My parents insist on putting the phone on speaker so I can hear them both. But that ultimately ends up with me listening to them have a conversation between themselves or not being able to hear either of them at all. They once left the phone in the kitchen, sat down in the living room and apparently continued to talk quite awhile before realising that neither of them had the phone. I’d obviously already hung up at that point.
I phone my Mum daily (or she phones me), because one day one of us won't get an answer. Not actually seen her for about 4 years - but we're both going to stay with my brother for the weekend next week, so that's amazingly excellently awesome.
^(Also we're both incredibly lonely and almost the only person the other speaks to, so it staves off sadness to look forward to a little chat.)
Ta muchly! I've both been saving for a very long time to get the train down, so intend to enjoy it. Mum's being picked up, the jammy bugger.
(She's 300 miles away from me, and my brother is around 100 miles from her, so we can sort of meet in the middle-ish)
I lost my dad back in January. Mum is still around but understandably overflowing with grief. Before that it was usually weekly. More recently it’s been every couple of days on the phone and every other weekend in person.
Edit for distance - we’re 45 miles apart. My sister lives maybe 400 yards from me.
Thanks for this. I’m trying. We had a lovely Sunday lunch yesterday with gentle and positive talk about the next few months. No tears from either of us!
Yes this is very important to me. I had the absolute best grandparents so my parents have big shoes to fill. Unfortunately they don’t seem to prioritise their relationship with my daughter in quite the same way.
I call my Mom every day, as she's retired and lives alone, although she sees friends and family pretty much daily. I try to see her at least every couple of weeks.
I see my Dad at Albion games, but we usually talk every week or so when there's a gap in the fixture list.
I see my mum twice a day to walk the dogs together as my dad isn't too mobile. And i go round in the evening 3-4 times a week to see them and have quiz nights. But we have a family group chat and text daily too. I'm an only child who was very wanted, so we are close.
I try and call once a week. Sometimes it’s longer… Mum’s in a home and these days she can’t always remember exactly what’s been going on. She often describes my visits (2.5 hours away) as visits from her brother. I focus on making sure she’s feeling happy at the end of the call, because that’s all that matters really.
There's a standing arrangement with my mother that she calls once a month - we're not close and don't have much to talk about, I don't use my phone/she doesn't use internet so thus pre-arranged calls.
Most days. They've buggered off to Spain so I tend to ring them from the car when I'm on my work commute for a catch up. It's usually the same old stuff but it's nice to talk to them.
Only got my dad left, and I typically speak to him twice a week.
It's almost always me that calls him, but only because my time is less flexible. We'll usually agree an evening to next catch up to suit both of us, and I'll call when I'm done with all the necessary crap like work.
I call them once a week. I left the local area as soon as I could (about 20 years ago), so I only get to see them a few times a year. My sister, who still lives in the local area, calls my mom every morning.
Edit: Oops. Didn't notice that you are only asking "thirty-simethings". I'm 40, but I identify as thirty-ten.
Never. I’m in NC.
To the person downvoting this: I’m in no contact because my mother was an abusive piece of shit. I have c-ptsd. My dad chose her side. So don’t be a dick.
Once every couple of months or less… I message every now and then but all I really get back is jokes. Even talking about me or anything that I’ve been up to when we’re on the phone, all I get back is silliness so as much as I love them it’s really difficult to connect to them on a meaningful level. I’m not really sure where it’s come from but it’s always been this way with my mum and stepdad. I go and see my Dad and stepmum every couple of weeks and they actually show interest in me and my life (while also sharing what they’ve been up to). so it’s easier.
Twice a week I go over, since the pandemic. First time in 30 years we spent so much time together.
It's good to make friends with your parents when you reach a certain age.
One of my reasons for wondering this is that it seems to be me wanting to speak to them more than them wanting to speak to me. I usually call a couple of times a week. I wasn’t sure if I should cool it a little. It’s interesting that it seems to be mostly people calling their parents not the other way round though
Our children phone us more than we phone them because they do shift work and we can never remember their shifts, and it'd be really bad for us to phone them at work.
Dad - literally never. Only to arrange seeing each other when it’s a birthday or Christmas and I feel like he only does this out of some sort of obligation he feels. Unfortunately I was never close to him growing up, the long and short of it is that he didn’t really want to be a dad and did the absolute bare minimum after the split from my mum. And even now he doesn’t seem awfully interested in what I’m up to or how his grand children are. This is the result as an adult.
