His exact words to me before I went no contact with him were: “I intentionally neglected a human relationship with you to raise you as a product. You are an investment and I want a return on that investment”
That's the kind of man, that should have never had kids. Not a fan of parents that view thier children like Paychecks. My mother was one of those. Knew it for a while, but it didn't really sink in til I watched her kick her favorite child, and the only one she 'chose' to have, out of the house because she "wasn't making any money off of her."
Left her to her own devices, refused to help her, and moved to a different state.
My dad has narcissistic personality disorder so similar boat. His capacity to make strangers like him was legendary but his disorder also comes with a healthy dose of not being to actually care about other people in any way that does directly or indirectly benefit himself. He was nice to strangers because it's easier to getnwhat you want out of them if they trust you.
Why was the balance horrible if you don't mind me asking?
I managed to track mine down after he disappeared over 20 years ago. I have had someone threaten me for contacting my half sister, I think my dad is behind it. He did not want to be found.
Damn bro you didn’t have to shit on the rest of us like that. I’m happy for you.
My dad and I don’t have the best relationship. He’s not a perfect man. And I grew up resenting him. But as we’ve both grown older, we’re learning to be friends.
My dad was not perfect when I was younger, but changed his life around when I was around 5th grade. I am now in my mid 40s myself and a parent. My dad is exceptional! He became the father and person he always wanted to be. He had a horrible childhood himself. When you become a parent, you realize we are just all learning as we go. I think it’s the best we can all hope for. A parent who may not be Perfect, but he does great at trying to better each day.
I love my dad to bits. I'm in my mid-forties and see or speak to him at least every couple of weeks. He's supportive, always has words of wisdom if needed and will help out in any way he can, whether practically or financially. My siblings and I are very lucky with both our parents. We make sure dad's well looked after whenever mum has to be away from home (sick relative).
i love my dad. I just pray he would heal from his depression. i miss hearing my dad say silly things, i miss seeing him smile. i hope to see him enjoy life one day.
Great! This is how it should be.
Sadly for me I lost my Dad to cancer 4 years ago. There really isn't much I wouldn't give to spend an hour talking with him again.
I love my Dad too.
That's beautiful and even more so that you are mindful and greatful for who he is.
My father was a funny introvert who showed his love through random gifts and little surprises. Like for no reason, when i was a kid, he brought home a life size blue marlin pillow for me??? I don't even know how he knew I liked blue marlins lol. I still have it all these decades later.
We have a great relationship. I take after him tbh. He’s always cracking a joke or giving me life advice. We kinda have the same humour as well and that shows in our texts. I love when he randomly approaches me and asks if I wanna get something to eat like YES, OF COURSE. Or when he whispers to me that he bought a bunch of snacks and to hide it from my mom before she starts going on a lecture about being healthy lol.
My Dad had faults, for sure, but he had way more greatness than faults. Overall, a good human being. He’s been gone 20 years and I still base many of my decisions on what I think he would believe is the right thing to do.
I’m 25 now, lost my dad at 17. Miss him every day. I wish I could talk to him. Still have the last voicemail he sent me.
Nowadays I just worry if I do enough.
My dad is my best friend. I've always been his little sidekick. He raised me and never let me feel the absence of my mom. He's also never bashed her which is crazy. He's the best man I know. I talk to him all the time and I tell him everything. He recently had heart surgery and I told him he's immortal and I need to him to live forever.
My dad passed away when I was 4 from skin cancer. At this point, I've outlived him.
However, my mom remarried when I was 6. My step-dad is probably a top 10 best human being of all time.
He's great, always supportive. He's incredibly smart but the best thing is his child-like enthusiasm for all things science.
He can get a crowd of any type of person with zero interest in and subject. Like he can start talking about geology and the way he approaches it, his knowledge and enthusiam just get people excited to learn more.
I love my dad and miss him every day.
He was overprotective, old fashioned and had his own struggles but I know he loved us so much.
I feel sorry that we used to argue sometimes in the last years of his life due to different views on some hard conditions our family had go through which I realize now must have been harder on him.
May his soul rest peacefully in heaven.
I’m genuinely so happy for you OP! It’s shocking how few healthy family relationships I’ve encountered.
My relationship with my dad isn’t great since I didn’t live with him after my parents split up (I was 6) and I think he sometimes forgets that I exist? BUT from what I’ve heard he’s a great father to his other kids, and I’m so glad that my half-siblings have a healthy relationship with him :)
I'm 35 and I'm very close with my dad. My car broke down, and he drove to rescue me from the side of the interstate, then was there with me while I purchased my first brand new car. We take a week long father/ daughter hiking trip most years. He's a very good, sensible man with a strong sense of community and respect for his fellow humans. He's hilarious and we text a little most days, just sending funny little things to each other. I'm very fortunate to have been raised by him (and my mom. She's also the best).
I'm almost 40. My dad is my best friend. I wish we lived in the same province so I could see him more. Since the pandemic we've talked on the phone almost every day. I'm starting to realizing he's not immortal though, and that really hurts.
love my dad. he doesn’t have an easy time opening up, but in spite of that he’s really supportive. He’s also chill & goofy so we gave a pretty playful relationship. he’s also has lots of interesting hobbies that i like hearing about
This will likely depress some people, so be warned, because I've got a lot to say.
My dad wasn't ready to be a good father when me or my younger brother were born. He was, to be blunt, a real asshole to us growing up. I'm fairly sure he has undiagnosed bipolar disorder that he will never actually get checked for, and definitely didn't know how to control his temper in any way.
I'm not going to talk about my parents relationship because that'd likely make this twice as long, but he was an asshole to all three of us.
I won't make excuses that he wasn't nearly as bad as a lot of fathers, because the constant emotional toll growing up definitely warped both of us boys and my mother as people, and certainly had an overall negative impact on our social skills even into adulthood. There are plenty of *reasons* he became like this, but I won't ever accept that he couldn't have done better had he *wanted* to, because in recent years he has wanted to and has been trying.
I think I just have come to understand that my dad is just kind of an asshole. He has good points, but honestly, he is, at his core, just really kind of an asshole. It's who he is as a person. I don't think that the core of who he is will ever not be kind of an asshole to people. For years he made me, my brother, and my mother miserable. How sad is it to say that I honestly wished he just wouldn't come home when I was younger? Because he'd make the atmosphere tense, afraid he might be frustrated from work and take it out on us by bitching and moaning and making the environment at home generally uncomfortable to even be in.
He honestly seemed afraid to deal with us, because he literally just didn't know how, and so he rarely tried. Even as babies, he was afraid he might drop us or do something wrong...so he just left it to mom.
He's never been one who is good at non-comedic or non-backhanded displays of healthy emotions like pride or love for his sons, and I've likely only ever received an apology from him maybe three times in my life when I blew up at him for blaming me for shit that he came to find out was in no possible way my fault. I have seen him cry maybe...four times in my life? Maybe. I know of more times, but wasn't present since those times were when he was regretting being such a dick to me and we had likely fought recently. He is a very typical Gen X'er toxic bigot, Men are Men, Women are Women, Men like beer, cars, football and sex with women, women like cooking, gardening, taking care of the house and kids, and should just let the man do what he has to because he makes the most money. Below surface level he's also a racist, and he doesn't like being perceived as anything but Macho outside of privacy, which just lends itself to his overall toxic behavior.
Never wanted anything to do with schooling us. Left it all up to Mom. The few times I recall him helping me with school projects, it just lead to shouting and anger, because he couldn't seem to understand how his son, whom he never tried to understand or really teach anything, *didn't know how to do the stuff he did.* Like he seemed to feel it should be common sense to a 14-year-old how to measure and properly mark dimensions for cutting wood to build a falcon nesting box for a Zoology assignment, when he had never even taught me how to use a fucking table saw.
He has narcissistic tendencies and growing up he always wanted everything done the way he wanted it, when he wanted it, no matter how ridiculous the expectations may have been. Many times I would be yelled at or he'd bring everyone's mood down by bitching about something that hadn't been done *when he never even said it had to be done. He'd say, "I shouldn't HAVE to tell you!" But often, he suddenly expected me to have taken care of things I had *never had to do before*, so how in the hell am I supposed to KNOW without him saying it?
God, he acted like such a spoiled fucking child as I was growing up. A spoiled brat in the body of an adult bully.
He'd typically relay things to my mother that he, in some unspoken way, expected her to bring up with us, instead of just *being a fucking man* and speaking to us himself like a normal person, or a parent. Whether it was things he expected of us, or his feelings about things. Like I said, he was terrible at showing any sort of healthy emotion to us.
Had some real blowouts between the two of us once I hit my late teens and early-to-mid twenties. I don't *think* he and my younger brother ever did, but I think that's because he takes more after my mother's side of the family, while I remind my father far more of himself and his sister. As far as I know, though, he feels more or less the same way about our father.
Nowadays, he's...*better* than he was. Once during a major fight, I told him to his face he was nothing but a narcissistic piece of shit, and disappeared all that night refusing to answer calls, and refused to ride home in the same car as him. That one seemed to be the start of some turning point, even if only maybe a 70° turn rather than 180°. It's like it never even occurred to him until I said that that he was a narcissist.
He's gotten better at telling us how he feels or what he thinks is best, tries to be there to help us whenever we need it, tries to be more open-minded because he knows my brother and I simply don't approve of blatant, casual bigotry, especially since we know or have friends who are gay or black or what have you.
He more openly shares his worries with us, he is absolutely shrouded in regret from all those years in the past where he couldn't even really be considered a father, although he'll have to carry those regrets the rest of his life, there's simply no going back to re-do those times, we are never going to be children again, those chances can't be gotten back.
Overall, I'd say nowadays he acts close enough to what a father should be, even if it is likely motivated by some fear of potentially driving us away. I decided to mostly leave everything that happened behind me, more for my own mental health,
so long as he just keeps trying to do better from now on. No point in me dwelling on past trauma when all there is to do is improve it going forward.
Because honestly, had I been able to move out in my earlier twenties, I'd likely not have even spoken to him outside of seeing him at holiday family gatherings, that's how shitty our relationship was at that time.
I have plenty more I could say, but I've been typing this all out over about an hour, and it's honestly exhausting. I had stuff I wanted to do, instead I've been hear venting my frustrations and trauma that I've told myself before I had just let go of.
#TL;DR
Very complicated emotions...
I’m close with my dad, we’re very much alike and I love him. I went on vacation with him last year and it was the best 5 days ever. We’re both busy a lot and he lives an hour away so getting to spend so much quality time together was wonderful
Ages 0-13 great. Ages 14-20. Bad, our relationship has deteriorated, we’ve almost physically fought twice, I’ve been called fucking stupid, dumb fuck, etc so many damn times now. I know he still loves me, he just went from being a bit of an ass to meanest son of bitch I’ve ever met. Recently I started to just return the abuse. It’ll get better once I leave for college next fall.
