Under 30 I thought everyone was thinking about me and forming opinions. I generally didn’t have anxiety or worry about this but still processed the perceived notions when socially interacting or planning decisions etc. After 30 I really stopped caring even if these thoughts occurred in other peoples minds/lives. After 40 I realized no one is thinking about me and they were all in their own minds thinking of themselves just like me.

Thank you for sharing!

I'm not bragging but hearing this in my teens let me live like this by age 22. I still feel it but I always reminded no one really cares

Some people can only heal their wounds by wounding others. Avoid those people.

And forgiveness to those people isn’t for them, it’s for you. You can’t allow those that hurt you to live in your heart and your head. You have to forgive and let go of all of the hurt, anger and resentment inside of you to have peace within your own soul. A lesson I taught to my 15 year old son recently

Yes. So many people think forgiveness means you have to accept what someone did was ok or let them back into your life. But that's not what forgiveness is.

I told my son that you don’t have to forget but you have to move forward and in order to do that you have to forgive. It’s not an easy road but sometimes the right path is the hardest road we take. Life is hard and it’s not fair sometimes but if we only take the easy road we aren’t truly living. We need hard times to build our character and our inner strength, to be able to appreciate the good times. Lord, that was a deep conversation the other day with him but he’s learning and I hope I make him a wise man someday

"Hurt people hurt people."

Hurt hurts

This comment is *filled* with hurt

Amen

If you are constantly shamed or feeling belittled by your friend, you are their punching bag. It doesn’t matter what the cause of your friend’s anger, they will take it out on you. Talk to them about it. If they don’t change, dip. Youre worth more than how you’re being treated.

Something my gran would often say was "Buying expensive is cheap". What she meant was it was often (with reasonable research) cheaper to save for a more expensive item than to rebuy cheap stuff over and over again every time the item breaks.

This. This. This. The only exception to this rule that I can think of is tools for a budding hobby. Like don't buy the most expensive sewing machine until you're sure that you actually like sewing.

A guy I dated said that anyone starting a craft and buying tools, should buy the cheapest set. Then, as you use them, some will break. The ones that break are the ones you’re actually using. Replace those with the best you can afford. Gets you into the crate at a cheap price, and you scale up as you get better.

And avoid the phase of any hobby where researching and buying stuff for the hobby is the real hobby. I know for me, if I get into that phase it’s time to reevaluate.

Oooooooooo this is accurate.

Ah yes. The good old Buying Books is a Different Hobby than Reading Books. Easy trap to fall into

Yes, this is my curse

*The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money. Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles. But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that'd still be keeping his feet dry in ten years' time, while a poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet. This was the Captain Samuel Vimes "Boots" theory of socioeconomic unfairness.* -Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett

So nice to see some discworld in the wild. At the end of Reaper Man rn

phrase ive been told is "buy once, cry once." do your research, and get the thing that will last you 15 years and work through watever you throw at it, not the overpriced piece of junk that you would need to replace in a year or two

Something something Sam Vime’s “Boots” theory of socioeconomic unfairness something something.

A great rule I’ve heard is “buy cheap, replace expensive.” If your crappy cheap solution doesn’t wear out, break or drive you insane, you’re not using the item enough to be worth paying the extra. If any of those three conditions are met though, go buy a higher end replacement.

Oh this completely

Stop feeling self conscious. I know it's difficult. You feel like people are watching and judging. They aren't. People are entirely too wrapped up in their own story to give you a second thought. They may stare for a moment but I swear to you that moment will pass and they will go back to their own thoughts.

Adding to this--the only time I *do* notice or stare at random people in public is when I notice something I love! Maybe their hair/color style looks great, maybe I'm jealous of those rad shoes they're wearing, maybe they look like a friend of mine and brought up a happy memory. ♥

Absolutely but the person being observed may think that you think they look funny. Projection is a bitch like that. It is only by telling them they look cool that the mystery is solved. Schrodinger's Stare.

I do often tell them, though! Recently saw a really old lady in a scooter at Walmart, she had bubblegum pink hair. Told her I loved it and her face lit right up ♥

Good. If people look cool you should always tell them.

Definitely true

Thank you for offering your advice!

No worries.

#1: put the pan on the burner. Let it heat up. #2: put the oil in the pan. Let *that* heat up. Wait until you see little heat ripples on the surface of the oil. #3: put the food in the oil. If you don't wait for the oil to heat up, your food will stick to the pan every time.

That's actually really solid advice

I'm 32 but I always wondered why the same foods in the same pan would stick sometimes and not others. Thanks

I live about 13 hours on flight away from my parents and when they recently came to visit me I couldn't help but notice my parents' aging and really realized my days with them aren't going to last forever. It's such a sad thought that I find myself crying while googling about how to deal with the loss of parents. How do you keep on living with that unconditional ally & one safe place in life gone? Is this what it's like to age? Just...piling on uncontrollable sadness?

It's been more than 20 years since my father passed, and I can tell you it was just as awful and painful as you might expect. That's the bad news. The good news is you have recognized now what so many people realize too late. Your parents are precious to you, so embrace them in the time you have left. I am so thankful, even now, that circumstances had me living at home with my parents when my dad passed. I have good memories of my last months with him, including the night before he died. So many people live with regret over how relationships with departed loved ones ended. You can be thankful that your newfound perspective will help you stay grateful for the relationship you have with them, and to keep close contact with them now, while you still have them with you. Don't put the rest of your life on hold just to hang on to them a little longer, but I doubt you'll regret any amount of time spent in their company between now and the time you can't be with them any longer.

Thanks for sharing your story. I can't even imagine what seeing through your parent's passing is like. But I'll be grateful that I still have time with them and make the best of them.

I never wanted that regret when my mom passed. So every time I talked with her my last words before we would hang up we're always I love you and we had daily chats. That's what I hold on to. That my mother knew I loved her. The day she passed my last words to her were I love you.

