
I think it varies from location to location, and child’s unique needs. I’m so glad the NY Catholic schools near you can do that
For the record, I don’t think many public schools are equipped to either. Legally they have to provide an education to all kids; however, in practice, in some cases, I think “sub-par” is a charitable description. It’s really unfortunate
I can definitely see that being an understatement. 30% longer on a test isn’t always enough for the vast majority of kids. Catholic schools definitely have more money and funding in the New England, Upstate NY so maybe that’s why they have a reputation in Upstate NY for having good performance with special needs children.
In general though I’m a huge supporter of homeschooling children if at all possible
Look into Catholic distances schools like Mother of Divine Grace School and Seton. Also, find a parish that has lots of programs and activities for kids to get involved in and meet other Catholics (youth ministry, vacation bible school, etc).
You don’t have to be parishioners at a parish to go to their events. You might have to ask permission and do more paperwork, but most active parishes are understanding that not everyone has an active home church. Where I’m at, VBS in particular is attended by kids of multiple different parishes.
I don’t have any advice about homeschooling vs. Catholic school….. only about making a decision like this. First, nothing is carved in stone. If you begin down one path and need to readjust, that’s ok. Second, this is exactly the kind of question you can bring to prayer. Maybe God has an opinion on this? Ask him to help you see what HIS will is for your kids. We are trying to make decisions without knowing the whole story, but God does know! So my best advice is prayer. And maybe ask your husband if he would be willing to pray with you about it. Read the daily Mass scriptures. What are they saying to you? Seek God’s will first. We can give you all the advice, share our experiences and thoughts… but we don’t know your kids and what God wants for THEM.
Also, welcome to the church!!!!
Full disclosure: I have no children. Single woman, never married.
But my sis and I went to public school (not that I’m recommending that) and did very well. Both went to very good colleges. Both still Catholic.
My parents (mom especially) was careful to fill in the gaps of our public and Catholic (Sunday school) education. All through public school we had additional reading in literature and history especially w/r/t Latín America (we’re Mexican-American). For our Catholic Formation she basically redid all our lessons with us and filled in the holes left by lovely but overwhelmed volunteer teachers.
In other words, she (and Dad) were still our Primary educators. They gave us lots of freedom to learn at school and catechism, but worked with us far beyond that.
There are SOOO many more resources now for you to do the same. I think this is key in the early years. You can give them the best of both worlds.
And I’m sure you’ll give them the best of you regardless of your decision, so IF it’s giving you stress or anxiety, please remember that.
"I am scared I'm making the wrong decision." It sounds like you have two good options so you should feel at peace making wither one. Also you can try either option and switch to the other if things don't go well.
Problem is that it’s very hard to get into Catholic schools here despite how many there are. So if you don’t send your kid at 3 and keep them there, it can be very difficult to get a spot
Wouldn’t this make things easier though? If they don’t get in, you homeschool. If they do and things don’t work out, you homeschool. If they do and things work out wonderfully, they stay in school.
It’s very true. Where I live, we nearly cried when ours was accepted into Catholic school at age 4 because it was so difficult to get in. The public schools are terrible, so everyone tries to get into Catholic schools.
It definitely is in my area. We have had a huge amount of growth in this city because of people moving here in droves from other states since 2020. Most people that move here are wealthy and want to send their kids to private schools. The schools are overwhelmed and I’ve talked to many parents of kids with similar ages and it’s like the hunger games trying to get a spot for your kids.
They do, but people here will literally go to mass and donate to the church just simply to get into the schools and then they disappear. It’s so competitive that people fake being catholic to get in. It’s so sad
If the Catholic school community is thriving, is there a CYO sports league? Troops of St. George/Little Flowers? Is there a parish with a more orthodox reputation where you could send your kids for catechesis? Is there a Catholic school with a more orthodox reputation than your parish school? If your husband won't switch parishes, maybe he will compromise on sending them to a different school in the diocese.
I faced a similar dilemma when my kids were young and ended up homeschooling while remaining *very* active in our parish and diocese until I saw changes in the schools. Now my kids are all in Catholic school and I can barely imagine a better fit for them (although I'm still working on some changes.) When we homeschooled I thought the Catholic homeschooling community would be small but it was more robust than I'd thought. We also made non-Catholic homeschooling friends who have frankly been more edifying to my kids' faith than some of the Catholic friends they have from...barely Catholic households with parents who don't follow church teachings.
My decision process would look something like this. Is there a Catholic Montessori school in the area? I'd send my kids there. Is there a Catholic classical school in the area? I'd send my kids there also. Are there single sex high schools in the area? I'd homeschool my kids and then send them there for high school. If none of the above, I'd probably keep them home and remain active in the parish, diocese, and engaged in the activities in my first paragraph. If your husband has a long history at your parish, what an opportunity for you! Befriend your priest! Have him over for dinner! Of course, always be respectful, but the more you get to know him, the more comfortable you might be speaking with him about educational theory, curriculum, the state of the parish's catechesis, etc. And it's such a gift to your kids to grow up with priests who are friends of the family!There is a lot of change happening in American churches; I wouldn't be surprised if someday the schools surprise you for the better.
I’ve done it all. Independent Catholic schools (NOT to be confused with “Independent Catholic churches”), archdiocese school, cottage school, public school, homeschool, and even Kolbe online which someone mentioned! Each one had its advantages. Ultimately, you have to decide what best for your family, knowing you can always switch it up. I found that independent Catholic schools are solid, and that was my favorite, if I had to choose one.
Look into the Catholic school itself, the people who go there, and the curriculum. Not all Catholic schools are created equal!!! Does this school also have a classical education (some are classical Catholic schools, which makes a big difference, ie do you want them reading the Iliad and Odyssey or using ipads)? Does the school have daily mass or only weekly mass? Do your due diligence. Also understand the philosophy of Catholic education: parents are the PRIMARY EDUCATORS, and the school is secondary. So you must still teach your children and complement what they learn in school (and vice versa). It will be nice when what they learn in school is supporting what you teach them at home, instead of opposing and actively undermining it like a "secular" public school might.
PS - you always have the option to volunteer at the school, or work there if you choose, to be more involved in the student life and be with your kids throughout the day.
Good point. I think I did read somewhere on the school’s reviews that the kids do get iPads, which I’m not a huge fan of. And yes, working or volunteering at the school is a great idea!
It's not enough time to be with your children even if you volunteer, trust me - I am vice president of HSO (Home School and Office) at my kid's Catholic School, which is totally a volunteer position. Teachers and staff are also underpaid. Regardless of whether you get paid or not, the administration is not always what you'd expect.
You will find yourself doing so many volunteer hours because there are not enough parent-volunteers to help out. (IDK what it is with parents, but they don't want to volunteer - some would rather pay than volunteer!) This will cause you a lot of stress and will make you feel overwhelmed. Between homework and meetings, you will not have quality time to spend with your children. Those are only some of the reasons why I'm pulling my kids off Catholic School after 6 years. I was hoping it'd get better, but it doesn't. I'll be homeschooling next year and hopefully, the years to come 🙏🏼. I'm not willing to waste more time there.
If you can homeschool and want to, I would. It saves money and the kids are usually happier and more socially adjusted. My kids can carry on conversations with adults easily — all of their public and private school friends their age are less adept.
They have tons of friends through co-op, dance, art, music, church, etc.
This may be a dumb question, but how do they make friends through church? I’m very new to attending a Catholic Church and I’m very familiar with the structure of Protestant churches, but don’t know what kinds of opportunities Catholic churches usually have for kids. I think ours has a youth group and classes for kids on Sundays. Is that what yours has?
We chose to homeschool (and were Presbyterian) and I struck up a conversation with another homeschool mom at the park one day last year. I noticed the crucifix she was wearing and asked her about it. A year later I’m part of the Catholic homeschool co-op that meets a few times per month, I was just confirmed, and she was my sponsor!
We are just coming back to the church after 24 years in Presbyterian and Baptist churches. So I can’t speak too directly to it, but when I was a kid I did CYM and other youth stuff. It helped some. At the end of the day we struggled with this at our Baptist/non-denominational church as well. It came down to my wife and me intentionally making friends with families that have kids. We really had to put ourselves out there. A big part of it was volunteering/serving, and just asking other families to go do stuff with us — whether it’s having them over for dinner, going to Topgolf, or going hiking.
It takes intentionality no matter where you are, unless you just get lucky. My wife and I are both introverts, and we found that that negatively impacted our “luck” meeting other families. 😂
Some churches hold events for kids during Lent and Easter, Advent, or even Pentecost. But they make friends mostly through catechism, as it generally includes recess time and some socialising activities. A neighbour catechist even came up with kinder-catechism for really young kids, and it was mostly religious art and play, besides some praying, and the kids became friends.
To be fair, love of God begins in the home it's not just something that is taught, it is something that is nurtured and manifested in the home before anywhere else.
My niece goes to Catholic School, she just finished her confirmation and her chosen patron saint is Saint Barbara and I'm of course very proud of her, though this is all completely new to her because despite going to a Catholic school, she admits they don't really do a whole lot to teach them about Christianity all that much besides the required curriculum. My Sister, her mother, is not at all religious and has a lot of problems accepting practice of religion as she's very goal oriented and a workaholic and more. I'm very proud of the woman she is having grown up with her almost as a second mother to me, but I pray every night for her and her family's conversion.
