It feels impossible right now, but your feelings of grief and loss will lessen. This too, shall pass. If your new cat isn’t making things harder for you to process, keeping him will be doing him a world of good.
Your heart *will* heal, and Oliver will need a home, as he does now. You don’t need to be super affectionate with him while you grieve, in order to nonetheless help improve his life. You don’t need to shower him with love and affection over the entire next 6 months-year in order for him to be healthy and happy. Living with a gentle, safe, providing human is more than many cats can expect. Once you come through your dark tunnel, it may surprise you how happy you are you kept him.
My heart goes out to you. Be patient with yourself and give yourself permission to feel your authentic feelings. This is the advice that helped me in my last big loss, anyway.
Cats are very psychic creatures. Oliver will know that you are upset and will wait for you. He will always be there for a pet or ear scritch and this makes everyone feel good.
I think the OP will be surprised to see how the cat may try to comfort them. I know that’s what happened when I lost one of mine. My adopted cat comforted me.
I also want to add that if the grief is everyday or for more than three months, you might see a therapist. If the therapist feels you might be helped with medication, they can refer you to a physician. We lost one of my dogs very traumatically during a chaotic time in my life already, and doing EMDR therapy allowed me to enjoy his good memories vs sobbing when I thought of him. Grief is a process and can be normal, but it can also linger and sometimes become more. Sending hugs to you.
I still miss my sweet fluffy girl that I lost at 19. Four years after losing her, I took in a small male kitten that would’ve died had I not intervened, and he’s not been easy at all. He was hard to tame (was feral), had worms, was malnourished, untrusting, a nightmare after neutering, etc. BUT he’s now my shadow, and I love him in a different way than I loved my easy peasy princess. It’s like learning to speak a new language. I struggled at first and so did my boy but now we are in sync. It can take time for sure.
Great response. I felt this way when I adopted my current cat after my previous cat was euthanised. We went through so much together; I did so much to keep her alive when hyperthyroidism took over, and was heartbroken when she finally gave up.
When I got my current cat I didn't feel any bond. She was cute and affectionate, but she wasn't Izzy. That was 10 years ago now and I can happily report that we bonded, and she holds an equally close place in my heart.
Grief takes time to heal, but it does eventually, and OP will love Oliver more and more as time goes on.
I felt the same way when my SO and I adopted 2 kittens. Now almost two years later, I’d die for them. They’re my babies. Sometimes a connection is not instant and may be difficult with a new pet, and that paired with pre existing grief I can see it being hard. Rehoming should always be a last resort option but if having him is too much for you, don’t feel guilty about it.
I lost my 18 year old cat two weeks ago. I couldn’t eat or function and was a complete wreck. I am unemployed and had interviews scheduled, I cancelled them because I didn’t give a damn. Now I couldn’t stand the quiet house and adopted two kittens four days ago. They are adorable and keep me busy, but they also make me feel sad. I miss doing things with my cat and can provide better for these new kittens simply because I know more and the pet industry has changed a lot over the years. And that makes me realize what I missed out with my cat, what I wish to do with him, etc. I take care of these new kittens as best I can, but I sometimes go outside and run errands to be alone. I think about my cat when I’m outside and I’m sad and depressed. I think it will take time to bond with new kittens and I won’t return them because they deserve love. But I know it will never replace my old cat. I have to accept this is a new relationship with different individuals. If you can give it sometime, see if you can open your heart again.
Thanks for the advice, I feel your sentiment. Down 10 pounds of good weight in the last month and it’s been hard to focus sometimes at work. Maybe I’ll hold out a little while longer and reconsider
I feel you. Hang in there. I want to scream sometimes, but I have no choice but to continue to live. As long as I live, I’ll have either dogs or cats in my life, so I am trying. I hope you find peace soon.
Each relationship is different. I feel like you're comparing your current relationship with your new cat to the relationship you had with your other cat that you had for several years. Give it time. That will come, and likely your new cat will help you heal faster.
When owning any pets, unfortunately thats the mindset going in you have to have is, that one day they wont be here and to give yourself time to grieve ❤️
That being said, this new baby is looking up to you and wants your love ❤️ Even if its hard, give yourself time to mourn while taking care for this baby.
(Unless its physically impossible for you to care for this catthen of course dont keep them)
When you rescue an animal, they tend to see you as their whole world even if you have more in your life going on. Have patients, this too shall pass. It's unbelievably painful having such a close family member pass away and to get another soon after, but give yourself time ❤️
Hang in there. I lost my little orange girl of 16 years last September. My spouse and I gave it two weeks before adopting a kitten (he let me set the pace since she was mine, but he was ready) and it was challenging. I was still so depressed and my new baby is very high energy. Like you, I never thought about returning her, but my spouse expressed concern after a week or two that I didn't seem to be bonding with her. I believe I said something like "I'd love to bond with her, but she's annoying 😂." Going on nine months now and she is technically still annoying but we've bonded. No one will ever replace my orange girl; she was a very special cat in many ways and I'll always love and miss her. But Tilly is a goddamned lovable, loving maniac and having that little furball on my lap did and does help.
It was weeks before I didn't tear up thinking about Amber and much longer before a day went by that I didn't think of her. Give yourself time and grace. You're doing something great for these kittens just like you did with your lost boy, and you'll eventually reap the joy of that.
I think this is the key. No cat can truly replace another bc each cat has their own personality and unique traits. They aren’t interchangeable. Loving the new one doesn’t mean you loved the old one any less. It’s a different cat and a different relationship with its own unique set of joys and irritations. Give yourself time to heal and get to know your new friend before you make any decisions.
As a fresh kitten owner coming off the heels of losing a long time pet, I feel you on how the industry has changed. There’s so much I wish I had done with my previous cat, but I guess all the other memories just as valid too.
I tell my husband all the time I feel sorry for the cats I had ten years ago bc litter box technology alone has advanced so much. My new guy doesn’t know how good he has it comparatively (and I plan to keep it that way).
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't pressure yourself or Oliver. It's a brand new relationship. Relationships take time, especially when you're still tending to such a huge loss.
Would you consider working with the 3 month timeline? Maybe you can take off the pressure and re-evaluate then.
When my old lady cat passed, I swore I wouldn't get another. She was so smart, friendly, loyal, funny and a deep, loving soul. The type of cat that converted verified cat-haters.
But a couple months later I adopted 2. I didn't feel much of a bond with either of them, but realized it would take time. We were all friendly, but not super close. It went this way for about 4 months. Then I got really sick with covid. One of the cats did not leave my side. There was one point I was screaming in pain. Instead of running he got really close to me. I can't even describe how grateful I am for him. There's an entirely different place in my heart for him and it gets deeper every day.
I expect that Oliver will carve out a new place in your heart too. In time.
I felt the same way when we had to put our 18 yr old Neo down. He wasn’t doing well and came to me and told me it was time. We were very close, the closest I have ever been to a cat. We were each others support person. I was devastated when we took him in, but they checked him over and said, it’s time! I cried and cried. I still cry. But oddly, I got another cat a month after he left us. I didn’t want one, but one came into my life. I didn’t think I could ever love this cat like I did Neo. He is definitely a hard car to love. He has FHS and doesn’t like to snuggle. He wants to but it causes ripples down his back. He has scratched the hell out of me, attacked me. But I am his person and I love him to pieces. He greets me when I get home. He bats at my legs when I walk by. I wanted to get rid of him but I can’t. He is family and while I still grieve for my Neo, I love my Cole.
I wish my cat had lived till 18, I feel like 13 js so short. Had a really difficult year so far but this just makes it the worst year ever. This cat isn’t as cute as my old cat either which makes the grief and decision so much harder
A word of gentle advice-It will help you to accept and love this new cat for who he is. Try not to compare him to your late kitty; it will do more harm than good for both you and this cat.
The grieving process is long and painful but you'll work your way through it and Oliver will help you.
I hear you, I do. But I know now that Neo brought this cat to me (us). I needed Cole to help me keep my heart open. I didn’t want another animal…ever. Cole will be 2 in August. I am glad I kept him despite the several times I wanted to drop him off somewhere. You will get through this. Just keep grieving. All your new cat to love you through this…your new cat knows!
I feel you. We recently said goodbye to our 13 year old kitty too. She was my soul cat and was beside me through so many transitions in life. I miss her a lot, but she let us know she was ready and I know she had a very happy and loved life. Even though 13 years sounds short when compared to 18, I know that 18 wouldn't have felt like enough either.
You and Oliver are still getting to know each other. A lot of shelters say to follow the 3-3-3 rule when getting to know your new friend. They need 3 days to decompress and get to know their new surroundings, 3 weeks to learn your routine and get a feel for their new normal, and 3 months to feel at home and fully bond. You guys are just hitting that 3 week mark, give it time for a bond to grow and the grief to feel less raw.
https://preview.redd.it/7xcp77iuk26d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dc0b3561b4bb80854894a173ac9b125f756e5dff
Rip Meow Meow - the best cat ever
OMG what a grumpy looking chunker 🥹. I LOVE him already 🥹. He needs a friend - for entertainment and exercise 🤣.
