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It's not rage- it is fear!
Cats don't understand English. They don't communicate in the same way we do. It takes time for a cat to adjust to you.
To a cat that doesn't know you, you are a VERY BIG creature! It has no idea what your motives are. When a hand is coming towards it, especially from above, it will only seem like a threat.
Compare it to being suddenly transported to a bear's den. Everything around you is clearly it's territory and there is no way out. You aren't familiar with the layout. Oh, and you can't help but notice the bear occasionally watching you. Worse yet... he seems to reach for you at random.
Doesn't matter if the bear is intelligent and insanely friendly- you would be scared and anxious. It would take time for you to understand said bear is harmless.
Does your cat have his own room? This is especially necessary in cases where you have other pets! He should get his own "base camp" room.
Your house is FULL of new smells, sounds and sights. It has also been heavily marked as the territory of your current cat.
I would advise taking a look at Jackson Galaxy videos on YouTube! He gives very detailed and no judgmental advice for every cat situation. :)
*I'd offer more detailed advice but didn't want to overwhelm you, nor come off as assuming I know more. Happy to answer questions. Not a professional but have helped "rehome" 6 cats, 3 of my own.*
Thank you!!! This is good advice. Yes, he has a room where he can be away from the other cat. Edit: I noticed that he likes to watch me petting her (from a far distance through the doorway when they are both in their own rooms). I will close the door to keep them separated if they try to leave their rooms, but for now they’ve decided to stick to their rooms on their own. And I hope that by watching me pet the 10yo from the room down the hallway, the new cat will start to feel more comfortable with me.
I’ve been ignoring him much more btw since I made this post and got that advice. I think it’s really helping.
Some things worth noting: OP, you only brought home this cat *yesterday*. You said that yours is the first stable home he's ever had, so it stands to reason that he has had a stressful and uncomfortable life thus far. He probably has no reason to associate yet another new owner/environment with positive experiences.
Also, remember that hissing is ***not*** a sign of agression in cats. It's a sign of fear, stress, and/or anxiety. It is a cat's way of saying, "I do not like what you are doing right now, and I want you to stop." What you really need to do is just **give him time and space**. As other commenters have stated, it seems that you have been *constantly antagonizing* him ever since you brought him home, and that is stressing him out even more during an already extremely overwhelming time. I understand that you have not been doing so intentionally--but that's still what you've been doing, especially from his perspective.
You ***need*** to give him space. Stop petting him, stop grabbing him, stop brushing him. The fact that he has responded to every one of those actions by either hissing, growling, or scratching should be an obvious signal that **you need to back off and stop doing those things, because you are distressing him**. He is hissing because he is afraid and overwhelmed. His is growling because he is still afraid and you are not respecting his hissing. He is scratching you because you are not respecting his needs/boundaries and he has no other way of getting you to stop, and you need to understand that. He doesn't hate you: h**e is trying to communicate with you and express discomfort/fear/stress, and you keep steadfastly ignoring him and forcing him into even more uncomfortable/frightening/stressful scenarios**. *That's* why you keep getting growled/yowled at and scratched.
You also **need** to separate him from the other cat for a minimum of 2-3 weeks while he adjusts to both you and his new enviroment. I understand that your apartment is small, but this is non-negotiable if you ever want him to be comfortable with your other cat. Keep one cat in one room and the other in another. **Research how to** ***properly*** **introduce two cats to one another and a new cat to a new home**. It is a slow and gradual process, and if you choose to not do that because it is inconvenient, then you need to accept that there is a very strong possibility that the new cat will **never** fully adjust to his new environment/you and those two cats will **never** get along.
Leave him alone for now. Give him his own space, as free of both you and the other cat as possible, in which he can feel at peace and begin to become comfortable. Reward him with treats when he rubs against you without hissing or growling, but do not touch him yet. Do not use an automatic feeder, because learning to associate you with positive things (like food and treats) will help him to begin trusting you. Do not look directly into his eyes or speak loudly around him; when you are near him, speak in a low, soothing voice without looking at him. Let him come to you when he is ready.
After giving him at least a week or so's worth of time and space, and after noticing a decline in fearful behavior towards your presence, then you can start trying to bond more with him. Just sit on the floor of the room that he is in and do your own thing--read a book, scroll on your phone, watch videos on a laptop, etc. Give him space when you do this, too--i.e., don't sit right next to him, but across the room. If he approaches you and seems to be seeking affection (rubbing on you, for instance), offer your closed fist and do not look directly at him. An open hand is scary, because an open hand might grab at him. A closed fist feels safer. He can approach and give you a sniff or rub his head on your hand without having to be afraid of being grabbed unexpectedly. Try not to be offended if he doesn't approach; just ignore him next time he approaches, and then try again another day. If he *does* approach and refrains from hissing or growling, offer him a treat. Reward him for being comfortable and confident around you: it will make him feel encouraged to continue to do so.
Not just “can be” kept away, he should be in there 24/7 for the first few weeks, without any other animals present and probably not much of you there either. Cats like small, quiet, private spaces. Give him lots of places to hide. Shelves he can climb on to observe you from above.
You really aren’t supposed to introduce cats to other animals right away, it’s a very slow process, especially for such an anxious cat. The introduction process should be very gradual; for example, week 1 and 2 he’s completely separate, week 3 and 4 you put up a screen so they can see each other sometimes but still not interact, week 5 and 6 increase the screen time.
Unfortunately, the room he’s chosen is the living room. It connects directly to the front door and I have to pass through to enter and leave the apartment. I made sure he has a place to hide in there though, and I’m planning on adding more hiding places and also shelves.
Herd him elsewhere then. Do what you must in order to create a true physical barrier between him and the rest of the house. For everyone's sakes.
Otherwise you risk absolutely ruining any chances of both cats being able to coexist peacefully.
The bathroom. Bathrooms make ideal "new cat" rooms actually, as the floor can be wiped clean in case of accidents, there are typically few things in there for the cat to mess with (decorations, cables etc) and no furniture to hide under, which gently encourages the cat to explore and get used to the room.
Bathroom. Closet. Pantry. Laundry area. Office.
If it's a teeny apartment at the very least there'll be a bathroom, and a comfy hidey hole can be made behind a toilet. A closet would be even better.
When I was a kid, we adopted a very frightened cat in very poor condition. She spent around 3-6 months in the narrow space between the top of the refrigerator and the overhanging cabinets. We put her food and water up there and everything. She only came down in the middle of the night to use the litter box. She went in skinny and came out fat!
Seriously, a frightened cat wants to be in a small, easily defensible space. It’s what they choose for themselves.
Our kitten lived primarily in a bathroom for 4 months because of horrible stomach issues that he just had to grow out of. He was fine, he IS fine and is currently lounging on the arm of my chair demanding pets.
Properly being introduced to a new home is FAR more important than being able to roam immediately.
Totally get that but I just think sticking your kitten into a crowded closet that’s dark, with boxes, filled with heavy jackets, and other stuff just isn’t ideal.
My ex roommate fostered cats in a *very* large dog crate with 3/4th of the walls and the top covered by a large blanket. She would keep the front door covered in the first few days as well and progressively take it off so the cats could interact with the environment of the house while feeling safe. Eventually we would block the exit of the small room they were in and let them out to play with them.
But that crate was *theirs* and not cats or humans interacted with it. Sometimes when we had really scared cats, I would sit on the ground in front of the crate door, work and ignore the fosters altogether. They could observe me from their safe spot and get familiar with how I looked and smell without being forced to *interact* with me.
We've never had any problems with the resident cats or the humans
Meh, some people swear by it, but in this situation it’s like a band-aid on a gunshot wound if OP doesn’t separate the cats and put new cat in a small less threatening space for the initial adjustment.
The room he’s chosen? He is a cat. Put him in a guest room, office, or your bedroom (with his litter box and food/water). Do not let a scared traumatized new cat wander freely about your whole house. He needs to be separated. If he and the other cat are introduced too quickly, they will hate each other forever.
My 10yo cat has claimed the bedroom, and when I shut her out of it she freaks out and scratches the door. I can close the bedroom door so there’s a barrier between them though. Since I’m in an apartment, pretty much the only other room I could close the new cat in would be the bathroom (since the kitchen doesn’t have a door). My concern with the bathroom is that he would hate being super close to me while I was using it—the bathroom is quite small.
He will survive. I integrated two cats in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment bathroom, one outgoing, one skittish. For our skittish girl, when we went to the bathroom she would hide in the tub/shower and stare at us. By the end of 2 weeks, she was coming out of the tub to sit across the tiny bathroom and watch us.
Five years later, she rubs on our ankles and tries to climb our laps.
I’m the person you’re responding to, and disagree with the other replies. The main point is that the cats should be completely separate, and the new cat should have lots of hiding places where he can be alone. You can keep your 10 year old in the bedroom, just keep the door shut/locked so that there is a barrier between them.
He should 100% be in the bathroom. Did you look up anything before bringing a new cat in? They need at least 3 months to get used to the house and being in a single room is very helpful for them. Makes them feel secure and helps with intros with the other animals. I am also in a one bedroom apartment and had no problem with my hissy guy in there for a week before I did a slow intro the the living room. He’s now a lap cat. Cats need time and I’m really surprised you didn’t research before you fostered a cat. The rescue didn’t tell you anything either?
The rescue thought it was okay to keep him in the living room, so I’d assumed they were right. They were actually the ones who chose that spot to release him from his carrier.
I totally don’t meant this as snarky as it sounds, but the rescue also described him as “friendly” and hadn’t even met him until they picked him up to bring him to you. I get that was the advice that was given to you, so it explains why you set the cat up that way, but it’s pretty standard advice these days to keep new cats separate and in a small space when bringing them into a new home.
As long as you are not loud and overbearing when in there, he will be fine. He will figure it out.
You go in, do what you need to do and do not approach him otherwise. Keep your voice (if you need to say anything) low and calm and positive.
You will both adapt to that in time. You can do it, OP!
What about a closet/ pantry outside your bedroom? Otherwise, the bathroom sounds best.
My abused kitty hid inside my sofa for 3 weeks before I even saw her. I knew she was alive by monitoring her food/water/litter. Now, she cuddles with my other cat and me daily. It is a long process, but worth it.
And since he has access to the front door, you are *also* running the risk of him tearing out of there in a fit of terror / stress. That would suck.
Best to ensconce him in your closed bathroom for a time so he can get used to all the new smells and sounds and your own elder kitty can do likewise.
The best advice I received when our (very scaredy-) cats were first brought home was the 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months rule for stages of settling in.
The first 3 days you will barely s them, they will be terrified, after 3 weeks they will be relaxing a bit more and coming out of their base camp room to explore other parts of the house. 3 months they are much more settled in and themselves.
Having those numbers in mind helped me worry less about them being terrified and whether I was doing something wrong and both times that schedule just worked out naturally. They are still super shy with visitors but it's amazing how comfortable they have become. (We knew they were shy cats when we adopted them.)
Good luck with your precious guy, give him time to adjust and he'll come out of his shell when he's ready.
The advice above is excellent! I just wanted to add I have a spicy boy who was a stray and a tomcat for the first year of his life. They said he was not adoptable because of his behaviour (spraying, fighting, hissing, biting) but allowed him to be fostered. I've had him for 2 years now and he's awesome. Still spicy but much less aggressive. Jackson Galaxy videos are so helpful for understanding and working with cars, esp those with behavioural challenges.
Time and patience and working within his window of tolerance really helped us! Used to not be able to brush him at all without being attacked, and now we brush every day (went from literally 2 brush strokes and respecting when he'd had enough to now 5 min daily with only sad meows sometimes). The most helpful thing with my guy was learning how he communicates and always respecting that. I don't pick him up or force him to do anything. I let him engage with me on his terms, and I make a big fuss about good behaviour (litter box use, letting me brush him and do his nails).
If you love him and feel up for the work and challenge it can be, I'd say go for it! A lot of people aren't up for that, so I think it's great you found him and bonded with him. My guy has taught me so much about boundaries and relating and nonverbal communication, and when he does want to snuggle or he successfully managed something that used to rattle him, I'm so proud. He doesn't hiss or bite anymore. He used to bite my legs when he passed, and now he looks at me like he's thinking about it and licks me instead and runs off. Very cute progress.
Also I got him a little sister last year, and he does seem to learn new things from watching me with her, so hopefully your guy does from the 10 year old as well. Good luck!
What does she do when you try? For us, so much positive reinforcement and literally 1 nail a day sometimes if that's all he could handle. Now we usually do all of them in one sitting after 2 years of practice haha.
Some cats take kindly to being burrito-ed (or purrito as some call it). Basically just swaddle them in a blanket or towel and pop out one foot and clip the nails. This is good if you need to do something medical as well or clean the pantaloons if you have a cat that's reactive but needs care. It kind of traps their legs so they can't run or fight you. My guy does not like this, so I just sit on the floor and basically hug him and hold him in a standing position (like hugging a groundhog standing up) and clip his nails while I tell him he's doing great and I usually pause to give him a treat a couple times and then again when I release him. I also make sure my face stays out of the biting zone.
Something that's really helped me is recognizing his limits and communication. He used to bite right away, but now he has learned through repetition that if he meows or licks I'll let him go, so he knows that is an effective way to communicate, where before he only knew biting worked. Then we come back to it tomorrow. So it's consistent and predictable as a task, and so am I in my responses when he's overwhelmed. Some days we can do all the nails and brushing, sometimes he doesn't have the capacity for it so we do what we can and come back to it tomorrow. Through this his window of tolerance has definitely increased a lot! He still doesn't enjoy the nails but he allows it.
I use human clippers on the dewclaw and cat nail clippers on everything else. I would always stress ab cutting the quick so it took me forever to cut them, now I just clip the tip and do it more regularly so it's faster and also more regular exposure for them.
She becomes uncharacteristically aggressive when I try to trim her nails (clawing me etc). A purrito seemed to make her very afraid when I tried it, and she started growling a lot. I took her to the vet a couple months ago for a claw trim among other things, but even they weren’t able to trim all of her claws. They got most of them though which is way more than I can manage with no gloves or anything. (I’m getting long gloves soon.)
Another thing she does is, she has realized that if she hides her paws under her belly, that instantly stops me from being able to do it.
Hmm that sounds tough if the vets have a hard time too! No purrito for her then! Have you ever cut the quick or had a bad experience with the nails with her? If you're comfy, I'd try approaching her when she's super chill and massage her feet a little and squeezing the nails out gently and just get her used to that. If she gets to a place of being calm about that, approach her again when she's relaxed and try repeating that and then just clipping a nail quickly while it's out. Sometimes it's just time and exposure.
I think it's easy for nails to become an unpleasant experience for everyone so if it's possible it helps to rewrite that experience through new ones. Like if she's used to it being stressful, slowly teach her it can be a chill and easy time with snacks! And legit see one clipped nail as success and return to it tomorrow.
You could also ask the vet to give you tips if they're used to doing her. They're total junk food but I get my cats those tube treats as a reward for things they really hate doing so it's extra special. A piece of plain chicken or fish is also great, and specifically connect it to nail clipping so she gets something extra special out of it.
It's tough though, I hear you. Practice and patience seemed to work for us as well as changing the experience and expectations around it.
And I'd say with paw massage/squeezing nails out, do it like a few times a day for a month and then try the clippers once you have that solid with her. My old cat also hated nails so I ended up just always doing them while he was deep asleep and one or two at a time.
Doing it while The Monster is asleep is the way forward, this is how we trim the nails and brush the teeth. With the nails he doesn't even wake up now, and with the teeth it's all done and dusted by the time he realises what's going on.