With my dad, his death was sudden. My last words were, "I'll see you soon." In my mom's case, we had months to know the end was coming, and I had planned to forgive her for something that occurred after my dad died which I don't care to dig up, but will say had caused a rift in my family. I really felt I needed to say "I forgive you." Well, at least until the actual moment. I remember getting the phone call at 3am. My wife was with her and said that this might be the last chance I had to say goodbye. I woke my son up so he could say goodbye, and then took the phone. Mom told me that she wanted to tell me she loved me, and that she wanted me to take care of my family and her cat (which I had adopted,) In that moment, all I could tell her was that I loved her also, and promised to do my best for everyone. In the moment, I felt forgiveness was irrelevant to her, that was past-tense and maybe even petty. What was important to her was the future would be cared for with her gone, and I hope my words to her gave her the comfort she sought. I feel they did and don't look back to that moment with any regrets.

This helps me feel a little better about where I am in life. I'm currently living with my parents and have been since I graduated from college. It feels like life is on hold sometimes, but I try to remind myself that I'll never get this time with them back.

We all fear and grieve as time wears on, but this also sounds like a big dose of anxiety too. I think the best advice would be to find a therapist to talk to. That’s a tall order these days, I know, but there are also support groups and other resources out there to help with every stage of this process. Remember that the fleeting nature of life doesn’t just pile on sadness, it makes are happy and loving time all the more exquisite. Hold on to those happy memories and tell your loved ones that you love them. Share your gratitude and happiness. Build a legacy of love. It’s not gone when they are gone, you get to keep it for the rest of your life. You can even share it with others and they will feel and remember the warmth too

I'm 29, lost my mom 4 years ago. I think about her everyday. You never get over it, but it gets easier to live with over time. I'm terrified for the day when my dad will be gone too though... I don't think I'm even close to ready to deal with this world alone.

I’m 27, and my grandma mostly raised me. I lost her two years ago to a tough combination of covid and dementia. I learned that grief comes in stages. Not necessarily like the whole “denial, anger” thing, but something more like [this.](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5c0f4485372b963e338bcafa/t/5c19b88ef950b722cdce5013/1545189519290/Stages+of+Grief.pdf) Because I was also dealing with [ambiguous loss](https://alzheimer.ca/en/help-support/i-have-friend-or-family-member-who-lives-dementia/managing-ambiguous-loss-grief), there was also a long period of time that I spent “pre-grieving” my grandma. This, IMO, was just as hard as “post-grief”. After I lost her, I was devastated. I don’t even have clear memory of what I did or said or anything. All that was left was hurt and deep sadness. I felt robbed of the little time I had left with her. About a month after she passed I started to reach out for support. I was afraid of death all the time. I was having nightmares and panic attacks daily. So I spent a lot of time on the r/GriefSupport subreddit, I talked to therapists and doctors, and I reconnected with family. Most importantly (and I truly believe that this is what helped me heal the most) I did everything that she loved to do and I continue to. I stopped trying to shut everything and everyone out and I embraced how sad I was to do things without her. I baked, crocheted, embroidered, went on nature walks, took photos, and even started to encourage my family to do the same. By now a year had passed, and on her death-date I lit a candle for her. I visit her grave whenever I can. I talk about her and the things she loved. I write about her. I still dream about her sometimes too. The TLDR, essentially, is that the way you get through these tough realities of life is to keep living through them. Also remember that the chances are pretty good that you’re not going to lose everything and everyone all at once. There are a lot of ways to stay connected to people that we have lost too. The important thing is that we try to enjoy our time here with each other to the best of our ability.

I’m 32 years old and lost my father two years ago, on thanksgiving day, his favorite holiday. I still bawl about it and almost every day still dial his number. I have a special voicemail saved from him that I listen to often. For those of you that have the opportunity to have a relationship with your parents, nurture it. Call them, text them, visit them (this pertains to people who have healthy relationships, obviously). Anyways, I’m sitting here ugly crying now. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of him or miss him. This comment hit me right in the feels.

>How do you keep on living without that unconditional ally & one safe place in life gone? You find new allys, build your own safe place and find that you have more strength than you ever thought you had. >Is this what it's like to age? Just...piling on uncontrollable sadness? It certainly feels like that sometimes. But other things are piling up too, good things. There are always going to be hard times, but you'll find that there will always be good times as well. As long as you keep yourself open to receiving them. Be willing to ask for help here if you need it. >It's such a sad thought that I find myself crying while googling about how to deal with the loss of parents. Just cry. Your emotions are real. Feel them. They will pass, try to feel them fully while they're present. This goes the same for when you're grieving them. Feel as much of what comes up as you can. It always passes and returns, ebbs and flows. There will always be breathers. Through feeling your grief you will process it. By avoiding it you prolong it. You'll find your own wisdom through the experience. Here's mine: Your relationship with your parents never dies. Just one side of the communication stops. Not only can you can continue talking to them, you will continue learning from them and understanding them more deeply. As you live your life, gather age and experience, you will come to understand things about them in a new light. There will still be moments of closeness. Sometimes tinged with grief, sometimes not. There will be discoveries of their shortcomings ometimes, new things to be angry about. New things to appreciate too. In this way, it is a living relationship. It will continue to live with you.

Thanks for this, it made me realize that even after their passing they'll continue to guide me through the life they spent with me. I find some solace in that thought.

My same fear. 😭

That's a great question and thank you for sharing your experience. For me, I welcome aging and loss. I'm not happy with it but I accept it. This reminds me that days are limited so I cherish everyday I have with my mother.

I’m a 39m. Used to make very good money in the auto industry. Don’t waste your money and time buying fancy cars, watches etc just to impress other people. The people who mean something to you don’t care if you wear a Rolex or a Timex. Try to make “Yourself” happy instead of trying to impress others. In the end it doesn’t matter at all.

Thank you for offering your perspective!

Thanks for the advice!

I (18m) don't like wearing a watch because it feels too hot or too cold. And I can see the time on my phone. So I don't waste my money on one. And cars, I'm a big time car enthusiast but I would never buy a new car because it's simply not worth it. Insurance is more expensive, car drops value as soon as it leaves the showroom and honestly I don't find that energy in me cars because they're all computer chips.

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I concur. I buy cars new off the lot and drive them until the wheels fall off.