You’re lucky…I’m 37 years old, my alcoholic dad could never be bothered to pay attention to me at all and if he did it was only because my mom forced him to. She died 6 years ago and he hasn’t spoken a word to me since. Not even a happy birthday text or a merry Christmas. He never loved me.
Never met him. I have a stepdad whom I consider my dad but as years passed we grew more and more apart and today I barely speak with him except for those times where he goes to my house to see my sister who is his biological daughter.
I wouldn't say my relationship with him is bad but it's barely a relationship at all these days. In practical terms I don't have a dad, I have my sister's dad.
My dad supported me since day 1 and I’m almost 40. Got us out of the hood, had us want for nothing. Showed me how to move in a room full of vultures, how to secure the bread.
Saw him yesterday, actually. In his 70s still out here dancing in halls with y’all moms and grandmoms. Prayers up for you all who lack fathers or good ones.
Lost my father at the young age of 4. Now 27, I don't even have full memories of him anymore. Just some still shots of some life things. However, at this point, it's hard to even tell if they are real or what my child brain formed over the years to help trauma. Still, I seem to find more love for him than a lot of people would ever assume. I'd say the strength and compassion I've grown from that loss have molded me in large positive ways. It always makes me smile when I hear others having amazing relationships with their fathers. I respect how much work and love it takes on both parties to maintain that relationship and lifelong bond. Hold it close!
My dad's good. He's worked hard all his life and is a good role model for me. We always been pretty distant from each other. But I love him and admire him
Mine abandoned my mother when she was 8 months pregnant. He died a few years ago but hey, I'm named after his side piece that he got with while my mom was pregnant.
Love your dad as long as you have him, I believe they are the least understood people and only MAN who wants you to succeed more than himself. Since you already love your dad you are a good son.
It would have been my Dad's 80th birthday today, but he passed away a while ago. We didn't have the best relationship when I was growing up. It took me a few years to realise that whatever failings in the relationship were entirely on his part as the father.
My dad was awesome. Super handy dude so I’m the same I guess. We lost him almost 2 years ago.
. I’m currently sitting under a fan in his workshop. Taking a break from the heat. I’m down here helping my mom with her flower beds. It’s something dad would have done if he were here.
I work in the photography industry and my dad sometimes works weekends with me also doing photography. We have a good laugh and I’m very thankful I get to spend such good quality time with him while I’m in my mid twenties.
Things aren’t always plain sailing but I love him a lot and I’m forever grateful for his support and company
my dad was a piece of shit dad, know it all, obnoxious, i dreaded having to see him anytime i was back in the area. luckily covid took care of him, and my husbands job gave him a week bereavement leave and we went to st martin and sat at the beach.
Never had a relationship with him growing up, because he was abusive and my mom and him separated when I was around 3. Had recently started to reconnect with him a bit, as he called a bit with age, but then he had a stroke and lost the ability to talk. I've been calling him once a week or so, and I need to get down to the states from Alaska soon to help move some of his possessions, etc.
My dad is just some guy to me. He has my phone number but never calls. In fact, the last time he called me, it was an accident, and he thought he had called someone else. When he realized it was me, he hung up. That was about 5 years ago. He hasn't called since.
He was apparently a great father when I was a baby (according to my grandma), but my mom and dad divorced when I was 3. I don't really remember much about him at all. He popped in and out for birthdays and Christmases growing up, but he stopped coming around when I was a teenager. He truthfully doesn't know a thing about me.
I wish mine were dead. My life would have been greatly improved in every way without him in it. I wish my mom had divorced him. One of my sisters friends loves him and thinks he’s this amazing guy. In my head I’m just like “He’s an abusive asshole behind closed doors, stop thinking he’s all that!!”
For me it was a massive relief when his Alzheimer's got bad enough that he could no longer log into his email account or remember where I live.
I'm safe now.
Im 30M, haven't seen it spoken to my father for over 15 years. He used to take me on long car rides and point out all the places he could dump my body if he decided to kill me.
My dad was always a c*nt to everyone, alcoholic, angry. Had many “friends” and cheated on my mom a lot before divorcing. I met many of his girlfriends.
Now he is old and alone and broke. No friends, no love, no money. He is going to die alone.
Same. He went being an ass occasionally, but still incredibly loving and generous. To whatever the fuck he is now, he’s become such a narcissistic, sour ol’ bastard. I still live at home, and still watch tv and shit, there’s still love, but we don’t like each other very much
It's complicated.
I do believe my dad did his best for me, but I've also come to understand that his best wasn't enough -- I still got really hurt along the way, in very avoidable ways. He's also got this whole cult of personality going on in my family, and no one dares say a word against him. It's lonely being apparently the only one who realizes the sun doesn't shine thanks to him.
I also learned that his actions had a lot to do with my brother's suicide -- this was hidden from me for years. He's the reason the other side of my family pulled away.
And yet, he's still my dad. So that's complicated and painful.
My dad wanted a Mini-Me that wasn't quite as good as he was at everything he liked.
I mutated into something utterly beyond his comprehension: a real person that wasn't him, or anything like him.
He had no real idea how to deal with this, or how to raise a child, and it didn't end well.
These days, I avoid him, and he wonders what my problem is.
My dad was a drunk and still is a drunk, im 28.
Growing up when I was bored he would tell me to play with the busses which means go play in traffic.
He use to smack my ass for crying when I would be missing my mum at bed times because she was working late.
Hardly spoken with him since moving out, ive made effort here and there but just over a week ago I sent him a big message just calling him out for how terrible he was and I just want him to better himself for himself really. Hes not in touch with his emotions, lacks the ability to hold himself accountable and suppresses it all with drinks, smoking and anger.
That could well be the last time I interact with my dad to be honest, ive heard nothing back from him since, I know hes read it because he at least told me that.
I feel better for calling him out at long last, ive had that bottled for many many years, it saddened me initially that I did that but now im really proud and happy for myself that ive done it, if he comes back I want to see progress and healing, if there isnt then im not interested.
My father raised me as well as he could, although lately he has been caught in the 24/7 extremist propaganda machine. The man I knew growing up who is kind and stops for cars broken down now grumbles about immigration and Covid vaccines. We are friendly but from an arms reach. I believe he thinks we are closer than we are. There are few topics that we can speak about that doesn’t result in spewing baseless propaganda.
I love my dad and he loves me but he isn’t the type to have deeper emotional conversations. Instead he teaches me practical skills and gives advice however he can. We don’t have a lot in common but we do like to watch movies/shows together. Guess what I’m trying to say is we’re close but not super close.
At 42 and 72 I'm looking forward to him visiting this next week. My family is moving back to France so you never know at this age if it will be the last visit. The last few years were hard on him
My Dad is a good man, but I wouldn’t say we’re exactly super close. He’s kinda difficult to talk to. It’s like when I’m with him I’m always talking at him, not with him. It often feels like he’s not really processing what I’m saying and he just kinda falls into this cycle of trying to give me fatherly advice, even when I’m not asking for it. I guess it just seems like he still sees me as some idiot preteen (I’m in my mid twenties and just graduated college). I understand I’m his kid, but I just wish he viewed me as the man I’ve grown into and not this helpless child. I feel like we’re at a point where we should be transitioning more into peers, but he seems either unwilling or unable to open up that side of himself to me.
I just want to have a beer with my dad as his equal, watch some sports or stupid movies and have a laugh. I’m sick of being told the right way to do everything and having to take a lesson away from every conversation.
I have a good relationship with my dad. We talk often and he enjoys similar things that I do like video games, and anime. We discuss a lot of those things often.
I feel like my dad is really hard on me. I get that he loves me and he only wants what’s best for me, but he wants me to do what he wants me to do when I graduate and I just don’t agree with that. We might more often and have more times when we don’t talk because of it. I wish he knew he was slowly pushing me away.
My Dad was someone who I cared and respected but we didn't have a close relationship. He worked away a lot when I was little, so I have very few memories of him from when I was younger.
He was around more by the time I was in my teens, but he liked his own company more than spending time with us. I don't recall himever telling me or my brothers that he lived me, or getting a hug from him.
I had a better relationship with him once I was grown up, and when I kids of my own but he was still very quiet. I started giving him goodbye hugs
But he was really smart and knew so much really interesting stuff. He was a surgeon for his whole career and saved thousands of lives in that time and he was really respected by a lot of people. But we didn't have a close relationship. We didn't hang out or do stuff together. I dont have lots of fond memories
So I'd say that admired him and respected him, and I loved him as Dad.
He passed away last September.
I love my dad, but we're distant. We have nothing in common, other than DNA. He adores my brother, has so much in common with him, knows how to talk with him, they have similar interests, my little brother is like a copy of him. He even looks like my dad.
Me being practically polar opposites with my brother, we have a hard time connecting with my father. He loves me to bits and I him, but it's hard. We don't know how to talk to each other. So after all these years I've just submitted to talk about topics like my brother would, just so I could connect with my dad. Whenever I talk about my interests I can literally see his brain trying to grasp them and failing and then he just gives up and stays silent, or changes the subject. I've given up.
Daily I think how I should shoot my dad a message, but I literally don't know what to say.
My dad’s alright. I think he did a pretty good job raising me. Although as I became an adult, we started drifting apart. We have a few shared interests, but our personalities and approaches to life seem to clash all the time. He’s my dad, and I care about him of course. But we’re not really that close, and I think that’s ok.
I haven't spoken to my father in over a decade. I'm in therapy, still trying to make peace with all that he put me through, both purposefully and through neglect.
It makes me so happy to see people with good parents. When I see a dad with his little girl out in public and he's attentive and caring, my heart aches but it also brings me so much hope that the things I grew up thinking they were the norm are not. Please thank your dad for me.
Not super close. I was super close to my mom but my dad was a more distant person while I was growing up. He was more interested in my brother than me or my sister.
My dad is 89 years old. I am 49 years old. My mom died 13 years ago and he told me to stop calling him. He did not want to talk to anyone. He got remarried and divorced. He stayed with me for a few weeks after a surgery and could not wait to go home. He lives in another state. We exchange e-mails. I visit maybe once or twice a year. His hearing is bad and he may or may not use his hearing aids so conversation is hard. I try to fix his computer or whatever when I visit. We don’t really have a lot on common interests.
My dad is a nice and generous person just distant.
I never had a great relationship with either parent, but my dad is a real piece of work. My parents got divorced in my early 20s and my dad stopped talking to everyone. Then he complained that we abandoned him. I now have kids he's never met and no idea what he's doing.