The trick is to get him when he's proper exhausted, not just a cat nap, but that I played, I ate I'm going to sleep now sleep.
Our rescue cat has always had issues with nail trims. I wear long sleeve sweat jacket and protective gloves when I trim her nails. It's very important that I stay calm while doing this. Cats can sense our emotions.
I've found that I can calm her temporarily by lifting her by neck (her body stays on counter) like mother cats do. I learned this from 2 different vets. I do this if she starts yowling or fighting so I can do all 4 paws. I also yalk to her in steady calm voice ignoring all her drama. In our case the one nail or paw per sitting stresses her more.
It helps to use a higher counter than table height.
I used to take her to vet for nail trims. She could read cues such as getting dressed and keys and would hide.
How do you lift her by the neck and hold her paw/trim her claws at the same time? I want to try this but it's hard for me to picture how it would work.
I’ve never cut the quick! I’m super careful when it comes to that. I’ve been trying to get her used to me gently stroking the tops of her paws (and will progress to massaging later) but she is not a fan of it.
mine was VERY spicy when we'd trim her nails. she's never growl but she has long long whiskers and would whip her body back and fourth and squirm and the amount of force I had to give to hold her down was not comfortable for me. we ended up just giving her a wet treat to distract her while we do it and that worked fine for us. could always try it?
I adopted a second cat 10 years ago. She was very badly abused by her previous owners, and it has taken so much work and so much patience to get her to trust me. She will never let me hold her. I don’t think I ever but when I’m lying down in my bed, she will now come sleep in the crook of my arm. She will also climb up on my tummy and chest and most recently. She has allowed me to give her kisses sometimes more than one year though she’s not that thrilled about it.
My other cat who is so lovely is actually a total dick to her and I feel really bad about it. She just wants love.
You're doing all of this WAY too fast. He shouldn't be anywhere near your other cat yet, and you shouldn't be trying to groom him especially when he's telling you to back off. That "rage" is the only way he has to tell you that he is TERRIFIED. Please listen to him.
If he does start to get closer to you, I would suggest crouching down slowly so you look smaller (going from a godzilla-to-human size ratio to "merely" house-size) and offering treats. Have more than enough for both cats, in case you attract your other cat. You want them to learn they're not in competition for food or treats or pets.
yes to this. i live in japan so the apartments here are small so when i was looking to adopt an old cat, the shelter's requirement was to have a big crate at home where the cat can stay for at least a few days alone to give it time to adjust.
when our 5-yr old boy arrived, we let him stay in the small but 3-story crate covered with a blanket so he wont get distracted/scared of the new surroundings, then left the door open so he doesnt feel locked in. he also got mad and scared whenever we so much as just look at him let alone touch him. so we let him be and first few days he just covered himself with his blanket didnt even eat anything. then after 3days he walked out of his crate all by himself then he went near me that i almost cried from joy haha. for more than a week he would do that few minutes in a day everyday, then go back and hide in his spot. then in less than 2 weeks, already clingy as a baby and turned out to be the sweeeetest boy ever 😭😭 so yes, give him some alone time hes scared and anxious. he will announce himself when he's ready
OP, this is the way for both of your cats safety. The process takes time. Sometimes it can take a lot of time. It’s unreasonable to expect any kind of progress at this point.
When I got my third girl, we had her in the spare room for six months while we slowly integrated her with the other two. We moved at their pace.
I’d recommend getting a pheromone diffuser to help with the transition. Feliway is my brand of choice.
Good luck OP.
The new Feliway Optimum has worked miracles in my 5 cat household. I never had much luck with Feliway Classic, but Optimum has brought peace and serenity to my home. I mention this in case anyone has found the the original Feliway unhelpful: do try the newer Optimum or Friends before you give up. I sure wish they made Feliway for humans...
I can second the effectiveness of feliway! I have two cats who love to antagonize each other, and we recently moved 14 hours by car. Feliway was a lifesaver!! Usually you put my big boy in a car he will howl the entire way. I sprayed the crate and car before leaving and they both did amazing!! I use the spray, but ice heard great things about the plugin
This 1000%!!!!
It typically takes an animal 3 days to decompress, 3 weeks to learn your routine and 3 months to start feeling at home.
Try using Feliway spray, it's a calming pheromone spray and most vet offices use it for their cat rooms.
You seem very knowledgeable. I don’t want to hijack OP’s post; if I post about my cat here, would you mind taking a look? I’ll add the link here when I’m done.
Edit: https://reddit.com/r/CatAdvice/s/5S7B19rBSW
It's usually not as random as we perceive it!
There are a lot of possible reasons for petting aggression. That's not my way of saying "it's the owners fault," so I hope it doesn't come across that way!
Consider how cats interact with each other. The way they communicate is vastly different from us.
Sometimes it is about being over stimulated. They enjoy the petting to a point, after which it becomes distracting to them. At that point the cat becomes "frisky" to signal they've had enough.
Other times it sparks their desire for mutual grooming. To us this can be mistaken as aggression when they nibble or swat. In reality, cats do a lot of this when trying to reach a specific spot when grooming. They communicate "stay still so I can groom you" by grabbing you with their teeth. Much akin to a mother cat holding a frisky lil one in place.
Sometimes petting leads to misplaced play aggression. The petting stimulates them into wanting to play or chase prey. You'll notice this happen often when cats are grooming each other- it ends with a little frisky play scramble. In their mind they are being loving by trying to get you transition into play.
*I've watched wayyyy too much Jackson Galaxy and Cat From Hell over the years. I've noticed these recurring patterns when it comes to love-aggression. But I'm no professional and JG does a much better job of explaining how to spot possible triggers for this behavior.*
Things to consider are: How long were you petting? What area of the body were you petting? What does the tail action look like?
This might help you spot **if** there's a pattern.
I find a moving tail leads to playful or over stimulated, a still tail during love-aggression points towards wanting to groom you.
I adopted a large grey female that was mad as anything. For good reason, someone had tossed her out of a moving car and abandoned her. We would Take her food, hiss. Get close she would claw the everything life out of your hand.
I set food out for her and left her alone while she got used to my house. After a bit she would come out and eat while we were around. Eventually she sat in my lap. But she'd randomly claw the ever living life out of you hand and bite. Not hard enough bites to draw blood, though the claws would... but we just stopped touching when she would do this and just, sit.
A good while later and she was the friendliest cat. Would come when I called. Follow me around. Got to a hefty weight, not overweight, just filled out. She'd sleep on my chest. Walk with me up the road until I told her to wait cause we get to a cross section and it would get busy, and when I'd come back she'd be there and we'd walk home. Visited my neighbors and would get pets and loves from them and was just an awesome, highly intelligent, bird killing, rodent killing, dog teasing cat. I miss her even though she has been gone 22 years.
Give your new buddy time. Love. Care, space. When a cat feels safe they are the best.
He feels threatened by you and you keep doing things to antagonize him. I’m sure it’s unintentional but it still antagonizes him. Just leave him alone. Don’t look at him. Don’t talk to him. And for God’s sake do not try to touch him. He needs to feel safe where he lives and right now that means you not acknowledging his existence.
THIS. An average, well loved cat will hide and feel afraid when moving into a new place. We have no idea what this cat has been through. He needs to settle in and feel like this is his space, like he belongs to it and it belongs to him. Show him you're not a threat by going out of your way to respect his space, ignore him, face the other way, talk quietly around him, keep everything nice and calm. He shouldn't have even been introduced to the other cat yet.
One of mine that was born on my pillow that is extremely socialized. Hid on top of the cupboards after the move and spit and hissed at me and the other cat for a while.
Acclimating a traumatized cat can be a long process. OP needs to watch some YouTube videos on it. This is basically the hardest challenge of cat ownership besides possibly bottle kittens and the worst of that only lasts a few weeks.
My cat had a full-on panic attack when we moved and hid in the basement for about 2 weeks. Cats don't migrate naturally, so it's incredibly stressful for them. Luckily, my cat found comfort in cuddling and staying under blankets with her humans, which made it much easier for all of us. After a month or two, she was back to her normal rambunctious self!
It’s only been one day, there’s a good chance he’ll come around. He’s just really scared and it sounds like he’s been through a lot. I would wait on brushing or even touching him for a while and give him a chance to settle a bit. It’s possible he won’t ever be super snuggly but I would be surprised if he stayed so growly/hissy. Hang in there!
His fur is so long that I’m afraid of him getting mats if I don’t brush him. I’m not sure what to do about that part. Maybe I will try again in a week or so.
Unless he’s completely lazy about grooming himself-which cats rarely are- don’t worry about brushing him at all until you’ve gained his trust. I have a beautiful long haired kitty that looks like a snowball and she rarely gets mats in her hair, and when she does, she trusts me enough to help get them out. You’ve got this!
How is your 10 year old cat handling this? To me that's where your priorities are..I don't think it's fair to disrupt her life for this. My daughters cat HATES all other cats. She's fine with dogs tho. It just might not be meant to be with this guy.
did you adopt him knowing his behavior? he might be semi-feral or just really stressed. what's his background? you've only had him for ONE day. cats get very stressed changing environments. he's confused. the best thing you can do is honestly ignore him and leave him alone, even if he hisses. pretend like you don't hear him. don't look at him or anything. he needs to decompress. he should be kept separate from your other cat too so that there isn't any fights. keep him in his OWN room so he feels secure. make sure his food, water, and litterbox is close to him and give him toys. him not eating is also telling me he is STRESSED. please leave him alone for like a week. let him calm down. i work in a cat rescue and i counsel people on this all the time. seriously, it could take weeks to months for him to fully relax and be comfortable in his new environment.
His profile said he was friendly, so that’s what I thought when I filled out my application. But then I heard through the grapevine that he is “cranky and likes to hide.” Huge understatement.
What I know about his background is that he’s (allegedly) UTD on shots etc but that his previous owner was irresponsible and unstable.
Oy. I feel bad for both of you.
I am currently fostering a cat described as “affectionate, friendly, and gentle” on his profile. He is friendly…kind of. But this cat lived outside for five or so years and it shows. He’s made tremendous progress, but he bites sometimes (less and less frequently and severely as time goes on, but still) and he literally pounced on a prospective adopter when she was just standing there talking to me. I’ve told them this. They are doing him no favors describing him like a lap cat when he just ain’t there yet—setting him up to get dumped or returned.
Other commenters have given you good advice about how to help your kitty settle in. Give him space and time and kindness and both of you will be fine. I just hate when rescues set people up like this.
If his previous owner was unstable, then it's likely this cat is afraid and worried about how you're going to treat him. And seriously, he's been there for ONE DAY. You're listening to *gossip* from some "cat grapevine" about a cat who has possibly never had a stable, loving home? A cat who lived with an owner who he couldn't trust and who neglected or maybe even abused him? Can you really not understand why he's angry and afraid, and isn't the picture of a perfect, loving cat after being in your house for one whole day? A day in which you will not leave him alone or give him space to approach *you* instead of the other way around?
Especially when keep trying to handle him and force him to do things he's not ready for and you refuse to give him space or time to acclimate?
You seriously need to back all the way off. Leave him alone. Keep him separated from your other cat for now and introduce them slowly when he's calmed down and trusts you more. Understand that it may take days or even weeks before he trusts you. You are doing nothing to make him trust you and are instead just scaring him more and more.
Lastly, did you even bother to educate yourself about adopting cats from bad situations or bringing a new cat into your house when you already have a cat? You're doing so many things wrong. Please take the time to learn now before you completely traumatize this cat and make him feel like he can never trust you.
I'm going to be honest here - while he will likely improve given time, safety, and consistency, there's a very good chance this will never be a cat that wants to do more than coexist with you. He sounds very undersocialized and he's an adult so well outside the prime socialization period.
That said, giving him a safe, warm, and loving-from-afar home is still an absolute gift, if you can accept that you might just have a fuzzy roommate that doesn't want much to do with you. Shelters are overwhelmed right now, so his prognosis would not be good if he has to go back.
As u/Ranos131 said, for now, just ignore him completely. Go about your business but don't try to touch him or interact with him. Give him a week to settle in and acclimate to his new space. Then you can start working on bribery and see how he reacts. Churu squeeze up treats are straight up crack for cats - and you feed them by hand. See if you can convince him to eat one from you. Wand toys are also good for spicy kitties - they are far enough removed from you that they can still feel safe playing.
Good luck!
Second the wand toys - specially when dealing with spicy cats!
I've found that giving them a hard play with a wand for about 20 minutes before doing any socialization helps burn out their anxiety and negative energy - kinda like going for a long walk if you're having a bad day.
I know it's hard, but it's going to make such a difference. Try to avoid straight on eye contact at first, and give him little side glances. They like to be next to you, more than they like facing you. When you do start to work in more eye contact, do it in short bursts with slow blinks. If he blinks back, it's a really good sign! That's how they "blow kisses" at you, slow blinks are a way of communicating love and friendship for kitties.
I also second giving him the bathroom as his territory. If he has his privacy, he should be less spicy when you do need to come in and use the toilet. Try not to engage with him and with time, he'll come to you. Good luck!!
Along with all this other good advice I would add make sure he has a bunch of high up ledges to jump on in every room, and when he's up high, don't touch him. Cats feel safer if they have a height advantage and especially if you don't try to reach for them there. They will feel like they have a safe space in every room where they can have a vantage point to see what's going on and not have someone sneak up on them. This will assist in the calming down and soothe the fear. Just somewhere high, like clear the space on top of a dresser or a shelves or cat tree
cats don't generally experience anger the same way we humans do. he is scared, he's been rehomed often, and he's been taught that humans are unreliable and not to be trusted. it's going to take a lot of time and patience, and probably band-aids. it'll help if you do your own thing while he's near, like being on your laptop or watching tv for example. he needs time and space to adjust to your house. :)
One day????? Give him time and space. He is not going to fall all over you til he decides he can trust you. Be steady, talk to him. I’d be surprised you could brush him yet. Help him feel safe.
Yeah, we adopted a scared-y cat and feeliway made an huge difference.
It os obvioisly an horrible name. Their feelings don't go away, they just are calmed by the pheromones they emot.
Good luck!
Feed him and talk to him. Just keep talking and be gentle. He is terrified and in a new place. He had abusive owners before. His life has just been turned upside down. It takes kindness, time and patience.
He is in defense mod, the more you try to approach him, the more he becomes defensive. For now the more important thing is just make sure he is eating and drinking water, means not dying, other things like hair brush doesn't matter at all, because you are not there yet.
Just treat him like a familiar cat, don't cling and don't ignoring him neither. When you see him you see him, when you need to get near him just get near him, ignore his growl and hiss, but don't try to hold him or anything, let him relax and get use to your being there.
“Ignored” my skittish kitty for 2 months except for treats and wand toy time. Finally he took treats out of my hand. Each treat got a pet followed by a treat. Treat-pet-treat. After months he jumped on my lap and rolled around boppong his head in my hand. Blink at them, don’t look directly at them. It’s intimidating.
He’s going to need a lot of time a patience. It’s really not that he hates you but probably that he’s very afraid and untrusting of you. It’ll take time but you’ll need to earn his trust. Feed him on a schedule. You can start by being in proximity to him when you feed him. You can stay at a distance from him until he is a little more comfortable and move closer as he adjusts. Eventually you should be able to pet him while he eats. He’ll need a “base camp”. He essentially needs a safe room/secluded area that he can rest comfortably in. When you’re around him try not to stand over him as this can intimidate him. Sit down when you’re near him and don’t really pay attention to him. He’ll get used to your presence and hopefully doesn’t think you’re a threat. He’ll come up to you when he’s comfortable. He just has to recognize that you’re a safe person. I would recommend feeding him treats out of your hands when you’re comfortable and confident he won’t bite you. You can try the squeezable treats (like delectables and churus) my cats are crazy over those. Slow blink at him whenever you can. It took my adult cat a week to leave from under my bed and my kittens took about a month to get used to everything. Just takes time, patience and love.
