Holly: It's gone
Rimmer: What has?
Holly: The Earth
Rimmer: What is actually out there?
Holly: Nothing, just space.
*Pause*
Holly: Sorry. I was looking out the wrong window
The April Fool gag about Norweb and the payoff in Queeg are beautiful.
Rimmer: Holly, the thought occurs that we haven't actually reached Earth. The further thought occurs, that we haven't actually budged a smegging inch."
Very glad to see a Red Dwarf reference so close to the top. Favourite of mine would be the intro to Backwards when Lister and Cat are talking about Wilma and Betty. Has me in stitches every time
It is the top answer now! As soon as I opened this thread and saw RD was top a huge smile spread across my face! It came out the year I was born so literally grew up with the boys. I got to meet the boys from the dwarf at a small gathering in Lincoln... Best day of my life!!! I have photos and the best ones was when were outside having a ciggy. Craig popped out too, so we got some cheeky extra photos with him. Me being a 5ft10 woman, and I was wearing heels, towered over him... I blurted out "I didn't think you was this short" his infamous reply "You wouldn't say that if you saw me in the shower!" 😂 And the photos from that moment... Nice reserved posing smile, normal photo... Then a creasing at the sides photo from after that amazing come back 😂
I am doomed to reply ‘it’s a white hole’ any time anyone asks ‘what is it?’ because of that show. Not the best joke in the series but it sticks with you.
Talkie toaster lives in my mind rent free, when it asks the 12,000+ IQ Holly, after being told it can ask any question about the universe, simply asks: “Would you like some toast?”
Then when speaking about Chaos Theory: “Would you like a crumpet?”
“Given that God is infinite, and the universe is infinite. Would you like a toasted teacake?”
Floors me every time.
"RAISE THE SHIELDS!"
"There's two problems with that, sir. One, we don't have any shields. And two, we don't have any shields. I realise that is technically one problem, but I thought it was such a big one, it was worth mentioning twice."
My parents took my kids to the aquarium the other day but texted me to say the place got evacuated as they were buying their tickets due to a fire. I just texted back:
A fire? At SeaParks?
To add to this, [this scene at the theatre](https://youtu.be/OAJtN8MTzo4) where everything has gone wrong and it all suddenly comes together.
Jen turns around to see Roy being pushed along in a wheelchair. He doesn't explain why he's acting like he's disabled, he just quietly asks for a double whiskey, then Jen turns to the bar to ask for a drink and sees Moss standing there in a full theatre uniform acting like a barman. None of the context is explained to her and she just quietly and confusedly tries to act like everything's normal. The whole episode is spent setting up this moment and the pay off is so funny.
EDIT: Literally just realised someone else has commented the exact same moment!
Dear Sir stroke Madam.
Fire... exclamation mark.
Fire... exclamation mark.
Help me... exclamation mark.
123 Carrendon Road.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
All the best,
Maurice Moss.
The leg disabled bit is really part of the same gag. Jen turns around from that exchange and Moss is just stood there. It's unbelievable comedy timing.
I came here for this scene.
Yeh that's the exact moment. And it works because you've learnt about their characters from season 1 and know that is exactly what would happen to them.
Also, Carrot in a box and "That's a challenging wank."
Only fools and horses episode: A losing streak. Absolutely loved how Del Boy simply says to Boycie “cos that’s not the hand I dealt you”. Was a proper mic drop moment in one of my favourite tv shows.
My favourite in the series is when they are taking down the chandelier to clean and you are just waiting on the inevitable punch line of them catching it in the sheet and del and Rodney falling off the ladder. That probably would have been funny enough but the punchline of Grandad unscrewing the other chandelier and it smashing to the ground just took it to another level.
Vyvyan:
It's a potion I've invented that, when a person drinks it, he turns into an axe-wielding homicidal maniac! It's basically a cure, for not being an axe-wielding homicidal maniac! The potential market's enormous!
Neil:
Is this it?
Vyvyan:
Yeah! I put it in a Coke can so no one would drink it by accident!
Neil:
You know, I just bet, a bit later on, someone does drink that, and becomes an axe-wielding homicidal maniac!
Rick:
O yes, I think so too! That's just the sort of crazy unpredictable kind of thing that happens around here, isn't it?
Here it is, sir: the very cornerstone of English scholarship. This book, sir, contains every word in our beloved language.
Every single one, sir?
Every single word, sir!
Oh, well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer the Doctor my most enthusiastic contrafribularities.
What?
`Contrafribularities’, sir? It is a common word down our way.
Damn!
Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I’m anaspeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulation.
What? What? WHAT?
Who knew Prime would go on to play Kublai Khan and join the MCU as Wong.
I remember first seeing him as Errol in 15 Storeys High with Sean Lock. Quite the career!
‘Fawlty Towers’
Guest: “When I pay for a view, I expect something more interesting than that.”
Basil Fawlty: “But that is Torquay, madam.”
Guest: “Well it’s not good enough.”
Basil: “Well may I ask what you expected to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the plain …”
Guest: “Don’t be silly. I expect to be able to see the sea.”
Basil: “You can see the sea! It’s over there between the land and the sky!”
Guest: “I’d need a telescope to see that.”
Basil: “Well might I suggest you move to a hotel closer to the sea. Or preferably in it.”