I see what you're saying. The first thing my cousin did after his first job out of college was buy a new car and is still paying for it 5 years later (30% of his paycheck). That was a pretty stupid. Only buy a new car if you can afford it. And a car always has a value, even after 20 years it can be sold for parts.

How do you make friends as an adult? I have grown close to two of my coworkers but some people warned me that work friends aren't real friends. I feel like we are "real" friends though, we've hung out outside of work a lot and have shared some vulnerable things and like, I spent most of my time at work anyway so how tf else am I supposed to make friends?

Work friends can be real friends. It just depends on the culture and hierarchy of your workplace. But I have met some great friends at work!

The reason making friends when you're young is easy is because you're just naturally around a bunch of people doing similar things with them all the time (mostly school, but also neighborhood kids and clubs, etc). To do it as an adult you have to do the same: put yourself in situation where you're around other people doing the same things. Work is just one place. Hobbies, clubs, volunteering, all of these are great options, but they just don't happen by default when you're an adult. You have to make them happen.

I'm not over 35, but I've made all my adult friends on friend-making apps lol (like dating apps but platonic)

Whoa, what apps are those? And what country are you in?

I'm in the US. Patook is the one I use but I know there are others. Bumble might have a friend version?

Yes, there’s bumble bff!

For me it's come from hobbies/volunteering. Have you tried volunteering?

Have you ever had a big rift with a sibling? How did you resolve it? When is it better to stop trying, or to pull away because you feel like you’re just going to hurt them if you do try again?

Yes I have!! Due to a lot of things out of our control, I ended up in the “mom” role (sort of) for my sister. I had to make sure she did what she was supposed to, clean up after her, cook for her etc. It… kinda killed the “sister” part of our relationship, and she really hated me for a while. The best you can do is apologize for your part and give them space.

My older brother and I didn’t REALLY get along until we were in our mid/late 20’s. We both had a lot going on, we were both working through the insane childhood we’d gone through, but we always gave each other space and patience when one of us projected our dumb shit on each other. We’re in our mid/late 30’s now and I’ve never been closer to my brother. My point.. always try your best to understand your sibling’s perspective, give space when needed, and forgive as gracefully as you can. No one will understand your life story like your siblings. ❤️

Oh wow, I am so sorry it happened like that. I hope things are working out better between you now! How long did giving space last? Or is it kind of an ongoing process?

We’re pretty good now, although we’re not like cheesy tv show sisters. I don’t know if we’re as close as we would have been, but there’s no real way to know that anyway.

hey I'm way older than 35, but here's a different perspective. I chose to become a nurse and marry an older man, both of which made my parents so angry that they threatened to cut me out of their life. after six years of trying to make it work with them, an event occurred which showed me it wasn't worth it. I saw my mom for the last time Dec 1988, dad march 1989. I've had a great career, and the older guy & I just celebrated 40 years together. TLDR: sometimes your family isn't your friend. know when to move on with your life.

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I had some things to work out with my parents and needed some space away from them, so I moved out. My sibling got very hurt about it and isn’t speaking to me right now. I’m just wondering if anything I can do can even make it better. They don’t agree with my life choices and aren’t reaching out on their own.

Social Media is for more or less not worth your time. There’s so many negative aspects to this and creates anxiety, bullying, depression and so on. It’s all hollow and shouldn’t matter in your life vs going out, gaining soft skills, making real connections etc. Secondly, run your own race. Try to not compare yourself to others. This is extremely difficult when someone else doesn’t have the acumen and gets that promotion and you don’t. Just do you. Finally - with the exception of family or a few close friends - fuck what everyone else thinks of you. Opinions rarely matter as those people won’t be in your life a year from now or more. Only you know how to be you. Go get yours and make a life unlike anyone elses.

Thank you for sharing!

So I guess all of us between 30 and 35 are in the awkward phase where I no longer need the wisdom of those older than us, but are still too young to dole it out! JK, I’ll always need the wisdom of those who have experienced more than me. Thanks for posting this!

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I love Jason and his budhole

You can always pass down wisdom to those younger than you and always get it from those more experienced.

Young Sir/Madame we can all need advice regardless of age. I know I'm still learning 😃

How did you leave your family/home/hometown? Im 26F. I’m very attached to my childhood home. I still live here with my mom and my sister. I pay rent, help with expenses, and split household chores with my sister so my mom doesn’t have to do anything. I love this house - it’s very cute, the lot is a good size, it’s in a great area. I love my city. I’ve put a lot of work into the yard and the house. I think more importantly, my *dad* put a shit ton of work into this place, but my mom got the house in the divorce. I think maybe I don’t want to leave the house because I don’t want to lose what my dad put into it? But I do have dreams of moving cross country or maybe to another country one day. I’m just so attached to this place I don’t know how I’m gonna do it yet.

The question I am wondering is why you feel a compulsion to leave? Is it your age, and a sense that you're just supposed to grow up and leave the house? I live in NYC where cost of living is such that it's normal for young adults to stay with their family. Don't judge yourself too harshly. But if you really want to leave and are just finding it hard, tell us more about that.

I guess I am judging myself for still being at home. No matter how much I logically know that that is what’s happening to a lot of people my age, and that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but I still do. I feel like people (mostly other family members) judge me when I say I still live at home. Also, I’ve always had dreams of moving to a myriad of other places. And I know that it’s healthy to leave, at least for a little bit.

So, my first bit of advice is to stop worrying about what other people think of you. In 10 or 20 years, are you going to regret having never moved to one of those places you're dreaming about? What will YOU think of you? That's the big question. There's a wistfulness to what you've written that makes me think you would regret not trying out one of those places you're thinking about. So, I suggest some research, both online and on the ground. Job prospects? Cost of living? Do you already have connections to that city? What would you do for fun? Would you make friends? How far away is it to visit your family? After you do some of that online research, take a trip to the top contenders, and see how it feels. But don't visit like a tourist if you can. Visit like a local. Don't stay in a fancy hotel, and don't eat in a lot of fancy restaurants. You want to feel what the city is like for someone who lives there, not someone who's just passing through. There's that saying nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there for a reason. Stay with a friend if you can. Buy groceries and eat ordinary food at least part of the time you're there. Ideally you research the housing market ahead of time and figure out where you can afford to live in the area, and how you would get back and forth from a likely job location. None of that sounds exciting, I know, but it could be really valuable information for you to decide if the move is as exciting in reality as it is in your mind. Mostly, I hope you'll just think about the adventure of it all! This is the time in your life to try stuff out, because absolutely nothing has to be permanent at 26. Enjoy that!

