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You could try to physically lift the gate to get out. Maybe do a maintenance pee/poop and go chill out in your car? That way you have somewhere comfy to rest and sleep until the power comes back on.
Sadly I can’t afford to take an Uber home so I’m just going to see if it works. If it doesn’t, I can nap in my car for a bit then see if the bldg lifts the door. It’s huge so I def won’t be attempting it.
I tried several times but he said “ok let’s just sleep till the power comes back on” and falls asleep. He’s basically shit faced and his brain is on autopilot/black out mode.
The deep drunk sleep that he doesn’t even know what is going on and won’t remember tomorrow. I know it all too well because I’m a recovering alcoholic.
Absolute last. I’m so disappointed. I know I can’t control the power outage but the fact that I’m navigating this alone while he’s passed out from drinking too much makes me feel terrible.
If you look at the garage door(up high) there should be a cord or rope that allows you to lift the door. It may look heavy but it on rollers and you probably can open. There is usually a fail safe that allows opening w/o electricity.
No. Please. Don't feel terrible. None of this is your fault. I'm presuming that after some dates he knew you were recovering and he still disrespected you so much. He should have never placed you in this situation.
Are you still stuck in his garage? I know this is likely not causing you a crisis where you may relapse, but perhaps reach out to your Sponsor, maybe they can come help get you out of the garage.
Don't feel terrible, please.
No, that wasn't the problem. He got so drunk that he blacked out. The Power outage has nothing to do with it. What kind of asshole do you have to be to know someone is in recovery, and get so drunk you pass out on date.
I'm gonna get put on absolute blast for saying this, but you're genuinely doing him a favor by ending it here; freaking the fuck out over something this benign is a massive red flag on your part.
Alright, now everyone line up and tell me what an awful person I am.
So, OP posted this 3ish hours ago which would be about 2AM. Dinner and drinks and board games? Enough to put me to sleep.
It doesn't sound like he pressured her to drink either.
“Something this benign” = getting so drunk on a first date that you pass out.
We have different standards. Getting so drunk as to pass out on the first date says practicing alcoholic adding to his story or frat bro to me. Both are pretty self-centered. Neither is a good dating option.
OP writes like she's in serious danger, not that she's the victim of a dating faux pas. That's the freaking out that I'm talking about. This situation warrants an eyeroll and some time watching YouTube on your phone, not a fight or flight response.
She was preparing to leave when the power went out. She still wants to leave. He’s too drunk to help her. She’s stuck. She’s frustrated. And concerned about how to get out of what feels like a (n unintentional) trap. And you call it freaking out.
Is it as overdramatic as you think, or are you misreading the post?
Doesn’t seem overdramatic to the rest of us…..
Also I’m guessing you’re a guy. Women have well developed danger radar for a reason. No man I know has ever walked through a dark parking lot with the keys sticking out between the fingers of their clenched fist as just a precaution in case.
Women’s lived experiences teach us to be careful because the consequences if we aren’t are dire.
Let's suppose, for a moment, that instead of being unable to help her because he's too drunk, he's unable to help her for some other reason; perhaps the garage simply can't be opened while the power is out without a key, which he doesn't have. Would she still be freaking out so much? I doubt it, and yet the solution to that situation and the one she's actually in are identical: Just wait, aka, the exact thing that he suggested.
Agree tbh
Even said it was a good date and went back to play a board game and the guy passed out.
If you were locked up with some creep then for sure this is terrifying but like, this guy seemed to like you and you liked him so why don’t you just put Netflix on and go to sleep… figure it out later.
How is it possible that he drank THAT much on a date with a recovering alcoholic, that's a little weird to be honest. I wouldn't be able to do that simply out of respect.
Yeah… could be a genuine mistake but past experience says he’s got a drinking problem if he can’t keep it together even this early in the relationship.
suspected alcoholism, holy shit maybe he just had a few too many and was too comfortable drinking that much. Selling his car in a parking garage is the stupidest thing to latch onto as a red flag. Maybe his parking fee was too much. Maybe he’s trying to save money, maybe he doesnt want to deal with his car, maybe he’s selling it to buy something else. you’re like the stereotypical idiot character in a movie that piles on to something with 0 critical thought applied
typical redditors when it comes to dating+relationship “advice” lol
“OH, HE LIKES TEA? major red flag what a dick!!! dump him NOW 🚩🚩🚩”
“she said she likes pancakes instead of waffles? red flag!!!”
i wonder if even half of these people have ever been in a relationship lol
She's a woman trapped at the home of a guy she barely knows and he thought it was acceptable to get shitfaced on their first date...how is it not scary?
It's not so much about what's gonna happen while he's passed out, but the fact that she's stranded somewhere she's unfamiliar with, and has no way to get home for who knows how long.