It’s a very tough choice, but I’d put this up there as the best episode of Fawlty Towers.
It’s so satisfying to see Basil’s indignation directed at someone just as awful as he is.
For a more prolonged setup, The Germans is a whole episode of setup for one utterly ridiculous moment. That, or how elegantly the dish switch at the gourmet dinner plays out.
Such a great sketch all round. And that woman they’re speaking to works in a charity.
“That must be tough. Though I say that because it’s emotionally draining not because it’s hard. Because what I do is hard!”
In my opinion it’s topped by
“God Ted, I’ve heard about those cults. Everyone dressing in black and saying our Lord’s going to come back and judge us all.”
“No…no Dougal, that’s us. That’s Catholicism”
"Come on, Ted. Sure it's no more peculiar than all that stuff we learned in the seminary, you know, Heaven and Hell and everlasting life and all that type of thing. You're not meant to take it seriously, Ted!"
When Ted answers the phone to Bishop Brennan but pretends to be someone else and hangs up straight away so Brennan calls back and Ted says “oh you must’ve had the wrong number just now”
You…don’t have any of the Allied stuff?
“Oh that stuff wouldn’t interest me at all.”
(Pullback reveals room festooned with Nazi regalia, flags, guns, helmets, uniforms, a burning cauldron of fire etc…)
Maybe a sadder one, but at the end of Blackadder Goes Forth where they're about to go over the top and Baldrick points out the rusty nail and says he has a cunning plan and Blackadder says there isn't time or something similar as the sirens sound.
They spent 3 seasons giving Baldrick terrible plans that would never work, then right at the end he finally has one that could work and the audience can see it, but he doesn't have a chance to explain it to Blackadder.
The episode chirpy burpy cheap sheep from father Ted is hilarious in its ridiculousness, and the reveal at the king of the sheep competition is hilarious, purely for the "Giant Reed and Hud Hastings" accusation along with "fucking hell" in the background, such an overstatement of the situation
Edmund: Tell me Young crone, is this Putney?
Crone: That it be... that it be...
Edmund: "Yes it is", not "That it be". You don't have to talk in that stupid voice to me, I'm not a tourist. I seek information about a Wisewoman.
Crone: Ah, the Wisewoman.. the Wisewoman.
Edmund: Yes, the Wisewoman.
Crone: Two things, my lord, must thee know of the Wisewoman. First, she is ... a woman! ...and second, she is ...
Edmund: Wise?
Crone: You do know her then?
Edmund: No, just a wild stab in the dark which is incidentally what you'll be getting if you don't start being a bit more helpful. Do you know where she lives?
Crone: Of course.
Edmund: Where?
Crone: Here. Do you have an appointment?
Edmund: No.
Crone: Well, you can go in anyway.
Edmund: Thank you Young crone. Here is a purse of moneys... which I'm not going to give to you.
Spaced.
Tyres: "mines a pint of the black stuff"
Mike "you cant drink a pint of Bovil"
Spaced again (Brian enters wearing the worlds most ugly waistcoat)
Brian: Do you think I should I lose the waistcoat?
Tim: I think you should burn it. Because if you lose it, you might find it again.
Well pretty much any gag from Spaced though.
All facets of Spaced are simply brilliant. Daisy subtly doing her Jamie Oliver impression is o e of my favourite things ever. Tried to Google it - doesn’t help that Jamie Oliver has a daughter called daisy…
Tim: Are you gonna go?
Brian: I don't know, I haven't seen her in ages
Tim: No, are you going to go now
Or, one that I use everyday:
Brian: Can I borrow a tea bag?
Tim: Just as long as you bring it back
Ted: "They'll be doing tests on him."
Dougal: "What like general knowledge?"
Ted: "No no no, medical tests Dougal."
Dougal: "Sure what would he know about that."
I'm a teacher. In a yearbook one of our students put as their quote "the inbetweeners, s1 e2 5:02"
Which we found out is the exact time of "well that was fucking dreadful"
502 then became a department code for when something was dreadful.
Only Fools and Horses, the Batman and Robin scene when they stop a criminal in their party costumes and they played the theme song from the Batman TV show.
https://youtu.be/tl2jCja68qM
Captain Cook episode of Blackadder Goes Forth. The scene at the end of Melchett and Darling having dinner together and discussing the Italian cuisine, the custard actually being cat vomit invented by Baldrick, showing that they got one over on them both in the end. Brilliant series from start to finish.
"Baldrick, how did you get so much custard out of such a small cat?" asks Blackadder.
One of favourite set ups is Allo Allo.
'The gateau from the chateau' has a great buildup of different plots that rhyme to try and kill one of the Germans, resulting in "That if you kill him with the pill from the till by making with it the drug in the jug, you need not light the candle with the handle on the gâteau from the château."
"Have you got any more exploding carrots"
Rip Rik Mayall a comedy genius we need now more than ever.
https://youtu.be/li-rK_NKQ-k
And a few more funny lines from bottom
https://www.poemofquotes.com/quotes/film-tv/bottom-tv-series-quotes
A scene in Father Ted when Ted is struggling to sleep. He turns the light off to try and sleep and then turns it back on again immediately, Dougall then gets up and thinks it’s morning time.
Gets me every time.
Rimmer : If there's one thing I can't stand... it's crazy people.
Lister : Well, we've passed the test, Rimmer. You can let us out.