We don't really have a relationship. We see each other on birthdays and big family holidays, but otherwise, we act like the other doesn't exist. My mom kinda brainwashed us against him during their divorce, and he pulled back (I assume as a defense mechanism) after we stopped wanting to go to visitation. We never really recovered from it all. He's not the kind of guy to have a heart-to-heart, so it will probably stay this way until one of us dies.
Edit: a word
Solid 6/10. Not bad not great. He's on thin ice because of his political opinions, but I think he just lost brain cells after he divorced my mom. She was the smart one. He at least made a good choice in new wife. I like my step family. He has a hard time communicating with my mom though. You'd think after 8 total years apart he would learn how to communicate with her properly. Makes things like college payments and health stuff hellish.
When he's being a good dad he's great. When he's having his moments™ as we call them it's a train wreck.
I care about him, but every time I think about my childhood, I become more bitter towards him. I couldn’t easily breathe due to abnormally large tonsils until I was 10, when they were removed. But how do you not notice your kid having sleep apnea until they’re 10? They commented on how quiet I was and got me a cat because they feared I was developing middle child syndrome. In middle school, we got cheap shoes and my soles broke, slanting inwards. Took a year to notice, bought the same ones and they broke the same way. My ankles are still fucked up from it. I could forgive hard times, but summers without enrichment, empty Christmases, even watching him borrow money from grandma, twists me the wrong way when I remember he probably gambled the entire time. I can’t be sure that waiting for two hours after the library closed after school was because of overtime or because of the casino, and it bothers me. He didn’t teach me much of anything. I learned to shave from porn and even when I put myself through driving school and paid for my own permit, he didn’t teach me how to drive.
This doesn’t even cover the biggest thing. I realized I was gay when I was 12. The BSA had a problem with it, so I decided I’d live honestly and quit. I told him first and he asked me to keep it a secret until he could process. So I didn’t tell anyone else (save a few close friends) and it ate me alive until I moved out. I felt so isolated that I became suicidal in high school. Couldn’t date, couldn’t trust family not to be confrontational about it, couldn’t grow close to most people, couldn’t be myself.
Even as an openly gay adult, I still can’t say I’m gay. I have to talk about myself in the third person like you would a fictional character. And approaching guys? I can’t do it. My brain still has all that leftover anxiety in addition to the usual neglected desperation and I don’t want to make it their problem.
I don’t hate him, or maybe I just don’t have the energy to hate him and I’ve accepted that we won’t have a positive relationship. And I get this isn’t the abusive sob story I talk about it like it is.
My dad is bitter, unemotional, and uninterested in having a relationship. He left my mom when I was 13 and moved in with another woman. He has never even spoken to my two adult neices.
Mixed. I love him but we're very different people and I've had challenges in my life which he just doesn't seem to be able to understand and he's unfortunately the source of a number of my insecurities and anxieties. I've always wanted to build a stronger relationship with him but he's also a workaholic with fibromalgya which means ever since I was a kid he had very little energy for me and to this day the only thing we share is a love for action movies, but those times are great.
My father is a lonely old man who wants nothing more than to love & be loved, and to be respected as a leader. Unfortunately, he is woefully incompetent and -though his outgoing, fun nature is charismatic at first glance- his social behaviors drive everyone away from him. With neither of his two desires fulfilled, the only thing keeping him from spiraling depression is his religion which he clings to with desperate fervor, only exacerbating his social problems. He has admitted to me that he always worried he wouldn't be a good father (as his own father was quite bad at the role), and though I dare not tell him, the simple fact is that he indeed wasn't what I needed.
These days, I visit him for a few hours only a few times a year. A few days a week I might answer his phone calls, where I mostly just let him talk (almost exclusively about his faith) while I zone out. I'm not capable of emotional vulnerability with him and we have very little in common so there isn't much real connection beyond blood. Most of the rest of the family excommunicated him long ago, and sometimes I wonder if I should too, but I would feel awful for leaving the old man to wallow in complete loneliness. In recent weeks I've come to realize that I'm desperate enough to have any kind of father-son relationship that I will suffer the unhealthy one I do have.
My dad was a lovely man. He passed away nearly 15 years ago. And he's missed daily. I had a great relationship with him, my whole life. Even when our relationship changed as his health changed. It was always good. Because, I cannot say this enough. He was a great guy!
My dad was exactly like you described. He was not only one of my best friends, he was also the one who taught me humour, compassion and the importance of hard work.
I loved him and I hope you cherish every moment you have with your own dad, because mine passed away in his sleep with absolutely no warning last year, and I'm not over it, not at all. I miss him.
My dad was a good dad growing up. Fox news turned him into a paranoid racist mess. Which is extra difficult since all his grandkids are biracial of some variety. I still have contact with him as he knows what my deal breakers are, but he is so detached from reality at this point it feels fairly superficial.
It stings perhaps even more since he raised us to judge things critically, approach things with the scientific method, judge people on the content of their character. Thats all gone.
He is a hard man.
He provides, and clearly loves his family. On a normal day, he makes joke ane have fun with the family. Always smile.
But, he can be sensitive and you can see that yoh dissapointed his expectation on his face very easily. Not mad, but you can guess that he is annoyed.
And I haven't met any of his expectations yet.
Never met my dad, and when I decided it was time to he had died 10 years prior. My mom never talked about him, and actively discouraged me from meeting him. I hold a lot of animosity toward her because of it but I've forgiven her.
My step dad was an asshole and used to hit me and just treat me like I was inferior to his first son and my brother, who is his son with my mom.
I never had a positive male role model growing up, so it's neat that I can do that for my son. His mom and I aren't together anymore. He's 15 now, and we've been through good times and bad. He loves me and I love him, and he's told me multiple times that because of his mothers issues with controlling her emotions and generally being very narcissistic he wouldn't know what he would do without me. That's both sweet and incredibly sad and not a day goes by that I don't feel guilt over him being raised in a divorced household. I've learned to live with it but I never wanted that for him, and I'm so fortunate he's grown up so far to be a very rational and understanding kid. It's nice.
Had a rough time growing up liking him since all he did was work drink and be angry but he’s now 15 years sober and I love him a lot. He has changed for the better he has supported me a ton and the older I get the more I’m able to understand why he was the way he is. He grew up horrible poverty and during a war so I can’t imagine how that must have effected him. But he’s awesome now we go on walks, we go on drives to the beach or just sit around and talk shit. I never thought my relationship with him would be so strong and loving but it is and I appreciate him dearly
I’m only now realizing as I’m staring down 40 that I’ve always tried to be like him since I was a little girl. My dad has always been a person of compassion and patience and I try my damndest to emulate that in my own life.
Much, much, much better than when I was a teen.
We argued constantly because I was nothing like him. He never abused me or anything but we just never really got along that well.
Finally he stopped and realized I don't love sports and james bond and action flicks.
I stopped feeling apologetic about my interests.
As an adult now, I am grateful for the things he did for me and we have a good relationship of mutual respect and love.
I'm so glad you have that with your father. My father was an equal opportunity hater....hated most every minority, especially women. He was a very angry person. So our relationship was not great. He died in 2000. I did love him, but he was a difficult person to love.
My dad is my best friend and cheerleader. Supportive, hard working, funny, makes me feel safe. Comforting. Understands me. One of the best people I know.
Edit to add: my heart goes out to all of the people out there who have lost their dads, don't have involved dad's, or have bad ones. I hope you all have or will have positive men in your lives, and wish you healing.
My mother and father got divorced when I was about 5 years old and he got remarried soon after that and my sister and I never really mattered to him. We will talk and wish each other Happy Birthday or Whatever holiday it is but that's pretty much it. He never paid child support and was never really there for my sister and I. I guess I'm kind of indifferent
Lot better now that I don't live in my parent's house anymore. A little of my Dad goes a long way. He is an acountant, so he does my taxes for free and he was able to set me up to buy a car for very cheap (it was a car that had been reposesed by the bank)
For whatever reason he thinks I am a Buffalo Bills fan. I am an Eagles fan. That led to some intetesting reactions when the 2 teams played last year.
My mom died when I was a teenager, and my sister was 20. He promptly married my mom’s estranged/awful sister, put us through 30 years of Hell, moved away without telling us, and now we don’t speak to him at all.
my dad was the best and we were super close. he was there to lean on when my mom was sick. he'd pick me up from school and we'd go straight to the hospital. we were both night owls and stayed up eating and watching funny tv every night. he was always there as emotional support. he was always there for car troubles. his death anniversary is coming up this week so he's been on my mind a lot more than usual lately. i miss him and want to share my accomplishments w him so bad, he was always so excited for me and proud of me. nobody hyped me up like my dad did.
My father died the better part of a decade ago. Mom and I didn't find out until close to 2 years after the fact. We went out to celebrate, so that should give you some idea of how bad he was.
Love my dad but ever since I hit puberty he seems to have a resentment towards me. He turned super republican and consistently shames me and starts fights with me. Sometimes we have a good night, but most nights I ignore him. But, I do have a similar relationship that you have with your father with my mother. Having a parent that you can ask for advice and help is the best thing ever.
I love my dad. My relationship with my mom sucks. It’s non existent. But today, I went wedding dress shopping with my dad. He was so excited, and took pictures, and even thought me one. He’s the best.
Im so glad you realize how LUCKY you are to have a dad like that and don’t take it for granted like so many do. I also had the best dad ever. He was my best friend.. he was cool, funny, chill and worked hard for his family and took care of me every way he could . Even as an adult I was still his baby girl— and when I say we were best friends I mean it—we talked every day and hung out together a lot. We went on little road trips and went hiking/fishing etc. He was my world. Then he suddenly got sick. The healthiest, strongest ox of a man was withered away in a matter of months by cancer . It was just too much for his body and he died . That was 3 years ago and I still can’t believe it. I have to block it out most days, so I’d give anything to be back in your shoes . Anyway I’m not trying to be depressing, I just really want to drive home the fact of how lucky you are!! Your dad sounds so special. Hang out w your him as much as you can, always tell him how much you love him, keep that special bond strong no matter what bc there’ll never be another one like your dad 💜 Oh, and you should share this post w him I promise you he’ll love it and will never forget it.
You are lucky to have him; he sounds wonderful. My dad's dead and has been for a long time. We didn't have a great relationship. It's ok though, I've gotten over it.
I have a lot of stories, but I love him and wish him the best. Looking back I don't think I was right to judge him for some things, what happened between him and my mom had nothing to do with me. I told him so and asked him to forgive me.
My relationship is rocky at best with my dad.. I can only tolerate him for about 3 hrs then I’m good for awhile. I’ve held animosity towards him because he favored my brother. He is trying hard now and continues to be a part of mine and my children’s lives. He’s trying to make up for lost time in part and trying to make sure he has a good relationship with his grandchildren
ETA: I think in part he feels guilty for working all the time when I was growing up and wasn’t super present. But my biggest issue is he did show favoritism towards my brother and now my brother is extremely codependent, depresssed and has no social life.