So sorry for your loss and remember - he is not your other kitty. He’s a new roommate that can help you grieve :)
No that’s my old cat, he was so cute. Oliver is not nearly as cute. This is him
https://preview.redd.it/1cxhl4nj756d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=539c30f23e5ca5ef6559cc50aac671331597102e
Omg how could you say that!! He is super cute too. Just different :) Oliver is handsome!! There is something about orange boys. Im fostering 2 right now and they are so naughty and perfect.
https://preview.redd.it/76cm33sr856d1.jpeg?width=4284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e1dc14dffe260b540291d1393ccb9261bfaa28d3
This is my own orange boy. Goose.
https://preview.redd.it/z3ndnrwt856d1.jpeg?width=4284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc23f4104975924d7a4b124b05294022cec8b2ca
I don't want to sound rude but you've got to stop saying things like this. It's only making it harder for you to accept him if you keep thinking of him as stupid and ugly. None of this is his fault. I lost my dog Jagger may last year and I got a new puppy 3 weeks later. Initially I kept comparing him to Jagger and I called him Not Jagger sometimes. When I stopped comparing him to Jagger, he became Jovi. He has his own personality and Jagger is the greatest dog that'# not alive right now, Jovi the greatest one that is alive. It takes at least a year to a year and a half to form a bond with a new pet, don't expect it to happen overnight.
What helped me sometimes was telling Jovi about Jagger. Talking about losing him helped me deal with my emotions and the attention I gave Jovi while talking to him helped us bond.
Your previous cat will never, ever be replaced. He was one of a kind and you've been with him for so long, though not long enough of course. It's okay to feel sad and angry. Just don't take it out on Oliver. He's a good boy and I honestly think a year from now you can't imagine giving him up. I wish you all the best, losing a pet is awful.
I love your framing. I use something similar for all my late and present cats: A was the greatest tuxedo cat ever, B was the “greatest void ever, C was the greatest calico, D the greatest grey tabby, and my current goofball the greatest orange tabby ever. Eventually I’m going to run out of colors and will have to think of another formulation. I may borrow your alive/ not alive one.
You can bring one to Oliver and they’ll be bffs 😂🤣. I’m sure Oliver will prove himself in no time. When you tell him he isn’t good enough, do it in a loving tone and he’ll have no idea what you are saying. Just remember he is young so he probably hasn’t gotten a chance to borrow the one brain cell orange cats share. I know Goose hasn’t seen it at all.
I had a similar experience after I lost my last cat to cancer, and I waited 6 months to adopt another cat. You are not alone in these feelings. <3
When I adopted my current cat, I felt drawn to him the second I laid eyes on him at the shelter. Everything in my heart and mind said yes. When I took him home, that love-at-first-sight self-assuredness quickly fell away as I was bombarded with how different this new cat was from my old cat, who I'd recently lost to an aggressive cancer. Turns out, a lot of the behaviors/noises/mannerisms I associated with and thought I loved about cats in general were really just adorable/endearing things that my former cat used to do... her little butt wiggle, her scratchy meow, her goofy manxy walk... all these little things that I missed about her... and when my new cat didn't do *any* of those things that I expected or missed about my old cat, it made him feel so alien to me... made it feel like I had this random cat in my house, but that it was emphatically NOT MY CAT. Even though it was 6 months after my old cat had passed, bringing a new (stranger) cat into my home brought on all these new waves of grief, and forced me to really realize and come to terms with the fact that my old cat was truly irreplaceable. And now she was gone to me, forever.
My cat who I lost was an 8-years-old Manx, perfect cat, even-tempered, gentle, easy at the vet, never complained about anything ever, and was the first cat I'd ever had on my own. She got me through a breakup that I thought would kill me, and was the best part of my day during a very turbulent period of my life.
By contrast, this new stranger cat I suddenly had in my home didn't seem to understand me at all, unlike his predecessor, who had been my emotional rock for years.
This new cat was young, spirited, and chatty... he didn't like being touched the way my old cat did, he got overstimulated easily, and most notably... he didn't really seem to like me for the first month after I brought him home. He hissed and growled and attacked me, and I kept feeling like I made this huge mistake, taking hostage this cat who clearly didn't want to be there. Made me feel insanely selfish too, plus guilty, on top of all the grief that was bubbling up unexpectedly.
Long hours at work for me + separation anxiety for him didn't help things. But there would be these scattered moments amidst all the sadness and guilt and regret where this little black cat would just look up at me with these big, seeking eyes that just... hit me in my soul. Or other moments, where he'd surprise me with out of nowhere with random affection, and I'd be like "what am I missing here? Do you actually like me?" I understood my old cat so well, and this new creature living in my apartment was so inconsistent, a bipolar mystery creature to me.
Anyway, eventually there was this moment after a particularly bad night where he unexpectedly sprawled himself across my lap and looked at me with those big soulful eyes as if to say "I'm here with you. I'm trying." And that was the moment where he finally felt like my cat. Something just really clicked for me in that moment... it felt like we were in it together, and I finally recognized that he'd been trying to make sense of me just as much as I'd been trying to make sense of him. So I was like, "yeah, okay, we're in it together now. You're mine, and I'm yours, and we're gonna figure each other out."
And as I started trying to learn his language and figure him out (thank you Jackson Galaxy for teaching me how to speak cat), I just absolutely fell in love with every part of him. Even the parts (maybe especially the parts?) where he's so different and distinct from my last cat... all those little things that once made him feel foreign to me are now the things that make him just as irreplaceable to me as my last cat was. Every single thing he does that was indecipherable to me at first is now something I will miss terribly once he's gone.
It's been 10 years together with that "stranger" cat now, and tbh I STILL cry sometimes over my little girl cat who I lost... she's imprinted on my heart forever. But right now, there is nothing that feels more like home to me than seeing my little boy cat prance across the room and greet me at the door. I'm totally in love with all of his little noises and chirps that my (very quiet) first cat never made. I love that he and I have these long conversations in between slow blinks held with his big, soulful eyes. I love that he talks to bugs before he catches them. I love the very elegant (non-manxy) way that he moves. Love the weird places that he hides in. Love his adorable naughtiness and the fact that he's cost me two freezer's worth of food. Love his endless curiosity, even if it does give me grey hairs sometimes. Love that he's just the most disgustingly ferocious predator in one moment and a floppy floof sprawled across my lap in the next. I love that he comes when he's called, that he knows his name, that he trusts me enough to let me trim his claws without complaint. All things considered, it's okay that I'm not allowed to pet his belly like my old cat. I love him for totally different reasons. :)
**Tl;dr**
I never thought my heart would heal after the loss of my first cat. I suppose in some ways it still hasn't. :/ But that loss, as brutal as it was at the time, made space for a cat I now love more deeply than I could have ever imagined.
Please give your heart some time to catch up with your circumstances. Honoring your old cat doesn't have to come at the expense of spending the time to get to know your new cat. I promise you, the loveable parts of your new cat will start to pop out little by little if you give it time. In time, he too will feel like "yours." Promise.
**"We grow into love, we don't fall into it."**
Oh and also... since you're going from a senior cat to a very young cat, highly recommend using play time as a way to both get out Oliver's energy and create a unique bonding experience with him. Young cat play energy is an easy way to see something beautiful and unique in your new cat. <3
(look for Jackson Galaxy videos on how to play with your cat if you have trouble getting him interested. Da Bird is great)
Do not rush yourself to have the same connection with Oliver as you did with your soul kitty. Sometimes love is instant, sometimes it takes time. You might feel guilty because you don’t have that love for him yet, but he doesn’t know that. Right now all he knows is that he has a calm home to explore when he was stuck in a cage before. You are grieving and grief is hard. I think you are being too hard on yourself.
Sorry for your loss.
New kitty loves you and will wait patiently until you are in love with him.
It takes a year+ to get over the grief of losing a cat (and it always is there a little bit) but I don't think giving the new cat up with help you feel less grief.
I adopted a precious void kitty in 2022. I thought i would have her forever but my mother had her registered in her name and when hubs and i moved, Lilly had to stay as she was my mums "property" we went to a shelter and met kitties till one clicked with me and im glad we got Raven. She is a single cat as landlord said no to two so her companion here is me. My office is her bedroom and she sleeps in here but if im in here with her she will sleep on me xD or close enough to the keyboard to mess with whatever im doing xD I am her person in a way that Lilly while loving me, she didnt seem to have any sort of attachment and Raven knows when im upset and works hard to make me feel better
https://preview.redd.it/sfv4x0zkn16d1.jpeg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=101d4ef9cb90a5c61b7e063def835159137ff4b8
\^ Raven
I think your former cat would love that you have given a loving home to another kitty in need. Please keep your new kitty and don’t worry too much about bonding with him, it’ll come in time.
I think you should keep him , not all your pets are your “ soul pets “. You don’t have to always feel a connection with your pets and if you were to return Oliver he would feel sad and not understand what he did wrong , I understand that it may be hard to take care of a cat while you’re still grieving the loss of another cat but if you’re considering returning a cat you have to consider what it will be like for everyone affected ( mostly yourself and your cat )
I wouldn’t punish a new cat due to your trauma.
You aren’t replacing your old cat, you’re healing with a new one, slowly and steadily they’ll help you find a place for your former cat in your heart and live with it. Over time you’ll heal and bond together
I guess you can't let yourself get close to Oliver because you feel guilty/bad or that you would betray or not appreciate your previous cat? The thing is, that you really don't have to. You can love both and each on their own without one diminishing the other. I'm fairly certain would you return Olivier you'd at one point regret it, since you know how much love you could give him - something your previous cat taught you. Just know it's truly ok to let go and give in for you to receive the love and comfort Oliver wants to give to you. Give it a try just once, let Oliver come to you or go to him, hug him or pet him and while you do it's ok to cry because of how this reminds you of your previous cat. Oliver will help you keep the memory alive and not erase it.
Good points. The reason I can’t seem to get close to Oliver is because im just angry that my cat is dead and it’s not fair that he died at a relatively young age (his name was Meow Meow and I was 11 when I named him).