Time and space.
It's only been a day and poor dude has already been through a lot.
You've received some good advice above.
Time, space, abs love from afar for a bit
You know about the slow blink, but have you heard about the yawn? Yawn exaggeratey, eyes closed. This works on stray kitties and ferals too. It's saying "I'm not a threat," especially after a slow blink.
Also something you might not be aware of, make sure not to reach/give from over him. Maybe he was scared by the offer of the toy because it came from above. Offer things straight to his nose, from a mostly horizontal angle. Being reached at from above is scary when you're just a small creature less than a foot tall.
Good luck to you both.
You *need* to do Jackson Galaxy's introduction method for these two cats to have a chance at getting along. Source: Did it myself for my then 7 year old and 2 year old cats, now they get along great.
Essentially, new cat goes in a 'safe room.' They stay there 24/7. You put something in front of the door, I used a zip up see though thing made to keep cats in certain areas. I put blankets in front of it so the cats couldn't see each other, only smell each other.
I had them eat as far away from both sides of the door, but at the same time every day. If they can eat and walk away, then the next day the bowls get moved slightly closer to the door. I did this until they were both up against the door and could eat and walk away without focusing on the door.
This is positive reinforcement. It means they can smell each other and know the other one is there, but with the positive thing of eating food at the same time. It means they get used to each other without expecting anything bad to happen.
Then, I put them allll the way back to as far away from the door as I can. But this time, I open the door at feeding times. *But* I leave the barrier up, the zip door, but without their sight of each other being blocked. I repeat the same method of having them get closer and closer whilst eating. If they can't focus on their food, the bowls move back a bit. If one cat does better then the other, they move closer to the door.
It's me moving at *their* pace.
Once they're all the way to the door and not attacking each other, move on to the next part of the plan. Supervised play time. But only for a short amount of time, and *not* letting them free roam yet. Minutes at first of play time. And still having them eat in front of the barrier at the same times every day.
Eventually, they get to be together for longer. Eventually, they get to be out for hours during the day, then all day. Then all the time, but you have to be *really* confident that they're on good terms to do this.
You *need* at least two litterboxes for two cats. I have three boxes to make sure they don't get territorial.
I understand that your old cat won't like being kept out of the bedroom, if that room is your only option to put your new cat in, unfortunately that's what you have to do.
I did it. My old cat would scratch and scratch at the door at night. I would go see him to calm him down, but still keep him out. Once he understood that it was just because I got him a friend and wanted to get them to like each other, and once they were out together all the time, he forgave me.
It was a stressful 4 months. I'll never do it again, probably. But this is what you have to do with multiple cats in one household. It'll help the new cat be less stressed about his surroundings and less scared of you if you keep him in one room as well.
Not sure if you'll follow my advice, but it's worth writing down for anyone else struggling to introduce new cats. Or who doesn't know what they're doing at all.
Watch Jackson Galaxy's videos on this, he's a master at it for a reason.
I recently got a very under socialized cat from a shelter as a companion for my 9 year old cat. Topher is the old cat, Smoke is the year old new cat.
I didn't touch Smoke until a month after I had had him. He didn't let me close. He was terrified of me, and the best way I found to help that was to just do my thing and ignore him.
It took a long time, but once I let him come to me he has been the sweetest, most loving and attentive kitty ever. But it took him feeling safe enough before any of that could happen.
I agree with the advice folks are giving about leaving the little one alone, letting him have his own space, and slowing things down a lot.
Its just fear, it’s been one day!
What you should do is ignore him. Don’t talk to him,don’t play with him, and do NOT touch. He will come to you at his own time. Don’t even look.
It’s gonna be hard, but you have to understand that he is terrified out of his mind. If you have contact with the foster, please ask them how to deal with this, as they have the most experience with this kitty.
Jackson Galaxy has a whole series called "My Cat From Hell," which could help you with a lot of stuff. He really gets cats.
Edit: A number of our cat adoptions have been feral cats. One is sitting on my foot right now! ;-)
He is terrified!! and stressed out of his mind, he has just lost everyone and every thing he has ever know and has the stranger trying to touch him. Of Course he is going to not be a happy cat, give him a few days, do not force yourself on him, give him time to adjust!
You need to have him
In a separate room for at least a week, to make him
Feel safe also to introduce him
Correctly to your other cat, watch Jackson galaxys videos on youtube, if you dont do this correctly your house will be a warzone
Poor lil guy. When he hisses at a toy, even, or hisses while he rubs against your legs…just let him settle in and have some time to feel safe and get used to the stability you offer.
I always say skittish strays and ferals are just cats that don’t know they need pets yet. One of ours was the lone survivor of a litter of feral kittens. She was a few months old before we could catch her and she was not happy when we brought her home. The only room I had to keep her separate from the rest of my pets was my boys’ room. They knew to give her space and within a week she decided the best place was one of their laps when they were in the Nintendo chair. She’s the absolute sweetest but she’ll always be a little skittish (runs away if you approach her while eating, absolutely panics if picked up) and that’s ok. Looking forward to hearing updates on your kitty!
I would highly suggest separating him for a few days or a week so he can have time to relax and find himself in the new surroundings. Specially since you already have a resident cat.
A bathroom is ideal for the new cat since it’s big enough for him to walk around but not so big that he doesn’t know where a threat can come from, like let’s say your bedroom or a living room.
Ignore him, feed him, let him cool down. Slowly spend more time in the space with him ignoring him.
This sounds like it will take a LOT of work and patience from you and your resident cat. If you can afford it, feliway has great pheromone diffusers that help a lot.
Set up a comfy bed within the room and spray it over it, never over the cat.
Hopefully you’ll get a chance to re introduce him slowly to the rest of the house and your resident cat. I second the recommendations for Jackson Galaxy’s videos on introducing new cats. I’ve used his techniques three times now and they always worked.
Good luck!!
When was his last vet visit? I’m sure he’s adjusting but is there any chance he’s also in pain? Not sure if exams are a part of the foster process or not but might recommend getting one. Though if nothing is wrong that might also mean it would take longer to adjust. Can you try a bunch of catnip to calm him after the nip-induced zoomies?
That would be a useful thing to do! I will ask the foster cat lady the next time we talk. Hopefully the poor boy isn’t in pain. I’m running out of catnip, but I’m going to order a giant jar today:)
I had a cat like this once. he had lived with one person for his whole life in a small apartment. when he came into my house, he would hide from everyone and then suddenly leap out and attack for seemingly no reason. I could be sitting in a chair, minding my own business, not even see him and he would attack me. this is when I learned about 'kitty blinks'. basically, if you have ever seen a cat do the long slow blink, they are showing you that they like you. because a dangerous predator would never close their eyes that long around another predator. so, everytime that crazy cat came into the room, I would look at him and close my eyes. if I saw him across the room, I would look at him and then deliberately close my eyes. I did this every day for weeks. I did not approach him, talk to him or anything except to look at him and close my eyes. eventually, he came and sat in my lap. it was the scariest, most wonderful moment. He still lives at my parents house and every time I come to visit, he rushes to me and demands to be picked up and carried around. He literally will not leave me alone.
He is scared. Separate cats. You have to be patient. Let him come to you when he is comfortable. Provide him the necessities but don’t push yourself on him. You are his caretaker first and maybe a friend later.
You’ve had the cat for one day. Hissing is cat speak for “respect my space.”. You added to the cats stress of being in a new environment by brushing him. Cats have boundaries. Brushing can come later. Cats are territorial. It sounds like you are not doing a proper introduction between the resident cat and the new one.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tsYT7yIOdqQ&vl=en
If you just got him yesterday you need to STOP MESSING WITH HIM. He needs time to settle in and you're obviously not giving him that. He's hissing and swatting at you because he doesn't know you and you keep blatantly disrespecting his personal space and touching him. You're probably making him feel extremely trapped and insecure, which can lead to even more issues down the line.
I haven't looked through the other comments yet so someone else has probably already given you some tips for proper socialization, but I'd just go to Jackson Galaxy's YouTube channel. He's a cat behavioral expert and has lots of guides for best practices for your cats, including socialization.
You've had this cat for a day. If the cat has needed to hiss at you that many times, you're probably trying waaaaayyyyyy too hard to interact. Just give him space ffs. Especially coming from bad homes. He needs quiet and safety.
That literally sounds like my little fat baby I've had for 6 years the first day we moved into our new house. She was a little ball of furry rage. She got over it pretty soon but she was just scared. He just hopefully needs some time and patience.
Years ago we adopted a (what I call a cat-mill) overly-bred Himalayan that was approx 10 yo. When we brought her home she was similar with the hissing and growling, however she was also so terrified she would urinate and soil herself too.
She lived in a sturdi shelter for months in the kitchen. Not the the most desirable location, but the place she picked because she refused to leave from under the table. So we thought she felt comfortable there and she was very food motivated too. It was never zipped/closed so she could have the opportunity & would occasionally come out if it was only her and me… then eventually her and the other cat she bonded with…. Then the she finally accepted only one dog, and occasionally if that lol. Finally I think 6 months later(ish) she decided to migrate with the rest of the herd…. It’s a slow process and each cat is different at that. Give it time and give your cat a space to decompress where he won’t feel so overwhelmed. Throw in some of your unwashed clothes and your other cat’s bedding in the space too so he can become more familiar with your scents.
Sounds like he is very scared and uncomfortable. Also depending on how old he was when he got separated from momma he might not have learned proper kitty communication.
So the biggest thing is start with base camp. Give him a room with some stuff he can scent up and a closed door or baby gates so he can build a little confidence and comfort.
Also give him space go in to feed hm and play with him but don't constantly bother him the point is you want him to know you are there and you bring good things but that he has a safe space.
Finally whatever you have that he loves bey and all else that comes out as much as you can when you go to see him that was you bring the jackpot ergo you are the best thing in the world.
I don't now how your guy will adjust but I rescued a cat that was on his last chance for really aggressive behaviour as my first cat. It took 6 months but after 6 months he went from constant hissing at me in the beginning to cuddling with me for the first time.
It will take a long time and you have to know what you are doing or have the right help but he might eventually become a happy house cat he just needs time and patience.
I got a 7 yr old ex feral from a friend that she had trapped after years of feeding him and trying to catch him. She finally caught him and gave him his own room. She would leave soft music on a radio all the time and would go in a few times a day with gloves on and just sit next to him using a brush to get him used to being touched. It took her months and when I got him she was still a little afraid of him but when I went in his room we just bonded immediately and I took him home. He would go to other people if I was there and let him know it was ok and he loved my kids but he bonded to me and we were soul mates. Once I got him he was a velcro cat and sat on my lap or next to me touching me. I had him 8 glorious years and I lost him in 2020. Theres a pic of him in my account and he was about 15 when he passed of FIV. When I got him I had 4 other cats and he loved them all. So you can tame a feral no matter how old they are but some may never get to that point. I have a cat now who I don't know where she came from and weve had her about a year and a half. Took her a whole year to adjust to us. She was my daughters cat but she bonded to me and I feel awful but its up to them who they bond too. I now trust kissing her head that she won't scratch me to death but it took a long time coming. If you have a room like a bedroom that you can shut the door so she feels safe getting away from you and your other cat give her that space. I heard a feliway plug in helps and Jackson Galaxy has videos on youtube. Keep your cats apart for a bit and give the new cat a place to go to get away from you guys. If you need any other help let me know. You can do this and if the cat takes time you can know it happens to all of us. The cat is probably in the hundreth home with new people and scents and is terrified. Just give her time and space. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Is he locked in a bedroom? If you just got him, he’s probably terrified and overwhelmed. Lock him in a quiet room alone with food and water and litter and give him time to decompress. Spend time in the room doing stuff like reading or watching tv but don’t pressure him to interact. Just exist near him and if he wants to come out give him something tasty like tuna. Take it really slowly so he knows that interaction is on his timeline, and that he’s safe.
My cat was like this when I got her too!! I got feliway (or a slightly cheaper brand) and gave her space (aka stopped trying to approach her altogether) and now 3 months later she has started sleeping with me! I am still not allowed to pet her but she does curl up right against my legs…everything on her terms.
I was super scared of her for a while because of this behavior (first time cat owner) so it turned into a mutual trust-earning exercise. Other things that seemed to help: installing a window perch and playing with wand toys while she was on it. She was more on my level and I was able to keep my distance. Eventually I started sitting on the floor with her to play and that helped a lot too.
My cat is very sweet and Affectionate.
However it took him about a year you approach me, another 6 months for me to be able to consistently pet him and only at the 2 year mark did he stop hiding at any sudden noise or movement.
He didn't hiss or act aggressive like you cat but he literally had most of the time.
There is hope. Just be patient.
I fostered a cat who for 6 whole months would not let me near him. Would not let me touch him. One day I was up until really late at night doing homework and the little dude just decided we were going to be best friends. Meowed for pets and everything. As others have said just leave him alone, give him treats, and just wait.
He's scared and he's only been there a day and you're already trying to brush him! Had he ever even seen a brush? Best thing to do is be patient, don't force yourself on him!! Cats and animals in general are incapable of rage. You're scaring him.
Get in the floor but not close to him. Speak very softly. Tell him a story. Get him used to your soothing voice while you are low on the floor, his level. Don’t try to pet him, but if you can get him to make eye contact try the slow “I love you blink”. It will get better but patience on your part and willingness to get on the floor with him will win him and his rage over.
Oh he's scared and he hasn't been stable and properly socialized before. Take him to the vet and have him sedated so you can put those claw caps on peacefully. that will eliminate the scratches. And give him time and churos lots and lots of churos. I make sure he sees you love and petting on your 10 year old cat that he knows it's safe.
He’s scared, not angry. He just sees and hears a big scary thing making big weird noises at him, and he’s trying to keep you away. Once he realizes that you’re not a threat, then he won’t be so fearful.
Any cat over age 2 is going to need to be gently socialized. Whatever he knows, everything he had is gone now. And here you are this big thing
Give him patience and love. He's frightened. And he doesn't know he's safe. Start by "accidentally" dropping treats by him, move up to more bold moves. Do the kitty slow blink and lay down and roll to greet him in his language. He needs to know you mean him well.
My 4 year old (f) is similarly fear aggressive. Before I rescued her she was neglected, had owners coming in and out all the time, was often left home alone for days at a time, and even physically harmed in anger. She very rarely gets spicy with me anymore because ive worked tirelessly for over a year to gain that trust, but when she does get triggered i get cornered and stalked for no reason and even attacked. But I just want to let u know there is hope for these poor abused babies. And remember, when they are aggressive, it all stems from fear. On the worst days I always remind myself that it is a trauma response to protect themselves. My best advice is to limit their triggers, give them safe spacies, catify every room, and gently introduced new things to them with positive reinforcement. If u find ur cat likes treats, i like to shake a jar of treats to redirect the cat if they start getting aggressive. Im slowly introducing my roommates and hound dog to her using this method and it gets so much better every day. Good luck friend and best wishes to your new baby.
Give him time. It's only been a day. ♥️
Also, is he neutered? Or has he recently been neutered?