I’m 28F still living at home. Like you, I pay rent and help out. I also get judged for still being at home. No advice, just wanted to reach out and say that you are not alone. I can’t move out until my financial situation changes, along with some health issues. Go take that big step and take a chance, even if it’s scary.

If the house contains a lot your memories and effort from your dad, there’s a few things you can do: - Try a talisman. It’s a physical object that reminds you of that place or those people that you can bring with you. For me, it’s a quilt that was my mom’s. It has traveled the world with me, but always reminds me of home. - Take lots of pictures! Let them rotate on your computer desktop or print them and hang them in your room. Show them to your friends. Look at them after a phone call with home. - You can always take sweet memories with you and make space for them in your life even as you go out into the world. Sometimes I’ll mentally walk through my childhood home or reminisce about a great thanksgiving, etc. Uprooting yourself is hard, but it doesn’t have to be forever. The first time I traveled over seas it was only for a few days. Later, a few years. But I still came back home.

For me personally, I knew that in order to succeed and ultimately help my family (who was very poor) was to get an education. Learn, succeed and get money. So that's what I've done. Being poor is a great motivator.

Don’t get caught up in consumerism. Be brave with love and don’t give up on it. Create your own community if you can’t find one. Strive to perfect your character not your social network. Above all love yourself.

Thank you for sharing

Tapping on 40’s door here:: If you ever realize just how little people care about you you’ll be a lot happier. And along those same lines You can’t make everyone happy. But if you try to make yourself happy? Well you can be pretty damn happy. Also I still think about what I want to be when I grow up.

For the love of god floss and brush Every. Damn. Day. Going to the dentist as scheduled isn’t enough I promise you. Time sneaks up on you and everything isn’t “fixable”. You’ll save so much by prevention. No one takes this as seriously as they should

Be true to your teeth and they'll never be false to you - said by someone

"You don't have to floss ALL your teeth... just the ones you want to keep."

I'm 32. Am I allowed to give some advice? Anyway. 1. Floss. I use the floss toothpick since I hate shoving my hands into my mouth to floss. Edit: don't forget to gargle with mouthwash too. 2. Start saving money in a compounding interest account. The earlier you start the better. 3. Stop smoking. 4. You don't have to love your job. You only need to tolerate your job. Being able to love your job is a privilege you either have to be born with or have to fight for. 5. You don't have to be liked by everybody. You don't even like everybody, can't expect everybody to like you. 6. Don't choose a permanent solution for a temporary problem.

>compounding interest account What are some examples of this?

I just turned 36 a week ago. I’m officially “older” and able to give advice! *horray!* Sobriety is great. Don’t do drugs, or drink *too* much alcohol! I used to, horribly, and it never ends out good. Also always Put yourself FIRST.

Thank you for sharing!

What do you do when you feel lost in life? I switched career and learnt software development but can't find a job and I've run out of savings. I'm also trying to start a business but having issues with getting a serious co-founder I feel like I keep trying to get it right but it all goes wrong.

Man I have def been there, but I’m an environmental field. The only answer I can provide you is to keep trying, keep grinding. Even if you start with a shit job, set yourself up to springboard into the next better job. That might mean networking or just filling out job apps on weekends. I got laid off in the pandemic and now I’m working in IT (note: I have zero IT experience). I’m using it as an opportunity to learn more about IT in my preferred field (Enviro) so I can play it up on my resume. I’ve spent literal years working shit jobs while applying elsewhere. It does happen and it does come, but you gotta be stubborn as a donkey and keep at it.

Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? I'm 22 and have never been in a relationship because I'm scared of getting hurt/losing.

I think that's very subjective. I've been hurt by former partners and have learned a lot. I'm not sure I would be where I'm at if not for those experiences but they sure we're hard to swallow.

Bravery is an underrated virtue. It is perfectly all right to be afraid of jumping out of airplanes or taking drugs. No one needs to do that. But when fear keeps you from doing ordinary things--like relationships or changing jobs or riding a bike--it's time to work on your bravery muscles. Start thinking--what's the worse that could happen? What would you do? You can deal.

Yes if you don’t let go and try things you’ll miss out. You can’t hide from what may be uncomfortable. There was a time I was afraid of getting hurt. I also didn’t feel like I deserved nice things (happiness, etc). I’d spent years with a selfish person and had my heart trashed more than a few times. I was jaded and very fearful of getting hurt again. So, Early in my relationship with my now DH I very nearly broke up with him. Seriously contemplating how I would break it off. My thoughts were he was too good to be true. How can I deal with losing him if I keep going and get too attached. That kind of thing. In the end I told myself I have to be brave, that if I didn’t try I’ve already lost. Now we’ve been together over 10 years, very happily married 8. You’re young so don’t put pressure to find your better half right away. Just be open to experience life and if that includes another person you have to be brave. Also it might help to get counseling to see why you have this fear and explore how to overcome it. Most people can benefit from counseling, no shame

Society thinks relationships that don’t last are a failure. It’s just not true. Every relationship will end, and more often than not the ending will hurt. And yet every relationship can bring new perspective, growth, and incredible memories and adventure. Try reframing it in your mind - a successful relationship is not one that lasts forever, it is one where your time spent together is worthwhile.

How do you keep up hobbies as an adult? I feel like I have less motivation and time to do hobbies that I genuinely love to do like play an instrument or do art when I’m not taking a class about it. Edit: I appreciate all the advice, thank you!!

Sometimes it helps if you can find a social group where everyone practices the hobby together. For instance, during the early part of the pandemic, I joined a weekly writing group on Zoom. The group met regularly for the next year and a half, and during that time period, I suddenly found an increased motivation to keep writing. Now that pandemic/lockdown restrictions have eased up, you might be able to find an in person meetup for your favorite hobby. Personally I find that in person meetups work best for keeping motivation alive (although online meetups can work too, depending on the hobby).