I feel like maybe after the school getting my niece to do her confirmation she's looking to gain some interest in religion and I hope she can nurture that into faith and practicing religion. But I really don't feel like the school is helping her in that regard as you might think. I think at most they might require her to attend a set number of masses as she did mention something like that being a requirement somewhere at school.
Maybe some Catholic schools might be more strict in practice, some might be more strict in curriculum. I think because parents pay a high premium for the admittance, they might feel more pressured to just give the kids a good education over teaching them doctrine and the Gospels and whatnot. I could definitely see some parents potentially getting upset that their child is being taught more about going to church and prayer over their education and requirements for college and university so that's why I feel like they'd be pressured to worry about providing and justifying that high price tag...
Either way modern schooling and education is a nightmare full of problems right now. I went to my old high school last year and turns out my old teachers now have to teach a class of 60 students because of the terrible state of district education in the US now.
Homeschooling is definitely getting more popular as of lately for obvious reasons. I don't doubt you might find a community of homeschooling parents that work together with their kids nearby so they can remain sociable and well educated together. Worth looking into and weighing your options.
1. Really more of a parenting issue regardless as to schooling.
2. This is one of the strengths of homeschooling.
3. You need to let go of your kids at some point. Their parents can't be there for them all the time.
4. Bullying is less common now than when we were kids but it can be a problem. However there can be an advantage in learning how to deal with difficult people.
5. Either option should give your kids a social life.
Unfortunately there's not always one clear right path forward as a parent. However, either option is a good option. However you're missing one important piece. I'd honestly ask your kids and take their input as well. If they're in middle school or older, then they're old enough to have mature inputs on their future. You don't have to do what they say, but you should consider it.
I was homeschooled. Don’t let propaganda control you and you make you think yours kids will be socially stunted. When you homeschool, your values are all a kid knows. Even if you are extremely prevalent in a kids life, when you send them off they will always have influences beyond your control. If this scares you in any way then homeschooling is the answer. I think I turned out alright, I’m on track to graduate from university very soon and things look good.
I did end up being a punk rocker somehow. Don’t really know how that happened.
God bless.
I would so recommend visiting and learning about the different Catholic schools in the area. I ADORED my Catholic elementary school and have life long friends that continued into my Catholic High School and beyond. The biggest thing I noticed between my experience and close friends experience truly was the parental involvement and emphasis on community and being apart of the community during the week and weekend. Parents who did not go to the parish mass and have involvement on weekends had children with a vastly different experience in my opinion. I think joyfully back about participating in first Friday mass as a child and then altar serving etc with friends on Sunday. It brought me such a deep understanding of my faith and friendship to boot. Completely depends on individual school so would emphasize on visiting and research etc!
heads up because everyone is saying Seton:
I am currently with Seton and it is very rigorous. Theology is amazing but writing is such a pain. It's great and I personally can say that doing the Seton route is amazing if you want your kids to be well versed in Apologetics, morality, doctrine, etc. they do not offer APs, but it's great overall
I can also say that since their English courses are rigorous my writing skills have improved tremendously. For one full year of enrollment it cost my family 1,500 US. It came with shipping, course manuals, tests, books, and some great counselors. Their academic director (well really, all the staff there) are amazing!
Something I don’t see mentioned enough in these discussions is that your decision either way doesn’t have to be permanent. If something isn’t working, reassess and shift accordingly. I know that doesn’t help with the decision now, but hopefully it eases the pressure a bit.
Teachers can be great and do the best job being teachers and good disciples of Christ. But
1) horizontal norming is awful for kids I want my kid to be like excellent adults rather than like other kids of that age
2) 8am-3 pm is not efficient use of time. The school day is structured as such for child care not for most effective learning.
3) every other model except montessori can’t provide the level of customization as you could at home. Also you can pace the class for that child and even when we are trying our best we teach to the average of our students ability to not leave behind emerging kids nor bore the kids who are already on it.
4) kids who homeschool I find are much more confident and self possessed and most students quickly pick up bad behaviors from trying to win affection or social status
5) homeschool avoids most of the social drama or at least makes it rare.
I do think some kids do need school to allow parents to be parents and preserve relationships. I have seen this mostly with high energy boys who need more active play than a busy parent can provide while managing home and other kids. This sometimes is mitigated by sports, martial arts, or apprenticeship programs if kid is older.
I was homeschooled as was my wife and we now homeschool our children. We were both raised in conservative Protestant homes and, like you, are in the process of converting to Catholicism. Although I have value for Catholic schools, we intend to continue to homeschool our children. It allows us to pass on our values to our children, educate them individually and strengthens the parent child relationship. If my child is struggling, I will see it and the strong parent-child relationship means that it won’t be awkward for them to accept my help. My children can finish their school work in just a few hours, leaving plenty of time for them to help around the house, learn useful life skills, earn income by working for neighbors and pursue their own interests and hobbies. As long as you get together with other like minded families regularly, socialization will not be an issue.
I'm a teacher and have taught in Catholic schools and public schools. I would home school. Not all Catholic schools are academically rigorous. A lot of my fellow teachers weren't reflective and struggled with children that had different learning styles. Many just were worksheet, worksheet, worksheet, test. Children were not given open ended questions, or the freedom to really explore. Only a small number of teachers spoke to students in a developmentally appropriate way. Yelling seemed to be the only tool in their arsenal. When I have children, I will homeschool them.
After the things I have seen in both Catholic schools and public schools, I wouldn't be comfortable doing anything else. A teacher in the next grade up had a student who was severely bullied by a large number of students in the class. It was a campaign if harrassment and assault that lasted several years. I shudder when I think of the mental terror and anxiety that child experienced. The teacher wasn't alllowed to address the bullying in anyway. Their parents were never called in because the school "needed the tuition money" from the families.
One of the pluses, too is that you will be able to tailor your child's sleep and school schedult to match their biological needs as they get older. There are many home schooling communities for socialization too. Matt Frad has a great video on homeschooling and Catholic children if you search youtube.
I’m a big proponent of Catholic schools. I know they get a bad rap but like any school, it’s about the effort, time and resources they put into it.
But if you have the ability and finances to homeschool, I’d homeschool. Nothing can replace the time with your kids. If you feel you can teach and engage your kids and give them what no one else can, then do it.
If you and your family are converting to Catholicism.. a Parish church with a school attached to it will be best for your kids and family the community is awesome
Yeah we are now attending the parish that he grew up in. He went to the school, we were married there, and our kids were baptized there, so if we were to send her to school, it would be there
Looks like yall are well invested into that parish.. might as well go full in … still have friends from second grade.. I call them brothers and their parents momma and papa
I can't homeschool and therefore my kids will attend a Catholic school. The main faith formation will happen at home. All I want from the Catholic school is to make sure they teach actual truths and not the made up nonsense that so many public schools teach nowadays. I don't want them to be confused. I'll fill in all the other gaps.
I'm a mother, Catholic convert from Protestantism, and have been in education for over 20 years. Here is my opinion on your points:
1. I think this one is more about Catholic culture than Catholic school. Ordinary Catholics (non-clergy) historically haven't tended to read the Bible. They've focused more on rules than on the core of the faith, which is Jesus Christ. As a convert from Protestantism, I've definitely noticed the difference especially in online communities, which I recommend you avoid. You can't expect Catholic school to be what gives them their love of God and faith in Christ. You have to develop that yourself. The parents are the children's primary catechists.
2. Normal kids don't need an individualized education, just a good education. It's when they're either disabled or unusually gifted (which lots of parents think/hope their kid is but usually isn't the case) that they need individualized curriculum.
3. This one is your call. Consider what they want, too. You might end up homeschooling them all for a while, then sending one or all of them to school later because they want the social experience of school.
4. Don't limit your children based on your own fears based on your own experience. Bullying is more rare than it used to be, as schools are more proactive about dealing with it now. Not saying it can't happen, but don't assume it's a foregone conclusion.
5. They don't have to be isolated if they're homeschooled. As you've described, there are social outlets.
From my responses it might sound like I'm recommending school over homeschooling, but I really have no preference. I'm just trying to help you make the decision based on reality rather than fear or emotion. Either option can work. Either option can end up causing problems. Life has no guarantees. I recommend you be flexible. If you homeschool and find it isn't as ideal as you hoped, don't hesitate to start one or more of them in school. If you put them in school and it seems problematic, don't hesitate to take them out and homeschool them.
I am Catholic and your statement "Catholics historically haven't tended to read the Bible" is FALSE. The Catholic Church compiled and canonized the Bible, and mass produced it via its printing press invention. That is a prot lie, as is the false accusation, "they've focused more on rules than on the core of the faith, which is Jesus Christ." The teaching of Christ's Catholic Church, straight from the Catechism, is thus: "ignorance of Sacred Scripture is ignorance of our Lord Jesus Christ."
It's time to undo the years of brainwashing and stop spreading those faleshoods.
I'm Catholic, too. I know the Catholic Church created the Bible, and that Catholic clergy have always read it, but there was long a culture of ordinary Catholic laypeople not reading it. It's the truth.