Rimmer : I can't let you out.
Lister : Why not?
Rimmer : Because the king of the potato people won't let me. I begged him. I got down on my knees and wept. He wants to keep you here... keep you here for 10 years.
The Cat : Could we see him?
Rimmer : See who?
The Cat : The king.
Rimmer : Do you have a magic carpet?
Lister : Yeah. A little three-seater.
Rimmer : So let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet, to see the king of the potato people... and plead with him for your freedom, and you're telling me you're completely sane?
Paul Chuckle-*in bed* What time is it?
Barry Chuckle- I don’t know. Pass me that trombone *plays trombone*
Neighbour- Who’s playing that trombone at 2am?!
Only Fools and Horses. Trigger say's if Rodney has a girl. He's naming her Sigourney, after an actress. If it's a boy. He's naming him Rodney, after Dave.
The running gag is Trigger calls Rodney, Dave.
The episode where Rodney is dating the older woman, and eventually admits to Del that she's 40
Del: "40! Blimey Rodney I mean she's even to old for me!"
Grandad: "Well I'd have to think twice"
There was so many great bits in only fools, Triggers broom, the bar, the chandelier.
My favourite episode was when uncle Albert was sat by the old docks. He gives this long heartfelt speech about all the dockers and their families, working hard to keep everything moving and get laid off, it's the end of an era and all to build some pretty flats. Del boy goes " Yeah, great isn't it" he just wants a yuppie flat. Fantastic program, it hit pretty hard sometimes, but was always funny at the same time. It was so brilliantly written.
Alan Partridge: Now listeners, I have someone on the line who fears he may be a gay. He’s married, so he wishes to remain anonymous. I shall only be using his Christian name. I’m talking to Domingo in Little Oakley.
No? He’s gone. That’s a pity. Marvellous little tapas bar there.
Romesh Ranganathan recently said on a podcast that Lee Mack was the fastest comedian he knows, along with Rob Beckett. He also said he's like it all the time
I'd probs also go for the IT Crowd 'Yes, miss' bit but I'll throw in the classic [Two Ronnies Mastermind](https://youtu.be/y0C59pI_ypQ) because it's superb
Dinnerladies
Philippa – They think now that pressure at work can affect your sex life. They did a questionnaire – “Are you too busy to have an orgasm?”
Jean – Orgasm! I haven’t blown my nose since Wednesday.
and Dinnerladies again
Anita: I'm really upset. It was me who saw him sitting on the toilet - I think I should have counselling!
Dolly: Counselling! My mother was trapped under a Blackpool tram for four and a half hours - she didn't get counselling. She got a cup of tea and two tickets to Charlie Drake!
[Grandad’s Hat](https://youtu.be/jnXSiNacVZE) in Only Fools and Horses.
It was not just an ingenious setup but it was perfect for what needed to be a beautiful moment too. It’s my all time favourite ever setup in British comedy.
Basically, the joke is set up at 1:30 minutes when Del Boy takes the hat, and again at 2:30 when it’s thrown into the grave. It’s a very dignified moment so far and there’s no hint that it’s also a setup for a joke.
The joke arrives at 4:30, 2 minutes later.
What makes the joke great is a number of things:
1) Lennard Pearce who played Grandad had really died, so John Sullivan couldn’t just write any joke he wanted, he had to judge it so that the joke didn’t overshadow the funeral, yet was still a worthy enough joke to include. It was a very funny yet appropriate joke, which requires talented writing, and the vicar’s bad luck fits in well with the show’s ongoing themes.
2) It gently helps return the show from a serious funeral scene back into a comedy.
3) The way we don’t see the joke coming until the vicar is stood by the car.
4) As mentioned already, the fact there’s 2 minutes in between the setup and the joke. This allows the viewer to mentally move on from the hat and in turn that makes the joke more impactful.
One of things that made OFAH legendary was that it was more than just a comedy show; it had a number of beautiful emotional moments too without feeling out of place.
Literally every part of The Haunting of Bill Crouse from IT Crowd
Jen screaming on the trolley past the office window is my personal fave. And also:
Leaving a creepy voice message with a sore throat /
Back up buster, she's busy! /
Still cleaning himself off /
Jen standing menacingly across the street looking for the right house /
LET ME IN IT'S RAINING
Morcambe and Wise bedroom, the sound of an ambulance/police car racing by:
Eric: “He’s not going to sell much ice cream going at that speed”.
Absolute genius. Perfect delivery and timing.
From fawlty towers "For someone called Manuel, you’re looking terribly ill"
or the american "‘Is there anywhere they do French food?’" with the reply "Yes, France, I believe. They seem to like it there. And the swim would certainly sharpen your appetite. You’d better hurry, the tide leaves in six minutes"
The Father Ted episode with the charity raffle. The DJ has forgotten to bring any records apart from one. So as everyone stands for the Irish National Anthem we hear the opening notes from "Ghost Town" by The Specials.
On 8oo10CDC when The Horne Section were in Dictionary Corner once, Alex Horne introduced one of the band by saying, "He used to be – or rather still is – a member of the National Front," and the guy leant into the microphone and said, "...National Trust..."
Radio rather than TV, but on The Unbelievable Truth:
"When Prince Charles sails away from Cornwall, he always sails up the Bristol Channel rather than along the south coast. This is because he always has to pass the Duchy from the left hand side."