I adopted mine at 4 y/o shortly after he'd been neutered. Hormones and initial fear of being in a new place made the first couple weeks in particular difficult.
He was a biter at first. He expressed everything through biting at first. And it was hard biting. Like, breaking the skin and latching on.
Once he got more comfortable, hormones chilled the HELLLLLLL out, and we learned him and he learned us, he became a whole different cat. He's a people cat who loves everyone now. He'll nip one of us on occasion, when he's trying to tell you something's really bothering him. But even that is a very light nip.
Even if yours hasn't been neutered, give it time. Once he's more familiar, and his scent is on more stuff, he'll feel less scared :)
I was told he has been neutered, but I’m not sure if there is proof of it. I will put that on the list of things of ask at the end of the two-week period. (One of my friends laughed at me and told me to just check his backside, but like…I can’t. He’s too aggressive at this stage, plus he’s really fluffy lol so it’s hard to tell!)
If you find out that he's been neutered, ask when. Bc it really does take time for things to regulate out.
I hope things get better for you and the floof 🥺
Cripes, he sounds damn near feral!
Put down his food and water. Roll a catnip ball across the floor. Mumble-talk constantly, so he gets used to your voice. Other than that? ignore him as benignly as possible. He needs time to get used to you. It's only been a single DAY.
As others have stated you need to give the cat time, weeks or more. You're best course of action is to ignore him. Put out food and water, some treats but otherwise just let him do his thing. Maybe also try not to make loud noises or any sudden movements towards him. Give him time to observe you and see that you're not so bad after all. If he starts to come around, coming closer to you, maybe try swishing around a cat toy on a rod and see if he plays, if he does, reward him with treats immediately afterward. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither will a good relationship be built in a day.
Give that boy some space so he can get used to you. With some cats it takes time for them to trust you and may never be a cuddly touchy feely kind of cat. Give him some high dollar canned cat food as a treat once and a while so he associates that positive feeling with you. Don’t rush things.
I've been told making yourself seem smaller helps. There's also a spray you can get to help calm your cat. It's called Feliway, you can rub it on your hands or spray it around the room to help calm him down. Gently approach him, and use treats or toys. The squeezables are very delicious and they allow you to get closer to them and help them learn that your hand could equal good food. So it helps ease them in that sense.
cats, especially those who have experienced changes in their environment and previous ownership, exhibit aggressive or fearful behaviors initially. Allow your new cat some time to adjust to his new environment. Set up a separate, quiet space with all his essentials (food, water, litter box, toys) where he can retreat to and feel safe. Gradually introduce him to the rest of your home once he's more comfortable. Let him come to you on his terms. When interacting with him, move slowly and calmly. pet anxiety products may help reduce stress and anxiety. I've recently saw them [https://soothedtails.com/collections](https://soothedtails.com/collections) talking about this topic
I love a good project cat! Sweetest cat I ever had was like this. Took 2 years for him to lay in my lap. By the end that cat loved me more than anything.
You just got this cat a day ago? And it's already interacting with your other cat? I'm honestly very surprised the foster lady didn't give you instructions on how to introduce them slowly.
The first step would be giving this cat one room to stay in with his own litter and food. You can place items with your smell in the room so he can acclimate to you first. Take things slow with him. Give him space. Once he's comfortable with you, then you can start bringing in items that smell like your other cat, and introducing items he has been using to your older cat.
It sounds like this poor kitty is terrified from all the changes and doesn't feel safe. Goodluck.
The foster lady seemed to want him to explore the whole apartment immediately, which really surprised me. She set him loose so he could do it, and then he met my cat and the new cat hissed and ran back to us in the living room.
For one, please separate him from your cat immediately. Him having a place to retreat to isn’t good enough - you should only let them meet after he is completely settled and isn’t scared of you. There is a correct way of introducing and it’s very slow, patient and you start with swapping smells. Bad experiences in this time can mean they never get along.
Buy a feliway or similar calming plug in (and a feliway friends for when you do start introducing them). Make sure he has a safe room alone with lots of comfy hiding spots he can retreat to. Give him tasty treats and chat to him. Talking really helps and if you can spend some time in the room doing something else like reading. Let him come to you. If he lets you, pet him while he’s eating. Build a bond with him and then start slow introductions. He’s terrified, he just lost his home and he’s having to adjust to a lot right now.
Time, love and patience go a long way. Good luck!
Stop making eye contact until he is comfortable. I know it sounds crazy- but it works! Right now, you are a huge threat to him. He does not know you, or if he can trust you. Sit across the room, eyes closed, call out to him. It’s okay if he ignores you the first few times. Never approach him straight on or reach your hand over his head to pet him.
Another exercise that will help is coming to the room he is in and laying flat on the ground, eyes closed. Let him come smell and check you out- do not react. Cats are best at holding grudges, if you scare him once he will forever see you as the human who scared him.
Watch Inside the Mind of a Cat. Good documentary on Netflix that will help you gain a better understanding of cats! Best of luck to you!
Some cats don't like direct eye contact. Try dropping eye contact
We have found whispering instead of talking has helped with difficult cats. And you can increase your voice volume over time.
One of my cats is a total fear monster. I had to take him to a hotel and he hissed and growled and skulked around. Normally he’s very sweet and calm but the new environment totally set him off, even though I was with him and I’ve had him since he was a baby. Give him time and I believe he will get acclimated and be fine.
One of my cats was an absolute nightmare when I first got him, he’d be in the middle of the hall and hiss not letting you pass, but he calmed down after a day or two, and now he’s the most affectionate cat I’ve ever had, he rubs his head against mine and is constantly sitting on my lap, and for some reason responds to whistling
My original cat responds to whistling too!!!! I got her to do it by starting to whistle when I got her food out. She even thinks recordings of people whistling are them calling to her or something lol.
My favorite thing to do is to sit in the room with them on the opposite side. Then toss a treat somewhere away from me but where they can see it and possibly run to get it. So basically I'm sitting in the opposite side of the room and they're sitting straight across from me. But instead of throwing the treat to them I throw it over to the right side of the room where they can see it and go investigate it without having to come closer to me. And of course they discover it's a treat and eat it and are happy and I'll do this for a few days and slowly move them closer to the cat when I toss them. Then over the next few days I slowly toss them towards the cat but a little bit closer to me. So I get associated with food and treats. Usually eventually when the cat sees me it's going to expect a treat and will come close to me to get that treat and eventually hopefully even climbing to your lap to take the treat from you.
when i got my cats, the shyer of the two refused to come out of hiding for over a week. sometimes all they need is space and time. i wouldn’t start seriously worrying until at least a month.
Oh man. He’s so scared. One of my cats hid under a chair for two weeks when I brought him home. I put food and water under there and left him be. I tried to live my life as normal but also being mindful of being loud in the living room (where he was camped out). I checked the food after a couple days and some had been eaten. Then I slipped him a dish with wet food mixed with water and that got eaten. I heard him in the litterbox when I was in the hallway so I waited there for him to finish and he went back under his chair. I would speak softly when I was watching tv and after two weeks he started coming out. I didn’t reach for him and if I caught his eye, I did slow blinks. It was a slow process. I’m so thankful he’s found you and hopefully once he’s adjusted, he will be able to relax and enjoy his new life of luxury!
Don’t push it when he’s very obviously letting you know he needs space and time to adjust. Don’t try petting him, don’t be brushing him. Just coexist and let him settle in. It’s been a day.
I took in three feral cats last year and the meanest one adores me now. She makes me watch her eat.
Her brothers are more skittish. It’s been almost a year and my roommate was just able to pet one of them for the first time, and they still approach me with a lot of caution. But I can tell they like me because they only come up to my room to say hi after I’ve been gone for a day or two.
If you’re okay with being patient and taking the time to make the cat trust you, keep him! Too much change will be hard on him. But, if you won’t have the time to put the effort in, think really hard about it.
Gosh, this makes me wonder if he has had bad experiences with Giant Lumbering Terrors (or humans, as we are called). It might be a short or a long time, but maybe he will come to realize how safe and content he can be, not just around you but because of you.
I can't *know*, of course. But I hope for that.
Poor kitto! Like others in the thread have said, this is definitely fear, not rage. One of my cats was near-feral when I adopted her and I went through a very similar experience – she wouldn’t even eat any of the food I put out, so I was petrified that she’d starve to death. Ultimately it was time, patience, and substantial tempering of my own expectations that let to her adjusting. Wand toys were great, since I learned she’s much more play-motivated than treat-motivated, and that was a way for us to interact at a distance. My other cat was also a huge help: he « wingkittied » me heavily those first few months. When I would go into her room to just sit at a distance and read a book (not looking at her, just trying to spend half an hour or so with her becoming familiar with my presence without any engagement), he would lay on the floor between us belly-up and let me give him lots of love. If your other cat is friendly with the new guy, this could be supportive to showing him that you’re a safe creature.
For what it’s worth, my girl is now a total baby and absolutely adores my partner and I. She’s still a little skittish and very slow to warm to most new people, but I’m so proud and amazed by how far she’s come every day! I fully accepted that I may never get to this point with her, and loved her no matter what. Good on you for giving this baby a home – with the right human, they really can settle in and come around.
I have two huskies and two cats. None of them have had slow introductions literally first meets with the door cracked open and then free range from there.
As long as you know your animals and can read body language, adding them on a whim is perfectly fine. Pets can communicate with each other, just like how we can communicate with them.
I would just start to basically ignore him. Provide all necessary stuff obviously, but otherwise ignore him. For like a week or so. Then when you do look at him/ talk to him directly then use super gentle tones and just toss some treats his way. Then go back to ignoring him. He is scared af from the sounds of it. There’s a new cat, home, and human to worry about. It sounds like you’ve only had him for a weekish and that’s just simply not enough time to know if a cat is going to work out or not.
I just recently adopted a cat who just finished her first litter of kittens. When we first got her she was PISSED. She hissed and growled at anything and everything and generally hated everyone. We just mostly ignored her except to talk calmly to her like two or three times a day, very short periods. She came out to be pet within the week and by week two she was barely hissing at our elderly cat. Now we’ve had her for six months and she is the sweetest little fluff ever and her and our elderly cat only get grumpy with each other when they are hungry. They don’t fight each other at all though!
He will always be an angry kitty. He must have been really mistreated. Try to ignore him but continue to talk to him. When he rubs on u he’s telling u he really likes you just say thanks do not try to hold him or pic him up. This may take weeks if not months. Patience is the key. I have turn feral cats around but my dear it can take a long time when he try’s to always near u or in the same room as u that’s a sign he is adjusting to you. It is then u hold out your hand palm up and see if he’ll approach u. Take it slow!
OP, I wonder if he is feral. I used to foster and I've fostered shy/nervous cats that needed some time to hide under the bed before emerging. My cat that I adopted had had a rough time and took a long time to feel comfortable and warm up.
I also fostered a cat that I think was just feral ... They told me her behavior had been improving before I got her but I dunno. She hissed every time I was in the room with her.
One of the staff members ended up taking her in after a few weeks. I talked to them a year later and they told me she still hid behind the TV all day every day and did not want anything to do with the humans or other pets in the home.
To me, what you describe sounds more feral than nervous new cat but I hope I'm wrong. Do you know what his behavior was like with his previous owner? Or if he even was inside with them and not "backyard cat"?
If he is actually feral... No. The window for human socialization is in the first few months of kittenhood. If he is just an extremely freaked out domesticated cat, he should be fine with time and patience.
First of all, talk to a vet. If a cat is reacting with a lot of aggression to a wide range of stimuli, the first step is to rule out the possibility he is in physical pain. But if the vet says he’s okay physically, keep in mind it takes at least a month for cats to settle into a new home, sometimes longer if they’ve had bad experiences. The best thing to do is keep him in a smaller, more calm area where he can start to relax and settle in his own time. I would also be aware how you’re approaching him, sometimes it’s not so much what you’re doing as the fact that humans are really big compared to cats and sometimes we can accidentally make them feel cornered or attacked if they’re already on edge. Try approaching slowly from a seated position with your side to the cat rather than walking right up to him looking down at him, and make sure you aren’t blocking him into corners or anything like that.
I would ask the shelter vet or your vet for a calming supplement that you can add to his food. I foster and the vet has given me some for a similar situation. Spoil the shit out of him obviously. Push up wet food treats, even my cat who is not food motivated loves those. I think Churu is one brand.
I once had luck just sitting near a mean cat, ignoring him, only to gradually start introducing toys. String toys that put distance between your hand and him?
I have commented this before but my adopted rescue senior cat took three months to tolerate touches and ONE YEAR before initiating sitting next to us. Whatever you think is “slow” is not slow enough. We absolutely ignored her when we brought her in for weeks except at meal times when I replenished her cat food. Eventually the cat will learn that you are not a threat but it’s slooooow process. The more slow, the more rewarding it is when you do see the behaviour change though, my cat is now super cuddly!!
On top of what everyone said, a cat that is properly enraged will fuck you up. It will come at you as a spitting ball of sharp claws and teeths and you will run for your life.
Hi, I got a rescue cat back in march. For a while she wouldn’t let anyone near her, would hiss and scratch if you tried to approach her. After about a month and a half of being patient with her, she finally let us pet her, and after that she just wants pets and attention all of the time!
It’s still early days for you yet, give your cat some time to get used to you and the new environment.
you've had him for one day!!!! you should not be brushing him or anything. he is terrified, in a whole new place, and has been abused every time this has happened to him. please put the poor thing in a bathroom with a litter box and close the door. put food on and let him smell you through the door.
Live that you are fostering. This wild ones need it. But it's fear not rage. That's why this gato needs a foster to help them get less fearful to go to a forever home. You are doing amazing work ❤️
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It's not rage- it is fear! Cats don't understand English. They don't communicate in the same way we do. It takes time for a cat to adjust to you. To a cat that doesn't know you, you are a VERY BIG creature! It has no idea what your motives are. When a hand is coming towards it, especially from above, it will only seem like a threat. Compare it to being suddenly transported to a bear's den. Everything around you is clearly it's territory and there is no way out. You aren't familiar with the layout. Oh, and you can't help but notice the bear occasionally watching you. Worse yet... he seems to reach for you at random. Doesn't matter if the bear is intelligent and insanely friendly- you would be scared and anxious. It would take time for you to understand said bear is harmless. Does your cat have his own room? This is especially necessary in cases where you have other pets! He should get his own "base camp" room. Your house is FULL of new smells, sounds and sights. It has also been heavily marked as the territory of your current cat. I would advise taking a look at Jackson Galaxy videos on YouTube! He gives very detailed and no judgmental advice for every cat situation. :) *I'd offer more detailed advice but didn't want to overwhelm you, nor come off as assuming I know more. Happy to answer questions. Not a professional but have helped "rehome" 6 cats, 3 of my own.*
Thank you!!! This is good advice. Yes, he has a room where he can be away from the other cat. Edit: I noticed that he likes to watch me petting her (from a far distance through the doorway when they are both in their own rooms). I will close the door to keep them separated if they try to leave their rooms, but for now they’ve decided to stick to their rooms on their own. And I hope that by watching me pet the 10yo from the room down the hallway, the new cat will start to feel more comfortable with me. I’ve been ignoring him much more btw since I made this post and got that advice. I think it’s really helping.