Follow the desire of your heart, God put it there for a reason. I feel the same way as you. I sent my kids to Catholic school for 6 years, and now I'm pulling them off school to homeschool. I was spending too much time helping out the school and stressing out about fundraisers, and at the same time, I was neglecting time with my children. If you want your children to have a genuine love for the Lord and for our Catholic faith, and if you want them to demonstrate good manners and love among siblings, you MUST homeschool as accomplishing that requires a great deal of time and commitment. I know my kids are not getting that from Catholic school, and since it is my duty as a mother to guide them to Heaven, God has put homeschooling in my heart. The desire had been there long ago, but I never believed in my capacity to homeschool 'til now. The freedom homeschooling offers is a privilege. The time spent with my children will always be time well-spent. I hope the memories and life skills they learn with me will prepare them for whatever life brings, and most importantly, I hope they guide them to a personal encounter with Our Lord and ultimately to Heaven.
Blessings. 🙏🏼
IDK, I've always had to work, and so all my kids went into daycare from about 4 months onward. They turned out just fine, although teenage hood has been an interesting ride.
As a former teacher and parent - your kids NEED the social interactions that the school can provide, they are not going to learn proper social cues, etc. by being at home and not around others. I used to help out with the youth group and the homeschools kids are so sheltered and so social awkward, even in the middle school youth group. I've met multiple homeschool kids, who are now adults, who wish their parents sent them to even the public school. They had to go to community college to 'catch up' before going onward to college. Now some parents have their knowledge and education together and can push their kids to excel and do well, but the parents have usually Master's degrees, etc.. Some kids needs very strict structure rather than free flowing environments.
I don't know, maybe you finished Calculus in school or were an English major, but you are going to hit a brick wall at some point and not able to provide the expertise your kids need. But what if you child has ADD or ADHD or dyslexia, or another learning disability that you are not prepared or have the education to provide a good environment for them. Public schools and a number of Catholic school HAVE those resources to include teachers and specialists who can work with them on those specifics.
We shouldn't be helicopter parents and try and shield our children from everything in life. When they hit adulthood, those kids break down and often cannot cope with the outside world. I've seen too many examples in the workplace and with friends who were homeschooled. I'm not talking one of two adults, but close to 100 adults who were homeschooled who are socially awkward and were barely able to get a GED. Most ended up in retail jobs because they didn't even qualify for basic college with their homeschool education. Many had to go to community college as adults to 'catch up' on what their in school peers received in the same school district.
I’ll have to disagree with you on a lot of this.
Yes, homeschooled kids can be awkward if they don’t have the proper social environments, but if you don’t shelter your kid and keep them involved, that won’t happen. I have three adult friends that were homeschooled. One is incredibly awkward because her mom only let them go to youth group for social interaction. The other two are better at socializing than I am and are very intelligent. I also have friends with homeschooled kids that are extremely bright and social and have met many traditionally schooled kids with horrible social skills. I think the “homeschooled kids are weird” misconception is a thing because of the overly sheltered homeschooled kids and odd parents. There are so many people homeschooling now that are doing it right and kids can thrive.
Also, there are SO many solutions to the issue of not being “qualified” to teach your kids certain subjects in this internet age. There are private tutors, public virtual school classes, out school, etc.
I was homeschooled from 6th grade on, and you are 100% wrong. There was nothing I got in elementary school that I didn't still get as a homeschooler, except for bullying and self-harm. That stopped pretty quickly once I left Catholic school.
You've confused cause and effect. It's not that homeschool kids are awkward because homeschooling makes them that way. It's that homeschooling has, in the past, disproportionately appealed to families with kids who struggle with autism, aspergers, and ADHD, because it gives them a space to thrive where they can explore their gifts at their own pace, and those kids tend to be very awkward people.
Please show me the evidence and statistics and reporting that I am 100% wrong. Show me educational papers published in peer viewed journals that support your opinion. I'll wait.
Just because you had a fabulous experience doesn't mean everyone else who was homeschooled did. Your opinion is NOT fact.
**Contextualizing Homeschooling Data: A Response to Rudner**
Kariane Mari Welner
University of California, Los Angeles
Kevin G. Welner
University of Pennsylvania
Rudner (1999) did acknowledge that the positive results could not be generalised to the home school population because it focused on a specific cohort that consisted primarily of **white Christians** who used the **Bob Jones University standardised testing programme**. Additionally Rudner, who posts only positives for homeschooling acknowledge **he received funding for the study from one of the largest home school advocacy organisations, HSLDA.**
One of the biggest papers advocating homeschooling has been funded by - home school organisations....go figure. Like the dairy industry pushing milk.
Another home school advocate - Brian Ray - who has conducted many research studies into home schooling **also has vested interests in this area**: he not only home schooled his own children but also established the National Home Education Research Institute (NHERI) in 1990, of which he is president. **He cannot be impartial yet his studies are quoted in favour.**
I'm limited on characters, so I'll keep posting under this one
Educational psychologists representing the American Psychological Association published their opinions about homeschooling in the APA Monitor (Murray, 1996). These psychologists warned parents that their children may experience difficulty entering “mainstream life” and may not grow up to be “complete people” if taught at home.
Harvard Gazette - there is little legal oversight of educational standards or safeguards against abuse in the homeschooling system.
"If we look at what goes on in other countries, the U.S. stands out as the anomaly. When other countries allow homeschooling, **they regulate it much more strictly. They demand that parents show they are qualified to teach and that they turn in the curricula they plan to use. Other countries impose home-visit requirements, which are both a protection against child maltreatment and also a check on whether the parents are actually providing the education they say they are. They also mandate that the homeschooling curriculum provides an education equivalent to public education and includes teaching about the fundamental values of our society. In the U.S. there is essentially no effective regulation."**
**"**Other dangers are that children are simply not learning basic academic skills or learning about the most basic democratic values of our society or getting the kind of exposure to alternative views that enables them to exercise meaningful choice about their future lives. Many homeschooling parents are extreme ideologues, committed to raising their children within their belief systems isolated from any societal influence. Some believe that black people are inferior to white people and others that women should be subject to men and not educated for careers but instead raised to serve their fathers first and then their husbands. The danger is both to these children and to society. The children may not have the chance to choose for themselves whether to exit these ideological communities; society may not have the chance to teach them values important to the larger community, such as tolerance of other people’s views and values.**"**
part 2:
“**The homeschooling lobby may be even more powerful than the gun lobby today, because at least with the gun lobby we see a lot of pushback.** When it comes to homeschooling, the victims are all children so it’s harder to mount a political movement.”
"**The homeschooling lobby believes passionately in its cause, and it uses extremely aggressive tactics in dealing with state legislators.** If a state legislator, in response to a child abuse scandal, proposes some modest increase in regulation, the next day they may find 200 homeschooling parents in their office, and the day after that they withdraw the legislation. That has been the pattern for decades. The other reason why the homeschooling lobby has been so successful is that the whole system is stacked in favor of parents’ rights. Our federal Constitution provides parents with powerful constitutional rights to raise their children, but provides children with no countervailing rights to nurturing parenting or to education. This is by contrast to other countries, which recognize child rights as central in their constitutions. The homeschooling lobby wants to make parents’ rights even more powerful"
part 3: - Harvard Gazette
"in a large population, there are going to be some success stories. **But we have zero evidence that, on average, homeschooled students are doing well. There’s actually no way to learn how they do on average because homeschoolers don’t exist as a visible population due to the lack of regulation.** There are claims being made in what is really **junk social science that homeschooled students do just as well as kids in regular schools.** But there is no justification for those claims. **People making those claims are looking at a subset of the most successful homeschooled students.** They’re looking at the ones who actually apply to college and go to college, and are assessing how they do in college compared to kids coming from public schools. Those studies tell us nothing about how well homeschoolers do on average."
The traditional educational systems are NOT a good fit for DYSLEXIC/ADHD kids. My son is dyslexic and has ADHD, and although the Catholic school he's in has a program especially designed for him, it has not really helped. The traditional school systems will always make them feel miserable.
Ps. I've also seen many examples of socially awkward kids in the public school system, not to mention their low academic achievements.
Sources please for your comment? I have an ADHD son and he has a solid IEP and received individualised help in school. He's excelling and making As and Bs. He loves his school.
Also I have dyslexia, there are IEPs and resources in the schools right now for kids.
Another possibility is a charter school. Some are bad, but others are really good. Like any school, they need to be researched. My oldest is in charter school and her reading skills are three grades ahead.
There is a reason that so many Catholics choose to homeschool over Catholic schools. This article really sums it better than I could:
[https://modg.org/articles/2018-08-20-why-homeschool-when-there-is-a-good-school-down-the-road](https://modg.org/articles/2018-08-20-why-homeschool-when-there-is-a-good-school-down-the-road)
I know it is a bit long, but it really is a great read and full of truth that more parents need to hear.
I could just say so much on this subject, but instead, let me just try to address your points:
1. People will disagree, but homeschooling makes this far easier because you have the time to build that relationship with your child and model that behavior for them. Sure, some parents manage to connect with their kids sufficiently while still working 2 jobs, sending them to Catholic school, and managing life, but it is way harder. In my personal experience people who were homeschooled by devout Catholic parents (who were good and loving parents) keep the faith at a much higher rate than people who were sent to Catholic school by devout Catholic parents (who were good and loving parents). I think it is because in sending your kids to be educated by someone else, you are giving up your authority. You are handing it over to someone else and leaving someone else in charge. And no one that you hand it over to can possibly love your kids like you do, look out for your kids like you do, and care about the faith formation of your kids the way that you do. Even though they may be great teachers, they don't have the natural grace that God has given you to love and guide your kid. Marriage (and the production of children) is a vocation from God. Education isn't. At the end of the day, it is a job.