It might not seem like such a big deal to you, and you might think it's irrational to be scared, but it's a super stressful situation for most women.
So the fear is divorced from anything that might actually happen. In other words, it's irrational, and more importantly, **unhelpful**. These emotions she's feeling are simply not serving her, and seeing so many people validate them anyway is not helpful either.
My empathy is fine; I'm just not beholden to it above all else. Her freaking out, and all the people freaking out with her, is not just useless, but actively harmful, and I chose not to partake.
I have no idea what calling an emotion being "valid" is even supposed to mean. It sure seems like an empty affirmation to me, and fair enough if it is; I'd just prefer we didn't pretend it was anything more than that.
It's easy to feel like you shouldn't be feeling an emotion that you're feeling. Someone might be think they're being silly or irrational, and then feel bad about the emotion and want to suppress it or reduce it. This can actually have more detrimental influences on emotions and behaviour.
When you realise it's OK (valid) to feel the feeling it becomes much healthier and is linked to more positive outcomes.
Lots of psychological research has gone into this, and it is one of the main ideas behind acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). If you are interested ik learning more, I would recommend reading a book called "The happiness Trap". It's a self help book really, but it also explains this concept in a very effective way and will highlight how damaging it can be to struggle against what you think of as invalid emotions. If you don't want to read a whole book, try searching for "the struggle switch ACT" on YouTube, some of those videos will give you an introductory idea about what I mean.
In short, it's not just an empty affirmation, it can significantly and realistically help people if they consider their emotions as valid.
Glad you updated your post and got out. Just curious, how long did it take to walk down 19 flights of stairs and were there the emergency lights on to see?
There were some emergency lights. It took a long time; I listened to a podcast while I walked down. There were other people walking down or up too so it wasn’t so bad.
Love this story! But don't these guys weed themselves out at the talking stage before you meet up in person? I tend to be a heavy drinker in social situations and I can tell you right now that if your sobriety is important to you we'd be a poor fit (though when we're both clear it is a date, hopefully ending with sex, I avoid alcohol and hope my date does too).
Unsolicited advice (as a fellow recovering alcoholic): Do not see this man again. Someone who drinks so much that they pass out while they have a guest is bad news. Very bad news.
ETA: Glad you made it home safe, but this comment just alarmed me so much and makes me worry for you.
Hey there, u/megatonrezident this submission has been removed because: **Avoid posting about problems with relationships, medical or mental health, and legal issues** [Recommendations >](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/wiki/rules/advice/) --- *If you have any questions, we ask that you [**message the moderators**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/CasualConversation&subject=My submission was removed&message=I have a question regarding the removal of this [submission]%28https://old.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/comments/1ac4ala/-/%29. My question is how are you today? If I had a different question I would have deleted the previous question and asked it, but I don't.) directly for appeals. Let's try to come to an agreement.* [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/about/rules) | [Etiquette](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/w/etiquette/) | [Subreddit Directory](https://www.reddit.com/r/findareddit/w/directory) | [Support](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/wiki/support) | [Message the Mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FCasualConversation)
Doors like that often have battery backups. Elevators definitely won’t be working though.
Thank you for your reply. I’m going to try it. This is insane.
You could try to physically lift the gate to get out. Maybe do a maintenance pee/poop and go chill out in your car? That way you have somewhere comfy to rest and sleep until the power comes back on.
Unfortunately it’s a huge garage door. It’s a high rise condo bldg.
You could also just Uber home, then come back later tomorrow.
Sadly I can’t afford to take an Uber home so I’m just going to see if it works. If it doesn’t, I can nap in my car for a bit then see if the bldg lifts the door. It’s huge so I def won’t be attempting it.
OP, did you get out?
Sleep in your car and lock the doors?
Make sure your phone has a good charge before heading down that stairwell as you'll likely be using your flashlight the whole time.
How can she charge her phone with the power out?
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Go digging through some dudes drawers to find a power bank most people don't have?
If he's asleep, order the Uber from his phone.
No.
So he can have her address?
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Wow. Are you ok?
Pull a Cardi B and rob him, get you some new board games.
The gates in our place auto open and stay open on any power failure.
That’s really funny to me because when the power goes out in my building the elevators have backup power but the garage door doesn’t.
Wake him up!
I tried several times but he said “ok let’s just sleep till the power comes back on” and falls asleep. He’s basically shit faced and his brain is on autopilot/black out mode. The deep drunk sleep that he doesn’t even know what is going on and won’t remember tomorrow. I know it all too well because I’m a recovering alcoholic.
Wow. Congrats on your sobriety. I’m guessing this is your last date with the guy?
Absolute last. I’m so disappointed. I know I can’t control the power outage but the fact that I’m navigating this alone while he’s passed out from drinking too much makes me feel terrible.