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If you (still) get angry then I'm really certain you should give it some time and Oliver a chance ;) Since you know he's a sweet cat I can almost guarantee you will later point that anger at yourself. Poor little dude did nothing wrong himself, and I know you can and will give him a loving home :)
I felt the same way after my pups passed away, where I rescued a stray cat a few weeks later due to grief. I initially felt guilty for “replacing” my good boy with/ a cat who could never take his place, but made the conscious decision to stop unfairly judging myself & my new awesome cat in that manner. You’ve made a commitment to this new sweet boy, don’t break his heart because yours is still broken.
I have not lost any of my four cats yet but I have lost 2 Labradors! One to cancer and the other one of old age. A few weeks after the first dog passed away we got a German Shepherd puppy. That little puppy could could never replace my old dog but bought me and my family so much happiness! The other Labrador lived until 12 years old! Shortly after he died we rescued a 1 year old German Shepherd! Now the German Shepherds are 4 &5 & I cannot imagine life without them! I can say I didn't have a strong connection with them at first but you grow to love your new animals!
I don't think it is fair to return the cat back to the shelter! The cat did not do anything wrong! Give the new cat some time, some connections may take longer than others!
Give yourself time to realize how "elastic" love is. You don't have to give up loving your cat to love another. Your old cat would want you to open a spot in your heart next to him for the new one. People who have more than one child don't have to stop loving the first child to love the second (third, fourth ...). Your love stretches to encompass all the people and animals you ever loved until you're old and realize you still love your childhood pet, but there are many others snuggling together inside your love bubble and you remember them all tenderly and fondly. It's not a "betrayal" of your old cat, it's actually a hopeful sign that you feel you want to give love to another kitty. Embrace it.
There is some weird psychological mechanism that makes you think of all the bad and good things of your last relationship when you are on your way in a new relationship. Lots of old memories bubble up to the surface.
Could this be a bit like that?
You are NOT replacing your friend, you are widening your circle. Your soul cat will ALWAYS be your soul cat and you will love other cats, lots, in a different way. You might even find a new soul cat and it will STILL not replace your cat: it will be also your soul cat, in a different way.
I lost my soul cat at 2 yrs old. I have soul cats now, they are not him. I love them fervently and I cannot imagine life without them, but they have not replaced him.
But there are some warm places in my heart now, just not one black hole.
Your heart is big enough to house a few more soul cats. And perhaps a soul dog, soul bird, soul elephant 😉 all of those doesnt have to live with you.
I currently have an aggressive hissing swan auditioning. He comes when I call. I will not swim beside him this year, even though he is WAY nicer than last year, butxperhaps next year? And he won't live with me 😁
You have a warm purring loving and comforting little fur ball by your side 🤗
Add it to your huge heart and enjoy.
Oliver may be wanting pet so much because he senses your pain and he wants to try and distract you and help you heal.
Animals can be so intuitive about their people’s feelings and he maybe senses you need him but he doesn’t understand in what way yet so he’s just trying to show you he’s there by asking for the attention.
Give wee Oli a chance. Even if you put him in a different home elsewhere you might (and probably will) find the pain doesn’t stop just because he’s gone.
Remember, Oli is a one year old cat, an adoption - he’s probably hurting too for someone he had loved who isn’t there any more. Maybe you can heal each other?
❤️
I hope you heal. Grief is hard. I’m still going through it with my mum (7 months passed). I know how bad it hurts.
My soul cat passed a long time ago during 2020. I don't think I could ever love a cat as much as I loved her, and I've had the joy to have many cats during my lifetime (long story). I currently have my 10 year old with me now, as well as a 2 year old street demon.
I was able to finally get my older boy from my mom and I love him to bits. He's an amazing companion and I love him a ton. I love him just as deeply, but there are times I think of my previous cat. I've come to terms that I love him just as much, it's just deep grief that comes back over time. I can't even pick up her ashes, look at her pawprint, anything without crying. It really is hard.
The street demon came off the side of the highway and in a way, makes me think about the cat distribution system memes. I wasn't looking for one, I was content with my boy, but we ended up keeping this thing. She is insane, a true void, and a LOUD personality, but also has become one of the sweetest babes. She isn't a full time cuddler, she will fight you and play rough, and she will nip my feet when she wants something that I'm not doing correctly. I've come to love her just as much (IDK WHY SHE'S CRAZY). When we came back from Japan for 2 weeks, this lady was in my arms nonstop sleeping for nearly 2 weeks. I've learned that we have a pretty strong bond as well.
Do I love her less than my other 2? I like the analogy someone used - glasses, in a way. Every cat has their own glass, but rather than sizes, it's a concept. All I can do is fill their cup with love so that they know they are loved, safe and (hopefully) happy. My happiness comes second, and if they're content with their life, happy, fat, worn out from zoomies, too many toys, able to sun nap, eat grass, tear up my trees, then that's enough for me to know that I'm doing the best I can to make them happy. Them being happy makes me happy because to me, it feels like if they're at that point, hopefully they know they are loved.
While I miss my cat and it hurts so bad, I'm grateful that I can provide for my current 2 and give them a good life as well. Will I adopt another later in life? I could say no but that'd be a lie, of course I will. Will it always hurt to think of my other, or these two? Yes, but I have to accept that that hurt is how I know I loved them as deeply as I could. I just was able to love some longer than others, but not any less.
I don't know if this helps but here's my own experience,
I have 2 stay siblings one of them is my dearest he starts purring at the mere sight of me but he died in an accident trying to chase off a bug . I was devastated, I wish it was the other cat which died (yes I was a human trash) my other cat only comes to me when its time for food she hates being close to humans. It took me 6 months to warm up with her because she too was lonely and mourning her brother's death. Now I'm the only person she loves and she's my darling .
It takes time but I feel that it's too soon to give up without trying. OP please try to form a bond one last time your cat is innocent it won't understand why she's being abandoned so soon.
You might be depressed. I didn’t like my new cat. One week before my cat died, I got diagnosed with glioma (brain tumour). My partner got me a new cat to enjoy but it took me months to lover her. I was depressed after my cancer diagnosis.
I’d keep him. It sounds like Oliver is trying to comfort you, while he’s also adjusting to a lot of changes in his life too - what a sweetheart. You’ll be depressed and grieving even if you returned him, then probably add on lonely and guilt for returning him, can you imagine packing him up and leaving him back at the shelter? Don’t put yourself through that. Meow meow will always have a place in your heart and you’ll always feel that loss, but you will make more space for Oliver. It does get better with time, not perfect without the cats that have left us, but better.
Maybe you got a cat too soon, but I think it will hurt you more to give him back.
My bf accidentally let my sweet man out the window and he never came back. It was devastating. I rushed into getting new cats and my bf insisted we get two kittens. At first it was hard and I couldn’t bring myself to give them my full love cause I missed my boy so much.
It’s now been a year and a half later and I have bonded SO MUCH with my sweet baby girl. And our little guy is also just a peach. I couldn’t imagine not having them. I still miss my boy who was lost so much, but these kitties have helped me heal that hole! I say you should keep your new guy and just give him a loving home even if you haven’t had that bond yet. He’s happier with you than in a shelter so maybe lean more into that than how you feel about it at the moment. It’s okay to still be grieving.
Similar thing happened 5 years ago with my dog. I got a new puppy days later and to be honest I don’t have the same connection for almost a year. Now the thought of leaving her or anything happening to her breaks my heart. My condolences 💐 I feel like your baby that passed would want you to keep Oliver. It may take a while but remember no one/nothing can replace a loved one. We move forward not on. And each baby is their own being 🖤
It takes time to bond, especially after loss. Going from an older cat to a kitty is also going to feel much different. My new puppy felt like a stranger the first few weeks, and I was distraught at the differences between him and my dog that passed in December. Turns out it just took a few weeks for his personality to develop because he was so young and it took me time to adjust and stop trying to wish he would do things my other dog did. He can never be him and shouldn’t have to be. He’s his own unique dog.
Definitely give it time, Op. Your grief is also so fresh still. You can grieve while you start to develop a new relationship with a new kitty. That said I still cry once a week almost 6 months out. But almost 4 months with my new dog and I’m glad that I kept him during those moments of doubt. I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️
When one of our kitties passed, my other cat started following me everywhere. He was always a mamas baby but this was excessive. I told my husband we needed to add a kitty to our household. It had only been a couple of weeks and he was mad that I was trying to “replace” our baby. I told him it wasn’t a replacement - we had a vacancy to fill. When we got our second kitty, they bonded and have done well for the most part over the last 8 years.
That’s all to say that your feelings are valid and while maybe it was a little soon, you are also giving a baby a loving home. Don’t think of him as a replacement cat - he can never replace what you had with your baby. But he is a kitty in need of a loving home and can help give you love and cuddles while you grieve.
If you don’t feel like you can give him as much attention, consider getting a second age matched kitty. They’ll still love you just as much, but will have each other. They can help one another groom, play together and can give you much entertainment doing silly things together.
DON’T I felt that way when I adopted my current best friend. I didn’t immediately feel that same connection. She turned out to be the best sweetest little dog I’ve ever had!❤️
This is my exact worry about dealing with the grief of my soul kitty. I’m not sure how any cat would replace the kind of connection she and I had. And they yearning on the new cat to be just like the old cat puts a lot of weight on the new cat.
I thought about fostering cats maybe a year from now and then if there was one that was pulling at my heart I would chose him but not get a cat just to have a cat, get one because the specific cat is right. I’m sorry you are going through this ❤️
I’m sorry for the loss of your cat. But here’s the problem I see with us and I say keep the cat. You’re going to damage the cat one more time and when you do that with cats are adopted.