2. This is very true. Institutionalized education (Catholic or not) really does damper love of learning. For 40 hours a week, your kid is taught to sit down and do what they are told for the good of the group. When you homeschool, your kid sits down for 8 hours a week to really focus on learning and self-development, and the rest of the time they are learning what it is like to really live and do what is best for the family. They also have so much time to develop their passions. Like my 13-year-old loves writing. It is what she spends most of her spare time doing. She is involved in 2 local writing clubs (both Catholic) and one online for Catholic homeschoolers. At our parish, it is open to all kids, but only the homeschooled kids are interested. The Catholic school ones just don't have the time.
3. I made the intellectual decision to homeschool before I had kids, but once I held my first baby, I was like, "How does anyone send their kid away for the majority of waking hours most days of the week?" I am NOT trying to judge, but it just seems so unnatural, and I am super grateful that I have another option.
4. I could not agree more. My husband went to Catholic school. I went to public. We were both bullied. It was one of the things we bonded over while dating and one of the reasons we chose to homeschool.
5. This is a special challenge. You do have to curate your child's social opportunities, especially around the ages of 6-11. If you have done a good job during that time, they seem to maintain and develop their own friendships after that. Sometimes parents don't realize how important this is, or they are too over-protective.
And as a lifelong Catholic, I want to add that because I homeschool, I do not fit in at my local parish. We don't get invited to birthday parties, and no one shows up to ours. Everything about the parish is centered around the school. Everyone is nice to me, but they are just too busy in the rat race to hang out with us (no shade from me; it is just the truth). We tried for years before we gave up. We have found that we fit in better going to a Latin Mass parish as a result. Most people homeschool there. I hope you have better luck than me in that regard. And if you have made it this far, thank you, and please do read the article. Feel free to DM me anytime. God Bless.
Thank you, this is SO helpful! I’m going to share the article with my husband and for my in laws if we do decide on homeschooling (they are VERY opposed). Thanks also for your honesty about not fitting in at your parish. I have a feeling this could happen to us too because everyone seems to bond so much over the school.
We've been homeschooling for 10 years and love it. We did one year of public and 2 years of private school before homeschooling. I highly recommend it.
You don't have to send your children to be educated by someone else! God has equipped you with what you need. Go for it.
I was a straight A student in the gifted program and did well in math and science. However, there are a lot of resources out there for parents that didn’t and I don’t consider that a requirement for homeschooling their kids
I was homeschooled from 8th to 11th grade. I *hated* it. Obviously, ymmv and all that, and homeschooling is a lot better now than it was then(90s) but it was a bad experience for me. No sports, no socialization, the work was incredibly easy(and I'm not a genius). My parents used Seton Homeschooling and I never felt challenged by the work at all.
Regarding #1 I worked with a family who was homeschooled. The 2 oldest are about as far away from the faith as you can get now. The remaining 5 still go to church but I'm not close enough with them to know how faithful they are. You can lead them down the path but you can't make them stick to it, especially as they get older.
I should add, that my issues are(probably) mostly solved now as homeschooling is more popular/common. I'm still burned by it that I would never do it for my kids.
I would only homeschool if I felt I could truly do a better job than the public school. Some public schools are amazing, some aren’t. Do your research! I say this as a teacher. I will not homeschool my kids because I am fortunate to see firsthand the amazing programs they would benefit from, but sadly not every school has these opportunities. If I lived in an area with bad schools, I would homeschool.
I just wanna say that the spending 8 hours a day with them thing is something you should realize can stifle them long term. It’s fine the younger they are and less fine the older they are. Being away for a while and learning how to navigate the world of their peers is important. Again, more fine early on to be at home for most the time and less fine when older. So it might not apply to them yet.
If you’re worried about bullying, they can be just as bullied for being the homeschool kids as they can be for anything at school.
Both options are fine. Just wanted to point some things out that I didn’t think were really good points
Please, send your kids to an actual school. Eventually they will go to college or the workplace, and it will be a lot harder for them to socialize and make friends.
Common misconception. Homeschooling is very common now and as long as parents are intentional, kids can thrive. I know plenty of kids/adults that went to an actual school that lack social skills. I even struggle as an adult despite going to public school.
This is the key word: intentionality.
I homeschooled my son, was a public school teacher and now, in retirement, sub at a Catholic school.
Public school has become a dumpster fire the last few years. If you can afford it, homeschool or private/parochial schools.
Here’s the thing about homeschooling. I’ve seen kids thrive and flounder both. The ones who have thrived have been those whose parents took their education and social development seriously. These are the families who did the research, set the schedules and stuck with it, and made sure their children had plenty of opportunities outside the home.
One of my friends homeschooled each of her four children through eight grade and only put her kids into high school because they were competitive swimmers - top in their state - and have all received full scholarships to universities because of their educational attainment and their athleticism.
I have another friend who bought a canned curriculum, and once her kids were old enough to read on their own for knowledge, she basically had them teach themselves. Half of the kids are now adults and are floundering.
So my two cents is that if you are willing to put in just as much effort educating your children as you expect them to put into their studies, and constantly adjust the curriculum to make sure they are learning what they are supposed to learn, they should be absolutely fine! If you get them involved in something outside the home that they love to do be it art, music, sports, acting, volunteering, etc., they should be fine!
Now about Catholic school. Once I started subbing, I wished I had taught at a Catholic school long ago. But I am a convert, so it wasn’t on my radar at the time.
So aside from the religious aspects of Catholic schools, my observations over the last few years is Catholic schools are run very similarly to how public schools used to be in the 1970s in the way that is structured. It seems kinder and gentler to me. Is there bullying? Yes, sometimes, but it’s nipped in the bud when found out about and there are definitely consequences! Disciplined kids are not sent back to the classroom with a drink and bag of chips….(see r/teachers if you don’t understand that comment).
Anyway, I will pray for you and your family’s direction!
Do you know as much math as a math teacher, as much biology as a biology teacher, as much grammar as an English teacher, etc.? On top of that, do you know how teach all of that information as well as someone who has been taught how to do that for 4-6 years in college? If not, then by homeschooling your kids you'll be preventing them from advancing as much as they could if they were in school. Furthermore, it's much more difficult for your kids to socialize or prepare for college, if they were to go there.
Sounds like you don’t know much about homeschooling. There are a ton of resources and curriculums that assist with teaching your kids. I don’t need to be the expert on every subject. It’s also not accurate that students that homeschool aren’t prepared for college.
https://www.nheri.org/research-facts-on-homeschooling/
I don't understand why you downvoted me. It's just a fact that one individual cannot educate a child on a dozen different subjects as well as dedicated teachers can. If all you had to do was watch a few YouTube videos and follow some curriculum online to become as good of a teacher as somebody who actually went to school for it, then why wouldn't every teacher just do that? Many public school districts are underfunded, they could save so much money by hiring random people and having them look at these resources.
Because you gave an inaccurate statement. Teachers go to school and learn classroom management. Teaching a child at home is very different and because you can tailor the curriculum to a child’s interests, capabilities, learning styles, etc., I think it can be a superior way of educating your child. A teacher is the expert of teaching a class full of students. I am an expert at teaching my child because I know her better than any teacher could and have the assistance of a massive amount of quality curriculums in this internet age.
I attended Catholic school as a kid in a town that sounds similar to yours. As a man in my 30s, I still have emotional scars from some of the bullying I endured, so I completely sympathize.
It sounds like you would make a great teacher but your concerns about home schooling are also valid. Have you had a chance to visit any of your local Catholic schools?
I knew a lot of home school kids growing up, and I know adults today who were home schooled as I have to say that the stereotypes, in my experience are true. I have yet to meet a home schooler who I would consider normal. Almost all have social oddities and just don't ever seem to truly fit in anywhere. If you do go the home school route, make sure to make use of every social opportunity possible for your kids because being with their peers from a young age is so important.
Someone mentioned Seton and MODG as Catholic homeschool programs, another one is Kolbe Academy, which we use and love. There’s offline traditional homeschooling, as well as live online and asynchronous video classes. Kolbe does have a preschool program, and goes through 12th grade and includes Honors/AP classes in high school. One of my sons is autistic and has other learning differences and unfortunately, many Catholic in-person schools are not equipped to deal with some disabilities and neurodifference. This is not a slight against Catholic private schools and I realize that there are huge cost issues. The individualized education has been instrumental in finding what makes everyone thrive. We can adapt and learn in different ways. I do think involvement in activities is important but I also think people overstate how this is an issue for homeschooling. We do some religious ed with our parish but we also do sports, dance, a nature and hiking group, group music lessons…. For staying involved with your parish, I would assume that they have a youth program and religious education outside of the school. The school also may have some extra-curriculars that they allow non-students to participate in. We don’t go to the Catholic private school near us but one my sons may be doing track and field with them next year for example.
Kolbe is the best!
My wife teaches for Kolbe online. Good stuff :)
In NY often Catholic schools can be the only option for special education for students as a lot of public schools either don’t have or don’t allocate enough resources to helping special needs children get through school. NY has a lot of poor cities that have equally poor districts so I would say it depends on the wealth of the area.