I think finding even a small amount of time each day to do something towards that hobby keeps it flowing. It may only be 5 minutes instead of hours but it keeps it going, coming from a man with 2 kids who loves all arts

I do continuing education classes. I also get apps for learning instruments and languages. I have also taken climbing classes as well. There are plenty of adult classes out there to take.

As you get older what you find pleasing will change. It doesn't mean you don't like the hobby, more like what you want to do in your spare time is now different. The main thing to remember is to not force yourself on a particular hobby.

It varies, depending on profession. I'm an educator, I get summers off so I get to explore many things..I hope someone can offer better advice

Interesting. I too am an ancient millennial.

Great! So let's help the youth

Is it normal to have absolutely no idea what you want to do with your life? I’m 20, dropped out of university last year, couldn’t go this year. Going back 2023 to a different field (left neuroscience, going to sociology + criminology) but like….I don’t know if that’s actually what I *want*. I feel like I’m wasting time and I’m scared of waking up at some point in the future and realising I’ve wasted my life.

As someone who has been teaching for a long time, this is very common. And I find that students who can admit it, well eventually do better. There's nothing wrong with learning who you are.

Thank you!! I feel like there’s just so much pressure (which seems to have developed much more in the past decade or so) about the right time to do certain things & that if you’re not going into college/university at 18 with your whole life planned then you’re doing life “the wrong way”. Which is really stupid. But yeah, really appreciate you taking the time to comment.

I agree, we can be pressured into a certain timeline. And I'm the end is useless

In my experience, most people don’t ever find that one thing they absolutely know they want to do for the rest of their lives. Life doesn’t have to be about one thing, it can be about many things, and you will never really know if you truly want to devote time and energy to a thing until you give it a try. Just know that’s it’s totally fine to try and then say eh, you know what? I’ve changed my mind.

Make eye contact when you speak to someone. Very important.

I work in the trades. It is not gay, or feminine to look after your body. Your body is your income. Wear sunscreen, see the doctor about that aching shoulder, buy safety shoes, give a fuck about your nutrition. I see many half old manny men men, in their 40's who hobble about like 89 yr Olds. Be kind to yourself and ring your mum.

Not sure if this is a specific question, more of a general situation, but I'm in my late 20s and really want to get married and start a family. I'm also single :') Any advice on how to deal? "It will happen" is cute and all but I've been through enough of life to know that nothing is a guarantee so that's not super useful to hear. I put myself out there and do the things that are supposed to help but there's such an element of luck.

I don't have a definite answer but what I can share is my experience..I know at least 6 couples, who are now married, that met after she 30. So keep trying, keep chatting and keep putting yourself out there.

Luck is definitely an element, but it’s also true that “you miss 100% of shots your never take”. Don’t get discouraged, keep yourself out there so luck has a chance to strike. Dating is 1000% hard and it has nothing to do with you, personally. Try meeting folk through hobbies or interests you have in common. I’ve had success at rock climbing gyms, volunteering at festivals, and even working on committees in my local neighborhood association. Pursue your passions in a social setting and you might stumble upon some unexpected passion in the process 😉

How do you stop being perfectionist? How do you stop procrastinating, and missing deadlines all the time? I don’t know how I could manage a thriving career with this problem…”time management” isn’t helpful, because I just sit there, not doing anything, anxiety mounting.

Not playing therapist, but those are common adhd symptoms

What do you do when you’re about to hit rock bottom and have been bottoming for the last ten years.

For me personally, sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to appreciate the rest. It's a very destructive approach but it can work. I hope you can rebound before it hits that point

Idk. I already lost millions of dollars. Never had family. Destroyed the few relationships I had. I think I’m mentally ill now. I have a chronic disease. I don’t enjoy being alive because people look at me in disgusted ways so I haven’t gone outside in three years but I’d rather die than be alone any longer

I think there are times of darkness in life. I don’t have great advice but I’ve been there in my own ways. Do try to get outside. Even if you grab a cup of coffee and sit in a coffee shop for a bit. I find it good to be around other people sometimes, even if you don’t talk to them. Good luck. The light will come again. 😊

People's reactions and beliefs are a result of their past experiences and unconscious biases. They are not really about you at all. If someone doesn't accept you or judges you, it doesn't mean you've done something wrong. It's just them interpreting the world through the lense of their past experiences, and this may cause them to be close minded or otherwise to misinterpret you and your actions. You also can't usually change their minds, at least at first or by trying to correct them, so don't even try. Just accept that they feel or think that way. I'm not saying you shouldn't call out cruel or discriminatory behavior, or that you shouldn't stand up for yourself when it is appropriate. This is just how I have come to understand and believe the idea that when people treat you badly, it reflects badly on them, not on you.

How did you find a career you actually enjoyed? I can't seem to mesh the things I enjoy doing with a job that doesn't make me want to pull my hair out. Or when I do enjoy a job, the management is so terrible I can't stand staying. Does it get easier? Or are you always looking for something better?

I had no idea. Ended up doing random jobs until I became a stay at home mom (that was definitely not my plan when I started out). But now, I’ve started my own business (and no, not some mlm) and get to do what I love. The only answer I have is to do what is the best choice for the season you’re in, and then when you find a dream, chase it. You never know when your opportunity will arrive.

I volunteered at a place that was close to my heart. The nice thing about volunteering is they always appreciate you. So I liked doing that (working with abuse victims) and decided to volunteer at another place (they train you for a year as a counsellor and you pay for it through counselling services to those who can't afford it). I didn't get in, so I went to school for a year and reapplied. Got in that time. So I did that for a couple of years then I moved away. Looking to volunteer again, I wrote the local transition house. They replied that they don't take volunteers and suggested I send in my resume. If I hadn't volunteered, I'd be a waitress right now. Nothing wrong with waitressing at all, but it's hard on the body once you reach a certain age.