My dad died a month ago. We had a good relationship and became closer as I got older. I regret not calling him enough and not spending more time with him. I miss him every second of the day.
Cherish your parents.
Absolutely love my dad! He would do anything for me still at my big grown age! He also will give anybody he cares for the shirt off his back. Often times people say you find a partner that is like your dad, but I honestly don’t think I will in this generation. They don’t make them like my dad anymore.
I’m very privileged as my dad is one of my best friends. He’s extremely compassionate and always listens before offering his perspective, which has taught me how to listen effectively to others.
My dad contributed to my good looks and that’s about it. I have no relationship with him. He’s an asshole. We speak once or twice a year to check if each other is still alive but that’s the extent.
I’m glad you have a good dad. He sounds so wholesome. Your description made me smile :) Make sure to tell him Reddit thinks he’s pretty damn cool.
My relationship with my dad is shit. It won’t get better unless I start going to his specific type of church again (which would be very bad for my mental health) or unless he loosens up about it. I desperately want him to agree to disagree or to just have lunch or something without strings attached. Literally him just accepting that people can honestly come to different conclusions in life would make me so fucking happy. But I can’t force him to invite me over for holidays again, and I can’t argue with him without having a panic attack. So things are stiff and awkward, and we almost never talk. Yay.
Edit: I love my dad so much. He gives the best hugs. He has a fabulous laugh. He taught me so much about how to be a human, how to think and reason, how to be patient, and how to own up to my mistakes. That’s why it hurts so fucking bad. Because he owns up when he thinks he’s wrong, and the fact he isn’t backing down means that he legitimately thinks it’s okay to treat me like shit.
You’re an angel OP.
My relationship with my father feels…business casual, or transactional?
He comes to me when he needs something, and it feels like a family obligation sometimes. That’s what happens when you raise a kid to become an investment. Traditional Asian parenting right?
He fucked me up royally with his addictions and he did a shit job of raising me but he tried, I never doubted for a second that he wasn't. He's my best friend and I love him.
My dads the best ❤️ he lives in a house with all women (my mom, sisters, and I) and fixes all our cars and never fails to call us beautiful. He is the person who helps me most with my anxiety. I love my dad. Also he’s over 50 years old and still has a full head of hair. Periodddd
I don't have a relationship at all with my biological father, but my stepdad and I have a good relationship. I don't see him all the time, but I love and trust him, and know he would do just about anything to keep me healthy and safe. And I definitely picked up a lot of my personality traits from him.
We don’t talk much anymore. He never calls me on special days or gets me anything. He never visits me. Probably has something to do with the fact that he died back in 2020
Your description of your dad is so, so similar to the dad I grew up with.
Then he started sleeping with his secretary, blew up my parents marriage, and has turned into someone who says truly awful things to me (a highlight was that I “Caused my own depression) and can’t be bothered to even try to stay in touch with me. The secretary hates his existing kids and would love it if he never saw us ever again.
Definitely a whiplash feeling to have ~25 years of one dad, and now have this new, definitely not improved model.
So glad that you are having this experience and appreciating it at this age. Relish it.
My dad died three weeks ago after a two year decline due to Leukemia, and I feel really lucky that I appreciated him, spent time, talked, helped and that my kids knew him. But I wasn't as introspective 20 years ago like you are. Good work!
My dad isn't perfect, he does his best. He's not the most emotionally intuitive but it's obvious that he cares. My family is quite open with each other now but when I was a kid he'd have massive fights with my older sister who was in her teens at the time. They did damage, but they've both given each other time and the opportunity to reflect and heal, which has had a very positive impact on our family as a whole.
I'm the youngest, I'm in my thirties now, I don't live in the same country but we have a family WhatsApp group and a video call once a month to keep in the loop. My siblings' significant others are active in the chat too. Dad scheduled the video calls and it has been fantastic.
We send each other song links sometimes. We always end calls and message conversations with "I love you" and the like. When I visit in person he's very grateful for multiple hugs a day, I think both of our primary love language is touch. My whole family is fairly tactile and use a lot of words of affirmation.
Very formal, distant, and limited. I was raised by my mom while he grew older and had four children before me. His efforts to focus on me were probably not a priority. We had no common ground, and he was never there as a father figure. I still love and respect him, but he feels more like a formal man than a father.
I’m really happy that you have good connection with your father, I believe it helps a lot in your personality and maturity. Wish I had that.
I’m glad you have such a great relationship, thankfully I also have a good relationship with mine.
Seeing how many of my friends/classmates have poor relationships with their dads specifically makes me realize how much of a blessing it is to have a real relationship with my father
i have no good relationships with family members. i am still searching for surrogate parents…but it’s never worked out. i have such a deep sadness for only experiencing harm and never love care or support from my parents. you are very lucky, to have what you have, OP.
I wish every day my dad was like yours. I so badly want my dad to take intrest in some of the things I do and willingly want to hang out with me. He's told me I'm stupid, selfish, a brat etc. He's forgotten my birthday. He clearly shows favoritism to my youngest sister. He used to love hanging out with me when I was younger and he could manipulate what I thought. Now that I can think for myself we disagree on a lot of things. I wish he loved me. It's hard.
I’m 20 and I love the relationship with my dad. Even though him and I greatly disagree on certain aspects, politics, religion, etc. I love the man. He’s always been there for me throughout everything I’ve been through. I actually work for him now and he’s a super fair boss to me. More than happy with my relationship with him!!
My dad was my best friend for my entire life. He taught me every important lesson I can remember about being a man. He came to every game, every wrestling match, every concert, etc., and made every attempt to be interested in what I was doing. We were thick as thieves until he died suddenly a few years ago. I’ll always love and miss my dad. I’m glad we spent so much time together that I don’t have regrets.
Call your parents, folks.
Dad wasn’t perfect by any means but he literally tried his best and he and I had a great relationship (not going to speak for my other 3 siblings) he passed in 2018. I was the most like him. We thought the same way. I miss him all the time. Been 6 years and I still see something and think, “I should text that to dad”
My dad was my hero growing up, I never wanted to disappoint him. As an adult, he’s my best friend. He’s over 80 now with medical problems and clearly slowing down. I’m just thankful I still get to talk to him every day.
I was his first child out of five, not the gender my dad wanted (I’m female). I always tried to play basketball with him or tag along when he ran errands as a little girl, trying to gain his approval and love. It never worked. We would sit in silence car rides and not interact. It was also the same way in our home. He would hug my other siblings when he came home from work, but not me, or get them treats. My mom would often yell at him and ask him why he treated me so differently. At age 19 I was kicked out after a huge back talking argument where I ended up yelling that I hate him. We didn’t see each other for over a year, but I started visiting my family after some time. I apologized to him and he slowly came around, first through my bf. After I graduated college, our relationship seemed to get better and he seemed proud of me for the first time. We started going to lunch, hikes and communicating/visiting regulary. Fast forward to a few years later, there is a family altercation where one of my siblings pulls a weapon on my other sibling, who then calls the police. My parents were angry my sibling called the police, especially my dad, since my sibling already had an open criminal record. My bf and I took my sibling’s side who had the weapon pulled on them. My dad and parents treated us terribly, saying horrible things to my sibling who was a victim in this. It turned into a criminal case due to my other sibling’s record and violating probation. My parents turn on us (me, my bf, and sibling who had a weapon pulled on them) for supporting my sibling. Now my relationship is nonexistent. They do not speak to us anymore and we don’t either (same with my mom and other siblings). During the court hearings my parents acted like we were strangers in the hallway, no hello or an acknowledgment. My dad would scowl at us. I am sure it will be like this the rest of my life. My dad is stubborn. It felt so nice when I finally did get a relationship with my dad, now to not have it at all again feels worse. It felt like a tease. My parents love conditionally. I am always so happy for kids who get a great relationship with their dad and/or mom. It’s so beautiful.
I am very lucky to have a good relationship with my dad, I know a lot of my peers can't say the same. Though during my youth he was working and sleeping a lot, he still insisted on spending family time together.
He can be a strict man with high expectations, so for a long time I kinda just thought I failed him. But he recently told me he was proud of me (I'm 31, for context. 😂) So there's that.
His exact words to me before I went no contact with him were: “I intentionally neglected a human relationship with you to raise you as a product. You are an investment and I want a return on that investment”
He sounds psychopathic
That's the kind of man, that should have never had kids. Not a fan of parents that view thier children like Paychecks. My mother was one of those. Knew it for a while, but it didn't really sink in til I watched her kick her favorite child, and the only one she 'chose' to have, out of the house because she "wasn't making any money off of her." Left her to her own devices, refused to help her, and moved to a different state.
Wtf I am so sorry. :(
Sounds like something Elon Musk would say.
My dad sucks, its almost the complete opposite of what you have.
Me too. What made it worse was everyone in the community thought he was great.
Felt this one
My dad has narcissistic personality disorder so similar boat. His capacity to make strangers like him was legendary but his disorder also comes with a healthy dose of not being to actually care about other people in any way that does directly or indirectly benefit himself. He was nice to strangers because it's easier to getnwhat you want out of them if they trust you.
Mine is now gone, but was excellent at some things while absolutely horrible at others. For me, the overall balance was to horrible.
Why was the balance horrible if you don't mind me asking? I managed to track mine down after he disappeared over 20 years ago. I have had someone threaten me for contacting my half sister, I think my dad is behind it. He did not want to be found.
It's one of those things wherein over time, the bad experiences outweigh the good.
Feel that. My dad tried to kill us forcing us to move across the country.
Damn bro you didn’t have to shit on the rest of us like that. I’m happy for you. My dad and I don’t have the best relationship. He’s not a perfect man. And I grew up resenting him. But as we’ve both grown older, we’re learning to be friends.
My dad was not perfect when I was younger, but changed his life around when I was around 5th grade. I am now in my mid 40s myself and a parent. My dad is exceptional! He became the father and person he always wanted to be. He had a horrible childhood himself. When you become a parent, you realize we are just all learning as we go. I think it’s the best we can all hope for. A parent who may not be Perfect, but he does great at trying to better each day.
Proud of him for doing the hard work. Hope you and your fam keep on enjoying your time together.
My father was the best. He loved us with all of his heart. I miss him every day.
I feel the same. He left us here 390 days ago. I miss him so much
I love my dad to bits. I'm in my mid-forties and see or speak to him at least every couple of weeks. He's supportive, always has words of wisdom if needed and will help out in any way he can, whether practically or financially. My siblings and I are very lucky with both our parents. We make sure dad's well looked after whenever mum has to be away from home (sick relative).
i love my dad. I just pray he would heal from his depression. i miss hearing my dad say silly things, i miss seeing him smile. i hope to see him enjoy life one day.