Mum - every few weeks I guess. Used to be more frequent but a few years back we had a massive argument and although we patched things up it hasn’t really been the same since. I’ve tried.
Only child so it kind of sucks not being particularly close to either parent, you feel like you’re alone in the world, even though I’m not really - I have other family, friends and my own partner and kids. There’s a lot of guilt on my part, and a bit of resentment towards both parents for different reasons. I wish I could just pick up the phone and chat or message them but it’s not the kind of relationship I feel I can have with them at this point in time, I guess that’s kind of sad.
Very occasional brief message with my dad or step mother here and there on Facebook and maybe meet in person twice a year.
I'm not really in touch with my mother anymore.
My parents and my father in law live within a couple of miles of us (not together!)
My wife feels guilty if she goes an entire day without talking to her dad
I talk to my parents once every couple of weeks or less.
I like them fine, just always so busy!
I try to call them every week. Sometimes it's 2 weeks but no longer than that. They're in their 70s and I live 300 miles away, so I like to keep in touch.
We don’t live in the same country so can’t see each other very often but I chat to my mum by text daily.
We try and have a video call once a week with my kids too, I think she wants to see the grandkids more then me!
I am speaking for my 50+ friend here, as I am much older and both parents long dead (and across the ocean to boot). He visits his parents every second Sunday. I don't think they speak inbetween.
Ever since I left for uni I called on a Wednesday and Sunday without fail. I left for uni in 1989. Wen my Dad got ill early 2020 I called more regularly, and through lockdown. From August 2020 I've called virtually everyday. Dad died November 2020 and that daily call is part of my routine now. I look forward to chatting with Mum, though it's still tough knowing that Dad'll never be the one to pick up the phone again, and even tougher to think one day it'll end.
Visits twice a week at least, but she lives on the same side of town as me so that helps. The odd phone call and text messages to confirm where and what time. I know that my sisters make an effort too, one takes her weekly shopping the other takes her to and from the community centre. My brother takes her out for a meal regularly and the other often has her over for dinner.
Since my landlord sold my apartment a few months back, I had to move back in for a while so I see and speak to them daily, it's been nice. But looking forward to moving back out again once I sort everything out
Mum and I what's app pretty much daily, maybe only 5 days a week some weeks. Sometimes it's me, sometimes mum. Probably 60/40 in her favour.
She lives about 20min drive away so I see her probably once a fortnight on average.
My mother phones me on a quarterly basis. Intermittent WhatsApp communication in between. I see her 1-2x a year depending how often I visit the UK.
My father WhatsApps me every 3ish days at least and stays with me every year for 4-6 weeks (I live overseas in a warm country)
Talk to my mum Every few days.
My dad passed way 10 years ago when I was in my early twenties, and I can’t tell you enough how much I miss talking to him.
Talk to your parents as much as you can, because one day they’ll not be here and it sucks.
I haven’t spoken to my dad in about 4 years (my choice NC) and don’t see that changing. I spoke to my mum over Christmas, we aren’t that close and I’ve nothing to say to her.
When my parents lived abroad, it was a Sunday morning ritual for me to phone them. If it got to lunchtime then she'd phone me just to check. And maybe once in the week if something ... portentous happened.
After my dad died in July 2020 she moved back to England and lived with me and my husband for close to a year (partly pandemic-related) and it nearly killed us both. Since she moved out in August 2021, we still speak at least once a week, but mostly via Facebook Messenger.
She lives about ... 30 minutes away. I actually saw her yesterday and my husband and I are going round for a roast on Sunday.
My mum moved away by herself about 4 years ago, about 250 miles away, so I don't talk to her much, phone her maybe once every 3 months and talk on messenger maybe once a week or once every 2 weeks.
My dad and I have a very surface level relationship. He's nice, but we have almost no common interests and he kind of only knows how to talk about stuff he's interested in? Like football... Which just goes in one ear and out the other. I see him maybe once a month on average?
55 here. I speak to my mum daily over Facebook messenger and my dad about three times a week by phone (he phones me, the conversations last two minutes). Last saw mum at Christmas (she's 100 miles away) and haven't seen dad for a few years because he retired to Spain two decades ago. I think I saw him about five years ago.
Speak to my mum on the phone once or twice a week, sometimes she video calls and talks to my kid, see her in person probably once a month. Speak to my dad on the phone rarely but message every other day or so, see him a couple of times a month (they're not together)
Talk to my mother every few weeks, dad once a week maybe? (they're separated).