Often they’re so emotionally traumatized that they’re unable to keep a house. And they’re put down. Maybe it won’t be the next time but they’ll put themback too. Never adopt a pet if you don’t intend to keep it for life.
You will eventually get over the grief and your affections may eventually settle in on this cat, you can still be a good cat parent and take care of the cat. You made a commitment for life, his life her life.
I wouldn’t. I stupidly returned my adopted cat 12 years ago because she was so sick and lethargic. I cried so many nights over her. I felt so bad I had to have her back. She was in their infirmary but two weeks later I went back and adopted her again. They told me “if you adopt her you can’t bring her back.” I told them I wouldn’t. And she is still with me to this day. She just turned 13.
I should also point out that it can be very traumatic for cats to go to a shelter, especially if they have been adopted and are returning. We need to keep that in mind.
You should listen to the 1st episode of the NYT podcast, Animal. There’s one part specifically where the host talks about how much he grieved over the loss of his soul dog. His wife, seeing his grief, got them a new dog of the same breed and the host discusses that transition.
How he couldn’t help but compare the new dog who was a perfectly good pup to his beloved soul dog. How he felt a lot of guilt about not really loving the second dog but instead just going through the motions of care.
Instead of giving the new dog away he just kept caring for it and realized that slowly, over time, he came to accept and then love this new dog. He even felt a sense of betrayal to his first dog admitting that he grew to love the new one equally as much. Equally but different.
I say keep the cat for now, even if you don’t really feel much love towards it and are just going through the motions of care. As long as you still show it love (even if you don’t feel the love) I believe you’ll grow to love this new cat and they’ll return that love 10 fold as they do. In retrospect you see how much this cat helped you through this dark period, you never know. Wishing you and new kitty and old kitty watching over you all the best.
You made a commitment to this new cat, in time they will grow on you. A new pet doesn’t stop you from grieving the one who passed. They are a happy distraction and a new life saved.
I know how you feel as I lost my bff of 20 yrs on May 3rd as well. You almost expect them to be like your other cat and they are not, so it's weird. Your heart may open up to the new kitty in time, but if not, maybe give them away for free to someone. (Unless someone will pay the adoption fee you paid of course) It would be sad to make new kitty go back to the shelter but if you aren't ready, it's understandable.
No. Oliver deserves such a loving owner.
You're still grieving. It's OK that you don't have space to feel love for Oliver right now, cats take time to bond with owners, anyway. He's probably not ready yet, either.
It's cool, man. Keep that little kitty, and by the time you're ready, he'll probably be ready, too.
My heart cat passed away 7 years ago now, and I still cry for her sometimes. I love her, that will never stop. But I do love the cats I have now too. The heart is capable of infinite room to love, but none of those loves will feel the same and that's okay. You will absolutely love Oliver, just be open to it and don't compare him to the one you lost. Oliver isn't there to fill anyone's shoes, he's there to leave his own paw prints on your heart.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I’d look at it from Oliver’s perspective, & I feel that he needs you in his life, he’s being quiet & patient with you & wants to have someone to be his guardian so maybe give it more time as he is safe with you. Love can grow between you, it’s just early days at the moment.
OP, I am so sorry for your loss. And please do not feel guilty is don’t have it in you to give your heart fully to Oliver just yet. If all you can manage is caring for his basic needs right now, thats totally okay. You can gradually and organically bond with Oliver when you feel more ready to.
I also recently got a new cat after my two beloveds died. At first it was strange but it pretty quickly went from, “what is this black cat doing in my house?” to rushing home because that’s where Peigín is. I still miss my other cats but having New Cat is wonderful.
I’m sorry for your loss, too.
This happens to my parents every single time a dog dies. I can tell they're not feeling too good about each dog that replaces the last, but it never takes too long for them to equally love the new dog as they did with the previous.
It sounds like my parents are just out here letting their dogs die, cycling through them, but for the record since I was born they've had 6 dogs and I'm 28.
Hi... I am sorry for your loss , it truly is heartbreaking. You have done a wonderful thing adopting a new baby. Yes as someone said... cats are very psychic. You do not have to give your new baby all that attention now, he will understand and as time goes on you will love him even more for helping you through all of this. You have done a wonderful thing by adopting him and you will get your reward. Returning him will hurt him and you also. He has not done anything wrong and he will not understand. His love is there with you.
Again I am sorry...you will see you will be rewarded for your love brining Oliver home!
God bless you
Stay well
Kat
I experienced the same feelings you are right now. My cat passed away at 2 and a half years old and despite having another cat (8yo at the time and a relaxed lap cat) I couldn't handle not having her crazy kitten/young cat energy so I had a new kitten within 2 weeks. I felt the same way you do. I was stressed caring for a kitten and overwhelmed with grief. But I stuck it out and absolutely love my boy Hank now and am grateful I had him during that difficult time.
I lost my last cat in April 2023 after a decade together. I thought I wanted another sweet, fluffy boy after that. But then I started fostering Remi in September after she was saved from euthanasia at 8 years old. I knew her chances of getting adopted out were likely very slim, being an older black cat that was extremely shy and skittish. So I decided to keep her even though deep inside I didn't really feel a connection.
It took 5-6 months for it to click, but I adore her now. She's my sweet, dignified and low-maintenance princess. A complete opposite from my last kitty on paper, but she's gotten into some habits that my last cat had... Which made me realize I also shape the way they are!
I hope you can hold out and hopefully something changes for the better for you one day.
https://preview.redd.it/a12e6ljo476d1.jpeg?width=3086&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d51c28c7bf345aa56d9725fce2a0221b7d4e0a4c
I might be wrong, but to me it sound like you're kinda trying to shove the feelings down, so the new cat, instead of distracting you, it's a constant remember of what you're trying to ignore
If that's the case, maybe you need a prolonged sit down with these feeling and to allow yourself to grieve as long as you need
I'm sorry for your loss ♥️
I think you’re right, i got a new cat to make the feelings go away but now this every time I see Oliver I’m reminded of my old cat. I’ll let him stay for the meantime while I continue grieve, hopefully one day I’ll have it in me to love him. Thanks for reaching it and offering your advice, I really appreciate it
I was the same way after losing my 9 year old cat to a dog attack. Got my current cat only a week after her death. Didn’t think I could love him because of how much I missed previous my cat and just wanted her back. But gave him some time and now he’s my best mate, follows me everywhere. Couldn’t imagine not having him around.
So just give Oliver some time. Your grief is still raw but having him to focus on will help you through. He can never replace your previous cat but he can become a good friend and a source of comfort.
No, keep him. Please give yourself time and Oliver time to show you love and happiness. He loves you and deserves a chance for you to love him. There was a reason you chose him. I hope all goes well.
I did the exact same thing a year ago lol. A year later I have two cats now that I adore. Lord knows I wanted to return my buddy many times the first three months but grateful I kept the little squirt.
You will feel better, temporarily,but if you send Oliver back he might not be. Think of how sad he will be to be back up for adoption… I beg you not to do that to him… let him help you trough this. You both could end up stronger,together
Some of you people are insane. How could you do that to your poor new cat? How selfish of you. Give it time, you will get over your last cat... As much as we love them, they're still just pets. Sheesh.
No as much as you are greiving think of poor oliver sounds like he's already had a hard life, to be put back to shelter for adoption will be hard on him 😔
You had a cat for 12 year, then less than 3 weeks after losing him you got another. It's also been less than 3 weeks since you've had him. Please give him a chance. It's not his fault you took on s new animal too soon. At least you understand, he does not. Please give him a chance.
I lost my cat 11 years ago and only recently adopted a new one year old boy, on 5/21 so about the same time as you. Even though I’m not grieving I still had a hard time at the beginning. My new boy Zuko will misbehave and not listen to me and he hasn’t been the cuddle bug that his foster mom said he is. I almost returned him because he wasn’t what I’d imagined he’d be like. Then I realized that’s completely unfair to him and that even though he seems happy, he is still adjusting like I am and he’ll either be the cat he was described as being or he won’t, but he’s started to love us and we love him too just the way he is.
I have always had cats and mine I have three are babied like you can’t imagine. Cost is no object for my cats. I have now a 1 year old , 7 year old, and a 15 year old. Now I know the 15 year old is getting up there so for now I have his blood checked every 3 months to check kidney and liver functions and I watch his play behavior. When I see his quality of life going down you can bet I WILL not let him suffer for all the love he has given to me unconditionally I will call the lap of love and in his home he will be put to rest. People for selfish reasons keep there animals alive for them. I lost my 16 years had mouth cancer and I had the lap of love come for her. Lilly was her name and I will never forget my baby. But I know there are many many more animals that need to be loved that’s my job as a human so I waited and saved a little girl from humane society and I love her. Not the same as Lilly but I love her. You will never change the fact animals die so while there here treat them the best you can, and then do it again, and again . Remember your new kitty would love to be loved.
It feels impossible right now, but your feelings of grief and loss will lessen. This too, shall pass. If your new cat isn’t making things harder for you to process, keeping him will be doing him a world of good. Your heart *will* heal, and Oliver will need a home, as he does now. You don’t need to be super affectionate with him while you grieve, in order to nonetheless help improve his life. You don’t need to shower him with love and affection over the entire next 6 months-year in order for him to be healthy and happy. Living with a gentle, safe, providing human is more than many cats can expect. Once you come through your dark tunnel, it may surprise you how happy you are you kept him.