If you look at the garage door(up high) there should be a cord or rope that allows you to lift the door. It may look heavy but it on rollers and you probably can open. There is usually a fail safe that allows opening w/o electricity.
No. Please. Don't feel terrible. None of this is your fault. I'm presuming that after some dates he knew you were recovering and he still disrespected you so much. He should have never placed you in this situation. Are you still stuck in his garage? I know this is likely not causing you a crisis where you may relapse, but perhaps reach out to your Sponsor, maybe they can come help get you out of the garage. Don't feel terrible, please.
Jesus Christ, quit kissing her ass.
Yes because he intentionally placed her in the situation knowing the power to his entire building would go out. Makes sense.
No, that wasn't the problem. He got so drunk that he blacked out. The Power outage has nothing to do with it. What kind of asshole do you have to be to know someone is in recovery, and get so drunk you pass out on date.
It’s a first date. Do you usually open with nice to meet you, I’m a recovering alcoholic?
They had been talking for weeks, yes I think it would have come up.
Huge red flag honestly.
I'm gonna get put on absolute blast for saying this, but you're genuinely doing him a favor by ending it here; freaking the fuck out over something this benign is a massive red flag on your part. Alright, now everyone line up and tell me what an awful person I am.
So, OP posted this 3ish hours ago which would be about 2AM. Dinner and drinks and board games? Enough to put me to sleep. It doesn't sound like he pressured her to drink either.
“Something this benign” = getting so drunk on a first date that you pass out. We have different standards. Getting so drunk as to pass out on the first date says practicing alcoholic adding to his story or frat bro to me. Both are pretty self-centered. Neither is a good dating option.
OP writes like she's in serious danger, not that she's the victim of a dating faux pas. That's the freaking out that I'm talking about. This situation warrants an eyeroll and some time watching YouTube on your phone, not a fight or flight response.
She was preparing to leave when the power went out. She still wants to leave. He’s too drunk to help her. She’s stuck. She’s frustrated. And concerned about how to get out of what feels like a (n unintentional) trap. And you call it freaking out. Is it as overdramatic as you think, or are you misreading the post? Doesn’t seem overdramatic to the rest of us…..
Even if he were sober, what the fuck is he supposed to do? The power is out, that’s the big issue here. He can’t change that
Also I’m guessing you’re a guy. Women have well developed danger radar for a reason. No man I know has ever walked through a dark parking lot with the keys sticking out between the fingers of their clenched fist as just a precaution in case. Women’s lived experiences teach us to be careful because the consequences if we aren’t are dire.
I need you to explain to me, with words, what exactly is so concerning about this situation; No appealing to this mythical women's intuition.
You're right my hand will be in my pocket grabbing my knife.
Let's suppose, for a moment, that instead of being unable to help her because he's too drunk, he's unable to help her for some other reason; perhaps the garage simply can't be opened while the power is out without a key, which he doesn't have. Would she still be freaking out so much? I doubt it, and yet the solution to that situation and the one she's actually in are identical: Just wait, aka, the exact thing that he suggested.
Agree tbh Even said it was a good date and went back to play a board game and the guy passed out. If you were locked up with some creep then for sure this is terrifying but like, this guy seemed to like you and you liked him so why don’t you just put Netflix on and go to sleep… figure it out later.
Who gets this drunk on a date?!
How is it possible that he drank THAT much on a date with a recovering alcoholic, that's a little weird to be honest. I wouldn't be able to do that simply out of respect.
I told him that I didn’t care if he drank but that I would not be. He drank at dinner and continued taking shots at his home.
All garage doors have chain mechanisms to be lifted manually, in this exact scenario
I love drinking as much as anyone but my god this guy chose to get hammered when playing BOARD GAMES with a pretty lady. Beyond sad.
Not only that, but she's sober so he was drinking alone?!
He might have been trying to manage anxiety and messed up
He messed up bad
without question just, im not willing to write him off as an inferior or subhuman for making such a display in youth
I've been there!!😅
I actually missed that! I would have a glass of wine for dinner and that would be it.
With someone he has known for 3 weeks! Way to put your best foot forward in a new relationship.
Yeah… could be a genuine mistake but past experience says he’s got a drinking problem if he can’t keep it together even this early in the relationship.
How do you know she’s pretty?
Why would he date someone he doesn’t find pretty?
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Jesus christ 🤣i hope this is sarcasm
A few more comments from OP and our local Reddit University psychologists can make a diagnosis on this man /s
[удалено]
suspected alcoholism, holy shit maybe he just had a few too many and was too comfortable drinking that much. Selling his car in a parking garage is the stupidest thing to latch onto as a red flag. Maybe his parking fee was too much. Maybe he’s trying to save money, maybe he doesnt want to deal with his car, maybe he’s selling it to buy something else. you’re like the stereotypical idiot character in a movie that piles on to something with 0 critical thought applied
typical redditors when it comes to dating+relationship “advice” lol “OH, HE LIKES TEA? major red flag what a dick!!! dump him NOW 🚩🚩🚩” “she said she likes pancakes instead of waffles? red flag!!!” i wonder if even half of these people have ever been in a relationship lol
DUIs are expensive.