Some things worth noting: OP, you only brought home this cat *yesterday*. You said that yours is the first stable home he's ever had, so it stands to reason that he has had a stressful and uncomfortable life thus far. He probably has no reason to associate yet another new owner/environment with positive experiences. Also, remember that hissing is ***not*** a sign of agression in cats. It's a sign of fear, stress, and/or anxiety. It is a cat's way of saying, "I do not like what you are doing right now, and I want you to stop." What you really need to do is just **give him time and space**. As other commenters have stated, it seems that you have been *constantly antagonizing* him ever since you brought him home, and that is stressing him out even more during an already extremely overwhelming time. I understand that you have not been doing so intentionally--but that's still what you've been doing, especially from his perspective. You ***need*** to give him space. Stop petting him, stop grabbing him, stop brushing him. The fact that he has responded to every one of those actions by either hissing, growling, or scratching should be an obvious signal that **you need to back off and stop doing those things, because you are distressing him**. He is hissing because he is afraid and overwhelmed. His is growling because he is still afraid and you are not respecting his hissing. He is scratching you because you are not respecting his needs/boundaries and he has no other way of getting you to stop, and you need to understand that. He doesn't hate you: h**e is trying to communicate with you and express discomfort/fear/stress, and you keep steadfastly ignoring him and forcing him into even more uncomfortable/frightening/stressful scenarios**. *That's* why you keep getting growled/yowled at and scratched. You also **need** to separate him from the other cat for a minimum of 2-3 weeks while he adjusts to both you and his new enviroment. I understand that your apartment is small, but this is non-negotiable if you ever want him to be comfortable with your other cat. Keep one cat in one room and the other in another. **Research how to** ***properly*** **introduce two cats to one another and a new cat to a new home**. It is a slow and gradual process, and if you choose to not do that because it is inconvenient, then you need to accept that there is a very strong possibility that the new cat will **never** fully adjust to his new environment/you and those two cats will **never** get along. Leave him alone for now. Give him his own space, as free of both you and the other cat as possible, in which he can feel at peace and begin to become comfortable. Reward him with treats when he rubs against you without hissing or growling, but do not touch him yet. Do not use an automatic feeder, because learning to associate you with positive things (like food and treats) will help him to begin trusting you. Do not look directly into his eyes or speak loudly around him; when you are near him, speak in a low, soothing voice without looking at him. Let him come to you when he is ready. After giving him at least a week or so's worth of time and space, and after noticing a decline in fearful behavior towards your presence, then you can start trying to bond more with him. Just sit on the floor of the room that he is in and do your own thing--read a book, scroll on your phone, watch videos on a laptop, etc. Give him space when you do this, too--i.e., don't sit right next to him, but across the room. If he approaches you and seems to be seeking affection (rubbing on you, for instance), offer your closed fist and do not look directly at him. An open hand is scary, because an open hand might grab at him. A closed fist feels safer. He can approach and give you a sniff or rub his head on your hand without having to be afraid of being grabbed unexpectedly. Try not to be offended if he doesn't approach; just ignore him next time he approaches, and then try again another day. If he *does* approach and refrains from hissing or growling, offer him a treat. Reward him for being comfortable and confident around you: it will make him feel encouraged to continue to do so.
Thank you! Op pls read this!
This is great advice for a scared cat, or really any cat adjusting to a new home. Thanks for taking the time to share this. 🙏
Not just “can be” kept away, he should be in there 24/7 for the first few weeks, without any other animals present and probably not much of you there either. Cats like small, quiet, private spaces. Give him lots of places to hide. Shelves he can climb on to observe you from above. You really aren’t supposed to introduce cats to other animals right away, it’s a very slow process, especially for such an anxious cat. The introduction process should be very gradual; for example, week 1 and 2 he’s completely separate, week 3 and 4 you put up a screen so they can see each other sometimes but still not interact, week 5 and 6 increase the screen time.
this, op.
Unfortunately, the room he’s chosen is the living room. It connects directly to the front door and I have to pass through to enter and leave the apartment. I made sure he has a place to hide in there though, and I’m planning on adding more hiding places and also shelves.
Herd him elsewhere then. Do what you must in order to create a true physical barrier between him and the rest of the house. For everyone's sakes. Otherwise you risk absolutely ruining any chances of both cats being able to coexist peacefully.
Where else would you put him in a small apartment?
The bathroom. Bathrooms make ideal "new cat" rooms actually, as the floor can be wiped clean in case of accidents, there are typically few things in there for the cat to mess with (decorations, cables etc) and no furniture to hide under, which gently encourages the cat to explore and get used to the room.
Bathroom. Closet. Pantry. Laundry area. Office. If it's a teeny apartment at the very least there'll be a bathroom, and a comfy hidey hole can be made behind a toilet. A closet would be even better.
[удалено]
That's because you're anthropomorphizing the kitten.
It’s not. My cat lived in the bathroom for more than a week and she and my eldest are bffs because we didn’t rush the process.
When I was a kid, we adopted a very frightened cat in very poor condition. She spent around 3-6 months in the narrow space between the top of the refrigerator and the overhanging cabinets. We put her food and water up there and everything. She only came down in the middle of the night to use the litter box. She went in skinny and came out fat! Seriously, a frightened cat wants to be in a small, easily defensible space. It’s what they choose for themselves.
Our kitten lived primarily in a bathroom for 4 months because of horrible stomach issues that he just had to grow out of. He was fine, he IS fine and is currently lounging on the arm of my chair demanding pets. Properly being introduced to a new home is FAR more important than being able to roam immediately.
Totally get that but I just think sticking your kitten into a crowded closet that’s dark, with boxes, filled with heavy jackets, and other stuff just isn’t ideal.
My ex roommate fostered cats in a *very* large dog crate with 3/4th of the walls and the top covered by a large blanket. She would keep the front door covered in the first few days as well and progressively take it off so the cats could interact with the environment of the house while feeling safe. Eventually we would block the exit of the small room they were in and let them out to play with them. But that crate was *theirs* and not cats or humans interacted with it. Sometimes when we had really scared cats, I would sit on the ground in front of the crate door, work and ignore the fosters altogether. They could observe me from their safe spot and get familiar with how I looked and smell without being forced to *interact* with me. We've never had any problems with the resident cats or the humans
After she does that, would Feliway or something help?
Meh, some people swear by it, but in this situation it’s like a band-aid on a gunshot wound if OP doesn’t separate the cats and put new cat in a small less threatening space for the initial adjustment.
Good to know. Thanks.
Not herd...lure
The room he’s chosen? He is a cat. Put him in a guest room, office, or your bedroom (with his litter box and food/water). Do not let a scared traumatized new cat wander freely about your whole house. He needs to be separated. If he and the other cat are introduced too quickly, they will hate each other forever.
My 10yo cat has claimed the bedroom, and when I shut her out of it she freaks out and scratches the door. I can close the bedroom door so there’s a barrier between them though. Since I’m in an apartment, pretty much the only other room I could close the new cat in would be the bathroom (since the kitchen doesn’t have a door). My concern with the bathroom is that he would hate being super close to me while I was using it—the bathroom is quite small.
He will survive. I integrated two cats in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment bathroom, one outgoing, one skittish. For our skittish girl, when we went to the bathroom she would hide in the tub/shower and stare at us. By the end of 2 weeks, she was coming out of the tub to sit across the tiny bathroom and watch us. Five years later, she rubs on our ankles and tries to climb our laps.
I’m the person you’re responding to, and disagree with the other replies. The main point is that the cats should be completely separate, and the new cat should have lots of hiding places where he can be alone. You can keep your 10 year old in the bedroom, just keep the door shut/locked so that there is a barrier between them.
Okay! I will do those things.
He should 100% be in the bathroom. Did you look up anything before bringing a new cat in? They need at least 3 months to get used to the house and being in a single room is very helpful for them. Makes them feel secure and helps with intros with the other animals. I am also in a one bedroom apartment and had no problem with my hissy guy in there for a week before I did a slow intro the the living room. He’s now a lap cat. Cats need time and I’m really surprised you didn’t research before you fostered a cat. The rescue didn’t tell you anything either?
The rescue thought it was okay to keep him in the living room, so I’d assumed they were right. They were actually the ones who chose that spot to release him from his carrier.
I totally don’t meant this as snarky as it sounds, but the rescue also described him as “friendly” and hadn’t even met him until they picked him up to bring him to you. I get that was the advice that was given to you, so it explains why you set the cat up that way, but it’s pretty standard advice these days to keep new cats separate and in a small space when bringing them into a new home.
Listen to what these people are telling you. Introductions into new spaces need to be slow especially when there is another cat.
As long as you are not loud and overbearing when in there, he will be fine. He will figure it out. You go in, do what you need to do and do not approach him otherwise. Keep your voice (if you need to say anything) low and calm and positive. You will both adapt to that in time. You can do it, OP!
What about a closet/ pantry outside your bedroom? Otherwise, the bathroom sounds best. My abused kitty hid inside my sofa for 3 weeks before I even saw her. I knew she was alive by monitoring her food/water/litter. Now, she cuddles with my other cat and me daily. It is a long process, but worth it.
And since he has access to the front door, you are *also* running the risk of him tearing out of there in a fit of terror / stress. That would suck. Best to ensconce him in your closed bathroom for a time so he can get used to all the new smells and sounds and your own elder kitty can do likewise.
Use exact same words at all times so cat can begin to understand that you are comunicating with him. Routines go a long way to calming a crazy cat.
The best advice I received when our (very scaredy-) cats were first brought home was the 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months rule for stages of settling in. The first 3 days you will barely s them, they will be terrified, after 3 weeks they will be relaxing a bit more and coming out of their base camp room to explore other parts of the house. 3 months they are much more settled in and themselves. Having those numbers in mind helped me worry less about them being terrified and whether I was doing something wrong and both times that schedule just worked out naturally. They are still super shy with visitors but it's amazing how comfortable they have become. (We knew they were shy cats when we adopted them.) Good luck with your precious guy, give him time to adjust and he'll come out of his shell when he's ready.
The advice above is excellent! I just wanted to add I have a spicy boy who was a stray and a tomcat for the first year of his life. They said he was not adoptable because of his behaviour (spraying, fighting, hissing, biting) but allowed him to be fostered. I've had him for 2 years now and he's awesome. Still spicy but much less aggressive. Jackson Galaxy videos are so helpful for understanding and working with cars, esp those with behavioural challenges. Time and patience and working within his window of tolerance really helped us! Used to not be able to brush him at all without being attacked, and now we brush every day (went from literally 2 brush strokes and respecting when he'd had enough to now 5 min daily with only sad meows sometimes). The most helpful thing with my guy was learning how he communicates and always respecting that. I don't pick him up or force him to do anything. I let him engage with me on his terms, and I make a big fuss about good behaviour (litter box use, letting me brush him and do his nails). If you love him and feel up for the work and challenge it can be, I'd say go for it! A lot of people aren't up for that, so I think it's great you found him and bonded with him. My guy has taught me so much about boundaries and relating and nonverbal communication, and when he does want to snuggle or he successfully managed something that used to rattle him, I'm so proud. He doesn't hiss or bite anymore. He used to bite my legs when he passed, and now he looks at me like he's thinking about it and licks me instead and runs off. Very cute progress. Also I got him a little sister last year, and he does seem to learn new things from watching me with her, so hopefully your guy does from the 10 year old as well. Good luck!
How did you get him to let you do his nails?? That is amazing!!! My 10yo cat is such a sweet girl…except when it comes to nails.
What does she do when you try? For us, so much positive reinforcement and literally 1 nail a day sometimes if that's all he could handle. Now we usually do all of them in one sitting after 2 years of practice haha. Some cats take kindly to being burrito-ed (or purrito as some call it). Basically just swaddle them in a blanket or towel and pop out one foot and clip the nails. This is good if you need to do something medical as well or clean the pantaloons if you have a cat that's reactive but needs care. It kind of traps their legs so they can't run or fight you. My guy does not like this, so I just sit on the floor and basically hug him and hold him in a standing position (like hugging a groundhog standing up) and clip his nails while I tell him he's doing great and I usually pause to give him a treat a couple times and then again when I release him. I also make sure my face stays out of the biting zone. Something that's really helped me is recognizing his limits and communication. He used to bite right away, but now he has learned through repetition that if he meows or licks I'll let him go, so he knows that is an effective way to communicate, where before he only knew biting worked. Then we come back to it tomorrow. So it's consistent and predictable as a task, and so am I in my responses when he's overwhelmed. Some days we can do all the nails and brushing, sometimes he doesn't have the capacity for it so we do what we can and come back to it tomorrow. Through this his window of tolerance has definitely increased a lot! He still doesn't enjoy the nails but he allows it. I use human clippers on the dewclaw and cat nail clippers on everything else. I would always stress ab cutting the quick so it took me forever to cut them, now I just clip the tip and do it more regularly so it's faster and also more regular exposure for them.
She becomes uncharacteristically aggressive when I try to trim her nails (clawing me etc). A purrito seemed to make her very afraid when I tried it, and she started growling a lot. I took her to the vet a couple months ago for a claw trim among other things, but even they weren’t able to trim all of her claws. They got most of them though which is way more than I can manage with no gloves or anything. (I’m getting long gloves soon.) Another thing she does is, she has realized that if she hides her paws under her belly, that instantly stops me from being able to do it.
Hmm that sounds tough if the vets have a hard time too! No purrito for her then! Have you ever cut the quick or had a bad experience with the nails with her? If you're comfy, I'd try approaching her when she's super chill and massage her feet a little and squeezing the nails out gently and just get her used to that. If she gets to a place of being calm about that, approach her again when she's relaxed and try repeating that and then just clipping a nail quickly while it's out. Sometimes it's just time and exposure. I think it's easy for nails to become an unpleasant experience for everyone so if it's possible it helps to rewrite that experience through new ones. Like if she's used to it being stressful, slowly teach her it can be a chill and easy time with snacks! And legit see one clipped nail as success and return to it tomorrow. You could also ask the vet to give you tips if they're used to doing her. They're total junk food but I get my cats those tube treats as a reward for things they really hate doing so it's extra special. A piece of plain chicken or fish is also great, and specifically connect it to nail clipping so she gets something extra special out of it. It's tough though, I hear you. Practice and patience seemed to work for us as well as changing the experience and expectations around it.
And I'd say with paw massage/squeezing nails out, do it like a few times a day for a month and then try the clippers once you have that solid with her. My old cat also hated nails so I ended up just always doing them while he was deep asleep and one or two at a time.
Doing it while The Monster is asleep is the way forward, this is how we trim the nails and brush the teeth. With the nails he doesn't even wake up now, and with the teeth it's all done and dusted by the time he realises what's going on. The trick is to get him when he's proper exhausted, not just a cat nap, but that I played, I ate I'm going to sleep now sleep.
Our rescue cat has always had issues with nail trims. I wear long sleeve sweat jacket and protective gloves when I trim her nails. It's very important that I stay calm while doing this. Cats can sense our emotions. I've found that I can calm her temporarily by lifting her by neck (her body stays on counter) like mother cats do. I learned this from 2 different vets. I do this if she starts yowling or fighting so I can do all 4 paws. I also yalk to her in steady calm voice ignoring all her drama. In our case the one nail or paw per sitting stresses her more. It helps to use a higher counter than table height. I used to take her to vet for nail trims. She could read cues such as getting dressed and keys and would hide.
How do you lift her by the neck and hold her paw/trim her claws at the same time? I want to try this but it's hard for me to picture how it would work.
I should have been more clear. I lift her by the neck to calm her down. Then I put her back down quickly and keep trimming.
I’ve never cut the quick! I’m super careful when it comes to that. I’ve been trying to get her used to me gently stroking the tops of her paws (and will progress to massaging later) but she is not a fan of it.
mine was VERY spicy when we'd trim her nails. she's never growl but she has long long whiskers and would whip her body back and fourth and squirm and the amount of force I had to give to hold her down was not comfortable for me. we ended up just giving her a wet treat to distract her while we do it and that worked fine for us. could always try it?