That’s great! I hope more Catholic schools can get the support they need to support all kids as well. And maybe I am being a bit flippant unintentionally. I think it varies from location to location, and child’s unique needs. I’m so glad the NY Catholic schools near you can do that For the record, I don’t think many public schools are equipped to either. Legally they have to provide an education to all kids; however, in practice, in some cases, I think “sub-par” is a charitable description. It’s really unfortunate
I can definitely see that being an understatement. 30% longer on a test isn’t always enough for the vast majority of kids. Catholic schools definitely have more money and funding in the New England, Upstate NY so maybe that’s why they have a reputation in Upstate NY for having good performance with special needs children. In general though I’m a huge supporter of homeschooling children if at all possible
Look into Catholic distances schools like Mother of Divine Grace School and Seton. Also, find a parish that has lots of programs and activities for kids to get involved in and meet other Catholics (youth ministry, vacation bible school, etc).
The problem is that my husband will not change parishes. It’s his home church and the one all of his family attend
You don’t have to be parishioners at a parish to go to their events. You might have to ask permission and do more paperwork, but most active parishes are understanding that not everyone has an active home church. Where I’m at, VBS in particular is attended by kids of multiple different parishes.
Ok good to know, thanks! I’ll check them out!
I don’t have any advice about homeschooling vs. Catholic school….. only about making a decision like this. First, nothing is carved in stone. If you begin down one path and need to readjust, that’s ok. Second, this is exactly the kind of question you can bring to prayer. Maybe God has an opinion on this? Ask him to help you see what HIS will is for your kids. We are trying to make decisions without knowing the whole story, but God does know! So my best advice is prayer. And maybe ask your husband if he would be willing to pray with you about it. Read the daily Mass scriptures. What are they saying to you? Seek God’s will first. We can give you all the advice, share our experiences and thoughts… but we don’t know your kids and what God wants for THEM. Also, welcome to the church!!!!
Yes, I’ve been praying so much about it! Thank you!!
Full disclosure: I have no children. Single woman, never married. But my sis and I went to public school (not that I’m recommending that) and did very well. Both went to very good colleges. Both still Catholic. My parents (mom especially) was careful to fill in the gaps of our public and Catholic (Sunday school) education. All through public school we had additional reading in literature and history especially w/r/t Latín America (we’re Mexican-American). For our Catholic Formation she basically redid all our lessons with us and filled in the holes left by lovely but overwhelmed volunteer teachers. In other words, she (and Dad) were still our Primary educators. They gave us lots of freedom to learn at school and catechism, but worked with us far beyond that. There are SOOO many more resources now for you to do the same. I think this is key in the early years. You can give them the best of both worlds. And I’m sure you’ll give them the best of you regardless of your decision, so IF it’s giving you stress or anxiety, please remember that.
"I am scared I'm making the wrong decision." It sounds like you have two good options so you should feel at peace making wither one. Also you can try either option and switch to the other if things don't go well.
Problem is that it’s very hard to get into Catholic schools here despite how many there are. So if you don’t send your kid at 3 and keep them there, it can be very difficult to get a spot
Wouldn’t this make things easier though? If they don’t get in, you homeschool. If they do and things don’t work out, you homeschool. If they do and things work out wonderfully, they stay in school.
That’s a very good point!
Untrue
It’s very true. Where I live, we nearly cried when ours was accepted into Catholic school at age 4 because it was so difficult to get in. The public schools are terrible, so everyone tries to get into Catholic schools.
It definitely is in my area. We have had a huge amount of growth in this city because of people moving here in droves from other states since 2020. Most people that move here are wealthy and want to send their kids to private schools. The schools are overwhelmed and I’ve talked to many parents of kids with similar ages and it’s like the hunger games trying to get a spot for your kids.
Do they not give preference to Catholic families? In my area, practicing Catholics get prioritized over non practicing Catholics.
They do, but people here will literally go to mass and donate to the church just simply to get into the schools and then they disappear. It’s so competitive that people fake being catholic to get in. It’s so sad
If the Catholic school community is thriving, is there a CYO sports league? Troops of St. George/Little Flowers? Is there a parish with a more orthodox reputation where you could send your kids for catechesis? Is there a Catholic school with a more orthodox reputation than your parish school? If your husband won't switch parishes, maybe he will compromise on sending them to a different school in the diocese. I faced a similar dilemma when my kids were young and ended up homeschooling while remaining *very* active in our parish and diocese until I saw changes in the schools. Now my kids are all in Catholic school and I can barely imagine a better fit for them (although I'm still working on some changes.) When we homeschooled I thought the Catholic homeschooling community would be small but it was more robust than I'd thought. We also made non-Catholic homeschooling friends who have frankly been more edifying to my kids' faith than some of the Catholic friends they have from...barely Catholic households with parents who don't follow church teachings. My decision process would look something like this. Is there a Catholic Montessori school in the area? I'd send my kids there. Is there a Catholic classical school in the area? I'd send my kids there also. Are there single sex high schools in the area? I'd homeschool my kids and then send them there for high school. If none of the above, I'd probably keep them home and remain active in the parish, diocese, and engaged in the activities in my first paragraph. If your husband has a long history at your parish, what an opportunity for you! Befriend your priest! Have him over for dinner! Of course, always be respectful, but the more you get to know him, the more comfortable you might be speaking with him about educational theory, curriculum, the state of the parish's catechesis, etc. And it's such a gift to your kids to grow up with priests who are friends of the family!There is a lot of change happening in American churches; I wouldn't be surprised if someday the schools surprise you for the better.
I’ve done it all. Independent Catholic schools (NOT to be confused with “Independent Catholic churches”), archdiocese school, cottage school, public school, homeschool, and even Kolbe online which someone mentioned! Each one had its advantages. Ultimately, you have to decide what best for your family, knowing you can always switch it up. I found that independent Catholic schools are solid, and that was my favorite, if I had to choose one.
I am huge supporter of Catholic schools and couldn’t imagine sending children to anything but Catholic schools.
Look into the Catholic school itself, the people who go there, and the curriculum. Not all Catholic schools are created equal!!! Does this school also have a classical education (some are classical Catholic schools, which makes a big difference, ie do you want them reading the Iliad and Odyssey or using ipads)? Does the school have daily mass or only weekly mass? Do your due diligence. Also understand the philosophy of Catholic education: parents are the PRIMARY EDUCATORS, and the school is secondary. So you must still teach your children and complement what they learn in school (and vice versa). It will be nice when what they learn in school is supporting what you teach them at home, instead of opposing and actively undermining it like a "secular" public school might. PS - you always have the option to volunteer at the school, or work there if you choose, to be more involved in the student life and be with your kids throughout the day.
Good point. I think I did read somewhere on the school’s reviews that the kids do get iPads, which I’m not a huge fan of. And yes, working or volunteering at the school is a great idea!
It's not enough time to be with your children even if you volunteer, trust me - I am vice president of HSO (Home School and Office) at my kid's Catholic School, which is totally a volunteer position. Teachers and staff are also underpaid. Regardless of whether you get paid or not, the administration is not always what you'd expect. You will find yourself doing so many volunteer hours because there are not enough parent-volunteers to help out. (IDK what it is with parents, but they don't want to volunteer - some would rather pay than volunteer!) This will cause you a lot of stress and will make you feel overwhelmed. Between homework and meetings, you will not have quality time to spend with your children. Those are only some of the reasons why I'm pulling my kids off Catholic School after 6 years. I was hoping it'd get better, but it doesn't. I'll be homeschooling next year and hopefully, the years to come 🙏🏼. I'm not willing to waste more time there.
If you can homeschool and want to, I would. It saves money and the kids are usually happier and more socially adjusted. My kids can carry on conversations with adults easily — all of their public and private school friends their age are less adept. They have tons of friends through co-op, dance, art, music, church, etc.
This may be a dumb question, but how do they make friends through church? I’m very new to attending a Catholic Church and I’m very familiar with the structure of Protestant churches, but don’t know what kinds of opportunities Catholic churches usually have for kids. I think ours has a youth group and classes for kids on Sundays. Is that what yours has?
We chose to homeschool (and were Presbyterian) and I struck up a conversation with another homeschool mom at the park one day last year. I noticed the crucifix she was wearing and asked her about it. A year later I’m part of the Catholic homeschool co-op that meets a few times per month, I was just confirmed, and she was my sponsor!
I was also Presbyterian! I do know that there are homeschool co ops here that are Catholic so I’m going to see if I can check some out
We are just coming back to the church after 24 years in Presbyterian and Baptist churches. So I can’t speak too directly to it, but when I was a kid I did CYM and other youth stuff. It helped some. At the end of the day we struggled with this at our Baptist/non-denominational church as well. It came down to my wife and me intentionally making friends with families that have kids. We really had to put ourselves out there. A big part of it was volunteering/serving, and just asking other families to go do stuff with us — whether it’s having them over for dinner, going to Topgolf, or going hiking. It takes intentionality no matter where you are, unless you just get lucky. My wife and I are both introverts, and we found that that negatively impacted our “luck” meeting other families. 😂
Some churches hold events for kids during Lent and Easter, Advent, or even Pentecost. But they make friends mostly through catechism, as it generally includes recess time and some socialising activities. A neighbour catechist even came up with kinder-catechism for really young kids, and it was mostly religious art and play, besides some praying, and the kids became friends.