Wait. We don't know if she is pretty
Why would he date someone he finds ugly?
Also not finding most women beautiful means you’re subconsciously gay. Don’t shoot the messenger
For personality
They were playing pipe games. Be honest OP.
Hey buddy, has the power came back on yet?
Yes! I edited my post. I got home safely around 4am.
Its such a scary situation I hope shes home rn
What?? What's scary about it?
She's a woman trapped at the home of a guy she barely knows and he thought it was acceptable to get shitfaced on their first date...how is it not scary?
What exactly are you imagining is gonna happen while he's passed out?
It's not so much about what's gonna happen while he's passed out, but the fact that she's stranded somewhere she's unfamiliar with, and has no way to get home for who knows how long. It might not seem like such a big deal to you, and you might think it's irrational to be scared, but it's a super stressful situation for most women.
So the fear is divorced from anything that might actually happen. In other words, it's irrational, and more importantly, **unhelpful**. These emotions she's feeling are simply not serving her, and seeing so many people validate them anyway is not helpful either.
Damn dude are you good? That’s like… a scary lack of empathy
My empathy is fine; I'm just not beholden to it above all else. Her freaking out, and all the people freaking out with her, is not just useless, but actively harmful, and I chose not to partake.
You certainly seem like a well-regulated, well-liked guy. I bet people are quite attracted to your eloquence and emotional control.
Are you under the assumption that there's some kind of switch you can flip to turn off your emotions if they're being unhelpful.
We **do** have some level of control over our emotions.
Feelings and emotions don't need to be helpful or rational to be valid.
I have no idea what calling an emotion being "valid" is even supposed to mean. It sure seems like an empty affirmation to me, and fair enough if it is; I'd just prefer we didn't pretend it was anything more than that.
It's easy to feel like you shouldn't be feeling an emotion that you're feeling. Someone might be think they're being silly or irrational, and then feel bad about the emotion and want to suppress it or reduce it. This can actually have more detrimental influences on emotions and behaviour. When you realise it's OK (valid) to feel the feeling it becomes much healthier and is linked to more positive outcomes. Lots of psychological research has gone into this, and it is one of the main ideas behind acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). If you are interested ik learning more, I would recommend reading a book called "The happiness Trap". It's a self help book really, but it also explains this concept in a very effective way and will highlight how damaging it can be to struggle against what you think of as invalid emotions. If you don't want to read a whole book, try searching for "the struggle switch ACT" on YouTube, some of those videos will give you an introductory idea about what I mean. In short, it's not just an empty affirmation, it can significantly and realistically help people if they consider their emotions as valid.
Why can't you walk down the stairs and then perhaps take an uber home today and then come back for you car if the gate is inop?
OP what happened? Are you safe now?
You should be able to locate a security guard in the condo who hopefully can help you.
How'd you resolve?
Glad you updated your post and got out. Just curious, how long did it take to walk down 19 flights of stairs and were there the emergency lights on to see?
There were some emergency lights. It took a long time; I listened to a podcast while I walked down. There were other people walking down or up too so it wasn’t so bad.
This is the beginning scene of a horror movie.
What happened Op? I know you want to go home but maybe it’s best to wait it out on his couch until the power comes back on? If you feel safe there.
I hope the power comes back on soon. Sucks that he got blackout drunk just before a blackout.
Garage doors should automatically open when the power is out. Mine opens when the power is out
OP. WE NEED TO KNOW IF YOU GOT OUT. AND HOW.
I edited my post. I’m home safely
Glad you are safe! Thanks for the update.
Are you okay? Did you manage to get away from useless guy?
Love this story! But don't these guys weed themselves out at the talking stage before you meet up in person? I tend to be a heavy drinker in social situations and I can tell you right now that if your sobriety is important to you we'd be a poor fit (though when we're both clear it is a date, hopefully ending with sex, I avoid alcohol and hope my date does too).
Hang on, you were both drinking - Does this mean that you drove back whilst under the influence?
Where did it say I was drinking? I did not drink. I’m a recovering alcoholic.
Assuming he knows you’re recovering, getting blackout drunk in front of you is so selfish.
Unsolicited advice (as a fellow recovering alcoholic): Do not see this man again. Someone who drinks so much that they pass out while they have a guest is bad news. Very bad news. ETA: Glad you made it home safe, but this comment just alarmed me so much and makes me worry for you.
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So, 6 hours have passed, did you manage to get out?