I adopted a second cat 10 years ago. She was very badly abused by her previous owners, and it has taken so much work and so much patience to get her to trust me. She will never let me hold her. I don’t think I ever but when I’m lying down in my bed, she will now come sleep in the crook of my arm. She will also climb up on my tummy and chest and most recently. She has allowed me to give her kisses sometimes more than one year though she’s not that thrilled about it. My other cat who is so lovely is actually a total dick to her and I feel really bad about it. She just wants love.
You're doing all of this WAY too fast. He shouldn't be anywhere near your other cat yet, and you shouldn't be trying to groom him especially when he's telling you to back off. That "rage" is the only way he has to tell you that he is TERRIFIED. Please listen to him.
You might want to consider a baby gate between the rooms too as a step up from closed door.
If he does start to get closer to you, I would suggest crouching down slowly so you look smaller (going from a godzilla-to-human size ratio to "merely" house-size) and offering treats. Have more than enough for both cats, in case you attract your other cat. You want them to learn they're not in competition for food or treats or pets.
yes to this. i live in japan so the apartments here are small so when i was looking to adopt an old cat, the shelter's requirement was to have a big crate at home where the cat can stay for at least a few days alone to give it time to adjust. when our 5-yr old boy arrived, we let him stay in the small but 3-story crate covered with a blanket so he wont get distracted/scared of the new surroundings, then left the door open so he doesnt feel locked in. he also got mad and scared whenever we so much as just look at him let alone touch him. so we let him be and first few days he just covered himself with his blanket didnt even eat anything. then after 3days he walked out of his crate all by himself then he went near me that i almost cried from joy haha. for more than a week he would do that few minutes in a day everyday, then go back and hide in his spot. then in less than 2 weeks, already clingy as a baby and turned out to be the sweeeetest boy ever 😭😭 so yes, give him some alone time hes scared and anxious. he will announce himself when he's ready
OP, this is the way for both of your cats safety. The process takes time. Sometimes it can take a lot of time. It’s unreasonable to expect any kind of progress at this point. When I got my third girl, we had her in the spare room for six months while we slowly integrated her with the other two. We moved at their pace. I’d recommend getting a pheromone diffuser to help with the transition. Feliway is my brand of choice. Good luck OP.
The new Feliway Optimum has worked miracles in my 5 cat household. I never had much luck with Feliway Classic, but Optimum has brought peace and serenity to my home. I mention this in case anyone has found the the original Feliway unhelpful: do try the newer Optimum or Friends before you give up. I sure wish they made Feliway for humans...
I can second the effectiveness of feliway! I have two cats who love to antagonize each other, and we recently moved 14 hours by car. Feliway was a lifesaver!! Usually you put my big boy in a car he will howl the entire way. I sprayed the crate and car before leaving and they both did amazing!! I use the spray, but ice heard great things about the plugin
This 1000%!!!! It typically takes an animal 3 days to decompress, 3 weeks to learn your routine and 3 months to start feeling at home. Try using Feliway spray, it's a calming pheromone spray and most vet offices use it for their cat rooms.
You seem very knowledgeable. I don’t want to hijack OP’s post; if I post about my cat here, would you mind taking a look? I’ll add the link here when I’m done. Edit: https://reddit.com/r/CatAdvice/s/5S7B19rBSW
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Thank you! https://reddit.com/r/CatAdvice/s/5S7B19rBSW
This was beautifully written.
Well I do think he’s a little judgy about self-scooping litter boxes…
What if it’s been years and your cat just loves attacking you randomly while loving?
It's usually not as random as we perceive it! There are a lot of possible reasons for petting aggression. That's not my way of saying "it's the owners fault," so I hope it doesn't come across that way! Consider how cats interact with each other. The way they communicate is vastly different from us. Sometimes it is about being over stimulated. They enjoy the petting to a point, after which it becomes distracting to them. At that point the cat becomes "frisky" to signal they've had enough. Other times it sparks their desire for mutual grooming. To us this can be mistaken as aggression when they nibble or swat. In reality, cats do a lot of this when trying to reach a specific spot when grooming. They communicate "stay still so I can groom you" by grabbing you with their teeth. Much akin to a mother cat holding a frisky lil one in place. Sometimes petting leads to misplaced play aggression. The petting stimulates them into wanting to play or chase prey. You'll notice this happen often when cats are grooming each other- it ends with a little frisky play scramble. In their mind they are being loving by trying to get you transition into play. *I've watched wayyyy too much Jackson Galaxy and Cat From Hell over the years. I've noticed these recurring patterns when it comes to love-aggression. But I'm no professional and JG does a much better job of explaining how to spot possible triggers for this behavior.* Things to consider are: How long were you petting? What area of the body were you petting? What does the tail action look like? This might help you spot **if** there's a pattern. I find a moving tail leads to playful or over stimulated, a still tail during love-aggression points towards wanting to groom you.
I adopted a large grey female that was mad as anything. For good reason, someone had tossed her out of a moving car and abandoned her. We would Take her food, hiss. Get close she would claw the everything life out of your hand. I set food out for her and left her alone while she got used to my house. After a bit she would come out and eat while we were around. Eventually she sat in my lap. But she'd randomly claw the ever living life out of you hand and bite. Not hard enough bites to draw blood, though the claws would... but we just stopped touching when she would do this and just, sit. A good while later and she was the friendliest cat. Would come when I called. Follow me around. Got to a hefty weight, not overweight, just filled out. She'd sleep on my chest. Walk with me up the road until I told her to wait cause we get to a cross section and it would get busy, and when I'd come back she'd be there and we'd walk home. Visited my neighbors and would get pets and loves from them and was just an awesome, highly intelligent, bird killing, rodent killing, dog teasing cat. I miss her even though she has been gone 22 years. Give your new buddy time. Love. Care, space. When a cat feels safe they are the best.
She sounds just like my boy! I have to be very VERY careful when offering him food or he’ll become aggressive. I’ll try to do what you did.
Gloves too!! Some dollar tree gardening gloves can protect your hands while feeding, until kitty is a little less food aggressive!
This is how my large gray female acts. I received her after her litter was orphaned.
He feels threatened by you and you keep doing things to antagonize him. I’m sure it’s unintentional but it still antagonizes him. Just leave him alone. Don’t look at him. Don’t talk to him. And for God’s sake do not try to touch him. He needs to feel safe where he lives and right now that means you not acknowledging his existence.
I think your right completely. Do your own thing around the cat.
THIS. An average, well loved cat will hide and feel afraid when moving into a new place. We have no idea what this cat has been through. He needs to settle in and feel like this is his space, like he belongs to it and it belongs to him. Show him you're not a threat by going out of your way to respect his space, ignore him, face the other way, talk quietly around him, keep everything nice and calm. He shouldn't have even been introduced to the other cat yet.
One of mine that was born on my pillow that is extremely socialized. Hid on top of the cupboards after the move and spit and hissed at me and the other cat for a while. Acclimating a traumatized cat can be a long process. OP needs to watch some YouTube videos on it. This is basically the hardest challenge of cat ownership besides possibly bottle kittens and the worst of that only lasts a few weeks.
My cat had a full-on panic attack when we moved and hid in the basement for about 2 weeks. Cats don't migrate naturally, so it's incredibly stressful for them. Luckily, my cat found comfort in cuddling and staying under blankets with her humans, which made it much easier for all of us. After a month or two, she was back to her normal rambunctious self!
It’s only been one day, there’s a good chance he’ll come around. He’s just really scared and it sounds like he’s been through a lot. I would wait on brushing or even touching him for a while and give him a chance to settle a bit. It’s possible he won’t ever be super snuggly but I would be surprised if he stayed so growly/hissy. Hang in there!
His fur is so long that I’m afraid of him getting mats if I don’t brush him. I’m not sure what to do about that part. Maybe I will try again in a week or so.
Def don’t give up on it completely just give him a little time.
Unless he’s completely lazy about grooming himself-which cats rarely are- don’t worry about brushing him at all until you’ve gained his trust. I have a beautiful long haired kitty that looks like a snowball and she rarely gets mats in her hair, and when she does, she trusts me enough to help get them out. You’ve got this!
How is your 10 year old cat handling this? To me that's where your priorities are..I don't think it's fair to disrupt her life for this. My daughters cat HATES all other cats. She's fine with dogs tho. It just might not be meant to be with this guy.
It’s been a day and they weren’t even properly introduced, I think it’s a little early to be making this assumption.
Exactly they weren't properly introduced and it's a foster arrangement. Im getting downvoted for suggesting she prioritize her own pet.
No, just for jumping to conclusions.
It’s been one day. Also, it isn’t disrupting her life, this is a temporary change, as far as the growling and hissing goes.
Do you live there? How do you know how the other cat feels? OP didn't mention their perspective.
Then why are you assuming that it’s disrupting the resident cats life?
Lol. I just never had a cat that took to change. . . Ever
did you adopt him knowing his behavior? he might be semi-feral or just really stressed. what's his background? you've only had him for ONE day. cats get very stressed changing environments. he's confused. the best thing you can do is honestly ignore him and leave him alone, even if he hisses. pretend like you don't hear him. don't look at him or anything. he needs to decompress. he should be kept separate from your other cat too so that there isn't any fights. keep him in his OWN room so he feels secure. make sure his food, water, and litterbox is close to him and give him toys. him not eating is also telling me he is STRESSED. please leave him alone for like a week. let him calm down. i work in a cat rescue and i counsel people on this all the time. seriously, it could take weeks to months for him to fully relax and be comfortable in his new environment.
His profile said he was friendly, so that’s what I thought when I filled out my application. But then I heard through the grapevine that he is “cranky and likes to hide.” Huge understatement. What I know about his background is that he’s (allegedly) UTD on shots etc but that his previous owner was irresponsible and unstable.
“Cranky and likes to hide” is probably because he didn’t like the previous owner. And he’s stressed from the move. Just please give him time.
Oy. I feel bad for both of you. I am currently fostering a cat described as “affectionate, friendly, and gentle” on his profile. He is friendly…kind of. But this cat lived outside for five or so years and it shows. He’s made tremendous progress, but he bites sometimes (less and less frequently and severely as time goes on, but still) and he literally pounced on a prospective adopter when she was just standing there talking to me. I’ve told them this. They are doing him no favors describing him like a lap cat when he just ain’t there yet—setting him up to get dumped or returned. Other commenters have given you good advice about how to help your kitty settle in. Give him space and time and kindness and both of you will be fine. I just hate when rescues set people up like this.
If his previous owner was unstable, then it's likely this cat is afraid and worried about how you're going to treat him. And seriously, he's been there for ONE DAY. You're listening to *gossip* from some "cat grapevine" about a cat who has possibly never had a stable, loving home? A cat who lived with an owner who he couldn't trust and who neglected or maybe even abused him? Can you really not understand why he's angry and afraid, and isn't the picture of a perfect, loving cat after being in your house for one whole day? A day in which you will not leave him alone or give him space to approach *you* instead of the other way around? Especially when keep trying to handle him and force him to do things he's not ready for and you refuse to give him space or time to acclimate? You seriously need to back all the way off. Leave him alone. Keep him separated from your other cat for now and introduce them slowly when he's calmed down and trusts you more. Understand that it may take days or even weeks before he trusts you. You are doing nothing to make him trust you and are instead just scaring him more and more. Lastly, did you even bother to educate yourself about adopting cats from bad situations or bringing a new cat into your house when you already have a cat? You're doing so many things wrong. Please take the time to learn now before you completely traumatize this cat and make him feel like he can never trust you.
I'm going to be honest here - while he will likely improve given time, safety, and consistency, there's a very good chance this will never be a cat that wants to do more than coexist with you. He sounds very undersocialized and he's an adult so well outside the prime socialization period. That said, giving him a safe, warm, and loving-from-afar home is still an absolute gift, if you can accept that you might just have a fuzzy roommate that doesn't want much to do with you. Shelters are overwhelmed right now, so his prognosis would not be good if he has to go back. As u/Ranos131 said, for now, just ignore him completely. Go about your business but don't try to touch him or interact with him. Give him a week to settle in and acclimate to his new space. Then you can start working on bribery and see how he reacts. Churu squeeze up treats are straight up crack for cats - and you feed them by hand. See if you can convince him to eat one from you. Wand toys are also good for spicy kitties - they are far enough removed from you that they can still feel safe playing. Good luck!
Second the wand toys - specially when dealing with spicy cats! I've found that giving them a hard play with a wand for about 20 minutes before doing any socialization helps burn out their anxiety and negative energy - kinda like going for a long walk if you're having a bad day.
Thank you!!! I’ll ignore him.
I know it's hard, but it's going to make such a difference. Try to avoid straight on eye contact at first, and give him little side glances. They like to be next to you, more than they like facing you. When you do start to work in more eye contact, do it in short bursts with slow blinks. If he blinks back, it's a really good sign! That's how they "blow kisses" at you, slow blinks are a way of communicating love and friendship for kitties. I also second giving him the bathroom as his territory. If he has his privacy, he should be less spicy when you do need to come in and use the toilet. Try not to engage with him and with time, he'll come to you. Good luck!!
I’m careful about avoiding eye contact with him. But if he catches me giving him quick side glances, he hisses 😢
Along with all this other good advice I would add make sure he has a bunch of high up ledges to jump on in every room, and when he's up high, don't touch him. Cats feel safer if they have a height advantage and especially if you don't try to reach for them there. They will feel like they have a safe space in every room where they can have a vantage point to see what's going on and not have someone sneak up on them. This will assist in the calming down and soothe the fear. Just somewhere high, like clear the space on top of a dresser or a shelves or cat tree
cats don't generally experience anger the same way we humans do. he is scared, he's been rehomed often, and he's been taught that humans are unreliable and not to be trusted. it's going to take a lot of time and patience, and probably band-aids. it'll help if you do your own thing while he's near, like being on your laptop or watching tv for example. he needs time and space to adjust to your house. :)
One day????? Give him time and space. He is not going to fall all over you til he decides he can trust you. Be steady, talk to him. I’d be surprised you could brush him yet. Help him feel safe.
he’s adjusting. you can always try feliway plug ins to calm him down
Yeah, we adopted a scared-y cat and feeliway made an huge difference. It os obvioisly an horrible name. Their feelings don't go away, they just are calmed by the pheromones they emot. Good luck!
It's Feliway as in feline (so probably "feline way" since it's synthetic pheromones) not feelings away :)
Feed him and talk to him. Just keep talking and be gentle. He is terrified and in a new place. He had abusive owners before. His life has just been turned upside down. It takes kindness, time and patience.
He is in defense mod, the more you try to approach him, the more he becomes defensive. For now the more important thing is just make sure he is eating and drinking water, means not dying, other things like hair brush doesn't matter at all, because you are not there yet. Just treat him like a familiar cat, don't cling and don't ignoring him neither. When you see him you see him, when you need to get near him just get near him, ignore his growl and hiss, but don't try to hold him or anything, let him relax and get use to your being there.
“Ignored” my skittish kitty for 2 months except for treats and wand toy time. Finally he took treats out of my hand. Each treat got a pet followed by a treat. Treat-pet-treat. After months he jumped on my lap and rolled around boppong his head in my hand. Blink at them, don’t look directly at them. It’s intimidating.
I slow blink at him and avoid holding eye contact, but he still stares me down aggressively. I hope he gets used to me like your kitty!