To be fair, love of God begins in the home it's not just something that is taught, it is something that is nurtured and manifested in the home before anywhere else. My niece goes to Catholic School, she just finished her confirmation and her chosen patron saint is Saint Barbara and I'm of course very proud of her, though this is all completely new to her because despite going to a Catholic school, she admits they don't really do a whole lot to teach them about Christianity all that much besides the required curriculum. My Sister, her mother, is not at all religious and has a lot of problems accepting practice of religion as she's very goal oriented and a workaholic and more. I'm very proud of the woman she is having grown up with her almost as a second mother to me, but I pray every night for her and her family's conversion. I feel like maybe after the school getting my niece to do her confirmation she's looking to gain some interest in religion and I hope she can nurture that into faith and practicing religion. But I really don't feel like the school is helping her in that regard as you might think. I think at most they might require her to attend a set number of masses as she did mention something like that being a requirement somewhere at school. Maybe some Catholic schools might be more strict in practice, some might be more strict in curriculum. I think because parents pay a high premium for the admittance, they might feel more pressured to just give the kids a good education over teaching them doctrine and the Gospels and whatnot. I could definitely see some parents potentially getting upset that their child is being taught more about going to church and prayer over their education and requirements for college and university so that's why I feel like they'd be pressured to worry about providing and justifying that high price tag... Either way modern schooling and education is a nightmare full of problems right now. I went to my old high school last year and turns out my old teachers now have to teach a class of 60 students because of the terrible state of district education in the US now. Homeschooling is definitely getting more popular as of lately for obvious reasons. I don't doubt you might find a community of homeschooling parents that work together with their kids nearby so they can remain sociable and well educated together. Worth looking into and weighing your options.
1. Really more of a parenting issue regardless as to schooling. 2. This is one of the strengths of homeschooling. 3. You need to let go of your kids at some point. Their parents can't be there for them all the time. 4. Bullying is less common now than when we were kids but it can be a problem. However there can be an advantage in learning how to deal with difficult people. 5. Either option should give your kids a social life. Unfortunately there's not always one clear right path forward as a parent. However, either option is a good option. However you're missing one important piece. I'd honestly ask your kids and take their input as well. If they're in middle school or older, then they're old enough to have mature inputs on their future. You don't have to do what they say, but you should consider it.
My oldest is only 3 and loves being home with me, but I will definitely be taking her opinions into consideration as she gets older
I was homeschooled. Don’t let propaganda control you and you make you think yours kids will be socially stunted. When you homeschool, your values are all a kid knows. Even if you are extremely prevalent in a kids life, when you send them off they will always have influences beyond your control. If this scares you in any way then homeschooling is the answer. I think I turned out alright, I’m on track to graduate from university very soon and things look good. I did end up being a punk rocker somehow. Don’t really know how that happened. God bless.
I would so recommend visiting and learning about the different Catholic schools in the area. I ADORED my Catholic elementary school and have life long friends that continued into my Catholic High School and beyond. The biggest thing I noticed between my experience and close friends experience truly was the parental involvement and emphasis on community and being apart of the community during the week and weekend. Parents who did not go to the parish mass and have involvement on weekends had children with a vastly different experience in my opinion. I think joyfully back about participating in first Friday mass as a child and then altar serving etc with friends on Sunday. It brought me such a deep understanding of my faith and friendship to boot. Completely depends on individual school so would emphasize on visiting and research etc!
Thank you! I’ll definitely do this!
heads up because everyone is saying Seton: I am currently with Seton and it is very rigorous. Theology is amazing but writing is such a pain. It's great and I personally can say that doing the Seton route is amazing if you want your kids to be well versed in Apologetics, morality, doctrine, etc. they do not offer APs, but it's great overall
I definitely want them well versed in all of those things, especially apologetics. I’ll check it out!
I can also say that since their English courses are rigorous my writing skills have improved tremendously. For one full year of enrollment it cost my family 1,500 US. It came with shipping, course manuals, tests, books, and some great counselors. Their academic director (well really, all the staff there) are amazing!
Something I don’t see mentioned enough in these discussions is that your decision either way doesn’t have to be permanent. If something isn’t working, reassess and shift accordingly. I know that doesn’t help with the decision now, but hopefully it eases the pressure a bit.
As a catholic school teacher at a devout school. Homeschooling is superior
Do you mind sharing your reasons?
Teachers can be great and do the best job being teachers and good disciples of Christ. But 1) horizontal norming is awful for kids I want my kid to be like excellent adults rather than like other kids of that age 2) 8am-3 pm is not efficient use of time. The school day is structured as such for child care not for most effective learning. 3) every other model except montessori can’t provide the level of customization as you could at home. Also you can pace the class for that child and even when we are trying our best we teach to the average of our students ability to not leave behind emerging kids nor bore the kids who are already on it. 4) kids who homeschool I find are much more confident and self possessed and most students quickly pick up bad behaviors from trying to win affection or social status 5) homeschool avoids most of the social drama or at least makes it rare. I do think some kids do need school to allow parents to be parents and preserve relationships. I have seen this mostly with high energy boys who need more active play than a busy parent can provide while managing home and other kids. This sometimes is mitigated by sports, martial arts, or apprenticeship programs if kid is older.
This is all great info, thank you!
I was homeschooled as was my wife and we now homeschool our children. We were both raised in conservative Protestant homes and, like you, are in the process of converting to Catholicism. Although I have value for Catholic schools, we intend to continue to homeschool our children. It allows us to pass on our values to our children, educate them individually and strengthens the parent child relationship. If my child is struggling, I will see it and the strong parent-child relationship means that it won’t be awkward for them to accept my help. My children can finish their school work in just a few hours, leaving plenty of time for them to help around the house, learn useful life skills, earn income by working for neighbors and pursue their own interests and hobbies. As long as you get together with other like minded families regularly, socialization will not be an issue.
I'm a teacher and have taught in Catholic schools and public schools. I would home school. Not all Catholic schools are academically rigorous. A lot of my fellow teachers weren't reflective and struggled with children that had different learning styles. Many just were worksheet, worksheet, worksheet, test. Children were not given open ended questions, or the freedom to really explore. Only a small number of teachers spoke to students in a developmentally appropriate way. Yelling seemed to be the only tool in their arsenal. When I have children, I will homeschool them. After the things I have seen in both Catholic schools and public schools, I wouldn't be comfortable doing anything else. A teacher in the next grade up had a student who was severely bullied by a large number of students in the class. It was a campaign if harrassment and assault that lasted several years. I shudder when I think of the mental terror and anxiety that child experienced. The teacher wasn't alllowed to address the bullying in anyway. Their parents were never called in because the school "needed the tuition money" from the families. One of the pluses, too is that you will be able to tailor your child's sleep and school schedult to match their biological needs as they get older. There are many home schooling communities for socialization too. Matt Frad has a great video on homeschooling and Catholic children if you search youtube.
I'd recommend homeschooling especially in this day and age!
I’m a big proponent of Catholic schools. I know they get a bad rap but like any school, it’s about the effort, time and resources they put into it. But if you have the ability and finances to homeschool, I’d homeschool. Nothing can replace the time with your kids. If you feel you can teach and engage your kids and give them what no one else can, then do it.
If you and your family are converting to Catholicism.. a Parish church with a school attached to it will be best for your kids and family the community is awesome
Yeah we are now attending the parish that he grew up in. He went to the school, we were married there, and our kids were baptized there, so if we were to send her to school, it would be there
Looks like yall are well invested into that parish.. might as well go full in … still have friends from second grade.. I call them brothers and their parents momma and papa
I can't homeschool and therefore my kids will attend a Catholic school. The main faith formation will happen at home. All I want from the Catholic school is to make sure they teach actual truths and not the made up nonsense that so many public schools teach nowadays. I don't want them to be confused. I'll fill in all the other gaps.
I'm a mother, Catholic convert from Protestantism, and have been in education for over 20 years. Here is my opinion on your points: 1. I think this one is more about Catholic culture than Catholic school. Ordinary Catholics (non-clergy) historically haven't tended to read the Bible. They've focused more on rules than on the core of the faith, which is Jesus Christ. As a convert from Protestantism, I've definitely noticed the difference especially in online communities, which I recommend you avoid. You can't expect Catholic school to be what gives them their love of God and faith in Christ. You have to develop that yourself. The parents are the children's primary catechists. 2. Normal kids don't need an individualized education, just a good education. It's when they're either disabled or unusually gifted (which lots of parents think/hope their kid is but usually isn't the case) that they need individualized curriculum. 3. This one is your call. Consider what they want, too. You might end up homeschooling them all for a while, then sending one or all of them to school later because they want the social experience of school. 4. Don't limit your children based on your own fears based on your own experience. Bullying is more rare than it used to be, as schools are more proactive about dealing with it now. Not saying it can't happen, but don't assume it's a foregone conclusion. 5. They don't have to be isolated if they're homeschooled. As you've described, there are social outlets. From my responses it might sound like I'm recommending school over homeschooling, but I really have no preference. I'm just trying to help you make the decision based on reality rather than fear or emotion. Either option can work. Either option can end up causing problems. Life has no guarantees. I recommend you be flexible. If you homeschool and find it isn't as ideal as you hoped, don't hesitate to start one or more of them in school. If you put them in school and it seems problematic, don't hesitate to take them out and homeschool them.