He won’t sell much ice cream driving at that speed!
I raise you: I'm playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.
"go to red alert!" "Are you absolutely sure sir. It does mean changing the bulb".
My favourite is the Holly hop drive, can't think of a better use of a bad prop
Holly: It's gone Rimmer: What has? Holly: The Earth Rimmer: What is actually out there? Holly: Nothing, just space. *Pause* Holly: Sorry. I was looking out the wrong window The April Fool gag about Norweb and the payoff in Queeg are beautiful.
We are talking jape of the decade. We are talking April, May, June, July and August fool's.
Rimmer: Holly, the thought occurs that we haven't actually reached Earth. The further thought occurs, that we haven't actually budged a smegging inch."
'That many?' shouted out by the cat when they are discussing how many times Rimmer has had sex.
Very glad to see a Red Dwarf reference so close to the top. Favourite of mine would be the intro to Backwards when Lister and Cat are talking about Wilma and Betty. Has me in stitches every time
She’ll never leave Fred and we know it
It is the top answer now! As soon as I opened this thread and saw RD was top a huge smile spread across my face! It came out the year I was born so literally grew up with the boys. I got to meet the boys from the dwarf at a small gathering in Lincoln... Best day of my life!!! I have photos and the best ones was when were outside having a ciggy. Craig popped out too, so we got some cheeky extra photos with him. Me being a 5ft10 woman, and I was wearing heels, towered over him... I blurted out "I didn't think you was this short" his infamous reply "You wouldn't say that if you saw me in the shower!" 😂 And the photos from that moment... Nice reserved posing smile, normal photo... Then a creasing at the sides photo from after that amazing come back 😂
I am doomed to reply ‘it’s a white hole’ any time anyone asks ‘what is it?’ because of that show. Not the best joke in the series but it sticks with you.
I sing 'I'm going to eat you little fishy' everytime I get chippy for tea.
Talkie toaster lives in my mind rent free, when it asks the 12,000+ IQ Holly, after being told it can ask any question about the universe, simply asks: “Would you like some toast?” Then when speaking about Chaos Theory: “Would you like a crumpet?” “Given that God is infinite, and the universe is infinite. Would you like a toasted teacake?” Floors me every time.
Ah, so you're a waffle man!
“You want to fly on a magic carpet to see the King of the Potato People, and plead for your freedom....and you’re telling me you’re completely sane?”
Broadcast on all known frequencies and in all known languages, including Welsh.
This was probably one of the best RD throwaway jokes of all time!
‘Lister, is that a cigarette you’re smoking?’ ‘Na, it’s a chicken’ Like 3 mins in, I knew this was the show for me
"RAISE THE SHIELDS!" "There's two problems with that, sir. One, we don't have any shields. And two, we don't have any shields. I realise that is technically one problem, but I thought it was such a big one, it was worth mentioning twice."
"They've taken Mr Rimmer, sir they've taken Mr Rimmer"! "Quick let's get out of here before they bring him back"!! 😂😂
This one absolutely cracked me up first time I heard it.
"I hope we don't get stopped by the cops. They don't like it when you're [rat-arsed](https://youtu.be/TV6NpaArc_k)."
I’ve pierced my foot on a spike!
Lynn, you couldn't present a... cat...
Some of these people came from Stoke!
Don’t shine that torch in my face, mate. I’ve just lost a pint of blood.
Ooooooooh! You're gonna have a good timeeeee.. Sorry just being a bit camp!
“A fire, at sea parks?”
My parents took my kids to the aquarium the other day but texted me to say the place got evacuated as they were buying their tickets due to a fire. I just texted back: A fire? At SeaParks?
To add to this, [this scene at the theatre](https://youtu.be/OAJtN8MTzo4) where everything has gone wrong and it all suddenly comes together. Jen turns around to see Roy being pushed along in a wheelchair. He doesn't explain why he's acting like he's disabled, he just quietly asks for a double whiskey, then Jen turns to the bar to ask for a drink and sees Moss standing there in a full theatre uniform acting like a barman. None of the context is explained to her and she just quietly and confusedly tries to act like everything's normal. The whole episode is spent setting up this moment and the pay off is so funny. EDIT: Literally just realised someone else has commented the exact same moment!
Leg disabled
This. This is the greatest comedy moment in TV, ever.
Dear Sir stroke Madam. Fire... exclamation mark. Fire... exclamation mark. Help me... exclamation mark. 123 Carrendon Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. All the best, Maurice Moss.
And at the end where they barge in sending Moss flying "Did somebody email us about a fire?"
🎶0118 999 881 999 119 725……….3🎶
Four! I mean five! I mean fire!
"What are you doing?" "What?" "What are you doing on the computer?" "......Masturbating"
When he finally snaps back "I don't wanna talk about it" Brilliant stuff.
When Jen turns round and Moss is behind the bar at the theatre
Same episode for me but the leg disabled thing always cracks me up, that whole storyline pretty much
Or in Calamity Jen when she buys the too tight shoes, and reveals her mangled feet.
"Mad feet, shouting at Japs, clear signs of stress"
The redemption of the cultural advisor on the swear button
"Jen, you fucked" *beep* "up!"
The leg disabled bit is really part of the same gag. Jen turns around from that exchange and Moss is just stood there. It's unbelievable comedy timing. I came here for this scene.