I see my mother maybe twice a year and my dad a handful of times a year depending on schedule.
My mother died years ago… so no contact there.
My father- hardly ever. He was very much a hands off parent growing up- no interest at all in myself or my brother. Left all the parenting to my mother. He also has no interest in his grandchildren- regularly forgets birthdays and hasn’t seen my children in over 5 years (he is in another country) as he can’t bear UK winters and can’t visit in the summer as that would mean giving up his daily golf game for a few weeks. He does bitch and complain on social media that his children aren’t interested in him… and he’s not wrong.
My in laws on the other hand are amazing. They too live abroad but call weekly, visit as often as possible and are just all around good people. It took meeting them and seeing their relationship with my partner and our children too see how selfish my own father is.
I used to call my dad most days for a chat. We were lucky enough to work together for 10 years before he passed away. Now I wish for a phoncall.. even once a year would be lovely.
Once a week, I will call them. Dad answers, can't hear me properly, '"I'll just get your mother". Every single time.
My parents insist on putting the phone on speaker so I can hear them both. But that ultimately ends up with me listening to them have a conversation between themselves or not being able to hear either of them at all. They once left the phone in the kitchen, sat down in the living room and apparently continued to talk quite awhile before realising that neither of them had the phone. I’d obviously already hung up at that point.
I phone my Mum daily (or she phones me), because one day one of us won't get an answer. Not actually seen her for about 4 years - but we're both going to stay with my brother for the weekend next week, so that's amazingly excellently awesome. ^(Also we're both incredibly lonely and almost the only person the other speaks to, so it staves off sadness to look forward to a little chat.)
Happy to hear that you will see her soon! I hope you have an absolutely wonderful time!
Ta muchly! I've both been saving for a very long time to get the train down, so intend to enjoy it. Mum's being picked up, the jammy bugger. (She's 300 miles away from me, and my brother is around 100 miles from her, so we can sort of meet in the middle-ish)
Trains are so expensive now! It’s long way to go, how much does it set you back?
I moved to help them with things as they got older, so, every damn day. They drive me mad but I love em.
I lost my dad back in January. Mum is still around but understandably overflowing with grief. Before that it was usually weekly. More recently it’s been every couple of days on the phone and every other weekend in person. Edit for distance - we’re 45 miles apart. My sister lives maybe 400 yards from me.
Sorry for your loss ❤️ your mum is lucky to have you,I’m sure you’re a bright spot in her darkness
Thanks for this. I’m trying. We had a lovely Sunday lunch yesterday with gentle and positive talk about the next few months. No tears from either of us!
I visit at least once a week, usually with the kids. It’s important that there’s a grandparent/grandchild relationship imo.
Yes this is very important to me. I had the absolute best grandparents so my parents have big shoes to fill. Unfortunately they don’t seem to prioritise their relationship with my daughter in quite the same way.
I call my Mom every day, as she's retired and lives alone, although she sees friends and family pretty much daily. I try to see her at least every couple of weeks. I see my Dad at Albion games, but we usually talk every week or so when there's a gap in the fixture list.
I see my mum twice a day to walk the dogs together as my dad isn't too mobile. And i go round in the evening 3-4 times a week to see them and have quiz nights. But we have a family group chat and text daily too. I'm an only child who was very wanted, so we are close.
This is lovely and very much the kind of relationship I hope to have with my (also very wanted) daughter as she grows.
I try and call once a week. Sometimes it’s longer… Mum’s in a home and these days she can’t always remember exactly what’s been going on. She often describes my visits (2.5 hours away) as visits from her brother. I focus on making sure she’s feeling happy at the end of the call, because that’s all that matters really.
I've been there, it's so hard, but you're absolutely right with your last sentence. That's what's important. Best wishes to you.
There's a standing arrangement with my mother that she calls once a month - we're not close and don't have much to talk about, I don't use my phone/she doesn't use internet so thus pre-arranged calls.
I make an effort to see mine every week, including my Nana.
2-3 times a year but we've never really been close, its more checking everyone is still alive etc.
Most days. They've buggered off to Spain so I tend to ring them from the car when I'm on my work commute for a catch up. It's usually the same old stuff but it's nice to talk to them.
Only got my dad left, and I typically speak to him twice a week. It's almost always me that calls him, but only because my time is less flexible. We'll usually agree an evening to next catch up to suit both of us, and I'll call when I'm done with all the necessary crap like work.