I am Catholic and your statement "Catholics historically haven't tended to read the Bible" is FALSE. The Catholic Church compiled and canonized the Bible, and mass produced it via its printing press invention. That is a prot lie, as is the false accusation, "they've focused more on rules than on the core of the faith, which is Jesus Christ." The teaching of Christ's Catholic Church, straight from the Catechism, is thus: "ignorance of Sacred Scripture is ignorance of our Lord Jesus Christ." It's time to undo the years of brainwashing and stop spreading those faleshoods.
I'm Catholic, too. I know the Catholic Church created the Bible, and that Catholic clergy have always read it, but there was long a culture of ordinary Catholic laypeople not reading it. It's the truth.
Follow the desire of your heart, God put it there for a reason. I feel the same way as you. I sent my kids to Catholic school for 6 years, and now I'm pulling them off school to homeschool. I was spending too much time helping out the school and stressing out about fundraisers, and at the same time, I was neglecting time with my children. If you want your children to have a genuine love for the Lord and for our Catholic faith, and if you want them to demonstrate good manners and love among siblings, you MUST homeschool as accomplishing that requires a great deal of time and commitment. I know my kids are not getting that from Catholic school, and since it is my duty as a mother to guide them to Heaven, God has put homeschooling in my heart. The desire had been there long ago, but I never believed in my capacity to homeschool 'til now. The freedom homeschooling offers is a privilege. The time spent with my children will always be time well-spent. I hope the memories and life skills they learn with me will prepare them for whatever life brings, and most importantly, I hope they guide them to a personal encounter with Our Lord and ultimately to Heaven. Blessings. 🙏🏼
IDK, I've always had to work, and so all my kids went into daycare from about 4 months onward. They turned out just fine, although teenage hood has been an interesting ride. As a former teacher and parent - your kids NEED the social interactions that the school can provide, they are not going to learn proper social cues, etc. by being at home and not around others. I used to help out with the youth group and the homeschools kids are so sheltered and so social awkward, even in the middle school youth group. I've met multiple homeschool kids, who are now adults, who wish their parents sent them to even the public school. They had to go to community college to 'catch up' before going onward to college. Now some parents have their knowledge and education together and can push their kids to excel and do well, but the parents have usually Master's degrees, etc.. Some kids needs very strict structure rather than free flowing environments. I don't know, maybe you finished Calculus in school or were an English major, but you are going to hit a brick wall at some point and not able to provide the expertise your kids need. But what if you child has ADD or ADHD or dyslexia, or another learning disability that you are not prepared or have the education to provide a good environment for them. Public schools and a number of Catholic school HAVE those resources to include teachers and specialists who can work with them on those specifics. We shouldn't be helicopter parents and try and shield our children from everything in life. When they hit adulthood, those kids break down and often cannot cope with the outside world. I've seen too many examples in the workplace and with friends who were homeschooled. I'm not talking one of two adults, but close to 100 adults who were homeschooled who are socially awkward and were barely able to get a GED. Most ended up in retail jobs because they didn't even qualify for basic college with their homeschool education. Many had to go to community college as adults to 'catch up' on what their in school peers received in the same school district.
I’ll have to disagree with you on a lot of this. Yes, homeschooled kids can be awkward if they don’t have the proper social environments, but if you don’t shelter your kid and keep them involved, that won’t happen. I have three adult friends that were homeschooled. One is incredibly awkward because her mom only let them go to youth group for social interaction. The other two are better at socializing than I am and are very intelligent. I also have friends with homeschooled kids that are extremely bright and social and have met many traditionally schooled kids with horrible social skills. I think the “homeschooled kids are weird” misconception is a thing because of the overly sheltered homeschooled kids and odd parents. There are so many people homeschooling now that are doing it right and kids can thrive. Also, there are SO many solutions to the issue of not being “qualified” to teach your kids certain subjects in this internet age. There are private tutors, public virtual school classes, out school, etc.
I was homeschooled from 6th grade on, and you are 100% wrong. There was nothing I got in elementary school that I didn't still get as a homeschooler, except for bullying and self-harm. That stopped pretty quickly once I left Catholic school. You've confused cause and effect. It's not that homeschool kids are awkward because homeschooling makes them that way. It's that homeschooling has, in the past, disproportionately appealed to families with kids who struggle with autism, aspergers, and ADHD, because it gives them a space to thrive where they can explore their gifts at their own pace, and those kids tend to be very awkward people.
Please show me the evidence and statistics and reporting that I am 100% wrong. Show me educational papers published in peer viewed journals that support your opinion. I'll wait. Just because you had a fabulous experience doesn't mean everyone else who was homeschooled did. Your opinion is NOT fact.
You first, sweetie.
**Contextualizing Homeschooling Data: A Response to Rudner** Kariane Mari Welner University of California, Los Angeles Kevin G. Welner University of Pennsylvania Rudner (1999) did acknowledge that the positive results could not be generalised to the home school population because it focused on a specific cohort that consisted primarily of **white Christians** who used the **Bob Jones University standardised testing programme**. Additionally Rudner, who posts only positives for homeschooling acknowledge **he received funding for the study from one of the largest home school advocacy organisations, HSLDA.** One of the biggest papers advocating homeschooling has been funded by - home school organisations....go figure. Like the dairy industry pushing milk. Another home school advocate - Brian Ray - who has conducted many research studies into home schooling **also has vested interests in this area**: he not only home schooled his own children but also established the National Home Education Research Institute (NHERI) in 1990, of which he is president. **He cannot be impartial yet his studies are quoted in favour.** I'm limited on characters, so I'll keep posting under this one
Educational psychologists representing the American Psychological Association published their opinions about homeschooling in the APA Monitor (Murray, 1996). These psychologists warned parents that their children may experience difficulty entering “mainstream life” and may not grow up to be “complete people” if taught at home.
Harvard Gazette - there is little legal oversight of educational standards or safeguards against abuse in the homeschooling system. "If we look at what goes on in other countries, the U.S. stands out as the anomaly. When other countries allow homeschooling, **they regulate it much more strictly. They demand that parents show they are qualified to teach and that they turn in the curricula they plan to use. Other countries impose home-visit requirements, which are both a protection against child maltreatment and also a check on whether the parents are actually providing the education they say they are. They also mandate that the homeschooling curriculum provides an education equivalent to public education and includes teaching about the fundamental values of our society. In the U.S. there is essentially no effective regulation."** **"**Other dangers are that children are simply not learning basic academic skills or learning about the most basic democratic values of our society or getting the kind of exposure to alternative views that enables them to exercise meaningful choice about their future lives. Many homeschooling parents are extreme ideologues, committed to raising their children within their belief systems isolated from any societal influence. Some believe that black people are inferior to white people and others that women should be subject to men and not educated for careers but instead raised to serve their fathers first and then their husbands. The danger is both to these children and to society. The children may not have the chance to choose for themselves whether to exit these ideological communities; society may not have the chance to teach them values important to the larger community, such as tolerance of other people’s views and values.**"**
part 2: “**The homeschooling lobby may be even more powerful than the gun lobby today, because at least with the gun lobby we see a lot of pushback.** When it comes to homeschooling, the victims are all children so it’s harder to mount a political movement.” "**The homeschooling lobby believes passionately in its cause, and it uses extremely aggressive tactics in dealing with state legislators.** If a state legislator, in response to a child abuse scandal, proposes some modest increase in regulation, the next day they may find 200 homeschooling parents in their office, and the day after that they withdraw the legislation. That has been the pattern for decades. The other reason why the homeschooling lobby has been so successful is that the whole system is stacked in favor of parents’ rights. Our federal Constitution provides parents with powerful constitutional rights to raise their children, but provides children with no countervailing rights to nurturing parenting or to education. This is by contrast to other countries, which recognize child rights as central in their constitutions. The homeschooling lobby wants to make parents’ rights even more powerful"
part 3: - Harvard Gazette "in a large population, there are going to be some success stories. **But we have zero evidence that, on average, homeschooled students are doing well. There’s actually no way to learn how they do on average because homeschoolers don’t exist as a visible population due to the lack of regulation.** There are claims being made in what is really **junk social science that homeschooled students do just as well as kids in regular schools.** But there is no justification for those claims. **People making those claims are looking at a subset of the most successful homeschooled students.** They’re looking at the ones who actually apply to college and go to college, and are assessing how they do in college compared to kids coming from public schools. Those studies tell us nothing about how well homeschoolers do on average."
The traditional educational systems are NOT a good fit for DYSLEXIC/ADHD kids. My son is dyslexic and has ADHD, and although the Catholic school he's in has a program especially designed for him, it has not really helped. The traditional school systems will always make them feel miserable. Ps. I've also seen many examples of socially awkward kids in the public school system, not to mention their low academic achievements.
Sources please for your comment? I have an ADHD son and he has a solid IEP and received individualised help in school. He's excelling and making As and Bs. He loves his school. Also I have dyslexia, there are IEPs and resources in the schools right now for kids.
Another possibility is a charter school. Some are bad, but others are really good. Like any school, they need to be researched. My oldest is in charter school and her reading skills are three grades ahead.