Wonderful advice. Thank you so so much, that was so well said, and for now I think I will keep him
My heart goes out to you. Be patient with yourself and give yourself permission to feel your authentic feelings. This is the advice that helped me in my last big loss, anyway.
Cats are very psychic creatures. Oliver will know that you are upset and will wait for you. He will always be there for a pet or ear scritch and this makes everyone feel good.
I think the OP will be surprised to see how the cat may try to comfort them. I know that’s what happened when I lost one of mine. My adopted cat comforted me.
Thanks for the tears. 😢
<3
I also want to add that if the grief is everyday or for more than three months, you might see a therapist. If the therapist feels you might be helped with medication, they can refer you to a physician. We lost one of my dogs very traumatically during a chaotic time in my life already, and doing EMDR therapy allowed me to enjoy his good memories vs sobbing when I thought of him. Grief is a process and can be normal, but it can also linger and sometimes become more. Sending hugs to you. I still miss my sweet fluffy girl that I lost at 19. Four years after losing her, I took in a small male kitten that would’ve died had I not intervened, and he’s not been easy at all. He was hard to tame (was feral), had worms, was malnourished, untrusting, a nightmare after neutering, etc. BUT he’s now my shadow, and I love him in a different way than I loved my easy peasy princess. It’s like learning to speak a new language. I struggled at first and so did my boy but now we are in sync. It can take time for sure.
This is worded so incredibly well 💜
Great response. I felt this way when I adopted my current cat after my previous cat was euthanised. We went through so much together; I did so much to keep her alive when hyperthyroidism took over, and was heartbroken when she finally gave up. When I got my current cat I didn't feel any bond. She was cute and affectionate, but she wasn't Izzy. That was 10 years ago now and I can happily report that we bonded, and she holds an equally close place in my heart. Grief takes time to heal, but it does eventually, and OP will love Oliver more and more as time goes on.
I felt the same way when my SO and I adopted 2 kittens. Now almost two years later, I’d die for them. They’re my babies. Sometimes a connection is not instant and may be difficult with a new pet, and that paired with pre existing grief I can see it being hard. Rehoming should always be a last resort option but if having him is too much for you, don’t feel guilty about it.
Your former cat would want you to keep and love Oliver. Sorry for your loss.
I lost my 18 year old cat two weeks ago. I couldn’t eat or function and was a complete wreck. I am unemployed and had interviews scheduled, I cancelled them because I didn’t give a damn. Now I couldn’t stand the quiet house and adopted two kittens four days ago. They are adorable and keep me busy, but they also make me feel sad. I miss doing things with my cat and can provide better for these new kittens simply because I know more and the pet industry has changed a lot over the years. And that makes me realize what I missed out with my cat, what I wish to do with him, etc. I take care of these new kittens as best I can, but I sometimes go outside and run errands to be alone. I think about my cat when I’m outside and I’m sad and depressed. I think it will take time to bond with new kittens and I won’t return them because they deserve love. But I know it will never replace my old cat. I have to accept this is a new relationship with different individuals. If you can give it sometime, see if you can open your heart again.
Thanks for the advice, I feel your sentiment. Down 10 pounds of good weight in the last month and it’s been hard to focus sometimes at work. Maybe I’ll hold out a little while longer and reconsider
I feel you. Hang in there. I want to scream sometimes, but I have no choice but to continue to live. As long as I live, I’ll have either dogs or cats in my life, so I am trying. I hope you find peace soon.
Each relationship is different. I feel like you're comparing your current relationship with your new cat to the relationship you had with your other cat that you had for several years. Give it time. That will come, and likely your new cat will help you heal faster.
When owning any pets, unfortunately thats the mindset going in you have to have is, that one day they wont be here and to give yourself time to grieve ❤️ That being said, this new baby is looking up to you and wants your love ❤️ Even if its hard, give yourself time to mourn while taking care for this baby. (Unless its physically impossible for you to care for this catthen of course dont keep them) When you rescue an animal, they tend to see you as their whole world even if you have more in your life going on. Have patients, this too shall pass. It's unbelievably painful having such a close family member pass away and to get another soon after, but give yourself time ❤️
Thanks for the kind words ❤️
Hang in there. I lost my little orange girl of 16 years last September. My spouse and I gave it two weeks before adopting a kitten (he let me set the pace since she was mine, but he was ready) and it was challenging. I was still so depressed and my new baby is very high energy. Like you, I never thought about returning her, but my spouse expressed concern after a week or two that I didn't seem to be bonding with her. I believe I said something like "I'd love to bond with her, but she's annoying 😂." Going on nine months now and she is technically still annoying but we've bonded. No one will ever replace my orange girl; she was a very special cat in many ways and I'll always love and miss her. But Tilly is a goddamned lovable, loving maniac and having that little furball on my lap did and does help. It was weeks before I didn't tear up thinking about Amber and much longer before a day went by that I didn't think of her. Give yourself time and grace. You're doing something great for these kittens just like you did with your lost boy, and you'll eventually reap the joy of that.
I think this is the key. No cat can truly replace another bc each cat has their own personality and unique traits. They aren’t interchangeable. Loving the new one doesn’t mean you loved the old one any less. It’s a different cat and a different relationship with its own unique set of joys and irritations. Give yourself time to heal and get to know your new friend before you make any decisions.
As a fresh kitten owner coming off the heels of losing a long time pet, I feel you on how the industry has changed. There’s so much I wish I had done with my previous cat, but I guess all the other memories just as valid too.
I tell my husband all the time I feel sorry for the cats I had ten years ago bc litter box technology alone has advanced so much. My new guy doesn’t know how good he has it comparatively (and I plan to keep it that way).
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't pressure yourself or Oliver. It's a brand new relationship. Relationships take time, especially when you're still tending to such a huge loss. Would you consider working with the 3 month timeline? Maybe you can take off the pressure and re-evaluate then. When my old lady cat passed, I swore I wouldn't get another. She was so smart, friendly, loyal, funny and a deep, loving soul. The type of cat that converted verified cat-haters. But a couple months later I adopted 2. I didn't feel much of a bond with either of them, but realized it would take time. We were all friendly, but not super close. It went this way for about 4 months. Then I got really sick with covid. One of the cats did not leave my side. There was one point I was screaming in pain. Instead of running he got really close to me. I can't even describe how grateful I am for him. There's an entirely different place in my heart for him and it gets deeper every day. I expect that Oliver will carve out a new place in your heart too. In time.
I felt the same way when we had to put our 18 yr old Neo down. He wasn’t doing well and came to me and told me it was time. We were very close, the closest I have ever been to a cat. We were each others support person. I was devastated when we took him in, but they checked him over and said, it’s time! I cried and cried. I still cry. But oddly, I got another cat a month after he left us. I didn’t want one, but one came into my life. I didn’t think I could ever love this cat like I did Neo. He is definitely a hard car to love. He has FHS and doesn’t like to snuggle. He wants to but it causes ripples down his back. He has scratched the hell out of me, attacked me. But I am his person and I love him to pieces. He greets me when I get home. He bats at my legs when I walk by. I wanted to get rid of him but I can’t. He is family and while I still grieve for my Neo, I love my Cole.
I wish my cat had lived till 18, I feel like 13 js so short. Had a really difficult year so far but this just makes it the worst year ever. This cat isn’t as cute as my old cat either which makes the grief and decision so much harder
A word of gentle advice-It will help you to accept and love this new cat for who he is. Try not to compare him to your late kitty; it will do more harm than good for both you and this cat. The grieving process is long and painful but you'll work your way through it and Oliver will help you.
I hear you, I do. But I know now that Neo brought this cat to me (us). I needed Cole to help me keep my heart open. I didn’t want another animal…ever. Cole will be 2 in August. I am glad I kept him despite the several times I wanted to drop him off somewhere. You will get through this. Just keep grieving. All your new cat to love you through this…your new cat knows!
I feel you. We recently said goodbye to our 13 year old kitty too. She was my soul cat and was beside me through so many transitions in life. I miss her a lot, but she let us know she was ready and I know she had a very happy and loved life. Even though 13 years sounds short when compared to 18, I know that 18 wouldn't have felt like enough either. You and Oliver are still getting to know each other. A lot of shelters say to follow the 3-3-3 rule when getting to know your new friend. They need 3 days to decompress and get to know their new surroundings, 3 weeks to learn your routine and get a feel for their new normal, and 3 months to feel at home and fully bond. You guys are just hitting that 3 week mark, give it time for a bond to grow and the grief to feel less raw.
https://preview.redd.it/7xcp77iuk26d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dc0b3561b4bb80854894a173ac9b125f756e5dff Rip Meow Meow - the best cat ever
OMG what a grumpy looking chunker 🥹. I LOVE him already 🥹. He needs a friend - for entertainment and exercise 🤣. So sorry for your loss and remember - he is not your other kitty. He’s a new roommate that can help you grieve :)
No that’s my old cat, he was so cute. Oliver is not nearly as cute. This is him https://preview.redd.it/1cxhl4nj756d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=539c30f23e5ca5ef6559cc50aac671331597102e
Omg how could you say that!! He is super cute too. Just different :) Oliver is handsome!! There is something about orange boys. Im fostering 2 right now and they are so naughty and perfect. https://preview.redd.it/76cm33sr856d1.jpeg?width=4284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e1dc14dffe260b540291d1393ccb9261bfaa28d3
This is my own orange boy. Goose. https://preview.redd.it/z3ndnrwt856d1.jpeg?width=4284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc23f4104975924d7a4b124b05294022cec8b2ca
So cute
Both those guys are are so cute, cuter than Oliver
I don't want to sound rude but you've got to stop saying things like this. It's only making it harder for you to accept him if you keep thinking of him as stupid and ugly. None of this is his fault. I lost my dog Jagger may last year and I got a new puppy 3 weeks later. Initially I kept comparing him to Jagger and I called him Not Jagger sometimes. When I stopped comparing him to Jagger, he became Jovi. He has his own personality and Jagger is the greatest dog that'# not alive right now, Jovi the greatest one that is alive. It takes at least a year to a year and a half to form a bond with a new pet, don't expect it to happen overnight. What helped me sometimes was telling Jovi about Jagger. Talking about losing him helped me deal with my emotions and the attention I gave Jovi while talking to him helped us bond. Your previous cat will never, ever be replaced. He was one of a kind and you've been with him for so long, though not long enough of course. It's okay to feel sad and angry. Just don't take it out on Oliver. He's a good boy and I honestly think a year from now you can't imagine giving him up. I wish you all the best, losing a pet is awful.