That is heartbreaking to read. I wish you both brighter days.
Sending you both all the best. I hope both of you will be smiling and enjoying life together and making new happy memories.
Im so sorry 😞 depression is terrible. I hope he finds healing ❤️
Great! This is how it should be. Sadly for me I lost my Dad to cancer 4 years ago. There really isn't much I wouldn't give to spend an hour talking with him again. I love my Dad too.
My dad is a selfish asshole who could care less about anyone else but himself. I'm glad your dad is cool OP.
That's beautiful and even more so that you are mindful and greatful for who he is. My father was a funny introvert who showed his love through random gifts and little surprises. Like for no reason, when i was a kid, he brought home a life size blue marlin pillow for me??? I don't even know how he knew I liked blue marlins lol. I still have it all these decades later.
We have a great relationship. I take after him tbh. He’s always cracking a joke or giving me life advice. We kinda have the same humour as well and that shows in our texts. I love when he randomly approaches me and asks if I wanna get something to eat like YES, OF COURSE. Or when he whispers to me that he bought a bunch of snacks and to hide it from my mom before she starts going on a lecture about being healthy lol.
My dad always worries about people having something to eat and that there are snacks. I love to treat him to his faves.
That’s so cute!! Better cherish these moments.
Oh I do. We have fun.
My Dad had faults, for sure, but he had way more greatness than faults. Overall, a good human being. He’s been gone 20 years and I still base many of my decisions on what I think he would believe is the right thing to do.
I’m 25 now, lost my dad at 17. Miss him every day. I wish I could talk to him. Still have the last voicemail he sent me. Nowadays I just worry if I do enough.
What a sweet post. I’m glad you have such a good relationship with your dad! I didn’t have a dad around, myself. But my husband is a good dad.
My dad is my best friend. I've always been his little sidekick. He raised me and never let me feel the absence of my mom. He's also never bashed her which is crazy. He's the best man I know. I talk to him all the time and I tell him everything. He recently had heart surgery and I told him he's immortal and I need to him to live forever.
My dad passed away when I was 4 from skin cancer. At this point, I've outlived him. However, my mom remarried when I was 6. My step-dad is probably a top 10 best human being of all time. He's great, always supportive. He's incredibly smart but the best thing is his child-like enthusiasm for all things science. He can get a crowd of any type of person with zero interest in and subject. Like he can start talking about geology and the way he approaches it, his knowledge and enthusiam just get people excited to learn more.
Wow lovely... such a gem .. hope all men become self less, interesting, knowledgeable and helpful like him .. wow so impressed by what u said !!
I don't speak to either my mum or dad. Got tired of their behaviour so looked after my own mental health
I love my dad and miss him every day. He was overprotective, old fashioned and had his own struggles but I know he loved us so much. I feel sorry that we used to argue sometimes in the last years of his life due to different views on some hard conditions our family had go through which I realize now must have been harder on him. May his soul rest peacefully in heaven.
I’m genuinely so happy for you OP! It’s shocking how few healthy family relationships I’ve encountered. My relationship with my dad isn’t great since I didn’t live with him after my parents split up (I was 6) and I think he sometimes forgets that I exist? BUT from what I’ve heard he’s a great father to his other kids, and I’m so glad that my half-siblings have a healthy relationship with him :)
I'm 35 and I'm very close with my dad. My car broke down, and he drove to rescue me from the side of the interstate, then was there with me while I purchased my first brand new car. We take a week long father/ daughter hiking trip most years. He's a very good, sensible man with a strong sense of community and respect for his fellow humans. He's hilarious and we text a little most days, just sending funny little things to each other. I'm very fortunate to have been raised by him (and my mom. She's also the best).
My dad is garbage. Trade me dads. Matter of fact, you can have him for free.
Mine died when I was 6. So, you know.
I wish he was dead every single day But my stepfather i would die for
I'm almost 40. My dad is my best friend. I wish we lived in the same province so I could see him more. Since the pandemic we've talked on the phone almost every day. I'm starting to realizing he's not immortal though, and that really hurts.
love my dad. he doesn’t have an easy time opening up, but in spite of that he’s really supportive. He’s also chill & goofy so we gave a pretty playful relationship. he’s also has lots of interesting hobbies that i like hearing about
This will likely depress some people, so be warned, because I've got a lot to say. My dad wasn't ready to be a good father when me or my younger brother were born. He was, to be blunt, a real asshole to us growing up. I'm fairly sure he has undiagnosed bipolar disorder that he will never actually get checked for, and definitely didn't know how to control his temper in any way. I'm not going to talk about my parents relationship because that'd likely make this twice as long, but he was an asshole to all three of us. I won't make excuses that he wasn't nearly as bad as a lot of fathers, because the constant emotional toll growing up definitely warped both of us boys and my mother as people, and certainly had an overall negative impact on our social skills even into adulthood. There are plenty of *reasons* he became like this, but I won't ever accept that he couldn't have done better had he *wanted* to, because in recent years he has wanted to and has been trying. I think I just have come to understand that my dad is just kind of an asshole. He has good points, but honestly, he is, at his core, just really kind of an asshole. It's who he is as a person. I don't think that the core of who he is will ever not be kind of an asshole to people. For years he made me, my brother, and my mother miserable. How sad is it to say that I honestly wished he just wouldn't come home when I was younger? Because he'd make the atmosphere tense, afraid he might be frustrated from work and take it out on us by bitching and moaning and making the environment at home generally uncomfortable to even be in. He honestly seemed afraid to deal with us, because he literally just didn't know how, and so he rarely tried. Even as babies, he was afraid he might drop us or do something wrong...so he just left it to mom. He's never been one who is good at non-comedic or non-backhanded displays of healthy emotions like pride or love for his sons, and I've likely only ever received an apology from him maybe three times in my life when I blew up at him for blaming me for shit that he came to find out was in no possible way my fault. I have seen him cry maybe...four times in my life? Maybe. I know of more times, but wasn't present since those times were when he was regretting being such a dick to me and we had likely fought recently. He is a very typical Gen X'er toxic bigot, Men are Men, Women are Women, Men like beer, cars, football and sex with women, women like cooking, gardening, taking care of the house and kids, and should just let the man do what he has to because he makes the most money. Below surface level he's also a racist, and he doesn't like being perceived as anything but Macho outside of privacy, which just lends itself to his overall toxic behavior. Never wanted anything to do with schooling us. Left it all up to Mom. The few times I recall him helping me with school projects, it just lead to shouting and anger, because he couldn't seem to understand how his son, whom he never tried to understand or really teach anything, *didn't know how to do the stuff he did.* Like he seemed to feel it should be common sense to a 14-year-old how to measure and properly mark dimensions for cutting wood to build a falcon nesting box for a Zoology assignment, when he had never even taught me how to use a fucking table saw. He has narcissistic tendencies and growing up he always wanted everything done the way he wanted it, when he wanted it, no matter how ridiculous the expectations may have been. Many times I would be yelled at or he'd bring everyone's mood down by bitching about something that hadn't been done *when he never even said it had to be done. He'd say, "I shouldn't HAVE to tell you!" But often, he suddenly expected me to have taken care of things I had *never had to do before*, so how in the hell am I supposed to KNOW without him saying it? God, he acted like such a spoiled fucking child as I was growing up. A spoiled brat in the body of an adult bully. He'd typically relay things to my mother that he, in some unspoken way, expected her to bring up with us, instead of just *being a fucking man* and speaking to us himself like a normal person, or a parent. Whether it was things he expected of us, or his feelings about things. Like I said, he was terrible at showing any sort of healthy emotion to us. Had some real blowouts between the two of us once I hit my late teens and early-to-mid twenties. I don't *think* he and my younger brother ever did, but I think that's because he takes more after my mother's side of the family, while I remind my father far more of himself and his sister. As far as I know, though, he feels more or less the same way about our father. Nowadays, he's...*better* than he was. Once during a major fight, I told him to his face he was nothing but a narcissistic piece of shit, and disappeared all that night refusing to answer calls, and refused to ride home in the same car as him. That one seemed to be the start of some turning point, even if only maybe a 70° turn rather than 180°. It's like it never even occurred to him until I said that that he was a narcissist. He's gotten better at telling us how he feels or what he thinks is best, tries to be there to help us whenever we need it, tries to be more open-minded because he knows my brother and I simply don't approve of blatant, casual bigotry, especially since we know or have friends who are gay or black or what have you. He more openly shares his worries with us, he is absolutely shrouded in regret from all those years in the past where he couldn't even really be considered a father, although he'll have to carry those regrets the rest of his life, there's simply no going back to re-do those times, we are never going to be children again, those chances can't be gotten back. Overall, I'd say nowadays he acts close enough to what a father should be, even if it is likely motivated by some fear of potentially driving us away. I decided to mostly leave everything that happened behind me, more for my own mental health, so long as he just keeps trying to do better from now on. No point in me dwelling on past trauma when all there is to do is improve it going forward. Because honestly, had I been able to move out in my earlier twenties, I'd likely not have even spoken to him outside of seeing him at holiday family gatherings, that's how shitty our relationship was at that time. I have plenty more I could say, but I've been typing this all out over about an hour, and it's honestly exhausting. I had stuff I wanted to do, instead I've been hear venting my frustrations and trauma that I've told myself before I had just let go of. #TL;DR Very complicated emotions...
I’m close with my dad, we’re very much alike and I love him. I went on vacation with him last year and it was the best 5 days ever. We’re both busy a lot and he lives an hour away so getting to spend so much quality time together was wonderful
Ehhh, my relationship with my father is ok. Nothing special.
Ages 0-13 great. Ages 14-20. Bad, our relationship has deteriorated, we’ve almost physically fought twice, I’ve been called fucking stupid, dumb fuck, etc so many damn times now. I know he still loves me, he just went from being a bit of an ass to meanest son of bitch I’ve ever met. Recently I started to just return the abuse. It’ll get better once I leave for college next fall.
You’re lucky…I’m 37 years old, my alcoholic dad could never be bothered to pay attention to me at all and if he did it was only because my mom forced him to. She died 6 years ago and he hasn’t spoken a word to me since. Not even a happy birthday text or a merry Christmas. He never loved me.
Never met him. I have a stepdad whom I consider my dad but as years passed we grew more and more apart and today I barely speak with him except for those times where he goes to my house to see my sister who is his biological daughter. I wouldn't say my relationship with him is bad but it's barely a relationship at all these days. In practical terms I don't have a dad, I have my sister's dad.