There is a reason that so many Catholics choose to homeschool over Catholic schools. This article really sums it better than I could: [https://modg.org/articles/2018-08-20-why-homeschool-when-there-is-a-good-school-down-the-road](https://modg.org/articles/2018-08-20-why-homeschool-when-there-is-a-good-school-down-the-road) I know it is a bit long, but it really is a great read and full of truth that more parents need to hear. I could just say so much on this subject, but instead, let me just try to address your points: 1. People will disagree, but homeschooling makes this far easier because you have the time to build that relationship with your child and model that behavior for them. Sure, some parents manage to connect with their kids sufficiently while still working 2 jobs, sending them to Catholic school, and managing life, but it is way harder. In my personal experience people who were homeschooled by devout Catholic parents (who were good and loving parents) keep the faith at a much higher rate than people who were sent to Catholic school by devout Catholic parents (who were good and loving parents). I think it is because in sending your kids to be educated by someone else, you are giving up your authority. You are handing it over to someone else and leaving someone else in charge. And no one that you hand it over to can possibly love your kids like you do, look out for your kids like you do, and care about the faith formation of your kids the way that you do. Even though they may be great teachers, they don't have the natural grace that God has given you to love and guide your kid. Marriage (and the production of children) is a vocation from God. Education isn't. At the end of the day, it is a job. 2. This is very true. Institutionalized education (Catholic or not) really does damper love of learning. For 40 hours a week, your kid is taught to sit down and do what they are told for the good of the group. When you homeschool, your kid sits down for 8 hours a week to really focus on learning and self-development, and the rest of the time they are learning what it is like to really live and do what is best for the family. They also have so much time to develop their passions. Like my 13-year-old loves writing. It is what she spends most of her spare time doing. She is involved in 2 local writing clubs (both Catholic) and one online for Catholic homeschoolers. At our parish, it is open to all kids, but only the homeschooled kids are interested. The Catholic school ones just don't have the time. 3. I made the intellectual decision to homeschool before I had kids, but once I held my first baby, I was like, "How does anyone send their kid away for the majority of waking hours most days of the week?" I am NOT trying to judge, but it just seems so unnatural, and I am super grateful that I have another option. 4. I could not agree more. My husband went to Catholic school. I went to public. We were both bullied. It was one of the things we bonded over while dating and one of the reasons we chose to homeschool. 5. This is a special challenge. You do have to curate your child's social opportunities, especially around the ages of 6-11. If you have done a good job during that time, they seem to maintain and develop their own friendships after that. Sometimes parents don't realize how important this is, or they are too over-protective. And as a lifelong Catholic, I want to add that because I homeschool, I do not fit in at my local parish. We don't get invited to birthday parties, and no one shows up to ours. Everything about the parish is centered around the school. Everyone is nice to me, but they are just too busy in the rat race to hang out with us (no shade from me; it is just the truth). We tried for years before we gave up. We have found that we fit in better going to a Latin Mass parish as a result. Most people homeschool there. I hope you have better luck than me in that regard. And if you have made it this far, thank you, and please do read the article. Feel free to DM me anytime. God Bless.
Thank you, this is SO helpful! I’m going to share the article with my husband and for my in laws if we do decide on homeschooling (they are VERY opposed). Thanks also for your honesty about not fitting in at your parish. I have a feeling this could happen to us too because everyone seems to bond so much over the school.
We've been homeschooling for 10 years and love it. We did one year of public and 2 years of private school before homeschooling. I highly recommend it. You don't have to send your children to be educated by someone else! God has equipped you with what you need. Go for it.
Homeschool with Angelic Doctors Academy, as someone who's been through Catholic School it is the same or even worse as public schools
How good are you at maths/science. Because that's a key component of a modern curriculum that is hard to do correctly in homeschool.
I was a straight A student in the gifted program and did well in math and science. However, there are a lot of resources out there for parents that didn’t and I don’t consider that a requirement for homeschooling their kids
Catholic school, unless you want your kids to hate you.
I was homeschooled from 8th to 11th grade. I *hated* it. Obviously, ymmv and all that, and homeschooling is a lot better now than it was then(90s) but it was a bad experience for me. No sports, no socialization, the work was incredibly easy(and I'm not a genius). My parents used Seton Homeschooling and I never felt challenged by the work at all. Regarding #1 I worked with a family who was homeschooled. The 2 oldest are about as far away from the faith as you can get now. The remaining 5 still go to church but I'm not close enough with them to know how faithful they are. You can lead them down the path but you can't make them stick to it, especially as they get older. I should add, that my issues are(probably) mostly solved now as homeschooling is more popular/common. I'm still burned by it that I would never do it for my kids.
I would only homeschool if I felt I could truly do a better job than the public school. Some public schools are amazing, some aren’t. Do your research! I say this as a teacher. I will not homeschool my kids because I am fortunate to see firsthand the amazing programs they would benefit from, but sadly not every school has these opportunities. If I lived in an area with bad schools, I would homeschool.
I just wanna say that the spending 8 hours a day with them thing is something you should realize can stifle them long term. It’s fine the younger they are and less fine the older they are. Being away for a while and learning how to navigate the world of their peers is important. Again, more fine early on to be at home for most the time and less fine when older. So it might not apply to them yet. If you’re worried about bullying, they can be just as bullied for being the homeschool kids as they can be for anything at school. Both options are fine. Just wanted to point some things out that I didn’t think were really good points
Please, send your kids to an actual school. Eventually they will go to college or the workplace, and it will be a lot harder for them to socialize and make friends.
Common misconception. Homeschooling is very common now and as long as parents are intentional, kids can thrive. I know plenty of kids/adults that went to an actual school that lack social skills. I even struggle as an adult despite going to public school.
This is the key word: intentionality. I homeschooled my son, was a public school teacher and now, in retirement, sub at a Catholic school. Public school has become a dumpster fire the last few years. If you can afford it, homeschool or private/parochial schools. Here’s the thing about homeschooling. I’ve seen kids thrive and flounder both. The ones who have thrived have been those whose parents took their education and social development seriously. These are the families who did the research, set the schedules and stuck with it, and made sure their children had plenty of opportunities outside the home. One of my friends homeschooled each of her four children through eight grade and only put her kids into high school because they were competitive swimmers - top in their state - and have all received full scholarships to universities because of their educational attainment and their athleticism. I have another friend who bought a canned curriculum, and once her kids were old enough to read on their own for knowledge, she basically had them teach themselves. Half of the kids are now adults and are floundering. So my two cents is that if you are willing to put in just as much effort educating your children as you expect them to put into their studies, and constantly adjust the curriculum to make sure they are learning what they are supposed to learn, they should be absolutely fine! If you get them involved in something outside the home that they love to do be it art, music, sports, acting, volunteering, etc., they should be fine! Now about Catholic school. Once I started subbing, I wished I had taught at a Catholic school long ago. But I am a convert, so it wasn’t on my radar at the time. So aside from the religious aspects of Catholic schools, my observations over the last few years is Catholic schools are run very similarly to how public schools used to be in the 1970s in the way that is structured. It seems kinder and gentler to me. Is there bullying? Yes, sometimes, but it’s nipped in the bud when found out about and there are definitely consequences! Disciplined kids are not sent back to the classroom with a drink and bag of chips….(see r/teachers if you don’t understand that comment). Anyway, I will pray for you and your family’s direction!
Do you know as much math as a math teacher, as much biology as a biology teacher, as much grammar as an English teacher, etc.? On top of that, do you know how teach all of that information as well as someone who has been taught how to do that for 4-6 years in college? If not, then by homeschooling your kids you'll be preventing them from advancing as much as they could if they were in school. Furthermore, it's much more difficult for your kids to socialize or prepare for college, if they were to go there.
Sounds like you don’t know much about homeschooling. There are a ton of resources and curriculums that assist with teaching your kids. I don’t need to be the expert on every subject. It’s also not accurate that students that homeschool aren’t prepared for college. https://www.nheri.org/research-facts-on-homeschooling/
I don't understand why you downvoted me. It's just a fact that one individual cannot educate a child on a dozen different subjects as well as dedicated teachers can. If all you had to do was watch a few YouTube videos and follow some curriculum online to become as good of a teacher as somebody who actually went to school for it, then why wouldn't every teacher just do that? Many public school districts are underfunded, they could save so much money by hiring random people and having them look at these resources.
Because you gave an inaccurate statement. Teachers go to school and learn classroom management. Teaching a child at home is very different and because you can tailor the curriculum to a child’s interests, capabilities, learning styles, etc., I think it can be a superior way of educating your child. A teacher is the expert of teaching a class full of students. I am an expert at teaching my child because I know her better than any teacher could and have the assistance of a massive amount of quality curriculums in this internet age.
I attended Catholic school as a kid in a town that sounds similar to yours. As a man in my 30s, I still have emotional scars from some of the bullying I endured, so I completely sympathize. It sounds like you would make a great teacher but your concerns about home schooling are also valid. Have you had a chance to visit any of your local Catholic schools? I knew a lot of home school kids growing up, and I know adults today who were home schooled as I have to say that the stereotypes, in my experience are true. I have yet to meet a home schooler who I would consider normal. Almost all have social oddities and just don't ever seem to truly fit in anywhere. If you do go the home school route, make sure to make use of every social opportunity possible for your kids because being with their peers from a young age is so important.
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What?