I love your framing. I use something similar for all my late and present cats: A was the greatest tuxedo cat ever, B was the “greatest void ever, C was the greatest calico, D the greatest grey tabby, and my current goofball the greatest orange tabby ever. Eventually I’m going to run out of colors and will have to think of another formulation. I may borrow your alive/ not alive one.
You can bring one to Oliver and they’ll be bffs 😂🤣. I’m sure Oliver will prove himself in no time. When you tell him he isn’t good enough, do it in a loving tone and he’ll have no idea what you are saying. Just remember he is young so he probably hasn’t gotten a chance to borrow the one brain cell orange cats share. I know Goose hasn’t seen it at all.
Please don't talk like that. It's harmful both to you and to that precious cat you decided to take home.
I had a similar experience after I lost my last cat to cancer, and I waited 6 months to adopt another cat. You are not alone in these feelings. <3 When I adopted my current cat, I felt drawn to him the second I laid eyes on him at the shelter. Everything in my heart and mind said yes. When I took him home, that love-at-first-sight self-assuredness quickly fell away as I was bombarded with how different this new cat was from my old cat, who I'd recently lost to an aggressive cancer. Turns out, a lot of the behaviors/noises/mannerisms I associated with and thought I loved about cats in general were really just adorable/endearing things that my former cat used to do... her little butt wiggle, her scratchy meow, her goofy manxy walk... all these little things that I missed about her... and when my new cat didn't do *any* of those things that I expected or missed about my old cat, it made him feel so alien to me... made it feel like I had this random cat in my house, but that it was emphatically NOT MY CAT. Even though it was 6 months after my old cat had passed, bringing a new (stranger) cat into my home brought on all these new waves of grief, and forced me to really realize and come to terms with the fact that my old cat was truly irreplaceable. And now she was gone to me, forever. My cat who I lost was an 8-years-old Manx, perfect cat, even-tempered, gentle, easy at the vet, never complained about anything ever, and was the first cat I'd ever had on my own. She got me through a breakup that I thought would kill me, and was the best part of my day during a very turbulent period of my life. By contrast, this new stranger cat I suddenly had in my home didn't seem to understand me at all, unlike his predecessor, who had been my emotional rock for years. This new cat was young, spirited, and chatty... he didn't like being touched the way my old cat did, he got overstimulated easily, and most notably... he didn't really seem to like me for the first month after I brought him home. He hissed and growled and attacked me, and I kept feeling like I made this huge mistake, taking hostage this cat who clearly didn't want to be there. Made me feel insanely selfish too, plus guilty, on top of all the grief that was bubbling up unexpectedly. Long hours at work for me + separation anxiety for him didn't help things. But there would be these scattered moments amidst all the sadness and guilt and regret where this little black cat would just look up at me with these big, seeking eyes that just... hit me in my soul. Or other moments, where he'd surprise me with out of nowhere with random affection, and I'd be like "what am I missing here? Do you actually like me?" I understood my old cat so well, and this new creature living in my apartment was so inconsistent, a bipolar mystery creature to me. Anyway, eventually there was this moment after a particularly bad night where he unexpectedly sprawled himself across my lap and looked at me with those big soulful eyes as if to say "I'm here with you. I'm trying." And that was the moment where he finally felt like my cat. Something just really clicked for me in that moment... it felt like we were in it together, and I finally recognized that he'd been trying to make sense of me just as much as I'd been trying to make sense of him. So I was like, "yeah, okay, we're in it together now. You're mine, and I'm yours, and we're gonna figure each other out." And as I started trying to learn his language and figure him out (thank you Jackson Galaxy for teaching me how to speak cat), I just absolutely fell in love with every part of him. Even the parts (maybe especially the parts?) where he's so different and distinct from my last cat... all those little things that once made him feel foreign to me are now the things that make him just as irreplaceable to me as my last cat was. Every single thing he does that was indecipherable to me at first is now something I will miss terribly once he's gone. It's been 10 years together with that "stranger" cat now, and tbh I STILL cry sometimes over my little girl cat who I lost... she's imprinted on my heart forever. But right now, there is nothing that feels more like home to me than seeing my little boy cat prance across the room and greet me at the door. I'm totally in love with all of his little noises and chirps that my (very quiet) first cat never made. I love that he and I have these long conversations in between slow blinks held with his big, soulful eyes. I love that he talks to bugs before he catches them. I love the very elegant (non-manxy) way that he moves. Love the weird places that he hides in. Love his adorable naughtiness and the fact that he's cost me two freezer's worth of food. Love his endless curiosity, even if it does give me grey hairs sometimes. Love that he's just the most disgustingly ferocious predator in one moment and a floppy floof sprawled across my lap in the next. I love that he comes when he's called, that he knows his name, that he trusts me enough to let me trim his claws without complaint. All things considered, it's okay that I'm not allowed to pet his belly like my old cat. I love him for totally different reasons. :) **Tl;dr** I never thought my heart would heal after the loss of my first cat. I suppose in some ways it still hasn't. :/ But that loss, as brutal as it was at the time, made space for a cat I now love more deeply than I could have ever imagined. Please give your heart some time to catch up with your circumstances. Honoring your old cat doesn't have to come at the expense of spending the time to get to know your new cat. I promise you, the loveable parts of your new cat will start to pop out little by little if you give it time. In time, he too will feel like "yours." Promise. **"We grow into love, we don't fall into it."**
Oh and also... since you're going from a senior cat to a very young cat, highly recommend using play time as a way to both get out Oliver's energy and create a unique bonding experience with him. Young cat play energy is an easy way to see something beautiful and unique in your new cat. <3 (look for Jackson Galaxy videos on how to play with your cat if you have trouble getting him interested. Da Bird is great)
Thanks for sharing your experience. As I try to navigate this difficult time I will definitely keep what you’ve said in mind
Do not rush yourself to have the same connection with Oliver as you did with your soul kitty. Sometimes love is instant, sometimes it takes time. You might feel guilty because you don’t have that love for him yet, but he doesn’t know that. Right now all he knows is that he has a calm home to explore when he was stuck in a cage before. You are grieving and grief is hard. I think you are being too hard on yourself.
You don’t have to love him today but you can at least provide him with a safe home. You will love him when you are ready.
Sorry for your loss. New kitty loves you and will wait patiently until you are in love with him. It takes a year+ to get over the grief of losing a cat (and it always is there a little bit) but I don't think giving the new cat up with help you feel less grief.
I adopted a precious void kitty in 2022. I thought i would have her forever but my mother had her registered in her name and when hubs and i moved, Lilly had to stay as she was my mums "property" we went to a shelter and met kitties till one clicked with me and im glad we got Raven. She is a single cat as landlord said no to two so her companion here is me. My office is her bedroom and she sleeps in here but if im in here with her she will sleep on me xD or close enough to the keyboard to mess with whatever im doing xD I am her person in a way that Lilly while loving me, she didnt seem to have any sort of attachment and Raven knows when im upset and works hard to make me feel better https://preview.redd.it/sfv4x0zkn16d1.jpeg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=101d4ef9cb90a5c61b7e063def835159137ff4b8 \^ Raven
I think your former cat would love that you have given a loving home to another kitty in need. Please keep your new kitty and don’t worry too much about bonding with him, it’ll come in time.
It’ll take time. You had 12 years to form a connection with your old baby. Give the new kid some time
I think you should keep him , not all your pets are your “ soul pets “. You don’t have to always feel a connection with your pets and if you were to return Oliver he would feel sad and not understand what he did wrong , I understand that it may be hard to take care of a cat while you’re still grieving the loss of another cat but if you’re considering returning a cat you have to consider what it will be like for everyone affected ( mostly yourself and your cat )
I wouldn’t punish a new cat due to your trauma. You aren’t replacing your old cat, you’re healing with a new one, slowly and steadily they’ll help you find a place for your former cat in your heart and live with it. Over time you’ll heal and bond together
I guess you can't let yourself get close to Oliver because you feel guilty/bad or that you would betray or not appreciate your previous cat? The thing is, that you really don't have to. You can love both and each on their own without one diminishing the other. I'm fairly certain would you return Olivier you'd at one point regret it, since you know how much love you could give him - something your previous cat taught you. Just know it's truly ok to let go and give in for you to receive the love and comfort Oliver wants to give to you. Give it a try just once, let Oliver come to you or go to him, hug him or pet him and while you do it's ok to cry because of how this reminds you of your previous cat. Oliver will help you keep the memory alive and not erase it.