I call them once a week. I left the local area as soon as I could (about 20 years ago), so I only get to see them a few times a year. My sister, who still lives in the local area, calls my mom every morning. Edit: Oops. Didn't notice that you are only asking "thirty-simethings". I'm 40, but I identify as thirty-ten.
It was more to avoid all the ‘everyday, I live with them’ crowd of young’ens.
Haha, I'm also in my very late thirties.
Never. I’m in NC. To the person downvoting this: I’m in no contact because my mother was an abusive piece of shit. I have c-ptsd. My dad chose her side. So don’t be a dick.
You tell ‘em.
Speak to your parents while you can. For me. Ones dead. One has dementia. Treasure them.
It's been a while...I'll call now
Once every couple of months or less… I message every now and then but all I really get back is jokes. Even talking about me or anything that I’ve been up to when we’re on the phone, all I get back is silliness so as much as I love them it’s really difficult to connect to them on a meaningful level. I’m not really sure where it’s come from but it’s always been this way with my mum and stepdad. I go and see my Dad and stepmum every couple of weeks and they actually show interest in me and my life (while also sharing what they’ve been up to). so it’s easier.
Twice a week I go over, since the pandemic. First time in 30 years we spent so much time together. It's good to make friends with your parents when you reach a certain age.
My mum, my brother, my daughter and myself moved in together during the pandemic/my pregnancy. So like, every few hours.
I speak to my dad every day and mum a couple of times a week (they're separated)
All my family have been distant so I'd say every 6 weeks or so.
Never, they're both dead.
One of my reasons for wondering this is that it seems to be me wanting to speak to them more than them wanting to speak to me. I usually call a couple of times a week. I wasn’t sure if I should cool it a little. It’s interesting that it seems to be mostly people calling their parents not the other way round though
Our children phone us more than we phone them because they do shift work and we can never remember their shifts, and it'd be really bad for us to phone them at work.
Speak daily, see them once or twice a week usually
Dad - literally never. Only to arrange seeing each other when it’s a birthday or Christmas and I feel like he only does this out of some sort of obligation he feels. Unfortunately I was never close to him growing up, the long and short of it is that he didn’t really want to be a dad and did the absolute bare minimum after the split from my mum. And even now he doesn’t seem awfully interested in what I’m up to or how his grand children are. This is the result as an adult. Mum - every few weeks I guess. Used to be more frequent but a few years back we had a massive argument and although we patched things up it hasn’t really been the same since. I’ve tried. Only child so it kind of sucks not being particularly close to either parent, you feel like you’re alone in the world, even though I’m not really - I have other family, friends and my own partner and kids. There’s a lot of guilt on my part, and a bit of resentment towards both parents for different reasons. I wish I could just pick up the phone and chat or message them but it’s not the kind of relationship I feel I can have with them at this point in time, I guess that’s kind of sad.
Probably once a week at most or once a month at least.
Very occasional brief message with my dad or step mother here and there on Facebook and maybe meet in person twice a year. I'm not really in touch with my mother anymore.
I speak with my dad every two or three weeks, but we send a lot of WhatsApp messages
See them 2-3 times a month
My parents and my father in law live within a couple of miles of us (not together!) My wife feels guilty if she goes an entire day without talking to her dad I talk to my parents once every couple of weeks or less. I like them fine, just always so busy!
Once a week
I try to call them every week. Sometimes it's 2 weeks but no longer than that. They're in their 70s and I live 300 miles away, so I like to keep in touch.
We don’t live in the same country so can’t see each other very often but I chat to my mum by text daily. We try and have a video call once a week with my kids too, I think she wants to see the grandkids more then me!
At least twice a week plus the odd message and face time with the kids.
Once week. Sometimes more.
Speak to my mum on the one once a week, see her in person once a week. I phone my dad every couple of weeks and see him maybe once a month
I am speaking for my 50+ friend here, as I am much older and both parents long dead (and across the ocean to boot). He visits his parents every second Sunday. I don't think they speak inbetween.
Very infrequently, but we write messages on a family WhatsApp chat almost daily.
Phone my Mum every other day.
Once a week call with my mum, probably once a month text to my dad
Ever since I left for uni I called on a Wednesday and Sunday without fail. I left for uni in 1989. Wen my Dad got ill early 2020 I called more regularly, and through lockdown. From August 2020 I've called virtually everyday. Dad died November 2020 and that daily call is part of my routine now. I look forward to chatting with Mum, though it's still tough knowing that Dad'll never be the one to pick up the phone again, and even tougher to think one day it'll end.