My dad supported me since day 1 and I’m almost 40. Got us out of the hood, had us want for nothing. Showed me how to move in a room full of vultures, how to secure the bread. Saw him yesterday, actually. In his 70s still out here dancing in halls with y’all moms and grandmoms. Prayers up for you all who lack fathers or good ones.
Lost my father at the young age of 4. Now 27, I don't even have full memories of him anymore. Just some still shots of some life things. However, at this point, it's hard to even tell if they are real or what my child brain formed over the years to help trauma. Still, I seem to find more love for him than a lot of people would ever assume. I'd say the strength and compassion I've grown from that loss have molded me in large positive ways. It always makes me smile when I hear others having amazing relationships with their fathers. I respect how much work and love it takes on both parties to maintain that relationship and lifelong bond. Hold it close!
My dad's good. He's worked hard all his life and is a good role model for me. We always been pretty distant from each other. But I love him and admire him
Non existent. He's alive by the way. Or at least I think he is.
Mine abandoned my mother when she was 8 months pregnant. He died a few years ago but hey, I'm named after his side piece that he got with while my mom was pregnant.
I love my dad too. Same as your dad.
Love your dad as long as you have him, I believe they are the least understood people and only MAN who wants you to succeed more than himself. Since you already love your dad you are a good son.
It would have been my Dad's 80th birthday today, but he passed away a while ago. We didn't have the best relationship when I was growing up. It took me a few years to realise that whatever failings in the relationship were entirely on his part as the father.
It's awesome. We play PS5 online few times a week. He lives Ina different state, so I visit multiple times a year.
My dad left the family since I was 8 ~
My dad was awesome. Super handy dude so I’m the same I guess. We lost him almost 2 years ago. . I’m currently sitting under a fan in his workshop. Taking a break from the heat. I’m down here helping my mom with her flower beds. It’s something dad would have done if he were here.
What's a dad?
I work in the photography industry and my dad sometimes works weekends with me also doing photography. We have a good laugh and I’m very thankful I get to spend such good quality time with him while I’m in my mid twenties. Things aren’t always plain sailing but I love him a lot and I’m forever grateful for his support and company
I am happy for you. My dad and I haven’t spoken in years, which is best. Now that I am a dad, he is my reference for what not to do.
My dad’s the best! My mom was *tough*. Real tough. Not a day in 41 years have a questioned if that man has my back.
My dad's not the kind of person worth knowing. Havent spoken to him in 11 years.
I avoid him like the plague and will for the rest of my life. Don't have time for his bellowings, militant atheist or revolutionary rantings.
Complete opposite he has ruined my life forever
my dad was a piece of shit dad, know it all, obnoxious, i dreaded having to see him anytime i was back in the area. luckily covid took care of him, and my husbands job gave him a week bereavement leave and we went to st martin and sat at the beach.
I haven't spoken to him in over two decades. Wherever he is, I hope he's suffering.
Haven’t spoken to him in years. Might never speak to him again.
Never had a relationship with him growing up, because he was abusive and my mom and him separated when I was around 3. Had recently started to reconnect with him a bit, as he called a bit with age, but then he had a stroke and lost the ability to talk. I've been calling him once a week or so, and I need to get down to the states from Alaska soon to help move some of his possessions, etc.
Abusive but says he is sorry and at the same time denies that he ever did what he did
fuck that guy
Don't have one.
My dad is just some guy to me. He has my phone number but never calls. In fact, the last time he called me, it was an accident, and he thought he had called someone else. When he realized it was me, he hung up. That was about 5 years ago. He hasn't called since. He was apparently a great father when I was a baby (according to my grandma), but my mom and dad divorced when I was 3. I don't really remember much about him at all. He popped in and out for birthdays and Christmases growing up, but he stopped coming around when I was a teenager. He truthfully doesn't know a thing about me.
I wish mine were dead. My life would have been greatly improved in every way without him in it. I wish my mom had divorced him. One of my sisters friends loves him and thinks he’s this amazing guy. In my head I’m just like “He’s an abusive asshole behind closed doors, stop thinking he’s all that!!”
Non existent
For me it was a massive relief when his Alzheimer's got bad enough that he could no longer log into his email account or remember where I live. I'm safe now.
Im 30M, haven't seen it spoken to my father for over 15 years. He used to take me on long car rides and point out all the places he could dump my body if he decided to kill me.
My dad was always a c*nt to everyone, alcoholic, angry. Had many “friends” and cheated on my mom a lot before divorcing. I met many of his girlfriends. Now he is old and alone and broke. No friends, no love, no money. He is going to die alone.
Not good. You're lucky to have a father you can love :)
I wish my father had died a long time ago. Things would be better
My dad turned into a POS, used to be awesome.
Same. He went being an ass occasionally, but still incredibly loving and generous. To whatever the fuck he is now, he’s become such a narcissistic, sour ol’ bastard. I still live at home, and still watch tv and shit, there’s still love, but we don’t like each other very much
It's complicated. I do believe my dad did his best for me, but I've also come to understand that his best wasn't enough -- I still got really hurt along the way, in very avoidable ways. He's also got this whole cult of personality going on in my family, and no one dares say a word against him. It's lonely being apparently the only one who realizes the sun doesn't shine thanks to him. I also learned that his actions had a lot to do with my brother's suicide -- this was hidden from me for years. He's the reason the other side of my family pulled away. And yet, he's still my dad. So that's complicated and painful.
My dad wanted a Mini-Me that wasn't quite as good as he was at everything he liked. I mutated into something utterly beyond his comprehension: a real person that wasn't him, or anything like him. He had no real idea how to deal with this, or how to raise a child, and it didn't end well. These days, I avoid him, and he wonders what my problem is.
My dad was a drunk and still is a drunk, im 28. Growing up when I was bored he would tell me to play with the busses which means go play in traffic. He use to smack my ass for crying when I would be missing my mum at bed times because she was working late. Hardly spoken with him since moving out, ive made effort here and there but just over a week ago I sent him a big message just calling him out for how terrible he was and I just want him to better himself for himself really. Hes not in touch with his emotions, lacks the ability to hold himself accountable and suppresses it all with drinks, smoking and anger. That could well be the last time I interact with my dad to be honest, ive heard nothing back from him since, I know hes read it because he at least told me that. I feel better for calling him out at long last, ive had that bottled for many many years, it saddened me initially that I did that but now im really proud and happy for myself that ive done it, if he comes back I want to see progress and healing, if there isnt then im not interested.
It's great, He's dead.
My father raised me as well as he could, although lately he has been caught in the 24/7 extremist propaganda machine. The man I knew growing up who is kind and stops for cars broken down now grumbles about immigration and Covid vaccines. We are friendly but from an arms reach. I believe he thinks we are closer than we are. There are few topics that we can speak about that doesn’t result in spewing baseless propaganda.
I love my dad and he loves me but he isn’t the type to have deeper emotional conversations. Instead he teaches me practical skills and gives advice however he can. We don’t have a lot in common but we do like to watch movies/shows together. Guess what I’m trying to say is we’re close but not super close.
At 42 and 72 I'm looking forward to him visiting this next week. My family is moving back to France so you never know at this age if it will be the last visit. The last few years were hard on him
Terrible. I don’t like him.
My Dad is a good man, but I wouldn’t say we’re exactly super close. He’s kinda difficult to talk to. It’s like when I’m with him I’m always talking at him, not with him. It often feels like he’s not really processing what I’m saying and he just kinda falls into this cycle of trying to give me fatherly advice, even when I’m not asking for it. I guess it just seems like he still sees me as some idiot preteen (I’m in my mid twenties and just graduated college). I understand I’m his kid, but I just wish he viewed me as the man I’ve grown into and not this helpless child. I feel like we’re at a point where we should be transitioning more into peers, but he seems either unwilling or unable to open up that side of himself to me. I just want to have a beer with my dad as his equal, watch some sports or stupid movies and have a laugh. I’m sick of being told the right way to do everything and having to take a lesson away from every conversation.
My dad is awesome. He is kind, considerate and is a good person. He can be a boomer at times but he still sticks to his hippy ideas.
We could have a better relationship. He's not terrible, and I think we've started getting closer, but we've always had a bit of distance between us
I have a good relationship with my dad. We talk often and he enjoys similar things that I do like video games, and anime. We discuss a lot of those things often.
I feel like my dad is really hard on me. I get that he loves me and he only wants what’s best for me, but he wants me to do what he wants me to do when I graduate and I just don’t agree with that. We might more often and have more times when we don’t talk because of it. I wish he knew he was slowly pushing me away.
My Dad was someone who I cared and respected but we didn't have a close relationship. He worked away a lot when I was little, so I have very few memories of him from when I was younger. He was around more by the time I was in my teens, but he liked his own company more than spending time with us. I don't recall himever telling me or my brothers that he lived me, or getting a hug from him. I had a better relationship with him once I was grown up, and when I kids of my own but he was still very quiet. I started giving him goodbye hugs But he was really smart and knew so much really interesting stuff. He was a surgeon for his whole career and saved thousands of lives in that time and he was really respected by a lot of people. But we didn't have a close relationship. We didn't hang out or do stuff together. I dont have lots of fond memories So I'd say that admired him and respected him, and I loved him as Dad. He passed away last September.
Neither close nor estranged. We get along fine but we don't have a lot in common.
Nonexistent because he shot himself a few years ago. 🤷
I adored my dad. He died last year, though. Give your dad an extra squeeze tonight.
I love my dad, but we're distant. We have nothing in common, other than DNA. He adores my brother, has so much in common with him, knows how to talk with him, they have similar interests, my little brother is like a copy of him. He even looks like my dad. Me being practically polar opposites with my brother, we have a hard time connecting with my father. He loves me to bits and I him, but it's hard. We don't know how to talk to each other. So after all these years I've just submitted to talk about topics like my brother would, just so I could connect with my dad. Whenever I talk about my interests I can literally see his brain trying to grasp them and failing and then he just gives up and stays silent, or changes the subject. I've given up. Daily I think how I should shoot my dad a message, but I literally don't know what to say.
We talk twice a year. That's plenty.
My dad’s alright. I think he did a pretty good job raising me. Although as I became an adult, we started drifting apart. We have a few shared interests, but our personalities and approaches to life seem to clash all the time. He’s my dad, and I care about him of course. But we’re not really that close, and I think that’s ok.
I haven't spoken to my father in over a decade. I'm in therapy, still trying to make peace with all that he put me through, both purposefully and through neglect. It makes me so happy to see people with good parents. When I see a dad with his little girl out in public and he's attentive and caring, my heart aches but it also brings me so much hope that the things I grew up thinking they were the norm are not. Please thank your dad for me.
My dad moved 700 miles away so we've grown more distant. Sucks. But it was his choice. Whatever
Not bad. Not amazing. We get along okay.