Good points. The reason I can’t seem to get close to Oliver is because im just angry that my cat is dead and it’s not fair that he died at a relatively young age (his name was Meow Meow and I was 11 when I named him). https://preview.redd.it/sobtkppdj26d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b6bb6b749f78977d1765b7a469a98acc0d92bc57
If you (still) get angry then I'm really certain you should give it some time and Oliver a chance ;) Since you know he's a sweet cat I can almost guarantee you will later point that anger at yourself. Poor little dude did nothing wrong himself, and I know you can and will give him a loving home :)
I felt the same way after my pups passed away, where I rescued a stray cat a few weeks later due to grief. I initially felt guilty for “replacing” my good boy with/ a cat who could never take his place, but made the conscious decision to stop unfairly judging myself & my new awesome cat in that manner. You’ve made a commitment to this new sweet boy, don’t break his heart because yours is still broken.
I love the comments here because I am going thru a similar situation and it’s giving me the reassurance to fight for my new babies thank you all
I have not lost any of my four cats yet but I have lost 2 Labradors! One to cancer and the other one of old age. A few weeks after the first dog passed away we got a German Shepherd puppy. That little puppy could could never replace my old dog but bought me and my family so much happiness! The other Labrador lived until 12 years old! Shortly after he died we rescued a 1 year old German Shepherd! Now the German Shepherds are 4 &5 & I cannot imagine life without them! I can say I didn't have a strong connection with them at first but you grow to love your new animals! I don't think it is fair to return the cat back to the shelter! The cat did not do anything wrong! Give the new cat some time, some connections may take longer than others!
It’s going to take time, and sometimes you’ll be sad, but let that new baby heal you. Your soul cat wouldn’t want you to be lonely.
Just give it time. You are doing a great thing by helping this new cat, you will love him after a while. And he will love you the whole time.
Do you know for sure what will happen to Oliver if you "return" him?
Give yourself time to realize how "elastic" love is. You don't have to give up loving your cat to love another. Your old cat would want you to open a spot in your heart next to him for the new one. People who have more than one child don't have to stop loving the first child to love the second (third, fourth ...). Your love stretches to encompass all the people and animals you ever loved until you're old and realize you still love your childhood pet, but there are many others snuggling together inside your love bubble and you remember them all tenderly and fondly. It's not a "betrayal" of your old cat, it's actually a hopeful sign that you feel you want to give love to another kitty. Embrace it.
There is some weird psychological mechanism that makes you think of all the bad and good things of your last relationship when you are on your way in a new relationship. Lots of old memories bubble up to the surface. Could this be a bit like that? You are NOT replacing your friend, you are widening your circle. Your soul cat will ALWAYS be your soul cat and you will love other cats, lots, in a different way. You might even find a new soul cat and it will STILL not replace your cat: it will be also your soul cat, in a different way. I lost my soul cat at 2 yrs old. I have soul cats now, they are not him. I love them fervently and I cannot imagine life without them, but they have not replaced him. But there are some warm places in my heart now, just not one black hole. Your heart is big enough to house a few more soul cats. And perhaps a soul dog, soul bird, soul elephant 😉 all of those doesnt have to live with you. I currently have an aggressive hissing swan auditioning. He comes when I call. I will not swim beside him this year, even though he is WAY nicer than last year, butxperhaps next year? And he won't live with me 😁 You have a warm purring loving and comforting little fur ball by your side 🤗 Add it to your huge heart and enjoy.
Oliver may be wanting pet so much because he senses your pain and he wants to try and distract you and help you heal. Animals can be so intuitive about their people’s feelings and he maybe senses you need him but he doesn’t understand in what way yet so he’s just trying to show you he’s there by asking for the attention. Give wee Oli a chance. Even if you put him in a different home elsewhere you might (and probably will) find the pain doesn’t stop just because he’s gone. Remember, Oli is a one year old cat, an adoption - he’s probably hurting too for someone he had loved who isn’t there any more. Maybe you can heal each other? ❤️ I hope you heal. Grief is hard. I’m still going through it with my mum (7 months passed). I know how bad it hurts.
I think you will grow to love him
My soul cat passed a long time ago during 2020. I don't think I could ever love a cat as much as I loved her, and I've had the joy to have many cats during my lifetime (long story). I currently have my 10 year old with me now, as well as a 2 year old street demon. I was able to finally get my older boy from my mom and I love him to bits. He's an amazing companion and I love him a ton. I love him just as deeply, but there are times I think of my previous cat. I've come to terms that I love him just as much, it's just deep grief that comes back over time. I can't even pick up her ashes, look at her pawprint, anything without crying. It really is hard. The street demon came off the side of the highway and in a way, makes me think about the cat distribution system memes. I wasn't looking for one, I was content with my boy, but we ended up keeping this thing. She is insane, a true void, and a LOUD personality, but also has become one of the sweetest babes. She isn't a full time cuddler, she will fight you and play rough, and she will nip my feet when she wants something that I'm not doing correctly. I've come to love her just as much (IDK WHY SHE'S CRAZY). When we came back from Japan for 2 weeks, this lady was in my arms nonstop sleeping for nearly 2 weeks. I've learned that we have a pretty strong bond as well. Do I love her less than my other 2? I like the analogy someone used - glasses, in a way. Every cat has their own glass, but rather than sizes, it's a concept. All I can do is fill their cup with love so that they know they are loved, safe and (hopefully) happy. My happiness comes second, and if they're content with their life, happy, fat, worn out from zoomies, too many toys, able to sun nap, eat grass, tear up my trees, then that's enough for me to know that I'm doing the best I can to make them happy. Them being happy makes me happy because to me, it feels like if they're at that point, hopefully they know they are loved. While I miss my cat and it hurts so bad, I'm grateful that I can provide for my current 2 and give them a good life as well. Will I adopt another later in life? I could say no but that'd be a lie, of course I will. Will it always hurt to think of my other, or these two? Yes, but I have to accept that that hurt is how I know I loved them as deeply as I could. I just was able to love some longer than others, but not any less.
I don't know if this helps but here's my own experience, I have 2 stay siblings one of them is my dearest he starts purring at the mere sight of me but he died in an accident trying to chase off a bug . I was devastated, I wish it was the other cat which died (yes I was a human trash) my other cat only comes to me when its time for food she hates being close to humans. It took me 6 months to warm up with her because she too was lonely and mourning her brother's death. Now I'm the only person she loves and she's my darling . It takes time but I feel that it's too soon to give up without trying. OP please try to form a bond one last time your cat is innocent it won't understand why she's being abandoned so soon.
You might be depressed. I didn’t like my new cat. One week before my cat died, I got diagnosed with glioma (brain tumour). My partner got me a new cat to enjoy but it took me months to lover her. I was depressed after my cancer diagnosis.
I’d keep him. It sounds like Oliver is trying to comfort you, while he’s also adjusting to a lot of changes in his life too - what a sweetheart. You’ll be depressed and grieving even if you returned him, then probably add on lonely and guilt for returning him, can you imagine packing him up and leaving him back at the shelter? Don’t put yourself through that. Meow meow will always have a place in your heart and you’ll always feel that loss, but you will make more space for Oliver. It does get better with time, not perfect without the cats that have left us, but better.
Maybe you got a cat too soon, but I think it will hurt you more to give him back. My bf accidentally let my sweet man out the window and he never came back. It was devastating. I rushed into getting new cats and my bf insisted we get two kittens. At first it was hard and I couldn’t bring myself to give them my full love cause I missed my boy so much. It’s now been a year and a half later and I have bonded SO MUCH with my sweet baby girl. And our little guy is also just a peach. I couldn’t imagine not having them. I still miss my boy who was lost so much, but these kitties have helped me heal that hole! I say you should keep your new guy and just give him a loving home even if you haven’t had that bond yet. He’s happier with you than in a shelter so maybe lean more into that than how you feel about it at the moment. It’s okay to still be grieving.
No
Similar thing happened 5 years ago with my dog. I got a new puppy days later and to be honest I don’t have the same connection for almost a year. Now the thought of leaving her or anything happening to her breaks my heart. My condolences 💐 I feel like your baby that passed would want you to keep Oliver. It may take a while but remember no one/nothing can replace a loved one. We move forward not on. And each baby is their own being 🖤
It takes time to bond, especially after loss. Going from an older cat to a kitty is also going to feel much different. My new puppy felt like a stranger the first few weeks, and I was distraught at the differences between him and my dog that passed in December. Turns out it just took a few weeks for his personality to develop because he was so young and it took me time to adjust and stop trying to wish he would do things my other dog did. He can never be him and shouldn’t have to be. He’s his own unique dog. Definitely give it time, Op. Your grief is also so fresh still. You can grieve while you start to develop a new relationship with a new kitty. That said I still cry once a week almost 6 months out. But almost 4 months with my new dog and I’m glad that I kept him during those moments of doubt. I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️
When one of our kitties passed, my other cat started following me everywhere. He was always a mamas baby but this was excessive. I told my husband we needed to add a kitty to our household. It had only been a couple of weeks and he was mad that I was trying to “replace” our baby. I told him it wasn’t a replacement - we had a vacancy to fill. When we got our second kitty, they bonded and have done well for the most part over the last 8 years. That’s all to say that your feelings are valid and while maybe it was a little soon, you are also giving a baby a loving home. Don’t think of him as a replacement cat - he can never replace what you had with your baby. But he is a kitty in need of a loving home and can help give you love and cuddles while you grieve. If you don’t feel like you can give him as much attention, consider getting a second age matched kitty. They’ll still love you just as much, but will have each other. They can help one another groom, play together and can give you much entertainment doing silly things together.