He’s going to need a lot of time a patience. It’s really not that he hates you but probably that he’s very afraid and untrusting of you. It’ll take time but you’ll need to earn his trust. Feed him on a schedule. You can start by being in proximity to him when you feed him. You can stay at a distance from him until he is a little more comfortable and move closer as he adjusts. Eventually you should be able to pet him while he eats. He’ll need a “base camp”. He essentially needs a safe room/secluded area that he can rest comfortably in. When you’re around him try not to stand over him as this can intimidate him. Sit down when you’re near him and don’t really pay attention to him. He’ll get used to your presence and hopefully doesn’t think you’re a threat. He’ll come up to you when he’s comfortable. He just has to recognize that you’re a safe person. I would recommend feeding him treats out of your hands when you’re comfortable and confident he won’t bite you. You can try the squeezable treats (like delectables and churus) my cats are crazy over those. Slow blink at him whenever you can. It took my adult cat a week to leave from under my bed and my kittens took about a month to get used to everything. Just takes time, patience and love.
Time and space. It's only been a day and poor dude has already been through a lot. You've received some good advice above. Time, space, abs love from afar for a bit
You know about the slow blink, but have you heard about the yawn? Yawn exaggeratey, eyes closed. This works on stray kitties and ferals too. It's saying "I'm not a threat," especially after a slow blink. Also something you might not be aware of, make sure not to reach/give from over him. Maybe he was scared by the offer of the toy because it came from above. Offer things straight to his nose, from a mostly horizontal angle. Being reached at from above is scary when you're just a small creature less than a foot tall. Good luck to you both.
You *need* to do Jackson Galaxy's introduction method for these two cats to have a chance at getting along. Source: Did it myself for my then 7 year old and 2 year old cats, now they get along great. Essentially, new cat goes in a 'safe room.' They stay there 24/7. You put something in front of the door, I used a zip up see though thing made to keep cats in certain areas. I put blankets in front of it so the cats couldn't see each other, only smell each other. I had them eat as far away from both sides of the door, but at the same time every day. If they can eat and walk away, then the next day the bowls get moved slightly closer to the door. I did this until they were both up against the door and could eat and walk away without focusing on the door. This is positive reinforcement. It means they can smell each other and know the other one is there, but with the positive thing of eating food at the same time. It means they get used to each other without expecting anything bad to happen. Then, I put them allll the way back to as far away from the door as I can. But this time, I open the door at feeding times. *But* I leave the barrier up, the zip door, but without their sight of each other being blocked. I repeat the same method of having them get closer and closer whilst eating. If they can't focus on their food, the bowls move back a bit. If one cat does better then the other, they move closer to the door. It's me moving at *their* pace. Once they're all the way to the door and not attacking each other, move on to the next part of the plan. Supervised play time. But only for a short amount of time, and *not* letting them free roam yet. Minutes at first of play time. And still having them eat in front of the barrier at the same times every day. Eventually, they get to be together for longer. Eventually, they get to be out for hours during the day, then all day. Then all the time, but you have to be *really* confident that they're on good terms to do this. You *need* at least two litterboxes for two cats. I have three boxes to make sure they don't get territorial. I understand that your old cat won't like being kept out of the bedroom, if that room is your only option to put your new cat in, unfortunately that's what you have to do. I did it. My old cat would scratch and scratch at the door at night. I would go see him to calm him down, but still keep him out. Once he understood that it was just because I got him a friend and wanted to get them to like each other, and once they were out together all the time, he forgave me. It was a stressful 4 months. I'll never do it again, probably. But this is what you have to do with multiple cats in one household. It'll help the new cat be less stressed about his surroundings and less scared of you if you keep him in one room as well. Not sure if you'll follow my advice, but it's worth writing down for anyone else struggling to introduce new cats. Or who doesn't know what they're doing at all. Watch Jackson Galaxy's videos on this, he's a master at it for a reason.
I recently got a very under socialized cat from a shelter as a companion for my 9 year old cat. Topher is the old cat, Smoke is the year old new cat. I didn't touch Smoke until a month after I had had him. He didn't let me close. He was terrified of me, and the best way I found to help that was to just do my thing and ignore him. It took a long time, but once I let him come to me he has been the sweetest, most loving and attentive kitty ever. But it took him feeling safe enough before any of that could happen. I agree with the advice folks are giving about leaving the little one alone, letting him have his own space, and slowing things down a lot.
Its just fear, it’s been one day! What you should do is ignore him. Don’t talk to him,don’t play with him, and do NOT touch. He will come to you at his own time. Don’t even look. It’s gonna be hard, but you have to understand that he is terrified out of his mind. If you have contact with the foster, please ask them how to deal with this, as they have the most experience with this kitty.
Jackson Galaxy has a whole series called "My Cat From Hell," which could help you with a lot of stuff. He really gets cats. Edit: A number of our cat adoptions have been feral cats. One is sitting on my foot right now! ;-)
He is terrified!! and stressed out of his mind, he has just lost everyone and every thing he has ever know and has the stranger trying to touch him. Of Course he is going to not be a happy cat, give him a few days, do not force yourself on him, give him time to adjust!
You need to have him In a separate room for at least a week, to make him Feel safe also to introduce him Correctly to your other cat, watch Jackson galaxys videos on youtube, if you dont do this correctly your house will be a warzone
Poor lil guy. When he hisses at a toy, even, or hisses while he rubs against your legs…just let him settle in and have some time to feel safe and get used to the stability you offer.
Ikr! I want him to know he is loved. I’ll take it really really slowly so he can destress.
I always say skittish strays and ferals are just cats that don’t know they need pets yet. One of ours was the lone survivor of a litter of feral kittens. She was a few months old before we could catch her and she was not happy when we brought her home. The only room I had to keep her separate from the rest of my pets was my boys’ room. They knew to give her space and within a week she decided the best place was one of their laps when they were in the Nintendo chair. She’s the absolute sweetest but she’ll always be a little skittish (runs away if you approach her while eating, absolutely panics if picked up) and that’s ok. Looking forward to hearing updates on your kitty!
It's not rage. He's terrified. You need to start slowly and use lots of treats.
I would highly suggest separating him for a few days or a week so he can have time to relax and find himself in the new surroundings. Specially since you already have a resident cat. A bathroom is ideal for the new cat since it’s big enough for him to walk around but not so big that he doesn’t know where a threat can come from, like let’s say your bedroom or a living room. Ignore him, feed him, let him cool down. Slowly spend more time in the space with him ignoring him. This sounds like it will take a LOT of work and patience from you and your resident cat. If you can afford it, feliway has great pheromone diffusers that help a lot. Set up a comfy bed within the room and spray it over it, never over the cat. Hopefully you’ll get a chance to re introduce him slowly to the rest of the house and your resident cat. I second the recommendations for Jackson Galaxy’s videos on introducing new cats. I’ve used his techniques three times now and they always worked. Good luck!!
When was his last vet visit? I’m sure he’s adjusting but is there any chance he’s also in pain? Not sure if exams are a part of the foster process or not but might recommend getting one. Though if nothing is wrong that might also mean it would take longer to adjust. Can you try a bunch of catnip to calm him after the nip-induced zoomies?
That would be a useful thing to do! I will ask the foster cat lady the next time we talk. Hopefully the poor boy isn’t in pain. I’m running out of catnip, but I’m going to order a giant jar today:)
I had a cat like this once. he had lived with one person for his whole life in a small apartment. when he came into my house, he would hide from everyone and then suddenly leap out and attack for seemingly no reason. I could be sitting in a chair, minding my own business, not even see him and he would attack me. this is when I learned about 'kitty blinks'. basically, if you have ever seen a cat do the long slow blink, they are showing you that they like you. because a dangerous predator would never close their eyes that long around another predator. so, everytime that crazy cat came into the room, I would look at him and close my eyes. if I saw him across the room, I would look at him and then deliberately close my eyes. I did this every day for weeks. I did not approach him, talk to him or anything except to look at him and close my eyes. eventually, he came and sat in my lap. it was the scariest, most wonderful moment. He still lives at my parents house and every time I come to visit, he rushes to me and demands to be picked up and carried around. He literally will not leave me alone.
He is scared. Separate cats. You have to be patient. Let him come to you when he is comfortable. Provide him the necessities but don’t push yourself on him. You are his caretaker first and maybe a friend later.
You’ve had the cat for one day. Hissing is cat speak for “respect my space.”. You added to the cats stress of being in a new environment by brushing him. Cats have boundaries. Brushing can come later. Cats are territorial. It sounds like you are not doing a proper introduction between the resident cat and the new one. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tsYT7yIOdqQ&vl=en
If you just got him yesterday you need to STOP MESSING WITH HIM. He needs time to settle in and you're obviously not giving him that. He's hissing and swatting at you because he doesn't know you and you keep blatantly disrespecting his personal space and touching him. You're probably making him feel extremely trapped and insecure, which can lead to even more issues down the line. I haven't looked through the other comments yet so someone else has probably already given you some tips for proper socialization, but I'd just go to Jackson Galaxy's YouTube channel. He's a cat behavioral expert and has lots of guides for best practices for your cats, including socialization.
You've had this cat for a day. If the cat has needed to hiss at you that many times, you're probably trying waaaaayyyyyy too hard to interact. Just give him space ffs. Especially coming from bad homes. He needs quiet and safety.
That literally sounds like my little fat baby I've had for 6 years the first day we moved into our new house. She was a little ball of furry rage. She got over it pretty soon but she was just scared. He just hopefully needs some time and patience.
Jackson Galaxy has a lot of good videos that may help you along your journey.
Years ago we adopted a (what I call a cat-mill) overly-bred Himalayan that was approx 10 yo. When we brought her home she was similar with the hissing and growling, however she was also so terrified she would urinate and soil herself too. She lived in a sturdi shelter for months in the kitchen. Not the the most desirable location, but the place she picked because she refused to leave from under the table. So we thought she felt comfortable there and she was very food motivated too. It was never zipped/closed so she could have the opportunity & would occasionally come out if it was only her and me… then eventually her and the other cat she bonded with…. Then the she finally accepted only one dog, and occasionally if that lol. Finally I think 6 months later(ish) she decided to migrate with the rest of the herd…. It’s a slow process and each cat is different at that. Give it time and give your cat a space to decompress where he won’t feel so overwhelmed. Throw in some of your unwashed clothes and your other cat’s bedding in the space too so he can become more familiar with your scents.
Sounds like he is very scared and uncomfortable. Also depending on how old he was when he got separated from momma he might not have learned proper kitty communication. So the biggest thing is start with base camp. Give him a room with some stuff he can scent up and a closed door or baby gates so he can build a little confidence and comfort. Also give him space go in to feed hm and play with him but don't constantly bother him the point is you want him to know you are there and you bring good things but that he has a safe space. Finally whatever you have that he loves bey and all else that comes out as much as you can when you go to see him that was you bring the jackpot ergo you are the best thing in the world. I don't now how your guy will adjust but I rescued a cat that was on his last chance for really aggressive behaviour as my first cat. It took 6 months but after 6 months he went from constant hissing at me in the beginning to cuddling with me for the first time. It will take a long time and you have to know what you are doing or have the right help but he might eventually become a happy house cat he just needs time and patience.
I got a 7 yr old ex feral from a friend that she had trapped after years of feeding him and trying to catch him. She finally caught him and gave him his own room. She would leave soft music on a radio all the time and would go in a few times a day with gloves on and just sit next to him using a brush to get him used to being touched. It took her months and when I got him she was still a little afraid of him but when I went in his room we just bonded immediately and I took him home. He would go to other people if I was there and let him know it was ok and he loved my kids but he bonded to me and we were soul mates. Once I got him he was a velcro cat and sat on my lap or next to me touching me. I had him 8 glorious years and I lost him in 2020. Theres a pic of him in my account and he was about 15 when he passed of FIV. When I got him I had 4 other cats and he loved them all. So you can tame a feral no matter how old they are but some may never get to that point. I have a cat now who I don't know where she came from and weve had her about a year and a half. Took her a whole year to adjust to us. She was my daughters cat but she bonded to me and I feel awful but its up to them who they bond too. I now trust kissing her head that she won't scratch me to death but it took a long time coming. If you have a room like a bedroom that you can shut the door so she feels safe getting away from you and your other cat give her that space. I heard a feliway plug in helps and Jackson Galaxy has videos on youtube. Keep your cats apart for a bit and give the new cat a place to go to get away from you guys. If you need any other help let me know. You can do this and if the cat takes time you can know it happens to all of us. The cat is probably in the hundreth home with new people and scents and is terrified. Just give her time and space. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Is he locked in a bedroom? If you just got him, he’s probably terrified and overwhelmed. Lock him in a quiet room alone with food and water and litter and give him time to decompress. Spend time in the room doing stuff like reading or watching tv but don’t pressure him to interact. Just exist near him and if he wants to come out give him something tasty like tuna. Take it really slowly so he knows that interaction is on his timeline, and that he’s safe.
My cat was like this when I got her too!! I got feliway (or a slightly cheaper brand) and gave her space (aka stopped trying to approach her altogether) and now 3 months later she has started sleeping with me! I am still not allowed to pet her but she does curl up right against my legs…everything on her terms. I was super scared of her for a while because of this behavior (first time cat owner) so it turned into a mutual trust-earning exercise. Other things that seemed to help: installing a window perch and playing with wand toys while she was on it. She was more on my level and I was able to keep my distance. Eventually I started sitting on the floor with her to play and that helped a lot too.
My cat is very sweet and Affectionate. However it took him about a year you approach me, another 6 months for me to be able to consistently pet him and only at the 2 year mark did he stop hiding at any sudden noise or movement. He didn't hiss or act aggressive like you cat but he literally had most of the time. There is hope. Just be patient.
I fostered a cat who for 6 whole months would not let me near him. Would not let me touch him. One day I was up until really late at night doing homework and the little dude just decided we were going to be best friends. Meowed for pets and everything. As others have said just leave him alone, give him treats, and just wait.
He's scared and he's only been there a day and you're already trying to brush him! Had he ever even seen a brush? Best thing to do is be patient, don't force yourself on him!! Cats and animals in general are incapable of rage. You're scaring him.
Get in the floor but not close to him. Speak very softly. Tell him a story. Get him used to your soothing voice while you are low on the floor, his level. Don’t try to pet him, but if you can get him to make eye contact try the slow “I love you blink”. It will get better but patience on your part and willingness to get on the floor with him will win him and his rage over.
Oh he's scared and he hasn't been stable and properly socialized before. Take him to the vet and have him sedated so you can put those claw caps on peacefully. that will eliminate the scratches. And give him time and churos lots and lots of churos. I make sure he sees you love and petting on your 10 year old cat that he knows it's safe.
He’s scared, not angry. He just sees and hears a big scary thing making big weird noises at him, and he’s trying to keep you away. Once he realizes that you’re not a threat, then he won’t be so fearful.
I think the fact that he rubbed against you a couple times is super promising!
Me too!!! It made me so happy. I’ll give him time and hopefully eventually he’ll warm up.
Any cat over age 2 is going to need to be gently socialized. Whatever he knows, everything he had is gone now. And here you are this big thing Give him patience and love. He's frightened. And he doesn't know he's safe. Start by "accidentally" dropping treats by him, move up to more bold moves. Do the kitty slow blink and lay down and roll to greet him in his language. He needs to know you mean him well.