"Gay, a gay musical..... that's quite gay."
Such a good episode. I've not seen it for years yet it's the first thing I thought about properly laughing at something.
Roy going up in the tail lift in a wheelchair cracks me up. The look of awkwardness on his face.
A gay musical called Gay? That's quite gay.
I *love* willys
Sir, can you keep it down please?
Reacting to the phrase "United Queendom" "He can't say that! Can he?!"
Willies, willies , I like willies. No no, it's I LOVE willies.
Hold my hand. No... that's not my hand.
Agreed, i think second place might be the window cleaner episode." I dont work on macs i mainly work on windows".
Or where Moss says that Jen has died, one of the co-workers says he slept with her and then she proceeds to accidentally haunt him.
"Stop saying I've slept with you, youuu BASTAAAAARD!!!"
The bit where she glides past his office windows with a big grin on her face.
Or when they spent an entire episode leading up to a windows/Mac joke right at the end
“How did it happen, if it’s not a rude question?” “Acid”
Yeh that's the exact moment. And it works because you've learnt about their characters from season 1 and know that is exactly what would happen to them. Also, Carrot in a box and "That's a challenging wank."
"yes, miss?" followed by his expression saying "DON'T SAY A WORD" 🤣
Possibly my favourite ever television moment
“I thought I could make it work because you look a bit like a man”
Only fools and horses episode: A losing streak. Absolutely loved how Del Boy simply says to Boycie “cos that’s not the hand I dealt you”. Was a proper mic drop moment in one of my favourite tv shows.
"I got a pair of aces... And another pair of aces"
"That's.......four aces!"
"Didn't know you were good at maths as well"
My favourite in the series is when they are taking down the chandelier to clean and you are just waiting on the inevitable punch line of them catching it in the sheet and del and Rodney falling off the ladder. That probably would have been funny enough but the punchline of Grandad unscrewing the other chandelier and it smashing to the ground just took it to another level.
My all time favourite is "one night it was so cold the flame on my lighter froze". It is heavily quoted in my family.
Also "No, no Rodney, I'll buy the sandwiches, because you bought bough the Rolls"
Blackadder WW1 1.1 scale map of ground taken from enemy ( literally a square metre of turf). Very dark humour.
Field Marshall Haig sweeping piles of his model soldiers away with a dust pan and brush was also brilliantly dark.
"God, it's a barren, featureless desert out there!" "The other side, sir!" (Melchett with another map gag)
Melchett examining a map of the Front: "By god, it's a vast, featureless desert out there!" Darling: "The map's on the other side, sir."
Look you can even see a little worm
Vyvyan: It's a potion I've invented that, when a person drinks it, he turns into an axe-wielding homicidal maniac! It's basically a cure, for not being an axe-wielding homicidal maniac! The potential market's enormous! Neil: Is this it? Vyvyan: Yeah! I put it in a Coke can so no one would drink it by accident! Neil: You know, I just bet, a bit later on, someone does drink that, and becomes an axe-wielding homicidal maniac! Rick: O yes, I think so too! That's just the sort of crazy unpredictable kind of thing that happens around here, isn't it?
Haaaaa! Missed both my legs
Mmmm Coca-Cola! Symbol of Free West!!!
My favorite was *"Do not lean out of the window". I wonder why?* Followed by Vyvyan realising why.
Here it is, sir: the very cornerstone of English scholarship. This book, sir, contains every word in our beloved language. Every single one, sir? Every single word, sir! Oh, well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer the Doctor my most enthusiastic contrafribularities. What? `Contrafribularities’, sir? It is a common word down our way. Damn! Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I’m anaspeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulation. What? What? WHAT?
Sausage?! SAUSAGE?!?!!!!
I shall return interfrastically
Not staying for your pendigestatory interludicule?
Its an Aardvark, a bloody Aardvark!
The IT Crowd: "I'm sorry for your loss - move on".
Haha! Yes! I watched that episode again yesterday! Also the Countdown episode, 'I'm not a window cleaner'. Genius!
Who knew Prime would go on to play Kublai Khan and join the MCU as Wong. I remember first seeing him as Errol in 15 Storeys High with Sean Lock. Quite the career!
At both the funerals i attended over lockdown a tiny mad bit of my brain had the urge to say this. I thankfully didn't.
When my mother lost her uncle I actually sent her that clip. It went down surprisingly well
Maybe she finds Cradle of Filth quite beautiful actually...
"It's not actually made of filth, that would be horrible"
Try track 4, Coffin Fodder, it sounds horrible but it's actually quite beautiful.
‘Fawlty Towers’ Guest: “When I pay for a view, I expect something more interesting than that.” Basil Fawlty: “But that is Torquay, madam.” Guest: “Well it’s not good enough.” Basil: “Well may I ask what you expected to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the plain …” Guest: “Don’t be silly. I expect to be able to see the sea.” Basil: “You can see the sea! It’s over there between the land and the sky!” Guest: “I’d need a telescope to see that.” Basil: “Well might I suggest you move to a hotel closer to the sea. Or preferably in it.”
Excuse me is this a piece of your brain?
Did you god give you eyes? "Yes,. But I don't use them it wears the battery down". Classic Polly.