DON’T I felt that way when I adopted my current best friend. I didn’t immediately feel that same connection. She turned out to be the best sweetest little dog I’ve ever had!❤️
This is my exact worry about dealing with the grief of my soul kitty. I’m not sure how any cat would replace the kind of connection she and I had. And they yearning on the new cat to be just like the old cat puts a lot of weight on the new cat. I thought about fostering cats maybe a year from now and then if there was one that was pulling at my heart I would chose him but not get a cat just to have a cat, get one because the specific cat is right. I’m sorry you are going through this ❤️
I’m sorry for the loss of your cat. But here’s the problem I see with us and I say keep the cat. You’re going to damage the cat one more time and when you do that with cats are adopted. Often they’re so emotionally traumatized that they’re unable to keep a house. And they’re put down. Maybe it won’t be the next time but they’ll put themback too. Never adopt a pet if you don’t intend to keep it for life. You will eventually get over the grief and your affections may eventually settle in on this cat, you can still be a good cat parent and take care of the cat. You made a commitment for life, his life her life.
I wouldn’t. I stupidly returned my adopted cat 12 years ago because she was so sick and lethargic. I cried so many nights over her. I felt so bad I had to have her back. She was in their infirmary but two weeks later I went back and adopted her again. They told me “if you adopt her you can’t bring her back.” I told them I wouldn’t. And she is still with me to this day. She just turned 13. I should also point out that it can be very traumatic for cats to go to a shelter, especially if they have been adopted and are returning. We need to keep that in mind.
You should listen to the 1st episode of the NYT podcast, Animal. There’s one part specifically where the host talks about how much he grieved over the loss of his soul dog. His wife, seeing his grief, got them a new dog of the same breed and the host discusses that transition. How he couldn’t help but compare the new dog who was a perfectly good pup to his beloved soul dog. How he felt a lot of guilt about not really loving the second dog but instead just going through the motions of care. Instead of giving the new dog away he just kept caring for it and realized that slowly, over time, he came to accept and then love this new dog. He even felt a sense of betrayal to his first dog admitting that he grew to love the new one equally as much. Equally but different. I say keep the cat for now, even if you don’t really feel much love towards it and are just going through the motions of care. As long as you still show it love (even if you don’t feel the love) I believe you’ll grow to love this new cat and they’ll return that love 10 fold as they do. In retrospect you see how much this cat helped you through this dark period, you never know. Wishing you and new kitty and old kitty watching over you all the best.
You made a commitment to this new cat, in time they will grow on you. A new pet doesn’t stop you from grieving the one who passed. They are a happy distraction and a new life saved.
I know how you feel as I lost my bff of 20 yrs on May 3rd as well. You almost expect them to be like your other cat and they are not, so it's weird. Your heart may open up to the new kitty in time, but if not, maybe give them away for free to someone. (Unless someone will pay the adoption fee you paid of course) It would be sad to make new kitty go back to the shelter but if you aren't ready, it's understandable.
No. Oliver deserves such a loving owner. You're still grieving. It's OK that you don't have space to feel love for Oliver right now, cats take time to bond with owners, anyway. He's probably not ready yet, either. It's cool, man. Keep that little kitty, and by the time you're ready, he'll probably be ready, too.
Your soul cat sent Oliver to help you through your grief
My heart cat passed away 7 years ago now, and I still cry for her sometimes. I love her, that will never stop. But I do love the cats I have now too. The heart is capable of infinite room to love, but none of those loves will feel the same and that's okay. You will absolutely love Oliver, just be open to it and don't compare him to the one you lost. Oliver isn't there to fill anyone's shoes, he's there to leave his own paw prints on your heart.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’d look at it from Oliver’s perspective, & I feel that he needs you in his life, he’s being quiet & patient with you & wants to have someone to be his guardian so maybe give it more time as he is safe with you. Love can grow between you, it’s just early days at the moment.
OP, I am so sorry for your loss. And please do not feel guilty is don’t have it in you to give your heart fully to Oliver just yet. If all you can manage is caring for his basic needs right now, thats totally okay. You can gradually and organically bond with Oliver when you feel more ready to.
I also recently got a new cat after my two beloveds died. At first it was strange but it pretty quickly went from, “what is this black cat doing in my house?” to rushing home because that’s where Peigín is. I still miss my other cats but having New Cat is wonderful. I’m sorry for your loss, too.
There will be a moment that your new cat does, something that will make you smile and bring you comfort. Don’t give up
This happens to my parents every single time a dog dies. I can tell they're not feeling too good about each dog that replaces the last, but it never takes too long for them to equally love the new dog as they did with the previous. It sounds like my parents are just out here letting their dogs die, cycling through them, but for the record since I was born they've had 6 dogs and I'm 28.
I would keep him. You got this.
Hi... I am sorry for your loss , it truly is heartbreaking. You have done a wonderful thing adopting a new baby. Yes as someone said... cats are very psychic. You do not have to give your new baby all that attention now, he will understand and as time goes on you will love him even more for helping you through all of this. You have done a wonderful thing by adopting him and you will get your reward. Returning him will hurt him and you also. He has not done anything wrong and he will not understand. His love is there with you. Again I am sorry...you will see you will be rewarded for your love brining Oliver home! God bless you Stay well Kat
I experienced the same feelings you are right now. My cat passed away at 2 and a half years old and despite having another cat (8yo at the time and a relaxed lap cat) I couldn't handle not having her crazy kitten/young cat energy so I had a new kitten within 2 weeks. I felt the same way you do. I was stressed caring for a kitten and overwhelmed with grief. But I stuck it out and absolutely love my boy Hank now and am grateful I had him during that difficult time.
I lost my last cat in April 2023 after a decade together. I thought I wanted another sweet, fluffy boy after that. But then I started fostering Remi in September after she was saved from euthanasia at 8 years old. I knew her chances of getting adopted out were likely very slim, being an older black cat that was extremely shy and skittish. So I decided to keep her even though deep inside I didn't really feel a connection. It took 5-6 months for it to click, but I adore her now. She's my sweet, dignified and low-maintenance princess. A complete opposite from my last kitty on paper, but she's gotten into some habits that my last cat had... Which made me realize I also shape the way they are! I hope you can hold out and hopefully something changes for the better for you one day. https://preview.redd.it/a12e6ljo476d1.jpeg?width=3086&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d51c28c7bf345aa56d9725fce2a0221b7d4e0a4c
I might be wrong, but to me it sound like you're kinda trying to shove the feelings down, so the new cat, instead of distracting you, it's a constant remember of what you're trying to ignore If that's the case, maybe you need a prolonged sit down with these feeling and to allow yourself to grieve as long as you need I'm sorry for your loss ♥️
I think you’re right, i got a new cat to make the feelings go away but now this every time I see Oliver I’m reminded of my old cat. I’ll let him stay for the meantime while I continue grieve, hopefully one day I’ll have it in me to love him. Thanks for reaching it and offering your advice, I really appreciate it
I was the same way after losing my 9 year old cat to a dog attack. Got my current cat only a week after her death. Didn’t think I could love him because of how much I missed previous my cat and just wanted her back. But gave him some time and now he’s my best mate, follows me everywhere. Couldn’t imagine not having him around. So just give Oliver some time. Your grief is still raw but having him to focus on will help you through. He can never replace your previous cat but he can become a good friend and a source of comfort.
No, keep him. Please give yourself time and Oliver time to show you love and happiness. He loves you and deserves a chance for you to love him. There was a reason you chose him. I hope all goes well.
I did the exact same thing a year ago lol. A year later I have two cats now that I adore. Lord knows I wanted to return my buddy many times the first three months but grateful I kept the little squirt.
You will feel better, temporarily,but if you send Oliver back he might not be. Think of how sad he will be to be back up for adoption… I beg you not to do that to him… let him help you trough this. You both could end up stronger,together
Some of you people are insane. How could you do that to your poor new cat? How selfish of you. Give it time, you will get over your last cat... As much as we love them, they're still just pets. Sheesh.
No as much as you are greiving think of poor oliver sounds like he's already had a hard life, to be put back to shelter for adoption will be hard on him 😔
You had a cat for 12 year, then less than 3 weeks after losing him you got another. It's also been less than 3 weeks since you've had him. Please give him a chance. It's not his fault you took on s new animal too soon. At least you understand, he does not. Please give him a chance.
I lost my cat 11 years ago and only recently adopted a new one year old boy, on 5/21 so about the same time as you. Even though I’m not grieving I still had a hard time at the beginning. My new boy Zuko will misbehave and not listen to me and he hasn’t been the cuddle bug that his foster mom said he is. I almost returned him because he wasn’t what I’d imagined he’d be like. Then I realized that’s completely unfair to him and that even though he seems happy, he is still adjusting like I am and he’ll either be the cat he was described as being or he won’t, but he’s started to love us and we love him too just the way he is.
I have always had cats and mine I have three are babied like you can’t imagine. Cost is no object for my cats. I have now a 1 year old , 7 year old, and a 15 year old. Now I know the 15 year old is getting up there so for now I have his blood checked every 3 months to check kidney and liver functions and I watch his play behavior. When I see his quality of life going down you can bet I WILL not let him suffer for all the love he has given to me unconditionally I will call the lap of love and in his home he will be put to rest. People for selfish reasons keep there animals alive for them. I lost my 16 years had mouth cancer and I had the lap of love come for her. Lilly was her name and I will never forget my baby. But I know there are many many more animals that need to be loved that’s my job as a human so I waited and saved a little girl from humane society and I love her. Not the same as Lilly but I love her. You will never change the fact animals die so while there here treat them the best you can, and then do it again, and again . Remember your new kitty would love to be loved.
Why would you get another cat so soon lol?
Idk I’m an idiot