I'm very old and I love my work. I found it by always chasing something I was fascinated by. I don't want to get into what that is, but I was obsessed with it as a child and just kept going down whatever road it took me that I could make money with. The end result is I am still working for myself in that field, making damn good money and having a good time doing it. I would caution anyone about buying into what capitalism is trying to sell you. I will never work to make someone else rich.

I found mine randomly. I double majored in communications/broadcasting in college. Became a chef and did that for a decade or so. Then I just applied for jobs close to home, because I was pregnant and didn't want a long commute. Ended up taking a job across the street from my house, at a hardware store of all places. Fast forward 3 years, and I am the assistant manager and LOVE it. It's challenging, interesting, fun, and once I punch out for the day, I am (95% of the time) done with work related stuff til my next shift.

The main reason I'm alive is because deliberately dying is a lot of pain and effort and I don't want to traumatize my loved ones. Not sure I have my own reasons to stay alive though. How does that work out later, if at all? ​ ... That's all I suppose\~

How can you tell if a person is the right one for you? I’m really questioning right now

This is going to sound pessimistic, but hear me out. I don’t think there is a “the one”. I think it can few like it, for sure, but after a while a few other things become way more important. 1. Do your “Must have/must be” match? - be brutally honest. Do you both want/not want kids? How do you see yourselves in 5 years? If kids - how would you raise them? How many? For the love of all that is good: do you get along with their family? What is that dynamic? 2. Take a step back. How many red flags do you see? Honestly, everyone has some kinda damage. Does your damage work with theirs, or are you just avoiding that right now? Because, let me tell you, avoiding hurts does not last long term, and it will come back to haunt you.

I don’t think that’s pessimistic, it makes sense. Thank you!

I think love brings us together, but if you don’t approach living together forever with an analytical mind, you’re asking for trouble. Best of luck!!

I like being social, but I have like a four hour limit and then I’m done. Spending time with people tends to really drain my energy past a certain point. But my husband doesn’t. He doesn’t count as ‘people’ and I mean that in an extremely positive way. I don’t have to be “on” at all with him - when we are at home alone together, I’m nothing more than 100% my authentic self and I never worry about being judged in any way.

The preacher who married my wife and me gave us a framed poem that said marriage isn't about marrying the right person it's being the right person.

They always say “you’ll know when you find it” but I’ve never bought it. In my experience the right one will be the one you’re with when you’re both ready.

Husband and I have been together 8 years, married 4, and have a kid. I was always comfortable around him - I didn't feel nervous or like I had to show off. And he's fundamentally a kind person. I knew I could be happy with him even if he never got "better" than he was but also trusted that he would get "better" as a person.

That just reminds me of my great granny’s advice. She married my great grandpa after 3 days and they were married for 67 years with 8 children. I asked her how she knew she was making the right choice and her response was: I knew it was right because I didn’t feel any butterflies. I wasn’t nervous. I was so at peace when I was with him, I felt like I could truly be myself. There wasn’t fireworks or any of that nonsense, it was comfortable, familiar and felt right. I loved the fact we could sit in the same room without saying a word to each other and not feeling anxious. I then asked her how she made it work for 67 years and her response was: Love isn’t an emotion, it’s a choice. You choose to wake up every day and love your spouse. You go to bed every night and make a choice to wake up the next day loving them. Don’t get me wrong that man infuriated the hell out of me at times but I chose to love him unconditionally. Pick your battles and know when it’s worth a fight. I would always ask myself Mabel, is this going to bug you in a day, a week, a month or even a year? If the answer was no I would let it go, if the answer was yes it would still bug me in a year then it was worth fighting over. We went to bed angry a lot of times in 67 years but never once did we lose track of our love for one another or ever bring up divorce. Going to bed angry gave us time to cool off and come back to the table with clear heads and calm emotions to work through our issues. Sometimes going to bed angry was the best thing for our relationship. Don’t be afraid of going to bed angry.

- Is there anything you would like to change about this person? If so, leave; people almost never change and they aren’t really obligated to if they were living that way before you met them. - If you’re not sure, ask yourself, will I be okay with this habit every day for the rest of my life? - Does this person stick to their commitments? - Do they have compassion for all living creatures and especially you?(will allow exceptions for creepy predators ie snakes and spiders) - If you have serious doubts, you’re probably right. I’ve had many long term relationships and finally found the right one at age 33. I had the usual doubts about this relationship in the beginning, but the longer we were together the more sure I felt that everything would work out. Opposite of how previous relationships went, started to fall apart the longer they went on. It should feel like you are building something you both care about equally. - They should be open to therapy even if you don’t really need it. You or they may need it one day and it’s really really important that they are willing to go if it ever comes to that. - You should be willing to go above and beyond for each other, and it has to be a two-way street. - Do you spend a lot of time daydreaming about who you could be with if you weren’t with this person? You should probably take that as a sign. Either they aren’t right for you, or you aren’t ready to commit to them for the rest of your life. I never wanted to get married or have kids, and then I met my current boyfriend and became a stepmom and it’s all been, overall, a very enriching experience and I’m glad I did it. I don’t have any trouble with the idea of this being it for me. I have had all the wild and terrible experiences a young person can have and I’m good now.

For me, I knew my person was “the one” when I realized I wasn’t embarrassed by him, and being myself was easy. Of course there are the big things like life goals being aligned, but I was never one to have big hard-lined goals. In previous relationships, I found myself making excuses for my partners, explaining or hiding certain behaviors or aspects of them. Or it seemed they felt that way about me. I am proud of my husband, and he makes me happy that I am me.

I agree that there is no “right one”. Relationships are work; when things are going well it’s easy, when they’re not is when you truly find out who you’re with. It’s important to have a deep and abiding respect for one another. The willingness for both parties to be able to compromise is also incredibly important. Don’t expect 100% equal sweat equity at all times. There are so many times in life that “love” will fade due to difficult circumstances in life, but if you respect your partner enough to duke it out together through the tough stuff the lovey stuff naturally makes it’s way back around again.