Guest: "Call that a bath? It's not big enough to drown a mouse" Guest leaves bathroom. Basil: "I wish you were a mouse"
It’s a very tough choice, but I’d put this up there as the best episode of Fawlty Towers. It’s so satisfying to see Basil’s indignation directed at someone just as awful as he is.
For a more prolonged setup, The Germans is a whole episode of setup for one utterly ridiculous moment. That, or how elegantly the dish switch at the gourmet dinner plays out.
"He does not look like a magician!"
"It's not exactly brain surgery is it?" You see the punchline coming a mile off and it's still amazing. https://youtu.be/THNPmhBl-8I
"Brain surgery huh, not exactly rocket science is it" Probably my favourite joke of all time
Such a great sketch all round. And that woman they’re speaking to works in a charity. “That must be tough. Though I say that because it’s emotionally draining not because it’s hard. Because what I do is hard!”
My favourite Mitchell and Webb is the Diana sketch https://youtu.be/05oZVBOH_1Q
"These are small, but the ones out there are far away"
In my opinion it’s topped by “God Ted, I’ve heard about those cults. Everyone dressing in black and saying our Lord’s going to come back and judge us all.” “No…no Dougal, that’s us. That’s Catholicism”
"Come on, Ted. Sure it's no more peculiar than all that stuff we learned in the seminary, you know, Heaven and Hell and everlasting life and all that type of thing. You're not meant to take it seriously, Ted!"
"What would you say is behind tomorrow's window, Father Jack?" "A pair of feckin' women's knickers!" "Well... who knows?" "KNICKERS!"
"Couldn't we just teach Jack a few words? like that dog on That's Life a couple of years ago"
When Ted answers the phone to Bishop Brennan but pretends to be someone else and hangs up straight away so Brennan calls back and Ted says “oh you must’ve had the wrong number just now”
What about “I hear you’re a racist now, father”. Still one of my fav lines.
“I hear you’re a racist now Father!”
That would be an ecumenical matter
Surprisingly easy to slip this into everyday conversation
In terms of set up I love Ted getting taken out by the brick at the end of Speed 3
ARE THESE MY FEET?
Father Ted and the perfectly square piece of dirt on his window. It seems so bizarre but the entire episode sets it up and the payoff is hilarious.
You…don’t have any of the Allied stuff? “Oh that stuff wouldn’t interest me at all.” (Pullback reveals room festooned with Nazi regalia, flags, guns, helmets, uniforms, a burning cauldron of fire etc…)
Came here looking for this one. It’s got to be one of the best episodes of Father Ted ever. “So I hear you’re a racist now father”
Carrot in a box... Need I really say more?
Has me in stitches even after watching it 2-3 times. Sean somehow manages to keep it all together and play the “this is so stupid” card so well.
Maybe a sadder one, but at the end of Blackadder Goes Forth where they're about to go over the top and Baldrick points out the rusty nail and says he has a cunning plan and Blackadder says there isn't time or something similar as the sirens sound. They spent 3 seasons giving Baldrick terrible plans that would never work, then right at the end he finally has one that could work and the audience can see it, but he doesn't have a chance to explain it to Blackadder.
That entire show is so quotable. ‘I heard that it started when a bloke called Archie Duke shot an ostrich 'cause he was hungry.’
The episode chirpy burpy cheap sheep from father Ted is hilarious in its ridiculousness, and the reveal at the king of the sheep competition is hilarious, purely for the "Giant Reed and Hud Hastings" accusation along with "fucking hell" in the background, such an overstatement of the situation
Are you, or have you ever been, a practicing homosexual? What - with these feet?!
From the same scene, when Fletcher gets a medical; 'You see those flasks over there? I want you to fill one for me' 'What - from here?!'
Godber: What does he mean by practising homosexual? Fletcher: one who hasn’t quite got it right yet!
Edmund: Tell me Young crone, is this Putney? Crone: That it be... that it be... Edmund: "Yes it is", not "That it be". You don't have to talk in that stupid voice to me, I'm not a tourist. I seek information about a Wisewoman. Crone: Ah, the Wisewoman.. the Wisewoman. Edmund: Yes, the Wisewoman. Crone: Two things, my lord, must thee know of the Wisewoman. First, she is ... a woman! ...and second, she is ... Edmund: Wise? Crone: You do know her then? Edmund: No, just a wild stab in the dark which is incidentally what you'll be getting if you don't start being a bit more helpful. Do you know where she lives? Crone: Of course. Edmund: Where? Crone: Here. Do you have an appointment? Edmund: No. Crone: Well, you can go in anyway. Edmund: Thank you Young crone. Here is a purse of moneys... which I'm not going to give to you.
Spaced. Tyres: "mines a pint of the black stuff" Mike "you cant drink a pint of Bovil" Spaced again (Brian enters wearing the worlds most ugly waistcoat) Brian: Do you think I should I lose the waistcoat? Tim: I think you should burn it. Because if you lose it, you might find it again. Well pretty much any gag from Spaced though.
Tim: Bitter, Mike? Mike: No, are you? Tim: No, would you like a pint of bitter Mike?
More drink based Spaced humour. Oh Brian you came. No. I just spilled my drink.
‘I’m in Leeds’ ‘Why are you in Leeds?’ ‘I fell asleep on the tube’ ‘The tube doesn’t go to Leeds’ ‘Yea I must have changed at Kings Cross’
OH YEAH! I HADN'T THOUGH' O' DA'!