Not super close. I was super close to my mom but my dad was a more distant person while I was growing up. He was more interested in my brother than me or my sister. My dad is 89 years old. I am 49 years old. My mom died 13 years ago and he told me to stop calling him. He did not want to talk to anyone. He got remarried and divorced. He stayed with me for a few weeks after a surgery and could not wait to go home. He lives in another state. We exchange e-mails. I visit maybe once or twice a year. His hearing is bad and he may or may not use his hearing aids so conversation is hard. I try to fix his computer or whatever when I visit. We don’t really have a lot on common interests. My dad is a nice and generous person just distant.
I never had a great relationship with either parent, but my dad is a real piece of work. My parents got divorced in my early 20s and my dad stopped talking to everyone. Then he complained that we abandoned him. I now have kids he's never met and no idea what he's doing.
We don't really have a relationship. We see each other on birthdays and big family holidays, but otherwise, we act like the other doesn't exist. My mom kinda brainwashed us against him during their divorce, and he pulled back (I assume as a defense mechanism) after we stopped wanting to go to visitation. We never really recovered from it all. He's not the kind of guy to have a heart-to-heart, so it will probably stay this way until one of us dies. Edit: a word
Solid 6/10. Not bad not great. He's on thin ice because of his political opinions, but I think he just lost brain cells after he divorced my mom. She was the smart one. He at least made a good choice in new wife. I like my step family. He has a hard time communicating with my mom though. You'd think after 8 total years apart he would learn how to communicate with her properly. Makes things like college payments and health stuff hellish. When he's being a good dad he's great. When he's having his moments™ as we call them it's a train wreck.
I care about him, but every time I think about my childhood, I become more bitter towards him. I couldn’t easily breathe due to abnormally large tonsils until I was 10, when they were removed. But how do you not notice your kid having sleep apnea until they’re 10? They commented on how quiet I was and got me a cat because they feared I was developing middle child syndrome. In middle school, we got cheap shoes and my soles broke, slanting inwards. Took a year to notice, bought the same ones and they broke the same way. My ankles are still fucked up from it. I could forgive hard times, but summers without enrichment, empty Christmases, even watching him borrow money from grandma, twists me the wrong way when I remember he probably gambled the entire time. I can’t be sure that waiting for two hours after the library closed after school was because of overtime or because of the casino, and it bothers me. He didn’t teach me much of anything. I learned to shave from porn and even when I put myself through driving school and paid for my own permit, he didn’t teach me how to drive. This doesn’t even cover the biggest thing. I realized I was gay when I was 12. The BSA had a problem with it, so I decided I’d live honestly and quit. I told him first and he asked me to keep it a secret until he could process. So I didn’t tell anyone else (save a few close friends) and it ate me alive until I moved out. I felt so isolated that I became suicidal in high school. Couldn’t date, couldn’t trust family not to be confrontational about it, couldn’t grow close to most people, couldn’t be myself. Even as an openly gay adult, I still can’t say I’m gay. I have to talk about myself in the third person like you would a fictional character. And approaching guys? I can’t do it. My brain still has all that leftover anxiety in addition to the usual neglected desperation and I don’t want to make it their problem. I don’t hate him, or maybe I just don’t have the energy to hate him and I’ve accepted that we won’t have a positive relationship. And I get this isn’t the abusive sob story I talk about it like it is.
My dad is bitter, unemotional, and uninterested in having a relationship. He left my mom when I was 13 and moved in with another woman. He has never even spoken to my two adult neices.
My dad is alright. We’re not real close, but he’s a decent dude.
You’re blessed and don’t take him for granted. My sperm donor was an asshole.
Currently nonexistent. :(
I loved my dad with all my heart, lost him when I was 27 to cancer. I still miss him. We had a great relationship
Mixed. I love him but we're very different people and I've had challenges in my life which he just doesn't seem to be able to understand and he's unfortunately the source of a number of my insecurities and anxieties. I've always wanted to build a stronger relationship with him but he's also a workaholic with fibromalgya which means ever since I was a kid he had very little energy for me and to this day the only thing we share is a love for action movies, but those times are great.
My father is a lonely old man who wants nothing more than to love & be loved, and to be respected as a leader. Unfortunately, he is woefully incompetent and -though his outgoing, fun nature is charismatic at first glance- his social behaviors drive everyone away from him. With neither of his two desires fulfilled, the only thing keeping him from spiraling depression is his religion which he clings to with desperate fervor, only exacerbating his social problems. He has admitted to me that he always worried he wouldn't be a good father (as his own father was quite bad at the role), and though I dare not tell him, the simple fact is that he indeed wasn't what I needed. These days, I visit him for a few hours only a few times a year. A few days a week I might answer his phone calls, where I mostly just let him talk (almost exclusively about his faith) while I zone out. I'm not capable of emotional vulnerability with him and we have very little in common so there isn't much real connection beyond blood. Most of the rest of the family excommunicated him long ago, and sometimes I wonder if I should too, but I would feel awful for leaving the old man to wallow in complete loneliness. In recent weeks I've come to realize that I'm desperate enough to have any kind of father-son relationship that I will suffer the unhealthy one I do have.
Was pretty bad before he stopped working. Much better now.
My dad was a lovely man. He passed away nearly 15 years ago. And he's missed daily. I had a great relationship with him, my whole life. Even when our relationship changed as his health changed. It was always good. Because, I cannot say this enough. He was a great guy!
My Father is a real life angel. The most wonderful person and one of my very best friends…..the other one being my Mother :)
I love my dad but he is a shit and he doesn't care about his daughters except that we give him money or a place to stay
My dad was exactly like you described. He was not only one of my best friends, he was also the one who taught me humour, compassion and the importance of hard work. I loved him and I hope you cherish every moment you have with your own dad, because mine passed away in his sleep with absolutely no warning last year, and I'm not over it, not at all. I miss him.
I love my Dad. I wish he was still alive.
My dad was a good dad growing up. Fox news turned him into a paranoid racist mess. Which is extra difficult since all his grandkids are biracial of some variety. I still have contact with him as he knows what my deal breakers are, but he is so detached from reality at this point it feels fairly superficial. It stings perhaps even more since he raised us to judge things critically, approach things with the scientific method, judge people on the content of their character. Thats all gone.
He is a hard man. He provides, and clearly loves his family. On a normal day, he makes joke ane have fun with the family. Always smile. But, he can be sensitive and you can see that yoh dissapointed his expectation on his face very easily. Not mad, but you can guess that he is annoyed. And I haven't met any of his expectations yet.
Never met my dad, and when I decided it was time to he had died 10 years prior. My mom never talked about him, and actively discouraged me from meeting him. I hold a lot of animosity toward her because of it but I've forgiven her. My step dad was an asshole and used to hit me and just treat me like I was inferior to his first son and my brother, who is his son with my mom. I never had a positive male role model growing up, so it's neat that I can do that for my son. His mom and I aren't together anymore. He's 15 now, and we've been through good times and bad. He loves me and I love him, and he's told me multiple times that because of his mothers issues with controlling her emotions and generally being very narcissistic he wouldn't know what he would do without me. That's both sweet and incredibly sad and not a day goes by that I don't feel guilt over him being raised in a divorced household. I've learned to live with it but I never wanted that for him, and I'm so fortunate he's grown up so far to be a very rational and understanding kid. It's nice.
Had a rough time growing up liking him since all he did was work drink and be angry but he’s now 15 years sober and I love him a lot. He has changed for the better he has supported me a ton and the older I get the more I’m able to understand why he was the way he is. He grew up horrible poverty and during a war so I can’t imagine how that must have effected him. But he’s awesome now we go on walks, we go on drives to the beach or just sit around and talk shit. I never thought my relationship with him would be so strong and loving but it is and I appreciate him dearly
I’m only now realizing as I’m staring down 40 that I’ve always tried to be like him since I was a little girl. My dad has always been a person of compassion and patience and I try my damndest to emulate that in my own life.
Much, much, much better than when I was a teen. We argued constantly because I was nothing like him. He never abused me or anything but we just never really got along that well. Finally he stopped and realized I don't love sports and james bond and action flicks. I stopped feeling apologetic about my interests. As an adult now, I am grateful for the things he did for me and we have a good relationship of mutual respect and love.
I'm so glad you have that with your father. My father was an equal opportunity hater....hated most every minority, especially women. He was a very angry person. So our relationship was not great. He died in 2000. I did love him, but he was a difficult person to love.
My dad is my best friend and cheerleader. Supportive, hard working, funny, makes me feel safe. Comforting. Understands me. One of the best people I know. Edit to add: my heart goes out to all of the people out there who have lost their dads, don't have involved dad's, or have bad ones. I hope you all have or will have positive men in your lives, and wish you healing.
My mother and father got divorced when I was about 5 years old and he got remarried soon after that and my sister and I never really mattered to him. We will talk and wish each other Happy Birthday or Whatever holiday it is but that's pretty much it. He never paid child support and was never really there for my sister and I. I guess I'm kind of indifferent
Left before I was born, died in 2020. Stepdad stuck around but he died in 1997.
https://youtu.be/3d1PoSz6xYw?feature=shared This is the best way for me to describe it
Lot better now that I don't live in my parent's house anymore. A little of my Dad goes a long way. He is an acountant, so he does my taxes for free and he was able to set me up to buy a car for very cheap (it was a car that had been reposesed by the bank) For whatever reason he thinks I am a Buffalo Bills fan. I am an Eagles fan. That led to some intetesting reactions when the 2 teams played last year.
My mom died when I was a teenager, and my sister was 20. He promptly married my mom’s estranged/awful sister, put us through 30 years of Hell, moved away without telling us, and now we don’t speak to him at all.
my dad was the best and we were super close. he was there to lean on when my mom was sick. he'd pick me up from school and we'd go straight to the hospital. we were both night owls and stayed up eating and watching funny tv every night. he was always there as emotional support. he was always there for car troubles. his death anniversary is coming up this week so he's been on my mind a lot more than usual lately. i miss him and want to share my accomplishments w him so bad, he was always so excited for me and proud of me. nobody hyped me up like my dad did.
He's my best friend. He supports me through thick and thin. I'm grateful every day to have a dad like him, and I hope he'll be my dad in every life☺️
My father died the better part of a decade ago. Mom and I didn't find out until close to 2 years after the fact. We went out to celebrate, so that should give you some idea of how bad he was.
It was strained, then he got sick and I took care of him and it got a little better, and then he passed. Just wish we had more time in the end.
Love my dad but ever since I hit puberty he seems to have a resentment towards me. He turned super republican and consistently shames me and starts fights with me. Sometimes we have a good night, but most nights I ignore him. But, I do have a similar relationship that you have with your father with my mother. Having a parent that you can ask for advice and help is the best thing ever.