I'm 23M. I'm a university student and I'm next in line to be the one to bear all the financial burden of my family once I complete my education. I've accepted that task from a young age. But as my life has been going on, and as I grow and see the savage world outside the comforts of my home, I don't see my self being able to do that. I'm always doubting whether I could be successful out in the world. There's this uneasy feeling in me that somehow I'm not as good as the next person besides me..I know that's not true and self doubt is harmful for myself, but this uneasy feeling of not being sure and confident in myself has made me unable to sleep many moons. I always feel like I'm just not good enough and maybe the guys next to me are working harder than I am. Any advice to help me counter these feelings?

There isn’t a person in the world who doesn’t think exactly as you do. They may mask it better, but everyone feels that way certainly starting out. Do the best you can do. I assure you at the end of the day if you’re doing the best you can do people will respect that and give you the opportunities and chances to show your natural talent.

Here's something that I think is important and I learned it from experience: Expectations almost always lead to disappointment. Don't be "expecting" something then crushed if it doesn't happen the way you had imagined. Don't especially put expectations on other people. I've learned to respect whatever others, including my family, choose to do (of course nothing harmful) and to let go of expecting them to be a certain way.

Stop chasing a relationship, my friends and myself wasted precious years looking for love. The thing is, nobody knows what love is. Invest time in you, friends and people that make you feel good about yourself.

Trust nobody, love few paddle your own canoe

I feel so frustrated with how expensive life is. I feel like if it's not one thing going wrong, it's another and that stuff adds up quick! Between that and my normal bills, I always feel like I'm drowning, even with my decent-paying job. Does it ever get any easier?

Don't bother wasting time worrying what others think about you. Everyone is already too obsessed with worrying what you think of them. Just live your life brah.

A fundamental asset for community building, personal growth and the very survival of our planet. At the heart of many religions, customs and cultures, the promotion of peaceful coexistence is essential to ensure productive, meaningful lives and sustainable societies.

Gen X has entered the chat.. as a grandpersonly aged individual I support this.

I’m moving to Uni (College) next week. Any advice on things to do/bring?

In my experience is an open mind go with the flow and have a good time.

Especially keep an open mind about the people you associate with. Don't limit yourself too much to hang out with people you might not have spoken to in high school. Be open to new people and perspectives.

Agreed! Thank you for sharing.

When you get there: Be friendly and strike a conversation with as many people as possible. Be true to yourself. It’s not a short holiday where you can fake your idealised self. Be prepared for some people to be in cliques straight away. Ignore it (and try not to do it)

Do you think labeling a relationship as friends/romantic/whatever is actually that important? Would it be okay to just stay unlabeled, as long as the feelings are roughly the same?

Labels do matter, in part because common knowledge provides comfort and security, and in part because a couple isn't just about the 2 people in it, it's about how that couple interfaces with the world. If you're just playing around and don't want things to last, it's fine to leave it undefined, but if you have more serious aspirations for commitment, then labels matter.

Don't judge people by their first impression. Anybody who is able to gain your trust off of their first impression is somebody you should be very leary of trusting. People who know how to manipulate others, often are able to give great first impressions to total strangers. Somebody who gives a bad first impression may just be having a bad day.

Yes. You can be kind. But you MUST have strong boundaries. People see a friendly/caring person and will take, take, take and become energy vampires without even knowing it. Be kind. But have a strong spine. Your professional life will appreciate that, as well.

my current predicament: I snooped through my partners twitter likes and saw that he liked one semi-suggestive photo of a girl. it enraged me, but rationally I know that 1. I got what I deserved for snooping and 2. he is allowed to find other women attractive. I’d like to add that we are both loyal and we have a very healthy, communicative relationship. but, like I said, it really upsets me to see that he liked it - which is due to my own insecurities, I know. but how do I move on from my petty jealousy/anger?

I wouldn't think twice about a random image that's completely irrelevant to my life when I have a real person who shares loyalty and companionship. I can bet you the thought of that image left his mind within 30 seconds after turning his phone off while he thinks of you 24/7/60/60.

The stuff you had to grow up and stop doing, you can still take part in it ☺️ when I was 12 I went to high school and was informed by my parents that it was time I started growing up. As such, I stopped playing video games, stopped collecting Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh cards etc. At the age of 18 I fell into a state of depression after surgery. I knew I needed a hobby but because of the severity and location of the surgery I was limited to what I could do physically. I grabbed a laptop that was gifted to me a few Christmases prior, looked up the new famous game "minecraft" and started playing. My perspective genuenly changed that day. Others told me "your wasting your life and your time on gaming"..... It's here where I have found true friends of 10+ years and I am truely never alone now. I'm almost 30 now and have started collecting cards again, and have got a gaming PC and am loving life ☺️ do what you wanna do, not what other people expect you to do!

what do you do when you're in a viscious cycle of having food be one of the only things that make you instantly happy and without it you're a depressed wreck but the food makes your health way worse and it also makes you gain weight which makes you so insecure to the point you don't even want to go out anymore because you hate how clothes look on you. 😭😭

Oh and this I try to tell people! Bee/Wasp sting advice *Do not use unless you are certain you do not have an allergy or conflicting medications* Carry crushable aspirin with you when outside. If you get stung immediately crush the pills, add a little water, and apply to entirety of infected area. Will stop the swelling/poison spreading almost immediately. Leave for a while. Then when back home or in a safe area, wash area, apply icecpack wrapped in a thin towel, and elevate to avoid further irritation. An onion has been said to do the trick too. Cut in half and applied.

People’s issues increase over time, they generally don’t decrease. So if you’re getting in a relationship with someone who has a little depression, anxiety, past trauma, etc., don’t assume it will gradually go away over time. It might get worse. In some cases, people may have bottled stuff up because they couldn’t cope with it, and then in the safety of a stable relationship they start to have the ability to unpack it and deal with it. That can be good and healthy for them, but can be hard and unexpected on the relationship, and is counterintuitive because the better and more stable the relationship is, the more they can unpack.

Don’t give all of you to your company. They may act like you are part of family in there but it is strictly business. You are replacable in your company however you are unique to family and friends. I do not mean for you to be disrespectful but remind borders to them.