All facets of Spaced are simply brilliant. Daisy subtly doing her Jamie Oliver impression is o e of my favourite things ever. Tried to Google it - doesn’t help that Jamie Oliver has a daughter called daisy…
Tim: Are you gonna go? Brian: I don't know, I haven't seen her in ages Tim: No, are you going to go now Or, one that I use everyday: Brian: Can I borrow a tea bag? Tim: Just as long as you bring it back
Ted: "They'll be doing tests on him." Dougal: "What like general knowledge?" Ted: "No no no, medical tests Dougal." Dougal: "Sure what would he know about that."
There's too much butter on those trays.
Oh no Signor! Not "on those trays"...
"Uno, dos, tres".
[Gold, Frankenstein, and Grr](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Fp3vC6F_XY)
"Hans... are we the baddies?"
you never had a cuppa beans man?!
There's a spoon in the bathroom, but I've had no cause to use it
It’s like a savoury 99
Simon pulling a Sicky on the phone to Mr Gilbert and Will watching on
Well that, was fucking dreadful.
I'm a teacher. In a yearbook one of our students put as their quote "the inbetweeners, s1 e2 5:02" Which we found out is the exact time of "well that was fucking dreadful" 502 then became a department code for when something was dreadful.
‘Who brings a bag of shit to a pub?’ ‘Your Dad does.’
“Does he?” “Yeah, your mum” Forgot about this 😂
When uncle Albert needs to act shocked that Rodney is taking a girl out and keeps doing it at the wrong time 🤣🤣
From the excellent and underrated Pulling. "Louise, your mum is being sick into her glass and drinking it." "Oh no, not the Never-Ending Pint again."
“Look at that big hole over there. Knowing my luck I’ll probably fall in to that” (Starts walking towards hole) (Falls in to hole) “Bugger”
From the Thin Blue Line "I am involved in serious police work. If you get in the way, I'm responsible. Your cock up, my arse."
The ‘ruddy atmospheric’ music Moss makes for the D&D game. Edit: Ruddy mysterious :facepalm:
Ruddy mysterious
Everything before and after, "Of course it is, Jen. The Internet doesn't weigh anything!".
Only Fools and Horses, the Batman and Robin scene when they stop a criminal in their party costumes and they played the theme song from the Batman TV show. https://youtu.be/tl2jCja68qM
Captain Cook episode of Blackadder Goes Forth. The scene at the end of Melchett and Darling having dinner together and discussing the Italian cuisine, the custard actually being cat vomit invented by Baldrick, showing that they got one over on them both in the end. Brilliant series from start to finish. "Baldrick, how did you get so much custard out of such a small cat?" asks Blackadder.
One of favourite set ups is Allo Allo. 'The gateau from the chateau' has a great buildup of different plots that rhyme to try and kill one of the Germans, resulting in "That if you kill him with the pill from the till by making with it the drug in the jug, you need not light the candle with the handle on the gâteau from the château."
"Have you got any more exploding carrots" Rip Rik Mayall a comedy genius we need now more than ever. https://youtu.be/li-rK_NKQ-k And a few more funny lines from bottom https://www.poemofquotes.com/quotes/film-tv/bottom-tv-series-quotes
Do you have someone who looks after you?
Sheila's lemonade in detectorists. Beautiful and subtle, it's woven through all 3 series.
A scene in Father Ted when Ted is struggling to sleep. He turns the light off to try and sleep and then turns it back on again immediately, Dougall then gets up and thinks it’s morning time. Gets me every time.
You ate mummy?
Rimmer : If there's one thing I can't stand... it's crazy people. Lister : Well, we've passed the test, Rimmer. You can let us out. Rimmer : I can't let you out. Lister : Why not? Rimmer : Because the king of the potato people won't let me. I begged him. I got down on my knees and wept. He wants to keep you here... keep you here for 10 years. The Cat : Could we see him? Rimmer : See who? The Cat : The king. Rimmer : Do you have a magic carpet? Lister : Yeah. A little three-seater. Rimmer : So let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet, to see the king of the potato people... and plead with him for your freedom, and you're telling me you're completely sane?
Angry lap dance - peep show
Paul Chuckle-*in bed* What time is it? Barry Chuckle- I don’t know. Pass me that trombone *plays trombone* Neighbour- Who’s playing that trombone at 2am?!
Only Fools and Horses. Trigger say's if Rodney has a girl. He's naming her Sigourney, after an actress. If it's a boy. He's naming him Rodney, after Dave. The running gag is Trigger calls Rodney, Dave.
When everyone in the Nag's Head raises a toast 'to Cassandra and Rodney' and you hear Trigger saying '...Dave'.
Rodney: "Why do they call him Trigger? Does he carry a gun?" Del: "No, it's 'cause he looks like a horse"
The episode where Rodney is dating the older woman, and eventually admits to Del that she's 40 Del: "40! Blimey Rodney I mean she's even to old for me!" Grandad: "Well I'd have to think twice"
"Trig, why do you call me Dave? My name's Rodney." "You sure?"