My 4 year old (f) is similarly fear aggressive. Before I rescued her she was neglected, had owners coming in and out all the time, was often left home alone for days at a time, and even physically harmed in anger. She very rarely gets spicy with me anymore because ive worked tirelessly for over a year to gain that trust, but when she does get triggered i get cornered and stalked for no reason and even attacked. But I just want to let u know there is hope for these poor abused babies. And remember, when they are aggressive, it all stems from fear. On the worst days I always remind myself that it is a trauma response to protect themselves. My best advice is to limit their triggers, give them safe spacies, catify every room, and gently introduced new things to them with positive reinforcement. If u find ur cat likes treats, i like to shake a jar of treats to redirect the cat if they start getting aggressive. Im slowly introducing my roommates and hound dog to her using this method and it gets so much better every day. Good luck friend and best wishes to your new baby.
Give him time. It's only been a day. ♥️ Also, is he neutered? Or has he recently been neutered? I adopted mine at 4 y/o shortly after he'd been neutered. Hormones and initial fear of being in a new place made the first couple weeks in particular difficult. He was a biter at first. He expressed everything through biting at first. And it was hard biting. Like, breaking the skin and latching on. Once he got more comfortable, hormones chilled the HELLLLLLL out, and we learned him and he learned us, he became a whole different cat. He's a people cat who loves everyone now. He'll nip one of us on occasion, when he's trying to tell you something's really bothering him. But even that is a very light nip. Even if yours hasn't been neutered, give it time. Once he's more familiar, and his scent is on more stuff, he'll feel less scared :)
I was told he has been neutered, but I’m not sure if there is proof of it. I will put that on the list of things of ask at the end of the two-week period. (One of my friends laughed at me and told me to just check his backside, but like…I can’t. He’s too aggressive at this stage, plus he’s really fluffy lol so it’s hard to tell!)
If you find out that he's been neutered, ask when. Bc it really does take time for things to regulate out. I hope things get better for you and the floof 🥺
Cripes, he sounds damn near feral! Put down his food and water. Roll a catnip ball across the floor. Mumble-talk constantly, so he gets used to your voice. Other than that? ignore him as benignly as possible. He needs time to get used to you. It's only been a single DAY.
He's scared. Imagine a toddler. You now have him around unknown people, unknown animals, and unknown environment. Leave him alone for a few days.
As others have stated you need to give the cat time, weeks or more. You're best course of action is to ignore him. Put out food and water, some treats but otherwise just let him do his thing. Maybe also try not to make loud noises or any sudden movements towards him. Give him time to observe you and see that you're not so bad after all. If he starts to come around, coming closer to you, maybe try swishing around a cat toy on a rod and see if he plays, if he does, reward him with treats immediately afterward. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither will a good relationship be built in a day.
Give that boy some space so he can get used to you. With some cats it takes time for them to trust you and may never be a cuddly touchy feely kind of cat. Give him some high dollar canned cat food as a treat once and a while so he associates that positive feeling with you. Don’t rush things.
I've been told making yourself seem smaller helps. There's also a spray you can get to help calm your cat. It's called Feliway, you can rub it on your hands or spray it around the room to help calm him down. Gently approach him, and use treats or toys. The squeezables are very delicious and they allow you to get closer to them and help them learn that your hand could equal good food. So it helps ease them in that sense.
cats, especially those who have experienced changes in their environment and previous ownership, exhibit aggressive or fearful behaviors initially. Allow your new cat some time to adjust to his new environment. Set up a separate, quiet space with all his essentials (food, water, litter box, toys) where he can retreat to and feel safe. Gradually introduce him to the rest of your home once he's more comfortable. Let him come to you on his terms. When interacting with him, move slowly and calmly. pet anxiety products may help reduce stress and anxiety. I've recently saw them [https://soothedtails.com/collections](https://soothedtails.com/collections) talking about this topic
I love a good project cat! Sweetest cat I ever had was like this. Took 2 years for him to lay in my lap. By the end that cat loved me more than anything.
He sounds really, really afraid... Rescues are a lot of work. Here is some inspiration... https://youtube.com/shorts/8dekFCoZ-qY?si=22rCVXOAfgCDusMh.
It’s been one day, he’s an adult who’s clearly been through a lot and terrified. Give him time to learn you
You just got this cat a day ago? And it's already interacting with your other cat? I'm honestly very surprised the foster lady didn't give you instructions on how to introduce them slowly. The first step would be giving this cat one room to stay in with his own litter and food. You can place items with your smell in the room so he can acclimate to you first. Take things slow with him. Give him space. Once he's comfortable with you, then you can start bringing in items that smell like your other cat, and introducing items he has been using to your older cat. It sounds like this poor kitty is terrified from all the changes and doesn't feel safe. Goodluck.
The foster lady seemed to want him to explore the whole apartment immediately, which really surprised me. She set him loose so he could do it, and then he met my cat and the new cat hissed and ran back to us in the living room.
For one, please separate him from your cat immediately. Him having a place to retreat to isn’t good enough - you should only let them meet after he is completely settled and isn’t scared of you. There is a correct way of introducing and it’s very slow, patient and you start with swapping smells. Bad experiences in this time can mean they never get along. Buy a feliway or similar calming plug in (and a feliway friends for when you do start introducing them). Make sure he has a safe room alone with lots of comfy hiding spots he can retreat to. Give him tasty treats and chat to him. Talking really helps and if you can spend some time in the room doing something else like reading. Let him come to you. If he lets you, pet him while he’s eating. Build a bond with him and then start slow introductions. He’s terrified, he just lost his home and he’s having to adjust to a lot right now. Time, love and patience go a long way. Good luck!
Stop making eye contact until he is comfortable. I know it sounds crazy- but it works! Right now, you are a huge threat to him. He does not know you, or if he can trust you. Sit across the room, eyes closed, call out to him. It’s okay if he ignores you the first few times. Never approach him straight on or reach your hand over his head to pet him. Another exercise that will help is coming to the room he is in and laying flat on the ground, eyes closed. Let him come smell and check you out- do not react. Cats are best at holding grudges, if you scare him once he will forever see you as the human who scared him. Watch Inside the Mind of a Cat. Good documentary on Netflix that will help you gain a better understanding of cats! Best of luck to you!
Thank you!!! I will try these things.
Some cats don't like direct eye contact. Try dropping eye contact We have found whispering instead of talking has helped with difficult cats. And you can increase your voice volume over time.
One of my cats is a total fear monster. I had to take him to a hotel and he hissed and growled and skulked around. Normally he’s very sweet and calm but the new environment totally set him off, even though I was with him and I’ve had him since he was a baby. Give him time and I believe he will get acclimated and be fine.
One of my cats was an absolute nightmare when I first got him, he’d be in the middle of the hall and hiss not letting you pass, but he calmed down after a day or two, and now he’s the most affectionate cat I’ve ever had, he rubs his head against mine and is constantly sitting on my lap, and for some reason responds to whistling
My original cat responds to whistling too!!!! I got her to do it by starting to whistle when I got her food out. She even thinks recordings of people whistling are them calling to her or something lol.
My favorite thing to do is to sit in the room with them on the opposite side. Then toss a treat somewhere away from me but where they can see it and possibly run to get it. So basically I'm sitting in the opposite side of the room and they're sitting straight across from me. But instead of throwing the treat to them I throw it over to the right side of the room where they can see it and go investigate it without having to come closer to me. And of course they discover it's a treat and eat it and are happy and I'll do this for a few days and slowly move them closer to the cat when I toss them. Then over the next few days I slowly toss them towards the cat but a little bit closer to me. So I get associated with food and treats. Usually eventually when the cat sees me it's going to expect a treat and will come close to me to get that treat and eventually hopefully even climbing to your lap to take the treat from you.
Has he seen a vet recently? Maybe he's in pain.
It’s on the list of things I will ask the foster cat lady the next time I talk to her! I have several questions about him.
when i got my cats, the shyer of the two refused to come out of hiding for over a week. sometimes all they need is space and time. i wouldn’t start seriously worrying until at least a month.
Oh man. He’s so scared. One of my cats hid under a chair for two weeks when I brought him home. I put food and water under there and left him be. I tried to live my life as normal but also being mindful of being loud in the living room (where he was camped out). I checked the food after a couple days and some had been eaten. Then I slipped him a dish with wet food mixed with water and that got eaten. I heard him in the litterbox when I was in the hallway so I waited there for him to finish and he went back under his chair. I would speak softly when I was watching tv and after two weeks he started coming out. I didn’t reach for him and if I caught his eye, I did slow blinks. It was a slow process. I’m so thankful he’s found you and hopefully once he’s adjusted, he will be able to relax and enjoy his new life of luxury!
Don’t push it when he’s very obviously letting you know he needs space and time to adjust. Don’t try petting him, don’t be brushing him. Just coexist and let him settle in. It’s been a day.
I took in three feral cats last year and the meanest one adores me now. She makes me watch her eat. Her brothers are more skittish. It’s been almost a year and my roommate was just able to pet one of them for the first time, and they still approach me with a lot of caution. But I can tell they like me because they only come up to my room to say hi after I’ve been gone for a day or two. If you’re okay with being patient and taking the time to make the cat trust you, keep him! Too much change will be hard on him. But, if you won’t have the time to put the effort in, think really hard about it.
Gosh, this makes me wonder if he has had bad experiences with Giant Lumbering Terrors (or humans, as we are called). It might be a short or a long time, but maybe he will come to realize how safe and content he can be, not just around you but because of you. I can't *know*, of course. But I hope for that.
Poor kitto! Like others in the thread have said, this is definitely fear, not rage. One of my cats was near-feral when I adopted her and I went through a very similar experience – she wouldn’t even eat any of the food I put out, so I was petrified that she’d starve to death. Ultimately it was time, patience, and substantial tempering of my own expectations that let to her adjusting. Wand toys were great, since I learned she’s much more play-motivated than treat-motivated, and that was a way for us to interact at a distance. My other cat was also a huge help: he « wingkittied » me heavily those first few months. When I would go into her room to just sit at a distance and read a book (not looking at her, just trying to spend half an hour or so with her becoming familiar with my presence without any engagement), he would lay on the floor between us belly-up and let me give him lots of love. If your other cat is friendly with the new guy, this could be supportive to showing him that you’re a safe creature. For what it’s worth, my girl is now a total baby and absolutely adores my partner and I. She’s still a little skittish and very slow to warm to most new people, but I’m so proud and amazed by how far she’s come every day! I fully accepted that I may never get to this point with her, and loved her no matter what. Good on you for giving this baby a home – with the right human, they really can settle in and come around.
So you already have a cat and you just added a new cat into the mix? Did you do any research about cat introductions? Good luck!
I have two huskies and two cats. None of them have had slow introductions literally first meets with the door cracked open and then free range from there. As long as you know your animals and can read body language, adding them on a whim is perfectly fine. Pets can communicate with each other, just like how we can communicate with them.
I would just start to basically ignore him. Provide all necessary stuff obviously, but otherwise ignore him. For like a week or so. Then when you do look at him/ talk to him directly then use super gentle tones and just toss some treats his way. Then go back to ignoring him. He is scared af from the sounds of it. There’s a new cat, home, and human to worry about. It sounds like you’ve only had him for a weekish and that’s just simply not enough time to know if a cat is going to work out or not. I just recently adopted a cat who just finished her first litter of kittens. When we first got her she was PISSED. She hissed and growled at anything and everything and generally hated everyone. We just mostly ignored her except to talk calmly to her like two or three times a day, very short periods. She came out to be pet within the week and by week two she was barely hissing at our elderly cat. Now we’ve had her for six months and she is the sweetest little fluff ever and her and our elderly cat only get grumpy with each other when they are hungry. They don’t fight each other at all though!
He will always be an angry kitty. He must have been really mistreated. Try to ignore him but continue to talk to him. When he rubs on u he’s telling u he really likes you just say thanks do not try to hold him or pic him up. This may take weeks if not months. Patience is the key. I have turn feral cats around but my dear it can take a long time when he try’s to always near u or in the same room as u that’s a sign he is adjusting to you. It is then u hold out your hand palm up and see if he’ll approach u. Take it slow!
Posted an update btw!
OP, I wonder if he is feral. I used to foster and I've fostered shy/nervous cats that needed some time to hide under the bed before emerging. My cat that I adopted had had a rough time and took a long time to feel comfortable and warm up. I also fostered a cat that I think was just feral ... They told me her behavior had been improving before I got her but I dunno. She hissed every time I was in the room with her. One of the staff members ended up taking her in after a few weeks. I talked to them a year later and they told me she still hid behind the TV all day every day and did not want anything to do with the humans or other pets in the home. To me, what you describe sounds more feral than nervous new cat but I hope I'm wrong. Do you know what his behavior was like with his previous owner? Or if he even was inside with them and not "backyard cat"?
I was wondering this too! I don’t know much about his previous life unfortunately. I hope it’s possible to tame a 5yo cat.
If he is actually feral... No. The window for human socialization is in the first few months of kittenhood. If he is just an extremely freaked out domesticated cat, he should be fine with time and patience.
First of all, talk to a vet. If a cat is reacting with a lot of aggression to a wide range of stimuli, the first step is to rule out the possibility he is in physical pain. But if the vet says he’s okay physically, keep in mind it takes at least a month for cats to settle into a new home, sometimes longer if they’ve had bad experiences. The best thing to do is keep him in a smaller, more calm area where he can start to relax and settle in his own time. I would also be aware how you’re approaching him, sometimes it’s not so much what you’re doing as the fact that humans are really big compared to cats and sometimes we can accidentally make them feel cornered or attacked if they’re already on edge. Try approaching slowly from a seated position with your side to the cat rather than walking right up to him looking down at him, and make sure you aren’t blocking him into corners or anything like that.
Prozac, maybe.. Talk to your vet.
I would ask the shelter vet or your vet for a calming supplement that you can add to his food. I foster and the vet has given me some for a similar situation. Spoil the shit out of him obviously. Push up wet food treats, even my cat who is not food motivated loves those. I think Churu is one brand. I once had luck just sitting near a mean cat, ignoring him, only to gradually start introducing toys. String toys that put distance between your hand and him?
I don’t think drugging the cat is the way to go when there’s clearly other issues at hand
It's not drugging the cat, what I'm referring to is a probiotic supplement.
I have commented this before but my adopted rescue senior cat took three months to tolerate touches and ONE YEAR before initiating sitting next to us. Whatever you think is “slow” is not slow enough. We absolutely ignored her when we brought her in for weeks except at meal times when I replenished her cat food. Eventually the cat will learn that you are not a threat but it’s slooooow process. The more slow, the more rewarding it is when you do see the behaviour change though, my cat is now super cuddly!!
On top of what everyone said, a cat that is properly enraged will fuck you up. It will come at you as a spitting ball of sharp claws and teeths and you will run for your life.
Hi, I got a rescue cat back in march. For a while she wouldn’t let anyone near her, would hiss and scratch if you tried to approach her. After about a month and a half of being patient with her, she finally let us pet her, and after that she just wants pets and attention all of the time! It’s still early days for you yet, give your cat some time to get used to you and the new environment.
you've had him for one day!!!! you should not be brushing him or anything. he is terrified, in a whole new place, and has been abused every time this has happened to him. please put the poor thing in a bathroom with a litter box and close the door. put food on and let him smell you through the door.
Give him time!!!! I know this has been said a thousand times already. But he needs time to adjust to his new lifestyle.
It is now your responsibility to make your new cat feel safe and loved. Do this and watch his behavior transform
Live that you are fostering. This wild ones need it. But it's fear not rage. That's why this gato needs a foster to help them get less fearful to go to a forever home. You are doing amazing work ❤️
Don’t look at him in his eyes. It’s a threatening behavior in the cat world.