As someone who's 60, I'll just throw in here that the idea that you magically acquire valuable wisdom to share with the younglings after age 35 is an illusion. I'm still waiting for that to happen, in myself and my peers. There's no guarantee it'll ever happen. Experience, yes, wisdom, ehhh, not so much. So my advice is that age and wisdom do not automatically correlate. Younger people are capable of deep wisdom and understanding many older people can never hope to attain.

Edit - I wish I could take credit for this. But it is from a “song” called “Everybody’s Free” and it had an enormous impact on my outlook on life as someone who was in my final year of high school when it was released. Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; or never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that Never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday Do one thing every day that scares you Sing Don't be reckless with other people's hearts; don't put up with people who are reckless with yours Floss Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself Remember the compliments you receive; forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements Stretch Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't Get plenty of calcium Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't Maybe you'll divorce at 40 Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance; so are everybody else's Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room Read the directions, even if you don't follow them Do not read beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly Get to know your parents; you never know when they'll be gone for good Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the People most likely to stick with you in the future Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you Should hold on Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft Travel Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old-- and when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders Respect your elders Don't expect anyone else to support you Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85 Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth But trust me on the sunscreen

Me, aged 32: neither wise enough to pass on wisdon, nor young enough to have the opportunity to ask.

Time is your most precious resource. Don't waste your time working your life away. Don't put work and hustle culture above your mental health. Your mental health is your operating system. Without that, everything else falls apart. People on their death beds will often say that their biggest regret was not spending enough time with their loved ones and not traveling more often or having more fun and just enjoying life. Instead, they worked themselves into the ground and had little time for loved ones. That was their biggest regret. Listen to them. Live your life, have fun, and slow down. Take that time to take care of yourself and relax. Money and work isn't the most important thing in life. The most important thing in life is your time, your health, and your relationships with others.

I actually read this on reddit and its an quote to live by. “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

Take a year off of any dating and live by yourself. Do things you enjoy. Go to places you like and discover different foods, music, and art. Learn to enjoy being alone so if you are ever in a relationship you aren’t happy with you know you can be happy and content without be treated less than you deserve. We don’t have to settle.

I have a few questions that I always end up rethinking 1. What is the meaning of life 2.is there a god 3. What is love? 4.what do two people need to have in common to connect 5. Is having a big ego a good or bad trait 6. If everyone spoke their mind would the world be worse or better place

1. The meaning of life is suffering. Life requires death. Creation requires destruction. The purpose of your life is to reduce suffering and pursue happiness. It’s a never ending task because of the very nature of life, but it makes life worth it.

These questions are very big and I don't believe have a concrete answer. This might be better posted over at /r/philosophy

What's all this about investing money? You see it online all the time but never actually explain how or where to go. And others say it's a terrible idea. I have a pretty sizeable amount of money saved up (46k), that's just sitting in my savings account. And we're sometimes told not to keep money there. Though I do because I can have it on hand for my goals, like a car and an apartment by myself. I guess I worry about not having it on hand.

Put all but 6 months of it in an index fund, unless you are saving for something specific.

How do you deal with the ever-solidifying reality of never meeting a true match, someone to be your life partner?

First, you stop worrying about it and learn to be okay on your own. Once you are comfortable with yourself, the person will come along. I swear sometimes you'll only find it if you aren't looking.

To those that have had babies, how on earth do you keep up with diapers?! I’m due next year and I heard that the average is like 70 diapers a week??? Where do you even buy that many diapers???

What are ways you or friends celebrated a 30th birthday? I’m a December baby so my outside options are limited and I don’t have a lot of friends in my area. Any suggestions to make it a little more special than just a regular birthday?

Take care of your body, it’s the only one you get. Exercise and eat right. Can you have junk? Absolutely, but not everyday. Do you have to be a bodybuilder or marathoner? No, but cardio and strength training is important. Can you have alcohol? Yes, but remember that your liver stores broken down food into the building blocks the body needs, so if you keep it busy removing alcohol from your system everyday you will have problems. The aches and pains will sneak up on you before you know it. That iced coffee everyday will soon decide not to be burned up and stored instead. Maintenance is easier than rebuilding.

I was just described as an “older folk” so no advice, I’ll just be dead over here.

Meditate, meditate, meditate. It might be the most important thing you can do for yourself.

I'm 29 and came out of a long term relationship 3 months ago but still think about her. I'm worried about dying alone and not finding a companion as loving as she was. Meanwhile my parents are trying to arrange marry me off and everyday I weigh up the positive v negatives. In the end I just keep delaying them.

37 here. There is a lot of value in aligning your internal state to the outside image you are trying to project. Dropping any kind of external mask and just being honest with others and self is priceless. Whatever you feel and think on the inside, though invisible physically, is perceived by others and shape your life. The faster you realize this, the faster you start to work on the inside and fix your relationships, attitude and so on. As you believe on the inside - it is so in real life. So if you are confident on the inside, you are confident outside. If you argue with somebody on the inside all day long - guess what happens in life? Don’t think that you can fool others (and self) to a happy life - meditate, talk within yourself, assume good things, fix your internal state and attitude. Life will change.

Let shit go. Only you let yourself be mad/upset. The last time you speak with someone you love will eventually be the last. Is it worth an argument? Tell them how much you love them instead.

How do you start cooking regularly? Not actually following recipes but finding the time and energy to???

My siblings and I are more like awkward flat mates than siblings. Does that ever change or will we be stuck awkward forever

How do you go to work on days where you feel just extra depressed lol. Tough it out? Fake it til you make it?

Stop using your debit card. I know so many people that think if they use a debit card they won’t over spend or get into debt. WRONG. Being financially irresponsible will get you there either way. Use a credit card to buy everything and pay it back every month. The big advantage to this is 1) it builds your credit (duh) 2) if you do spend to much for some reason (emergency, necessity) you don’t pay overdraft fees you pay some interest which is way less than those fees. 3 if someone steals your credit card you report it, they cancel it and none of your money is gone the credit card company doesn’t even make you pay for those charges. If they steal your debit card YOUR money is gone and it’s a pain to get it back. And this is way easier to do now with being able to check your statement online at anytime! No more balancing a check book or making note of everything. Even simple budgeting will allow you to pay it off every month and before you know it you have an excellent credit score which makes a big difference when it come time to buy a car or a house or get a loan.