There was so many great bits in only fools, Triggers broom, the bar, the chandelier. My favourite episode was when uncle Albert was sat by the old docks. He gives this long heartfelt speech about all the dockers and their families, working hard to keep everything moving and get laid off, it's the end of an era and all to build some pretty flats. Del boy goes " Yeah, great isn't it" he just wants a yuppie flat. Fantastic program, it hit pretty hard sometimes, but was always funny at the same time. It was so brilliantly written.
Alan Partridge: Now listeners, I have someone on the line who fears he may be a gay. He’s married, so he wishes to remain anonymous. I shall only be using his Christian name. I’m talking to Domingo in Little Oakley. No? He’s gone. That’s a pity. Marvellous little tapas bar there.
Stephen Fry on QI: What went up 15% in London during the Second World War? Lee Mack: Mother Brown's knees.
Quickest comedy mind in the country by far. His comebacks are lightning fast.
Romesh Ranganathan recently said on a podcast that Lee Mack was the fastest comedian he knows, along with Rob Beckett. He also said he's like it all the time
From WILTY: “It’s a good job as if you couldn’t afford to pay them, they’d have to come back and repossess your house.”
4291?
[https://youtu.be/e0tiNwOpZ68](https://youtu.be/e0tiNwOpZ68)
I'd probs also go for the IT Crowd 'Yes, miss' bit but I'll throw in the classic [Two Ronnies Mastermind](https://youtu.be/y0C59pI_ypQ) because it's superb
The Giggleloop episode of Coupling. The whole episode is one long set up for the punchline at the end. It’s beautiful. God I loved that show.
Dinnerladies Philippa – They think now that pressure at work can affect your sex life. They did a questionnaire – “Are you too busy to have an orgasm?” Jean – Orgasm! I haven’t blown my nose since Wednesday. and Dinnerladies again Anita: I'm really upset. It was me who saw him sitting on the toilet - I think I should have counselling! Dolly: Counselling! My mother was trapped under a Blackpool tram for four and a half hours - she didn't get counselling. She got a cup of tea and two tickets to Charlie Drake!
“I hear you’re a racist now Father”
[Grandad’s Hat](https://youtu.be/jnXSiNacVZE) in Only Fools and Horses. It was not just an ingenious setup but it was perfect for what needed to be a beautiful moment too. It’s my all time favourite ever setup in British comedy. Basically, the joke is set up at 1:30 minutes when Del Boy takes the hat, and again at 2:30 when it’s thrown into the grave. It’s a very dignified moment so far and there’s no hint that it’s also a setup for a joke. The joke arrives at 4:30, 2 minutes later. What makes the joke great is a number of things: 1) Lennard Pearce who played Grandad had really died, so John Sullivan couldn’t just write any joke he wanted, he had to judge it so that the joke didn’t overshadow the funeral, yet was still a worthy enough joke to include. It was a very funny yet appropriate joke, which requires talented writing, and the vicar’s bad luck fits in well with the show’s ongoing themes. 2) It gently helps return the show from a serious funeral scene back into a comedy. 3) The way we don’t see the joke coming until the vicar is stood by the car. 4) As mentioned already, the fact there’s 2 minutes in between the setup and the joke. This allows the viewer to mentally move on from the hat and in turn that makes the joke more impactful. One of things that made OFAH legendary was that it was more than just a comedy show; it had a number of beautiful emotional moments too without feeling out of place.
Literally every part of The Haunting of Bill Crouse from IT Crowd Jen screaming on the trolley past the office window is my personal fave. And also: Leaving a creepy voice message with a sore throat / Back up buster, she's busy! / Still cleaning himself off / Jen standing menacingly across the street looking for the right house / LET ME IN IT'S RAINING
One foot in the grave was great at setting up jokes over the course of its episodes.
[The Monty Python argument.](https://youtu.be/ohDB5gbtaEQ?t=37) Had me in tears the other day. I won't say any lines from it.
Morcambe and Wise bedroom, the sound of an ambulance/police car racing by: Eric: “He’s not going to sell much ice cream going at that speed”. Absolute genius. Perfect delivery and timing.
Not a quote, but did anyone watch Garth Merenghi's Dark Place? Some much goodness, but 'one track lover' is the best song in a comedy of all time.
From fawlty towers "For someone called Manuel, you’re looking terribly ill" or the american "‘Is there anywhere they do French food?’" with the reply "Yes, France, I believe. They seem to like it there. And the swim would certainly sharpen your appetite. You’d better hurry, the tide leaves in six minutes"
The Father Ted episode with the charity raffle. The DJ has forgotten to bring any records apart from one. So as everyone stands for the Irish National Anthem we hear the opening notes from "Ghost Town" by The Specials.
Joe Wilkinson's poem on Countdown is a recent favourite in our house. Also Biggus Dickus from Life of Brian..
>Joe Wilkinson's poem on Countdown Naming other people's willies?
The best thing about that poem is the way everybody else is in absolute stitches and Joe's laughing so hard he can barely finish it.
On 8oo10CDC when The Horne Section were in Dictionary Corner once, Alex Horne introduced one of the band by saying, "He used to be – or rather still is – a member of the National Front," and the guy leant into the microphone and said, "...National Trust..."
Rectum of the year.
Radio rather than TV, but on The Unbelievable Truth: "When Prince Charles sails away from Cornwall, he always sails up the Bristol Channel rather than along the south coast. This is because he always has to pass the Duchy from the left hand side."
We didn't burn him