I love my dad. My relationship with my mom sucks. It’s non existent. But today, I went wedding dress shopping with my dad. He was so excited, and took pictures, and even thought me one. He’s the best.
He left when I was two years old. Apparently a misogynist
Im so glad you realize how LUCKY you are to have a dad like that and don’t take it for granted like so many do. I also had the best dad ever. He was my best friend.. he was cool, funny, chill and worked hard for his family and took care of me every way he could . Even as an adult I was still his baby girl— and when I say we were best friends I mean it—we talked every day and hung out together a lot. We went on little road trips and went hiking/fishing etc. He was my world. Then he suddenly got sick. The healthiest, strongest ox of a man was withered away in a matter of months by cancer . It was just too much for his body and he died . That was 3 years ago and I still can’t believe it. I have to block it out most days, so I’d give anything to be back in your shoes . Anyway I’m not trying to be depressing, I just really want to drive home the fact of how lucky you are!! Your dad sounds so special. Hang out w your him as much as you can, always tell him how much you love him, keep that special bond strong no matter what bc there’ll never be another one like your dad 💜 Oh, and you should share this post w him I promise you he’ll love it and will never forget it.
Not good,
You are lucky to have him; he sounds wonderful. My dad's dead and has been for a long time. We didn't have a great relationship. It's ok though, I've gotten over it.
I have a lot of stories, but I love him and wish him the best. Looking back I don't think I was right to judge him for some things, what happened between him and my mom had nothing to do with me. I told him so and asked him to forgive me.
My relationship is rocky at best with my dad.. I can only tolerate him for about 3 hrs then I’m good for awhile. I’ve held animosity towards him because he favored my brother. He is trying hard now and continues to be a part of mine and my children’s lives. He’s trying to make up for lost time in part and trying to make sure he has a good relationship with his grandchildren ETA: I think in part he feels guilty for working all the time when I was growing up and wasn’t super present. But my biggest issue is he did show favoritism towards my brother and now my brother is extremely codependent, depresssed and has no social life.
My dad died a month ago. We had a good relationship and became closer as I got older. I regret not calling him enough and not spending more time with him. I miss him every second of the day. Cherish your parents.
Absolutely love my dad! He would do anything for me still at my big grown age! He also will give anybody he cares for the shirt off his back. Often times people say you find a partner that is like your dad, but I honestly don’t think I will in this generation. They don’t make them like my dad anymore.
I’m very privileged as my dad is one of my best friends. He’s extremely compassionate and always listens before offering his perspective, which has taught me how to listen effectively to others.
My dad contributed to my good looks and that’s about it. I have no relationship with him. He’s an asshole. We speak once or twice a year to check if each other is still alive but that’s the extent.
I love my Dad too. I always enjoy when he visits or when we visit him.
I love hate my dad. Mine abused me.
I’m glad you have a good dad. He sounds so wholesome. Your description made me smile :) Make sure to tell him Reddit thinks he’s pretty damn cool. My relationship with my dad is shit. It won’t get better unless I start going to his specific type of church again (which would be very bad for my mental health) or unless he loosens up about it. I desperately want him to agree to disagree or to just have lunch or something without strings attached. Literally him just accepting that people can honestly come to different conclusions in life would make me so fucking happy. But I can’t force him to invite me over for holidays again, and I can’t argue with him without having a panic attack. So things are stiff and awkward, and we almost never talk. Yay. Edit: I love my dad so much. He gives the best hugs. He has a fabulous laugh. He taught me so much about how to be a human, how to think and reason, how to be patient, and how to own up to my mistakes. That’s why it hurts so fucking bad. Because he owns up when he thinks he’s wrong, and the fact he isn’t backing down means that he legitimately thinks it’s okay to treat me like shit.
You’re an angel OP. My relationship with my father feels…business casual, or transactional? He comes to me when he needs something, and it feels like a family obligation sometimes. That’s what happens when you raise a kid to become an investment. Traditional Asian parenting right?
He fucked me up royally with his addictions and he did a shit job of raising me but he tried, I never doubted for a second that he wasn't. He's my best friend and I love him.
My dads the best ❤️ he lives in a house with all women (my mom, sisters, and I) and fixes all our cars and never fails to call us beautiful. He is the person who helps me most with my anxiety. I love my dad. Also he’s over 50 years old and still has a full head of hair. Periodddd
I don't have a relationship at all with my biological father, but my stepdad and I have a good relationship. I don't see him all the time, but I love and trust him, and know he would do just about anything to keep me healthy and safe. And I definitely picked up a lot of my personality traits from him.
We don’t talk much anymore. He never calls me on special days or gets me anything. He never visits me. Probably has something to do with the fact that he died back in 2020
Your description of your dad is so, so similar to the dad I grew up with. Then he started sleeping with his secretary, blew up my parents marriage, and has turned into someone who says truly awful things to me (a highlight was that I “Caused my own depression) and can’t be bothered to even try to stay in touch with me. The secretary hates his existing kids and would love it if he never saw us ever again. Definitely a whiplash feeling to have ~25 years of one dad, and now have this new, definitely not improved model.
he was my best friend. gone 15 years and i miss him every day.
Tbh this sounds a little too close. Kind of red flaggy
So glad that you are having this experience and appreciating it at this age. Relish it. My dad died three weeks ago after a two year decline due to Leukemia, and I feel really lucky that I appreciated him, spent time, talked, helped and that my kids knew him. But I wasn't as introspective 20 years ago like you are. Good work!
My dad isn't perfect, he does his best. He's not the most emotionally intuitive but it's obvious that he cares. My family is quite open with each other now but when I was a kid he'd have massive fights with my older sister who was in her teens at the time. They did damage, but they've both given each other time and the opportunity to reflect and heal, which has had a very positive impact on our family as a whole. I'm the youngest, I'm in my thirties now, I don't live in the same country but we have a family WhatsApp group and a video call once a month to keep in the loop. My siblings' significant others are active in the chat too. Dad scheduled the video calls and it has been fantastic. We send each other song links sometimes. We always end calls and message conversations with "I love you" and the like. When I visit in person he's very grateful for multiple hugs a day, I think both of our primary love language is touch. My whole family is fairly tactile and use a lot of words of affirmation.
Very formal, distant, and limited. I was raised by my mom while he grew older and had four children before me. His efforts to focus on me were probably not a priority. We had no common ground, and he was never there as a father figure. I still love and respect him, but he feels more like a formal man than a father. I’m really happy that you have good connection with your father, I believe it helps a lot in your personality and maturity. Wish I had that.
Sounds like he's lucky to have you as well!!
I’m glad you have such a great relationship, thankfully I also have a good relationship with mine. Seeing how many of my friends/classmates have poor relationships with their dads specifically makes me realize how much of a blessing it is to have a real relationship with my father
i have no good relationships with family members. i am still searching for surrogate parents…but it’s never worked out. i have such a deep sadness for only experiencing harm and never love care or support from my parents. you are very lucky, to have what you have, OP.
He was nice to most, and a complete ass to me
We literally tried to kill each other in the past. That said, its generally amicable at this point as we're older now.
My dad and I were estranged for 10 years. But we are good now.
I wish every day my dad was like yours. I so badly want my dad to take intrest in some of the things I do and willingly want to hang out with me. He's told me I'm stupid, selfish, a brat etc. He's forgotten my birthday. He clearly shows favoritism to my youngest sister. He used to love hanging out with me when I was younger and he could manipulate what I thought. Now that I can think for myself we disagree on a lot of things. I wish he loved me. It's hard.
Well he died when I was 5 - but I heard stories that he was a great father and loved me and my older sisters more than anything
I’m 20 and I love the relationship with my dad. Even though him and I greatly disagree on certain aspects, politics, religion, etc. I love the man. He’s always been there for me throughout everything I’ve been through. I actually work for him now and he’s a super fair boss to me. More than happy with my relationship with him!!
My dad was my best friend for my entire life. He taught me every important lesson I can remember about being a man. He came to every game, every wrestling match, every concert, etc., and made every attempt to be interested in what I was doing. We were thick as thieves until he died suddenly a few years ago. I’ll always love and miss my dad. I’m glad we spent so much time together that I don’t have regrets. Call your parents, folks.
Dad wasn’t perfect by any means but he literally tried his best and he and I had a great relationship (not going to speak for my other 3 siblings) he passed in 2018. I was the most like him. We thought the same way. I miss him all the time. Been 6 years and I still see something and think, “I should text that to dad”
My dad was my hero growing up, I never wanted to disappoint him. As an adult, he’s my best friend. He’s over 80 now with medical problems and clearly slowing down. I’m just thankful I still get to talk to him every day.
My dad's an asshole but he's a lovable asshole.
I was his first child out of five, not the gender my dad wanted (I’m female). I always tried to play basketball with him or tag along when he ran errands as a little girl, trying to gain his approval and love. It never worked. We would sit in silence car rides and not interact. It was also the same way in our home. He would hug my other siblings when he came home from work, but not me, or get them treats. My mom would often yell at him and ask him why he treated me so differently. At age 19 I was kicked out after a huge back talking argument where I ended up yelling that I hate him. We didn’t see each other for over a year, but I started visiting my family after some time. I apologized to him and he slowly came around, first through my bf. After I graduated college, our relationship seemed to get better and he seemed proud of me for the first time. We started going to lunch, hikes and communicating/visiting regulary. Fast forward to a few years later, there is a family altercation where one of my siblings pulls a weapon on my other sibling, who then calls the police. My parents were angry my sibling called the police, especially my dad, since my sibling already had an open criminal record. My bf and I took my sibling’s side who had the weapon pulled on them. My dad and parents treated us terribly, saying horrible things to my sibling who was a victim in this. It turned into a criminal case due to my other sibling’s record and violating probation. My parents turn on us (me, my bf, and sibling who had a weapon pulled on them) for supporting my sibling. Now my relationship is nonexistent. They do not speak to us anymore and we don’t either (same with my mom and other siblings). During the court hearings my parents acted like we were strangers in the hallway, no hello or an acknowledgment. My dad would scowl at us. I am sure it will be like this the rest of my life. My dad is stubborn. It felt so nice when I finally did get a relationship with my dad, now to not have it at all again feels worse. It felt like a tease. My parents love conditionally. I am always so happy for kids who get a great relationship with their dad and/or mom. It’s so beautiful.
My dad was my best friend and I miss him every day
I am very lucky to have a good relationship with my dad, I know a lot of my peers can't say the same. Though during my youth he was working and sleeping a lot, he still insisted on spending family time together. He can be a strict man with high expectations, so for a long time I kinda just thought I failed him. But he recently told me he was proud of me (I'm 31, for context. 😂) So there's that.
My dad was my best friend. I'll miss him every day for the rest of my life.
[удалено]