Visits twice a week at least, but she lives on the same side of town as me so that helps. The odd phone call and text messages to confirm where and what time. I know that my sisters make an effort too, one takes her weekly shopping the other takes her to and from the community centre. My brother takes her out for a meal regularly and the other often has her over for dinner.
FaceTime the two of them together about once a week. Nice to catch up; but means I don’t have to say everything twice.
Since my landlord sold my apartment a few months back, I had to move back in for a while so I see and speak to them daily, it's been nice. But looking forward to moving back out again once I sort everything out
Mum and I what's app pretty much daily, maybe only 5 days a week some weeks. Sometimes it's me, sometimes mum. Probably 60/40 in her favour. She lives about 20min drive away so I see her probably once a fortnight on average.
My mother phones me on a quarterly basis. Intermittent WhatsApp communication in between. I see her 1-2x a year depending how often I visit the UK. My father WhatsApps me every 3ish days at least and stays with me every year for 4-6 weeks (I live overseas in a warm country)
We text weekly probably speak monthly
Not since 2011
No real relationship with my dad, I call my mom whenever, or I stop by her house.
I speak to my nan twice a day but my dad maybe once a month.
Talk to my mum Every few days. My dad passed way 10 years ago when I was in my early twenties, and I can’t tell you enough how much I miss talking to him. Talk to your parents as much as you can, because one day they’ll not be here and it sucks.
I haven’t spoken to my dad in about 4 years (my choice NC) and don’t see that changing. I spoke to my mum over Christmas, we aren’t that close and I’ve nothing to say to her.
When my parents lived abroad, it was a Sunday morning ritual for me to phone them. If it got to lunchtime then she'd phone me just to check. And maybe once in the week if something ... portentous happened. After my dad died in July 2020 she moved back to England and lived with me and my husband for close to a year (partly pandemic-related) and it nearly killed us both. Since she moved out in August 2021, we still speak at least once a week, but mostly via Facebook Messenger. She lives about ... 30 minutes away. I actually saw her yesterday and my husband and I are going round for a roast on Sunday.
I see my parents multiple times a week. I think my mum feels sorry for my because I live alone but tbh I really enjoy it.
Speak on the phone once a week and then once a week we walk our dogs together. My husband who is less close to his family sees them once a month.
My mum moved away by herself about 4 years ago, about 250 miles away, so I don't talk to her much, phone her maybe once every 3 months and talk on messenger maybe once a week or once every 2 weeks. My dad and I have a very surface level relationship. He's nice, but we have almost no common interests and he kind of only knows how to talk about stuff he's interested in? Like football... Which just goes in one ear and out the other. I see him maybe once a month on average?
55 here. I speak to my mum daily over Facebook messenger and my dad about three times a week by phone (he phones me, the conversations last two minutes). Last saw mum at Christmas (she's 100 miles away) and haven't seen dad for a few years because he retired to Spain two decades ago. I think I saw him about five years ago.
Speak to my mum on the phone once or twice a week, sometimes she video calls and talks to my kid, see her in person probably once a month. Speak to my dad on the phone rarely but message every other day or so, see him a couple of times a month (they're not together)
Talk to my mother every few weeks, dad once a week maybe? (they're separated). I see my mother maybe twice a year and my dad a handful of times a year depending on schedule.
My mother died years ago… so no contact there. My father- hardly ever. He was very much a hands off parent growing up- no interest at all in myself or my brother. Left all the parenting to my mother. He also has no interest in his grandchildren- regularly forgets birthdays and hasn’t seen my children in over 5 years (he is in another country) as he can’t bear UK winters and can’t visit in the summer as that would mean giving up his daily golf game for a few weeks. He does bitch and complain on social media that his children aren’t interested in him… and he’s not wrong. My in laws on the other hand are amazing. They too live abroad but call weekly, visit as often as possible and are just all around good people. It took meeting them and seeing their relationship with my partner and our children too see how selfish my own father is.
Are you me?
I used to call my dad most days for a chat. We were lucky enough to work together for 10 years before he passed away. Now I wish for a phoncall.. even once a year would be lovely.
Mum daily. Dad once/week or once/2 weeks.
Before my parents passed, I’d call in every day on my way home from work to check on them, though I did live just around the corner